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My (magic) number, my business

A reader is going through a little rough patch with her new boyfriend.  Somehow the topic of “magic numbers” came up. She tried her best to sidestep the conversation but he eventually asked her outright, “So how many partners have you been with?”  When she refused to answer, he started making wild accusations about her past and why she was being so cryptic.  Finally, she told him, “You know what? It’s really not your business.”  Oy.

Obviously, that didn’t go over well and now they have a weirdness between them that probably won’t go away until they address the big pink number in the room.  Do you think the person you are dating has a right to know your magic number?

When I asked what exactly made her so hesitant to tell him, she told me she is not proud of her number.  I think that not telling him will make him suspect that is high. What do you think? Is she screwed either way? Do women assume that men will judge them harshly or is it a valid concern?

Is it a bad sign if the person you are dating decides not to reveal certain things?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

208 comments Add your comment

Purple Rain

February 3rd, 2011
4:55 pm

SexyCool, no just enjoy the experience. That’s a dumb question to ask. LOL But that is one lie men always tell if they care anything for that woman. “Baby, you are the best” and I think most women know that’s a lie, except those who think that theirs is the best. LOL and every woman thinks that. LOL

SexyCool

February 3rd, 2011
4:59 pm

Er, um…P-lito…I was being intentionally obtuse, as I think it’s an irrelevant factor unless there are lasting effects from past behaviors.

And even with that, it obviously only takes ONE encounter to leave a person with a permament “big gift with a little name.”

SexyCool

February 3rd, 2011
5:02 pm

And on a similar note, there is a *belief* out there that once you sleep with someone, it’s just like sleeping with everyone they’ve every slept with.

If you believe that, then, one encounter with a rather experienced person and YOUR numbers increase exponentially through no fault of your own.

SlimNumeroUno

February 3rd, 2011
5:05 pm

SexyCool – that is not the thought I wanted to end the day with. lol Come out looking like a family tree :lol: :shock:

Purple Rain

February 3rd, 2011
5:07 pm

SexyCool sounds like you are typing some serious stuff. I’m high and er, ummm LOL

Purple Rain

February 3rd, 2011
5:08 pm

Don’t knock masturbation – it’s sex with someone I love. ~Woody Allen

Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer. ~Swami X

No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens. ~Abraham Lincoln

Purple Rain

February 3rd, 2011
5:09 pm

Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. ~Woody Allen

tancred

February 3rd, 2011
6:05 pm

This “discussion” avoids some basic, evolutionary aspects of human sexuality, namely, that we are all still beholden to the fact that we are primates, and that has a lot more to do with our sexual behaviour than does any emotional or cultural patterns. Evolutionarily speaking, men AND women are genetically predisposed to multiple partners; this ensures the health and continuation of the species. Because of our abnormally large brains (and this is the reason for all the turmoil), we have abstracted “sex” to become just another recreation, like getting a massage or taking a warm bath. Sex for pleasure, sex as a recreation, is a manifestation of our ability to control both fertilization (birth control) and orgasm (Viagra, etc.). That is why in cultural groups that don’t have the technological sophistication that can control or prevent fertilization, procreation among many partners is common (tribal cultures). That is nature’s way. Western culture in particular has prescribed monogamy as a social norm, but this is in direct opposition of our “natural” urges. Birth control, however, has let to a situation where sex for pleasure has become socially normalized. And the fact that women require (relatively) more time to achieve orgasm, has led to the development of drugs like Viagra. Contrary to what most people think, Viagra is not a drug to control erectile “dysfunction,” it is a drug to control what is mistakenly called “premature” ejaculation.

As Kinsey has pointed out, what is called “premature” today is actually quite normal among primates.

“In the discussion of marital coitus in the Male volume, Kinsey speculated that for perhaps three-fourths of all males, orgasm was reached within 2 minutes after initiation of coitus, and reported this as a frequent source of marital conflict (p. 580, Male).”

For most primates other than homo sapiens, ejaculation occurs within 30 seconds. Count your blessings, women, in other words.

It’s hard to reconcile our evolutionary biology with the idea of monogamy. Primates just don’t “do that,” unless they forge an alliance with the intellectual aspect of our consciousness. As far as I know, humans are the only ones that can do the latter.