Dating men and their complex egos
One of our great male readers mentioned the male ego (Thanks For Real!) and it reminded me why I love this blog. Part of my fascination with blogging on Misadventures in Atlanta is learning more about men. I am still on that quest to understand the male psyche, behavioral patterns, and the male ego!
Here’s what I know about male egos: it’s powerful, important to understand for a peaceful relationship, and it’s not solely based in sex. Here’s what I don’t know about male egos: how do I manage (stroke?) it and co-exist with it (happily) – especially with my own, equally complex, female ego. I don’t know if it’s a huge problem for me in dating but in relationships I think it can be.
What do you understand about the male ego? Ladies, what did you learn about them from the men in your lives? Are you ever confused by a man’s ego?
Guys, what is the best advice you can give women to handle your egos? Do you think women try to manipulate or control your egos?
What role does it play in how you value yourself as a man? What is the biggest misconception about male egos?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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325 comments Add your comment
Poppa Grande
January 28th, 2011
1:57 pm
Leggs
I am starting the bar prep, now. I am taking it in July. If I get the gov’t job, it wouldn’t hurt to have a GA law license.
As for Blood, Sweat and tears assessment…as one of the mothers on the Mother Board says.
“Make it plain”
This Bar prep feels like hazing. My wife even stated that “my pimp walk has already lost its pimpness”.
Kym
January 28th, 2011
1:58 pm
@PoppaG.. I missed that game as I was camping on Cumberland Island with the boy. I was able to keep up with the score and pick up a few moments of the game..but was so happy to see we beat the Ravens.
Nope I am not going be able to make the trip to Dallas..I heard Tom Joyner this morning saying the parking lot tickets..(200 bucks) were sold out. I really don’t understand paying 200 bucks just to be in the parking lot of Cowboy Stadium.
Kym
January 28th, 2011
2:01 pm
@PoppaG..I was saying Congrats because did you not just type a few pages back something along the lines of speaking those things as if they are so..soooo Congrats!!! (Lawyers I tell ya)
Poppa Grande
January 28th, 2011
2:01 pm
I’ve got plenty of friends as well as some in-law that live in the DMV (DC/Maryland/Virginia) area. That is how I know Prince George County.
One of my best friends (someone that I’ve know since I was 4 years old) just got hired to teach at Virginia Tech. Another is moving to getting married and moving to LA. I am graduating law school. 2011 is setting up to be a transition year.
Raqi V
January 28th, 2011
2:03 pm
SexyCool, I hate to see people lose their homes but foreclosures are the way to go. The banks have way more of those things sitting on their books than they would have ever imagined.
Yeah there something about the short sales that is unattractive because while the owners are trying to shake the house on a short sale they are also trying to be left with the least amount of still accountable debt. The banks are still making them responsible for the difference so if the can get an extra $10,000 out of you to lessen there load that’s what they will do. Can’t blame them, but the banks are offering better looking deals direct.
Poppa Grande
January 28th, 2011
2:03 pm
Kym…
Yes, I did! You know we lawyers don’t always follow our advice. We also like to blame paralegals when we do follow our advice and it is wrong..
Then again, we blame paralegals for the sky being blue and the sun being hot. As a former paralegal, I know this to be true.
Leggs
January 28th, 2011
2:05 pm
“my pimp walk has already lost its pimpness”. – OH MY!
Raqi V
January 28th, 2011
2:10 pm
I was watching on the news the other day where some neighbors were complaining about houses that had been started to be built but the contractors has abandoned them. Because they were pretty much still in skeleton form the weather has destroyed the wood and now the houses are falling down. The neighborhood they showed seem to be really nice subdivisions but the neighbors are happy because when the walk out their door there’s a half built falling down house across the street from them.
They were saying some of the houses are still salvageable but some have pretty much caved with no hope of finishing.
SexyCool
January 28th, 2011
2:12 pm
Well, Rock…that is the other thing. By the time the bank has actually listed a foreclosure, the folks who lived in the house previously are long gone…and it makes it a *little* less personal.
One thing that I have been quite amazed about are the chop jobs some folks and investors are doing on houses in the name of upgrade/renovation.
Last week, I went into a house that was listed as a 3/2. At first, I could only find a bathroom and a half. Turns out, the so-called “Master Suite with a full bathroom” actually had a half bathroom then a closet. Once I actually closed the door to the *master suite*, I found the shower stall that had been put in obviously what used to be the other side of the closet. So, when you took a shower, you didn’t step out into the bathroom, onto tile, you step out into the bedroom, onto carpet.
smdh…
Poppa Grande
January 28th, 2011
2:14 pm
Leggs
“my pimp walk has already lost its pimpness”. – OH MY!
I am afraid that it is probably true. One of my professors/mentors pulled me aside last night at school and asked me if I was ok because I looked tired. I told her that I am doing some self-paced bar prep on my own…she said…”ok” and just smiled.
I am already looking forward to August and a trip to Negril Jamaica. I work out extra hard to at least get a four pack by then. six pack may be too ambitious…
I am hoping that the gym thins out some more soon.
SexyCool
January 28th, 2011
2:17 pm
And let me not talk about the houses whose renovations have outpriced them for the neighborhood.
Looked at a house yesterday, beautifully done on the inside, the house next door, falling down, separated only by a driveway.
Saw a really well done house last week. It would have totally fit how I want to use my living space. The neighbors to the right were obviously some kind of contractor. They had all kinds of construction leftover material stacked up behind their house. The house to the left had old motorcycles and a brokedown boat.
Raqi V
January 28th, 2011
2:21 pm
LOL SexyCool. You may be better off buying an older model and then doing whatever renovations you want down the line. And anyway some older houses tend to have larger rooms and wider halls.
The four things I was praying for before I ever set eye on the VA houses were real hardwood floors, a large master bedroom, a BIG kitchen and separate laundry room. All else I can work around. LOL It’s nice and it has the potential to be nicer.
I hope you find what you are looking for. Something you can put a lot of “Sexy – Cool” in to make it a place to be called home.
Leggs
January 28th, 2011
2:22 pm
@PoppaG ~ attending law school and studying for the bar would have Moses looking more tired than usual.
AmazonRed™
January 28th, 2011
2:23 pm
March 31 will be my one year anniversary as a homeowner..Yippie!!!
Kym – Congrats in advance to you.
I can’t believe it’s almost 4 years to me. And *knock on wood* it’s been pretty easy being a homeowner. Nothing big has broken yet.
I’m really happy that I still have all my same neighbors too. At least, my immediate ones.
One more year til one of the grants I took to buy this house is forgiven. Free money is always a good thing!
SexyCool
January 28th, 2011
2:25 pm
Agreed. I have some free money. And there is a shtload of free money out there *especially* if you are buying in the City of Atlanta city limits. They allow you to use more than one grant at a time.
Raqi V
January 28th, 2011
2:27 pm
LMBO SexyCool. You may want to go with something that has a HOA. I think for the most part HOA are a crock of crap but I will say the one we have does not tolerate broken down anything anywhere in the yards.
The houses don’t overprice each other because you have to get the neighborhood’s permission to do certain things.
Looking at it from a standpoint of paying for a house but then having to get permission to do certain things does have a negative feel, but in the picture beautiful picture its worth.
A seller never has to worry about losing $15,000 to sell his house because the one across the street is a dump. LOL
And why do people build $50,000 bedroom/bathroom additions onto $51,000 houses. You will never get that money back in resale.
Kym
January 28th, 2011
2:27 pm
@AmazonR..thank you..it has been an adjustment..but I wouldn’t trade anything for the journey.
Poppa Grande
January 28th, 2011
2:30 pm
SexyCool
The City of Atlanta also has a landbank Authority too.
http://www.fccalandbank.org/
SexyCool
January 28th, 2011
2:30 pm
I’m hoping to land in an older, established neighborhood of well kept houses and reasonable neighbors.
(Aren’t we all?)
AmazonRed™
January 28th, 2011
2:32 pm
I was watching on the news the other day where some neighbors were complaining about houses that had been started to be built but the contractors has abandoned them.
My builder went out of business a few years ago. Fortunately, the company built in phases and we were just ending the completion of phase two. I think there were a couple houses unfinished, but all that was left to do was the interior. The bank finished up one and a buyer finished up another so it doesn’t look too crazy. The unfinished phase is just a deserted lot in the back of the subdivision.
There is another one in walking distance that didn’t get so lucky. Beautiful homes that face condemned buildings. They’ve had a lot of squatters taking over the abandoned ones…
Raqi V
January 28th, 2011
2:33 pm
Nothing big has broken yet
AmazonR, one of the ladies at our church was talking about her house once and she said they have been there 10 years and nothing has stopped working yet but her sorry %$#)@*# husband. LOL
AmazonRed™
January 28th, 2011
2:34 pm
And there is a shtload of free money out there *especially* if you are buying in the City of Atlanta city limits
Leggs
January 28th, 2011
2:35 pm
There are many good things about a HOA, but the negative outweigh the positive for me.
SexyCool
January 28th, 2011
2:36 pm
Agreed, Leggs. Avoiding the HOA Naz.is at all costs.
Raqi V
January 28th, 2011
2:36 pm
Does anyone qualify for those grants or is it just first time homebuyers? I would love to help the couple renting one of our houses buy it. They owned before so I don’t know if they would qualify.
AmazonRed™
January 28th, 2011
2:37 pm
one of the ladies at our church was talking about her house once and she said they have been there 10 years and nothing has stopped working yet but her sorry %$#)@*# husband. LOL
My air conditioner did go out in June two years ago. But I got lucky that it was a small part that needed to be replaced. I spent more money on changing the locks when I moved in.
I am about to put a home warranty on the place tho…it’s been too hot and too cold without an eventual HVAC mishap!
AmazonRed™
January 28th, 2011
2:39 pm
Does anyone qualify for those grants or is it just first time homebuyers?
Raqi – While most of them are for first timers, you are considered one if you haven’t owned in 3 years.
Also, one grant I got is opened to anyone, as long as you don’t own anything at the time. So as long as current owners sell their existing home (good luck lol) they will qualify too.
AmazonRed™
January 28th, 2011
2:41 pm
There are many good things about a HOA, but the negative outweigh the positive for me.
Yeah, dealing with my HOA has not been fun. And we are on our 3rd or 4th property management company.
But I am good with having them, because some of my neighbors would use the “I’m broke” excuse to let their home look like ish! So it’s nice having someone enforce the rules around here. I’m already in the SWATS, the neighborhood can go “ghetto” in a heartbeat.
PrincessNik
January 28th, 2011
2:42 pm
ARed
Same thing happened to me, luckily I work with HVAC guys, painters and plumbers, and welders, electricians and general handymen…………………..
SexyCool
January 28th, 2011
2:42 pm
Check out the Atlanta Development Authority and Georgia Dream for the programs that I am using.
Raqi V
January 28th, 2011
2:46 pm
Thanks.
SexyCool
January 28th, 2011
2:47 pm
ARed – this is true. Which is one of my motivations for looking for an older, well-kept neighborhood. Those folks *get* it when it comes to home ownership. Some in the newer subdivisions are still learning…and of course, factoring in economic conditions such as possibly having overpriced homes with mortgages that are so high that you cannot manage maintenance and repairs…oft-times, it is ghetto waiting to happen.
Speaking of *ghetto*, I was in a subdivision yesterday where the builder had clear cut all the trees and put the house less than half the width of my office apart. I told my realtor that it just looked like an upgrade on the Carver Homes projects.
DreamsMaterialize
January 28th, 2011
2:49 pm
SexyC Have you looked over in 30318, off bankhead?
Leggs
January 28th, 2011
2:50 pm
I feel ya ARed. A friend of mine has an HOA. She was fined for not having equal spacing between her bricks in her flower garden…what kind of crap is that! Another time she was fined for not having authorized stones around a tree in her front yard. Regulations like that will have me wanting to put a banana in your tailpipe!!!
SexyCool
January 28th, 2011
2:52 pm
I do have a couple of properties bookmarked in 30318. But haven’t ventured north of I20 yet to actually look.
Raqi V
January 28th, 2011
2:54 pm
The problem when you move into a neighborhood with mostly elderly residents is when the old start dying out or moving away to assisted living and the younger and wilder start moving in.
I would say a neighborhood with middle aged settled folks would be ideal for someone looking for “well kept”.
SexyCool
January 28th, 2011
2:55 pm
True, Rock. So, if I see too many well chair ramps built onto the front of house, I’m likely to keep moving.
Celisea
January 28th, 2011
2:56 pm
Alright…in between conference calls…what’s the topic now? Got another in 4 minutes…
Raqi V
January 28th, 2011
2:57 pm
LOL Leggs. That stuff is over the top but the HOA also regulates yard maintenance and neighborhood disturbances. Eliminates sleepless nights due to block parties or loud neighbors.
AmazonRed™
January 28th, 2011
2:58 pm
Which is one of my motivations for looking for an older, well-kept neighborhood. Those folks *get* it when it comes to home ownership.
Then I’d stick with 30311 closest to Cascade Road if I could. Camp Creek is still very new. 30331 has good structure, but will put you outside OTP.
Princeton Lakes is a good newer subdivison in Camp Creek that is actually part of the City of Atlanta. I didn’t know that til election time and a lot of them were voting for Reed. No fair.
SlimNumeroUno
January 28th, 2011
3:03 pm
Ared – Gulp…Princeton Lakes…cough cough…yeah I know it well. (slim now looking like Smokey in the chicken coop paranoid somebody has been watching/following her)
SexyCool
January 28th, 2011
3:03 pm
I’m focusing in 30331 (Cause that’s the zip code that I’m in now. It is actually on both sides of the perimeter, but not too far outside), 30311, 30344, 30337.
Back up – 30314, 30318, 30349.
Will consider others as necessary.
AmazonRed™
January 28th, 2011
3:04 pm
Slim – That’s cuz everybody lives there. You’re good.
Leggs
January 28th, 2011
3:04 pm
I have been given the honor by all but one of my neighbors that I’m the best neighbor they’ve ever lived next too…{{sniff, sniff}}.
SexyCool
January 28th, 2011
3:04 pm
Oh..and the homes that are listed in Princeton Lakes are priced higher than I am willing to go.
DreamsMaterialize
January 28th, 2011
3:05 pm
I do have a couple of properties bookmarked in 30318. But haven’t ventured north of I20 yet to actually look.
Sexyc There are actually some beautiful neighborhoods over there, quiet as kept. They were historically home to Atlanta’s black professionals when they couldn’t live anywhere else, so the residents do tend to be older.
Raqi V
January 28th, 2011
3:08 pm
SexyCool, my brother-in-law lives in 30248 (I think). That’s outside the Perimeter down near Tangers Outlet but very nice neighborhood and not too far from the Airport.
Down there I think they said houses are going for 25-30% less than if you bought that same out in the metro area.
I know you aren’t trying to move there but I thought I would just mention it since you want to stay near the airport. LOL
Kym
January 28th, 2011
3:08 pm
@Sexy..I know it gets a bad rap..but there are some nice neighborhoods in Ellenwood on the Clayton County side. That wouldn’t be too bad of a commute.
Kym
January 28th, 2011
3:09 pm
@Raqi..your brother-in law lives in my neck of the woods..that’s my area well he is in Locust Grove. I am in McDonough.
Celisea
January 28th, 2011
3:10 pm
Lawd…some of these calls are grueling