accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Dating dilemma: Hard showing softer side?

There are a lot of people who struggle with the idea of being vulnerable and open.  I’ll admit, just typing vulnerable and open makes me slightly twitchy.  It’s a natural part of relationship if you ever want to have true intimacy. I’m hoping the right partner and a whole lot of effort on my part will make it exponentially less scary.

Showing your softer, gentler side  can also go a long way in attracting and dating too though. Of course, it’s never fun to be someone’s doormat and put up with any ole kind of ratchet behavior.  Do you think that there is a way to find a balance?

Does your soft and gentle side come naturally to you, or do you have to work at it a little? Do men really have a hard time showing their soft side? Is it easier for you to show that side when you trust the woman?

I know a lot of women who are completely enamored by a man who is comfortable showing his soft and gently side. It’s a classic sign of a “chick whisperer”!  A nice blend of confident and strong yet gentle when he wants to be? Yes, please Swoon. Worthy.

I think a lot of times we want to present that tough image because we have been burned in the past. How do you know when and who to show your softer side to?

Happy Friday! I hope you have a great Superbowl weekend! Where will you go to watch the big game?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

201 comments Add your comment

Sultana

February 4th, 2011
7:14 am

Ha! I’m first – have nothing to say yet,but I’m still first!

Y'all Are Kids

February 4th, 2011
8:18 am

I don’t have a problem showing my soft side. Chicks dig it and if you make fun of me, I’ll kick your ass. I’m a contradiction though, having been raised tough, but by a single mom, I was taught to be well rounded and confident.

SlimNumeroUno

February 4th, 2011
8:23 am

Good morning,

‘Does your soft and gentle side come naturally to you, or do you have to work at it a little?” —

It comes very natural to me. I actually have the opposite issue being that I have to work at being more aggressive/stern/or my bytchy side. I just don’t like having to show my arse.

DreamsMaterialize

February 4th, 2011
9:08 am

Morning
I guess it depends on how we’re defining soft. I’m respectful, cordial, smile alot, and can be romantic. Is that soft? On the flip side, I’m also pretty resolute and can be unyielding. People tend to say that it’s hard to get read on me.

Sweet Pea

February 4th, 2011
9:13 am

Good Morning Everyone!

My softer side comes naturally to me. However, my sentiments are relative to Slim’s about the aggressive/stern/itchy side. The hard persona appears whenever I see you are taking my softness as a weakness. I surely don’t like the alter ego coming out because the outer experience makes me give myself a side eye and whenever it happens…..It’s justified! :)

How do you know when and who to show your softer side to?

I believe the “when” is based on trust, commonality between you and that person, and the type of relationship you have with them.

Delight23...all this lurking making me feel some kinda way

February 4th, 2011
9:17 am

Morning people. C’mon DreamsMat until you thug-it-up, you’re soft. yeen know? :lol:

Snuck in….sneaking out. Work calls so I’ll be in lurk mode again. :D

Purple Rain

February 4th, 2011
9:34 am

What does soft mean? I am hardcore but with my wife and family I listen, expose my inner feelings and care for them with my all. I am not going to sit around and cry or tolerate stupid bs on every little whim. But they all know that they can come to me and I will provide comfort if need be.

TenderRoni

February 4th, 2011
9:38 am

I think naturally I show my soft and gentle side. And I’m a trustworthy type of person.
I don’t think I show a tough image, but if I haven’t let go of past hurts or still dealing with a break- up. I have a wall up, and its hard to let someone in. Thats what I’m going through now. Not until I get over that, will I be able to show that soft and gentle side again.

It will be interesting to read the men’s response on this today.

Mo (aka Moeisha)

February 4th, 2011
9:48 am

TGIF All!!

Wow what a way to start a friday! But at least its not snow!!

Dreams – “People tend to say that it’s hard to get read on me.” I get that as well LOL!

Leggs

February 4th, 2011
9:49 am

Good morning.

“Does your soft and gentle side come naturally to you, or do you have to work at it a little?” It comes out naturally, but in a way that states I’m not weak nor a pushover. LOL, that doesn’t even sound soft!

Purple Rain

February 4th, 2011
9:52 am

Please read in it’s entirety, to understand fully. LOL

Men build things, then we die. It’s in our DNA! That’s what we do! And when it all falls down, we build it right back up again. But this time bigger! Better!Look, look at what we can do, look how beautiful it is. You think the men that built all this had it easy?! Hard men! Doing hard sh11t! And that gives me a hard on! But not in a gay way or anything. No, no of course not. It goes without saying. I am so sick of this self help, 12 step, left over hippie generation, BULLSH111T! Now they don’t want you to do anything right?! Just sit there! Don’t drink! Don’t smoke! Don’t drive fast! Kiss my a$$$$! Do it all I say! You think Duke Wayne spent all this time talking about his feelings with a therapist?! There’s no way he did! John Wayne died with 5 pounds of undigested red meat in him! NOW THAT’S A MAN! Real men hide their feelings! Why?! Because it’s none of your business! Men do not cry, men do not pout, men punch you in the jaw and say, “thanks for comin out!”

Leggs

February 4th, 2011
9:55 am

:lol: :lol: OK, PR, I understand!

Purple Rain

February 4th, 2011
9:58 am

Purple Rain

February 4th, 2011
9:59 am

If you see a guy in skinny jeans or at a Eddie Long meeting he is in touch with his soft side.

Leggs

February 4th, 2011
10:05 am

Naw, PR, he wants his soft side touched!

Celisea

February 4th, 2011
10:07 am

When I’m REALLY feeling someone, the soft easy going side surfaces and causes me to go with the flow. Naturally though, you’ll get friendly and a chat/laugh it up buddy but not soft. As for men, soft feels girlified IMO…all nice and sweet and mushy and soft…sort of irritates me. I won’t say it but I tend to be short most times with all that softness…. I like a good combo of manly manly all while being laid back and easy going.

kimmie

February 4th, 2011
10:07 am

Morning gang!

I think kids bring out the softer side of guys, at least that’s what I’ve observed. I like a guy that can be sensitive when the situation calls, be sweet to me, but not be TOO soft. Girly men that are ultra-sensitive and dramatic make me sick. Buck up and be a man!!LOL!!!

I’m not a tomboy like I was when growing up, I have my girly side no doubt. But I’m not touchy-feely either. I can be kinda no-nonsense. I’m a sucker for babies & kids & old folk. But with everyone else I can have a somewhat tough exterior. I like my space. My SO “gets” me and he’s broken down some walls. But that came with time and trust.

Celisea

February 4th, 2011
10:09 am

Girly men that are ultra-sensitive and dramatic make me sick. Buck up and be a man!!LOL!!!

LOLOLOL….this is IGG ZACKLY how I feel. Don’t impress being all soft and stuff…that mess is irriating. Makes me wonder….

Blackfoote

February 4th, 2011
10:13 am

Seem we grew up watching the Duke together Purp he’s my hard side and my soft side is Andy Griffith but Andy wasn’t so soft it was Gomer……..LOL

Great Day To You all:

Sweet Pea

February 4th, 2011
10:18 am

@Kimmie and Celisea~ We like men with straight backs not broke backs!!!! LOL

Leggs

February 4th, 2011
10:21 am

@Sweet Pea ~ unfortunately, there are women who like them with broke backs too. E.g., Star Jones and Terry McMillian (LOL).

Purple Rain

February 4th, 2011
10:22 am

Leggs, LOL

Real men don’t use air freshener after taking a dump! We breath it in!

Celisea

February 4th, 2011
10:24 am

Sweet Pea – For sure…if I’m questioning you tendencies…ummm, Imma have a REAL problem. And a dude too soft, too agreeable, too nice merits looking at you sideways.

Leggs – I don’t mean straight out “I know I’m gay just haven’t told you.” I’m talking dudes that professess to be straight and may truly be but all that softness…ut uh, I’ll pass.

Purple Rain

February 4th, 2011
10:26 am

If a lady has to question if the man she is seeing is gay or not………..

Celisea

February 4th, 2011
10:26 am

Wait…how bout dudes with a head bobble when they talk or walk? Sideways :|

Leggs

February 4th, 2011
10:30 am

@Celisea ~ I know…Just having some fun with the words this morning.

BlackMagicWoman

February 4th, 2011
10:31 am

Well I am steel hard on the outside. I think it is a mixture of my life experiences starting from childhood and growing up in NYC that has made me that way. But that steel has to protect the pudding inside. Sometimes I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve and I have been stabbed in enough to know that that is stupid! So no I am not asking for a man to cry with me while we eat bon bons and watch Lifetime. However, if he is so stuck on the I have to be hard more so than being human…then he is not my kind of guy. Those who bottle things up are usually the ones that end up going apesh!T and killing his family and then offing himself. Things eat at you. I found out that I have stresed myself to have ulcers in my stomach. Granted, I talk about my problems. So I could not imagine or want to meet that guy who doesn’t let his guard down to talk to anyone. He could become the next Unibomber or Sniper! I don’t mesh well with the “I”m an Alpha-Male” machisimo BS either! It’s a turn off. As soon as I see that behavior…I am out! I know we will bump heads constanly because I am not the roll over and play spineless type of girl. Since evoloution…we walk upright now! I will not revert because you need to feel like a big boy!

DreamsMaterialize

February 4th, 2011
10:33 am

But with everyone else I can have a somewhat tough exterior.
kimmie you ain’t tough. you’re a softy…I see you. Matter of fact all the blog women are softies, even…hold on let me put dukes up…BMW.

Wait…how bout dudes with a head bobble when they talk or walk? Sideways
Celisea you mean “bobble” like they “sassing” someone? That’s straight creme broule right there. lol

Purple Rain

February 4th, 2011
10:35 am

Black, do I turn you on? You turn me on :) “Alpha Male” LOL

Celisea, what is head bobble?

Y'all Are Kids

February 4th, 2011
10:35 am

So BMW, you don’t think a guy has to slap his Old Lady around a bit now and then to prove he’sa man, like Celisea’s?

Leggs

February 4th, 2011
10:37 am

@BMW ~ so glad you said on the “outside!” Because the only thing “hard” about you is your slick mouth (LOL).

Purple Rain

February 4th, 2011
10:37 am

Dreams, BMW probably is a softy once she trusts you and probably extremely loyal and dedicated to her man….once she trusts you. Reminds me of my wife. Once I broke through here maximum security solitary confinement mean cold as ice exterior there was a nice loving heart and a XXX nana. :) LOL

Leggs

February 4th, 2011
10:38 am

@DreamsM ~ put em up, put em up…what cartoon dog (?) always said that????

Fion

February 4th, 2011
10:41 am

“How do you know when and who to show your softer side to?”

Vulnerability and dating kinda go hand in hand. No one wants to be out there (feeling vulnerable) without the confidence of knowing you’re not out there by yourself. That feeling can only be overcome with trust. “Can I trust you with me?” As we meet (date) people, that’s the question we are trying the answer.
Once that question is answered Usually people act accordingly. If I can’t trust you,
you get the long handle spoon. Fade to black ( ‘director yells Cut!”).
If you can be trusted then naturally you are welcomed in and things flow.

Blackfoote

February 4th, 2011
10:43 am

Leggs & BMW:

No one from NYC is soft…….Fact……..LOL

Leggs

February 4th, 2011
10:43 am

Well said, Fion.

Purple Rain

February 4th, 2011
10:43 am

Leggs it was not a dog. It was Snagglepuss the Lion who said “Put em up, put em up”

Celisea

February 4th, 2011
10:45 am

YAK – like Celisea’s?

Toughen up chief :)

PR – Celisea, what is head bobble?

You gotta ask? Clearly indicative you’re not soft :)

Dreams – Yep…pudding

Purple Rain

February 4th, 2011
10:45 am

Fion likes big soft women.

Blackfoote, I think the opposite NYC people put up a tough front but are really soft…no grit. LOL

Fion

February 4th, 2011
10:45 am

@Leggs

Sometime I think we make it so hard and it really isn’t at all. :)

Sweet Pea

February 4th, 2011
10:46 am

@Leggs/Celesia~LOL…I concur!! Ewww…they certainly ain’t man enough for me!

Blackfoote

February 4th, 2011
10:46 am

Leggs:

The cowardly lion in Wizard of Oz.

Purple Rain

February 4th, 2011
10:47 am

Fion

February 4th, 2011
10:47 am

@Purp,

“what I’m suppose to RUN now! Yeah!
…….and church said Amen.

Leggs

February 4th, 2011
10:48 am

@Blackfoote ~ of course not soft on the exterior, but once you get to know us, we all are softies. We grew up in concrete jungle and had no choice but to be hard. However, one must learn how to turn it on and off given the situation.

Purple Rain

February 4th, 2011
10:50 am

People from NYC have a good “talk” game. That’s about it, LOL

Purple Rain

February 4th, 2011
10:51 am

Fion, LOL enjoy the amusement park

Blackfoote

February 4th, 2011
10:51 am

True Grit……LOL…….we know who had plenty of this.

Yeah Purp they’re like m&m’s hard on the oustide soft on the inside.

Fion

February 4th, 2011
10:52 am

@Purp
its all good. Im not taking it that way at all my man.

Purple Rain

February 4th, 2011
10:55 am

Fion, I am just joking with you. Hopefully I did not offend. I think there is something sexy about every woman actually.

Blackfoote, LOL plain m&m’s stay away from peanut m&m’s