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Archive for February, 2011

Dating dilemma: What if they have a mean streak?

Everyone knows that the first 90 days is the honeymoon phase in dating.  You don’t usually meet the “real” person until you’ve seen them in different environments and/or handling a variety of circumstances.  What happens when you are seeing someone new and you see their nasty side  (read: Not the good kind. The Ms. Jackson, If you’re ‘nasty’ kind)?

Obviously, you don’t want to dump someone for having a normal, human emotion, do you? Would it bother you if someone you were seeing revealed a pretty mean streak? What do you do when you have seen them react to something in a way that doesn’t really sit well with you?

What are you willing to overlook and what classifies as a deal-breaking mean streak?

Have you ever been on a date and the person had a seemingly random outburst of anger or mean behavior?

Happy Monday! I hope you all enjoyed that beautiful weather this weekend!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

Continue reading Dating dilemma: What if they have a mean streak? »

Online dating: Does everyone lie?

In case you missed the quick and dirty scandal in the news, New York Congressman Chris Lee resigned after Gawker.com revealed that he was doing a little internet flirting.  He had a brief email exchange with a single woman in DC and led her to believe that he was a 39 year old single father. Turns out he was married, with children, 46, oh and a congressman!

I felt bad for the young woman, “Leggy Glamazon” because I have certainly been where she has been.  I’ve met men who totally misrepresented themselves online. I can’t imagine how I’d feel if one of the posers turned out to be a politician or public figure.  (Full disclosure: I actually met and hung out with the Leggy Glamazon last year and I found her to be fabulous and cool.)

Needless to say, it brought back awful memories of discovering the lies that people tell. I think I read some outrageous statistic that up to 30% of online daters are actually married. This isn’t the – divorce papers about to be signed kind of …

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Is your dating GPS broken?

On the Bravo show Millionaire Matchmaker,  Patty Sanger is often referring to the ” picker.”  It’s like some sort of uncontrollable dating GPS device that steers us toward a specific type.

She thinks that the male picker is, well his picker and women tend to pick based on security and wealth .  A bit sexist I think, but I suppose women aren’t considered as visual as men are in this regard.

I can’t with say with certainty that I have a single picker. If I were to have one though, it would be my brain. I am very much into a man’s intellect and heaven help me if the man has an extensive vocabulary. Seriously.

When we talked about chasing the instant connection this week,  I started thinking of the routes and paths we take looking for it.  Are we looking for love in the right places? Is there a right place?

Even when all conditions are right, we’re around those who have common likes and interests, our dating GPS can still direct us the wrong way. I’d argue that we can …

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Dating takes time. Do you have it to spare?

My favorite Matchmaker Paul Carrick Brunson recently tweeted:  “If you don’t allocate time to find love, it’s going to be very hard for love to find you”.  Now I had to seriously think of the amount of time I allocate to dating.  Even though I’m on the go a lot, I don’t necessarily have “manhunt” on the menu, although I certainly wouldn’t run from a promising potential. How much time should you allocate to finding love?

Last night I attended a panel discussion at W Hotel in Buckhead, presented by The Root and Target. It was a positive and empowering event for women who are Young, Female, and Fabulous (oh hush, 2 out of 3 isn’t bad). The panelists included: Tracy Ferguson from Jones Magazine, Taj George (singer/SWV member), Beverly Bond (DJ Extraordinaire/Black Girls Rock founder), and Jacque Reid (TV/Radio personality) facilitated the discussion.

One of the attendees asked, “How do you balance work and home life?”  When home life is supposed to include devoting time to …

Continue reading Dating takes time. Do you have it to spare? »

Chasing the instant connection

Have you ever met someone and felt an instant connection with them? It feels like it’s deeper than mere physical attraction and yet it’s not “love at first sight” either.  It’s kind of like you connect somewhere in the middle.  It’s a pretty amazing feeling and it always seems to happen when you least expect it. Not sure, why that is, but this has been my experience.

The thing is, once you’ve had that really great, totally bananas connection with one person, you can feel as if you embark on this pursuit of the same instant connection with other people.  I think it’s probably the reason why there are so many missed connections because we keep comparing everyone to that one great connection.

Do you think it is a good idea to keep chasing that instant connection?  I’ve only felt it twice but I wonder if I will feel it again.

What do you think it means when you don’t feel instantly drawn to a person but over time it gets stronger? Isn’t that the way most relationships actually …

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Dating expectations ruin everything?

I once heard a guy say that if women could back off their expectations and demands on men, they would see better results.  I questioned if by “expectations” he mean unrealistic ones, but no.  Apparently expectations can become bothersome and unnecessary in dating.

Quick poll of my male friends revealed that women foolishly expect: every date to be a love connection; good relationships to just happen; and every guy that you want should want you back.  (Yeah umm I’ll admit that I’m guilty of all three of these at one time or another oy!)

I found some truth in a lot of what he was saying. I believe men have expectations that cause problems too, though. Obviously we all are guilty of this but how do we stop it?!

Do you think we are let down and disappointed so much because we expect dating to be something that it’s not?

Are our dating expectations ruining our chances at beginning real relationships?

Happy Monday!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating …

Continue reading Dating expectations ruin everything? »

Dating: Is jealousy ever ok?

I sometimes like to ask men if they are the jealous type.  It’s just a random question I toss out during the getting to know you stage in dating. Of course, no man ever admits to being jealous.  Truthfully, only time and certain circumstances will reveal how they actually handle being jealous.  It’s a human emotion that we have all experienced at one time or another.

I’ve certainly given my date a raised eyebrow/dirty look when he didn’t correct an aggressive female shamelessly flirting in front of me.  He was clearly amused by the attention. It wasn’t until the shoe was on the other foot did he realize that being with a babe magnet has its moments.

Some people can tolerate more than others but the key is how you handle jealousy: Throw pouting fits in a juvenile way? Turn into a ragey, possessive nutbag that is a total nightmare to be around? I’ve actually seen varying responses and the one thing I realized is that the way you handle it separates the mature from the …

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Things to do before you get married?

Before you single life kicks the bucket, there are a few things that should probably be checked on off your list of things to do.  That’s right, a single life bucket list. Who wants to meet the one, settle down, and look back and regret not doing something?

Of course, your life doesn’t end just because you are married! It’s just that when you are single and free you can be a little reckless or daring.  Or you can be cautious and calculating.  That’s really the exciting thing, you can do what you want!

What are experiences you want to have before you get married? What do you think are the most important things single people should get to do before getting hitched?

Are there any misadventures you are relieved you got out of your system as a single person?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

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Sex as a political weapon?

Did you hear about the proposed sex strike by the spouses of Belgian politicians? Apparently, desperate times calls for sex moratorium measures: “Belgian politicians have failed for eight months to form a government, and one senator has a unique solution: Have spouses withhold sex until a deal is struck.”

Although this suggestion was somewhat facetious, it’s not the first time this tactic has surfaced in political stalemate situations. I think it’s rather telling that sexual leverage has its place in political history and now in modern day times.

Do you think that how much we value sex has changed?

I know using sex as a weapon in a marriage brings huge implications and resentment, yet I hear about it happening all the time. Do you think it’s a viable solution to a couple’s problems, though?

I’ve heard men say that single women have “power” and can use sexual leverage in dating but what kind of impact does that really have on dating relationships? How does that help us build …

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Relationship reality: Are you too set in your ways?

One of the challenges of being single at a certain age *cough* is when your dating relationship goes through the compromise phase.  A phase that a lot of people find really difficult to navigate because they haven’t had to do it that much as a single person.

I’ve learned that in the early stages of dating, the more you learn to compromise, the more the person sees that living with you won’t be a total wrestling match.  We all are set in our ways but how do you know when it’s a problem for you in dating?

Are you a stickler for dating on certain days, getting calls at a certain hour?  Even little things like this can show a potential hat you are inflexible; an we all know how fun flexible people can be, right?! (awful pun intended, sorry)

Have you ever met and dated someone who was so set in their ways that it made you lose interest? How did you handle it? Did you let them know that they were too set in their ways?

For the right person, how much do you think you can change …

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