Dating men and their complex egos
One of our great male readers mentioned the male ego (Thanks For Real!) and it reminded me why I love this blog. Part of my fascination with blogging on Misadventures in Atlanta is learning more about men. I am still on that quest to understand the male psyche, behavioral patterns, and the male ego!
Here’s what I know about male egos: it’s powerful, important to understand for a peaceful relationship, and it’s not solely based in sex. Here’s what I don’t know about male egos: how do I manage (stroke?) it and co-exist with it (happily) – especially with my own, equally complex, female ego. I don’t know if it’s a huge problem for me in dating but in relationships I think it can be.
What do you understand about the male ego? Ladies, what did you learn about them from the men in your lives? Are you ever confused by a man’s ego?
Guys, what is the best advice you can give women to handle your egos? Do you think women try to manipulate or control your egos?
What role does it play in how you value yourself as a man? What is the biggest misconception about male egos?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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325 comments Add your comment
i'm swiss™
January 28th, 2011
11:04 am
But how is it patronizing to say that it’s nothing? As in, nothing important? I spent a good hour yesterday after I got home from work contemplating my ideal coaching candidates for UGA football, assuming next year doesn’t go so well & Richt gets canned. Now, 1) what woman really wants to hear about that? And 2) if I told you that, you would think I was lying & hiding something…
DreamsMaterialize
January 28th, 2011
11:05 am
I’ll “brood” on my own time, if I just really have to do that. No one wants to be around me acting all schitty, especially if I’m refusing to talk about it. I can’t stand when people do that, and I’m sure they would feel the same way if I were doing it.
i'm swiss™
January 28th, 2011
11:10 am
Now, if you are “brooding” and acting like something is wrong & won’t talk about it, that’s a different story… But many times, when I’m just chillaxing, you’d be amazed how completely useless my thoughts are…
i'm swiss™
January 28th, 2011
11:11 am
Or maybe you wouldn’t be amazed…
AmazonRed™
January 28th, 2011
11:11 am
Swiss – “Nothing” and “nothing important” are not the same thing. And as Kym stated earlier, if it’s affecting your mood, and the people around you then it is “something.” So it’s patronizing to act like “it’s nothing” when it is and for you to just inject that tired excuse.
AmazonRed™
January 28th, 2011
11:12 am
But many times, when I’m just chillaxing, you’d be amazed how completely useless my thoughts are…
So don’t flatter yourself. When that’s going down, I doubt many women are jumping around asking what you are thinking. Save that for sitcoms, we have our own lives and things to think about.
SlimNumeroUno
January 28th, 2011
11:13 am
Dream – when my beau is in one of those moods, he becomes very distant and takes his “ME” time. At first I was a little thrown off by it because i’m a communicator. I don’t like Not knowing if there is a problem or something bothering a person I care about. But slowly i’m learning I have to let him deal with it in his own way…he already told me it doesn’t always have to be something about me, but that he deals with it and when or even IF he so choses to discuss it, he will. It’s definitely hard because my urge is to want to nurture the hurt/wound/issue/concern and it makes me feel shut out.
Raqi V
January 28th, 2011
11:14 am
WiseDiva, I hope you be fair and do an entry on women and our Emo.Tions so we can tell the menfolk the same thing they are telling us. All we require is to be respected and not taken for granted.
We are not all oversensitive, catty and crazy. Period.
i'm swiss™
January 28th, 2011
11:14 am
ARed — Now that I agree with… (see previous post). I was thinking more of times when a chick will just ask out of the blue what you’re thinking, without you acting like something is wrong… Just because I’m quiet, doesn’t mean I’m in deep thought…
Celisea
January 28th, 2011
11:15 am
“Nothing” and “nothing important” are not the same thing.
Right. If it’s it’s “something” but you’re wanting to claim “nothing” then I say “act” accordingly. If you want to say it’s nothing, then put your happy face on.
Kym
January 28th, 2011
11:17 am
You know maybe when the fellows have that look of deep thought and thinking it looks like constipation to us..so we think you are in pain. LOLOL!!!
i'm swiss™
January 28th, 2011
11:18 am
“You know maybe when the fellows have that look of deep thought and thinking it looks like constipation to us..so we think you are in pain. “
Kym — Bingo!
i'm swiss™
January 28th, 2011
11:19 am
You jest, but seriously… sitting quietly != brooding. And just because I don’t have a smile on my face doesn’t mean something’s wrong.
i'm swiss™
January 28th, 2011
11:21 am
Oh… sorry, I just realized, not everyone is a nerd like me… != means “not equal”
SlimNumeroUno
January 28th, 2011
11:25 am
As I woman, I like to feel loved, appreciated, respected and special.
abc
January 28th, 2011
11:28 am
Besides, if you ask a guy what’s up or what he’s thinking and he says ‘nothing’, chances are you really don’t want to know, anyway. He should say he’s thinking about some sports topic, the MFer at work that’s trying to circumvent his agenda, or even just say “I was thinking about something that you can do for me right now, wink wink”. Hm. Could make you sorry you asked, don’t you think?
AmazonRed™
January 28th, 2011
11:30 am
Could make you sorry you asked, don’t you think?
If I ask, I’m willing to take the risk.
Raqi V
January 28th, 2011
11:32 am
As I woman, I like to feel loved, appreciated, respected and special
Slim, I’m right there with you. I ain’t gone lie I love to be respected, hugged, kissed and complimented by the one I love. That’s just fact. Stroke me baby, stroke me. Not you Slim, I’m talking about my man. LOL
I’ll take 20 strokes for $1000, Alex. LOL
AmazonRed™
January 28th, 2011
11:35 am
I’ll take 20 strokes for $1000, Alex. LOL
Are conjugal visits allowed during your sentence?
SlimNumeroUno
January 28th, 2011
11:38 am
‘Are conjugal visits allowed during your sentence?’
They are allowed if your name is Tiny. lol
Raqi – LOL…seems like yo man loves to do lot’s of STROKING like Clarence Carter.
Raqi V
January 28th, 2011
11:39 am
Besides, if you ask a guy what’s up or what he’s thinking and he says ‘nothing’
It took me a while but I learned how to believe and accept that answer. I follow up with one question “can I get you something?” and I leave it be.
I used to try to get him to open up or try to persuade him but I learned to just leave it alone. When he is ready for my attention he usually knows where to find me. However if his responses to me were of a somewhat callous demeanor, him finding me gone take a minute. LOL but only a little.
Raqi V
January 28th, 2011
11:40 am
AmazonR, no.
AmazonRed™
January 28th, 2011
11:43 am
PrincessNik
January 28th, 2011
11:47 am
Raqi,
Hope you don’t take offense to me asking, but was this pregnancy planned?
SlimNumeroUno
January 28th, 2011
11:47 am
Off topic – Any of you going to see Mike Epps next weekend?
Dan - Simply...Superior
January 28th, 2011
11:49 am
“What role does it play in how you value yourself as a man?”
^This is funny to me.
How can someone else define my value? How can someone else affect how I feel about me?
Seriously – hilarious
abc
January 28th, 2011
11:52 am
What sentence?
Raqi V
January 28th, 2011
11:58 am
I remember once trying to ask that man a question and his response was so frigid. I returned the favor. Later on that evening after he had processed whatever the “nothing” was he was dealing with he wanted to be sociable. Found himself scooting up next to an iceberg bigger than the one that sunk the titanic.
He felt like I was overreacting but I told him if my simple question was so bothersome to him he needs stay bothered. Hot and bothered all by his damn self. LOL
I don’t use intimacy as a bargaining or tool of manipulation however you gone show me a better attitude despite how “in thought” you are if you want to be getting all cozy with me later.
Damn your ego and your needs. You gone show me some respect. Don’t “come on baby” me. Not!
Raqi V
January 28th, 2011
12:00 pm
PrincessNik, it was not exactly prevented. Does that make sense?
Raqi V
January 28th, 2011
12:01 pm
abc, I am on bed rest. I call it a sentencing because I have to stay put except to use the potty and one 5 minute shower per day.
AmazonRed™
January 28th, 2011
12:02 pm
Found himself scooting up next to an iceberg bigger than the one that sunk the titanic.
Leggs
January 28th, 2011
12:02 pm
Enough with all this talk about egos….I’m getting antsy (LOL)!
AmazonRed™
January 28th, 2011
12:03 pm
How can someone else define my value? How can someone else affect how I feel about me?
I guess not every guy is as evolved as you are Dan.
PrincessNik
January 28th, 2011
12:05 pm
Raqi,
Yes that makes plenty of sense.
Celisea
January 28th, 2011
12:05 pm
whatever the “nothing” was he was dealing with he wanted to be sociable. Found himself scooting up next to an iceberg bigger than the one that sunk the titanic
THIS is pretty much my way of handling. I’m not going to pull or prior either but if you act slightly and irritated then I’ll just have to show you later on by giving you back what you handed me….all in love though of course. Sometimes the best way to get a message across is not all the time having an argument but sometimes just showing. It can often paint a clearer picture and show (not being vendictive) in return, this is how you made me feel. Childish? Not at all, as long as it’s done void of an attitude and sometimes the best way to avoid bitter words
Raqi V
January 28th, 2011
12:06 pm
AmazonR, yep. And that ice pick poking me could not penetrate he had shadowed me with that night.
Raqi V
January 28th, 2011
12:06 pm
AmazonR, yep. And that ice pick poking me could not penetrate THE COLDNESS he had shadowed me with that night.
Poppa Grande
January 28th, 2011
12:08 pm
Good Morning, Blogville!
Congratulations, Kimmie!
Any of you going to see Mike Epps next weekend?
I’ve seen him live before, and I was more upset about losing that hour of my life than losing the money. He got mad because no one was laughing at his jokes, but him. That was a while ago, though, hopefully he has gotten better.
As for the topic:
Just learn your mate. We all process stress and life differently. Some people vent about their bad day, and others need time cool off & reflect. Learn your mate and act accordingly.
Mrs. PG is a venter, and I know that. So, I know to either lend that ear. I am a not a venter. For me, Nothing is short for “nothing to concern yourself with at this time.” Plus she knows that I am a doer.
My belief is that one of my jobs as a husband is not to make things harder for her than necessary. It isn’t because I don’t think that she can’t handle it, but in some cases, she has plenty other things to handle. If I can lighten the load a little, I’ve done my job. There are plenty of things that she does to make my life easier and there is no reason that I can’t do the same. Reciprocation
If it is important to share, I will.
I care more about making this marriage work, than either of our egos.
Raqi V
January 28th, 2011
12:08 pm
all in love though of course
Celisea, exactly but I don’t take too well of being p!ssed on and then told it’s just rain.
Raqi V
January 28th, 2011
12:09 pm
Leggs, antsy about what?
Poppa Grande
January 28th, 2011
12:14 pm
Raqi
Your baby dust delivery to my house must have ended up in my next door neighbor’s box. She is pregnant with twins.
Raqi V
January 28th, 2011
12:16 pm
Celisea,
Think you gone shoo me away and then bust off into me later like ain’t nothing happened? That won’t be happening.
However, I am not going to lie, I have managed to be persuaded a time, maybe two (LOL), but for the most part like you said you are going to be getting back what you gave me. With love.
Raqi V
January 28th, 2011
12:19 pm
LOL Poppa. That box was meant for Mrs. Tazzee. Opps.
Celisea
January 28th, 2011
12:20 pm
Raqi – Celisea, exactly but I don’t take too well of being p!ssed on and then told it’s just rain.
Me either and it took some time and experience to understand how sometimes you have to take a different route to get somewhere to let folks know you want and demand respect….without all the time being demanding about it.
Leggs
January 28th, 2011
12:20 pm
@PoppaG – think the mailman deserves a hand shake for that misdelivery!!
@Raqi V – not really antsy about anything. Just stroking the embers of this topic.
Raqi V
January 28th, 2011
12:22 pm
Celisea, ya darn skippy. It ain’t personal, although it is, it’s just demanding respect.
Poppa Grande
January 28th, 2011
12:22 pm
I don’t know if Mrs. Tazzee wanted that delivery or not.
The neighbor’s youngest child is 14 yrs old. She already has a 2 year grandson. Now, she is expecting 2 new babies of her own.
Celisea
January 28th, 2011
12:23 pm
Raqi – Think you gone shoo me away and then bust off into me later like ain’t nothing happened? That won’t be happening.
Exactly….and just because I walked away when you “shooed” don’t mean I’m done.
Poppa Grande
January 28th, 2011
12:24 pm
Leggs
@PoppaG – think the mailman deserves a hand shake for that misdelivery!!
He got more than a handshake for that. He got lunch at Carver’s for the misdirection
Celisea
January 28th, 2011
12:26 pm
I’m not an AI fan and pretty much only endure the auditions but I’m really digging the vibe of the current judges….just a random thought while I eat my yummy salad and turn from classical to soft rock. I can only endure classical for so long