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My (magic) number, my business

A reader is going through a little rough patch with her new boyfriend.  Somehow the topic of “magic numbers” came up. She tried her best to sidestep the conversation but he eventually asked her outright, “So how many partners have you been with?”  When she refused to answer, he started making wild accusations about her past and why she was being so cryptic.  Finally, she told him, “You know what? It’s really not your business.”  Oy.

Obviously, that didn’t go over well and now they have a weirdness between them that probably won’t go away until they address the big pink number in the room.  Do you think the person you are dating has a right to know your magic number?

When I asked what exactly made her so hesitant to tell him, she told me she is not proud of her number.  I think that not telling him will make him suspect that is high. What do you think? Is she screwed either way? Do women assume that men will judge them harshly or is it a valid concern?

Is it a bad sign if the person you are dating decides not to reveal certain things?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

208 comments Add your comment

Blackfoote

February 3rd, 2011
11:43 am

“Either way, you’re a WINNER!!!!”…….Kimmie you must play soft ball cause you’re hitting home runs.

I want to say something about women being labeled sluts…….I believe a woman referred to as a slut has a mental imbalance she can’t control. Some may be slightly be retarded some may have a high urge for sex I often heard physical normal women say they can turn it on or keep it dormant. While I’m no psychiatrist men can help theses women with support and not trashing them………..Ok this time I got physical, psychiatrist I’m guessing I got them right.

mytw♥cents

February 3rd, 2011
11:46 am

Hey Y’all!

KIMMIE Congratulations again on the nuptials. One of my besties is headed to Vegas too. I think she’s going with the Little Chapel of Flowers. Have you narrowed down your date?

Has any of the guys here asked the question? If so, were you indifferent to her answer? So many guys think it’s a lie regardless, so not sure why they bother.

mytw♥cents

February 3rd, 2011
11:46 am

SEXXYCOOL … Word!

Celisea

February 3rd, 2011
11:47 am

Kimmie – You would think by now most folks will just know. I could be wrong and probaby won’t get spoken to after this…it’s okay though :) but IMO, most men wh@res are the ones asking. I could be wrong and stand corrected. I think pretty decent dudes don’t even get into that. Can’t say they won’t wonder but c’mon who’s putting folks on the spot? Those that are most likely guilty.

mytw♥cents

February 3rd, 2011
11:49 am

BLACKFOOTE – It’s all subjective. So what is the appropriate label for a relatively stable woman with a high drive and taste for variety? Just curious.

Blackfoote

February 3rd, 2011
11:53 am

“A more important question should be, “when is the last time you were tested, if at all?”

Slim this is the Grand Daddy of them all.

kimmie

February 3rd, 2011
11:54 am

I think pretty decent dudes don’t even get into that.

Celisea – Decent, mature, no they do not, at least not the ones I’ve dealt with on any long-term basis. And yes, seems the ones with more to hide are the main ones asking!

My2 – Thanks! It’s looking like April or May at the latest! We are going to try to narrow it down by this weekend. I think I may have found the dress, though. It came closest to what I have in mind anyway!

abc

February 3rd, 2011
11:55 am

I would call a man or woman ‘with a high drive and taste for variety’, if acted upon, a ’slamhound’.

cba

February 3rd, 2011
11:55 am

I don’t have a dog in this fight. However, I agree with most of the posts from Mike P, abc, and Ared.
When you apply for job, the emplyer checks your credit score number, your traffic ticket number, your GPA, number of previous job number, etc. What do these numbers have to do with my qualifications? They define your CHARACTER.
If you are in a FWB relationship, of course the NUMBER shouldn’t matter. If you are someone I want to potentially marry, it does matter. You can’t tell me that if your number is 75 or 100 and I don’t care if you are 20 or 60; you are not someone who has the potential to be devoted to one and only one man. It’s not happening. Do you think Tiger will be devoted to just one woman? He can go to therapy the next ten years and he’ll still be Tiger :-)

SlimNumeroUno

February 3rd, 2011
11:57 am

Off topic – anybody plan on doing anything super fun, exciting, spontaneous, out of the ordinary etc…any time soon??

Blackfoote

February 3rd, 2011
12:05 pm

To me and like I said I’m not a psyhciatrist. This type they know what they are doing confident and may be very satisfied with what they’re doing I can’t label anyone actually because I’m not the authority to do so and niether is anyoneelse.

Mike P

February 3rd, 2011
12:08 pm

mytw♥cents: guys know you’re gonna lie, but again when they ask you, those guys aren’t waiting for you to answer, they’re looking at you, looking at how your respond, attitude responses, timing and defensiveness and you’re reasons for such responses. but most of all they’re looking at all those non-verbal que’s (body language, facial expression, etc. ) these are the area’s where you all can’t lie…

Celisea: most men wh@res wouldn’t dare ask because you can just call them on they’re own ish… its mostly the decent, upright men who would dare ask.

SexyCool

February 3rd, 2011
12:10 pm

its mostly the decent, upright men who would dare ask….….insecure…

SexyCool

February 3rd, 2011
12:12 pm

Alternate answer to that question….”You aren’t the first, but maybe, you’ll be the last.”

Mike P

February 3rd, 2011
12:14 pm

i say all this because I have a lot of ethnic/foreign buddies… where the chastity of women are highly desired, much more so than looks and “american/hollywood” type qualities and its pretty normal for these men to ask those type of questions… even when they’re dating outside of there cultural backyard…

Mr_NYC

February 3rd, 2011
12:16 pm

@Slim – I’m going to Jamaica and I’m also getting back into flying again after a 2 year hiatus.

abc

February 3rd, 2011
12:17 pm

But, there’s no such thing as a chick that would give a truthful answer to the question anyway, so it’s pretty much a moot point, isn’t it?

Mike P

February 3rd, 2011
12:17 pm

sexycool… believe me when i say these, they aren’t insecure, not in the least.

SexyCool

February 3rd, 2011
12:20 pm

Mike – stop it.

Look at this way, if you are with someone that you *suspect* that you have reason to be concerned about their sexual history/behavior, then that’s already a nod that, quite possibly, this is someone that you probably shouldn’t be sleeping with.

Celisea

February 3rd, 2011
12:20 pm

Mike P – I disagree. Most men wh@res ain’t walking around telling either what they’ve done. So, how would you call them on their mess? Except for sloppy dudes, a women won’t know either….how many chicks he’s banged. I believe we call those playas, having rotation, FWB, etc…how would a woman know?

SlimNumeroUno

February 3rd, 2011
12:22 pm

NYC – so like, you fly planes and stuff? Planes, like, the model planes and stuff? :-)

Celisea

February 3rd, 2011
12:22 pm

abc – Cut it out with the women are liars mantra…LOL You know men have the monopoly on this :)

Mike P

February 3rd, 2011
12:25 pm

I personally believe that everyone has their past, everyone has their taste and preferences, everyone has their vetting process (fair or unfair) and its their own right, its their own business…

everyone is gonna do what they gonna do… so I say: just be true to yourselves, love life, enjoy your time here and if someone vets you out; then she/he isn’t for you, don’t sweat the small stuff..
there’s almost 7 billion other people out there, there’s someone that will accept you for who you are, past, flaws and all: have a great day everybody :D

kimmie

February 3rd, 2011
12:28 pm

its mostly the decent, upright men who would dare ask.

My fiance’ is decent and upright and he hasn’t asked that.

SMH!! please, whatever! Funny, those “chaste” foreign women have these men fooled. Maybe we need to learn their secrets!LOL!!!

Celisea

February 3rd, 2011
12:28 pm

Say it aint’ so….Facebook is now BLOCKED!!!! Whatever shall I do now? More work I guess…LOL Gheesh. Nothing now but professional sites can I access.

Mr_NYC

February 3rd, 2011
12:29 pm

No Slim I have my private certificate, I fly Cessnas, 4 seaters.
Actually flew into the airport up at Cobb County one Memorial Day wknd

Blackfoote

February 3rd, 2011
12:31 pm

Sexy and Celisea:

Hello ladies, what did ya’ll do……….LOL

Celisea

February 3rd, 2011
12:33 pm

Blackfoote – How goes it? Blame it on lunch time :)

Simple Man!!!!

February 3rd, 2011
12:33 pm

Celisea, You can always play teh E-mail game with your blog peeps!!! :)

SlimNumeroUno

February 3rd, 2011
12:34 pm

NYC – I’ve always wanted to fly over the Grand Canyon…Can you make that happen? :-D

Celisea

February 3rd, 2011
12:35 pm

Simple Man – I only have a couple of folks email addys. I have much work to do…..not bored at all. Just sometimes I like to break the monotony of drilling and come up for a breather by surfing a couple of sites. I have enough work though to keep me going all day.

Mr_NYC

February 3rd, 2011
12:39 pm

Slim – I could I just might could :-) ;-)

Simple Man!!!!

February 3rd, 2011
12:41 pm

Celisea , I can start a E-mail addy drive…..I will be first If you like….

Celisea

February 3rd, 2011
12:43 pm

Simple Man – Gon ‘head and put yours out there. Last time I put mine, I started getting unexpected emails…LOL

Celisea

February 3rd, 2011
12:44 pm

I ain’t got no camel toe to show though….k? LOL :) :)

Simple Man!!!!

February 3rd, 2011
12:47 pm

LOL…I am on a Camel Toe Hiatus…. simpleman010245@yahoo.com

SexyCool

February 3rd, 2011
12:49 pm

Thieves still $1.5million in condoms….

http://money.msn.com/business-news/article.aspx?feed=AP&date=20110203&id=12867069

(Guess their number is gonna be kinda high….)

SlimNumeroUno

February 3rd, 2011
12:57 pm

NYC – on second thought, um…that seems like a huge distance for a 4-seater…Is that safe? lol

Leggs

February 3rd, 2011
1:07 pm

@SlimNU ~ I would be more concerned about his response: “I could I just might could.”

I would need to hear a bit more confidence going over the Grand Canyon! :lol: :lol: :lol:

mytw♥cents

February 3rd, 2011
1:08 pm

abc I appreciate your consistency.

Mike P – You’re on some shiiii. WTFeva! And nice to meet you, by the way :)

People should be secure enough within themselves to not even let this factor into play. Give her love and loving like you wanna lock her down for the future, forget about her past.

Mr_NYC

February 3rd, 2011
1:09 pm

Slim if you’ve never done it before, might be better to fly commercial to Vegas and then rent a plane. Otherwise, its a 3 day trip to take your time and enjoy the scenery. And yes its totally safe.

Celisea

February 3rd, 2011
1:12 pm

NYC – Ummm, not that we doubting your ability to pilot (which is sexy btw) but 3 days to get somehere that would take a few hours ain’t exactly convincing :)

Mr_NYC

February 3rd, 2011
1:16 pm

Aww come on Leggs, I can do it. Just not sure if its still allowed. For a while FAA was restricting flights over the Canyon by private planes. 9/11 stuff and all that.

Mr_NYC

February 3rd, 2011
1:17 pm

Only fly about 120 mph, low and slow. Not like a jet. A couple of stops for gas, sitting in a cabin about the size of a compact car, a few rest breaks. Better to spread it out.

abc

February 3rd, 2011
1:19 pm

One should take their time getting to the destination sometimes. What fun is a drive to the beach if you don’t stop at random places that look interesting? You’d never find the funky antique joints or alligator preserve around Opelika, never hit that BBQ joint in Dothan. Shoot, those places can be more interesting than the beach itself. Likewise, I can think of a lot of places between here and there that would be quite a bit more interesting than Las Vegas.

Mr_NYC

February 3rd, 2011
1:24 pm

Here’s a good example — http://www.vintageflying.com
This guy flew from coast to coast and back in a small plane.
It is definitely about the adventure and the journey, more than a Point A to Point B think
Thanks abc

Leggs

February 3rd, 2011
1:34 pm

All that makes sense, NYC. Stop and smell the roses.

SlimNumeroUno

February 3rd, 2011
1:40 pm

Leggs – I guess you do have a point with the lack of confidence in his response. lol

Leggs

February 3rd, 2011
1:43 pm

We believe you can do it, NYC! That’an excellent skill to have!

Purple Rain

February 3rd, 2011
1:50 pm

As long as the person is STD free and you do not run into her old sec partners who cares? Unless there was some sort of celebrity sex tape involved. I mean who really wants to date “super head” or “Kim Kardashian” after the whole world has seen their goods?