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Dating men and their complex egos

One of our great male readers mentioned the male ego (Thanks For Real!) and it reminded me why I love this blog. Part of my fascination with blogging on Misadventures in Atlanta is learning more about men. I am still on that quest to understand the male psyche, behavioral patterns, and the male ego!

Here’s what I know about male egos: it’s powerful, important to understand for a peaceful relationship, and it’s not solely based in sex. Here’s what I don’t know about male egos: how do I manage (stroke?) it and co-exist with it (happily) – especially with my own, equally complex, female ego. I don’t know if it’s a huge problem for me in dating but in relationships I think it can be.

What do you understand about the male ego? Ladies, what did you learn about them from the men in your lives? Are you ever confused by a man’s ego?

Guys, what is the best advice you can give women to handle your egos? Do you think women try to manipulate or control your egos?

What role does it play in how you value yourself as a man? What is the biggest misconception about male egos?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

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John Ellison

January 28th, 2011
6:28 am

Your ego is not your friend. If men and women stop listening to their ego, we would get along much better.

joe

January 28th, 2011
6:55 am

You are making this way too difficult.

Samantha

January 28th, 2011
7:52 am

Men tell me all the time that they are very basic. They want simple things like food, sex, and to see me smile (not necessarily in that order). They want to be admired for the things that are important to them (not us) their work or a game played well.

They could care less about the details of your life…just the facts please. It doesn’t mean they don’t care about you just not all the intricate details of your life.

I find that when I listen thoughtfully and allow them to do things their own way (even though it may not be the best way) or have their own opinion life is better with men. Their ego is stroked but I don’t lose myself. Mutual respect is probably the biggest key.

So in a nutshell:
!. Admire
2. Listen
3. Respect

I wouldn’t try to contorting yourself to do these things if it’s not a natural part of who you are. They know when you are faking (mostly), so work on these three things, practice, practice, practice if you want a harmonious relationship with men.

Check out What Women Never Hear at http://wwnh.wordpress.com too. That Guy is right on point and tells it like it is in a way women can understand.

JSS

January 28th, 2011
7:52 am

@ joe…
Co-sign

Jeff

January 28th, 2011
8:09 am

Why is it men have “male egos” but women have “self confidence”?

Rell - i want some pudding

January 28th, 2011
8:18 am

Guys, what is the best advice you can give women to handle your egos?

-SHUT THE FUG UP WHEN I AM SPEAKING..best advice ladies!!!

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 28th, 2011
8:30 am

Patronizing me, or attempting to, in an effort to assuage my ego is insulting.

After a certain number of years on this earth, I’ve had my share of humiliation, aggrandizement, appeasement, and suffering – my ego is fine.

If I were to employ ladies to recognize anything about the “male” ego as opposed to the “female” ego it would be this – we’re not that fragile and we don’t need our ego’s stroked, carressed or other technique designed to “handle” me.

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
8:41 am

Morning all -

Not good with ego, I think it causes people to be irrational, but I do acknowlege it’s a very fragile thing for many. My ego tends to keep me in check…but it’s there.

My philosophy with men is simple, I believe strong men need support and peace from their women. I saw how much better my Dad operated when his home was calm and he knew my Mom was in his corner. So that’s what I offer. If you can’t feel good after that, then there ain’t much more I can do for ya. :lol:

Y'all Are Kids

January 28th, 2011
8:46 am

Dan is right on. If I may add, when you ask us what we’re thinking and we say nothing. Let it go. We’re thinking about something you wouldn’t approve of, or wouldn’t understand.
And I don’t need my ego strocked. That only makes it grow, and nobody wants that! I want to be appreciated. If you can’t apreciate me, move on. Cause you sure as hell ain’t gonna change me.

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
8:48 am

We’re thinking about something you wouldn’t approve of, or wouldn’t understand.

Well tough.

Y'all Are Kids

January 28th, 2011
8:57 am

Well tough.

My daughter used to ask her boyfriend all the time what he was thinking. This would leave him uncomfortable and anxious. He didn’t want to hurt her feelings. I pulled him aside one day and told him that the best way to put an end to that was to simply tell her. In complete color with all the details. She still doesn’t understand the infield fly rule, but she sure should.

So g’head, keep asking, you may find out. But like I said, you won’t “get it”.

kimmie

January 28th, 2011
8:58 am

Morning Blog Crew!

Amred – Uh, yeah, what you said, including the “well tough”!

Dudes & egos – Whatever

I give everyone I deal with their due respect, but I’m not kissing nobody’s butt. If you’re an adult, I treat you like one. Not speaking while someone else is speaking is basic courtesy. If you don’t respect me & try to treat me like a child, guess what? I won’t disrespect or treat you like a child in return, I just won’t deal with you at all.

Nobody wants to be put down or belittled, everyone appreciates being appreciated. Everyone would like a little positive support on a regular basis. To be treat like they “matter”. It’s just that simple to me.

All this “understanding male ego” ish, like I said, whatever.

kimmie

January 28th, 2011
8:59 am

Won’t get it

It just really isn’t that deep. :roll:

Y'all Are Kids

January 28th, 2011
9:02 am

- It just really isn’t that deep. –

Is that not what I just said?

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
9:03 am

So g’head, keep asking, you may find out. But like I said, you won’t “get it”.

It’s not about “getting it” but it is about respecting your partner enough to do more than dismiss them and lie with a “nothing.”

And perhaps, some lucky few will actually understand the infield fly rule. Heaven forbid women actual have brains.

But no, I’m not one to pester anyone in to talking to me. I’ll find out what I need to know anyway, so make it easy on yourself. :lol:

kimmie

January 28th, 2011
9:08 am

Y’all – No. Cause obviously you don’t get where I’m coming from.

I’m saying whatever a dude is brooding over, just wouldn’t be that deep to me. If it’s something serious, deal with it. I’ll ask you once out of simple concern, but if you can’t open your mouth and talk, well go on about your business cause I will definitely go about mine. All this “you won;t understand” or “won’t get it” – that’s stupid and frankly a little rude.

kimmie

January 28th, 2011
9:08 am

Y’all – No. Cause obviously you don’t get where I’m coming from.

I’m saying whatever a dude is brooding over, just wouldn’t be that deep to me. If it’s something serious, deal with it. I’ll ask you once out of simple concern, but if you can’t open your mouth and talk, well go on about your business cause I will definitely go about mine. All this “you won;t understand” or “won’t get it” – that’s stupid and frankly a little rude.

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 28th, 2011
9:10 am

@Kimmie

And there it is.

I don’t deal with a “female” ego, I deal with the female.

If you’re trying to deal with the “male” ego, rather than the man – #fail.

kimmie

January 28th, 2011
9:12 am

Plus, what does pestering some brooding dude into talking have to do with the topic at hand – understanding male ego?

Simple Man!!!

January 28th, 2011
9:13 am

Mornign Ladies and Gents…..

The biggest problem I see with women and the male ego is that to often, Women try to view male issues thru a Female mentality….Prime example Guy and girl are newly dating…..Girl needs to know that not only do we not want to hear about how great or bad your ex was…..We don’t care!!! And if we have to hear about it to often we are going to lose interest!!!!!!

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
9:13 am

All this “you won;t understand” or “won’t get it” – that’s stupid and frankly a little rude.

Precisely.

I’d rather him say “I’m not ready to talk about it” or even “none of your business.” Cuz while “none of your business” is definitely rude, at least it’s more truthful than “nothing” when it’s something.

I mean, getting “uncomfortable and anxious” cuz he was thinking about the infield fly rule and didn’t want to just say it to his girlfriend? :roll: Not buying it.

kimmie

January 28th, 2011
9:13 am

If you’re trying to deal with the “male” ego, rather than the man ..

Dan – absolutely!

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 28th, 2011
9:16 am

@kimmie

“I’m saying whatever a dude is brooding over, just wouldn’t be that deep to me.”

You’re better than that.

If he’s “brooding” then it may be important to him

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
9:16 am

Plus, what does pestering some brooding dude into talking have to do with the topic at hand – understanding male ego?

I guess their egos won’t let them open up and spill whatever is eating them. *shrug* :lol:

But I think “y’alls” man card needs to be under review, cuz some men on here have tried to sell this “when I say it’s nothing, it really is nothing” thing for years. Now we know that it is indeed something… :lol:

kimmie

January 28th, 2011
9:16 am

Simple – Again, what does that dating scenario have to do with ego?

I mean, we don’t want or care to hear about your ex either when we’re newly dating!!

Y'all Are Kids

January 28th, 2011
9:20 am

Who said anything about brooding? Oh yeah, Kimmie has an issue with brooding men. This is about male egos.
Men think differently than women. As a f’rinstance, when a woman asks a man what he is thinking, she will probably get an answer she is not anticipating, such as the Co-efficient of temperature effect on rotating mass. Which is why my bike seems slower when it’s cold. She wanted to hear how much his life has improved since she came along. It has, but he wasn’t thinking about it.

kimmie

January 28th, 2011
9:24 am

Dan – What do you mean I’m better than that?

I have very little patience for temp tantrums and childish behavior. If it’s so important to him that it’s affecting others around him, mainly me, and he can’t let me in, it’s not going to go too well with us. Like Amred said, even if he says none of my business, either deal with it or get over it. I’m not a nagger. I’m a reasonable person and even if it’s nothing I can’t help you with, give me the due respect.

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 28th, 2011
9:24 am

“such as the Co-efficient of temperature effect on rotating mass.”

Um, too much; even for me

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
9:25 am

As a f’rinstance, when a woman asks a man what he is thinking

She just wants to know what he’s thinking…as long as it’s the truth. Period.

If she wants to know how much his life has improved since she came along, she’ll ask him that directly.

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 28th, 2011
9:28 am

@kimmie

I mean, you’re better than that. You’re better than “don’t ask, don’t tell, don’t care” type attitude. Or at least, that’s been my read.

I thought you were the type that would understand that maybe he’s not ready to talk right now. I thought that if he’s concerned about it, that you were confident and comfortable enough to be there for him when he’s ready.

What I didn’t expect was a dismissive attitude…

kimmie

January 28th, 2011
9:29 am

Yall – Again, whatever.

And who cares if it’s an answer I’m not anticipating. At least it’s an answer. Anyway, I’m not your daughter. I’ll ask once and if you can’t talk, obviously it’s really isn’t that important. I’ll then keep it moving! :)

Y'all Are Kids

January 28th, 2011
9:31 am

Guys, what is the best advice you can give women to handle your egos?
– Don’t try to understand them on your terms. Take them for what they are, base/simple/rudimentary.

Do you think women try to manipulate or control your egos?
– Some do and it’s extremely apparent and short lived when they do.

What role does it play in how you value yourself as a man?

– None, but then, I’m perfect.

What is the biggest misconception about male egos?

– They’re fragile. Trust me, mine isn’t.

Ok?

Kym

January 28th, 2011
9:34 am

Good Morning All,

I really don’t think I want to understand the male ego. I have tried being understanding and kind but frankly if that means coddling and cojoling(Today’s word) then guess what..TOUGH..grow a pair joker Kimmie and ARed said it best walking around saying oh I’m good, I’m fine..when your face has that look like you got severe jock itch..is just stupid.

NaTuRaL20

January 28th, 2011
9:34 am

So g’head, keep asking, you may find out. But like I said, you won’t “get it”.

Why do men act like women either can’t handle what they are thinking or are not intuitive enough to “get it”. I was raised by my father and he raised to me to think like a man, just without the testosterone. So give it a try you may just be surprised.

*******************************************************************************
The male ego. I think you are definitely over thinking it. There are some basic similarities that all men share and the same with women. However, I don’t think one size fits all. It depends on the man or woman. Some men have really big egos and can be real jerks and probably the same with women.

I agree with the ladies. It’s not brain surgery. Basically treat each other the way you want to be treated. Simple as that. You respect me, I respect you. You listen to me when I talk and don’t interrupt then I will give you the same courtesy, etc.

A man wants to feel like a man and a woman wants to be treated like a lady. Bottom line. I don’t think that anyone should have to go out of their way to stroke anyone’s anything just to make life easier. When I deal with someone with a big ego or some other personality flaw that I can’t get around then I just make a mental note to limit my interaction with this person.

Kym

January 28th, 2011
9:35 am

@Dan..uhh your 9:28 comment..yeah it looks like your slip is showing cut it out.

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
9:38 am

when your face has that look like you got severe jock itch..is just stupid.

:lol:

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
9:41 am

One of my friends was featured on one of those HGTV homebuying shows last night. She was in the market for a home with her fiance.

She clearly knew she has a man whose ego needed to be stroked. When she walked into the kitchen and saw the granite counter tops…she asked her man “honey, what is that?” And he proudly told her it was granite.

Come on now… :lol:

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 28th, 2011
9:42 am

@Kym

Again, it’s the man.

My “slip”? Really? Do better.

To your attempt at sarcasm I say this, I’m the man that I was born to be. I’m comfortable expressing myself because I’ve taken the time to get to know me.

And in that, there are times when I’m trying to figure stuff out. I often try to understand/fix it myself before asking for help. during that time I’m not as dismissive as to say “nothing” to my lady, but I will throw out a “I’m not sure yet”.

But if and when I need help, my girl is among the people I turn to – when I’m ready.

And to expect her to be there when I need her, and not pouting becuase I didn’t answer her question on her timeline, is what makes my lady right for me.

Now, for the next man, the next chick..

kimmie

January 28th, 2011
9:43 am

Dan – Yes, you know I am totally down for my man.

But having one dismiss me like I’m not intellient, pout, brood – I would not react well in that scenario Mr Kid’s gave.

abc

January 28th, 2011
9:45 am

Comes a time when one must check their ego at the door. If you encounter a person possessing an ego that requires that you ’stroke it’ or ‘co-exist with it’, and they’re so stuck on themselves that they can’t change that, then ditch them. They’re certain to make you miserable.

Kym

January 28th, 2011
9:45 am

I swear this whole line of convo has me thinking of Jack Nicholas’s line..”YOU WANT THE TRUTH, YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!”..

SlimNumeroUno

January 28th, 2011
9:48 am

Whew! I had my ego stroked last night and something amazing happened. :lol: j/k

kimmie

January 28th, 2011
9:48 am

but I will throw out a “I’m not sure yet”.

Dan – See, absolutely nothing wrong with that. My man has done that several times. When he was ready he came to me & I was there.

No pouting or smart behind answer like Mr. Kids gave.

Raqi V

January 28th, 2011
9:49 am

I am still on that quest to understand the male psyche, behavioral patterns, and the male ego!

Good lawd WiseDiva why would you want to drag yourself into such a convoluted, dreadful and dirty place? LOL (j/k)

But speaking in all truth the best a woman can do for her man and his ego is respect him.

I know men like ForReal insist that a man’s ego cannot be bruised, ‘cause he (ForReal) is so untouchable, but I have yet to meet a man that has responded positively or without emotion to being disrespected, used and abused.

Every dog appreciates a pat on the head or getting his tummy rubbed.

PrincessNik

January 28th, 2011
9:49 am

Ared

I watched that episode last night. I cringed at that question like is she for real :lol:

kimmie

January 28th, 2011
9:50 am

Kym – Girl, we are thinking alike with that Jack reference! LOL!!!

TenderRoni

January 28th, 2011
9:50 am

I think key to dealing with a man’s ego, is to understand the man. Because every man is different, some like compliments and have their ego stroked, while others simply want to be appreciated for thier love actions. You have to get to know and understand that person.

AmazonRed™

January 28th, 2011
9:50 am

Whew! I had my ego stroked last night and something amazing happened.

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Slim – Corner! :arrow: