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My (magic) number, my business

A reader is going through a little rough patch with her new boyfriend.  Somehow the topic of “magic numbers” came up. She tried her best to sidestep the conversation but he eventually asked her outright, “So how many partners have you been with?”  When she refused to answer, he started making wild accusations about her past and why she was being so cryptic.  Finally, she told him, “You know what? It’s really not your business.”  Oy.

Obviously, that didn’t go over well and now they have a weirdness between them that probably won’t go away until they address the big pink number in the room.  Do you think the person you are dating has a right to know your magic number?

When I asked what exactly made her so hesitant to tell him, she told me she is not proud of her number.  I think that not telling him will make him suspect that is high. What do you think? Is she screwed either way? Do women assume that men will judge them harshly or is it a valid concern?

Is it a bad sign if the person you are dating decides not to reveal certain things?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

208 comments Add your comment

Beautiful

February 3rd, 2011
5:39 am

LADIES… if you are asked how many sex partners have you been with, the correct answer is *i have only slept with men i’ve been in a relationships with*. ~ Love Calling

LaKeshia

February 3rd, 2011
6:27 am

When I was axed that question I replied “For all of last month or for all of last year?”

heyhannah

February 3rd, 2011
7:11 am

When someone asks me a personal question such as this, I respond, “why do you want to know?” That turns the question around. If I were dating a man who asked me this question, his motive in seeking this information would tell me a lot about his own character (eg. is he domineering, threatened, promiscuous, nosey, etc.). The best way to get to know someone is to not jump in bed with them right away but to spend many, many dates talking, laughing and getting to know each other. That should reassure both daters that sex is not something which is taken lightly.

Sally Smith

February 3rd, 2011
7:42 am

From the author’s intro: “What do you think? Is she screwed either way?”

Tee, hee, hee!

SlimNumeroUno

February 3rd, 2011
7:59 am

Good morning,

Who really does that these days, especially if you’re over 30? Numbers don’t necessarily tell you an accurate story all the time. What if the chick said she only had sex with 4 dudes…but failed to say they were all raw dawg 1-night stands…As opposed to 4 dudes she was in a relationship with?

czBrat

February 3rd, 2011
8:00 am

wow! 5:30 blog? really?

i’ve never had a prob with exchange of info, but timing is everything. my magic # should not be a concern unless and until we are considering intimacy ourselves. if we’re still early in the dating process and still trying to figure out if we even vibe well, then yeah, it’s nunya bidness!

this —-> Is she screwed either way? cracked me up too, sally.

HiYas

DW

February 3rd, 2011
8:16 am

Sounds like shes screwed to me. next.

DW

February 3rd, 2011
8:18 am

Why ask a question that you dont want to know the answer to?

q1

February 3rd, 2011
8:23 am

Really caring about another person transcends a number. Seeing the inner being of another person, what they really stand for, means much more than the number of prior relationships. Now, for some people, the number is important. Some people think of themselves as the quintisential person, perfect in every way. Now they would want a mate that is absolutely, perfect, no prior sex history. Like the heir to the British throne, Prince William, would want a perfect history of no prior relationships in a bride. Of course, that would not include the 8 years that the bride-to-be has been living with him. Some women can not fall in love until a prospect’s net worth[money] hits a certain level. It is all different, that is what makes it fascinating. Now, I am feeling rather close to my personal trainer, she is getting to know me , that is what it is all about, getting to know another person.

Gmoney

February 3rd, 2011
8:24 am

This reminds me of an old Chris Rock routine when he is making fun of men who ask their women this very same question and I agree. NEVER ask a woman this question. WHY? Cuz you really don’t want to know. You’re not discovering anything or placing a flag anywhere…lol Just be glad you’re getting it NOW. Besides no matter what number she tells you it won’t satisfy you. She could tell you just TWO and the guy will be like “TWO? Dang woman I guess thats how you were raised.”…LOL

USMC dawg

February 3rd, 2011
8:24 am

Honestly as a man… I DON’T WANT TO KNOW.
It drives me crazy when I am on a date with a woman who talks on and on about her old boyfriends or men she has dated and starts to go into detail. “What, are you kidding me!”
BIG TURNOFF, ladies.

Y'all Are Kids

February 3rd, 2011
8:41 am

Just tell him. If he’s stupid enough to ask, he’s probably stupid enough to care what the Tally is and you’ve minimized investment in a dead end relationship as he scurries out the door.

Simple Man!!!!

February 3rd, 2011
8:42 am

Honestly, at some point in time, I always wonder, but how rude is it to ask????? Now I have had the conversation and given my number when asked… Dude must have been crazy insecure to make that kind of issue out of it….

JP

February 3rd, 2011
8:45 am

People having varying degrees of when they feel comfortable disclosing intimate issues. Some individuals are an open book and some are as hard as Fort Knox to crack open. You have to respect each person’s timing for when they feel comfortable disclosing personal information. Having said that, mature adults don’t have to delve into such trivial matters as how many people you were with before them. It has no relevance in your present situation. Besides, what can you do about what’s already done? Are you going to run away every time you hear something about a significant other that you don’t like? If so, you better start adopting those cats now because you are going to be one lonely individual.

Fion

February 3rd, 2011
8:49 am

I’m far more interested in who you are today with me as opposed to who you were yeaterday.

Besides all real MEN know, “Baby, you can give away far more than I can get.”
Just sayin.

SlimNumeroUno

February 3rd, 2011
8:52 am

I just think that you should be okay with automatically knowing you aren’t dating a virgin…What else needs to be said unless the person is a known sex addict, used to be a call girl, prostitute, giggalo or whatever

SlimNumeroUno

February 3rd, 2011
9:21 am

Testes testes 1….2 ???

Leggs

February 3rd, 2011
9:24 am

Good morning. I don’t think anyone should ask a person’s number. If you get an attitude because I won’t share it with you, that’s your problem.

“What do you think? Is she screwed either way?” – No, but he probably is. Come on now, she’s not a virgin and neither is he. Suffice it to say she has had sex with more than one person in her lifetime. Be concerned if she has a disease or something. If she’s disease free and they’re building a relationship together, then do that. As long as her honey pot isn’t stretched out of shape, scarred, the lips are still firm, etc., you’re liking her skills, go with that. Stop with the pouting and silent treatment because she won’t give you her number! Is the number really that important, or is there something much more underlying your reason for asking?

☺☻

February 3rd, 2011
9:28 am

I don’t know why people ask anyway. It’s assuming you’re going to get the honest answer.

Remember what a comedian said: whatever the woman tells you when you ask her, add 2 to it.

On the other hand, unless she’s playing around, probably not the nicest question to ask to begin with.

But, once we know each other really well enough to ask personal questions, if she is so super-sensitive that the idea of the question makes her get all uptight, then I maybe I should move one.

Women are just way too sensitive, you know. (Well a lot, not all)

Mr_NYC

February 3rd, 2011
9:37 am

Just another one of those mindless questions people sometimes ask without knowing why. What are you doing to do with the info now that you have it? As if you have a pocket card with a sliding scale that tells you what it means. Will the next question be over what time period? Did they stay the night? Was it in a car, on a bus, on a train, in a hotel or motel, in the park or in the woods?
All the while ignoring the person as they are in front of you – better to play judge of the past.
I’m just sayin’

Oh yeah — good morning blog people :-)

Blackfoote

February 3rd, 2011
9:42 am

“So how many partners have you been with?” WTF I Don’t care.

“Is it a bad sign if the person you are dating decides not to reveal certain things?” I would be concerned.

Morning Leggs ans Slim:

kimmie

February 3rd, 2011
9:43 am

Morning People!

WD, how old are the folks you are talking about? Because unless you’re in high school and/or under 21, you are grown and yes, it’s none of his business. And WD, why is she thought of as “coy”? Why not just offended that someone would be so rude & then actually POUT?! Dude is lucky she’s even still talking to his juvenile, obviously insecure behind!

mature adults don’t have to delve into such trivial matters as how many people you were with before them. It has no relevance in your present situation. Besides, what can you do about what’s already done?

JP, this sums up this stupid topic in a nutshell!!

How many times are we going to cover this idiotic topic???!!!! :roll:

AmazonRed™

February 3rd, 2011
9:45 am

Morning all –

I asked when I was younger (early 20s) I didn’t understand the big deal about it…til I started getting numbers higher than the pollen count in spring. :lol:

In any case, I can say that I’ve kept my number managable for that very reason. If it was gonna bring me shame or grief or regret, why even go there? I agree that it may not be HIS business, but it’s still mine and I have to deal with it. What’s the point of living in the moment when you have nothing to show for it at the end of the day (lots of lovers with no one loving you)

Leggs

February 3rd, 2011
9:51 am

Morning, Blackfoote.

@Mr_NYC ~ my exact sentiments!

I kept my number manageable because I don’t have low self-esteem. Yes, many women fall in bed with a man just because they want to feel like they’re liked or needed! Hogwash! I don’t believe everything a man says and I listen to his words all the while watching his actions. It can safe some a lot of grief if many stomped on their rose colored glasses!

SlimNumeroUno

February 3rd, 2011
9:55 am

lots of lovers with no one loving you

Ared – Dang Red…great line! ;-)

Mr_NYC

February 3rd, 2011
9:55 am

That’s as stupid as the post-nookie question “How was it?”

kimmie

February 3rd, 2011
9:57 am

Amred/Leggs – This thing is very subjective though! What you consider “manageable” may put you in “slut-status” to some men or ready for the Amish with others.

That’s why it’s nobody’s business but your own. Nobody has a right to judge you and say you’ve had too many, not enough, must have low self-esteem, high self-esteem, etc.

AmazonRed™

February 3rd, 2011
10:03 am

This thing is very subjective though! What you consider “manageable” may put you in “slut-status” to some men or ready for the Amish with others.

That’s my point though kimmie…it’s a number I can live with. If he can’t…that’s on him.

When folks get uncomfortable or shady when stuff like that comes up, it typically means they aren’t trilled about the number either.

abc

February 3rd, 2011
10:04 am

If you ask, and she tells you, it won’t be the truth anyway, so why bother asking?

AmazonRed™

February 3rd, 2011
10:05 am

Dang Red…great line!

Thank you Slim! :)

But seriously, at what number do you hit and don’t think…dang, all these partners and I won’t be growing old with any of em… :?:

SlimNumeroUno

February 3rd, 2011
10:06 am

Sup Blackfoote

‘That’s as stupid as the post-nookie question “How was it?”’

Mr. NYC – So if it has ever been bad & the person asked that, were you honest about it or did you lie?

DreamsMaterialize

February 3rd, 2011
10:07 am

Morning
There’s obviously a disconnect between ol’ girl and her man. The number isn’t important to her, but he feels it’s relevant, for whatever reason. That means this issue won’t go away for them. Someone will have to concede or the relationship is over.

I think a person has the right to conceal whatever they like in relationship. You don’t have to tell me everything about you just because we’re dating. Honestly, if it doesn’t affect our relationship, feel free to take it to your grave. I care about us and our future.

Mr_NYC

February 3rd, 2011
10:09 am

Ah Slim you would go there – that’s a tough one.

I do my raise the right eyebrow thing like The Rock :-)

Depends — if pressed
Umm, what do you mean how WAS it or how was IT?
Are you really seriously asking that question?

May I suggest another go-round to confirm the impression or to see if that was just a fluke

Mike P

February 3rd, 2011
10:10 am

The reason some men ask is because he believes its important to know what/who he investing into?
its not your answer he’s really looking for; its your responses to his question. Some men were groomed to look for and only date the wifey types… let’s remember that we’re all living in america where we all have varying backgrounds; resulting in different tastes and preferences.

If you women want him to invest his “heart & soul” in you in a committed relationship, then don’t look surprised when that man asks you about your ‘magic number.’ Nothing in this world is perfect or fair even… but imo it IS his business to ask.

co-signing AmazonRed™ 9:45am comment…
don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time (sometimes there’s consequences to your actions, whether last week, or twenty years ago…)

Danni

February 3rd, 2011
10:11 am

Wow…didn’t know anyone asked for that type of information. I haven’t been asked nor have I asked (or wondered) since I was in my early 20’s. Wait…I have only been asked once, I think, and never I have I asked. Not sure if I never cared or I didn’t think I would be comfortable knowing. I know where I am now, it just isn’t relevant.

Blackfoote

February 3rd, 2011
10:11 am

I fully agree with you Kimmie and also good morning to you and Ared. I’m calling the fire dept. cause you’re smoking hot.

SlimNumeroUno

February 3rd, 2011
10:12 am

‘When folks get uncomfortable or shady when stuff like that comes up, it typically means they aren’t trilled about the number either’

Well not necessarily…when it comes to asking a woman that question, it’s a matter of trying to decipher what his idea of too many is. (in some cases) Either way the other person will probably judge you regardless. Heyal, 2 guys may be too many for a dude to handle. lol

kimmie

February 3rd, 2011
10:12 am

Amred – Call me shady if you want, but I’m uncomfortable with anyone asking me personal questions that have no relevance. If you ask me if I am disease-free, that’s personal but vital to our relationship. If I was a prostitute or a stripper in the past, I probably should let you know, especially if you plan on running for office later!LOL!! But how many – no, too invasive and immature and classless to me.

Leggs

February 3rd, 2011
10:12 am

Exactly, kimmie. Manageable means what’s comfortable with ME, not him.

kimmie

February 3rd, 2011
10:13 am

Hi Blackfoote, good to read you!

abc

February 3rd, 2011
10:15 am

I know a woman that’s had well over 100 men. What do you chicks think of her, based on that alone?

I know a man that claims he’s had well over 350 women. What do you guys think of him, based on only that piece of information?

SexyCool

February 3rd, 2011
10:16 am

My response….”Currently, one.”

SlimNumeroUno

February 3rd, 2011
10:17 am

NYC – Now i’m raising my eyebrow at you for that response. lol

If a dude is so determined to know ‘your number’ he’s also the type of person who is going to judge you on the type of bedroom activities she does on some sort of skank scale

She flinched at the thought of putting her mouth close to the wang – Good girl status (low experience)

Didn’t have to twist her arm to slob me up but technique sucked (no pun inteded) – Still a bit of a good girl with medium sex experiences

No this heifer didn’t slip her fanga in my arsehole! – Totally skeeze!

AmazonRed™

February 3rd, 2011
10:18 am

I’m calling the fire dept. cause you’re smoking hot.

:lol: Morning Blackfoote…

What makes you say that?

AmazonRed™

February 3rd, 2011
10:19 am

I know a woman that’s had well over 100 men. What do you chicks think of her, based on that alone?

I know a man that claims he’s had well over 350 women. What do you guys think of him, based on only that piece of information?”

Gardening tools!

kimmie

February 3rd, 2011
10:21 am

abc – I don’t think anything of either of them one way or the other. I’m not dealing with either one so it’s not my business to judge. I live & let live. Maybe they were promiscuous at one point in their life and now they’ve decided to go a different route. Or maybe they like variety.

Who am I to judge?

SexyCool

February 3rd, 2011
10:21 am

abc – Since I’m not sleeping with either one of them, that’s on them and is their business.

AmazonRed™

February 3rd, 2011
10:24 am

My response….”Currently, one.”

:lol:

Leggs

February 3rd, 2011
10:28 am

@abc ~ how old are they now? Say one is 25 and already had a 100. All I could say is WOW. What either of them do for themselves is really none of my business.

kimmie

February 3rd, 2011
10:29 am

SCool – Perfect response! LOL!!!

Luckily I have one that chose

SexyCool

February 3rd, 2011
10:29 am

kimmie – we are so >>>here<<<.

Oh…and those ShapeUps are killing my calves on inclines. wow…

Blackfoote

February 3rd, 2011
10:31 am

In a book he wrote Walt Chamberlain claimed to have been with 20,000 women. I don’t know if that’s possible but he thought his readers should know that but I don’t think any body cared but him.

kimmie

February 3rd, 2011
10:32 am

If you women want him to invest his “heart & soul” in you in a committed relationship, then don’t look surprised when that man asks you about your ‘magic number.’

Luckily my man had more finese when doing his research to find the best investment! :wink:

abc

February 3rd, 2011
10:33 am

I think an honest answer would be that based on that information alone, one would consider both the man and woman to be sa-luts. That’s why people ask: they want to know if they’re with a sa-lut. It lends to a feeling of how the other person regards intimacy with them — if they’ve been with 100 other people, do they attach a similar lack of importance to being with me? If it’s that trivial for them, would they just jump in with yet more, in addition to me?

Everybody is aware of this stuff on some level. That’s why so few people would tell the truth about it if asked, or would refuse to answer.

kimmie

February 3rd, 2011
10:33 am

SCool – Killing you in a good way?? :)

Fion

February 3rd, 2011
10:34 am

Leave us not get hung up on #’s. I knew a woman that got married at age 28 and was a virgin, but had blew damn near every Johnson East of Kansas!

SlimNumeroUno

February 3rd, 2011
10:36 am

Blackfoote – well we all know men wear that number as a badge of honor…it’s sort of like collecting different badges like a boy scout

High School chick who everyone wants – Check
Threesome – check
One night stand – check, check, check
Public sex session – check
Chick of different races – check
Bondage – check
Midget hot tub lovin’ – check
Blind & Deaf chick – check
Best friends mama – check
Best friends gf – check
Buttaface chick – check
Untold going to the grave sex – check
Oh, and that one time in band camp – check
:-D

SexyCool

February 3rd, 2011
10:37 am

Yes ma’am. I am feeling the burn.

SexyCool

February 3rd, 2011
10:40 am

What SlimGoody said is exactly right, the person who asks is the person who will judge you based on that number….and who is likely to be uncomfortable with any number that can’t be counted on your fingers….unless you keep starting over…lol…

Simple Man!!!!

February 3rd, 2011
10:40 am

“No this heifer didn’t slip her fanga in my arsehole! – Totally skeeze!”

LOL…Planned on Lurking today, But that was FUNNY!!!

SlimNumeroUno

February 3rd, 2011
10:40 am

‘I knew a woman that got married at age 28 and was a virgin, but had blew damn near every Johnson East of Kansas!’

Talk about an oral fixation and never letting her eat off my fork :lol:

Blackfoote

February 3rd, 2011
10:41 am

Ared I was making reference to Kimmie letting a little steam out this morning on the topic. I will say this I think all of ya’ll are hot tho.

SlimNumeroUno

February 3rd, 2011
10:42 am

Simple – I try :lol:

kimmie

February 3rd, 2011
10:42 am

Fion – You 10:34 – Exactly!!

All subjective folks!!

I have a friend that used to work at this clinic in Miami. A lot of the clientele at this clinic were young latino women. They would proudly say that they were “virgins”. They wanted to remain such and be good Catholic girls before marriage. But they were getting it from the back and would come into the clinic infected with all kinds of std’s!

AmazonRed™

February 3rd, 2011
10:43 am

will say this I think all of ya’ll are hot tho.

What are you basing that on tho?

kimmie

February 3rd, 2011
10:47 am

Blackfoote – LOL!! It’s just the most stupid topic to me, especially at this age and point in my life. If we were all early 20’s, maybe, but I think most here have moved beyond such nonsense. There are way more reliable, less subjective things to judge a person’s character by.

But it’s like a train wreck, I can’t help commenting on it!!LOL!!!

Blackfoote

February 3rd, 2011
10:48 am

Slim1:

Funny that’s how he started adding them up…….LOL

Leggs

February 3rd, 2011
10:53 am

@kimmie ~ perhaps the reader is younger than most on here?? She’s soaking in what’s being said because she’s concerned for her relationship.

Fion

February 3rd, 2011
10:54 am

@kimmie
“If you women want him to invest his “heart & soul” in you in a committed relationship, then don’t look surprised when that man asks you about your ‘magic number.’

Good point.

Ladies, don’t get hung up on the # and lose focus of what you bring to the relationship.
At the end of the day the value-add you bring to the other person’s life will always out that #.

DreamsMaterialize

February 3rd, 2011
10:54 am

If we were all early 20’s, maybe, but I think most here have moved beyond such nonsense.
kimmie the older I get, the more I realize that age is not that good of an indicator for more mature and responsible behavior. I had a woman in her mid 30’s ask me my number pretty recently. Just when you think someone is too old to be engaging in certain behavior, that’s when you read about shootings at Taboo 2. lol

Fion

February 3rd, 2011
10:55 am

meant out weigh

AmazonRed™

February 3rd, 2011
10:55 am

Ladies, don’t get hung up on the # and lose focus of what you bring to the relationship.

Why are you telling the ladies? It’s a dude that caused this whole topic to begin with!

I think us ladies are long over going down that road… :lol:

Fion

February 3rd, 2011
11:02 am

@ AmazonRed™
‘Do women assume that men will judge them harshly or is it a valid concern?”

I think the question was raised in the topic as well as a few others have commented on the “#”

Blackfoote

February 3rd, 2011
11:04 am

Ared………Being a Sag you know we’re sphycic individuals along with that we can recieve positive vibes from people we don’t even know. This is how I know you ladies are hot cause if I’m right attractive women hang with each other. I didn’t spell sphycic right.

SlimNumeroUno

February 3rd, 2011
11:05 am

sphycic??? I’m unfamiliar with this term…please explain

SlimNumeroUno

February 3rd, 2011
11:05 am

AmazonRed™

February 3rd, 2011
11:06 am

Fion – My point was that the ladies commenting haven’t seem to have lost that focus. At least from my observations. WiseDiva throws out such questions to generate debate, but it seems like the gender more hung up on # is the men, more than the women. Perhaps they need to adjust their focus…

AmazonRed™

February 3rd, 2011
11:06 am

This is how I know you ladies are hot cause if I’m right attractive women hang with each other. I didn’t spell sphycic right

:lol: Cool beans.

kimmie

February 3rd, 2011
11:07 am

Fion- Actually that statement about wanting a man to invest in a relationship was from Mike P. I was not agreeing with it, just saying my man had a little more finese in doing his research on his chosen “investment”!LOL!!

Leggs – She SHOULD be concerned for her relationship with that pouter!

Dreams – You are so right, age ain’t nothing but a number when it all boils down!

kimmie

February 3rd, 2011
11:09 am

Perhaps they need to adjust their focus…

Amred – Like I said, there are WAY more reliable indicators of character!LOL!!!

Blackfoote

February 3rd, 2011
11:12 am

Thanks Slim I knew it wasn’t right……LOL

Fion

February 3rd, 2011
11:13 am

@ AmazonRed
By no means does one size fit all. If it doesn’t apply to or has no application for you, so be it.

Y'all Are Kids

February 3rd, 2011
11:14 am

She’s a slut if she sleeps lots of people.

She’s a bitch if she won’t sleep with you

kimmie

February 3rd, 2011
11:16 am

Y’all – Either way, you’re a WINNER!!!! :lol:

Ted Striker

February 3rd, 2011
11:17 am

Key words: “New boyfriend.”

I’m open to discussing anything/everything with someone I’m in a serious relationship and moving toward the long-term with. However there’s no reason to rush a discussion about anything — be it past sexual partners or your favorite move — if you’re not comfortable with the timing with someone new.

Mike P

February 3rd, 2011
11:20 am

@kimmie: The point isn’t what’s are more reliable indicators of a woman’s character… its if she’s a garden tool and if so how far removed the woman is from his wify checklist… everybody have they own vetting process… and this magic number business seems to be a biggie for a lot of men.

kimmie

February 3rd, 2011
11:21 am

Ted – Thank you for the voice of reason and pointing out a very important fact most of us seemed to miss!

New!!!

kimmie

February 3rd, 2011
11:23 am

Mike P – You’re right, and the fact if he’s a garden tool too & how far removed he is from her hubby checklist. :wink:

mytw♥cents

February 3rd, 2011
11:27 am

This is so not a value-add type of question. How in the world can it help the relationship along – regardless of what kind of status? If y’all are tryna go to the chapel & it’s too high, he might decide she’s a hooch, if y’all just trickin’ off with each other and the # is too low, ya gotta find another freak… If you’re overanalytical you might also start to wondering if the # is high/low.

I tend to think opposite of most and higher numbers aren’t impressive. Sometimes it’s just cuz they’re whack and can’t keep a repeat customer.

kimmie

February 3rd, 2011
11:27 am

Terrance Howard’s wife just filed for divorce, days before their one-year anniversary!

mytw♥cents

February 3rd, 2011
11:28 am

Start wondering WHY the number is high/low.

Errybody Irie?

kimmie

February 3rd, 2011
11:30 am

Hey My2, long time no read!

Leggs

February 3rd, 2011
11:33 am

Hey there, Mytwo!

@Ted ~ I did forget that tidbit.

SexyCool

February 3rd, 2011
11:34 am

I’m an rather unconcerned with the number of people that a person has slept with in the past.

My first concern is whether or not he carries any *gifts* from past partners.

After that, my concern is how many he is sleeping with while he is in a relationship with me and sleeping with me.

Celisea

February 3rd, 2011
11:35 am

Do women assume that men will judge them harshly or is it a valid concern?

Not an assumption. While you hear folks saying all day they won’t be moved by it I don’t believe it. I think that’s why most (MATURE)men say they don’t want to know. I beleive while most of us that reside in adultville and have come to understand at some point and time in life there will be a number I think it’s private and personal. Frankly it’s crass to ask. At the same time, I too agree with ARed (maybe it was my rearing) for personal reasons I have been selective and done/chosen in moderation all my life. For me it’s just been a case where I’ve not been and am not cool just “giving myself away.” As quaint and outdated as it may seem it’s what I was raised doing and live by. At the end of the day, I too don’t want to look around and see all my past lovers with no one to love….nice saying. But we all grow and learn better and practice better. So if a woman have in the past innocently looked for love in all the wrong places and by all the wrong means, if she’s all the wiser and feeling better and doing better, why should it matter to any man, her past?

Celisea

February 3rd, 2011
11:37 am

…and if your number ain’t zero, don’t be asking about somebody else’s.

SexyCool

February 3rd, 2011
11:38 am

And if THAT number is greater than one, “Houston……..”

kimmie

February 3rd, 2011
11:39 am

SCool & Celisea – Your last two posts make the most sense out of all!

Very grown-up!!!

kimmie

February 3rd, 2011
11:40 am

SCool & Celisea – Well, your last 4 posts now!LOL!!

SlimNumeroUno

February 3rd, 2011
11:43 am

A more important question should be, “when is the last time you were tested, if at all?” (Slim has already had hers done for the year so far)

Blackfoote

February 3rd, 2011
11:43 am

“Either way, you’re a WINNER!!!!”…….Kimmie you must play soft ball cause you’re hitting home runs.

I want to say something about women being labeled sluts…….I believe a woman referred to as a slut has a mental imbalance she can’t control. Some may be slightly be retarded some may have a high urge for sex I often heard physical normal women say they can turn it on or keep it dormant. While I’m no psychiatrist men can help theses women with support and not trashing them………..Ok this time I got physical, psychiatrist I’m guessing I got them right.

mytw♥cents

February 3rd, 2011
11:46 am

Hey Y’all!

KIMMIE Congratulations again on the nuptials. One of my besties is headed to Vegas too. I think she’s going with the Little Chapel of Flowers. Have you narrowed down your date?

Has any of the guys here asked the question? If so, were you indifferent to her answer? So many guys think it’s a lie regardless, so not sure why they bother.

mytw♥cents

February 3rd, 2011
11:46 am

SEXXYCOOL … Word!

Celisea

February 3rd, 2011
11:47 am

Kimmie – You would think by now most folks will just know. I could be wrong and probaby won’t get spoken to after this…it’s okay though :) but IMO, most men wh@res are the ones asking. I could be wrong and stand corrected. I think pretty decent dudes don’t even get into that. Can’t say they won’t wonder but c’mon who’s putting folks on the spot? Those that are most likely guilty.

mytw♥cents

February 3rd, 2011
11:49 am

BLACKFOOTE – It’s all subjective. So what is the appropriate label for a relatively stable woman with a high drive and taste for variety? Just curious.

Blackfoote

February 3rd, 2011
11:53 am

“A more important question should be, “when is the last time you were tested, if at all?”

Slim this is the Grand Daddy of them all.

kimmie

February 3rd, 2011
11:54 am

I think pretty decent dudes don’t even get into that.

Celisea – Decent, mature, no they do not, at least not the ones I’ve dealt with on any long-term basis. And yes, seems the ones with more to hide are the main ones asking!

My2 – Thanks! It’s looking like April or May at the latest! We are going to try to narrow it down by this weekend. I think I may have found the dress, though. It came closest to what I have in mind anyway!

abc

February 3rd, 2011
11:55 am

I would call a man or woman ‘with a high drive and taste for variety’, if acted upon, a ’slamhound’.

cba

February 3rd, 2011
11:55 am

I don’t have a dog in this fight. However, I agree with most of the posts from Mike P, abc, and Ared.
When you apply for job, the emplyer checks your credit score number, your traffic ticket number, your GPA, number of previous job number, etc. What do these numbers have to do with my qualifications? They define your CHARACTER.
If you are in a FWB relationship, of course the NUMBER shouldn’t matter. If you are someone I want to potentially marry, it does matter. You can’t tell me that if your number is 75 or 100 and I don’t care if you are 20 or 60; you are not someone who has the potential to be devoted to one and only one man. It’s not happening. Do you think Tiger will be devoted to just one woman? He can go to therapy the next ten years and he’ll still be Tiger :-)

SlimNumeroUno

February 3rd, 2011
11:57 am

Off topic – anybody plan on doing anything super fun, exciting, spontaneous, out of the ordinary etc…any time soon??

Blackfoote

February 3rd, 2011
12:05 pm

To me and like I said I’m not a psyhciatrist. This type they know what they are doing confident and may be very satisfied with what they’re doing I can’t label anyone actually because I’m not the authority to do so and niether is anyoneelse.

Mike P

February 3rd, 2011
12:08 pm

mytw♥cents: guys know you’re gonna lie, but again when they ask you, those guys aren’t waiting for you to answer, they’re looking at you, looking at how your respond, attitude responses, timing and defensiveness and you’re reasons for such responses. but most of all they’re looking at all those non-verbal que’s (body language, facial expression, etc. ) these are the area’s where you all can’t lie…

Celisea: most men wh@res wouldn’t dare ask because you can just call them on they’re own ish… its mostly the decent, upright men who would dare ask.

SexyCool

February 3rd, 2011
12:10 pm

its mostly the decent, upright men who would dare ask….….insecure…

SexyCool

February 3rd, 2011
12:12 pm

Alternate answer to that question….”You aren’t the first, but maybe, you’ll be the last.”

Mike P

February 3rd, 2011
12:14 pm

i say all this because I have a lot of ethnic/foreign buddies… where the chastity of women are highly desired, much more so than looks and “american/hollywood” type qualities and its pretty normal for these men to ask those type of questions… even when they’re dating outside of there cultural backyard…

Mr_NYC

February 3rd, 2011
12:16 pm

@Slim – I’m going to Jamaica and I’m also getting back into flying again after a 2 year hiatus.

abc

February 3rd, 2011
12:17 pm

But, there’s no such thing as a chick that would give a truthful answer to the question anyway, so it’s pretty much a moot point, isn’t it?

Mike P

February 3rd, 2011
12:17 pm

sexycool… believe me when i say these, they aren’t insecure, not in the least.

SexyCool

February 3rd, 2011
12:20 pm

Mike – stop it.

Look at this way, if you are with someone that you *suspect* that you have reason to be concerned about their sexual history/behavior, then that’s already a nod that, quite possibly, this is someone that you probably shouldn’t be sleeping with.

Celisea

February 3rd, 2011
12:20 pm

Mike P – I disagree. Most men wh@res ain’t walking around telling either what they’ve done. So, how would you call them on their mess? Except for sloppy dudes, a women won’t know either….how many chicks he’s banged. I believe we call those playas, having rotation, FWB, etc…how would a woman know?

SlimNumeroUno

February 3rd, 2011
12:22 pm

NYC – so like, you fly planes and stuff? Planes, like, the model planes and stuff? :-)

Celisea

February 3rd, 2011
12:22 pm

abc – Cut it out with the women are liars mantra…LOL You know men have the monopoly on this :)

Mike P

February 3rd, 2011
12:25 pm

I personally believe that everyone has their past, everyone has their taste and preferences, everyone has their vetting process (fair or unfair) and its their own right, its their own business…

everyone is gonna do what they gonna do… so I say: just be true to yourselves, love life, enjoy your time here and if someone vets you out; then she/he isn’t for you, don’t sweat the small stuff..
there’s almost 7 billion other people out there, there’s someone that will accept you for who you are, past, flaws and all: have a great day everybody :D

kimmie

February 3rd, 2011
12:28 pm

its mostly the decent, upright men who would dare ask.

My fiance’ is decent and upright and he hasn’t asked that.

SMH!! please, whatever! Funny, those “chaste” foreign women have these men fooled. Maybe we need to learn their secrets!LOL!!!

Celisea

February 3rd, 2011
12:28 pm

Say it aint’ so….Facebook is now BLOCKED!!!! Whatever shall I do now? More work I guess…LOL Gheesh. Nothing now but professional sites can I access.

Mr_NYC

February 3rd, 2011
12:29 pm

No Slim I have my private certificate, I fly Cessnas, 4 seaters.
Actually flew into the airport up at Cobb County one Memorial Day wknd

Blackfoote

February 3rd, 2011
12:31 pm

Sexy and Celisea:

Hello ladies, what did ya’ll do……….LOL

Celisea

February 3rd, 2011
12:33 pm

Blackfoote – How goes it? Blame it on lunch time :)

Simple Man!!!!

February 3rd, 2011
12:33 pm

Celisea, You can always play teh E-mail game with your blog peeps!!! :)

SlimNumeroUno

February 3rd, 2011
12:34 pm

NYC – I’ve always wanted to fly over the Grand Canyon…Can you make that happen? :-D

Celisea

February 3rd, 2011
12:35 pm

Simple Man – I only have a couple of folks email addys. I have much work to do…..not bored at all. Just sometimes I like to break the monotony of drilling and come up for a breather by surfing a couple of sites. I have enough work though to keep me going all day.

Mr_NYC

February 3rd, 2011
12:39 pm

Slim – I could I just might could :-) ;-)

Simple Man!!!!

February 3rd, 2011
12:41 pm

Celisea , I can start a E-mail addy drive…..I will be first If you like….

Celisea

February 3rd, 2011
12:43 pm

Simple Man – Gon ‘head and put yours out there. Last time I put mine, I started getting unexpected emails…LOL

Celisea

February 3rd, 2011
12:44 pm

I ain’t got no camel toe to show though….k? LOL :) :)

Simple Man!!!!

February 3rd, 2011
12:47 pm

LOL…I am on a Camel Toe Hiatus…. simpleman010245@yahoo.com

SexyCool

February 3rd, 2011
12:49 pm

Thieves still $1.5million in condoms….

http://money.msn.com/business-news/article.aspx?feed=AP&date=20110203&id=12867069

(Guess their number is gonna be kinda high….)

SlimNumeroUno

February 3rd, 2011
12:57 pm

NYC – on second thought, um…that seems like a huge distance for a 4-seater…Is that safe? lol

Leggs

February 3rd, 2011
1:07 pm

@SlimNU ~ I would be more concerned about his response: “I could I just might could.”

I would need to hear a bit more confidence going over the Grand Canyon! :lol: :lol: :lol:

mytw♥cents

February 3rd, 2011
1:08 pm

abc I appreciate your consistency.

Mike P – You’re on some shiiii. WTFeva! And nice to meet you, by the way :)

People should be secure enough within themselves to not even let this factor into play. Give her love and loving like you wanna lock her down for the future, forget about her past.

Mr_NYC

February 3rd, 2011
1:09 pm

Slim if you’ve never done it before, might be better to fly commercial to Vegas and then rent a plane. Otherwise, its a 3 day trip to take your time and enjoy the scenery. And yes its totally safe.

Celisea

February 3rd, 2011
1:12 pm

NYC – Ummm, not that we doubting your ability to pilot (which is sexy btw) but 3 days to get somehere that would take a few hours ain’t exactly convincing :)

Mr_NYC

February 3rd, 2011
1:16 pm

Aww come on Leggs, I can do it. Just not sure if its still allowed. For a while FAA was restricting flights over the Canyon by private planes. 9/11 stuff and all that.

Mr_NYC

February 3rd, 2011
1:17 pm

Only fly about 120 mph, low and slow. Not like a jet. A couple of stops for gas, sitting in a cabin about the size of a compact car, a few rest breaks. Better to spread it out.

abc

February 3rd, 2011
1:19 pm

One should take their time getting to the destination sometimes. What fun is a drive to the beach if you don’t stop at random places that look interesting? You’d never find the funky antique joints or alligator preserve around Opelika, never hit that BBQ joint in Dothan. Shoot, those places can be more interesting than the beach itself. Likewise, I can think of a lot of places between here and there that would be quite a bit more interesting than Las Vegas.

Mr_NYC

February 3rd, 2011
1:24 pm

Here’s a good example — http://www.vintageflying.com
This guy flew from coast to coast and back in a small plane.
It is definitely about the adventure and the journey, more than a Point A to Point B think
Thanks abc

Leggs

February 3rd, 2011
1:34 pm

All that makes sense, NYC. Stop and smell the roses.

SlimNumeroUno

February 3rd, 2011
1:40 pm

Leggs – I guess you do have a point with the lack of confidence in his response. lol

Leggs

February 3rd, 2011
1:43 pm

We believe you can do it, NYC! That’an excellent skill to have!

Purple Rain

February 3rd, 2011
1:50 pm

As long as the person is STD free and you do not run into her old sec partners who cares? Unless there was some sort of celebrity sex tape involved. I mean who really wants to date “super head” or “Kim Kardashian” after the whole world has seen their goods?

AmazonRed™

February 3rd, 2011
1:51 pm

But, there’s no such thing as a chick that would give a truthful answer to the question anyway, so it’s pretty much a moot point, isn’t it?

abc – I don’t believe in lying…so if I’m not going to answer truthfully, I’m gonna tell you that I am simply not going to answer. :lol:

But the numbers can flutuate by a few depending on what you’d define as sex. :lol:

Purple Rain

February 3rd, 2011
1:54 pm

abc is right women lie and have selective amnesia.

It would be the worse to find out your mate was “loose” from others and not them. So better to be upfront or just kill the hordes that you had been with before he/she finds out your “sleep number”

Simple Man!!!!

February 3rd, 2011
2:00 pm

Purple Rain

February 3rd, 2011
1:50 pm

Super Head???? Hmmmmmm……

Purple Rain

February 3rd, 2011
2:00 pm

I wouldn’t want to know here number I just would like to know if her oral and penetration number were the same and if they were all different people or not….because if it were that number would have to be doubled. LOL

But hey, you can’t knock experience LOL

Leggs

February 3rd, 2011
2:01 pm

@PR ~ seems like those two are still in high demand.

Purple Rain

February 3rd, 2011
2:05 pm

Leggs they are in High Demand for what? A quickie? No self respecting guy is going to marry one of them. Well Superhead can suck her way into a marriage but chalk that over doing dumb stuff for lust/infatuation. LOL Kim K is just being passed around, but hey hope she makes some money while being passed. Hey Simple Man if you dated SuperHead would you kiss her? LOL

Purple Rain

February 3rd, 2011
2:06 pm

Leggs, and furthermore it would be safe to say that all whores are in high demand. LOL

Simple Man!!!!

February 3rd, 2011
2:09 pm

Purple…Nope…Not kissing superhead, but would be more than happy to let her “Speak directly into the Microphone” if she wanted to…LOL

Purple Rain

February 3rd, 2011
2:11 pm

Simple Man, yes her skills are in high demand. LOL, is it wrong not to ask her number? LOL

Simple Man!!!!

February 3rd, 2011
2:25 pm

No need to ask…Just google her and you get a six digit response!!! LOL

Purple Rain

February 3rd, 2011
2:27 pm

Six digits. That’s a lot. LOL

SlimNumeroUno

February 3rd, 2011
2:29 pm

Not really sure what’s so great about her ’skills’ anyway…

Purple Rain

February 3rd, 2011
2:31 pm

Slim I don’t think it’s about her skills rather than what she is known for. Kind of like you have a great CT it is rumored even though I have never had it or seen it I think highly of it :)

Purple Rain

February 3rd, 2011
2:32 pm

…and she has videos. LOL

Celisea

February 3rd, 2011
2:32 pm

Six digits?! She still alive? WOW…afreakingmazing

SlimNumeroUno

February 3rd, 2011
2:37 pm

‘even though I have never had it or seen it I think highly of it’

Purp :lol: :lol: Um, thanks….i guess. ;-) I think the CT is really one of those, whatchamacallits, um…Urban legends. lol

Leggs

February 3rd, 2011
2:39 pm

@PR ~ didn’t say the level of being in “high demand.” But they still are for however long the session.

Leggs

February 3rd, 2011
2:39 pm

Have you seen the video SlimNU?

Leggs

February 3rd, 2011
2:40 pm

or short the session is.

Celisea

February 3rd, 2011
2:40 pm

I think the Kardashians are trashy girls…that might be judgemental but just going by their actions.

Purple Rain

February 3rd, 2011
2:41 pm

Samuel Greenlee once said “If you wanna be a rich hoe go to Hollywood.”

Purple Rain

February 3rd, 2011
2:42 pm

It is impossible to attain whore status if you are not in high demand…but that does not mean everyone one in high demand status is a whore. LOL

Purple Rain

February 3rd, 2011
2:43 pm

Leggs, I forgot I am not talking to you. LOL

SlimNumeroUno

February 3rd, 2011
2:45 pm

Leggs – I’ve only seen a short clip of her giving special pleasure to Mr. Marcus. All I saw was how she spit a long line of saliva on the weenie like you would put mustard on a hotdog. Other than that, didn’t see anything extra super exciting in that short clip. I may need to review more film. lol

Celisea – what actions exactly would make you feel they’ve done to fall into the trashy category?

Celisea

February 3rd, 2011
2:56 pm

Slim – Celisea – what actions exactly would make you feel they’ve done to fall into the trashy category?

You name it…if it sells or get viewers, they’ll do it. Seriously, IMO they are low in the practicing decorum department. Giving vaginal wax jobs on t.v. and by each other at that? That’s nasty. One on one, can never ever speak without ever other word getting bleeped. No holds barred with just regular old convo…any and everything thing. Somebody said it earlier, they’re (well Kim) just getting handed around. And I understand it’s a reality tv show but folks that practice some sort of decorum will have limits…that’s it, they don’t display having limits…in anything.

Lord Velonese

February 3rd, 2011
3:01 pm

“When she refused to answer, he started making wild accusations about her past and why she was being so cryptic”

Good man, Besides I’d like to know there is tred left anyways and it is not like throwing a hotdog down a hall way.

“What do you think? Is she screwed either way?”

Yeah

“Is it a bad sign if the person you are dating decides not to reveal certain things?”

Yes, I’d hate to marry someone, and find some dirt about them down the road that did not approve of. I guess most people these days don’t care about honesty, too bad. I have more respect for people that are more reserved anyway. No Floozies here!

Celisea

February 3rd, 2011
3:20 pm

LV – you had a couple of bloggers fighting over you yesterday :) How’s that for a number :O)

Lord Velonese

February 3rd, 2011
3:29 pm

Wow, I guess I’m honored and flattered???? I will have to check it out.

Leggs

February 3rd, 2011
3:32 pm

@SlimNU ~ I couldn’t stand that part. It almost made me throw up watching all that dang saliva.

@PR ~ LOL.

@Lord V ~ yes, words used were “he’s my man!” :lol: :lol:

Purple Rain

February 3rd, 2011
3:32 pm

Ladies, if you were seriously dating a guy and never cared what his number was….then went to his college.high school reunion and found it her served sausage to any and every women and had a high number how would you react?

SlimNumeroUno

February 3rd, 2011
3:33 pm

Leggs

February 3rd, 2011
3:36 pm

I would look at him like “damn, you did all these women and it’s still in your pants working.”

SlimNumeroUno

February 3rd, 2011
3:37 pm

Purp – first of all, I would feel totally disrespected if I accompanied my SO to his reunion only to have the old classmates going on and on about how he smushed every female student, and a few teachers. How else would I find out he was a complete feen unless they discussed it in front of me?

Purple Rain

February 3rd, 2011
3:44 pm

Slim, that would be proper info to know before you made that trip with him. LOL and you watching superhead from a woman point of view is not fair. That is like a guy commented on another guys bedroom skills, we dont know whats going on in there just from watching nor should we ever comment.

Celisea

February 3rd, 2011
3:45 pm

LV – Wow, I guess I’m honored and flattered???? I will have to check it out.

That’s why you should pop in more often. Never know what’s brawling :)

kimmie

February 3rd, 2011
3:46 pm

Purple Olive – If he’s hot(if I’m dealing with him he is anyway) I would think they were just hating. The women are just mad cause they didn’t end up with him and the dudes are mad cause he showed up to the reunion with the hottest wife on his arm – ME!! LOL!!!

I hate reunions, especially high school! I’ve never been to any of my high school reunions, but saw pictures. The dudes that used to be hot all had pot bellies and receding hairlines already & the women looked like they had led a hard life. And this was only at the 10 year one! I didn’t miss a dang thing!

Celisea

February 3rd, 2011
3:46 pm

Yes…”brawling”

Lord Velonese

February 3rd, 2011
3:47 pm

Well, let’s just not let this go too much to my head, I do like to keep my ego somewhat in check.:)

SlimNumeroUno

February 3rd, 2011
3:47 pm

Purp – How can watching her from a female standpoint be unfair? If she get’s a title and notariety based off her skills, seems like I should want to see what she’s doing extra or different so I can let my friends know what they’re doing wrong. :lol:

Leggs

February 3rd, 2011
3:51 pm

No pun intended huh, LordV (lol).

Purple Rain

February 3rd, 2011
3:52 pm

kimmie, you are hawt!

Slim, because you do not know what it feels like to have a wang or how a tongue can make or break the feeling. Once again you do not know what is going on in that mouth of superhead and I am dumb in love with her so get OFF OF MY GIRL! :)

SlimNumeroUno

February 3rd, 2011
3:55 pm

Purp – Believe me, out of all the women in the world, you don’t have to worry about me GETTING ON YO GIRL ;-) (I think I just got a chill…shudders lol)

Purple Rain

February 3rd, 2011
3:57 pm

Well if you ever want to practice give me a buzz. LOL

SlimNumeroUno

February 3rd, 2011
4:08 pm

Purp – um, I’m sure you would like that wouldn’t ya

sugar

February 3rd, 2011
4:09 pm

Hey to Lord Velonese 2day? Let him know “Sugar” inquired about him ;) …Oh Sultana u need to back up & off :)

Purple Rain

February 3rd, 2011
4:30 pm

Slim, if I like it or not depends on you. LOL

Leggs

February 3rd, 2011
4:32 pm

@kimmie ~ would you be kind and leave the E.O.D.?

Peace!

SlimNumeroUno

February 3rd, 2011
4:35 pm

Ok, blog monster…really?

SexyCool

February 3rd, 2011
4:42 pm

So…once a person knows your number, what’s the follow up question?

“Who was the best?”

SlimNumeroUno

February 3rd, 2011
4:46 pm

Sexycool – you’re probably right…that’s when you drop the mic abruptly and exit stage left. (Heavenstamegatroid) lol

Purple Rain

February 3rd, 2011
4:55 pm

SexyCool, no just enjoy the experience. That’s a dumb question to ask. LOL But that is one lie men always tell if they care anything for that woman. “Baby, you are the best” and I think most women know that’s a lie, except those who think that theirs is the best. LOL and every woman thinks that. LOL

SexyCool

February 3rd, 2011
4:59 pm

Er, um…P-lito…I was being intentionally obtuse, as I think it’s an irrelevant factor unless there are lasting effects from past behaviors.

And even with that, it obviously only takes ONE encounter to leave a person with a permament “big gift with a little name.”

SexyCool

February 3rd, 2011
5:02 pm

And on a similar note, there is a *belief* out there that once you sleep with someone, it’s just like sleeping with everyone they’ve every slept with.

If you believe that, then, one encounter with a rather experienced person and YOUR numbers increase exponentially through no fault of your own.

SlimNumeroUno

February 3rd, 2011
5:05 pm

SexyCool – that is not the thought I wanted to end the day with. lol Come out looking like a family tree :lol: :shock:

Purple Rain

February 3rd, 2011
5:07 pm

SexyCool sounds like you are typing some serious stuff. I’m high and er, ummm LOL

Purple Rain

February 3rd, 2011
5:08 pm

Don’t knock masturbation – it’s sex with someone I love. ~Woody Allen

Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer. ~Swami X

No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens. ~Abraham Lincoln

Purple Rain

February 3rd, 2011
5:09 pm

Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. ~Woody Allen

tancred

February 3rd, 2011
6:05 pm

This “discussion” avoids some basic, evolutionary aspects of human sexuality, namely, that we are all still beholden to the fact that we are primates, and that has a lot more to do with our sexual behaviour than does any emotional or cultural patterns. Evolutionarily speaking, men AND women are genetically predisposed to multiple partners; this ensures the health and continuation of the species. Because of our abnormally large brains (and this is the reason for all the turmoil), we have abstracted “sex” to become just another recreation, like getting a massage or taking a warm bath. Sex for pleasure, sex as a recreation, is a manifestation of our ability to control both fertilization (birth control) and orgasm (Viagra, etc.). That is why in cultural groups that don’t have the technological sophistication that can control or prevent fertilization, procreation among many partners is common (tribal cultures). That is nature’s way. Western culture in particular has prescribed monogamy as a social norm, but this is in direct opposition of our “natural” urges. Birth control, however, has let to a situation where sex for pleasure has become socially normalized. And the fact that women require (relatively) more time to achieve orgasm, has led to the development of drugs like Viagra. Contrary to what most people think, Viagra is not a drug to control erectile “dysfunction,” it is a drug to control what is mistakenly called “premature” ejaculation.

As Kinsey has pointed out, what is called “premature” today is actually quite normal among primates.

“In the discussion of marital coitus in the Male volume, Kinsey speculated that for perhaps three-fourths of all males, orgasm was reached within 2 minutes after initiation of coitus, and reported this as a frequent source of marital conflict (p. 580, Male).”

For most primates other than homo sapiens, ejaculation occurs within 30 seconds. Count your blessings, women, in other words.

It’s hard to reconcile our evolutionary biology with the idea of monogamy. Primates just don’t “do that,” unless they forge an alliance with the intellectual aspect of our consciousness. As far as I know, humans are the only ones that can do the latter.