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My (magic) number, my business

A reader is going through a little rough patch with her new boyfriend.  Somehow the topic of “magic numbers” came up. She tried her best to sidestep the conversation but he eventually asked her outright, “So how many partners have you been with?”  When she refused to answer, he started making wild accusations about her past and why she was being so cryptic.  Finally, she told him, “You know what? It’s really not your business.”  Oy.

Obviously, that didn’t go over well and now they have a weirdness between them that probably won’t go away until they address the big pink number in the room.  Do you think the person you are dating has a right to know your magic number?

When I asked what exactly made her so hesitant to tell him, she told me she is not proud of her number.  I think that not telling him will make him suspect that is high. What do you think? Is she screwed either way? Do women assume that men will judge them harshly or is it a valid concern?

Is it a bad sign if the person you are dating decides not to reveal certain things?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

208 comments Add your comment

SexyCool

February 3rd, 2011
10:29 am

kimmie – we are so >>>here<<<.

Oh…and those ShapeUps are killing my calves on inclines. wow…

Blackfoote

February 3rd, 2011
10:31 am

In a book he wrote Walt Chamberlain claimed to have been with 20,000 women. I don’t know if that’s possible but he thought his readers should know that but I don’t think any body cared but him.

kimmie

February 3rd, 2011
10:32 am

If you women want him to invest his “heart & soul” in you in a committed relationship, then don’t look surprised when that man asks you about your ‘magic number.’

Luckily my man had more finese when doing his research to find the best investment! :wink:

abc

February 3rd, 2011
10:33 am

I think an honest answer would be that based on that information alone, one would consider both the man and woman to be sa-luts. That’s why people ask: they want to know if they’re with a sa-lut. It lends to a feeling of how the other person regards intimacy with them — if they’ve been with 100 other people, do they attach a similar lack of importance to being with me? If it’s that trivial for them, would they just jump in with yet more, in addition to me?

Everybody is aware of this stuff on some level. That’s why so few people would tell the truth about it if asked, or would refuse to answer.

kimmie

February 3rd, 2011
10:33 am

SCool – Killing you in a good way?? :)

Fion

February 3rd, 2011
10:34 am

Leave us not get hung up on #’s. I knew a woman that got married at age 28 and was a virgin, but had blew damn near every Johnson East of Kansas!

SlimNumeroUno

February 3rd, 2011
10:36 am

Blackfoote – well we all know men wear that number as a badge of honor…it’s sort of like collecting different badges like a boy scout

High School chick who everyone wants – Check
Threesome – check
One night stand – check, check, check
Public sex session – check
Chick of different races – check
Bondage – check
Midget hot tub lovin’ – check
Blind & Deaf chick – check
Best friends mama – check
Best friends gf – check
Buttaface chick – check
Untold going to the grave sex – check
Oh, and that one time in band camp – check
:-D

SexyCool

February 3rd, 2011
10:37 am

Yes ma’am. I am feeling the burn.

SexyCool

February 3rd, 2011
10:40 am

What SlimGoody said is exactly right, the person who asks is the person who will judge you based on that number….and who is likely to be uncomfortable with any number that can’t be counted on your fingers….unless you keep starting over…lol…

Simple Man!!!!

February 3rd, 2011
10:40 am

“No this heifer didn’t slip her fanga in my arsehole! – Totally skeeze!”

LOL…Planned on Lurking today, But that was FUNNY!!!

SlimNumeroUno

February 3rd, 2011
10:40 am

‘I knew a woman that got married at age 28 and was a virgin, but had blew damn near every Johnson East of Kansas!’

Talk about an oral fixation and never letting her eat off my fork :lol:

Blackfoote

February 3rd, 2011
10:41 am

Ared I was making reference to Kimmie letting a little steam out this morning on the topic. I will say this I think all of ya’ll are hot tho.

SlimNumeroUno

February 3rd, 2011
10:42 am

Simple – I try :lol:

kimmie

February 3rd, 2011
10:42 am

Fion – You 10:34 – Exactly!!

All subjective folks!!

I have a friend that used to work at this clinic in Miami. A lot of the clientele at this clinic were young latino women. They would proudly say that they were “virgins”. They wanted to remain such and be good Catholic girls before marriage. But they were getting it from the back and would come into the clinic infected with all kinds of std’s!

AmazonRed™

February 3rd, 2011
10:43 am

will say this I think all of ya’ll are hot tho.

What are you basing that on tho?

kimmie

February 3rd, 2011
10:47 am

Blackfoote – LOL!! It’s just the most stupid topic to me, especially at this age and point in my life. If we were all early 20’s, maybe, but I think most here have moved beyond such nonsense. There are way more reliable, less subjective things to judge a person’s character by.

But it’s like a train wreck, I can’t help commenting on it!!LOL!!!

Blackfoote

February 3rd, 2011
10:48 am

Slim1:

Funny that’s how he started adding them up…….LOL

Leggs

February 3rd, 2011
10:53 am

@kimmie ~ perhaps the reader is younger than most on here?? She’s soaking in what’s being said because she’s concerned for her relationship.

Fion

February 3rd, 2011
10:54 am

@kimmie
“If you women want him to invest his “heart & soul” in you in a committed relationship, then don’t look surprised when that man asks you about your ‘magic number.’

Good point.

Ladies, don’t get hung up on the # and lose focus of what you bring to the relationship.
At the end of the day the value-add you bring to the other person’s life will always out that #.

DreamsMaterialize

February 3rd, 2011
10:54 am

If we were all early 20’s, maybe, but I think most here have moved beyond such nonsense.
kimmie the older I get, the more I realize that age is not that good of an indicator for more mature and responsible behavior. I had a woman in her mid 30’s ask me my number pretty recently. Just when you think someone is too old to be engaging in certain behavior, that’s when you read about shootings at Taboo 2. lol

Fion

February 3rd, 2011
10:55 am

meant out weigh

AmazonRed™

February 3rd, 2011
10:55 am

Ladies, don’t get hung up on the # and lose focus of what you bring to the relationship.

Why are you telling the ladies? It’s a dude that caused this whole topic to begin with!

I think us ladies are long over going down that road… :lol:

Fion

February 3rd, 2011
11:02 am

@ AmazonRed™
‘Do women assume that men will judge them harshly or is it a valid concern?”

I think the question was raised in the topic as well as a few others have commented on the “#”

Blackfoote

February 3rd, 2011
11:04 am

Ared………Being a Sag you know we’re sphycic individuals along with that we can recieve positive vibes from people we don’t even know. This is how I know you ladies are hot cause if I’m right attractive women hang with each other. I didn’t spell sphycic right.

SlimNumeroUno

February 3rd, 2011
11:05 am

sphycic??? I’m unfamiliar with this term…please explain

SlimNumeroUno

February 3rd, 2011
11:05 am

AmazonRed™

February 3rd, 2011
11:06 am

Fion – My point was that the ladies commenting haven’t seem to have lost that focus. At least from my observations. WiseDiva throws out such questions to generate debate, but it seems like the gender more hung up on # is the men, more than the women. Perhaps they need to adjust their focus…

AmazonRed™

February 3rd, 2011
11:06 am

This is how I know you ladies are hot cause if I’m right attractive women hang with each other. I didn’t spell sphycic right

:lol: Cool beans.

kimmie

February 3rd, 2011
11:07 am

Fion- Actually that statement about wanting a man to invest in a relationship was from Mike P. I was not agreeing with it, just saying my man had a little more finese in doing his research on his chosen “investment”!LOL!!

Leggs – She SHOULD be concerned for her relationship with that pouter!

Dreams – You are so right, age ain’t nothing but a number when it all boils down!

kimmie

February 3rd, 2011
11:09 am

Perhaps they need to adjust their focus…

Amred – Like I said, there are WAY more reliable indicators of character!LOL!!!

Blackfoote

February 3rd, 2011
11:12 am

Thanks Slim I knew it wasn’t right……LOL

Fion

February 3rd, 2011
11:13 am

@ AmazonRed
By no means does one size fit all. If it doesn’t apply to or has no application for you, so be it.

Y'all Are Kids

February 3rd, 2011
11:14 am

She’s a slut if she sleeps lots of people.

She’s a bitch if she won’t sleep with you

kimmie

February 3rd, 2011
11:16 am

Y’all – Either way, you’re a WINNER!!!! :lol:

Ted Striker

February 3rd, 2011
11:17 am

Key words: “New boyfriend.”

I’m open to discussing anything/everything with someone I’m in a serious relationship and moving toward the long-term with. However there’s no reason to rush a discussion about anything — be it past sexual partners or your favorite move — if you’re not comfortable with the timing with someone new.

Mike P

February 3rd, 2011
11:20 am

@kimmie: The point isn’t what’s are more reliable indicators of a woman’s character… its if she’s a garden tool and if so how far removed the woman is from his wify checklist… everybody have they own vetting process… and this magic number business seems to be a biggie for a lot of men.

kimmie

February 3rd, 2011
11:21 am

Ted – Thank you for the voice of reason and pointing out a very important fact most of us seemed to miss!

New!!!

kimmie

February 3rd, 2011
11:23 am

Mike P – You’re right, and the fact if he’s a garden tool too & how far removed he is from her hubby checklist. :wink:

mytw♥cents

February 3rd, 2011
11:27 am

This is so not a value-add type of question. How in the world can it help the relationship along – regardless of what kind of status? If y’all are tryna go to the chapel & it’s too high, he might decide she’s a hooch, if y’all just trickin’ off with each other and the # is too low, ya gotta find another freak… If you’re overanalytical you might also start to wondering if the # is high/low.

I tend to think opposite of most and higher numbers aren’t impressive. Sometimes it’s just cuz they’re whack and can’t keep a repeat customer.

kimmie

February 3rd, 2011
11:27 am

Terrance Howard’s wife just filed for divorce, days before their one-year anniversary!

mytw♥cents

February 3rd, 2011
11:28 am

Start wondering WHY the number is high/low.

Errybody Irie?

kimmie

February 3rd, 2011
11:30 am

Hey My2, long time no read!

Leggs

February 3rd, 2011
11:33 am

Hey there, Mytwo!

@Ted ~ I did forget that tidbit.

SexyCool

February 3rd, 2011
11:34 am

I’m an rather unconcerned with the number of people that a person has slept with in the past.

My first concern is whether or not he carries any *gifts* from past partners.

After that, my concern is how many he is sleeping with while he is in a relationship with me and sleeping with me.

Celisea

February 3rd, 2011
11:35 am

Do women assume that men will judge them harshly or is it a valid concern?

Not an assumption. While you hear folks saying all day they won’t be moved by it I don’t believe it. I think that’s why most (MATURE)men say they don’t want to know. I beleive while most of us that reside in adultville and have come to understand at some point and time in life there will be a number I think it’s private and personal. Frankly it’s crass to ask. At the same time, I too agree with ARed (maybe it was my rearing) for personal reasons I have been selective and done/chosen in moderation all my life. For me it’s just been a case where I’ve not been and am not cool just “giving myself away.” As quaint and outdated as it may seem it’s what I was raised doing and live by. At the end of the day, I too don’t want to look around and see all my past lovers with no one to love….nice saying. But we all grow and learn better and practice better. So if a woman have in the past innocently looked for love in all the wrong places and by all the wrong means, if she’s all the wiser and feeling better and doing better, why should it matter to any man, her past?

Celisea

February 3rd, 2011
11:37 am

…and if your number ain’t zero, don’t be asking about somebody else’s.

SexyCool

February 3rd, 2011
11:38 am

And if THAT number is greater than one, “Houston……..”

kimmie

February 3rd, 2011
11:39 am

SCool & Celisea – Your last two posts make the most sense out of all!

Very grown-up!!!

kimmie

February 3rd, 2011
11:40 am

SCool & Celisea – Well, your last 4 posts now!LOL!!

SlimNumeroUno

February 3rd, 2011
11:43 am

A more important question should be, “when is the last time you were tested, if at all?” (Slim has already had hers done for the year so far)