Dating men and their complex egos
One of our great male readers mentioned the male ego (Thanks For Real!) and it reminded me why I love this blog. Part of my fascination with blogging on Misadventures in Atlanta is learning more about men. I am still on that quest to understand the male psyche, behavioral patterns, and the male ego!
Here’s what I know about male egos: it’s powerful, important to understand for a peaceful relationship, and it’s not solely based in sex. Here’s what I don’t know about male egos: how do I manage (stroke?) it and co-exist with it (happily) – especially with my own, equally complex, female ego. I don’t know if it’s a huge problem for me in dating but in relationships I think it can be.
What do you understand about the male ego? Ladies, what did you learn about them from the men in your lives? Are you ever confused by a man’s ego?
Guys, what is the best advice you can give women to handle your egos? Do you think women try to manipulate or control your egos?
What role does it play in how you value yourself as a man? What is the biggest misconception about male egos?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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325 comments Add your comment
AmazonRed™
January 28th, 2011
1:07 pm
Maybe or maybe not….the neighbor’s husband (he may be an ex-husband now) is a guest of the state of Georgia and has been since 2005.
She did something with somebody, though.
Yeah…in her situation…I’d be a little pissed while praising my blessing.
Poppa Grande
January 28th, 2011
1:11 pm
Georgia State College of Law is listed as a best buy according to numerous publication. It is a state school and you will have less debt than just about any other school in the southeast and it has a good rep. As a result, it is really competitive to get in.
Whether you decide to go to law school or not, Lil Leggs will get a full scholarship to the college of her choice. Believe that!! As my grandparents said (as does the Stews) ” the tongue speaks life or death.”. You say that she is a good student and can out run everybody. Someone will offer her a track scholarship. She may even get an academic scholarship.
SexyCool
January 28th, 2011
1:13 pm
abc – I’m not the one making it complicated. I’m just trying to be the best partner that I can be and can only hope you give me the same effort.
I don’t understand why there is such a strong push-back to the word “ego.” Ego/pride/self-esteem/sense of self can all be interchangeable to me.
And if there is no part of you that is ego/pride/self-driven, then it shouldn’t matter if I never give attention to it/you.
But you let me not be on my job and *seem* to take you for granted, but have Jane down on the job be full of compliments and reinforcements about how wonderful you are, before I can blink three times, Jane down at the job will start looking a helluva lot better than me and may eventually end up as my replacement.
And I’m not trying to write a thesis or perform a behavioral study on the male psyche, I’m just trying to stay in my lane, play my position, cook a good meal every now and then, give that fire-fire and just be damn happy with who I’ve chosen to be with, live, laugh and love life to its fullest.
AmazonRed™
January 28th, 2011
1:17 pm
Raqi V
January 28th, 2011
1:17 pm
Celisea, in all seriousness I do have moments where I think to myself “Dang when number graduates from high school number 3 and 4 will not even be enrolled in pre-school. But my feelings on it as a whole are pretty much good.
Us deciding to this did change our plans slightly. We were going to build a house on the lake to early retire in and be the jet setting couple.
Ended up selling that property because now we are moving to VA where I am more and more looking forward to being a “country” mom in a small town. I love the house and the yard is huge. The neighborhood is diverse. The population there is like 35,000. As per the last recorded census less that ¼ of the town is “US”. Richmond is a short drive away and so are the beaches.
I can see me sitting out under the tree reading while the two youngins run amuck all over that big yard.
I am not sure if we will sell this one right off or hang on to it for a while. We also have two rentals that we just have not decided what will be best to do with those.
AmazonRed™
January 28th, 2011
1:22 pm
We were going to build a house on the lake to early retire in and be the jet setting couple.
And being in your 60s is really not to late to do that. I am really glad your husband has had the opportunity to have a couple of biological children in addition to the ones he’s taken as his own. It’s very sweet.
And I’m also very glad the VA house ended up with you guys!
DreamsMaterialize
January 28th, 2011
1:23 pm
DreamsMat – I am house hunting (again.)
SexyC should be a great weekend to be out. good luck on the hunt. what areas are you targeting?
Winter maintence on the body isn’t as frequent as it is in the warmer months.
ARed I feel you. I’m sure you’d look stunning nonetheless.
Raqi V
January 28th, 2011
1:25 pm
But you let me not be on my job and *seem* to take you for granted, but have Jane down on the job be full of compliments and reinforcements about how wonderful you are, before I can blink three times, Jane down at the job will start looking a helluva lot better than me and may eventually end up as my replacement.
Somebody pass that girl a robe and a collar ‘cause she preaching it today.
Let the chuuuch say “Yea,man”. (Amen)
Amazon, Celisea, Slim One ah yall pass me one of those fans over there.
Kym
January 28th, 2011
1:25 pm
Maybe or maybe not….the neighbor’s husband (he may be an ex-husband now) is a guest of the state of Georgia and has been since 2005.
@PoppaG..you know such a interesting variety of people
Leggs
January 28th, 2011
1:26 pm
@PoppaG ~ thank you. She made Honor Roll end of 2010 in all her AP classes. I think so much about law school, and I realize I’m only holding myself back and have been for a long time.
“…is a guest of the state of Georgia and has been since 2005.
She did something with somebody, though.” That was funny!
Kym
January 28th, 2011
1:27 pm
All this preggo..talk is making me itch..and not in a good way.
SexyCool
January 28th, 2011
1:27 pm
Cascade area, SWATS, East Point, College Park – ITP…However, a couple of the places that I’ll be looking at this weekend are a couple of miles OTP, the Camp Creek area.
BlackMagicWoman
January 28th, 2011
1:28 pm
I’m late as all hell, but here goes:
KIMMIE…I co-sign your 8:58 Post 100%!!! I will NOT stroke the ego of a grown a$$ man. If you are need of then that was a problem you had long before meeting me. That is something you need to fix in yourself. Being confident in who and what you are and what you stand for is key! Now I will pay a compliment when one is due. For instance…if you look extraordinarily good that day…I will let you know. You did something nice for me or someone else…I will thank you or give you your dersved kudos. I will not be like a mother doing the celebratory pottie dance when her “big boy” uses the potty!
Sorry…the only stroking done by me is in the bedroom/kitchen, etc. . And I am slecetive about that!
Celisea
January 28th, 2011
1:30 pm
Raqi – For you (not me..lol), I actually think it’ sweet that you’re home and having babies…PAST 40…with the love (I know I can feel) ooozing from the screen
I say keep having them if you can.
and for your 1:25, I almost almost almost copied and put out again..so for that…AMEN and a fan coming you’re way.
BlackMagicWoman
January 28th, 2011
1:31 pm
I menat…. *Selective*
Celisea
January 28th, 2011
1:31 pm
SexyC – Smyrna? You’d be closer to Blue Moon
BlackMagicWoman
January 28th, 2011
1:31 pm
Good God…I’ve got Friday on the brain and can’t type. Pardon my typos.
AmazonRed™
January 28th, 2011
1:32 pm
@PoppaG..you know such a interesting variety of people
That’s what I love about living in the city…the diversity.
Kym
January 28th, 2011
1:32 pm
@Raqi..I will be jet-setting for ya..I decided that my graduation gift to the boy will be that trip to London. I wanted to go for my 40th but alas the summer Olympics will be during that time..so I figured I would save up and celebrate the next best thing…kicking him out the house.
Raqi V
January 28th, 2011
1:33 pm
Why thank you AmazonR. And I am more than happy and willing to gift him these little bundles life. He has really been good to me and for me, as well as to and for my boys.
He told me once that being with me is like spending the night with a bottle of fine whiskey except in the morning with me the hangover and aftertaste is much, much sweeter.
He is so corny.
Leggs
January 28th, 2011
1:33 pm
@MNW ~ I guess you also meant “meant”….I’m cracking up!
AmazonRed™
January 28th, 2011
1:33 pm
Ha! Thank you Dreams for that lil ego stroke.
DreamsMaterialize
January 28th, 2011
1:33 pm
The beau will be in Bama hunting before the season ends. (Git errrr done!)
Slim dang can he bring me back venison?
Cascade area, SWATS, East Point, College Park – ITP…However, a couple of the places that I’ll be looking at this weekend are a couple of miles OTP, the Camp Creek area.
SexyC Yeah there’s some nice stuff in those areas. I think South Fulton tops the list for foreclosures in GA. Have you found anything nice in that bunch?
SexyCool
January 28th, 2011
1:33 pm
Also, I would hope that you chose well enough and know your partner well enough to know that their actions are rooted in genuine concern and not some bllsht exercise in smoke blowing.
Leggs
January 28th, 2011
1:33 pm
OMG – I meant “BMW”…laughing at myself now!
AmazonRed™
January 28th, 2011
1:34 pm
He is so corny.
*swoon* I loves me a corny man!
SexyCool
January 28th, 2011
1:38 pm
There is a LOT of inventory in those areas. I have found a few properties that I really like. Where I’m being stymied is in trying to stay in the mid-range of what I’ve been approved for. There is a LOT of competition for the best/move-in ready houses in that price range.
But it’s like I told TheDude – I understand that it is a “buyers; market” and would *love* to get the absolute best deal that there is out there for the money. However, I’m not the only person that wants the absolute best deal…and I may have to accept the fact that I just might not get THAT deal. What I believe is that I am going to get a very good deal and exactly the one that I am supposed to have.
Kym
January 28th, 2011
1:38 pm
@Sexy..you sound like me this time last year. March 31 will be my one year anniversary as a homeowner..Yippie!!!
Poppa Grande
January 28th, 2011
1:39 pm
Leggs
“…is a guest of the state of Georgia and has been since 2005.
I said it the nicest way that I could.
As for law school, I was just talkin’ (as my grandmother would say). However, if you want to go back, you know the time commitment.I tell folks who ask me about law school, I tell them that it is no joke.
Kym
We all know a variety of people. Whether they share their story with us or not.
In our case, the neighbor’s husband was convicted of statutory rape. That is the kind of thing that gets out especially once it becomes public record.
SexyCool
January 28th, 2011
1:40 pm
Celisea – I am trying to stay as close to the airport as possible. I know that the Smyrna commute would not be *that* bad. But…if I can stay inside 285 / south of 20…that would be my preference.
However, if push comes to shove, I will expand my search as necessary to the west side of town.
Poppa Grande
January 28th, 2011
1:41 pm
Kym
also, the further that you get into the legal world, the more “types” of people you encounter. Some good, others make you check your pockets before you leave to make sure that you still have your wallet after encountering them.
Raqi V
January 28th, 2011
1:41 pm
Celisea, thanks but this will be the last one. LOL
Kym, it may take us about a year to get settled in after the move but we still plan to vacation and get our “us” time in. It makes it a lot easier to adjust and do when you have the means to do it. He says this is what he has worked so hard for over the years. To be able to have a family and we live comfortably.
We really don’t know how the move will affect his business but he says he does not plan to dump the entire pot into it just in case we have some setbacks.
Okay that’s enough of me talking about that.
SexyCool, what chapter and verse are you on now?
Raqi V
January 28th, 2011
1:42 pm
Why is that bold?
kimmie
January 28th, 2011
1:42 pm
SCool – Your 1:13 –
Kym
January 28th, 2011
1:43 pm
@PoppaG Yeah I know but you have the best stories….
uh are you not going to throw me some congrats cause the Steelers are headed back to the big show..I know its painful..but it will provide my ego with a nice boost…LOL
DreamsMaterialize
January 28th, 2011
1:43 pm
Ha! Thank you Dreams for that lil ego stroke.
ARed Hey no problem. Of course it’s always easy when it’s the truth. lol
cba
January 28th, 2011
1:44 pm
Speaking of “guest at state of GA. Has anyone followed the story about the SWAT officer that will be a new guest of the state. Very interesting story, he was having an affair with with colleague’s wife. The three of them were on a boat and his colleague just happen to fall into the lake.They were all friends and lived in the same subdivision. I guess you need keep your eyes open to your show-called friends. He was sentenced for four years, one guy is dead and the lady is awaiting trial. Lust can be a life wrecker.
Poppa Grande
January 28th, 2011
1:44 pm
Raqi.
We are considering a move to Maryland. I have a job possibility with the U.S Dept. of Interior. I’ve done one interview. If I get the job, I guess that we are headed to Prince George County, Maryland.
Leggs
January 28th, 2011
1:45 pm
@PoppaG ~ after receiving a good score on LSAT to apply to GSU College of Law, I believe I would have been accepted. But, I had to withdraw my application for family issues and bad circumstances.
A few things I do realize – it it takes a lot of time, blood, sweat and tears!
Kym
January 28th, 2011
1:47 pm
@PoppaG…oh I am getting that experience now..I spend quite a bit of time down at Fulton Co. Court..lots of interesting people to view down there..Now the north annex..well that’s just the Hilton of the Fulton Co court system.
Kym
January 28th, 2011
1:48 pm
@PoppaG..Congrats on the new job!!! You gonna be working for the man!
DreamsMaterialize
January 28th, 2011
1:49 pm
Hey Basking Robbins is having parents night out tomorrow from 6-10pm. The kids will learn how to decorate ice cream cakes and do other activities.
Also, West Side Story is playing. Had to throw that in there since I played Chino in the 5th grade. lol
Raqi V
January 28th, 2011
1:50 pm
SexyCool, are you all checking the foreclosed homes?
My brother and his wife just bought a “brand new” foreclosed home that they got a deal on. The only thing is the distraught former owners took all the light fixtures, socket plates, appliances, granite counters, kitchen sink, two rooms of carpet (you name it) out when the were evicted. The house is only 5 years old so it’s pretty new but they have a lot of work to do. But they say for the price they got it for it’s worth it and they would probably have changed some stuff anyway.
Poppa Grande
January 28th, 2011
1:50 pm
Kym
Oh yeah, your guys beat out my pick for the Superbowl….Baltimore Ravens. So, I offer my congratulations as if you lined up next to Mike Wallace and ran the skinny post. j/k
Hey I was 50% in my pre-season superbowl picks….back in August I picked Green Bay v. Baltimore in the Superbowl. My thinking was the Anquan Boldin would make a difference. He was MIA in that playoff game. The Steelers tried to give the game away in the first half. However, Raven just said that they didn’t want it and gave it back.
Congrats….are you going to Dallas. That stadium is huge. You probably could get in. It hold over 100,000 folks.
Leggs
January 28th, 2011
1:52 pm
@cba ~ I’ve been following that case. People never get that you don’t play in your own backyard. The entire case reeks with shame and disrespect, greed and two morally corrupt souls.
Poppa Grande
January 28th, 2011
1:52 pm
Kym.
I don’t have the job, yet. I just have had an interview.
Leggs
January 28th, 2011
1:53 pm
@DreamsM ~ I can so see you as Chino. WWS is my favorite musical. Considering purchasing a ticket and going to see it. Only thing is that’s a lot of dang singing!
Leggs
January 28th, 2011
1:54 pm
Now, must work on not typing words twice!
Raqi V
January 28th, 2011
1:54 pm
That’s sound PoppaG. Congrats.
I was raised in Marietta and lived in Marietta most of my adult life until moving here to Dunwoody. Both places are very much part of the metro with the big city feel. I am actually looking for to living the city.
I tear up everytime I think about leaving my besties behind but I want out of the city. And they are encouraging me to go. They know I will miss them but I will be happy there. And they say it will give them some where to vacation to once a year. LOL
SexyCool
January 28th, 2011
1:55 pm
Rock – I am actually focusing on foreclosed homes, investor-owned properties and approved short sales, in that order. (The short sales are the least attractive to me.)
I am finding that properties that are listed by private individuals are most often unfortunately overpriced for the market. Why would I buy your house listed at $180K when there is a foreclosure needing little more than carpet and paint three doors down for $73K?
Between all the searching that I have done online on my own, plus what my realtor is sending me, I think I have seen every house on the market on this side of town at least three or four times.