Dating men and their complex egos

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January 28th, 2011
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January 28th, 2011
6:24 am

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John Ellison

January 28th, 2011
6:28 am

Your ego is not your friend. If men and women stop listening to their ego, we would get along much better.

joe

January 28th, 2011
6:55 am

You are making this way too difficult.

Samantha

January 28th, 2011
7:52 am

Men tell me all the time that they are very basic. They want simple things like food, sex, and to see me smile (not necessarily in that order). They want to be admired for the things that are important to them (not us) their work or a game played well.

They could care less about the details of your life…just the facts please. It doesn’t mean they don’t care about you just not all the intricate details of your life.

I find that when I listen thoughtfully and allow them to do things their own way (even though it may not be the best way) or have their own opinion life is better with men. Their ego is stroked but I don’t lose myself. Mutual respect is probably the biggest key.

So in a nutshell:
!. Admire
2. Listen
3. Respect

I wouldn’t try to contorting yourself to do these things if it’s not a natural part of who you are. They know when you are faking (mostly), so work on these three things, practice, practice, practice if you want a harmonious relationship with men.

Check out What Women Never Hear at http://wwnh.wordpress.com too. That Guy is right on point and tells it like it is in a way women can understand.

JSS

January 28th, 2011
7:52 am

@ joe…
Co-sign

Jeff

January 28th, 2011
8:09 am

Why is it men have “male egos” but women have “self confidence”?

Rell - i want some pudding

January 28th, 2011
8:18 am

Guys, what is the best advice you can give women to handle your egos?

-SHUT THE FUG UP WHEN I AM SPEAKING..best advice ladies!!!

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 28th, 2011
8:30 am

Patronizing me, or attempting to, in an effort to assuage my ego is insulting.

After a certain number of years on this earth, I’ve had my share of humiliation, aggrandizement, appeasement, and suffering – my ego is fine.

If I were to employ ladies to recognize anything about the “male” ego as opposed to the “female” ego it would be this – we’re not that fragile and we don’t need our ego’s stroked, carressed or other technique designed to “handle” me.

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
8:41 am

Morning all -

Not good with ego, I think it causes people to be irrational, but I do acknowlege it’s a very fragile thing for many. My ego tends to keep me in check…but it’s there.

My philosophy with men is simple, I believe strong men need support and peace from their women. I saw how much better my Dad operated when his home was calm and he knew my Mom was in his corner. So that’s what I offer. If you can’t feel good after that, then there ain’t much more I can do for ya.

Y'all Are Kids

January 28th, 2011
8:46 am

Dan is right on. If I may add, when you ask us what we’re thinking and we say nothing. Let it go. We’re thinking about something you wouldn’t approve of, or wouldn’t understand.
And I don’t need my ego strocked. That only makes it grow, and nobody wants that! I want to be appreciated. If you can’t apreciate me, move on. Cause you sure as hell ain’t gonna change me.

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
8:48 am

We’re thinking about something you wouldn’t approve of, or wouldn’t understand.

Well tough.

Y'all Are Kids

January 28th, 2011
8:57 am

Well tough.

My daughter used to ask her boyfriend all the time what he was thinking. This would leave him uncomfortable and anxious. He didn’t want to hurt her feelings. I pulled him aside one day and told him that the best way to put an end to that was to simply tell her. In complete color with all the details. She still doesn’t understand the infield fly rule, but she sure should.

So g’head, keep asking, you may find out. But like I said, you won’t “get it”.

kimmie

January 28th, 2011
8:58 am

Morning Blog Crew!

Amred – Uh, yeah, what you said, including the “well tough”!

Dudes & egos – Whatever

I give everyone I deal with their due respect, but I’m not kissing nobody’s butt. If you’re an adult, I treat you like one. Not speaking while someone else is speaking is basic courtesy. If you don’t respect me & try to treat me like a child, guess what? I won’t disrespect or treat you like a child in return, I just won’t deal with you at all.

Nobody wants to be put down or belittled, everyone appreciates being appreciated. Everyone would like a little positive support on a regular basis. To be treat like they “matter”. It’s just that simple to me.

All this “understanding male ego” ish, like I said, whatever.

kimmie

January 28th, 2011
8:59 am

Won’t get it

It just really isn’t that deep.

Y'all Are Kids

January 28th, 2011
9:02 am

- It just really isn’t that deep. –

Is that not what I just said?

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
9:03 am

So g’head, keep asking, you may find out. But like I said, you won’t “get it”.

It’s not about “getting it” but it is about respecting your partner enough to do more than dismiss them and lie with a “nothing.”

And perhaps, some lucky few will actually understand the infield fly rule. Heaven forbid women actual have brains.

But no, I’m not one to pester anyone in to talking to me. I’ll find out what I need to know anyway, so make it easy on yourself.

kimmie

January 28th, 2011
9:08 am

Y’all – No. Cause obviously you don’t get where I’m coming from.

I’m saying whatever a dude is brooding over, just wouldn’t be that deep to me. If it’s something serious, deal with it. I’ll ask you once out of simple concern, but if you can’t open your mouth and talk, well go on about your business cause I will definitely go about mine. All this “you won;t understand” or “won’t get it” – that’s stupid and frankly a little rude.

kimmie

January 28th, 2011
9:08 am

Y’all – No. Cause obviously you don’t get where I’m coming from.

I’m saying whatever a dude is brooding over, just wouldn’t be that deep to me. If it’s something serious, deal with it. I’ll ask you once out of simple concern, but if you can’t open your mouth and talk, well go on about your business cause I will definitely go about mine. All this “you won;t understand” or “won’t get it” – that’s stupid and frankly a little rude.

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 28th, 2011
9:10 am

@Kimmie

And there it is.

I don’t deal with a “female” ego, I deal with the female.

If you’re trying to deal with the “male” ego, rather than the man – #fail.

kimmie

January 28th, 2011
9:12 am

Plus, what does pestering some brooding dude into talking have to do with the topic at hand – understanding male ego?

Simple Man!!!

January 28th, 2011
9:13 am

Mornign Ladies and Gents…..

The biggest problem I see with women and the male ego is that to often, Women try to view male issues thru a Female mentality….Prime example Guy and girl are newly dating…..Girl needs to know that not only do we not want to hear about how great or bad your ex was…..We don’t care!!! And if we have to hear about it to often we are going to lose interest!!!!!!

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
9:13 am

All this “you won;t understand” or “won’t get it” – that’s stupid and frankly a little rude.

Precisely.

I’d rather him say “I’m not ready to talk about it” or even “none of your business.” Cuz while “none of your business” is definitely rude, at least it’s more truthful than “nothing” when it’s something.

I mean, getting “uncomfortable and anxious” cuz he was thinking about the infield fly rule and didn’t want to just say it to his girlfriend? Not buying it.

kimmie

January 28th, 2011
9:13 am

If you’re trying to deal with the “male” ego, rather than the man ..

Dan – absolutely!

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 28th, 2011
9:16 am

@kimmie

“I’m saying whatever a dude is brooding over, just wouldn’t be that deep to me.”

You’re better than that.

If he’s “brooding” then it may be important to him…

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
9:16 am

Plus, what does pestering some brooding dude into talking have to do with the topic at hand – understanding male ego?

I guess their egos won’t let them open up and spill whatever is eating them. *shrug*

But I think “y’alls” man card needs to be under review, cuz some men on here have tried to sell this “when I say it’s nothing, it really is nothing” thing for years. Now we know that it is indeed something…

kimmie

January 28th, 2011
9:16 am

Simple – Again, what does that dating scenario have to do with ego?

I mean, we don’t want or care to hear about your ex either when we’re newly dating!!

Y'all Are Kids

January 28th, 2011
9:20 am

Who said anything about brooding? Oh yeah, Kimmie has an issue with brooding men. This is about male egos.
Men think differently than women. As a f’rinstance, when a woman asks a man what he is thinking, she will probably get an answer she is not anticipating, such as the Co-efficient of temperature effect on rotating mass. Which is why my bike seems slower when it’s cold. She wanted to hear how much his life has improved since she came along. It has, but he wasn’t thinking about it.

kimmie

January 28th, 2011
9:24 am

Dan – What do you mean I’m better than that?

I have very little patience for temp tantrums and childish behavior. If it’s so important to him that it’s affecting others around him, mainly me, and he can’t let me in, it’s not going to go too well with us. Like Amred said, even if he says none of my business, either deal with it or get over it. I’m not a nagger. I’m a reasonable person and even if it’s nothing I can’t help you with, give me the due respect.

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 28th, 2011
9:24 am

“such as the Co-efficient of temperature effect on rotating mass.”

Um, too much; even for me

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
9:25 am

As a f’rinstance, when a woman asks a man what he is thinking

She just wants to know what he’s thinking…as long as it’s the truth. Period.

If she wants to know how much his life has improved since she came along, she’ll ask him that directly.

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 28th, 2011
9:28 am

@kimmie

I mean, you’re better than that. You’re better than “don’t ask, don’t tell, don’t care” type attitude. Or at least, that’s been my read.

I thought you were the type that would understand that maybe he’s not ready to talk right now. I thought that if he’s concerned about it, that you were confident and comfortable enough to be there for him when he’s ready.

What I didn’t expect was a dismissive attitude…

kimmie

January 28th, 2011
9:29 am

Yall – Again, whatever.

And who cares if it’s an answer I’m not anticipating. At least it’s an answer. Anyway, I’m not your daughter. I’ll ask once and if you can’t talk, obviously it’s really isn’t that important. I’ll then keep it moving!

Y'all Are Kids

January 28th, 2011
9:31 am

Guys, what is the best advice you can give women to handle your egos?
– Don’t try to understand them on your terms. Take them for what they are, base/simple/rudimentary.

Do you think women try to manipulate or control your egos?
– Some do and it’s extremely apparent and short lived when they do.

What role does it play in how you value yourself as a man?

– None, but then, I’m perfect.

What is the biggest misconception about male egos?

– They’re fragile. Trust me, mine isn’t.

Ok?

Kym

January 28th, 2011
9:34 am

Good Morning All,

I really don’t think I want to understand the male ego. I have tried being understanding and kind but frankly if that means coddling and cojoling(Today’s word) then guess what..TOUGH..grow a pair joker Kimmie and ARed said it best walking around saying oh I’m good, I’m fine..when your face has that look like you got severe jock itch..is just stupid.

NaTuRaL20

January 28th, 2011
9:34 am

So g’head, keep asking, you may find out. But like I said, you won’t “get it”.

Why do men act like women either can’t handle what they are thinking or are not intuitive enough to “get it”. I was raised by my father and he raised to me to think like a man, just without the testosterone. So give it a try you may just be surprised.

*******************************************************************************
The male ego. I think you are definitely over thinking it. There are some basic similarities that all men share and the same with women. However, I don’t think one size fits all. It depends on the man or woman. Some men have really big egos and can be real jerks and probably the same with women.

I agree with the ladies. It’s not brain surgery. Basically treat each other the way you want to be treated. Simple as that. You respect me, I respect you. You listen to me when I talk and don’t interrupt then I will give you the same courtesy, etc.

A man wants to feel like a man and a woman wants to be treated like a lady. Bottom line. I don’t think that anyone should have to go out of their way to stroke anyone’s anything just to make life easier. When I deal with someone with a big ego or some other personality flaw that I can’t get around then I just make a mental note to limit my interaction with this person.

Kym

January 28th, 2011
9:35 am

@Dan..uhh your 9:28 comment..yeah it looks like your slip is showing cut it out.

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
9:38 am

when your face has that look like you got severe jock itch..is just stupid.

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
9:41 am

One of my friends was featured on one of those HGTV homebuying shows last night. She was in the market for a home with her fiance.

She clearly knew she has a man whose ego needed to be stroked. When she walked into the kitchen and saw the granite counter tops…she asked her man “honey, what is that?” And he proudly told her it was granite.

Come on now…

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 28th, 2011
9:42 am

@Kym

Again, it’s the man.

My “slip”? Really? Do better.

To your attempt at sarcasm I say this, I’m the man that I was born to be. I’m comfortable expressing myself because I’ve taken the time to get to know me.

And in that, there are times when I’m trying to figure stuff out. I often try to understand/fix it myself before asking for help. during that time I’m not as dismissive as to say “nothing” to my lady, but I will throw out a “I’m not sure yet”.

But if and when I need help, my girl is among the people I turn to – when I’m ready.

And to expect her to be there when I need her, and not pouting becuase I didn’t answer her question on her timeline, is what makes my lady right for me.

Now, for the next man, the next chick..

kimmie

January 28th, 2011
9:43 am

Dan – Yes, you know I am totally down for my man.

But having one dismiss me like I’m not intellient, pout, brood – I would not react well in that scenario Mr Kid’s gave.

abc

January 28th, 2011
9:45 am

Comes a time when one must check their ego at the door. If you encounter a person possessing an ego that requires that you ’stroke it’ or ‘co-exist with it’, and they’re so stuck on themselves that they can’t change that, then ditch them. They’re certain to make you miserable.

Kym

January 28th, 2011
9:45 am

I swear this whole line of convo has me thinking of Jack Nicholas’s line..”YOU WANT THE TRUTH, YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!”..

“

SlimNumeroUno

January 28th, 2011
9:48 am

Whew! I had my ego stroked last night and something amazing happened. j/k

kimmie

January 28th, 2011
9:48 am

but I will throw out a “I’m not sure yet”.

Dan – See, absolutely nothing wrong with that. My man has done that several times. When he was ready he came to me & I was there.

No pouting or smart behind answer like Mr. Kids gave.

Raqi V

January 28th, 2011
9:49 am

I am still on that quest to understand the male psyche, behavioral patterns, and the male ego!

Good lawd WiseDiva why would you want to drag yourself into such a convoluted, dreadful and dirty place? LOL (j/k)

But speaking in all truth the best a woman can do for her man and his ego is respect him.

I know men like ForReal insist that a man’s ego cannot be bruised, ‘cause he (ForReal) is so untouchable, but I have yet to meet a man that has responded positively or without emotion to being disrespected, used and abused.

Every dog appreciates a pat on the head or getting his tummy rubbed.

PrincessNik

January 28th, 2011
9:49 am

Ared

I watched that episode last night. I cringed at that question like is she for real

kimmie

January 28th, 2011
9:50 am

Kym – Girl, we are thinking alike with that Jack reference! LOL!!!

TenderRoni

January 28th, 2011
9:50 am

I think key to dealing with a man’s ego, is to understand the man. Because every man is different, some like compliments and have their ego stroked, while others simply want to be appreciated for thier love actions. You have to get to know and understand that person.

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
9:50 am

Whew! I had my ego stroked last night and something amazing happened.

Slim – Corner!

Kym

January 28th, 2011
9:51 am

@Dan oh please..every other day the fellows call us out as fragile and emotion driven..and then when there is a topic out here for you guys to give insights into how to deal with you. The best ya’ll can come up with is..just let me be. That’s it? That’s the whole secret..just let me be..but if said woman just lets you be..then it’s she is not giving me enough attention or time.. she is being dismissive to my feelings.blah blah. I said it before and I will say it again..something is not quite right with that Ychromosome

kimmie

January 28th, 2011
9:51 am

Amred – Was it a new episode?

abc

January 28th, 2011
9:51 am

Personally, I’d find ‘ego stroking’ to be patronizing, and would take exception to it.

SlimNumeroUno

January 28th, 2011
9:52 am

Just thought i’d pop in for a sec after I have to go through this huge ambush of emails from my crazy, derranged, obssessive boss.

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
9:52 am

I watched that episode last night. I cringed at that question like is she for real

Girl… And you know she has a top notch education right… right.

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
9:54 am

Amred – Was it a new episode?

Kimmie – Yup!

M. (pronouced M dot)

January 28th, 2011
9:55 am

Good friday everybody. Im flying out to vegas in a few hours so this should be fun…this should be interesting.

I did want to chime in on the following questions:

Guys, what is the best advice you can give women to handle your egos? Do you think women try to manipulate or control your egos?

The best advice I can give a woman regarding handling a man’s ego is that all we want is to be respected. If you cant do that, then all we want is to not be disrespected. Thats the secret to the whole experience. Respect the guy you are with and you will go far.

I think some women do manipulate guys just because they want to see how much they can control a guy, things to get him to do, etc.
What role does it play in how you value yourself as a man? What is the biggest misconception about male egos?

Ego’s are irrelevant. Its all about the guys confidence in himself and what he brings to the table and his personal knowledge of his abilities. The biggest misconception about male egos is that it is like the incredible hulk. Just because a guy is not a super loud type doesnt give you a pass to come at him sideways. Respect is all you need to remember.

PrincessNik

January 28th, 2011
9:56 am

ARed

I could tell by the way she said it she knew the answer, but hey if it works for her…..

On the other hand it kinda sounded like when you are trying to reinforce something you’ve taught a child

“what color is that car honey”

kimmie

January 28th, 2011
9:57 am

Amred – I wonder how they felt when they later watched it? But I guess if he’s that far gone, he won’t see how dumb she looked.

Guess that’s the way she’s gotta deal with him to make him feel comfortable. Whatever works for them.

You all would hear me all over Atlanta screaming though!

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
9:58 am

I could tell by the way she said it she knew the answer, but hey if it works for her…..

I’m sure she was just trying to get her man to talk more. I dunno. You gotta set it up to make it interesting. I thought their banter was cute, especially when he started cracking on all of her shoes.

Guys and their need for “man caves!”

Raqi V

January 28th, 2011
9:59 am

I think my definition of stroking someone’s ego must be different than most. I know the term usually gets use in a negative sense but IMO it’s not a negative thing.

Who doesn’t like a compliment? I am not talking not being able to function without being told how wonderful you are at every waking moment, but what’s wrong with complimenting your SO in a nice way just to let them you think they are special?

It’s a really cold, callous, detached human being that does not ever need sensual caring interaction from another person.

We all have egos that do not respond well to rejection or failure. And it’s not hard to recognize when someone’s ‘ego’ has been bruised and they are now overcompensating in some way to mask it.

If it okay for women to receive compliments, why is it so wrong to “stroke” a man’s ego? In fact what’s the difference in the two?

kimmie

January 28th, 2011
9:59 am

M dot – Where are you staying in Vegas? We are getting married there & I’m trying to narrow down the spots I’m interested in.

Good post, by the way.

SlimNumeroUno

January 28th, 2011
10:00 am

‘Corner!’

Ared – Aw man….already?…but i wanna play some more…can I get off (no pun intended) with just a warning this time

PrincessNik

January 28th, 2011
10:01 am

Ared it was one of the better episodes i’ve seen since the “new format” for that show. When she was like I can have this closet and you can have the other, my SO looks at me and says now who does that sound like

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
10:01 am

Amred – I wonder how they felt when they later watched it? But I guess if he’s that far gone, he won’t see how dumb she looked.

I’m sure they felt a little silly…the cameras played up her love of shoes and a big closet and his need for a “man cave.” But all in all it was a good episode, you can tell they really like each other. I’m thinking maybe she was trying to play a little soft, cuz some of the single women come off kind of aggressive sometimes. Not like there is anything wrong with that, especially with such a large purchase like a home.

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 28th, 2011
10:02 am

@Raqi

“but I have yet to meet a man that has responded positively or without emotion to being disrespected, used and abused.

Every dog appreciates a pat on the head or getting his tummy rubbed.”

One, can we please stop the equating (however casual) of men with dogs?

Two, respect is internal – no one can “disrespect” me but me.

Three, again how you deal with your man is between you and him, but let’s not extrapolate and project that onto the entirety of the male specie.

@Kym

That’s not what I’ve said at all.

My initial comment was for no female (or male) to try and ‘deal’ with my “ego”, especially when the man is standing right there. Deal with me – not some perception of me or figurative part of me.

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
10:03 am

@PrincessNik – Yeah, I don’t think I’m a fan of the new format either. Seems like they give you less info now. But yeah, I’m happy for them.

You and your SO should do a show like that then.

M. (pronouced M dot)

January 28th, 2011
10:06 am

@Kimmie

Thanks. Las Vegas Hilton. You can find great deals at http://www.sidestep.com

kimmie

January 28th, 2011
10:07 am

Somebody has their drawers in a bunch today!

PrincessNik

January 28th, 2011
10:08 am

You and your SO should do a show like that then

@ ARed won’t be anytime soon, I wouldn’t want to try and sell my house in this market

abc

January 28th, 2011
10:08 am

A genuine compliment isn’t given to appease some sense of what the other person’s ego requires. That’s just patronization. Nobody likes to be patronized.

The notion that a woman should (or must) do things like that, such as delivering false compliments just to make nice, has everything to do with how American women employ mendacity as a way of life. Likewise, they’d only say nice things about their kids to other women, with whom they’d feel ‘kid competition’, even if the nice things they’d say weren’t true, like academic acumen or talent. Same thing, when you get right down to it.

kimmie

January 28th, 2011
10:08 am

Thanks so much, M dot!

Kym

January 28th, 2011
10:09 am

Raqi I am with you on the compliments we all like them..and appreciate them and we all like to feel appreciated..but I think I am more along the lines of having to tip-toe around someone because they had a bad day..and if you ask what’s wrong and they say ohh nothing.when clearly they looked like their world is crashing alround. Okay fine you want to go around pretending nothing is wrong..I will treat you like nothing is wrong.

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 28th, 2011
10:10 am

@kimmie

Not I; heavens no.

The “dog” reference made me think of a patna that just got a book published titled “if men are dogs, what about the ibtches that deal with em

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
10:11 am

Somebody has their drawers in a bunch today!

I’m sayin… geeze louise.

M. (pronouced M dot)

January 28th, 2011
10:14 am

How do/should guys handle women’s ego’s or self confidence?

My strategy is to not play games with her and give it to her straight and let her decide. I am not going to say what she wants to hear because she does not want to face reality.

In the end, most women will respect you for not telling them what they want to hear.

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
10:14 am

kimmie – One of my friends got married at Planet Hollywood. I think you can customize your package, but his included a red carpet experience and a “reporter” who interviewed guest in front of a step and repeat before the ceremony while we waited for it to start. It was kind of cool.

The nice thing about Planet Hollywood is the location of it on the strip. You’re in the middle of it, so it’s easy to go everywhere. The rooms were great too.

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
10:16 am

but let’s not extrapolate and project that onto the entirety of the male specie.

DreamsMaterialize

January 28th, 2011
10:17 am

Morning Everyone

Guys, what is the best advice you can give women to handle your egos? Do you think women try to manipulate or control your egos?
Best advice for handling my ego is to NOT handle my ego. Trying to handle my ego is akin to “manipulating” and “controlling” my ego. Just give me the respect that I give you, ego aside. If you feel the need to handle my ego, is it because you feel I’m not doing a good enough job of it myself?

Raqi V

January 28th, 2011
10:22 am

abc not that you can’t function without it, but do you not find it endearing when your wife just let’s you know she is feeling you or in your corner when you are having an off day?

Disclaimer: I am in no way calling men dogs (smirk) or saying they should be treated like and animal but this is the best example that all are familiar with that I can think of right now.

But I have been told that the better you take care of your dog the better he will be there for you. I have yet to see an owner of a dog, when the dog walks up to him/her, not pat that dogs head or back. That dog becomes loyal to that owner.

I don’t see it being any different with people. We tend to be more trusting and loyal to those that “stroke” and care for us.

kimmie

January 28th, 2011
10:24 am

Amred – Cool!

Kym – I feel ya, not tiptoeing with nobody! Even if you say, hey I’ll tell you later, I’m fine with that. I’ve been there myself, we all have. I’ve even had my man to say, like if he’s explaining a legal situation or repairs to a car, he’ll ask me up front do I really want him to explain it all cause it’s really complicated. He’s not condesending about it, he’s just like “hey I wouldn’t be dealing with this mess myself right now if I didn’t have to.” It just need to be a nice ease and flow to things, without all the tension!

Like many have said, respect is key. Not rocket science.

Celisea

January 28th, 2011
10:24 am

Morning,

Well, I dunno. I’m not into saying pretty things all for a man to hear. I’m not into stroking either…it’s patronizing. I don’t have a probably supporting and making it known but I don’t really prescribe to “hush unless I say talk” or “speak when you’re spoken to” or saying all the right things….seems barbaric and cavemanish. I just think the basic ground rule is to respect one another….all time time…and reciprocally…not when just when it’s good for you. To truly know we won’t always agree and I’m not out of line for speaking up and saying so. I think most men want the docile woman but won’t respect if they can walk over. Can appreciate the aggressive but too much of that grates on their nerves. Honestly though when I read the first few posts (from men) Steve Harvey’s book came to mind….yeah a friend sent to me some time ago on pdf…of all the “do rights if you want to catch and keep me”…how fair is that. The tone of some of these men sounds like “it easy, all you need to do is sit up straight, talk when spoken to, be sexy, give sexy” and it’s all good. When REALLY, it’s not that simple.

Y'all Are Kids

January 28th, 2011
10:28 am

C – You forgot “Show up Nekkid”.

Celisea

January 28th, 2011
10:29 am

YAKs….yeah I did….Show Up Nekkid…ding ding ding, you’re a winner

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 28th, 2011
10:30 am

@Raqi

I apologize if I offended you in anyway, that was not my intent.

It’s just that the “men = dogs” theme is wearing thin.

I wasn’t at you personally about it. Again, I apologize.

Celisea

January 28th, 2011
10:31 am

Awwwww, that’s so nice. See you men can do it!!!

Celisea

January 28th, 2011
10:32 am

Raqi V

January 28th, 2011
10:35 am

Kym, I agree. Having to tip-toe around a grown man just ain’t part of my “duty” as a mate. If he is that sensitive he needs to not be dealing in matters of relations.

Yes we all have feeling and they all get hurt at times. But damn if I am going to be handling a man like fine crystal. I am not going to treat him as if he has not feelings but I am not going to not be free to say what I want around him either.

Kisses someone’s arse and pretending to like and stroking their ego at times is not the same in my book.

Leggs

January 28th, 2011
10:36 am

Good freaking morning….you guys are on it this morning.

I don’t care to deal with egos. If your ego is front and center whereby I can’t see the person, then I need to show you my backside.

Raqi V

January 28th, 2011
10:38 am

Dan, you did not offend me. I used the “dog” reference in terms of people in general. It just so happen that we are talking about men today.

That’s why I said women liking to be told we are beautiful and smart and men liking to be told you are strong and wonderful is all the same to me. All dogs like to have their belly rubbed. Treat it right it will be loyal and protect you.

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
10:42 am

I used the “dog” reference in terms of people in general.

Trust me Raqi, the rest of us got that. *smh*

Raqi V

January 28th, 2011
10:43 am

such as delivering false compliments just to make nice

abc why does it have to be false? Seriously are you only open to being told how much your wife loves your (insert whatever) only at appointed times?

So if you are rearranging the furniture for her and she finds it endearing and offers you a compliment you feel she is just trying to make nice? Really?

Raqi V

January 28th, 2011
10:45 am

AmazonR, how does that saying go? A hit dog will do what? LOL

Just kidding Dan. But only a little. LOL

CoolShadow

January 28th, 2011
10:47 am

What women need to realize is that with dealing men is that it’s not a one-size-fits-all scenario. Some men are self-sustaining while others need to be coddled and cajoled as someone mentioned earlier; and some appreciate compliments but don’t live for them because they feel what they do and/or how they conduct their lives is the essence of their definition and purpose and aren’t looking for praise. And then there are some who sport the “look at me” mentality and think they have to be given props on all facets of their lives. Women just have to decide what their tolerance level is and that will go a long way in determining what kind of man they’re willing to deal with.

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
10:48 am

AmazonR, how does that saying go? A hit dog will do what? LOL

Raqi… *gasping for air* You don’t know JUST how close I was to posting that very phrase!

But hey, if the shoe fit…

i'm swiss™

January 28th, 2011
10:48 am

“at least it’s more truthful than “nothing” when it’s something. “

Okay, I know I’m late, but allow me to translate:

In DudeSpeak, “nothing” = “I promise it’s neither important nor anything that would interest you in the least, so explaining it to you, or anyone else, for that matter would be a colossal waste of both our time. Sometimes, I enjoy quietly contemplating stupid, inconsequential sh!t. This is one of those times.”

Hope this helps…

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
10:54 am

Swiss – Nope, cuz the point is we don’t want you making that decision for us.

Again, get a better answer than “nothing.”

abc

January 28th, 2011
10:54 am

No, Raqi; actually, she refers to things like that as ‘acts of service’, and are the things she appreciates the most, so when she thanks me or compliments me on doing them, I know it’s sincere, and not something she feels like she should or must do in order to appease some perception of what my ego wants.

i'm swiss™

January 28th, 2011
10:55 am

“cuz the point is we don’t want you making that decision for us.”

Well then you’re too d@mn nosy…

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
10:58 am

Absolutely, but as said before women don’t want to be patronized either.

i'm swiss™

January 28th, 2011
11:04 am

But how is it patronizing to say that it’s nothing? As in, nothing important? I spent a good hour yesterday after I got home from work contemplating my ideal coaching candidates for UGA football, assuming next year doesn’t go so well & Richt gets canned. Now, 1) what woman really wants to hear about that? And 2) if I told you that, you would think I was lying & hiding something…

DreamsMaterialize

January 28th, 2011
11:05 am

I’ll “brood” on my own time, if I just really have to do that. No one wants to be around me acting all schitty, especially if I’m refusing to talk about it. I can’t stand when people do that, and I’m sure they would feel the same way if I were doing it.

i'm swiss™

January 28th, 2011
11:10 am

Now, if you are “brooding” and acting like something is wrong & won’t talk about it, that’s a different story… But many times, when I’m just chillaxing, you’d be amazed how completely useless my thoughts are…

i'm swiss™

January 28th, 2011
11:11 am

Or maybe you wouldn’t be amazed…

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
11:11 am

Swiss – “Nothing” and “nothing important” are not the same thing. And as Kym stated earlier, if it’s affecting your mood, and the people around you then it is “something.” So it’s patronizing to act like “it’s nothing” when it is and for you to just inject that tired excuse.

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
11:12 am

But many times, when I’m just chillaxing, you’d be amazed how completely useless my thoughts are…

So don’t flatter yourself. When that’s going down, I doubt many women are jumping around asking what you are thinking. Save that for sitcoms, we have our own lives and things to think about.

SlimNumeroUno

January 28th, 2011
11:13 am

Dream – when my beau is in one of those moods, he becomes very distant and takes his “ME” time. At first I was a little thrown off by it because i’m a communicator. I don’t like Not knowing if there is a problem or something bothering a person I care about. But slowly i’m learning I have to let him deal with it in his own way…he already told me it doesn’t always have to be something about me, but that he deals with it and when or even IF he so choses to discuss it, he will. It’s definitely hard because my urge is to want to nurture the hurt/wound/issue/concern and it makes me feel shut out.

Raqi V

January 28th, 2011
11:14 am

WiseDiva, I hope you be fair and do an entry on women and our Emo.Tions so we can tell the menfolk the same thing they are telling us. All we require is to be respected and not taken for granted.

We are not all oversensitive, catty and crazy. Period.

i'm swiss™

January 28th, 2011
11:14 am

ARed — Now that I agree with… (see previous post). I was thinking more of times when a chick will just ask out of the blue what you’re thinking, without you acting like something is wrong… Just because I’m quiet, doesn’t mean I’m in deep thought…

Celisea

January 28th, 2011
11:15 am

“Nothing” and “nothing important” are not the same thing.

Right. If it’s it’s “something” but you’re wanting to claim “nothing” then I say “act” accordingly. If you want to say it’s nothing, then put your happy face on.

Kym

January 28th, 2011
11:17 am

You know maybe when the fellows have that look of deep thought and thinking it looks like constipation to us..so we think you are in pain. LOLOL!!!

i'm swiss™

January 28th, 2011
11:18 am

“You know maybe when the fellows have that look of deep thought and thinking it looks like constipation to us..so we think you are in pain. “

Kym — Bingo!

i'm swiss™

January 28th, 2011
11:19 am

You jest, but seriously… sitting quietly != brooding. And just because I don’t have a smile on my face doesn’t mean something’s wrong.

i'm swiss™

January 28th, 2011
11:21 am

Oh… sorry, I just realized, not everyone is a nerd like me… != means “not equal”

SlimNumeroUno

January 28th, 2011
11:25 am

As I woman, I like to feel loved, appreciated, respected and special.

abc

January 28th, 2011
11:28 am

Besides, if you ask a guy what’s up or what he’s thinking and he says ‘nothing’, chances are you really don’t want to know, anyway. He should say he’s thinking about some sports topic, the MFer at work that’s trying to circumvent his agenda, or even just say “I was thinking about something that you can do for me right now, wink wink”. Hm. Could make you sorry you asked, don’t you think?

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
11:30 am

Could make you sorry you asked, don’t you think?

If I ask, I’m willing to take the risk.

Raqi V

January 28th, 2011
11:32 am

As I woman, I like to feel loved, appreciated, respected and special

Slim, I’m right there with you. I ain’t gone lie I love to be respected, hugged, kissed and complimented by the one I love. That’s just fact. Stroke me baby, stroke me. Not you Slim, I’m talking about my man. LOL

I’ll take 20 strokes for $1000, Alex. LOL

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
11:35 am

I’ll take 20 strokes for $1000, Alex. LOL

Are conjugal visits allowed during your sentence?

SlimNumeroUno

January 28th, 2011
11:38 am

‘Are conjugal visits allowed during your sentence?’

They are allowed if your name is Tiny. lol

Raqi – LOL…seems like yo man loves to do lot’s of STROKING like Clarence Carter.

Raqi V

January 28th, 2011
11:39 am

Besides, if you ask a guy what’s up or what he’s thinking and he says ‘nothing’

It took me a while but I learned how to believe and accept that answer. I follow up with one question “can I get you something?” and I leave it be.

I used to try to get him to open up or try to persuade him but I learned to just leave it alone. When he is ready for my attention he usually knows where to find me. However if his responses to me were of a somewhat callous demeanor, him finding me gone take a minute. LOL but only a little.

Raqi V

January 28th, 2011
11:40 am

AmazonR, no.

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
11:43 am

PrincessNik

January 28th, 2011
11:47 am

Raqi,

Hope you don’t take offense to me asking, but was this pregnancy planned?

SlimNumeroUno

January 28th, 2011
11:47 am

Off topic – Any of you going to see Mike Epps next weekend?

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 28th, 2011
11:49 am

“What role does it play in how you value yourself as a man?”

^This is funny to me.

How can someone else define my value? How can someone else affect how I feel about me?

Seriously – hilarious

abc

January 28th, 2011
11:52 am

What sentence?

Raqi V

January 28th, 2011
11:58 am

I remember once trying to ask that man a question and his response was so frigid. I returned the favor. Later on that evening after he had processed whatever the “nothing” was he was dealing with he wanted to be sociable. Found himself scooting up next to an iceberg bigger than the one that sunk the titanic.

He felt like I was overreacting but I told him if my simple question was so bothersome to him he needs stay bothered. Hot and bothered all by his damn self. LOL

I don’t use intimacy as a bargaining or tool of manipulation however you gone show me a better attitude despite how “in thought” you are if you want to be getting all cozy with me later.

Damn your ego and your needs. You gone show me some respect. Don’t “come on baby” me. Not!

Raqi V

January 28th, 2011
12:00 pm

PrincessNik, it was not exactly prevented. Does that make sense?

Raqi V

January 28th, 2011
12:01 pm

abc, I am on bed rest. I call it a sentencing because I have to stay put except to use the potty and one 5 minute shower per day.

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
12:02 pm

Found himself scooting up next to an iceberg bigger than the one that sunk the titanic.

Leggs

January 28th, 2011
12:02 pm

Enough with all this talk about egos….I’m getting antsy (LOL)!

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
12:03 pm

How can someone else define my value? How can someone else affect how I feel about me?

I guess not every guy is as evolved as you are Dan.

PrincessNik

January 28th, 2011
12:05 pm

Raqi,

Yes that makes plenty of sense.

Celisea

January 28th, 2011
12:05 pm

whatever the “nothing” was he was dealing with he wanted to be sociable. Found himself scooting up next to an iceberg bigger than the one that sunk the titanic

THIS is pretty much my way of handling. I’m not going to pull or prior either but if you act slightly and irritated then I’ll just have to show you later on by giving you back what you handed me….all in love though of course. Sometimes the best way to get a message across is not all the time having an argument but sometimes just showing. It can often paint a clearer picture and show (not being vendictive) in return, this is how you made me feel. Childish? Not at all, as long as it’s done void of an attitude and sometimes the best way to avoid bitter words

Raqi V

January 28th, 2011
12:06 pm

AmazonR, yep. And that ice pick poking me could not penetrate he had shadowed me with that night.

Raqi V

January 28th, 2011
12:06 pm

AmazonR, yep. And that ice pick poking me could not penetrate THE COLDNESS he had shadowed me with that night.

Poppa Grande

January 28th, 2011
12:08 pm

Good Morning, Blogville!

Congratulations, Kimmie!

Any of you going to see Mike Epps next weekend?

I’ve seen him live before, and I was more upset about losing that hour of my life than losing the money. He got mad because no one was laughing at his jokes, but him. That was a while ago, though, hopefully he has gotten better.

As for the topic:

Just learn your mate. We all process stress and life differently. Some people vent about their bad day, and others need time cool off & reflect. Learn your mate and act accordingly.

Mrs. PG is a venter, and I know that. So, I know to either lend that ear. I am a not a venter. For me, Nothing is short for “nothing to concern yourself with at this time.” Plus she knows that I am a doer.

My belief is that one of my jobs as a husband is not to make things harder for her than necessary. It isn’t because I don’t think that she can’t handle it, but in some cases, she has plenty other things to handle. If I can lighten the load a little, I’ve done my job. There are plenty of things that she does to make my life easier and there is no reason that I can’t do the same. Reciprocation

If it is important to share, I will.

I care more about making this marriage work, than either of our egos.

Raqi V

January 28th, 2011
12:08 pm

all in love though of course

Celisea, exactly but I don’t take too well of being p!ssed on and then told it’s just rain.

Raqi V

January 28th, 2011
12:09 pm

Leggs, antsy about what?

Poppa Grande

January 28th, 2011
12:14 pm

Raqi

Your baby dust delivery to my house must have ended up in my next door neighbor’s box. She is pregnant with twins.

Raqi V

January 28th, 2011
12:16 pm

Celisea,

Think you gone shoo me away and then bust off into me later like ain’t nothing happened? That won’t be happening.

However, I am not going to lie, I have managed to be persuaded a time, maybe two (LOL), but for the most part like you said you are going to be getting back what you gave me. With love.

Raqi V

January 28th, 2011
12:19 pm

LOL Poppa. That box was meant for Mrs. Tazzee. Opps.

Celisea

January 28th, 2011
12:20 pm

Raqi – Celisea, exactly but I don’t take too well of being p!ssed on and then told it’s just rain.

Me either and it took some time and experience to understand how sometimes you have to take a different route to get somewhere to let folks know you want and demand respect….without all the time being demanding about it.

Leggs

January 28th, 2011
12:20 pm

@PoppaG – think the mailman deserves a hand shake for that misdelivery!!

@Raqi V – not really antsy about anything. Just stroking the embers of this topic.

Raqi V

January 28th, 2011
12:22 pm

Celisea, ya darn skippy. It ain’t personal, although it is, it’s just demanding respect.

Poppa Grande

January 28th, 2011
12:22 pm

I don’t know if Mrs. Tazzee wanted that delivery or not.

The neighbor’s youngest child is 14 yrs old. She already has a 2 year grandson. Now, she is expecting 2 new babies of her own.

Celisea

January 28th, 2011
12:23 pm

Raqi – Think you gone shoo me away and then bust off into me later like ain’t nothing happened? That won’t be happening.

Exactly….and just because I walked away when you “shooed” don’t mean I’m done.

Poppa Grande

January 28th, 2011
12:24 pm

Leggs

@PoppaG – think the mailman deserves a hand shake for that misdelivery!!

He got more than a handshake for that. He got lunch at Carver’s for the misdirection

Celisea

January 28th, 2011
12:26 pm

I’m not an AI fan and pretty much only endure the auditions but I’m really digging the vibe of the current judges….just a random thought while I eat my yummy salad and turn from classical to soft rock. I can only endure classical for so long

Celisea

January 28th, 2011
12:26 pm

A. I. American Idol

Leggs

January 28th, 2011
12:32 pm

@ PoppaG!

@Celisea ~ I am digging Steve Tyler. He’s very interesting, empathetic and genuine!

SexyCool

January 28th, 2011
12:32 pm

Celisea – Yeah. I check out the beginning of the season. IF they manage to put someone through PAST Hollywood that has some real talent, I may follow along. But…I have been less than impressed the past few seasons.

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
12:37 pm

Your baby dust delivery to my house must have ended up in my next door neighbor’s box. She is pregnant with twins.

PG – That’s some strong stuff. I thought you boomeranged that shipment back to Raqi which is how she got her little seedling right now.

Raqi V

January 28th, 2011
12:37 pm

I watched A.I. Wednesday and too thought the pickings are looking quite slim so far.

Celisea

January 28th, 2011
12:40 pm

Leggs – I’m LOVING Steve Tyler…just never really watched or followed him. I like him.

SexyC – I followed with Kelly and Rueben and the dude with the salt and pepper hair but after then it was pretty much just the auditions and then in and out so this is the first time I’ve really watched. They had quite a few folks with really nice voices.

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
12:40 pm

She already has a 2 year grandson. Now, she is expecting 2 new babies of her own

So clearly those spores struck only those who already had grandkids.

PG – Is she happy? I’d be a lil pissed.

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
12:40 pm

I wish American Idol will die already.

Poppa Grande

January 28th, 2011
12:41 pm

How are you, Leggs?

My over 70 year old classmate is now a former classmate. He graduated with JD in December. He is now studying to take the NY bar exam.

You can go back!

Celisea

January 28th, 2011
12:41 pm

I liked the young asian girl, the country singer the chick that cleaned areanas for a living…a couple of others

Poppa Grande

January 28th, 2011
12:44 pm

ARed

Is she happy? I’d be a lil pissed.

From what I can tell, she appears to be worried more than pissed. She works for the government. The government is making cuts everywhere to make budget. So, she is more worried that this will give them a reason to find a way to cut ties with her.

Raqi V

January 28th, 2011
12:44 pm

I was looking at all of those contestants on A.I. that didn’t make it and stormed off in anger. Why don’t their friends and family save them the embarrassment and tell them don’t try out? There has to be somebody in the family without a hearing problem.

I am no young Whitney Houston but I sound alright. But I am very much aware while spewing a tune when I hit an off key. Some of those folks don’t even hit one on key and they get mad when they are told no.

SexyCool

January 28th, 2011
12:45 pm

When is it ego-stroking versus positive reinforcement?
Patronization versus support?
Insulting versus uplifting?

How do I celebrate what I think is wonderful about you and what keeps me coming back to you without making you think that I’m just blowing smoke up your ass?

Why does it even have to be that deep?

Why can’t it just be what it is?

I like you.
I respect you.
I *get* you.
I want to support you.
I want to be your partner.
I want you to be *able* to find peace, love, joy, renewal, reinforcement, protection, agreement and whatever else you need in me AT THE POINT that you NEED it.
You may not need it from me all the time, but when you do…am I wrong to want to be there for you in whatever way you need to the best of my ability? Just because I’m feeling you like that? Because that’s the kind of partner that I’ve determined that I’m going to be?

What gives?

SexyCool

January 28th, 2011
12:47 pm

I like the black chick raised by older white parents, the little chunky kid and a few others so far.

Poppa Grande

January 28th, 2011
12:47 pm

Raqi

That’s some strong stuff. I thought you boomeranged that shipment back to Raqi which is how she got her little seedling right now.

Yeah, that is some strong stuff.

In an effort of full disclosure, I must admit that I watch Fox News, CNN, and MSNBC for the sole purpose to see if Raqi has been caught and charged as a biological terrorist for mailing that stuff.

Until that day, I go to the mailbox wearing a surgical mask and latex gloves.

Raqi V

January 28th, 2011
12:48 pm

I’d be a lil pissed

AmazonR, why? One thing about making baby number 2, 3 or 4, you know good and well how they come to be. LOL

That’s about like me telling the hub now it’s all his fault when I am more than positive I was there laying under him with my legs wrapped around him when it happened.

SlimNumeroUno

January 28th, 2011
12:49 pm

‘I’ve seen him live before, and I was more upset about losing that hour of my life than losing the money’

PoppaG – Duly noted….um…don’t want to spend $$ to not laugh. I can do that at work for free

Poppa Grande

January 28th, 2011
12:51 pm

Raqi

Why don’t their friends and family save them the embarrassment and tell them don’t try out?

I can answer that for you with two words: William Hung

I haven’t watched American Idol since the Clay Aiken vs. Ruben Studdard final. But even I know who William “She Bangs” Hung is. Some people will do anything for infamy.

Celisea

January 28th, 2011
12:51 pm

Heeeey, where’s my post?! I didn’t say anything bad. As I was saying, I grew up singing and it was nothing for me and sibs to break out harmonizing while doing nothing. I was about 10 when my brother sang Everything Must Change with a flute to accompany. I almost cried. My mama cried.

Raqi V

January 28th, 2011
12:51 pm

How do I celebrate what I think is wonderful about you and what keeps me coming back to you without making you think that I’m just blowing smoke up your ass?

SexyCool, that is an excellent question!!!!!!

Poppa Grande

January 28th, 2011
12:53 pm

Slim…

I just wanted to weigh in. Note that I said that it was a long time ago. It was at Chris Tucker’s old club in the RIo Mall. He may be better. That night he ventured into the taboo land of granny’s having sex, and wondered why no one laughed.

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
12:54 pm

AmazonR, why?

Cuz that’s another 18 year sentence… she only had 4 more years to freedom. Now the clock resets.

But yeah, certainly it’s their own fault. And perhaps they were trying for it!

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
12:56 pm

But additionally Raqi, you know I’m different on the baby thing. The present I plan on giving to myself on my 36th birthday is having my tubes tied (if I’m still single by then with no man in sight)

SexyCool

January 28th, 2011
12:56 pm

And you may deny that you have ego til Je.sus comes or call, but you cannot deny pride.

I don’t care how you color it, disrespect, in any form in which YOU perceive it, is a bruise to the ego in much the same way as it is a blow to the pride.

kimmie

January 28th, 2011
12:57 pm

PG – Thanks!

cba

January 28th, 2011
12:57 pm

SC@12:45, Just DAMN, now that’s what I’m talking about

DreamsMaterialize

January 28th, 2011
12:57 pm

So what is everyone doing this weekend? It’s supposed to be beautiful out there.

Celisea

January 28th, 2011
12:58 pm

Cuz that’s another 18 year sentence… she only had 4 more years to freedom. Now the clock resets.

I ain’t gonna lie…this is how I’d feel if I got preggers right about now, seeing I have a child 2 months shy of turning 16. Can’t say I wouldn’t do again but he’d have to be dang freaking magically wonderful.

Raqi V

January 28th, 2011
12:58 pm

having my tubes tied

Then you will have a reason to be p!ssed. LOL

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 28th, 2011
12:59 pm

@SC

Not at all.

As PG said, and I’ve repeated, it’s about the man.

I’m not one to vent unless I’ve had my limit and no release (gym), more often than not, I’m “processing”.

My girl wants to vent, she doesn’t want to offer suggestions or solve anything, just listen.

We’ve had that discussion, made our decisions. Again, knowing you, I’m sure that you have had that convo as well.

SexyCool

January 28th, 2011
1:00 pm

DreamsMat – I am house hunting (again.)
Changed my mind about the first house I made an offer on – wanted to do more looking.
Got outbid on the second one – suuuu-huuuxxxx.

I have about 5 more I’m trying to see this weekend.

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
1:01 pm

So what is everyone doing this weekend? It’s supposed to be beautiful out there.

The Trumpet Awards are this weekend. But I don’t know if I feel like getting pretty’d up for it. Winter maintence on the body isn’t as frequent as it is in the warmer months. There will be a lot to do.

SexyCool

January 28th, 2011
1:01 pm

Um…yeah…no, I didn’t follow that.

Raqi V

January 28th, 2011
1:01 pm

he’d have to be dang freaking magically wonderful

At least most of the time he is. LOL And I think he has questions about when I feel that he isn’t. Especially while I am pregnant.

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
1:02 pm

Celisea – Glad you feel me.

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 28th, 2011
1:02 pm

@Raqi

Are you pregnant again? If so, Mazeltov!!

SlimNumeroUno

January 28th, 2011
1:02 pm

PG – The RIO MALL!!!???? OMG, I remember that…dayum that was ages ago. lol

Leggs

January 28th, 2011
1:03 pm

@PoppaG ~ it’s funny you gave me that update because your 70 yr old “former” classmate has crossed my mind a few times. And, I’ve been in contact with GSU College of Law. We shall see. My biggest block is $$ and getting lil leggs to college. I am entertaining some things!

Thanks for asking. I’m doing doing great!

Celisea

January 28th, 2011
1:03 pm

Raqi – At least most of the time he is. LOL And I think he has questions about when I feel that he isn’t. Especially while I am pregnant.

Oh, I’m sure for you…that’s just what I’d have to be getting to pop out another…having an almost 16 year old. I mean almost walking on water…that’s a lot of work

Raqi V

January 28th, 2011
1:03 pm

I’m “processing”

We buy that ’bout as much as you men buy us reacting because we are PMSing. You need more people dude. LOL

kimmie

January 28th, 2011
1:04 pm

SCool – Yeah, you shut it down with that 12:45.

Poppa – That’s the truth you posted about learning your mate. It’s just like with my employees. Some need constant reassurance and handholding. Some are okay with a pat on the back every now & then. Others, if they don’t see the “appreciation” in the form of a raise on their paycheck, you can keep the pretty words.

Just gotta learn people. Then, either you can hang or you can’t.

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
1:04 pm

Um…yeah…no, I didn’t follow that.

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 28th, 2011
1:05 pm

@SC

“am I wrong to want to be there for you in whatever way you need to the best of my ability?” @ 12:45

Poppa Grande

January 28th, 2011
1:05 pm

AmazonRed…

And perhaps they were trying for it!

Maybe or maybe not….the neighbor’s husband (he may be an ex-husband now) is a guest of the state of Georgia and has been since 2005.

She did something with somebody, though.

Celisea

January 28th, 2011
1:05 pm

ARed – Celisea – Glad you feel me

All day long on the baby thing. Can’t see myself chasing around a tot…I’m LOVING where I am now. If I can just get her grown and gown it would be even better.

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
1:05 pm

I mean almost walking on water…that’s a lot of work

abc

January 28th, 2011
1:05 pm

How do I celebrate what I think is wonderful about you and what keeps me coming back to you without making you think that I’m just blowing smoke up your ass?

By not blowing smoke up his azz. It’s really not as complicated as yall are making it out to be. Here’s the deal: give up your preconceived notions about what [a, the] man’s ego is all about, and just be your genuine self. If he doesn’t seem very approachable at times, then leave him alone at those times.

Guaranteed, if you don’t seem very approachable, chances are the man will just plain leave you alone, and be happy to do so.

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
1:06 pm

We buy that ’bout as much as you men buy us reacting because we are PMSing. You need more people dude. LOL

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 28th, 2011
1:06 pm

@Raqi

I’m processing the issue, my reactions, and the chain of events based on a given reaction.

It’s a chess match sometimes for me

SlimNumeroUno

January 28th, 2011
1:07 pm

SexyCool (re 12:45) Good arse question/post

Dreams – I think i may venture out to the Battle of the Bands Saturday w/my cuzzo. The beau will be in Bama hunting before the season ends. (Git errrr done!)

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
1:07 pm

Maybe or maybe not….the neighbor’s husband (he may be an ex-husband now) is a guest of the state of Georgia and has been since 2005.

She did something with somebody, though.

Indeed.

Yeah…in her situation…I’d be a little pissed while praising my blessing.

Poppa Grande

January 28th, 2011
1:11 pm

Georgia State College of Law is listed as a best buy according to numerous publication. It is a state school and you will have less debt than just about any other school in the southeast and it has a good rep. As a result, it is really competitive to get in.

Whether you decide to go to law school or not, Lil Leggs will get a full scholarship to the college of her choice. Believe that!! As my grandparents said (as does the Stews) ” the tongue speaks life or death.”. You say that she is a good student and can out run everybody. Someone will offer her a track scholarship. She may even get an academic scholarship.

SexyCool

January 28th, 2011
1:13 pm

abc – I’m not the one making it complicated. I’m just trying to be the best partner that I can be and can only hope you give me the same effort.

I don’t understand why there is such a strong push-back to the word “ego.” Ego/pride/self-esteem/sense of self can all be interchangeable to me.

And if there is no part of you that is ego/pride/self-driven, then it shouldn’t matter if I never give attention to it/you.

But you let me not be on my job and *seem* to take you for granted, but have Jane down on the job be full of compliments and reinforcements about how wonderful you are, before I can blink three times, Jane down at the job will start looking a helluva lot better than me and may eventually end up as my replacement.

And I’m not trying to write a thesis or perform a behavioral study on the male psyche, I’m just trying to stay in my lane, play my position, cook a good meal every now and then, give that fire-fire and just be damn happy with who I’ve chosen to be with, live, laugh and love life to its fullest.

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
1:17 pm

Raqi V

January 28th, 2011
1:17 pm

Celisea, in all seriousness I do have moments where I think to myself “Dang when number graduates from high school number 3 and 4 will not even be enrolled in pre-school. But my feelings on it as a whole are pretty much good.

Us deciding to this did change our plans slightly. We were going to build a house on the lake to early retire in and be the jet setting couple.

Ended up selling that property because now we are moving to VA where I am more and more looking forward to being a “country” mom in a small town. I love the house and the yard is huge. The neighborhood is diverse. The population there is like 35,000. As per the last recorded census less that ¼ of the town is “US”. Richmond is a short drive away and so are the beaches.

I can see me sitting out under the tree reading while the two youngins run amuck all over that big yard.

I am not sure if we will sell this one right off or hang on to it for a while. We also have two rentals that we just have not decided what will be best to do with those.

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
1:22 pm

We were going to build a house on the lake to early retire in and be the jet setting couple.

And being in your 60s is really not to late to do that. I am really glad your husband has had the opportunity to have a couple of biological children in addition to the ones he’s taken as his own. It’s very sweet.

And I’m also very glad the VA house ended up with you guys!

DreamsMaterialize

January 28th, 2011
1:23 pm

DreamsMat – I am house hunting (again.)
SexyC should be a great weekend to be out. good luck on the hunt. what areas are you targeting?

Winter maintence on the body isn’t as frequent as it is in the warmer months.
ARed I feel you. I’m sure you’d look stunning nonetheless.

Raqi V

January 28th, 2011
1:25 pm

But you let me not be on my job and *seem* to take you for granted, but have Jane down on the job be full of compliments and reinforcements about how wonderful you are, before I can blink three times, Jane down at the job will start looking a helluva lot better than me and may eventually end up as my replacement.

Somebody pass that girl a robe and a collar ‘cause she preaching it today.

Let the chuuuch say “Yea,man”. (Amen)

Amazon, Celisea, Slim One ah yall pass me one of those fans over there.

Kym

January 28th, 2011
1:25 pm

Maybe or maybe not….the neighbor’s husband (he may be an ex-husband now) is a guest of the state of Georgia and has been since 2005.

@PoppaG..you know such a interesting variety of people

Leggs

January 28th, 2011
1:26 pm

@PoppaG ~ thank you. She made Honor Roll end of 2010 in all her AP classes. I think so much about law school, and I realize I’m only holding myself back and have been for a long time.

“…is a guest of the state of Georgia and has been since 2005.

She did something with somebody, though.” That was funny!

Kym

January 28th, 2011
1:27 pm

All this preggo..talk is making me itch..and not in a good way.

SexyCool

January 28th, 2011
1:27 pm

Cascade area, SWATS, East Point, College Park – ITP…However, a couple of the places that I’ll be looking at this weekend are a couple of miles OTP, the Camp Creek area.

BlackMagicWoman

January 28th, 2011
1:28 pm

I’m late as all hell, but here goes:

KIMMIE…I co-sign your 8:58 Post 100%!!! I will NOT stroke the ego of a grown a$$ man. If you are need of then that was a problem you had long before meeting me. That is something you need to fix in yourself. Being confident in who and what you are and what you stand for is key! Now I will pay a compliment when one is due. For instance…if you look extraordinarily good that day…I will let you know. You did something nice for me or someone else…I will thank you or give you your dersved kudos. I will not be like a mother doing the celebratory pottie dance when her “big boy” uses the potty!

Sorry…the only stroking done by me is in the bedroom/kitchen, etc. . And I am slecetive about that!

Celisea

January 28th, 2011
1:30 pm

Raqi – For you (not me..lol), I actually think it’ sweet that you’re home and having babies…PAST 40…with the love (I know I can feel) ooozing from the screen I say keep having them if you can.

and for your 1:25, I almost almost almost copied and put out again..so for that…AMEN and a fan coming you’re way.

BlackMagicWoman

January 28th, 2011
1:31 pm

I menat…. *Selective*

Celisea

January 28th, 2011
1:31 pm

SexyC – Smyrna? You’d be closer to Blue Moon

BlackMagicWoman

January 28th, 2011
1:31 pm

Good God…I’ve got Friday on the brain and can’t type. Pardon my typos.

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
1:32 pm

@PoppaG..you know such a interesting variety of people

That’s what I love about living in the city…the diversity.

Kym

January 28th, 2011
1:32 pm

@Raqi..I will be jet-setting for ya..I decided that my graduation gift to the boy will be that trip to London. I wanted to go for my 40th but alas the summer Olympics will be during that time..so I figured I would save up and celebrate the next best thing…kicking him out the house.

Raqi V

January 28th, 2011
1:33 pm

Why thank you AmazonR. And I am more than happy and willing to gift him these little bundles life. He has really been good to me and for me, as well as to and for my boys.

He told me once that being with me is like spending the night with a bottle of fine whiskey except in the morning with me the hangover and aftertaste is much, much sweeter.

He is so corny.

Leggs

January 28th, 2011
1:33 pm

@MNW ~ I guess you also meant “meant”….I’m cracking up!

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
1:33 pm

Ha! Thank you Dreams for that lil ego stroke.

DreamsMaterialize

January 28th, 2011
1:33 pm

The beau will be in Bama hunting before the season ends. (Git errrr done!)
Slim dang can he bring me back venison?

Cascade area, SWATS, East Point, College Park – ITP…However, a couple of the places that I’ll be looking at this weekend are a couple of miles OTP, the Camp Creek area.
SexyC Yeah there’s some nice stuff in those areas. I think South Fulton tops the list for foreclosures in GA. Have you found anything nice in that bunch?

SexyCool

January 28th, 2011
1:33 pm

Also, I would hope that you chose well enough and know your partner well enough to know that their actions are rooted in genuine concern and not some bllsht exercise in smoke blowing.

Leggs

January 28th, 2011
1:33 pm

OMG – I meant “BMW”…laughing at myself now!

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
1:34 pm

He is so corny.

*swoon* I loves me a corny man!

SexyCool

January 28th, 2011
1:38 pm

There is a LOT of inventory in those areas. I have found a few properties that I really like. Where I’m being stymied is in trying to stay in the mid-range of what I’ve been approved for. There is a LOT of competition for the best/move-in ready houses in that price range.

But it’s like I told TheDude – I understand that it is a “buyers; market” and would *love* to get the absolute best deal that there is out there for the money. However, I’m not the only person that wants the absolute best deal…and I may have to accept the fact that I just might not get THAT deal. What I believe is that I am going to get a very good deal and exactly the one that I am supposed to have.

Kym

January 28th, 2011
1:38 pm

@Sexy..you sound like me this time last year. March 31 will be my one year anniversary as a homeowner..Yippie!!!

Poppa Grande

January 28th, 2011
1:39 pm

Leggs

“…is a guest of the state of Georgia and has been since 2005.

I said it the nicest way that I could.

As for law school, I was just talkin’ (as my grandmother would say). However, if you want to go back, you know the time commitment.I tell folks who ask me about law school, I tell them that it is no joke.

Kym

We all know a variety of people. Whether they share their story with us or not.

In our case, the neighbor’s husband was convicted of statutory rape. That is the kind of thing that gets out especially once it becomes public record.

SexyCool

January 28th, 2011
1:40 pm

Celisea – I am trying to stay as close to the airport as possible. I know that the Smyrna commute would not be *that* bad. But…if I can stay inside 285 / south of 20…that would be my preference.

However, if push comes to shove, I will expand my search as necessary to the west side of town.

Poppa Grande

January 28th, 2011
1:41 pm

Kym

also, the further that you get into the legal world, the more “types” of people you encounter. Some good, others make you check your pockets before you leave to make sure that you still have your wallet after encountering them.

Raqi V

January 28th, 2011
1:41 pm

Celisea, thanks but this will be the last one. LOL

Kym, it may take us about a year to get settled in after the move but we still plan to vacation and get our “us” time in. It makes it a lot easier to adjust and do when you have the means to do it. He says this is what he has worked so hard for over the years. To be able to have a family and we live comfortably.

We really don’t know how the move will affect his business but he says he does not plan to dump the entire pot into it just in case we have some setbacks.

Okay that’s enough of me talking about that.

SexyCool, what chapter and verse are you on now?

Raqi V

January 28th, 2011
1:42 pm

Why is that bold?

kimmie

January 28th, 2011
1:42 pm

SCool – Your 1:13 –

Kym

January 28th, 2011
1:43 pm

@PoppaG Yeah I know but you have the best stories….

uh are you not going to throw me some congrats cause the Steelers are headed back to the big show..I know its painful..but it will provide my ego with a nice boost…LOL

DreamsMaterialize

January 28th, 2011
1:43 pm

Ha! Thank you Dreams for that lil ego stroke.
ARed Hey no problem. Of course it’s always easy when it’s the truth. lol

cba

January 28th, 2011
1:44 pm

Speaking of “guest at state of GA. Has anyone followed the story about the SWAT officer that will be a new guest of the state. Very interesting story, he was having an affair with with colleague’s wife. The three of them were on a boat and his colleague just happen to fall into the lake.They were all friends and lived in the same subdivision. I guess you need keep your eyes open to your show-called friends. He was sentenced for four years, one guy is dead and the lady is awaiting trial. Lust can be a life wrecker.

Poppa Grande

January 28th, 2011
1:44 pm

Raqi.

We are considering a move to Maryland. I have a job possibility with the U.S Dept. of Interior. I’ve done one interview. If I get the job, I guess that we are headed to Prince George County, Maryland.

Leggs

January 28th, 2011
1:45 pm

@PoppaG ~ after receiving a good score on LSAT to apply to GSU College of Law, I believe I would have been accepted. But, I had to withdraw my application for family issues and bad circumstances.

A few things I do realize – it it takes a lot of time, blood, sweat and tears!

Kym

January 28th, 2011
1:47 pm

@PoppaG…oh I am getting that experience now..I spend quite a bit of time down at Fulton Co. Court..lots of interesting people to view down there..Now the north annex..well that’s just the Hilton of the Fulton Co court system.

Kym

January 28th, 2011
1:48 pm

@PoppaG..Congrats on the new job!!! You gonna be working for the man!

DreamsMaterialize

January 28th, 2011
1:49 pm

Hey Basking Robbins is having parents night out tomorrow from 6-10pm. The kids will learn how to decorate ice cream cakes and do other activities.

Also, West Side Story is playing. Had to throw that in there since I played Chino in the 5th grade. lol

Raqi V

January 28th, 2011
1:50 pm

SexyCool, are you all checking the foreclosed homes?

My brother and his wife just bought a “brand new” foreclosed home that they got a deal on. The only thing is the distraught former owners took all the light fixtures, socket plates, appliances, granite counters, kitchen sink, two rooms of carpet (you name it) out when the were evicted. The house is only 5 years old so it’s pretty new but they have a lot of work to do. But they say for the price they got it for it’s worth it and they would probably have changed some stuff anyway.

Poppa Grande

January 28th, 2011
1:50 pm

Kym

Oh yeah, your guys beat out my pick for the Superbowl….Baltimore Ravens. So, I offer my congratulations as if you lined up next to Mike Wallace and ran the skinny post. j/k

Hey I was 50% in my pre-season superbowl picks….back in August I picked Green Bay v. Baltimore in the Superbowl. My thinking was the Anquan Boldin would make a difference. He was MIA in that playoff game. The Steelers tried to give the game away in the first half. However, Raven just said that they didn’t want it and gave it back.

Congrats….are you going to Dallas. That stadium is huge. You probably could get in. It hold over 100,000 folks.

Leggs

January 28th, 2011
1:52 pm

@cba ~ I’ve been following that case. People never get that you don’t play in your own backyard. The entire case reeks with shame and disrespect, greed and two morally corrupt souls.

Poppa Grande

January 28th, 2011
1:52 pm

Kym.

I don’t have the job, yet. I just have had an interview.

Leggs

January 28th, 2011
1:53 pm

@DreamsM ~ I can so see you as Chino. WWS is my favorite musical. Considering purchasing a ticket and going to see it. Only thing is that’s a lot of dang singing!

Leggs

January 28th, 2011
1:54 pm

Now, must work on not typing words twice!

Raqi V

January 28th, 2011
1:54 pm

That’s sound PoppaG. Congrats.

I was raised in Marietta and lived in Marietta most of my adult life until moving here to Dunwoody. Both places are very much part of the metro with the big city feel. I am actually looking for to living the city.

I tear up everytime I think about leaving my besties behind but I want out of the city. And they are encouraging me to go. They know I will miss them but I will be happy there. And they say it will give them some where to vacation to once a year. LOL

SexyCool

January 28th, 2011
1:55 pm

Rock – I am actually focusing on foreclosed homes, investor-owned properties and approved short sales, in that order. (The short sales are the least attractive to me.)

I am finding that properties that are listed by private individuals are most often unfortunately overpriced for the market. Why would I buy your house listed at $180K when there is a foreclosure needing little more than carpet and paint three doors down for $73K?

Between all the searching that I have done online on my own, plus what my realtor is sending me, I think I have seen every house on the market on this side of town at least three or four times.

Poppa Grande

January 28th, 2011
1:57 pm

Leggs

I am starting the bar prep, now. I am taking it in July. If I get the gov’t job, it wouldn’t hurt to have a GA law license.

As for Blood, Sweat and tears assessment…as one of the mothers on the Mother Board says.
“Make it plain”

This Bar prep feels like hazing. My wife even stated that “my pimp walk has already lost its pimpness”.

Kym

January 28th, 2011
1:58 pm

@PoppaG.. I missed that game as I was camping on Cumberland Island with the boy. I was able to keep up with the score and pick up a few moments of the game..but was so happy to see we beat the Ravens.

Nope I am not going be able to make the trip to Dallas..I heard Tom Joyner this morning saying the parking lot tickets..(200 bucks) were sold out. I really don’t understand paying 200 bucks just to be in the parking lot of Cowboy Stadium.

Kym

January 28th, 2011
2:01 pm

@PoppaG..I was saying Congrats because did you not just type a few pages back something along the lines of speaking those things as if they are so..soooo Congrats!!! (Lawyers I tell ya)

Poppa Grande

January 28th, 2011
2:01 pm

I’ve got plenty of friends as well as some in-law that live in the DMV (DC/Maryland/Virginia) area. That is how I know Prince George County.

One of my best friends (someone that I’ve know since I was 4 years old) just got hired to teach at Virginia Tech. Another is moving to getting married and moving to LA. I am graduating law school. 2011 is setting up to be a transition year.

Raqi V

January 28th, 2011
2:03 pm

SexyCool, I hate to see people lose their homes but foreclosures are the way to go. The banks have way more of those things sitting on their books than they would have ever imagined.

Yeah there something about the short sales that is unattractive because while the owners are trying to shake the house on a short sale they are also trying to be left with the least amount of still accountable debt. The banks are still making them responsible for the difference so if the can get an extra $10,000 out of you to lessen there load that’s what they will do. Can’t blame them, but the banks are offering better looking deals direct.

Poppa Grande

January 28th, 2011
2:03 pm

Kym…

Yes, I did! You know we lawyers don’t always follow our advice. We also like to blame paralegals when we do follow our advice and it is wrong.. Then again, we blame paralegals for the sky being blue and the sun being hot. As a former paralegal, I know this to be true.

Leggs

January 28th, 2011
2:05 pm

“my pimp walk has already lost its pimpness”. – OH MY!

Raqi V

January 28th, 2011
2:10 pm

I was watching on the news the other day where some neighbors were complaining about houses that had been started to be built but the contractors has abandoned them. Because they were pretty much still in skeleton form the weather has destroyed the wood and now the houses are falling down. The neighborhood they showed seem to be really nice subdivisions but the neighbors are happy because when the walk out their door there’s a half built falling down house across the street from them.

They were saying some of the houses are still salvageable but some have pretty much caved with no hope of finishing.

SexyCool

January 28th, 2011
2:12 pm

Well, Rock…that is the other thing. By the time the bank has actually listed a foreclosure, the folks who lived in the house previously are long gone…and it makes it a *little* less personal.

One thing that I have been quite amazed about are the chop jobs some folks and investors are doing on houses in the name of upgrade/renovation.

Last week, I went into a house that was listed as a 3/2. At first, I could only find a bathroom and a half. Turns out, the so-called “Master Suite with a full bathroom” actually had a half bathroom then a closet. Once I actually closed the door to the *master suite*, I found the shower stall that had been put in obviously what used to be the other side of the closet. So, when you took a shower, you didn’t step out into the bathroom, onto tile, you step out into the bedroom, onto carpet.

smdh…

Poppa Grande

January 28th, 2011
2:14 pm

Leggs

“my pimp walk has already lost its pimpness”. – OH MY!

I am afraid that it is probably true. One of my professors/mentors pulled me aside last night at school and asked me if I was ok because I looked tired. I told her that I am doing some self-paced bar prep on my own…she said…”ok” and just smiled.

I am already looking forward to August and a trip to Negril Jamaica. I work out extra hard to at least get a four pack by then. six pack may be too ambitious…
I am hoping that the gym thins out some more soon.

SexyCool

January 28th, 2011
2:17 pm

And let me not talk about the houses whose renovations have outpriced them for the neighborhood.

Looked at a house yesterday, beautifully done on the inside, the house next door, falling down, separated only by a driveway.

Saw a really well done house last week. It would have totally fit how I want to use my living space. The neighbors to the right were obviously some kind of contractor. They had all kinds of construction leftover material stacked up behind their house. The house to the left had old motorcycles and a brokedown boat.

Raqi V

January 28th, 2011
2:21 pm

LOL SexyCool. You may be better off buying an older model and then doing whatever renovations you want down the line. And anyway some older houses tend to have larger rooms and wider halls.

The four things I was praying for before I ever set eye on the VA houses were real hardwood floors, a large master bedroom, a BIG kitchen and separate laundry room. All else I can work around. LOL It’s nice and it has the potential to be nicer.

I hope you find what you are looking for. Something you can put a lot of “Sexy – Cool” in to make it a place to be called home.

Leggs

January 28th, 2011
2:22 pm

@PoppaG ~ attending law school and studying for the bar would have Moses looking more tired than usual.

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
2:23 pm

March 31 will be my one year anniversary as a homeowner..Yippie!!!

Kym – Congrats in advance to you.

I can’t believe it’s almost 4 years to me. And *knock on wood* it’s been pretty easy being a homeowner. Nothing big has broken yet.

I’m really happy that I still have all my same neighbors too. At least, my immediate ones.

One more year til one of the grants I took to buy this house is forgiven. Free money is always a good thing!

SexyCool

January 28th, 2011
2:25 pm

Agreed. I have some free money. And there is a shtload of free money out there *especially* if you are buying in the City of Atlanta city limits. They allow you to use more than one grant at a time.

Raqi V

January 28th, 2011
2:27 pm

LMBO SexyCool. You may want to go with something that has a HOA. I think for the most part HOA are a crock of crap but I will say the one we have does not tolerate broken down anything anywhere in the yards.

The houses don’t overprice each other because you have to get the neighborhood’s permission to do certain things.

Looking at it from a standpoint of paying for a house but then having to get permission to do certain things does have a negative feel, but in the picture beautiful picture its worth.

A seller never has to worry about losing $15,000 to sell his house because the one across the street is a dump. LOL

And why do people build $50,000 bedroom/bathroom additions onto $51,000 houses. You will never get that money back in resale.

Kym

January 28th, 2011
2:27 pm

@AmazonR..thank you..it has been an adjustment..but I wouldn’t trade anything for the journey.

Poppa Grande

January 28th, 2011
2:30 pm

SexyCool

The City of Atlanta also has a landbank Authority too.

http://www.fccalandbank.org/

SexyCool

January 28th, 2011
2:30 pm

I’m hoping to land in an older, established neighborhood of well kept houses and reasonable neighbors.

(Aren’t we all?)

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
2:32 pm

I was watching on the news the other day where some neighbors were complaining about houses that had been started to be built but the contractors has abandoned them.

My builder went out of business a few years ago. Fortunately, the company built in phases and we were just ending the completion of phase two. I think there were a couple houses unfinished, but all that was left to do was the interior. The bank finished up one and a buyer finished up another so it doesn’t look too crazy. The unfinished phase is just a deserted lot in the back of the subdivision.

There is another one in walking distance that didn’t get so lucky. Beautiful homes that face condemned buildings. They’ve had a lot of squatters taking over the abandoned ones…

Raqi V

January 28th, 2011
2:33 pm

Nothing big has broken yet

AmazonR, one of the ladies at our church was talking about her house once and she said they have been there 10 years and nothing has stopped working yet but her sorry %$#)@*# husband. LOL

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
2:34 pm

And there is a shtload of free money out there *especially* if you are buying in the City of Atlanta city limits

I’m trying to tell folks…

Leggs

January 28th, 2011
2:35 pm

There are many good things about a HOA, but the negative outweigh the positive for me.

SexyCool

January 28th, 2011
2:36 pm

Agreed, Leggs. Avoiding the HOA Naz.is at all costs.

Raqi V

January 28th, 2011
2:36 pm

Does anyone qualify for those grants or is it just first time homebuyers? I would love to help the couple renting one of our houses buy it. They owned before so I don’t know if they would qualify.

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
2:37 pm

one of the ladies at our church was talking about her house once and she said they have been there 10 years and nothing has stopped working yet but her sorry %$#)@*# husband. LOL

My air conditioner did go out in June two years ago. But I got lucky that it was a small part that needed to be replaced. I spent more money on changing the locks when I moved in. I am about to put a home warranty on the place tho…it’s been too hot and too cold without an eventual HVAC mishap!

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
2:39 pm

Does anyone qualify for those grants or is it just first time homebuyers?

Raqi – While most of them are for first timers, you are considered one if you haven’t owned in 3 years.

Also, one grant I got is opened to anyone, as long as you don’t own anything at the time. So as long as current owners sell their existing home (good luck lol) they will qualify too.

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
2:41 pm

There are many good things about a HOA, but the negative outweigh the positive for me.

Yeah, dealing with my HOA has not been fun. And we are on our 3rd or 4th property management company.

But I am good with having them, because some of my neighbors would use the “I’m broke” excuse to let their home look like ish! So it’s nice having someone enforce the rules around here. I’m already in the SWATS, the neighborhood can go “ghetto” in a heartbeat.

PrincessNik

January 28th, 2011
2:42 pm

ARed

Same thing happened to me, luckily I work with HVAC guys, painters and plumbers, and welders, electricians and general handymen…………………..

SexyCool

January 28th, 2011
2:42 pm

Check out the Atlanta Development Authority and Georgia Dream for the programs that I am using.

Raqi V

January 28th, 2011
2:46 pm

Thanks.

SexyCool

January 28th, 2011
2:47 pm

ARed – this is true. Which is one of my motivations for looking for an older, well-kept neighborhood. Those folks *get* it when it comes to home ownership. Some in the newer subdivisions are still learning…and of course, factoring in economic conditions such as possibly having overpriced homes with mortgages that are so high that you cannot manage maintenance and repairs…oft-times, it is ghetto waiting to happen.

Speaking of *ghetto*, I was in a subdivision yesterday where the builder had clear cut all the trees and put the house less than half the width of my office apart. I told my realtor that it just looked like an upgrade on the Carver Homes projects.

DreamsMaterialize

January 28th, 2011
2:49 pm

SexyC Have you looked over in 30318, off bankhead?

Leggs

January 28th, 2011
2:50 pm

I feel ya ARed. A friend of mine has an HOA. She was fined for not having equal spacing between her bricks in her flower garden…what kind of crap is that! Another time she was fined for not having authorized stones around a tree in her front yard. Regulations like that will have me wanting to put a banana in your tailpipe!!!

SexyCool

January 28th, 2011
2:52 pm

I do have a couple of properties bookmarked in 30318. But haven’t ventured north of I20 yet to actually look.

Raqi V

January 28th, 2011
2:54 pm

The problem when you move into a neighborhood with mostly elderly residents is when the old start dying out or moving away to assisted living and the younger and wilder start moving in.

I would say a neighborhood with middle aged settled folks would be ideal for someone looking for “well kept”.

SexyCool

January 28th, 2011
2:55 pm

True, Rock. So, if I see too many well chair ramps built onto the front of house, I’m likely to keep moving.

Celisea

January 28th, 2011
2:56 pm

Alright…in between conference calls…what’s the topic now? Got another in 4 minutes…

Raqi V

January 28th, 2011
2:57 pm

LOL Leggs. That stuff is over the top but the HOA also regulates yard maintenance and neighborhood disturbances. Eliminates sleepless nights due to block parties or loud neighbors.

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
2:58 pm

Which is one of my motivations for looking for an older, well-kept neighborhood. Those folks *get* it when it comes to home ownership.

Then I’d stick with 30311 closest to Cascade Road if I could. Camp Creek is still very new. 30331 has good structure, but will put you outside OTP.

Princeton Lakes is a good newer subdivison in Camp Creek that is actually part of the City of Atlanta. I didn’t know that til election time and a lot of them were voting for Reed. No fair.

SlimNumeroUno

January 28th, 2011
3:03 pm

Ared – Gulp…Princeton Lakes…cough cough…yeah I know it well. (slim now looking like Smokey in the chicken coop paranoid somebody has been watching/following her)

SexyCool

January 28th, 2011
3:03 pm

I’m focusing in 30331 (Cause that’s the zip code that I’m in now. It is actually on both sides of the perimeter, but not too far outside), 30311, 30344, 30337.

Back up – 30314, 30318, 30349.

Will consider others as necessary.

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
3:04 pm

Slim – That’s cuz everybody lives there. You’re good.

Leggs

January 28th, 2011
3:04 pm

I have been given the honor by all but one of my neighbors that I’m the best neighbor they’ve ever lived next too…{{sniff, sniff}}.

SexyCool

January 28th, 2011
3:04 pm

Oh..and the homes that are listed in Princeton Lakes are priced higher than I am willing to go.

DreamsMaterialize

January 28th, 2011
3:05 pm

I do have a couple of properties bookmarked in 30318. But haven’t ventured north of I20 yet to actually look.
Sexyc There are actually some beautiful neighborhoods over there, quiet as kept. They were historically home to Atlanta’s black professionals when they couldn’t live anywhere else, so the residents do tend to be older.

Raqi V

January 28th, 2011
3:08 pm

SexyCool, my brother-in-law lives in 30248 (I think). That’s outside the Perimeter down near Tangers Outlet but very nice neighborhood and not too far from the Airport.

Down there I think they said houses are going for 25-30% less than if you bought that same out in the metro area.

I know you aren’t trying to move there but I thought I would just mention it since you want to stay near the airport. LOL

Kym

January 28th, 2011
3:08 pm

@Sexy..I know it gets a bad rap..but there are some nice neighborhoods in Ellenwood on the Clayton County side. That wouldn’t be too bad of a commute.

Kym

January 28th, 2011
3:09 pm

@Raqi..your brother-in law lives in my neck of the woods..that’s my area well he is in Locust Grove. I am in McDonough.

Celisea

January 28th, 2011
3:10 pm

Lawd…some of these calls are grueling

SexyCool

January 28th, 2011
3:10 pm

TheDude works off Paces Ferry.

SlimNumeroUno

January 28th, 2011
3:15 pm

‘That’s cuz everybody lives there. You’re good’

Ared – Whew…ok, I feel better now. I probably walk right past some of yall at Publix all the time. lol

Leggs

January 28th, 2011
3:19 pm

@Celisea ~ is your email still b…..9.@…..com? (LOL)

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
3:20 pm

Oh..and the homes that are listed in Princeton Lakes are priced higher than I am willing to go.

Oh.

I’d low ball em. Anyone selling in this market has got to be desperate. LOL

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
3:22 pm

Ared – Whew…ok, I feel better now. I probably walk right past some of yall at Publix all the time. lol

Girl you know it. Club Publix is the spot.

Celisea

January 28th, 2011
3:24 pm

Leggs – Yes ma’am

Celisea

January 28th, 2011
3:25 pm

Did someone say Publix…Love that place. I’m in there several days a week..I try but I still end up going more often than planned

DreamsMaterialize

January 28th, 2011
3:33 pm

I’m in there several days a week..
Celisea Got a Brazilian curry recipe from there not too long ago. It was really good.

SlimNumeroUno

January 28th, 2011
3:36 pm

‘Club Publix is the spot’

Ared – Yeah I know right…I can’t look all broke down as I can when I’m out in my neck of the woods in Conyers. But we do have a Club Quick Trip out my way.

‘Did someone say Publix…Love that place. I’m in there several days a week..I try but I still end up going more often than planned’

Celisea – Well i’m sure you’ve probably seen the beau in there because if I wasn’t crazy, I’d think he had an obsession with going in there.

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
3:37 pm

Where the f@$k is my last W-2? Just because you have til Jan 31 doesnt mean you should take that daggone long. I have usually already filed by now. Guess it’s a good think I didn’t since GA was snatching folks money back.

PrincessNik

January 28th, 2011
3:39 pm

Where the f@$k is my last W-2? Just because you have til Jan 31 doesnt mean you should take that daggone long

We just got ours yesterday

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
3:41 pm

I can’t look all broke down as I can when I’m out in my neck of the woods in Conyers

Real talk, I know a couple of lame brains who don’t even live in the area who shop at that Publix. I guess it’s that serious.

Conyers to Camp Creek huh? That’s a nice lil trek.

SlimNumeroUno

January 28th, 2011
3:43 pm

‘Conyers to Camp Creek huh? That’s a nice lil trek’

Ared – Yeah it is a stretch, about 40 minutes. But it works out for me because he is closer to my job, so often times I end up just staying at his spot and go to work from there.

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
3:45 pm

I would imagine most anything would be closer to civilization then Conyers.

Raqi V

January 28th, 2011
3:45 pm

Kym, I like to take the ride to the in-laws just so I can stop by the outlets. LOL

Raqi V

January 28th, 2011
3:47 pm

Oh. Scratch that then.

SlimNumeroUno

January 28th, 2011
3:49 pm

Ared – you are EXACTLY right…I like it out there and everything but it is TOO dayum far. My sis is going to move up here this year, so we’ll get a spot together, closer to the rest of the world.

Raqi V

January 28th, 2011
3:50 pm

AmazonR, I forget I am supposed to get a W2 this year. I did work the first 3 months of the year. I need to give them a call.

SlimNumeroUno

January 28th, 2011
3:52 pm

Peace out peeps….gotta go get my herrr did.

Raqi V

January 28th, 2011
3:52 pm

I just read your comment about the houses being close together in a place you looked. That’s what I love about our future neighborhood the houses are like two house lengths apart.

Most of the older neighborhoods OTP are like that also. These newer houses have the minimum separation space at best.

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
3:58 pm

I didn’t even know where Conyers was til I googled it a few mins ago.

SexyCool

January 28th, 2011
4:06 pm

The other things that newer subdivision have, and that HOA’s seem to promote, is lack of character in the neighborhood. Most everything is quite cookie cutter.

I tell ya’…pros and cons…pros and cons…

SexyCool

January 28th, 2011
4:09 pm

Headed out…Y’all take it light.

Celisea

January 28th, 2011
4:10 pm

Dreams – Got a Brazilian curry recipe from there not too long ago. It was really good

I bet. I love the Apron meals. My kid will almost embarrasingly wait for the cook to finish. Some really good menus…

Slim – Celisea – Well i’m sure you’ve probably seen the beau in there because if I wasn’t crazy, I’d think he had an obsession with going in there.

We’ve probably crossed aisles…lol I try but no matter how much I get it seems like there’s always something I forgot or something I want to make that wasn’t included in the grocery run.

Celisea

January 28th, 2011
4:14 pm

I know this is crazy but on the drive to Reynolds Plantation being what 92 miles from my home, it was absolutely beautiful and I would love love love to live in that kind of community. All nice and quaint, old fashion stores (some new ones) clean subways, small publix, cute sandwich shops…ahhhh

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