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Are you vetting your dates?

If you have found yourself sitting across the table looking at your date as if he had for heads, you may need to ask yourself an important question, “How did this happen?!” When this thought crosses your mind on a consistent basis, you should definitely reevaluate your “vetting” techniques.

A lot of us have busy schedules and lives. This leaves few precious hours to meet and screen dates, but it’s worth the time and effort to do so! If you already know that you would not get along well with a young, gun-toting, scripture quoting guy, then do NOT agree to take your get the number of your church member’s brother.

I’m not suggesting you rule out people based your unrealistic “ridiculists” of what you want. However, you know yourself well enough to narrow down potential dates using reason and logic.

What do you do to vet potential dates? If the person is a referral, do you find out the basic information that places them in potentially great date category?

If you meet someone from online dating or through a random encounter, do you devote time to talking on the phone first? Do you have an idea of what you would like to know about them before setting up your first meet and greet?

What do you think could happen when you don’t properly screen your dates for compatibility?

I once agreed to go out with a tow truck driver because he was handsome and helpful, needless to say I did not vet him properly. I ended up on a date with a really creepy guy who had my home address and car VIN#. Lesson learned!

What’s the worst dating misadventure you endured because you did not screen your date?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

130 comments Add your comment

Jeannette

January 31st, 2011
6:08 am

Are you vetting your dates?

No, but I am dating my vet!

q1

January 31st, 2011
6:42 am

What is “vetting”? I cannot spend a lot of time talking this morning, I have business. My PT[personal trainer] is coming.

[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by sean walker, Don Hill. Don Hill said: Are you vetting your dates?: If you meet someone from online dating or through a random encounter, do you devote… http://bit.ly/eDkpeE [...]

Billy

January 31st, 2011
8:33 am

Only a wise diva could start an article so eloquently:
‘as if he had for heads,’

‘For heads’, excellent writing and editing.

Also, unless someone is completely insane you’ll have to go on a date with them to truly ‘vet’ them. Dating is a vetting process.

I would think one should probably come up with better article ideas if they would like to continue getting paid to write, just a thought.

Yes She Is Cute

January 31st, 2011
8:44 am

Well, I was starting to feel that way as well….like wtf why what is this….but I’ve learned the 2 golden rules of dating. Once I learned that I don’t really feel like I have a problem.

I think that dating itself is a vetting process you should know after the 1st or 2nd date who you are dealing with no 3rd date required….I mean come on, you know the special olympic when you see them.

Kym

January 31st, 2011
9:04 am

Good Morning All,

I have to say that I am not a good vetter(ha) of dates. I tend to want to give someone the benefit of the doubt only to regret it later on. Worse case of not vetting properly was the dude who told me he had a plane and he was in the music biz and then called what like three days later asking to borrow 10 dollars. Man! the jokers I have come across.

Yes She Is Cute

January 31st, 2011
9:13 am

lol @ kym haha that’s funny. How about I work for a well known airline and dude was like oh i fly them all the time. how about he only flew ONCE! I was like what a liar! and another guy was like i fly them all the time on business….he had like 20 flights with us that year so i was like ok this one is legit but how you gonna lie to me like i’m not gonna find out. come on.

DreamsMaterialize

January 31st, 2011
9:33 am

Morning
I vet while I date. As we talk on the phone, email, go out, I’m finding out about you and letting you know about me. It’s all part of the vetting process.

What’s the worst dating misadventure you endured because you did not screen your date?
I don’t have any outrageous stories. Oh wait, I kinda do. So, my homeboy was dating this chick, and he tells me her girl is looking to meet a cool dude and says we should all hang out. He said he had met her once and she seemed cool. So we go out and hit this restaurant. We’re all talking and joking, except ol’ girl. I ask her if she’s ok, and she says, “Naw, you need to thug it up.” Even her homegirl was like, “what the He!! is wrong with you! I can’t take you anywhere.” Afterward, my homeboy’s girl is apologizing like “I’m so sorry. my friend is kinda hood. other than that, what do you think about her?” WTF. lol

Yes She Is Cute

January 31st, 2011
9:42 am

“I’m so sorry. my friend is kinda hood. other than that, what do you think about her?”

@ Dreams hahahhahahaahahaha that is funny!

AmazonRed™

January 31st, 2011
10:06 am

Morning all –

Yes, I vet. I have too many crazy friends who don’t and they wind up with the craziest, drama filled relationships. The more you allow to talk get to know someone, the more you find about them. Folks are so busy rushing into things they don’t want to take the time to get to know someone. I think I can relax my vetting process a little, but better safe than sorry.

DreamsMaterialize

January 31st, 2011
10:06 am

Dreams hahahhahahaahahaha that is funny!
Yes The thing that killed me is that clearly I was being me. So, if I all of a sudden “thugged it up”, she would have respected the fake switch? lol

SexyCool

January 31st, 2011
10:26 am

Jeannette – hilarious! (lol)

Other than the most glaringly obvious traits/habits/beliefs/interests or whatever that you can *most* often (not always) determine fairly quickly, you really don’t know if a person is going to be a “great” date until you are on a date with them.

And even a great date may not be a good mate.

Mr_NYC

January 31st, 2011
10:28 am

I’m curious how to thug it up. It may come in handy for the future.
What did she expect you to smack her around a bit.
You should have went to the mens room and put your grill in and came back; asked the waiter for some strimps and hot sauce.

SexyCool

January 31st, 2011
10:31 am

Mr_NYC – that would be sKrimps, sir. (lol)

BlackMagicWoman

January 31st, 2011
10:41 am

MR_NYC…..man you just let your “Yankee-ness” show! :lol: Hey I’m a yankee too! No worries! I lived in Atlanta from 2004-2010 and it took me almost that long to learn what “amilady” meant. Someone had to translate. :lol:

Well those who know me, know that I have a crapload of bad date stories, So I must be a very bad vetter!

Mr_NYC

January 31st, 2011
10:46 am

Hey BMW, I’m from da Bronx. BTHS grad. Livin in NC and visiting the ATL on the weekends every now and then.
Skrimps, strimps, pulling it out with a toothpick, now that’s straight street there.
Some of them gals out there are serious about that thug life for real.

SexyCool

January 31st, 2011
10:49 am

Mr_NYC – that is the result of the “106&Park Effect.”

I do hope that they grow past that nonsense.

AmazonRed™

January 31st, 2011
10:50 am

I lived in Atlanta from 2004-2010

Uh…I thought you were coming back lady! Don’t make me and Page come up there and get you. :lol:

Robert

January 31st, 2011
10:57 am

What do you do to vet potential dates? – Let’s begin with on-line internet dating sites. We live in a global market place and dating via the internet is popular by demand and requires a “strategy” for success. For example my “strategy”. First select a site that has a system that matches your wants and needs (eHarmony, etc.) that will help you decide why I am on this dating site, who I am attracted to and where do they live. This is the most important step in the “vetting” process. Second write your profile as if you are applying for the most important job in your life and be honest about your intentions (just looking, long term, etc.). Most women want to know if you are serious or just interested in casual dating. Third, narrow your list of possibilities to no more than 3 women who meet your dating requirements. And last but not least schedule a date and determine if this person is right for you. “Vetting” via internet dating sites requires a “stategy” that allows you to be in control over the getting-to-know-you stage of the dating process.

BlackMagicWoman

January 31st, 2011
10:57 am

ARED…You can come up! :lol: But I think it’s a wrap for me and the ATL. :lol: I wish it were to move to Miami. But alas….I am back in the cold, snowy, overpriced city of NY! :-(

MR_NYC…I am a girl from Manhattan.

AmazonRed™

January 31st, 2011
11:05 am

But I think it’s a wrap for me and the ATL

OMG! We didn’t even have a chance to send you off properly! :(

BlackMagicWoman

January 31st, 2011
11:07 am

ARED…I am coming back in March to wrap things up. So I will get to see everybody and say goodbye.

Leggs

January 31st, 2011
11:11 am

Good morning.

@Kym ~ I bet I have you beat in the “jokers” category.

I’m like DreamsM, I listen, observe body language, see if spittle comes out when you speak, watch if any gathers at the corners of your mouth, etc. (lol).

Seriously, I guess I “vet” the hardest when on the phone with you because I don’t have eye to eye contact with you.

DreamsMaterialize

January 31st, 2011
11:11 am

I think it’s a wrap for me and the ATL. I wish it were to move to Miami
BMW Miami is sounding nicer by the day. So is the south pacific. I need to retire to an island, open a bed and breakfast, and be a tour guide. All my blog peoples get the VIP treatment when they come. lol

SexyCool

January 31st, 2011
11:17 am

Okay, folks…I am making (yet) another offer. Found a really decent place at a great price over the weekend in the Washington Park area – less than a block from the park.

Y’all keep your fingers crossed for me.

BlackMagicWoman

January 31st, 2011
11:18 am

DREAMS…I need to come with you! :lol: I am so over this cold and snow!

AmazonRed™

January 31st, 2011
11:21 am

Best of luck, SC…has that area turned around yet?

kimmie

January 31st, 2011
11:26 am

Morning all. Still a little mad it took me almost 2 hours to get to work this morning, when from SO’s house it’s usually no more than 35 minutes!

On topic:

However, you know yourself well enough to narrow down potential dates using reason and logic.

Yeah WD, I’ve always been this way, but then I get to hear from the “Just give him a chance, you never know” crowd! Bottom line, when I’ve gone against my better judgement and did just that, gave somebody I KNEW was not a match a chance, each and every time I was proven right. It’s just some things you know right off the bat, don’t even require date 1.

And yes, I always take time to get to know. Talk, ask questions, observe. Take time to do those things before jumping into bed with someone on date 1 or 2, only to realize you really don’t even like that person!

DreamsMaterialize

January 31st, 2011
11:34 am

Washington Park area
SexyC Man I went to some hellafied bbq’s in the summers back in the college days. Off the chains is all I can say. I heard that area has changed alot though…for the better. lol

DREAMS…I need to come with you!
BMW Vente conmigo mami! Let’s put all this cold behind us. ;-)

SexyCool

January 31st, 2011
11:34 am

It’s turning.
Nice little nest of a neighborhood.
Besides, I’m cool with the location. After I sold my first house, I lived a few streets south for almost two years.
So, I’m familiar with the area and with the locals.
(lol)

Some added bonuses are that this area is a part of the proposed Beltline redevelopment. Additionally, Walmart is expected to build in the location that Publix closed.

So…yeah…I’m really liking the changes that are coming and may just be patient enough to see them realized.

SexyCool

January 31st, 2011
11:36 am

Oh…and did I mention that it’s a block from the MARTA station? I can retire my truck on weekdays.

kimmie

January 31st, 2011
11:38 am

SCool – Keeping my fingers crossed for you!

AmazonRed™

January 31st, 2011
11:39 am

SCool – Is the house in question peach colored?

abc

January 31st, 2011
11:46 am

then do NOT agree to take your get the number of your church member’s brother.

I have to agree with those that criticize the content and grammatical quality of this post. What the heck is that supposed to really mean?

Vetting dates? Going out with tow truck drivers because they’re cute and they asked? How about just having a lick of common sense, and only go out with people that you really like? Of course, you may have to actually get to know them a little bit before going on any dates with them. That’d require at least a modicum of patience.

AmazonRed™

January 31st, 2011
11:51 am

Of course, you may have to actually get to know them a little bit before going on any dates with them. That’d require at least a modicum of patience.

:lol:

SexyCool

January 31st, 2011
11:57 am

No. It’s a mossy green color. But, I know which one you’re talking about. Did you see the photos that are posted online with the MLS listing?

kimmie

January 31st, 2011
12:02 pm

You know, I see why a lot of people are fat. Most do not know how to put together a balanced meal! My mom used to point that out to us all the time. They’ll order a plate full of starches and meat, with no green vegetable in sight, not even a green salad.

This lady behind me in the cafeteria had an order of fried chicken, rice & gravy and corn. And yes, overweight. I mean, of course everyone has a right to eat what they want. But most people that do that have no idea that is not a balanced meal.

Just an observation.

AmazonRed™

January 31st, 2011
12:03 pm

Did you see the photos that are posted online with the MLS listing?

No, but I figured I knew what section you were talking about. Years ago, when I was looking, they had a program where they were pretty much giving you tons of money to buy in that area and building your house from scratch.

A couple of those programs are defunct now, but that area you’re bidding on, you can probably get another $20K out the city if the programs are still around.

SexyCool

January 31st, 2011
12:08 pm

They are still giving a ton of money for that area. However, some of the ones that are worth the most require ten and fifteen year owner / occupant commitments.

I think I’m good with my modest sum of free money that would only require the five year commitment.

As to the photos of that listing, it appears that the occupant of the house assumed that they would only be taking pictures of the downstairs area (it was clean and neat) and did not realize that they would be posting photos of those junky ass bedrooms.

Actually, I can’t believe they posted them myself. Just a mess.

DreamsMaterialize

January 31st, 2011
12:10 pm

Sort of slow in here today. People must have overdone it with all that beautiful weather we were having. It sure was nice out there.

kimmie

January 31st, 2011
12:13 pm

Dreams – We were at the community center for the martial arts class yesterday. A lot of people were out in the park nearby.

Definitely gave me a case of spring fever!

SexyCool

January 31st, 2011
12:16 pm

However, if I were to take advantage of all the programs that I could *stack* for that location, it would come to almost $30K in downpayment assistance.

DreamsMaterialize

January 31st, 2011
12:20 pm

Dreams – We were at the community center for the martial arts class yesterday. A lot of people were out in the park nearby.
kimmie It was a great weekend to be out. We were out all weekend, brunch, the park, a little shopping, caught a movie…loved it!

AmazonRed™

January 31st, 2011
12:38 pm

SCool – Did ADA change from 10 years to five?

Yeah, I think I was up for $60K…I did the United Way program too and they gave you a grant free and clear. But they only allowed for certain zip codes and even though I completed the program, the area I chose wasn’t in the required zip so I lost out. I liked that program though because they held money for you in an account, so that if you ran into any difficulty paying the mortgage they would help you via the account. If you had no problems after two years, they used that money to pay on your principle.

As such, homeowners in that program had a 0% foreclosure rate!

SexyCool

January 31st, 2011
12:41 pm

One of the ADA programs is five years.
A few of the others are still ten years.
The Beltline program requires a 15 year commitment.

AmazonRed™

January 31st, 2011
12:43 pm

he Beltline program requires a 15 year commitment

By golly. :lol:

SexyCool

January 31st, 2011
12:47 pm

Exactly. Besides, I don’t want to commit to accepting more money than I could reasonably pay back should I not be able to meet the terms of the program.

SexyCool

January 31st, 2011
12:49 pm

Or more to the point…I don’t want to accept more money than I could sell the house for to cover paying back the grant.
Whothehell knows what is going to happen with this market? Short term and especially long range.

AmazonRed™

January 31st, 2011
12:50 pm

Yeah, GA dream and ADA is a good mix. ADA forgives more of the money each year you own so it makes it reasonable.

CoolShadow

January 31st, 2011
12:51 pm

What do you do to vet potential dates?

I vet dates by engaging them to talk about themselves and making mental notes from conversations and observations when we meet. This might lead to a first date or in some cases it has been a spontaneous date from a random encounter. I don’t think you can find out everything from telephone pre-screenings prior to a first date. The vetting process is not a one-shot deal; it’s a continual process until you feel it’s either okay to let some defenses down or you decide to keep it moving because of what you’ve seen (or not seen). It becomes a problem when a person doesn’t know when to lift the vetting process and begin investing in a relationship or ending things.

If the person is a referral, do you find out the basic information that places them in potentially great date category?

I would expect the referring person to have some basic information about the potential date as to whether I’m interested in pursuing their recommendation. The key to this is to consider the source. Does this person have any idea of your taste and preferences in potential dates?