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Take benefits out of ‘Friends with benefits’?

I was sick all weekend so I didn’t venture out to see the latest romantic comedy, No Strings Attached. I was looking forward to seeing Hollywood’s latest take on: boy meets girl/two people pretending that casual sex is totally fun. I figured it could be highly entertaining, even if just for the hottie quotient with Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman.

I think one of the biggest misconceptions about casual hook-ups and no strings attached relationships is that this kind of thing is easy to set up. I don’t think it is. I am not sure it should be, though. Sidebar: Do married people ever assume that you have some outrageous sex life because you are free to hit the singles buffet?

I won’t argue for or against FWB arrangements but I am curious about the so called benefits of them. When you don’t have a desire to be in a relationship but you want physical needs met, how much work/effort do you put into making it work for you?

Perhaps I am over thinking here, but when there is no emotional connection (supposedly?), do you bother with the “friendly” part of friends with benefits? Do you think it works better when you just arrange time and locations as if you were negotiating a timeshare or something?

Have you ever tried friends with benefits? Did you have small-talk and do fun things outside the bedroom? Was it a friend of yours that became a FWB or did you meet someone and hook up then decided to keep it going?

I used to tease my guy friends that they had no right to look for all the ‘extras’ from hook-ups. Lingerie, candles, shaved legs (kidding…sort of.) and all those “beneficial” things should not be wasted on a FWB! What do you think? How many benefits are you entitled to?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

421 comments Add your comment

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Kym

January 26th, 2011
7:35 am

Good Morning All,

Seriously I am digging this early morning blog opening. I can get my comments in while my mind is still slightly fresh.

Okay to answer your questions..

Q: When you don’t have a desire to be in a relationship but you want physical needs met, how much work/effort do you put into making it work for you?

A: I wasn’t quite sure what the “it” is you are refering to here..are saying it as in relationship..or it as in sex? I am going to wait for clarification before answering this one.

Q: Do you think it works better when you just arrange time and locations?

A: I think for the two people involved if they are working adults then everything is kind of on a time and location schedule. So my answer is yes.

Q: Have you ever tried friends with benefits?

A: Yes, and to answer the last half I have had experience with both the long term friend hookup and the short term bump and grind.

PrincessNik

January 26th, 2011
7:58 am

Have you ever tried friends with benefits?

yes

Did you have small-talk and do fun things outside the bedroom?

yes

Was it a friend of yours that became a FWB or did you meet someone and hook up then decided to keep it going?

I’ve experienced both situations.

Kimmie: Stratosphere Wedding Chapel

Tweety

January 26th, 2011
8:07 am

Hey, Sorry this is off topic. I know its not a good idea to get involved with people u work with but what do u think about a guy that deliveries to your job on a daily basis…like fedex. Is this still too close to work?

czBrat

January 26th, 2011
8:14 am

HiYas!

fwb was a perfect arrangement (for me) at the time. we were friends first and have remained friends since. i must admit though, now that i’m involved in a deeply committed relationship there are times i really miss the lack of accountability of an fwb thang, but whatcha gonna do???

mornin’ ladies!

■²

January 26th, 2011
8:15 am

If the guy is making deliveries, he works for an outside company.

No problem there. Go for it! :P

■²

January 26th, 2011
8:17 am

I believe 90% of women cannot actually handle a “friends with benefits” situation.

I could be wrong, but looking back it seems to have been the case several times.

Maybe it depends on the area, I don’t know.

PrincessNik

January 26th, 2011
8:22 am

@ ■² I believe 90% of women cannot actually handle a “friends with benefits” situation

I don’t know about the percentage, but IMO typically the longer a FWB situation goes on its hard to not develop feelings (i argue, male and female) especially if there is time being spent outside the bedroom. While it may not be love, could be strong like, or a “comfort” that develops.

Kym

January 26th, 2011
8:29 am

Hi czBrat! Hi Princess!

PrincessNik

January 26th, 2011
8:31 am

czBrat

January 26th, 2011
8:31 am

hola mama! i’m off to play in traffic.
catch up with ya later.

Varinia

January 26th, 2011
9:02 am

Have done it, but realized that it just isn’t right for me. I’m kind of ‘all or nothing’. With that I mean, when I’m involved with someone I’m completely open – no games, no holding back. And to me that’s when sex is greatest, because there’s a trust developed.

Just having sex, without that intimate trust, is just not as good for me. It’s harder for me to get out of my head and into just being in the moment and enjoying, without thinking.

And I also find it difficult to keep the detachment, if I’m physical with someone. And emotions just create chaos in those situations.

ozz

January 26th, 2011
9:03 am

Come on ladies! Don’t you have any respect for yourselves? Show some self-control. WAIT until you have found the person you want to invest all of your love, emotion, friendship and body! Let me tell you…the sex is awesome with the one you love.
Signed…old fashioned (not old) and lovin’ it.

TenderRoni

January 26th, 2011
9:20 am

There is something just so not genuine about friends with benefits, but that’s what a lot of men prefer or is used to now, because after having fwb why would they want to make a commitment. FWB is selfish transactions between two people.
It could just be where you are in life, cuz when I was younger I didn’t mind. But when a man talks about or I see that’s what we are doing, I just walk away now.

Rell - Limited Edition

January 26th, 2011
9:25 am

Yeah FWB is cool if there is alot of communication and guidelines…but like someone mention over time someone will develop feelings…FWB is actually emotional choice made during intense highs or very low times in someone life….men give love to get sex, women give sex to get love….I have experienced from the mundane here an there hit…to the weekly sex sessions….its all emotions..just like everything else…FWB nevers ends good…the facade may seem like you two are all good..but inside someone is even more messed up then when they first started

Celisea

January 26th, 2011
9:30 am

“Friends with benefits” is just the latest catch phrase for women in the last decade but men have been doing this since there’s been a man…they just never revealed that’s that what it was.

Me? FWB? Never did it and if I haven’t then more than likely I won’t….I know, I’m a schmuck. A happy one tho :)

Y'all Are Kids

January 26th, 2011
9:31 am

FWB relationships have killed more than one real friendship for me. It’s a lot easier to become friends with your Miss Right Now than to turn to a friend for sex. But experience has shown that even a true FWB wants it to become something more and that ends up screwing up a good thing. So no. It’s never worked out for me.

Celisea

January 26th, 2011
9:35 am

even a true FWB wants it to become something more and that ends up screwing up a good thing.

Yeah, I ain’t armoured this way so I never took the chance. Too, I’ve had droughts and a hankering like something awful but I’ve never had the appetite to do it just because I needed to release.

abc

January 26th, 2011
9:43 am

There are rarely cases of ‘Friends with Benefits’. Benefits, sure. Friends, not so much. It gets hit a few times and then move on. That is single life for a grown man. Once a man decides to settle down, the benefits are much less important — important still, to be sure, but not primary.

AmazonRed™

January 26th, 2011
9:50 am

FWB…can’t do it. Doesn’t work for me. I get emotionally attached and think you SHOULD when you’re intimate with someone. Besides, I don’t think I ever have not desired a relationship and just needed my “needs” met…that sounds so primitive. :lol:

In any case, too much risk in these types of scenerios…so I’m good.

AmazonRed™

January 26th, 2011
9:53 am

I believe 90% of women cannot actually handle a “friends with benefits” situation.

I agree…though as the years go by, seems like people become more and more emotional detached to life and things in it. I’ve heard a lot of younger girls state that kissing is more intimate than sex…. so that number is clearly trending downward.

Leggs

January 26th, 2011
9:54 am

Good morning.

I don’t do “FWB’s (I know none of you are surprised). I see two positives to the word “benefit.” The benefit of no strings sex and the benefit of not being accountable to another. I know many can sex just to fulfill that primal urge, but sharing yourself with another should encompass more than reaching that O. And, if that’s the only way you can feel loved or connected with another being, than you’re fooling yourself because you aren’t connected to anything but lust!

Fion

January 26th, 2011
9:57 am

“Do you think it works better when you just arrange time and locations as if you were negotiating a timeshare or something?”

Where else can person expect to , wear a Cowboy hat, Spurs, be Tied Up, Get Spanked and see Beadroom Pole Dancing.
Yeah, I said it. If you gone HOOK IT UP! “HOOK IT UP.” :)

New in Atlanta

January 26th, 2011
10:02 am

I’m in my mid-30s, female, and happily married for many years but wanted to comment.

In my early 20s, I had a long-term relationship that went sour. And a male friend of mine was kind of going through the same thing. We decided to be FWB for awhile. It really helped my confidence to be blunt, and we’re still friends today. There wasn’t any weird awkward negative feelings, we weren’t ever disrespectful to each other, and we didn’t expect anything from each other. Don’t really expect a lot of people to agree with our arrangement, but it worked for us.

Robert

January 26th, 2011
10:03 am

In hard times the “rich get richer” and “friends with benefits” are in demand. Over the past few years most of my married female friends with husbands have fallen on hard times (loss of jobs, two incomes, houses, cars, etc.) which has created a wonderful opportunity for me. For example, I am a single straight man, with my own home and good job who can help a friend out of a financial jam. “A Friend in Need is A Friend Indeed” and this arrangement works well for women who want to keep their homes and continue their lifestyles inspite of the hard times the family is facing. Women “By Any Means Neccessary” are survivors.

AmazonRed™

January 26th, 2011
10:06 am

*blank stare*

Leggs

January 26th, 2011
10:07 am

@Robert ~ Are you saying you don’t mind helping your “friends” out of some of their financial binds, or are you saying because they’re having financial trouble thereby creating stress in their marriages you turn into Captain Save-A-Ho?

Leggs

January 26th, 2011
10:08 am

@ARed ~ that’s what I should have typed *blank stare* Goodness gracious!

Kym

January 26th, 2011
10:09 am

Sounds like Robert is running a housewives..escort agency.

Just Sayin'

January 26th, 2011
10:10 am

I personally don’t think FWB would work. For most of us women, our private parts are connect to our hearts and for most of us, you don’t involve your private parts without the heart getting involved.

For men, their private parts may or may not be connected with their hearts. As long as they are allowed to satisfy urges without falling in love with the girl, then there is hurt potential for the girl unless she is totally devoid of feeling as well. If the two people don’t have feelings for one another, then think about it, how much does this separate us from animals in heat?

Secondly, the older and wiser part of me realizes that this free-wheeling behavior undermines the institution of what marriage is supposed to be. This is from a scriptural stand point, so I understand that this concept may be foreign or seem antiquated to those who do not believe spiritual principles. I’ve just been around long enough to see that it doesn’t work. Unfortunately, I’ve been there done that, and realize that it’s merely asking for trouble, even if your fling-man is a cutie like Ashton Kutcher.

Varinia

January 26th, 2011
10:11 am

It looks to me as if Robert is saying that he’s paying his friends to have sex with him, so that they get out of their financial hole and he gets sex.

I grew up in Europe, so I have no problem with prostitution, if 2 people want to make that arrangemetn – but let’s call it what it is.

abc

January 26th, 2011
10:11 am

Robert’s an example of what I’m talking about. Benefits, sure; friends, not really. Else, would he be doing something so destructive of his so-called friends?

Yall chicks are best off avoiding FWB. Unless you’re into hit it and quit it yourselves, as are lots of women, of course.

Celisea

January 26th, 2011
10:13 am

Robert is a broke joe looking for an opportunity. Your comeuppance is the low of others…SMH…just sad

AmazonRed™

January 26th, 2011
10:13 am

Well said, Just Sayin’

Leggs

January 26th, 2011
10:15 am

“…as are lots of women, of course.”

You are so wrong!

Celisea

January 26th, 2011
10:15 am

I’d have to wonder too about the term jumpoff…is that the backside of FWB…to some men? Think about WD’s friend getting stuck woth ole girl. If my recollection is on point he said he invited a jumpoff over…that got stranded way too long. Does she know she’s a jumpoff or does she consider it an arrangement of FWB…hmmmm

Da_Man!

January 26th, 2011
10:20 am

@Robert … I thinking you meant to post your comments on the “Homewrecker” blog ?!?!?

Thanks for re-assuring us that we must keep our Ladies away from the prowling “Good Friend”.

abc

January 26th, 2011
10:20 am

Having been a single adult male, Leggs, I must disagree; like-minded women are common. No pun intended.

Leggs

January 26th, 2011
10:20 am

@Celisea ~ she was probably thinking this may lead to a long-term relationship. She probably didn’t go in fully thinking she was a jumpoff or a one-night stand. She probably knew by day 3 (he probably was still civil, but you can’t mistake undertones if you’re paying attention).

Celisea

January 26th, 2011
10:24 am

Leggs – Yeah, sort of along the lines of what I’m thinking. Got to be careful in those situations unless (like ABC said) you go in knowing truly what it is. I don’t think she was thinking “jumpoff” either but he was and is probably none the wiser because I’m sure he was polite and obliged. Thing is, no dude is going to reveal just how low they think of you but will willingly part-take knowing it ain’t moving one notch beyond sex.

Celisea

January 26th, 2011
10:25 am

“she” is probably none the wiser…not “he……..”

q1

January 26th, 2011
10:25 am

You have presented a rather intriguing question, casual sex without all the extras like romance, candlelight, lingerie and so on. I will pose the question to my personal trainer, she will be here shortly for my foot massage. I am getting rather excited thinking about it, hopefully there will be no emotional attachment. Today, i am going to have her play this litlle piggy went to market, my momma used to play it with my toootsies and now it is just like going back to childhood. My personal trainer, as all my followers know, keeps my muscles limber and flexible. Am I off the track,with a little foot foreplay? That is all for now, i have to cleanse my mind so my trainer will have a tabula rosa to work with

Leggs

January 26th, 2011
10:26 am

@abc ~ even with you being a single adult male, pretty sure you weren’t scoring like Wilt Chamberlin!

Leggs

January 26th, 2011
10:27 am

Ok, just underminded my own argument. :lol:

Love it!!!

January 26th, 2011
10:31 am

I am a female and love the FWB. Sometimes the only problem is when you can’t get him when you want him. The timing is a bit off. Other than that, it’s fun and love.

Robert

January 26th, 2011
10:32 am

Ladies, I apologize if my comments were disrespectful. I was only talking about my experiences and I hope my comments may help somebody on this subject matter. I am a “Predator” always looking for “Prey” and there are no victims when “friends with benefits” are on the love, lust and sex battlefield.

abc

January 26th, 2011
10:33 am

I have to wonder how Wilt found the time.

Leggs

January 26th, 2011
10:34 am

:lol: @ abc. I concur!

@Robert ~ you don’t fit on this blog, but I’m going to throw you a temporary blog vest. Wear it carefully, it’s made out of crepe paper!

For Real (Step Into My World)

January 26th, 2011
10:35 am

What up Blog Fam!!

The whole problem with FWB is that women believe they are the only ones with benefits to give. Which is why Wise said “I used to tease my guy friends that they had no right to look for all the ‘extras’ from hook-ups. Lingerie, candles, shaved legs (kidding…sort of.) and all those “beneficial” things should not be wasted on a FWB!”

Lets look at the term FWB

Friends: You like, enjoy and trust that person

Benefits: Receiving emotional and physical attributes from the other person

Fion

January 26th, 2011
10:36 am

Hey, it is what it is. If you Grown and know what you are doing, operative word being “Grown”
go for it if it works for you.
Just sayin, personally speaking there is NO shortage in the ATL for this arrangement if you want it.
Not taliking ’bout the Robert thang, that’s a whole nother show.
There are many women in ATL that have it all, except a great SEX Life and they want that too.
If a FWB relationship fits their life style they embrace it. Nothing wron with that.
Just looking at the #’s alone, there’s got to be to at least 1, 3 or 12 here on this blog. :)

Kym

January 26th, 2011
10:36 am

For Real!!! Where have you been joker???

Da_Man!

January 26th, 2011
10:38 am

In my opinion, Jump-offs are no-drama hook-ups that would not include anything extra/special pre or post encounter.

- Don’t expect me to buy out the bar just to get it poppin’

- Don’t expect me to mind my language … anything goes!

- Don’t expect a warm rag, spooning in bed or some Waffle House afterwards.

- Don’t expect me to contact you 2 days later for idle chit-chat, If I call it’s to get it poppin all over again!

- Don’t share details with your Girlfriends b/c they are going to call you a Jump-off and it sounds a lil Ho-ish when it comes from someone who did’nt get any recently.

- Don’t think, Just run with it!

Celisea

January 26th, 2011
10:39 am

Okay…Da Man…so FWB have/share in what (aside from sex)?

Bill Clinton

January 26th, 2011
10:41 am

I done this many, many times.
It only works if everyone agrees to keep it secret and away from the media.

Celisea

January 26th, 2011
10:41 am

….and if FWB is getting all of the above then ya’ll dating…right?

Kym

January 26th, 2011
10:42 am

Celisea..most of the time in the FWB arrangements I personally know of…there are chats, going out, visits that didn’t involve sex..there was just no formal..this is my man, boo, boyfriend..etc. It was just two consenting adults who on occassion enjoy each other company both in and out of the bedroom.

Leggs

January 26th, 2011
10:43 am

FWB is degrading no matter how you look at it. Just look at da Man’s comments! I would bet this is the mindset of many!

For Real (Step Into My World)

January 26th, 2011
10:43 am

Kym: Wurking hard…. You holding the blog down until I can free up some time?

Celisea: I know you asked DaMan but with me FWB share some things in their lives with each other.

For Real (Step Into My World)

January 26th, 2011
10:45 am

Leggs: He said Jumpoff not FWB

Da_Man!

January 26th, 2011
10:46 am

@Celisea … FWB share/have a friendship. I believe we have certain obligations as a friend/FWB that don’t exist with a Jump-off.

Kym

January 26th, 2011
10:46 am

@For Real..I am only able to pop in from time to time..depending on how the work flows.

@Leggs..I would have to say Da Man is describing a jump off. FWB do actually share something in common. Like For Real said you do share some parts of your life with the other person.

Jessie Jackson

January 26th, 2011
10:46 am

Works for me…

For Real (Step Into My World)

January 26th, 2011
10:46 am

“most of the time in the FWB arrangements I personally know of…there are chats, going out, visits that didn’t involve sex..there was just no formal..this is my man, boo, boyfriend..etc. It was just two consenting adults who on occassion enjoy each other company both in and out of the bedroom.” – Zippppppppp…. For Real now reaching inside for Kym’s prize. I know it’s in here somewhere.

SexyCool

January 26th, 2011
10:47 am

Emotions are the unknown variable in FWB arrangements.

Leggs

January 26th, 2011
10:47 am

Oh, thanks ForReal. Didn’t even see the word!

Da_Man!

January 26th, 2011
10:47 am

@Celisea … but it’s not to judge Good or Bad in either situation. Just pointing out the differences … In my opinion.

Celisea

January 26th, 2011
10:49 am

Celisea..most of the time in the FWB arrangements I personally know of…there are chats, going out, visits that didn’t involve sex..there was just no formal..this is my man, boo, boyfriend..etc. It was just two consenting adults who on occassion enjoy each other company both in and out of the bedroom.

Kym – Gotcha….all the benefits with no expectations or defining. Don’t think I could do it though. I guess a jumpoff’s life gotta be dreb, no talking, dranking, spoonging, nothing…in and out straight to it. Whew

Bill Clinton

January 26th, 2011
10:49 am

I did not have sex with that woman.

For Real (Step Into My World)

January 26th, 2011
10:50 am

“Emotions are the unknown variable in everything” – What up Scool!

TenderRoni

January 26th, 2011
10:50 am

the fwb is why dating has becoming so cumbersome…you think you are dating someone to get to know them well enough to be in a relationship, while the man is in fwb relationship with you.

KCR

January 26th, 2011
10:51 am

There is no such thing as “no strings attached” sex. For FWB to work with me, the friendship needs to not only be there but also must take priority over the benefits. That might mean beating down that caveman at the back of my mind yelling “mine” once that friend has found something more substantial, but even then the friendship must be considered valuable and valued. I do not regret the FWBs that I’ve had.

Celisea

January 26th, 2011
10:52 am

Gotcha…Da Man

For Real, you might not want to admit it but you’re dating :)

For Real (Step Into My World)

January 26th, 2011
10:53 am

“all the benefits with no expectations or defining.” – There are expectations involved anytime you deal with another person so there expectations with FWB. FWB defines the relationship.

BLATino (the rumors of my demise have been GREATLY exagerrated)

January 26th, 2011
10:53 am

WD i’m lovin this topic!!!

IMHO, I think we seem to be talking about two different entities here from the men’s perspective, Jump-Offs and FWB. In my time out in the game, I only had two confirmed friends with benefits where we spent any time together outside the bedroom, but for the most part, everything else is a jump-off.

I think the difficulty with a FWB, particularly from the woman’s side is, if I’m good enough to get nasty with and spend time with outside of that, then why aren’t i good enough to be your girlfriend, or at least discuss it??? Then it becomes decision time for the guy. (…and yes, I know it can be the other way around too)

Leggs

January 26th, 2011
10:54 am

Perhaps not “that woman” but you did with Monica Lewinsky!

For Real (Step Into My World)

January 26th, 2011
10:54 am

Celisea: I know I’m dating but if you are going to date me it involves having sex too.

SexyCool

January 26th, 2011
10:54 am

I agree that the “no strings attached” title is quite the misnomer.

I am attached to my va-jay-jay…and would very much hope that you are attached to your DickJohnson. Although I do understand that there are *stand alone* models available. I crack me up!

‘Sup, F-Real…

Celisea

January 26th, 2011
10:55 am

TenderRoni – I agree, after spending time and being physical, I’m getting attached.

Have anybody ever started as FWB and ended up being in an established relationship?

BlackMagicWoman

January 26th, 2011
10:56 am

Greetings from snowy a$$ NYC!

TWEETY…girl NO! Stop! Do not pass go! Do not collect $220. Do not get invloved in anyone that works with you in any way. Hell I have a strict 5 miles policy. You can not work or live within 10 miles of where I live. That is too close for comfort when things go wrong.

As far as FWB… I was fine with this arrangment until maybe the past few years. I guess a house finally fell on me. It’s no fun if I can’t really feel something for the guy other than lust! Sure it’s a great accelerant! but not enough to keep the fire going but for so long. When I am into somebody, I care more for their pleaseure. I am romantic by nature if I am with someone. It’s kind of hard not want to do the fun things for them that I like!

Celisea

January 26th, 2011
10:57 am

ForReal – Celisea: I know I’m dating but if you are going to date me it involves having sex too.

Yeah….I get that

i'm swiss™

January 26th, 2011
10:57 am

“I have to wonder how Wilt found the time.”

I hear Wilt was quick to the hole, if you know what I mean… :lol:

Fion

January 26th, 2011
10:57 am

@ TenderRoni “the fwb is why dating has becoming so cumbersome”

Hey,dating and being young and single is great. Don’t over think it.
Dating is a like counting Nuclear Weapons. Check, but verify.
Be safe out there and have Fun. Go get’em Tiger!

DreamsMaterialize

January 26th, 2011
10:58 am

Morning
Friends with benefits works for people who want that. The problem is usually that people aren’t honest with themselves or the other person up front.

kimmie

January 26th, 2011
10:59 am

Good morning gang!

4Real – Long time, no hear from, good to read ya!

Princess – Thanks, I am going to check that out!

On topic – I did an FWB thing years ago, a few years out of college. The FWB term was not used then but thinking back, that’s pretty much what it was. We started out dating a little, but he was too big of a player. So I stopped looking at him as boyfriend material, but we had a lot in common and actually liked each other as friends. Occasionally we would hang out, if one needed a date for a party or work event, we could call each other. Every now & then intimacy would take place. It eventually fizzled because I did find myself catching feelings. Then another lady he was seeing got preggers and he married her.

Never did it again though. The way it is being described here it does seem rather cold though.

For Real (Step Into My World)

January 26th, 2011
10:59 am

“I think the difficulty with a FWB, particularly from the woman’s side is, if I’m good enough to get nasty with and spend time with outside of that, then why aren’t i good enough to be your girlfriend, or at least discuss it???” – The decision to have a girlfriend has nothing do with whether or not the chick is “good enough”. The decision to have a girlfriend is all about if the dude wants to be tied down.

DJ Sniper

January 26th, 2011
10:59 am

I’ve done the FWB thing before with no drama at all. One such situation happened when I first moved here. I met her at a party and found out she was going through a divorce, so she wasn’t looking for any permanent attachment. Sex was definitely on the agenda, but we developed a friendship beyond that. I used to do laundry at her place (my apartment at the time didn’t have W/D connections), and I got pretty cool with both of her kids. We ended the arrangement when she got back with one of her boyfriends, but we’re still friends to this day.

Celisea

January 26th, 2011
11:00 am

For Real – “all the benefits with no expectations or defining.” – There are expectations involved anytime you deal with another person so there expectations with FWB. FWB defines the relationship.

Okay okay I got it….that (FWB) IS the relationship.

kimmie

January 26th, 2011
11:01 am

Although I do understand that there are *stand alone* models available.

SCool – Yes, you crack me up too!!LOL!!

Blackfoote

January 26th, 2011
11:02 am

Good Morning:

This is a no brainer it may work out for some but for the majority it’s viewed as distasteful never tried it but there are sharks circuling in the water…………….No I’m not that on guy the first page thank goodness.

Celisea

January 26th, 2011
11:02 am

I’ve done the friendship turned relationship…sex after exclusitivity but not the sex while friends….nothing more or less

BLATino (the rumors of my demise have been GREATLY exagerrated)

January 26th, 2011
11:04 am

@ForReal…. a BIG reason for not wanting to be tied down is that you know instantly that the girl isn’t “the one”, but she’ll do for now….

Celisea

January 26th, 2011
11:04 am

Blackfoote – but for the majority it’s viewed as distasteful never tried it

You’re right…I’ve always “downed” it even though I’ve never tried it but that’s because I feel like it’s the woman that’s going to end up with the short end of the stick. Sort of like going all in and then asking or wondering what or if indeed something more will ever be.

TenderRoni

January 26th, 2011
11:05 am

I think fwb is just a nice way to say we $ucking…because it has the word friend in it. No one wants to hear Oh, lets just $uck!. Its a sugar-coated farce of a relationship.

Celisea

January 26th, 2011
11:06 am

Blantino – BIG reason for not wanting to be tied down is that you know instantly that the girl isn’t “the one”, but she’ll do for now….

So we go back….is that not “using” a person. Just because she spent a few hours or activity outside the bedroom and aside from sex, you still saw her pretty much for what you could get and knew you’d move on eventually. I’m sure the woman is not thinking along these lines.

SexyCool

January 26th, 2011
11:06 am

I admit to entering into this type of relationship. I just don’t think the “no strings” of it all typifies this sort of arrangement.

As is proven by several posts that allude to successful FWB arrangements, it is stated that “we are still cool” or various words to that effect.

Sounds like a string to me.

Kym

January 26th, 2011
11:06 am

Okay can I ask a question of the peanut gallery? Has anyone out there had sex with someone before titles were established..in other words after whatever formal period of time you have preset before getting busy with a dude or dudette..did the two of you formal sit down and say..I take you to be my boyfriend/girlfriend or something? or was the relationship established first.

For Real (Step Into My World)

January 26th, 2011
11:06 am

Kimmie: I’m coming to wedding I’m going to be your drunk cuzzo that barrows money and likka from yall.

“the fwb is why dating has becoming so cumbersome…you think you are dating someone to get to know them well enough to be in a relationship, while the man is in fwb relationship with you.” – 1st FWB is a relationship. 2nd Not sure how FWB interferes with getting to know someone 3rd If the “relationship” you want is marriage you should state that in the beginning and that will cut down on your confusion.

abc

January 26th, 2011
11:09 am

There are plenty of chicks that take something of a man’s approach to it. Now, they may wind up being 40-50 and single, with way over 100 men they’ve been with, and in that regard less desirable to a man than ever for any purposes other than benefits… but that’s a lifestyle choice that many women make. I know some. It’s kind of sad for them, especially now that they’re thinking that they’ve missed the boat.

kimmie

January 26th, 2011
11:10 am

Did any of you catch this story on Q100 this morning?:

A lady called in that is about 7 months pregnant from a one night stand. She started dating her now boyfriend when she was about 6 weeks pregnant. She told him after a few dates that she was pregnant by the 1 night stand and she understood if he didn’t want to see her again. He not only wanted to continue to see her, he said he wants to help her raise the child as his own and has told his parents and everyone he is the daddy. She said she’s cool with that and has not even told her own parents that he’s not the bio dad. She called in to ask for advice. She said she could definitely see herself married to this guy but suppose they break up? Does she still have to let him be a part of the baby’s life? Oh and she has not told the bio dad. She said it was truly a 1 night stand and she has not heard from him since and doesn’t think he will care if she’s pregnant or not.

BLATino (the rumors of my demise have been GREATLY exagerrated)

January 26th, 2011
11:11 am

@Celisea – of course it is. That’s what I was alluding to in my first post. Although I’m still cool with both of my FWB’s, in both cases it became clear later on that they agreed to be FWB hoping I’d come around and make it more serious, while I was happy to just enjoy the moment. Sometimes it’s better to just have jump-offs and be done with it.

For Real (Step Into My World)

January 26th, 2011
11:12 am

Blat: “a BIG reason for not wanting to be tied down is that you know instantly that the girl isn’t “the one”, but she’ll do for now…” – It has absolutely nothing to do with the girl period. It’s a simple choice of freedom vs none freedom.

kimmie

January 26th, 2011
11:12 am

4Real – Come on, join the par-tay!!!!

Ted Kennedy

January 26th, 2011
11:13 am

I’ll drink to that….

Simple Man!!! Back in the Building!!!!

January 26th, 2011
11:14 am

Lets see…..FWB among grown folks that are making choices with their eyes open…..Yeah..thats a good thing!!!

BTW Whats up folks Hope everyone is well!!! (Especially Ared :D )

Da_Man!

January 26th, 2011
11:16 am

@BLATino … FWB is like renting the house in opposed to buying. Alot less sacrifices and obligations than dating. FWB shouldn’t lead you down the path of thinking …

“if I’m good enough to get nasty with and spend time with outside of that, then why aren’t i good enough to be your girlfriend”

In a fair FWB sex can be removed from the relationship and without any neg fall-out. I don’t think holding sex hostage in a relationship will work out well.

DJ Sniper

January 26th, 2011
11:16 am

Kym, that’s happened to me before. I met a chick in a club one night, and we went back to her place afterwards and got down. I was able to get back in touch with her a few weeks later and we hooked up a few more times. We both were digging each other for more than just sex, so we ended up making things official. We didn’t last, but we’re still good friends.

BLATino (the rumors of my demise have been GREATLY exagerrated)

January 26th, 2011
11:17 am

ForReal – I’ll give you that. A man does love his freedom, and most of us don’t give it up without a fight.

Celisea

January 26th, 2011
11:17 am

Blatino – Your 11:11, exactly. You admitted to what I’ve always believed and for that reason could never enter into that type of agreement.

Folks do it but sometimes not honest in how they’re hoping it will go or not honest about their feelngs involved or can’t control catching feelngs. Truthfully, I’ve never had sex prior to establishing something solid because honestly I didn’t want to be in the position of wanting or hoping for more but felt I couldn’t ask or could ask but the answer would be hey you knew what it was

DreamsMaterialize

January 26th, 2011
11:18 am

the fwb is why dating has becoming so cumbersome
Tenderoni Dating isn’t cumbersome at all. Be honest with yourself about what you want (don’t want) and make that clear to the person you’re dealing with.

Has anyone out there had sex with someone before titles were established
Kym yep. I’m thinking most people probably have.

Leggs

January 26th, 2011
11:18 am

@Blackfoote ~ funny you felt the need to clear up your name. I thought about it, but knew it wasn’t you!

@Kym ~ I think we all have had sex at some point in our lives before a title was established.

@kimmie ~ I was hoping you were listening (Q100). One of the more interesting questions asked of her rested on whether this man would pay child support if they should break up since he’s insisting on raising the child as their own. If they should break up, this child would be the only father he knows and given the age, the courts probably would lean in her favor.

DJ Sniper

January 26th, 2011
11:19 am

Kimmie, that’s a very interesting story. More power to him, but I can’t say I would have stuck around once I found out she was pregnant. It has nothing to do with judging her for being in that situation, but I can’t say I’d want a kid to be part of a relationship that just got started.

Celisea

January 26th, 2011
11:19 am

Da Man – In a fair FWB sex can be removed from the relationship and without any neg fall-out. I don’t think holding sex hostage in a relationship will work out well.

Now this I can agree with and this it is the one component most can’t have. Going back to being friends void of sex and still really cool. No ill feelings or ill will.

For Real (Step Into My World)

January 26th, 2011
11:19 am

Celisea: Show me one relationship between two humans that doesn’t involve using the other person? I’ll go back to my first post “The problem with FWB is women think they are the only ones that has benefits to offer.”

Kimmie: If they marry and the baby is born while they are and they break up, then courts will make him pay child support but he will not have any rights to see the child unless he adopts the child.

Bill Clinton

January 26th, 2011
11:22 am

Since I have no morals, I support this.

Celisea

January 26th, 2011
11:22 am

For Real – Maybe we should define “using”. When I think in terms of using a person it’s where one benefits off the other with no return. When I think of benefits it’s more of an interaction where the outcome or fall out compliments and enhances both parties involved.

Wondering ?

January 26th, 2011
11:23 am

Is this blog still reserved for unemployed gay men that live in their parent’s basement?

For Real (Step Into My World)

January 26th, 2011
11:23 am

“When I think of benefits it’s more of an interaction where the outcome or fall out compliments and enhances both parties involved.” – So what’s your problem with FWB again?

DreamsMaterialize

January 26th, 2011
11:23 am

both cases it became clear later on that they agreed to be FWB hoping I’d come around and make it more serious, while I was happy to just enjoy the moment.
BLAT So, how were you using her if she agreed to do the FWB thing? She should have been honest about what she wanted. Now if you kept stringing her along after you knew she felt diffrently, then that’s a little bit different. I’d still say you weren’t using her though. A person can’t use you…you allow yourself to be used.

Leggs

January 26th, 2011
11:24 am

Hello BLATino! Nice that you’re visiting again!

Mr Kinte

January 26th, 2011
11:25 am

Hey Everybody…

I think in all things, it really depends on the two people. I do believe one of the major issues with relationships between two people no matter what sex they are is really the social conception. People want to be married because it’s socially acceptable. Living together or FWB is not so they have issue with it. However, it all depends on what you believe in as well. Since FWB is not socially acceptable, like buying a home or acquiring a new electronic gadget such as a TV or computer, we know feel we have to keep everything a secret and make excuses for why we do one thing or not the other.

I say everybody should make the decision that’s best for them and stop lying to yourself that the first person you spend some significant amount of time is truly the one for you for life. The divorce rates would drop tremendously. Sometimes, people are good for you only for a season and some are lifelong friends.

Q: Even in marriage, isn’t the goal to be great friends first? And if that is true, aren’t even the married folks truly FWB…..some just have more benefits than others….

Kym

January 26th, 2011
11:25 am

I know I tend to share only but so much on here. But here goes.. A great deal of my aversion to commitment–has to do with trust issues. I simply can not go all in to trust like I did in my past. It doesn’t make me think like a man, or date like a man..or whateva other nonsense is floating out there. It flat out means that while I have the capacity to trust, I have yet to break thru the barrier that will allow me to trust. Now I could either sit around as Bitter Bernice or Looney Loni Or I could continue to live my life. I choose to live my life and act accordingly. It is why I could/can find comfort in being with someone who already knew me. Who in some ways gets me, and who is not asking or expecting more than what I have the capacity to give at this present time. Hence I can say a long-term relationship may work well for me as oppose to marriage.

Celisea

January 26th, 2011
11:29 am

For Real – FWB ain’t exclusive that’s the problem. As mentioned today most that have done seemed satisfied with the interaction and intimacy but with FWB you can freely “compliment and enhance” many others…no strings attached. I could too but then we get into a woman getting stretched too thin and passed around much. You don’t see how that can be a problem for a woman…surely you do.

HotMess

January 26th, 2011
11:29 am

dating (getting to know someone)+ sex while dating/no execlusivity= fwb. it is what it be…carry on!

Da_Man!

January 26th, 2011
11:30 am

@Celisea … The only monkey-wrench in my theory is if the sex was shooting sparks out yo azz GREAT. Removing the sex from that FWB situation should be strongly re-considered.

Also, is it FWB if the sex is BLAAAAAAH???

i'm swiss™

January 26th, 2011
11:30 am

“Is this blog still reserved for unemployed gay men that live in their parent’s basement?”

Yes it is, Wondering. Come on in & make yourself at home, queen.

Blackfoote

January 26th, 2011
11:31 am

That’s great Celisea I see a lot of other ladies feel the same. Although it takes two for this type of relationship I’m prone to believe that the feamle is some way scorned, emotionless, or mentally battered and this is not to put any down but it seem that if she is receptive to this relationship she is without emotion at the least. The brother is just without scruples it’s all in the game for him.

Leggs:

You know I saw what dude was saying and I’m blowing steam out my ears and nose……had to rectify that…..LOL

Raqi V

January 26th, 2011
11:31 am

Kimmie, I am wondering why she wouldn’t want the man to remain the father of the child. Heck he is stepping in taking on a responsibility that he doesn’t have to, why would she deny him and the child that relationship.

I doubt if she ever tells the child the real truth about how it came to be, so why not let the child have a dad if the man freely wants to be the dad.

That’s just crazy for folks to think like she is thinking. I don’t even see why she called in for advice on something like that. That guy is one in almost a million.

One of my friends and I were talking about Heidi Klum and Seal one day. We were saying we bet a bunch of women turned him down at some point, but look at that guy. He took on the responsibility of another man’s child and from what I have read her say he is a great dad and husband.

You aren’t going to find many men like that. So many are running away from and dodging the responsibility and care of their own blood babies, to have a guy willing to step in and be the dad is honorable.

Kym

January 26th, 2011
11:34 am

@Celisea..so your problem is the title. And I would say you are not alone. We have already had the blog discussion on titles..where we have established that some folks have to have a title to go along with their relationship..they can’t just say we have a friendly relationship..or lawd forbid a sexual relationship. How about we take sex out of the convo for a second and look at the other benefits. Like kimmie mention she had a friend they went to parties together, some go for happy hour, work functions, movies..etc. No sex just entertainment. Benefit is is the companionship without the pressure.

kimmie

January 26th, 2011
11:34 am

Dreams – I agree with you, too many are not up front with what they want. A lot are afraid they will scare the person off, when really they don’t “have” them to begin with. Why not just state up front what you are looking for & then let the chips fall where they may.

Sniper – I thought about that as I was listening – you are starting out a relationship with a baby and an unborn one at that. A lot to take in all at once.

Leggs/others – The whole child support thing was the first thing to hit my mind as she was talking about it. But the main thing was – WHY ARE YOU HAVING UNPROTECTED SEX WITH A ONE NIGHT STAND????

Celisea

January 26th, 2011
11:34 am

Blackfoote – I agree with your 11:31

BlackMagicWoman

January 26th, 2011
11:35 am

KIMMIE…that trick is stupid. If you wanna do the Skanky Panky…make him wrap up his wanky! Nio kids should have to suffer because it’s parents were being children while doing and adult activity! Beisdes…with all these diseases out there I am scared to kiss a dude…so how the hell can you raw dog someone these days? Snoop put it best…”ain’t no lovin’ good enough to get burned while I’m up in it”!

“Dating isn’t cumbersome at all. Be honest with yourself about what you want (don’t want) and make that clear to the person you’re dealing with.”

DREAMS..of course that would spare a lot of drama. But dudes don;t want be upfront because they are afraid she won’t give up a$$! Stopp being a puddy while trying get the puddy. As ABC said…there are plenty of women who are down for FWB. Don’t go playing witht ht hearts of those that aren’t because you wanna nut! Not only are you messing her up for future men by making her bitter and giving her trust issues. But if she snaps and breaks your car windows and put sugar in your gas tank…you have no one to blame but yourself for putting the ball in motion! For example: A Thin Line Between Love and Hate. Martin got what deserved. Although she took it bit too far when she messed with others. But it stemmed from his lack of honesty!

Uh oh….TROLL ALERT! :lol:

Leggs

January 26th, 2011
11:38 am

@Raqi V ~ I don’t know why she called in for advice either.

Kym

January 26th, 2011
11:38 am

Like Mr. Kinte(welcome..pick up a blog vest on your way pass the sign in table..you gonna need it) said it is about what is socially acceptable.

Raqi V

January 26th, 2011
11:38 am

Leggs, I was listening to a radio talk show on 640 one morning on the way to work a few years back where a man called in that was not the biological father of a child but he was fighting in the courts for visitation rights to the child. He raised it from like 1 month old being married to the mother. He agreed to pay child support because as far as he was concerned that is his child.

If I remember correctly some strife built up between he and the mother after the divorce so she tried to use the child not being his by blood as a reason to keep him from seeing it. I think at the time his case had not been settled but people were calling in support of him. Those type of men are commendable.

kimmie

January 26th, 2011
11:39 am

Raqi – I agree, he is exceptional. I was watching something on tv once, about how a lot of men find pregnant women very attractive and will get with her even though she’s carrying another man’s child.

I actually thought about the Seal situation too – they are very happy.

Celisea

January 26th, 2011
11:39 am

Kym – 11:34…I’d say some but not all because I believe dudes will go in all “exclusive” if that what it takes…if he’s that kind of dude. But yeah, I want to be “in” something and know and understand that we’re on the same page. Too, because usually I go in deep and hard and frankly not cut from the cloth of getting together when it’s convenient or when a dude is wanting to cut. I mean in an established relationship I’m good and encourage us being apart as much as together as I think it’s healthy but under commitment, I’m expecting trust. I good from day one (of exclusitivity) in throwing all caution to the wind and letting that thing take us where ever. I’m good in pleasing and satisfying but I cannot do it (knowingly) alongside other woment or the (knowingly) the possibility of various others.

BLATino (the rumors of my demise have been GREATLY exagerrated)

January 26th, 2011
11:40 am

**LEGGS! It’s good to be back roaming the halls.** The names have changed but the theme stays the same.

@Dreams – That was my feeling, but as you can see the females’ point of view can often differ from my own.

Raqi V

January 26th, 2011
11:41 am

I think in the case I heard on the radio the child was around 10 at the time. How do you take a child from a parent after 10 years?

Celisea

January 26th, 2011
11:42 am

Kym – Oh, and taking sex out of the equation, I can do that all day long…I have a couple of friends that serve in that capacity. Kick it, hang out do things…nothing more or less.

DreamsMaterialize

January 26th, 2011
11:43 am

But dudes don;t want be upfront because they are afraid she won’t give up a$$!
BMW These dudes are cowards at best. The only way they can get puddy is to lie their way into the draws. They have self-esteem issues and should be avoided at all costs. lol

Snoop put it best…”ain’t no lovin’ good enough to get burned while I’m up in it”!
BMW This reminds me of something that happened this morning. So, I’m walking down the street and I hear this cat singing. I’m still kinda far away, so I can’t make out the words but I can tell dude has a nice voice. He’s singing real passionately, sounds like a ballad. As a get closer and can make out the words I hear:

“cuz IIIIIII have never met a girlllllllll, tha-attttt I love in the whole wide worlddddddd…”

Dude had turned some ol skool snoop into a Donnie Hathaway ballad. LOL

Celisea

January 26th, 2011
11:43 am

BMW – Love your 11:35….lol

DreamsMaterialize

January 26th, 2011
11:47 am

That was my feeling, but as you can see the females’ point of view can often differ from my own.
BLAT man it wouldn’t be the blog if that wasn’t the case. lol

Robert

January 26th, 2011
11:47 am

My Weekend Plans – Today is Wednesday the start of my weekend and I usually have lunch with a good female married friend. We will stop at a restaurant of her choice and order the food for carryout and return to my Buckhead Condo. We both work late often, which is her excuse to her husband. We will talk about her life while eating. Hopefully ,she is feeling comfortable and is ready for lustful sex which she is not getting at home and I am more than happy to satisfy her sexual needs. We enjoy each others company and return to work around 4:00pm.

Thursday – Ladies Night, I will invite another married female friend out for happy hour drinks & food. We are from the same hometown (DC) and we both love to hand dance/step at the oldies but goodies night spots. We will dance the night away and return to my Buckhead Condo for a nightcap (wine/sex).

Friday – Boys Night Out, My brother is flying in from DC and we will have dinner and find the best clubs. My brother has several female friends in ATL and they will come and pick him up.

Saturday – Back to “Friends with Benefits”

For Real (Step Into My World)

January 26th, 2011
11:47 am

“I could too but then we get into a woman getting stretched too thin and passed around much. You don’t see how that can be a problem for a woman…surely you do.” – It only becomes a problem when the man you want to be in a exclusive relationship has a problem with your number.

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 26th, 2011
11:48 am

My peace -

I state my intentions (when known) and allow her to make her an informed decision.

If she’s with it, cool; if not, cool too.

Celisea

January 26th, 2011
11:50 am

For Real – It only becomes a problem when the man you want to be in a exclusive relationship has a problem with your number.

Agreed and in most cases. So since I ain’t into raising the count what, should I be happy with my one and only FWB while his numbers are off the chart? See, just not a good thing/fit for a woman unless under certain circumstances as mentioned by Blackfoote.

DreamsMaterialize

January 26th, 2011
11:50 am

I state my intentions (when known) and allow her to make her an informed decision.
Dan Agreed. Honesty up front and accountability on the back end…for both parties.

Kym

January 26th, 2011
11:51 am

But Celisea..I did say some. Because what works for one will not work for all.

@Blackfoote since you are apparently going to hold down the “deacon” postion today..yeah dude I am calling you out. I have yet to find one woman who has commented on this title say that they felt used or passed around. Because again when consenting adults(keyword adults) seem to have a set idea of this type of relationship works for them then the only folks who have problem seem to be those who can’t seem to get pass the sex aspect of the relationship..makes me wonder who really has the dirty mind.

Celisea

January 26th, 2011
11:53 am

Kym – Agreed

BlackMagicWoman

January 26th, 2011
11:58 am

DREAMS…yes these dudes should be avaoided. Thing is… alot of them have had so much practice with Project Puddy Deception…that they can fool even the smartest women.

I am cracking up at the man singing. That is like turning Luke into Frank Sinatra! :lol:
“Pop that c00chie…pop pop… that c00chie! :lol:

ROBERT…I curse you. May it burn when you pee, and may every erection flee. :lol:

FOR REAL….”It only becomes a problem when the man you want to be in a exclusive relationship has a problem with your number” My number is none of his business….only my STD Negative Status is. I don’t want to know how many women a mna has been with. That is childish. We are both addults with pasts/ The only reason that shoudl be a problem is if one of the numbers gave him a gift that keeps on giving. In that case….that is some loving he can keep, whether it’s 1 woman or 100 women!

TenderRoni

January 26th, 2011
11:59 am

@BMW- I like your 11:35 post too. You elborated more than I could.

I am up front with my intentions..but I can’t say the same for men. At the point you know you don’t want a relationship with the woman, take accountability and leave her alone, don’t wiggle your words to still have emotional attachment with her, so she can be there for you.

Leggs

January 26th, 2011
12:00 pm

@Raqi V ~ those men should be commendable. Demi/God/Alvin was like that. PoppaG may pipe in and help me out, but in the case of the man raising the child as his own and then divorcing and balking at child spport, I believe the courts will deem him obligated to pay child support. It’s the only life style the child knows (him as his father and being in his live supporting him), so he should continue doing so until the child is 18. The child should not suffer because you’re no longer with its mother. You took on the role as his father from birth; therefore, you can continue until he reaches 18. I’m not saying this man is one of those, I just remember a case similar to this.

Am I barking up the right tree, PoppaG?

Raqi V

January 26th, 2011
12:06 pm

Did any of you catch Oprah yesterday? When I woke from my nap I caught tail end of the show where there were two couples that were married and both discovered they were gay. Or better yet wanted to be gay.

The one couple that the grand-godmother and I were talking about was the couple the exclaimed over and over again that they had a happy marriage at the time of the discovery. I asked her a question jokingly about how it seems that these days being sexually attracted to your husband or wife plays no part in being happily married to them. LOL

I mean really is that even possible? Can a man and a woman be in a happy relationship and not be sexually attracted to each other? And even better yet, they BOTH proclaimed to being gay while married to each other. I guess they could have been happy together without being sexually attracted to each being that they really weren’t requiring any type of sexual intimacy from the other. There was not room for either to feel unloved or neglected in that area when the desire nor expectations were there.

For Real (Step Into My World)

January 26th, 2011
12:06 pm

“should I be happy with my one and only FWB while his numbers are off the chart?” – Not sure I understand the point here. When it comes to number 1 may be too much for some but can you example further?

Raqi V

January 26th, 2011
12:11 pm

balking at child spport, I believe the courts will deem him obligated to pay child support

Leggs, I don’t doubt that the courts would make him pay. I think there was something in the news not too long ago about the man finding out after the fact that the child his wife gave birth to during their marriage was not his. They divorced after the child was several years because he found out it was not his. However the courts made him pay because he not only signed the birth certificate but he had raised the child as his.

I can only imagine the hurt that would bring to a man in finding out a child he thought was his for years and raised as his turns out not to be, but how can anyone at the drop of a hat unlove a child like that. Children are innocent.

I imagine too that the guy recently in the news was more concerned with making the mother pay for what she did, but why hurt the child?

Celisea

January 26th, 2011
12:15 pm

For Real – Just plain ole speaking…..maybe I’m mistaken and surely not the one to speak to any of this but I’m thinking she’s got the FWB thing going on and that may be her only thing (physical) she’s got going on. I mean I can’t see (and I might to the left) of having several FWB going on at once (that don’t seem cool…IMO), but let’s say he’s her only FWB where she’s wishing and hoping for more while he’s got several. Should she pretend she’s cool with that…him being her one and only (albeit FWB) while he entertains as he wish under this “understanding”

Rell - Limited Edition

January 26th, 2011
12:15 pm

@LOL…@ROBERT…sounds good player …you need more people

Kym

January 26th, 2011
12:16 pm

Okay wait did I miss something? When you folks meet a new guy you immediately stop dating, talking etc..with every other guy you know? I mean you immediately become exclusive to only this new guy?

Celisea

January 26th, 2011
12:19 pm

No…not when you met a new guy…you don’t drop, stop talking or dating others. You don’t do that when you’re dating someone exclusive. You still have friends. However, I for one ain’t sexing but one at a time. So, I was asking about the FWB…I guess I should ask do women have several FWBs….cause we know men do.

For Real (Step Into My World)

January 26th, 2011
12:20 pm

“but how can anyone at the drop of a hat unlove a child like that. Children are innocent.” – It’s not about “unloving the child” it’s about “un-being forced to pay for a child that is not yours”.

kimmie

January 26th, 2011
12:20 pm

Raqi – Folks are off the charts these days with what THEY define or accept as marriage! Yesterday on Michael Baisden they were talking about open marriage and had a couple that had such an arrangement. The wife said it started when her hubby came home and told her he was falling in love with another woman. She said she agreed to the open thing because it beat losing her husband. It didn’t sound like they had any kids, though I came in after the show started. She said if your hubby is wanting to get with other women, that’s nothing to break up over. She said they both not only slept with others, but they spent the night with others, went on vacation with others and I think she said her hubby spent the entire summer with another woman! The hubby came on and talked some. Baisden asked if they made it a rule to always use condoms when they slept with others and he said NO! He said they “have” gotten tested with others, but yeah, they go raw with others! It sounded like hubby was having a ball and although wife claimed to be all for it, she came off to me like she was desperate to hold on to him and is forcing herself to go along with it.

It was wild to hear, though. I think it was a bit much even for Baisden!

Celisea

January 26th, 2011
12:22 pm

You don’t do that when you’re dating someone exclusive….well the dating you stop but life continues. But we’re not talking about exclusive we’re talking about women that do the FWB thing.

Blackfoote

January 26th, 2011
12:23 pm

KYM:

My dear I am far from being a deacon….LOL……..I think everyone have a rigth to be in what kind of situation they want to be involved in but if it’s just sexual I’ll make this analogy. My grandma washed my mouth out with soap once because I spurted out the word lie in a conversation. But had I said that word when she wasn’t around I would have been spaired the humiliation for a six year old. Now if we gon do the do with no emotion involved then tell me why would it even be neccessary to do it. I understand you have trust issues right now but didn’t mom or grandma tell you at some point that being sexual is emotional for girls.

BMW:

LOL……..you put a curse on that dude?……..LOL

DreamsMaterialize

January 26th, 2011
12:23 pm

but how can anyone at the drop of a hat unlove a child like that.
Raqi you can’t. If you can, then I’d say you didn’t really love them to begin with. People need to stop playing around with kids’ lives. They don’t realize how much these things are affecting the children and influencing the adults they’ll grow to be. Kids didn’t ask to be here, and alot of the things these parents are doing is setting these kids up for failure in a world they didn’t ask to be in. Shame on them.

When you folks meet a new guy you immediately stop dating, talking etc..with every other guy you know?
Kym I always assume she has other guys in her life when I meet her, in one capacity or another.

For Real (Step Into My World)

January 26th, 2011
12:24 pm

“Should she pretend she’s cool with that…him being her one and only (albeit FWB) while he entertains as he wish under this “understanding” – If he states up front that she is and will not be his only FWB and she agrees to FWB, then yes should be cool with her decision. If he lies and tell her she is his only FWB, then should be pissed off and should reconsider her decision to consider him as Friend at all.

Raqi V

January 26th, 2011
12:24 pm

When you folks meet a new guy you immediately stop dating, talking etc..with every other guy you know?

Kym, that kinda what I was thinking. Many people do date more than one person at a time and have sexual relations with some or each of them.

A lot of examples that I have read here where many stated they were FWB sounds much like folks just dating with being exclusive to one person.

Just because it may not be the way I have done (multiple sexual partners) I do understand that it is the norm for many.

Or is that what you are talking about? I have been skip reading. LOL

I think most cases are truly “just dating” situations. Fluckbuddy don’t really hangout or accompany each other to outside events. Those that do are pretty much doing what people that date are doing hence putting them in the category of dating even though the are not admitting to it.

Celisea

January 26th, 2011
12:24 pm

Too Kim….if folks do drop everything upon meeting a new guy, is it not within their rights to do? You always say everybody ain’t the same and it shouldn’t be a thing incredible or unbelievable just because it’s not something another would or wouldn’t do.

SexyCool

January 26th, 2011
12:24 pm

Sometimes, I have to give Bais.den the side-eye on the bllsht that he airs on his show.

He *seems* to be pushing this *swinger/open relationship* agenda under the guise of “starting a conversation about the state of relationships today.”

When really, it just has the grimey feel of promoting the lifestyle and attempting to persuade people into accepting the idea of being into that.

Da_Man!

January 26th, 2011
12:25 pm

Wow … Robert has an eventful weekend, you sure you’re not letting your palm live vicariously through a fictional character. It’s okay if you are, nothing wrong with a “beautiful mind”.

Celisea

January 26th, 2011
12:27 pm

Got it For Real.

Everbody is different and have a right to do as believe is best for you.

For Real (Step Into My World)

January 26th, 2011
12:27 pm

“I guess I should ask do women have several FWBs….cause we know men do.” – Yes some women do have multiple FWBs. This too should be obvious to you.

Celisea

January 26th, 2011
12:28 pm

Robert…just wow….you even sound kind of excited

Leggs

January 26th, 2011
12:30 pm

Now if we gon do the do with no emotion involved then tell me why would it even be neccessary to do it. Yeah, someone shed light on this wonderful question!!!

Raqi V

January 26th, 2011
12:30 pm

Kimmie, I know there are people out there with open relationships, but those couples on Oprah were not in open relationships. They actually divorced after both “realizing” they were gay. The scratching of my head was about the being happily married yet having no sexual attraction for your spouse. The one thing many, many couples break up over. The lack of desired intimacy.

The couples on Oprah had children and they said how although the mother lived with her woman and the father lived with his man, they were one big ole happy family and there was never any love lost between the two.
I just find that odd. LOL I have heard of situations where one spouse may pull away and say they have felt attraction for the same sex for years, but for both to say they are gay is just weird.

kimmie

January 26th, 2011
12:32 pm

He *seems* to be pushing this *swinger/open relationship* agenda under the guise of “starting a conversation about the state of relationships today.”

SCool – Glad to know I’m not the only one that sees this! Somedays, I have to change the station. He is so obvious, he practically foams at the mouth over this stuff. If he’s cool with it, fine, but he tries to act like if anyone else doesn’t care for it, something is wrong with them or they are a prude! He had this show on basically dogging women who were unemployed but would not strip to make money!

SexyCool

January 26th, 2011
12:33 pm

The saddest part about the whole *Robert* scenario…(for some reason, Rickey Smiley’s “We Miss Robert” keeps playing in my head)…is that once he actually finds someone that he can really be into or once he gets old and tired and actually doesn’t want to wake up alone on a regular basis or once his DickJohnson falls off, he will be so jaded and mistrusting and carry so much negative energy that a real relationship will never have an opportunity to thrive.

So, while he thinks he’s KingSht right about now, in the long run, this lifestyle is probably not going to look so pretty.

Karma is a mean, unforgiving bytch.

Raqi V

January 26th, 2011
12:34 pm

If you can, then I’d say you didn’t really love them to begin with.

DreamsMat, I agree. How is it the love was all strong and active as long as you thought the child is yours, but when you find out it’s not that love rapidly diminishes? That I just don’t get. Like you said it could not have been there in the beginning.

And then some folks are just so selfish they don’t care who the hurt. The mother for lying to the man, and the man for coldhearted disowning his child.

DreamsMaterialize

January 26th, 2011
12:34 pm

Now if we gon do the do with no emotion involved then tell me why would it even be neccessary to do it.
Blackfoote People have sex because it’s “necessary”, they do it because the want to…because there’s still pleasure involved. No emotions doesn’t mean no pleasure…for most.

kimmie

January 26th, 2011
12:34 pm

Raqi – That is crazy, that both would come to that realization. Wonders never cease!

Blackfoote

January 26th, 2011
12:35 pm

ROBERT…I curse you. May it burn when you pee, and may every erection flee.

This will have me cracking up all day……..LOL

Raqi V

January 26th, 2011
12:35 pm

kimmie and SexyCool, I could never really listen to that guy. He comes off as a real arsewipe.

Kym

January 26th, 2011
12:35 pm

@Blackfoote..I am not sure how your grandmother and soap got in the convo. But I can assure you that again there is more to a FWB relationship than just sex but since that seems to be the only aspect you choose to focus on and since I can speak for only me, myself and I. I am far from the swooning southern belle when it comes to sex. Can I have sex for sex sake yes..does it make me some how void of emotions no.

I’m an adult..I tend to try to seek the attention and spend time with men who act like adults..which means if I say I am only going to be able to give this much at this time and he states he is only going to be able to give this much at this time. No one is worried about if the other person is going to fall madly in love. As a matter of fact if one does begin to have these feelings they should be able to as an adult refer back to the original conversation and express these new found feelings as adults. I am sure there are men folks and women folks out there who lack the capacity to have this type of conversation but I tend to stick with those I know who have the ability to handle a relationship like this.

Da_Man!

January 26th, 2011
12:35 pm

@Leggs … you may be mixing up “emotions”. I’m thinking no emotions = no attachments (girlfriend/boyfriend … dating). However, emotions like passion and/or lust for doing the do is always going to bet there.

BlackMagicWoman

January 26th, 2011
12:36 pm

“I guess I should ask do women have several FWBs….cause we know men do.”

Hell no…my puddy ain’t the goverment cheese line! I don’t shell it out to just anybody because he smiled and took on a date. I am very Puddy Selective! That is why FWB don’t work for me. A quick nut is not worth my time. Just because men want to be nasty h0es and dip the stick in anything born female with a pulse does not mean I should do the same. I don’t want just any fool up “in” Woman’s Land!

“It’s not about “unloving the child” it’s about “un-being forced to pay for a child that is not yours”.

In the case of a cheating wife…no the ex-husband should not have to pay. But if he is morally sound he would not want the child to suffer because the mom is a slut! Now if the man knew from the getty up that the kids wasn;t his and yet he saigned on to be dad. Then just like the Marine’s tattoo (USMC) in this case that stands for “You Signed Motherxxxxing Contract). No honor it. Because it is no longer about her. Its about the kids you agreed to raise as yours. If you adpot a kid…you can’t just give it back years later because you no longer want to be a parent!

KIMMIE…that woman digusts me! How pathetic can you be to chuck your pride and self love aside just to keep a man that does not love or respect you? When she gets some disease and she is alone…because trust he will finally be the one to say he no longer wants to be married to her…she might go off the deep end. She could end up Snapped!

Celisea

January 26th, 2011
12:38 pm

BMW – Hell no…my puddy ain’t the goverment cheese line! I don’t shell it out to just anybody because he smiled and took on a date. I am very Puddy Selective! That is why FWB don’t work for me. A quick nut is not worth my time.

Thanks…good knowing I’m not the only abnormal person blogging…LOL

SexyCool

January 26th, 2011
12:38 pm

Yeah…No…I don’t listen to Bais.den all that often, but most every time I do, it feels kinda slimey.

BlackMagicWoman

January 26th, 2011
12:38 pm

BLACKFOOTE…I sure did. After all…I did win the Blog Award for “Most Likely to Live up to my Blog Persona”! :lol:

Raqi V

January 26th, 2011
12:39 pm

he will be so jaded and mistrusting

SexyCool, you are right. He will be the very guy that starts to think women want him just for his money. LOL

When truly in actuality he does not realize that right now doing what he is doing he is buying sex. Makes you wonder is that the only way he can get it.

I am not trying to throw jabs at him or anything but he is bragging about getting sex by helping his ‘friends’ out financially, that’s just buying sex. Hell he don’t realize he is the one being used.

Truly a “player” getting played.

Celisea

January 26th, 2011
12:39 pm

I used to listen to Mike Baisden back in the day when he first hit the scene but he’s become so jaded that I can’t stomach him for more than 5 minutes or so.

DJ Sniper

January 26th, 2011
12:39 pm

To answer Kym’s question: I don’t advise immediately dropping everybody else as soon as you meet someone new. Whenever I met a new woman, I assumed that she had others that she was dealing with, as did I. Once I saw that things were starting to progress to something more serious, that’s when I started cutting other people off.

For Real (Step Into My World)

January 26th, 2011
12:39 pm

“Now if we gon do the do with no emotion involved then tell me why would it even be neccessary to do it. Yeah, someone shed light on this wonderful question!!!” – BECAUSE IT’S FUGGING FUN TO DO!!!! I MEAN DAYUM SEX FOR PROCREATION DIED WHEN WE BEGAN TO WALK UPRIGHT!!!

Celisea

January 26th, 2011
12:40 pm

….and I was gonna say it but Blackfoote beat me to it…Robert dude you’re gonna burn (pun intended) for that behavior.

Kym

January 26th, 2011
12:40 pm

@Celisea I agree if a person drops all because they can only be exclusive with one person at a time..then cool if it works for them.

Celisea

January 26th, 2011
12:42 pm

Just in case you didn’t know Robert, we ain’t cool reading a chick talking about a married man no more than a man doing wives…just so not cool

Leggs

January 26th, 2011
12:42 pm

@Celisea ~ you we’re riding on the same train!

@da_man/DreamsM ~ I definitely understand people have sex because it’s “necessary.” What’s unnecessary is the lies to get to the sex. Not many willing start out openly admitting all they’re looking for is a FWB. Dating has so many levels one needs to lead with the head on the shoulders and not the head/trobbing in one’s pants or under their skirt!!!

DJ Sniper

January 26th, 2011
12:43 pm

As far as the whole child support discussion goes, I think that any man who finds out a child is not his after the fact should be freed from their financial obligations. If this were mandatory, maybe you wouldn’t have women who lie about the child’s paternity. Now, if he knew from jump the kid wasn’t his and he signed the birth certificate, then I have no sympathy for him.

Raqi V

January 26th, 2011
12:43 pm

Quoting myself and adding a point I meant to type…

“Hell he don’t realize he is the one being used because I guarantee you some guy (i.e. the husbands or some other) is getting that sex for free.”

Blackfoote

January 26th, 2011
12:43 pm

Dreams:

“No emotions doesn’t mean no pleasure…for most”……..point exactly….”for most”

Da_Man!

January 26th, 2011
12:44 pm

Celisea & BMW … I believe you are getting FWB mixed up with a 1 night stand or being a jump-off. Your friend that engage in sexual relations with you is more than likely not just trying to get a quick nut.

And lets all just be honest … the “B” in FWB = sex. Anything else like spending time at the Mall, Movies, Sports-bar is just a good friendship …

Celisea

January 26th, 2011
12:45 pm

Leggs – @Celisea ~ you we’re riding on the same train!

Yeah, I know you onboard too :) It ain’t just me and BMW…LOL

Celisea

January 26th, 2011
12:50 pm

Da Man – I think I’m good on the topic. Gotta be honest though initially I didn’t think in terms of spending time together, doing things, spooning…I’m thinking sex. However I do think Blantino phrased it (for him)…she’ll do until something better comes along. Me personally, I got a problem with that. But yeah, I’m seeing a variation from what some have said in sexing/friending/hanging out rather than…just sex, no talking, speaking, asking, wanting, getting…in and out…pure sex.

Da_Man!

January 26th, 2011
12:51 pm

Leggs & Celisea … can we be FWB???

Da_Man!

January 26th, 2011
12:55 pm

Ladies … Has it ever occurred to you that Men lie about what they want initially (sex) b/c YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!

i'm swiss™

January 26th, 2011
12:58 pm

“How is it the love was all strong and active as long as you thought the child is yours, but when you find out it’s not that love rapidly diminishes?”

Never been in this situation, thankfully, but I can see how feelings would change. Much the same as the love was “all strong and active” with the mother until he found out she was a lying wh0re, then his feelings changed…

For Real (Step Into My World)

January 26th, 2011
1:02 pm

“How is it the love was all strong and active as long as you thought the child is yours, but when you find out it’s not that love rapidly diminishes?” – I ain’t saying it’s right but I understand. Cause all these people talking about they can’t understand BETRAYAL they are lying.

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 26th, 2011
1:03 pm

And would someone tell me where straight men go to the mall and/or shopping with straight female and aren’t engaged in any kinda sexual activity before or after?

Y’all making that isht up

Raqi V

January 26th, 2011
1:05 pm

Da-Man, really what other main reason does a man get with a woman? LOL Yes there are some that like the sheer company and conversation of the woman, but mostly and usually the initial driving force is the sex. All the other stuff for you all is stuff that evolves into the relationship over time.

Even men that are openly looking for a wife is looking for sex with that wife. LOL

Most women over 25 should know that men want sex when they approach. It may not be all he wants but it’s at the top of the list. Chances are he will not be sticking around for long periods of time once he realizes it will not be happening.

Now that does not mean men and women cannot be friends without sex. Neither does it mean men have never started relationships with women that they have been friends with for years without sex. But we all know that men don’t be friends with woman they will not sex. And by that I mean yall don’t keep company with woman that you don’t find attractive even when sex is never mentioned.

BlackMagicWoman

January 26th, 2011
1:05 pm

Da_MAN… it’s still abad situatuation. Obviously if I am going to movies and mall, etc and screwiing this guy…it is because I like him. I have more than friends feelings for him. Hell I have girlfriends I can go to the mall and movies with. I have enough friends! If I want a male concubine…I’d make sure he was nothing but fine and good in bed. But best believe the only reason he’s get a call is because it’s time to unclog the pipes..and then go home!

For Real (Step Into My World)

January 26th, 2011
1:06 pm

Oh and as for FWB…. IF YOU AIN’T MARRIED THEN YOU IN A FWB RELATIONSHIP!!!!

cba

January 26th, 2011
1:06 pm

Robert might need an army issued vest because some of these husbands go postal. There was an incident in Marietta last month. I believed the husband was a federal cop, he killed the playa and chased the wife down the street to shoot her several times.

For Real (Step Into My World)

January 26th, 2011
1:07 pm

“And would someone tell me where straight men go to the mall and/or shopping with straight female and aren’t engaged in any kinda sexual activity before or after?” – In movies and tv shows they do it all the time.

BlackMagicWoman

January 26th, 2011
1:08 pm

“Has it ever occurred to you that Men lie about what they want initially (sex) b/c YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!”

That sir is some cocamamy BS that men make up in their heads to make themselves feel better about being an a$$hole liar who has to lie to get puddy! Yeah ok buddy…whatever helps you sleep at night! If you believe that..I have a bridge to sell you while we are at it! :roll:

For Real (Step Into My World)

January 26th, 2011
1:09 pm

“Most women over 25 should know that men want sex when they approach. It may not be all he wants but it’s at the top of the list. Chances are he will not be sticking around for long periods of time once he realizes it will not be happening.” – Finally, a chick that is not surprised by the fact that men want to have sex with them. Zippppppppppppppppppp!!!!!! For Real now reaching inside for Raqi’s prize. It’s in here somewhere.

Leggs

January 26th, 2011
1:09 pm

Just got an email from olem…he’s having a hissy fit at his desk cuz he wants to chime in on the discussion. He says his knuckles are tingling cuz he has so many comments to make. ForReal he wants you to hold down the fort. Raqi he almost bit his own lip with laughter reading your 12:35.

Raqi V

January 26th, 2011
1:09 pm

Swiss and ForReal, okay hate the mother. I get and understand. Hell take her and have her tarred and feather. But why stop loving the child for something the child has not control over?

How do you take back love?

Have neither of you never had a friend that you loved like a brother? Or in fact more than your own blood brother?

Yes? No?

For Real (Step Into My World)

January 26th, 2011
1:12 pm

“And by that I mean yall don’t keep company with woman that you don’t find attractive even when sex is never mentioned.” – Now that simply is not a true statement. It’s a know fact mandom that women can’t stand to see an ugly chick with handsome dude and that women will do whatever they have to do in order to save the dude from that ugly chick. Thus, every man keeps an ugly chick as friend for medicinal purposes.

Raqi V

January 26th, 2011
1:12 pm

It’s in here somewhere.

Is it that small??? Dang. Hold on I think I have a magnifying glass in my nightstand. LOL

SexyCool

January 26th, 2011
1:13 pm

And even if you are married, you are in a FWB relationship…or at least you should be.

DreamsMaterialize

January 26th, 2011
1:14 pm

Much the same as the love was “all strong and active” with the mother until he found out she was a lying wh0re, then his feelings changed…
swiss not quite the same. Your love for your child is truly unconditional. Besides, the lying whore actually did something personally to hurt you, and that’s what changed things. What did the child do to you personally to make things change?

Leggs

January 26th, 2011
1:14 pm

@Celisea ~ glad you understand “the words that are coming out of my mouth.” :lol:

@Da_Man ~ do you realize women lie cuz you can’t handle the truth?!?!?

How is it the love was all strong and active as long as you thought the child is yours, but when you find out it’s not that love rapidly diminishes?” This is just another form of “turtling.” Once you know this information, it affects every level of your being!

Blackfoote

January 26th, 2011
1:16 pm

Leggs:

He can’t use olem to get in?………LOL

Celisea

January 26th, 2011
1:17 pm

Leggs – @Celisea ~ glad you understand “the words that are coming out of my mouth.”

I always laughed at that line in the movie

Celisea

January 26th, 2011
1:17 pm

laugh not laughed

i'm swiss™

January 26th, 2011
1:17 pm

Raqi — I have no idea what my feelings would be toward the kid if I were ever in that situation and, obviously, I hope I never find out. I’m just saying I could understand why feelings would change toward the kid, whether or not it was the kid’s fault.

And I do think it’s total BS for the guy to be required by the courts to pay child support to the mother (as is she’s really using all that $$ only for the kid). Support the kid directly — pay for clothes, school stuff, whatever, but I would me uber-pi$$ed if I had to shell out cash to that ho… :lol:

For Real (Step Into My World)

January 26th, 2011
1:18 pm

But why stop loving the child for something the child has not control over? – Of all people women know BETRAYAL is a very hard pill to swallow. Now couple that with being forced to pay for the child and not having any legal rights to the child. Like I said, it may not be right but I understand if love don’t live here no mo.

How do you take back love? The same way it’s given. Lies breakdown love like trying to chase moonshine with coke. When trust is broken what do you have? And I know the child didn’t break the trust.

Have neither of you never had a friend that you loved like a brother? Or in fact more than your own blood brother? – Yes but if they betrayed me, then we done.

i'm swiss™

January 26th, 2011
1:18 pm

oops… should have read “as if she’s really using all that $$…”

Celisea

January 26th, 2011
1:18 pm

Blackfoote – I talked to olem yesterday…he’s totally blocked…all the way…no way getting in…he needs to speak with 2Can cause he got back in somehow…probably after his probation was over though :)

Celisea

January 26th, 2011
1:19 pm

Hey OLEM….how are you today…(waiving)

i'm swiss™

January 26th, 2011
1:19 pm

also.. should have read “I would be” — not “me”

Can’t type today, apparently…

SexyCool

January 26th, 2011
1:22 pm

I would think that sometimes it is not about not loving the child any longer or *stopping* your love for the child, but that it would be more about loving myself enough to withdraw physically and emotionally from a bad/hurtful/I’makillabytch situation.

As noble as an idea as remaining there for a child would be, I would fully support a person who finds himself in this position making the decision that is to his best benefit.

i'm swiss™

January 26th, 2011
1:23 pm

Me.lo — If you’re out there… Here’s a tutorial on ways to bypass firewalls & internet filters…

PrincessNik

January 26th, 2011
1:23 pm

And I do think it’s total BS for the guy to be required by the courts to pay child support to the mother (as is she’s really using all that $$ only for the kid). Support the kid directly — pay for clothes, school stuff, whatever, but I would me uber-pi$$ed if I had to shell out cash to that ho

Swiss, is this your feelings on Child support in general?

BlackMagicWoman

January 26th, 2011
1:25 pm

OLEM….we miss you! Muah…besitos!

Raqi V

January 26th, 2011
1:25 pm

SexyCool, girl…I loves me some you. Ain’t that the truth.

No one freely nor happily stays in a relationship that they are not getting anything out of. It’s all about benefits and that is not a bad thing.

Hell just to love someone and have them love you back is an exchange of benefits. Not to mention all else that goes on in relationships.

For Real (Step Into My World)

January 26th, 2011
1:25 pm

“And even if you are married, you are in a FWB relationship…or at least you should be.” – Not true. If I’m married to you, you better be my wife and some dayum friend you can walk away from cause
Raqi: Is it that small??? Dang. Hold on I think I have a magnifying glass in my nightstand.

For Real: Okay

Raqi: I still don’t see it.

For Real: You have to feel around for it. Here put this vanilla scented lotion on your hands.

she keeps buying the same shoe and blouse as you do. The title of Wife and Husband should be held wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy higher than a friend, cause friends come and go but I get chicks like that whole “my husband is my best friend” ish even if it ain’t true.

Blackfoote

January 26th, 2011
1:25 pm

Celisea:

2c too?…….OLEM what’s up your words of wisdom have been missed.

i'm swiss™

January 26th, 2011
1:25 pm

Princess — No, only in the particular case Raqi referenced (the child wasn’t his, but the mother lied & led him to believe it was)

For Real (Step Into My World)

January 26th, 2011
1:27 pm

“Your love for your child is truly unconditional.” – Untrue!

PrincessNik

January 26th, 2011
1:27 pm

Swiss,

I thought so, but I didn’t want to assume ;)

Celisea

January 26th, 2011
1:27 pm

Blackfoote – Nah not now (2Can that is)…he was a pretty bad boy a year or so ago and got banned big time…he was funny though. Sort of like the blog’s vigilante…toooo funny.

SexyCool

January 26th, 2011
1:28 pm

So…FReal – a person can’t be a husband and a friend or a wife and a friend, at the same time?!?

Um…yeah…okay.

Raqi V

January 26th, 2011
1:28 pm

SexyCool, now I don’t love you no more. LOL

I get the hurt that would be there. But to just stop loving a child? I guess if I was not in a position where I spend so much time around children I would feel differently. Children are innocent.

It breaks my heart just to imagine a person after raising a child for years as their own thinking it’s their own to stand and tell that child “I don’t and/or can’t love you any more because you are not mine”. That breaks my heart.

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 26th, 2011
1:29 pm

I think if you just tried a name change you’d be okay

Celisea

January 26th, 2011
1:31 pm

Dan – He’s tried that…I think his IP address has been blocked. OLEM, can you blog from a phone?

For Real (Step Into My World)

January 26th, 2011
1:31 pm

“And I do think it’s total BS for the guy to be required by the courts to pay child support to the mother (as is she’s really using all that $$ only for the kid). Support the kid directly — pay for clothes, school stuff, whatever, but I would me uber-pi$$ed if I had to shell out cash to that ho” – I agree 100%. Snap, Snap… For Real now reaching inside Celisea’s blouse for Swiss’s prize.

Raqi V

January 26th, 2011
1:31 pm

And I guess for people who don’t just love kids in general can turn that love on and off based on whether the child is blood related.

I am a softy when it comes to children.

i'm swiss™

January 26th, 2011
1:33 pm

Dan — I don’t know if this is what happened to Me.lo, but they’ve tried to block me by IP — ahem — a few times. “Tried” being the operative word. :lol: The tutorial I linked has some ways he can get out of purgatory…

SexyCool

January 26th, 2011
1:34 pm

Rock, I didn’t say that you could/should/would *stop* loving the child. It’s just that I would need to make the best decision for me in that rather difficult situation.

I can even point to the example of Shthead’s kid. At one point, I used to have that child more than either one of his parents did. But, when the relationship ended, so did my involvement with him. Could I have developed a relationship with his mother to ensure that I remained a part of his life? Most certainly, I mean…we are active/posting/commenting FaceBook friends. (lol)

But really, while I still have quite a fondness for the kid, it was the best decision for ME to fall back and remove myself from his life.

So, I didn’t *stop* loving him. I just made the decision that I needed to because my peace of mind was more important to me.

Leggs

January 26th, 2011
1:34 pm

But, I agree, the child shouldn’t have to suffer because you see your woman now having 3 heads! It takes a strong man to be able to shelter and still love the child while throwing daggers at the woman.

For Real (Step Into My World)

January 26th, 2011
1:34 pm

“a person can’t be a husband and a friend or a wife and a friend, at the same time?!?” – Hell no, I didn’t marry you for you to be my friend. I married you for you to be my wife. If I want a friend that has sex with me then could have just stuck with FWB but again, I get the whole chick thing about their husband being their best friend but it’s still a lie.

Celisea

January 26th, 2011
1:35 pm

For Real – For Real now reaching inside Celisea’s blouse for Swiss’s prize.

Stop that…no prizes to be handed out here…well

kimmie

January 26th, 2011
1:36 pm

Human emotions are very complex. We all think we’ll know how we feel should such a situation hit us, like finding out a child is not bio yours that you’ve had a hand in raising. How could a man just walk away from the child after finding that out, some of you ask? The same way some walk away from those they KNOW are theirs. Or not walk away, just don’t have much to do with. Or are present in body only in the child’s life. It’s not always about blood. Everyone is not cut out to be a parent. Or if they are, everyone does not have the same level of paternal and maternal instincts.

My mom used to say – Live on. She said that to mean that the longer you live, the more things come up that may surprise you.

SexyCool

January 26th, 2011
1:36 pm

Never said anything about being BEST friends, although I would see nothing wrong with that.

However, we shall agree to disagree, dude.

kimmie

January 26th, 2011
1:44 pm

SCool – I was in a similiar situation with an ex’s child. We had gotten close, but I had to pull away. It wasn’t fair to the ex & the new woman who was potentially going to be her new stepmother. The girl wasn’t being abused or anything. They deserved a chance to raise her without outside interference from me.

For Real (Step Into My World)

January 26th, 2011
1:44 pm

“However, we shall agree to disagree, dude.” – We still friend tho right?

Raqi V

January 26th, 2011
1:45 pm

The title of Wife and Husband should be held wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy higher than a friend,

ForReal, but there is no other person that I would rather have as my best friend above all but who it already is and that’s my husband.

There are so many wives and husbands that are not friends at all. So while wife and husband do take priority over all others, your spouse should always be your friend.

i'm swiss™

January 26th, 2011
1:45 pm

“the child shouldn’t have to suffer because you see your woman now having 3 heads!”

Leggs — You probably didn’t mean it this way, but that ↑ makes it sound like the guy is the cause of the kid’s suffering. How about: “the child shouldn’t have to suffer because its mother IS a lying, trifling wh0re.” That sounds a bit more accurate to me… ;-) :lol:

SexyCool

January 26th, 2011
1:45 pm

Without benefits, of course.

kimmie

January 26th, 2011
1:46 pm

Raqi – I have a soft spot for kids too. You’d be surprised at how many don’t or just have a different level of concern.

DreamsMaterialize

January 26th, 2011
1:48 pm

I get the whole chick thing about their husband being their best friend but it’s still a lie.
That romantic notion of love and marrying is a rather recent concept. Historically, people married out of practicality. Still true many places in the world.

Blackfoote

January 26th, 2011
1:49 pm

KYM:

Excuse me congrats to you for staying with the Black and Yellow I’ll be joining the bandwagon against the Green and Gold of course cause they stomped my Red and Black.

Raqi V

January 26th, 2011
1:54 pm

SexyCool, that’s a bit different than having raised that child as the only mother it will ever know and had.

I had written a lot more but Lizzy hit the keyboard and I lost it all. I don’t want to type it all over again. LOL

kimmie

January 26th, 2011
1:55 pm

Raqi – I have a friend who was going thru infertility with her husband. She had an older sister who had adopted 2 children and the family adored those kids. I asked my friend had she & her husband ever considered adoption. She said “Well no. I mean the child wouldn’t be ours so I don’t see how I could have any feelings for it. I mean, I guess I would have feelings later.” I realized then adoption was not an option for them like it was for her sister. I ran into her recently and they never had any kids.

People are just different.

Leggs

January 26th, 2011
1:56 pm

@i’m swiss ~ actually, I meant it both ways. If the father removes himself as the father, then yes the child is suffering as a result of his actions which no doubt has been caused by the trifling mother! No matter how you slice it, the child is suffering and [s]he shouldn’t be!

Raqi V

January 26th, 2011
1:57 pm

kimmie, yep.

Are there any adopted people on here or someone that has adopted a child?

For Real (Step Into My World)

January 26th, 2011
1:59 pm

“ForReal, but there is no other person that I would rather have as my best friend above all but who it already is and that’s my husband.” – Yeahhhhh but I bet Mase didn’t marry you cause he wanted you to be his best friend. He married you cause you had and still has his back and sex and some food.

“Without benefits, of course” – So, we are FWOB for now?

“That romantic notion of love and marrying is a rather recent concept. Historically, people married out of practicality.” – My opinion is you can keep love. I need to like you and you need to like me.

DJ Sniper

January 26th, 2011
1:59 pm

Leggs, the child may be suffering, but the root cause is the lies by the mother. Can’t really look at the man as the bad guy.

Raqi V

January 26th, 2011
1:59 pm

kimmie, you 1:55 is exactly what I was thinking. There are many people that have adopted kids and love them like they gave birth to them. I bet you couldn’t pry those kids away if you tried to.

And then like you said some people feel they can only love that there shares an actual blood line.

For Real (Step Into My World)

January 26th, 2011
2:01 pm

“Are there any adopted people on here or someone that has adopted a child?” – I plan on a Woody Allen adopting Celisea.

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 26th, 2011
2:03 pm

The romantic notion of marriage is a hollywood invention.

Prior to the RomCom, accidentally knocked up, broke, and/or inheritance of property were the main reason for marriage.

Shiioot, men and women being “friends” can be linked to “when harry met sally”

NaTuRaL20

January 26th, 2011
2:03 pm

Back in the day, I’m sad to say, I did my share of FWB but it wasn’t called that back then. If I knew then what I knew now, I wouldn’t have chartered that water. Sex without emotional attachment just leaves you feeling empty. What real benefits are there anyway? And who is it actually benefitting?

If this is a really good long-term friend then most likely things will never go back to being the same between you. Otherwise let’s just keep it real, it’s a hook up. And the pleasure is only temporary because someone is eventually going to want out or get their heart broken. You know the song Trey Songz – Can’t Be Friends.

@Rell – Limited Edition stated in their comment “men give love to get sex, women give sex to get love”. This is so true. It sucks that men and women are so opposite on the love spectrum.

You might want to ask yourself “Do you think that trading sex for potentially losing a good friend is worth the benefit?”

@Robert – SMH.

Rell - Limited Edition

January 26th, 2011
2:04 pm

The romantic notion of marriage is a hollywood invention

^^^THE DEVIL IS A LIE^^^^

wow…marriage is not the problem…its the people that decide to join the holy institution…just WOW

Rell - Limited Edition

January 26th, 2011
2:11 pm

You might want to ask yourself “Do you think that trading sex for potentially losing a good friend is worth the benefit?”

- whats funny is that – are you not suppose to be in a relationshitp with your friend…its very hard to develop a friendship if your having sex or caught up in the lust and excitment of a new relationship…i always wondered why women will not get with there friends…but will try to turn a boyfriend into a friend…that may not be his aim for you…at least with your friend you are both starting from the same level and alot can be gained from it…we all seek acceptance from our mates…our friends give us that right

Kym

January 26th, 2011
2:11 pm

@Blackfoote..I am always with the Black and Yellow..Never a bandwagon fan. I have my Terrible Towel right now at the office as a banner. And while I appreciate your support..the Steeler Nation is fairly strong so we are not taking any new applications for immigrant status (bandwagon fans) at this time. Save your support for the Fakecons, they gonna need it.

kimmie

January 26th, 2011
2:14 pm

Raqi – I know a few people who are adopted and they seem to be very well adjusted. They all were adopted as babies and were told as soon as they could understand.

I also know of several who have adopted children, some that have had their own biological kids and adopted. They all adore those kids just like they are their bio. In fact, most of them are matched up so well you would think they had given birth to them.

For Real (Step Into My World)

January 26th, 2011
2:15 pm

“Save your support for the Fakecons, they gonna need it.” – For Real is now locking Kym in a room with It’s Me while they try to decipher the meaning behind Romeo and Juliet.

For Real (Step Into My World)

January 26th, 2011
2:16 pm

“In fact, most of them are matched up so well you would think they had given birth to them” – Thus the term “if you feed them long enough they will start looking like you”

DJ Sniper

January 26th, 2011
2:17 pm

I’m also rooting for the Steelers to beat the Packers. Yea, I’m still bitter about how we lost to them in the playoffs too lol. Like Kym, I’m not a bandwagon jumper though. I will still support my team.

Leggs

January 26th, 2011
2:17 pm

@DJ Sniper ~ we know the root cause is the woman, yet you can look at the father adding to it because he doesn’t have to take his love away if he really loved the child. His ego is making him retreat and no longer show his love for the child. Like Raqi V asked, how can you love one minute and completely abandon the next? He’s the only father this child ever knew. You can still love and support the person you helped nurture all these years. Hell, the child could be 12 years old when you find out. To completely walk out of this child’s life is huge. Like I said earlier, a strong man would still step up to the play for the sake of the child.

DJ Sniper

January 26th, 2011
2:21 pm

Leggs, you’re talking to someone who was almost a victim of paternity fraud, so that’s why I don’t really blame a man who chooses to remove himself from that particular situation.

Blackfoote

January 26th, 2011
2:22 pm

Raqi V

January 26th, 2011
2:25 pm

DJ Sniper, was it a true attempted paternity fraud or just a matter of the woman not knowing or being sure of who the father was?

DreamsMaterialize

January 26th, 2011
2:27 pm

I mean the child wouldn’t be ours so I don’t see how I could have any feelings for it.
kimmie man some kid dodged a bullet and didn’t even know it.

Raqi V

January 26th, 2011
2:28 pm

For some reason reading some of these comments make me think it is not so much of the child not being yours, for the men, but more so of your ego being fatally wounded when you find out your woman was doing someone else behind your back. LOL So you don’t what you have to do to hurt that “trick”.

kimmie

January 26th, 2011
2:29 pm

Dreams – You got that right!

Blackfoote

January 26th, 2011
2:32 pm

DJ SNIPER:

Man I still feel the pain too. If we don’t make some changes we might not make the playoffs this year.

KYM:

Are you a part of the Steeler nation at Duggans on Memorial DR?

Celisea

January 26th, 2011
2:33 pm

but more so of your ego being fatally wounded when you find out your woman was doing someone else behind your back.

FWB? Maybe? Let’s hope not…bringing forth life and all

Raqi V

January 26th, 2011
2:33 pm

DreamsMat, I have come to learn that some people are just cut from a special kind of cloth.

Folks like that, the one kimmie mentioned, make you wonder do they not have love for their friends. With friends being people that we choose to have in our lives therefore we are choosing to love them with the blood line.

But then on the other hand maybe I am the only person that love my friends. In fact there is no difference in the love I have for my sister my parents birthed and my sisters I have gained over the years.

Rell - Limited Edition

January 26th, 2011
2:34 pm

For some reason reading some of these comments make me think it is not so much of the child not being yours, for the men, but more so of your ego being fatally wounded when you find out your woman was doing someone else behind your back. LOL So you don’t what you have to do to hurt that “trick”.

^^^true….thats why i walked from that situation…get your new ninja to fill the daddy role!..period…or the weak az.z baby daddy

SlimNumeroUno

January 26th, 2011
2:36 pm

Slim walking in all late n shyyyyyyyt giving the head nod to those who are close by…. ;-)

Blackfoote

January 26th, 2011
2:37 pm

Raqi V:

I think you just said a mouthful. This is probably how a “scorned” man would act upon learning of this ruse. I can’t say I would fault him as I’ve never been in the situation but I believe his ego would definatley take a hit.

DreamsMaterialize

January 26th, 2011
2:37 pm

With friends being people that we choose to have in our lives therefore we are choosing to love them with the blood line.
Raqi I believe you choose your family, at I do. There are friends of mine who are way more family to me than some who are blood-related. No way I put them over my friends because of some blood. Actually, some family members are toxic for no other reason than they know their family are the only ones who will put up with their shull bit. Not me though…go somewhere else with your foolishness.

Raqi V

January 26th, 2011
2:39 pm

Dang Rell. Sweet Jezuz, the beating some kids take without ever having a hand laid on them.

Raqi V

January 26th, 2011
2:41 pm

DreamsMat, I agree because my sisters are family.

But I am referring to those cousins, aunt and nephews that we just happen to share DNA with and cant do anything about. LOL

For Real (Step Into My World)

January 26th, 2011
2:42 pm

DJ Sniper, was it a true attempted paternity fraud or just a matter of the woman not knowing or being sure of who the father was?” – What’s the difference?

but more so of your ego being fatally wounded when you find out your woman was doing someone else behind your back.” – EGO????? Why isn’t the problem the trick lied about a baby being yours enough? I mean that has to be the biggest lie a person can say other than you are dead. What does it have to do with ego? I can see how that ish would hurt anyone not just a man.

In fact there is no difference in the love I have for my sister my parents birthed and my sisters I have gained over the years.” – But if you had to choose which one would you choose? Blood or Play Cousin?

Kym

January 26th, 2011
2:44 pm

@Blackfoote..uhh no..I live in Hen-ray..I am not driving that far to see the game..I have a perfectly good tv and couch at home where I am free to cuss, scream, cry, yell and occassionally throw things at the tv without interruption or threat of being tossed out.

Raqi V

January 26th, 2011
2:45 pm

Kimmie, I just thought of something. How in the heck do that man and woman love each other? Unless they are inbred. LOL Being that they can only love blood kin.

Raqi V

January 26th, 2011
2:46 pm

What’s the difference?

The difference is as stated today on the here blog you men are not the only ones capable of sexing multiple partners. Yeah I know that’s a hard blow for you but yall aint got the monoply on that thing like yall wish ya had.

LOL

DreamsMaterialize

January 26th, 2011
2:47 pm

But I am referring to those cousins, aunt and nephews that we just happen to share DNA with and cant do anything about.
Raqi they can kick rocks! I’m not being funny either. If I only see or talk to you every 10 years at the family reunion, you’re always getting locked up, have done other family members wrong, have done me wrong, always seem to attract drama because of bad decision making, or don’t behave in any way that says you love me like family, then stay away from my doorstep.

Leggs

January 26th, 2011
2:49 pm

@DreamsM ~ I have a sister like that and I hope she never finds out where I live! So far so good!

Raqi V

January 26th, 2011
2:50 pm

Choose for what ForReal? I talk to my sisters that I have chosen more than I talk to the woman my parents birthed.

My sisters that I have chosen know more about me than my sister that shares my DNA.

My sisters I have chosen knew about my recent pregnancy(s) before my birth sister.

So what do you mean by choosing? What I am choosing for at this age? A confidant? A shoulder to cry on? A word of advice? I get that from the sisters I have chosen.

Kym

January 26th, 2011
2:51 pm

I don’t know how this convo is going on the tricked daddy but I do think for a woman to stick baby daddy status on the wrong guy doesn’t just hurt the kid or the trick daddy but also the bio dad..how did she know that guy didn’t want to be a daddy?

Wise Diva

January 26th, 2011
2:51 pm

yep, as usual, I could not have predicted the way the discussion would go LOL totally love it. (Still scratching my head reading Robert’s comments for the 2nd time LOL)

Raqi V

January 26th, 2011
2:51 pm

DreamsMat, ain’t that the truth? LOL

DreamsMaterialize

January 26th, 2011
2:52 pm

Why isn’t the problem the trick lied about a baby being yours enough?
Real Accountability. People don’t want to be accountable for their own actions, so they’re always looking to blame someone else.

But if you had to choose which one would you choose? Blood or Play Cousin?
Real Earl chose Carlito over his blood brother in Carlito’s way. haha

i'm swiss™

January 26th, 2011
2:53 pm

“Like I said earlier, a strong man would still step up to the play for the sake of the child.”

And that’s exactly the way of thinking that makes some of these chicks think they can get away with the ol’ bait & switch to trap a dude who has his sh_t together… “he won’t know & if he ever does find out, he’ll be too attached to the kid to walk away…” — All the while knowing the real baby daddy is Ray Ray, living in his momma’s basement. F__k that. I have no idea what I would do if I was ever in that situation, but I sure as h3ll wouldn’t ever blame a dude for walking…

DJ Sniper

January 26th, 2011
2:54 pm

Raqi, I believe she knew that I wasn’t the father, but for whatever reason, she wanted to name me. Thank God for DNA tests.

For Real, you are on point. Our egos being hurt due to the woman cheating on us isn’t even part of the equation. It’s the pure and simple fact that she lied about something so important as a child’s paternity.

Raqi V

January 26th, 2011
2:57 pm

Kym, I would imagine it hurts like hell for those fathers that do get caught up.

I am sitting here just trying to imagine my feeling if I was told one of my kids got switched in the hospital nursery and isn’t mine.

(JEOPARDY MUSIC PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND)
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

I dare a heifer to come try to take my kid. She better be willing to go without because imma want the one I have now and the one that I birthed. LOL

For Real (Step Into My World)

January 26th, 2011
2:58 pm

“Like I said earlier, a strong man would still step up to the play for the sake of the child.” – Oh and Leggs I meant to comment on this but this is just a trick women use to make men take responsibility for their fugg-ups. You should have said “It takes a strong women to not to lie to a man that he is the baby daddy and still keep him.”

Raqi V

January 26th, 2011
2:58 pm

Why isn’t the problem the trick lied about a baby being yours enough?

ForReal, she is the problem. I said 10 posts ago that the woman that lied to you is the one you should be hating and dealing with. Don’t hate the child.

kimmie

January 26th, 2011
2:59 pm

How do you all feel about this?

I’ve mentioned this on the blog before. A guy I was seeing had a daughter that he paid child support for but had no relationship with. He said one day out of the blue, her mother shows up on his doorstep with this 4 yr old saying it’s his. Of course they got the DNA test and all and she is his. He sends a check & that’s it. I found out about it towards the end of our relationship. It seemed weird that you have a child out there and have nothing to do with her. I mean not even a picture of her.

For Real (Step Into My World)

January 26th, 2011
3:01 pm

“Raqi, I believe she knew that I wasn’t the father, but for whatever reason, she wanted to name me. Thank God for DNA tests.” – Lets take it a step further, why isn’t a DNA test required for all births prior to issuing the birth certificates?

Kym

January 26th, 2011
3:02 pm

@Raqi..yeah I would kill a rock and dare a brick to breathe about the little fellow at my house. He eats all my food,talks to much, and half the time he smells like a puppy..but he is mine.

Raqi V

January 26th, 2011
3:02 pm

Kimmie, I bet the men on here will care more about the man sending money than him not wanting to spend time with his child.

It’s sad that a dollar bill means more than a living human being.

Raqi V

January 26th, 2011
3:03 pm

He eats all my food,talks to much, and half the time he smells like a puppy..but he is mine

LMBO Kym. Sounds like we got the same bred.

For Real (Step Into My World)

January 26th, 2011
3:04 pm

I said 10 posts ago that the woman that lied to you is the one you should be hating and dealing with. Don’t hate the child.” – I speaking to your ego post and the fact that it’s the lie that the child is his hurts his soul and not his ego.

I think we need to blog about a man’s ego cause I think women got it all wrong when it comes to a man’ ego.

Wise Diva

January 26th, 2011
3:05 pm

that’s a great topic For Real, gon’ write it up for me :)

Raqi V

January 26th, 2011
3:05 pm

ForReal, you really hate women don’t you?

I would love to see the set of teeth on the woman that chewed you up and spit you out. Dude some of your comments bleed hurt.

Celisea

January 26th, 2011
3:05 pm

Lets take it a step further, why isn’t a DNA test required for all births prior to issuing the birth certificates?

Let’s go all the way with that question because it seems to me and I guess it just depends on what day we’re tossing which topic..but I’d say accountability and responsibility might ought to get factored in way before we make babies and have a need for birth certificates and by both parties. Yeah, I know depending on the day of the week the time of day and whether it suits determines which way it gets tossed and spinned but but really all of us should know the crazy (thanks PG) in which we’re dealing, unless the condom broke, before making babies and families and stuff. Blame lies in the middle in a lot of today’s scenarios…she’s crazy for handing you a baby that’s knows is not her and yes a.k.a. trick but what and where are you that you didn’t know the type of broad, yes broad you was dealing with? Or dude…being trifle goes both ways.

Sultana

January 26th, 2011
3:07 pm

FWB SUCKS!!!!!!! I’ve tried FWB… with a man that I was freinds with and head over hills for and it did’nt work for me, all I did was cry, because I deserved more and we both should have known it.

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 26th, 2011
3:07 pm

@For Real (3:04)

Didn’t you know a woman these days are imbued with much power; they know

how a man’s ego works,

how to tell a man to be a man, and

(my favorite) have to let a man be a man.

James Brown is ROIHG…

For Real (Step Into My World)

January 26th, 2011
3:07 pm

Kimmie: “It seemed weird that you have a child out there and have nothing to do with her. I mean not even a picture of her.” – I don’t know the full circumstances but if it was me then my child would be with me way beyond a simple check. But from the little info you gave, ole boy actions are a total punk move and he shouldn’t be allow to stand to take a piss.

Kym

January 26th, 2011
3:09 pm

@Raqi.. King Weekend we went camping and I had to share a tent and a room with him. He snored and farted in the tent. The room had twin beds and I could hear him farting and snoring from the other side. Don’t get me started on the way those feet smell.

Celisea

January 26th, 2011
3:09 pm

handing you a baby that’s knows is not her

that should have read handing you a baby she knows is not yours

Raqi V

January 26th, 2011
3:10 pm

ForReal I had response to your 3:04 but the filter shredded it. LOL

It pretty much stated that you men can dish it (cheat on your woman) but you cannot take it (find out she is cheating on you).

i'm swiss™

January 26th, 2011
3:11 pm

“ForReal, you really hate women don’t you?”

It has always sounded to me like what he hates is lying succubi… not women. Can’t say that I blame him there… :lol:

For Real (Step Into My World)

January 26th, 2011
3:12 pm

Raqi: “ForReal, you really hate women don’t you?” – Why do you think I hate women? Why do you think some women chewed me out? Which comments read hurt?

SexyCool

January 26th, 2011
3:13 pm

He shouldn’t be allowed to stand and pe.e because a chick that he obviously had a *casual* relationship with shows up, four years later, with a kid that he knew nothing about?

Really?

Actually, if he had no desire to parent the child, I would say the child *dodged a bullet* (since this seems to be the term that we are using today.)

Additionally, I would be interested in knowing the mother’s motivation for showing up four years later. Had she exhausted all other possibilities on Maury? Had something in her financial situation changed to cause her to seek his support? Did *his* family’s crazy traits start oozing out of the child’s pores and she wanted him to help her deal with it?

Kym

January 26th, 2011
3:14 pm

@Celisea..I think we are really gonna have to stop looking at back in the day for examples of folks standing up right about they kids..cause errrr..didn’t we just have a taste of that this week with Oprah finding out about a sister she didn’t know she had..cause her mama gave the baby away and still really doesn’t want to have much to do with her..and there was no mention at all of where her daddy was. Yeah back in the day they were tossing it up and hiding it to save face..now a days folks just a bit more free with the flow of information.

DJ Sniper

January 26th, 2011
3:14 pm

For Real, I’m all in favor of mandatory DNA testing for kids born to unmarried parents. I know this situation happens to married couples as well, but if we’re gonna start somewhere, let’s start with unmarried couples. I’m pretty sure the rate of paternity fraud would be drastically reduced.

Raqi V

January 26th, 2011
3:16 pm

Celisea, exactly chica. If you can’t do the time don’t do the crime.

Every time they enter raw they know the possibility is there. Then they want to hollering “It ain’t mine”.

Hell ForReal and the like need to do many women in this country a favor. Go and round up those deadbeat arseholes that are running away from the responsibility of raising their own kids. Make them accountable. Those that are dropping seeds and not staying around to help harvest the fruit.

Raqi V

January 26th, 2011
3:19 pm

It has always sounded to me like what he hates is lying succubi… not women.

Swiss, to make a statement that every child and father should have to endure a DNA test before the birth certificate is signed just reeks of women are not to be trusted.

Only men that have been pissed on by a woman make those types of statements.

Heck if you got got admit it and move on. Don’t make every conversation about kids out to be all mother’s are lying tricks.

For Real (Step Into My World)

January 26th, 2011
3:19 pm

Swiss: “t has always sounded to me like what he hates is lying succubi… not women. Can’t say that I blame him there…” – Yeah and if sounds like I hate women cause I want them to be accountable for their actions well I guess I do hate those women that are not.

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 26th, 2011
3:20 pm

“Those that are dropping seeds and not staying around to help harvest the fruit”

Pardon me, but does it not take fertile ground to bear fruit?

And did the man plow a field that he was not invited into?

So yeah, the dudes suck, but it takes 2……

Raqi V

January 26th, 2011
3:21 pm

Really?

SexyCool, imma raise you a “WOW” spelled backwards. LOL

Leggs

January 26th, 2011
3:21 pm

Daggone it, my post to i’m swiss didn’t get through. Nevamind!!!!

Why isn’t the problem the trick lied about a baby being yours enough?

ForReal, she is the problem. I said 10 posts ago that the woman that lied to you is the one you should be hating and dealing with. Don’t hate the child.

That’s exactly what I’m saying too, i’m swiss and For Real!!

kimmie

January 26th, 2011
3:22 pm

4Real/SCool – You all know as much about the situation as I do. Really. We had been dating about a year & half when I found out thru the grapevine that the child even existed. One of my cousins confirmed it and I confronted him about it.

I can see both of your points of view. It’s his flesh & blood but like SCool said, if he has no desire to be a parent he’s probably actually doing the child a favor. Everyone just is not cut out or have the desire to be a parent. They have no paternal or maternal instincts.

I will say it opened my eyes about a lot of things concerning him.

i'm swiss™

January 26th, 2011
3:23 pm

“Don’t make every conversation about kids out to be all mother’s are lying tricks”

Well, but this particular conversation started with an example of a mother who was, in fact, a lying trick… :lol:

Raqi V

January 26th, 2011
3:27 pm

DJ Sniper, so just because a woman and man isn’t married she is more likely to be getting it on with some other dude? Really? So what does that say about the man’s choice in the women he chooses if he has to suspect her of cheating?

I will tell you one sure fire way to make sure the kid AINT yours. Don’t stick your richard in her. ‘kay. Or wear a condom.

“Benefits” of raw dogging doesn’t go to every one my friend.

LOL

For Real (Step Into My World)

January 26th, 2011
3:28 pm

Raqi: “Only men that have been pissed on by a woman make those types of statements.” – Part of my work is in Family Law so although I haven’t been pissed personally, I have seen men lives ruined by women false accusations. I can pull a 1,000 cases that I have done showing how women lie and the courts support their lies all at the expense of men and that’s just the cases I have done. And having DNA test done prior to issuance of a birth certificate can save a lot people from the situation we talked about earlier.

Raqi V

January 26th, 2011
3:29 pm

Dang I am letting yall wear me out. Imma have to take a nap before my besties arrive tonight.

DreamsMaterialize

January 26th, 2011
3:29 pm

Kimmie, I bet the men on here will care more about the man sending money than him not wanting to spend time with his child.
Raqi Not me. ;-)

I think we are really gonna have to stop looking at back in the day for examples of folks standing up right about they kids
Kym Yeah they were just as screwed up as we are. lol As a matter of fact, if we’re so screwed up it’s because they dropped the ball. It’s nothing new though…every generation glorifies their past while condemning the young. Truth is, everything that’s being done has been done.

Celisea

January 26th, 2011
3:29 pm

Kym – @Celisea..I think we are really gonna have to stop looking at back in the day for examples of folks standing up right about they kids

I don’t think I mentioned “back in the day” as the source of examples for folks standing up right but I came along and was raised “back then” and can’t discount what I knew then and by comparison what I see now is not the same. Yeah, Ms. Dot next door got knocked up as a result of having sex (which has been here since the beginning…so it’s nothing new) and hid it but no way did you have 2nd graders giving head. Tell me something ain’t amiss. The shift overtime in practices is a part of my history…I speak from experience and what I know….as well as you. No we’re not the same but we should be able to post our beliefs and opinions and thoughts, no one person no more or over the other.

For Real (Step Into My World)

January 26th, 2011
3:33 pm

Raqi: “So what does that say about the man’s choice in the women he chooses if he has to suspect her of cheating? I will tell you one sure fire way to make sure the kid AINT yours. Don’t stick your richard in her. ‘kay. Or wear a condom.” – So don’t blame the women cause it’s all the man’s fault? She has no accountability whatsoever huh?

Raqi V

January 26th, 2011
3:34 pm

I have seen men lives ruined by women false accusations.

But you have never seen a woman’s and/or child’s life ruined by a lazyarse deadbeat ejack that will not own up to his responsibility?

Dude I am willing to bet there are more kids out there whose fathers don’t want anything to do with them nor there mother because he just trifling than there are fathers or almost been fathers ruined by a lying woman.
.
.
.
.
.
I have $3.76 right here in my nightstand. You wanna bet?

DJ Sniper

January 26th, 2011
3:35 pm

Raqi, my statement about the mandatory tests mentioned the unmarried couples as a starting point. I’m not implying that unmarried folks are more promiscuous, but I don’t know how easy it would be to have mandatory tests for everyone, married and unmarried alike.

Also, my issue with paternity fraud has more to do with men who were told they were the child’s father when they really weren’t. I’m not too sympathetic to men who screw multiple women without wearing protection. Case in point: Antonio Cromartie.

Celisea

January 26th, 2011
3:36 pm

Raqi – Your 3:16…I’m agreeing

every generation glorifies their past while condemning the young. Truth is, everything that’s being done has been done.

Fallacy at it’s finest. Like I said whatever day convenient, ya’ll was bashing kids all day yesterday and today it’s condeming the young generation. It’s not condemning, it’s recognizing the fact that folks wanna do whatever the heck they feel and lay blame where consequence comes. All MY generations (some of us) are saying, there’s no way you can walk and do whatever the heck you feel without consequence. I don’t find that condemning, I find that to be light and enlightment. And if that’s offensive, then roll on but don’t blame the world 20 or 30 years from now. I call it giving back, which is how it worked BACK IN THE DAY

i'm swiss™

January 26th, 2011
3:37 pm

“I have $3.76 right here in my nightstand”

Dang! Is that the going rate? That’s a bargain! :lol:

(Sorry, Raqi — you know I’m just messing with you… but that was set up too perfectly to resist) :lol:

DreamsMaterialize

January 26th, 2011
3:38 pm

I have $3.76 right here in my nightstand. You wanna bet?
I’ll raise you $3.77 that lying mothers are as plentiful as trifling fathers. lol It’s sad either way, and they both need to seriously reconsider their priorities.

Raqi V

January 26th, 2011
3:39 pm

And having DNA test done prior to issuance of a birth certificate can save a lot people from the situation we talked about earlier.

And what’s your solution to make those fathers that rightfully know the children are theirs responsible?

What’s your solution to making those men stop laying down making babies they have no intention on raising nor supporting?

What’s your solution to making those men stop showing up shooting their pregnant girlfriends carrying a baby that he shot up in her?

Yes some women lie. I will never say that is not the truth however their are way more women raising kids alone than there a fathers that are fathers by way of lies.

Celisea

January 26th, 2011
3:39 pm

….or when you’re in Child Support Court over an unwanted kid because Tomqueque had “fiyah” on her resume and you couldn’t see past that. Yeah, just like FWB, don’t get to know or learn nothing about a person and bam a baby comes, then you looking around like umm fu fu because you took the quick route. Now you’re taking the long walk home for sure and she’s blaming you and you’re blaming the white man for the law in place to make you pay for that trick’s baby you want no part of nor was trying to get.

Lord Velonese

January 26th, 2011
3:40 pm

“Frauen müssen verstehen, nicht in dieser Situation zu hängen. Aber wie Wise Diva sagte, ich möchte auch Frauen necken, es ist alles fair über die Gleichstellung Skala.”

Celisea

January 26th, 2011
3:41 pm

and if it’s baiting for a knock down drag out, not happening :)

For Real (Step Into My World)

January 26th, 2011
3:41 pm

Raqi: See that the mistake you are making, I’m not saying men don’t fugg-up but you are saying women don’t and I’ll take that bet any day. I been doing this for over 15yrs and you should know you can’t believe everything your hear/read in the news. Did you know a mother can terminate all her rights and obligations to a child but the father can only terminate his rights not his obligations? 1200 cases of women putting a child up for adoption without the father’s consent.

Raqi V

January 26th, 2011
3:43 pm

Yes ForReal the women are accountable. However you are talking about having DNA test done before ANY birth certificate is signed as if ALL women are tricking sluts.

I would go along with you if you said if the man has a reason to believe otherwise he should have the DNA before signing, but no you said every birth should be subjected to a DNA. As in all women shouldn’t be trusted.

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 26th, 2011
3:43 pm

@For Real

That hole has been in the law since the beginnig of time.

DreamsMaterialize

January 26th, 2011
3:44 pm

Like I said whatever day convenient, ya’ll was bashing kids all day yesterday and today it’s condeming the young generation.
Celisea I don’t remember bashing kids yesterday or any day. I don’t bash people period…no one benefits from that. Our great grandparents told our grandparents that they weren’t like kids of their generation. Our grandparents told our parents similarly. Our parents said things weren’t the same as when they were young, and now we say it to our kids. EVERY generation says the same things to the younger generation. I’m not offended at all, but what we believe to be true is often based on nostalgia and not what really happened. We can look at the stats, and they’ll say things are pretty much the way they always have been, since the beginning.

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 26th, 2011
3:46 pm

@Raqi

Why not?

What would be the objection to the DNA test?

Raqi V

January 26th, 2011
3:46 pm

DreamsMat, keep your penny. LOL There are more women raising children alone because her husband walked away and never looked back or she made a bad choice in a sex partner that wants nothing to do with the life he helped create.

Celisea

January 26th, 2011
3:49 pm

Dreams – You was the main one stating you didn’t want any of the bad kids to hinder your child…Bashing I’d call it. While it’s NOT okay for kids to be any and everything, the blame lies in the rearing. Where are the folks that should be doing that? This generation that don’t want to be told or taught anything right or looked down upon. Yeah we thought we knew everything too and thought we were grown but we accepted the teaching of the generation ahead of us rathen than feeling like somebody was condemning or looking down or trying to through up yesteryears in our face. Like I said, we didn’t want or like it all but some of it we digested and guess what, are all the better for it. This is sounding too religious/spiritual so I’m out.

Lord Velonese

January 26th, 2011
3:49 pm

“Die Doppelmoral zwischen Männern und Frauen ist widerlich, das ist es nur fair ist, warum Männer, Frauen verantwortlich, so wie sie wollen, zu uns halten müssen. Wenn ihr nicht so ein Standard-Doppelzimmer, wäre ich mehr gewillt sind, aber Frauen wollen in der Lage, weg mit zu viel.”

Leggs

January 26th, 2011
3:51 pm

And, seem like many men walked away from their chillins and their responsbiliies back in the day just as they do now. I don’t know which “time” is worse than the other, but free to guess this may go on until this world no longer exists!

Celisea

January 26th, 2011
3:52 pm

And no it’s not nostalgia, but rather moral and ethics, accountability, responsibility.

Sultana

January 26th, 2011
3:52 pm

@Lord – Real Frauen wollen reak Liebe …. so einfach ist es

For Real (Step Into My World)

January 26th, 2011
3:53 pm

Raqi: You do know that hospital are required to that a number of test when the baby is born right? If so, then what’s one more test? And trust me it happens wayyyyyy more than you want to believe. Here is a case of mines:

Dude and chick marry have 2 kids. The last kid is born during a time of discourse in the marriage. Eventually they divorce. Father setup child support and paid a for 3yrs. Well through the grapevine he hears that the last child isn’t his. It’s child’s godfather. So, he has a DNA test done and the grapevine is correct the child isn’t his. We go to court prove willful deceit and the ex confesses. The petition is made for child support paid for 3yrs and attorney’s fees. Judge comes back stating that although case was made for willful deceit, the father can’t sue the mother for the child support but he can sue godfather. Now, tell having that DNA test prior to issuance of the birth certificate wouldn’t have been helpful.

Raqi V

January 26th, 2011
3:54 pm

ForReal, I am not saying there are no trifling women that have wronged men. There are. Plenty of them. But how are you going to pull everybody into that web. If a man gets caught up in that situation that’s the price to pay for making a bad choice in that woman. When a woman gets caught with a trifling man that’s the price she has to pay.

But until you can fix the bigger problem (those many fathers not taking care of those that are theirs) stop trying to pull everyone into the same trash can to pacify a smaller problem.

Now I need to check my blood sugar…BRB.

Mo (aka Moeisha)

January 26th, 2011
3:54 pm

well dayum I see its hot in here!!! WHEW!!

Im speed reading to catch up b/c this looks like a great discussion

For Real (Step Into My World)

January 26th, 2011
3:55 pm

Raqi: “There are more women raising children alone because her husband walked away and never looked back or she made a bad choice in a sex partner that wants nothing to do with the life he helped create.” – So, I guess none of these women keep the man out their children lives to spite him huh? That is a naive statement.

Lord Velonese

January 26th, 2011
3:57 pm

@Sultana Nun, das ist noch nicht in der Mehrzahl der Frauen gesehen werden. Und sie durcheinander zu bringen für die wenigen.

SexyCool

January 26th, 2011
3:58 pm

LV – Wirklich, dude?

Jeder kann Google Translate. Es ist zu einfach.

Mo (aka Moeisha)

January 26th, 2011
3:58 pm

Leggs – “And, seem like many men walked away from their chillins and their responsbiliies back in the day just as they do now. I don’t know which “time” is worse than the other, but free to guess this may go on until this world no longer exists!” oh my parents and grandparents told many stories of men that had two families. Kids getting to high school and finding out so-n-so in their math class is a half-sister/brother. the women knew what was up but just remained as the wife/mistress and all these kids are out there.

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 26th, 2011
3:59 pm

@Raqi

Your childs blood was tested for at least AIDS and drugs minutes after birth; as was your fluid.

It’s SOP in most hospitals to do at least that.

Why not pin prick “the daddy” and use the same blood to run a standard DNA test? It may be a few weeks before the results come back, hey everybody’s happt/relieved at that point anyway.

Sultana

January 26th, 2011
3:59 pm

Demisia rodina je kvôli mužovi, nie starať sa o ich semená.

Ak samozrejme, všetko, čo má semeno je ovocie … to má robiť človek ovocie? lol

Sultana

January 26th, 2011
4:02 pm

@Lord – Herr, vielleicht hast du recht … aber ihr sind viele gute Frauen zu, verletzt.

For Real (Step Into My World)

January 26th, 2011
4:02 pm

Raqi: The laws of this land are in place due the actions of a few. So, yes pull everyone in. And to solve the problem of single women raising kids it’s simple. Mandatory joint custody (50/50) when both parents are viable and want 50/50 custody. Spit the financial burden of the child 50/50. Protect men’s parental right equally. Stop false accusations (the baby is his). Stop welfare for those that have more than one child. Now, no law or religion can stop two fools from making a baby.

Raqi V

January 26th, 2011
4:03 pm

Why not? What would be the objection to the DNA test?
Dan, seriously?

So you are standing there in the hospital with your woman/wife that just gave birth your beautiful baby boy lil Dan. You are ready to be a proud father but you won’t sign on the dotted until the DNA test results come back.

Seriously? A waiting room full of maybe fathers waiting on the DNA test results?

You don’t see anything callous and unemotional about that whole situation?

SexyCool

January 26th, 2011
4:04 pm

I personally know of a situation where a friend is going through a divorce and he sincerely wants to co-parent his son.

The ex is employing every trick in the book to get him declared an unfit parent. To date, he has spent upwards of $60K on legal fees and whatnot. At this point, he is facing financial ruin. He is asking himself what good is he going to be to the child if he cannot financially provide for himself or the child along with dealing with the fact of this resentment that he now harbors for his soon to be ex wife.

He is truly between a rock and a hard place.

Sultana

January 26th, 2011
4:04 pm

@Lord – Guten Abend meine liebe Freundin

Raqi V

January 26th, 2011
4:08 pm

ForReal, I am very much aware off all the blood work and what not that goes with a child being born.

I am tired now but I want to ask you what you plan on calling this DNA testing procedure? “Who’s The Pappy?” LOL

Hey staff we just had got octuplets in delivery room #5. Run get 8 of those “Who’s The Pappy?” swabs.

For Real (Step Into My World)

January 26th, 2011
4:10 pm

Scool: Exactly! The courts will send the po-po after a dude if he fails to pay his court ordered child support but they will absolutely nothing is she fails to comply with her court ordered visitation and she knows the courts wont do a dayum thing to her for not letting he see his kids.

Also, if you want to know where the mass exodus of men leaving their family came from look at welfare. It was a policy that if a man is in the house then welfare was denied.

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 26th, 2011
4:10 pm

@Raqi

No ma’am.

What I have seen as callous and immoral were a 12yo and an 18yo get told, via DNA test, that the men that had raised them their entire life – were not their biological father.

What I have seen is the devastation on all parties involved – except the mother(s) who conveniently said “well, I didn’t know.”

No recompense of child support, no apology (anger from both mothers in fact), and no way forward for what had been – until that moment – two sets of father and son.

So I could give a fugg about hurt fillings in a waiting or delivery room, cause trust me it hurts a helluva lot more later.

Leggs

January 26th, 2011
4:11 pm

@Mo ~ I know. My grandfather led a double life with two families.

@For Real ~ no matter what the stats prove to be both cases are heart wrenching…men who walk away from their children and women who keep the children away…Raqi V’s statement is not a naive one..it’s fact based. No matter if he walked away or she kept the children away due to vindictiveness, both scenarious still exist and will forever exist! As long as the human race exists there will be s k a n k women and trifling men. Only thing that changes in the game of life are the players!

Raqi V

January 26th, 2011
4:11 pm

SexyCool, personally I truly feel in situations like your friend’s the mother should be denied any financial help she tries to obtain from the father. Seriously I do. She shouldn’t get a red cent putting a willing father thru that.

Folks need to stop using their kids to try and hurt each other.

See ForReal I am for the father and mother when its warranted.

Mo (aka Moeisha)

January 26th, 2011
4:12 pm

Scool – I know of a couple of situtations similar to the one you mentioned. Women keeping the child away out of spite (pissed that she and old boy didnt work out, etc), women that simply want a check (child support, welfare) and those that just dont want anything to do with the father so the child suffers as well. Its a sad state of affairs.

For Real (Step Into My World)

January 26th, 2011
4:13 pm

“Who’s The Pappy?” – Naw in envision it being like that new million dollar drop game with the potential pappies standing there and chick has to answer questions about the dudes.

Host: So, which one of the pappies first name is Harrington?

Chick: Harrington? Let me see Ray-Ray, Man-Man, or D?

Da_Man!

January 26th, 2011
4:14 pm

BREAKING NEWS! An Atlanta Resident gets the taste slapped outta his mouf while dining at a local Buckhead eatery for lunch … Witnesses says there was a disturbing commotion between two men and several tables were flipped. One individual who didn’t want to be named said she heard a young lady, who was the apparent companion of the victim, cry out “Poppa, don’t hit him no more…”. Other witnesses are saying they may have seen Joey Greco from the infamous “Cheaters” television series on the scene but this has not been confirmed. People are also speculating that this young Lady was making plea to her husband. So far there are tastebuds everywhere and no one has been apprehended. More news at 11!

Leggs

January 26th, 2011
4:16 pm

@Dan ~ I’m feeling your entire post! Good one.

Raqi V

January 26th, 2011
4:18 pm

ForReal, see you did it again. That 4:13 implies that you think all women are hoing. LOL You just can’t stop can you.

The “Who’s The Pappy?” is strictly the test that you wanted so every man even when there is clearly no other man involved has to subject his new born babe to a “WTP” thanks to ForReal, Inc.

I am done with you. LOL

Raqi V

January 26th, 2011
4:19 pm

Dan, you need to choose better women then.

SexyCool

January 26th, 2011
4:19 pm

And yes…he does have to pay court order child support while all of this is going on.

And…she changes the conditions of visitation as it suits her schedule, and there is little that he can do about it because every time she does it, he knows that he racks up more in legal fees with his attorney to have to haul her into court.

At a point, he’d had a nice little nest egg built up and was doing fairly well for himself…now, he’s borrowing money from his parents to pay his attorney’s costs.

For a while, because she had accused him of being mentally unstable, he could only see his child on visits supervised by his parents.

It’s just a mess. He is considering throwing his hands up.

I don’t envy his position one bit. And cannot understand the woman that would do such a thing. It is reprehensible.

Celisea

January 26th, 2011
4:21 pm

“WTP” thanks to ForReal, Inc

Okay that was funny..LOL

For Real (Step Into My World)

January 26th, 2011
4:23 pm

Raqi: I know you think I hate women but I’m for both the mother and the father and the child. There is over 20yrs of social data that clearly states that children do better when there is involvement from both parents with the parents are together or not. If the laws take away the incentive for pushing one parent out of the child’s life you would see a tremendous drop in women taking care of their kid by themselves. Well that and if women would stop insisting that father do thing for the baby exactly the way she does them. Don’t hold the spoon that way. Don’t step with your left foot first when you walk him. Wipe his face left to right, not right to left. You are suppose to put his sock on last. Move I’ll do it myself.

Sounds familiar Raqi?

DJ Sniper

January 26th, 2011
4:23 pm

SexyCool, a buddy of mine got full custody of his daughter a few years ago due to her mother being an epic fail of a parent. The mother owes him all kinds of child support and hasn’t paid one single dime, yet somehow she gets to drag him back into court year after year to accuse him of some fabricated bulls**t. He has pleaded with the judge to prosecute her like he would a man, but she turns on the tears and the judge lets her off with a slap on the wrist. He doesn’t need the child support to get by, but it pisses him off to know that if the situation was reversed, he probably would have been tossed behind bars before he could even say a word to the judge.

It pisses me off when I hear situations of good fathers trying their d**mdest to be involved in their kids lives, only to be stonewalled by a vindictive mother and a judicial system that is biased against them from the jump.

Lord Velonese

January 26th, 2011
4:24 pm

@SC Kein Scheiß sherlok, ein Cookie für Sie.

Leggs

January 26th, 2011
4:24 pm

@SexyC ~ unfortunately, there are many women like her. The hurt in their hearts surpasses the love they have for the child and that should never be the case! I feel sorry for the child because they’re sitting back watching, reeling from the way it is all unfolding feeling helpless and trapped! What a way to grow up knowing one of your parents put their needs ahead of yours!

Raqi V

January 26th, 2011
4:28 pm

Wow. I am just trying to imagine the mindset of watching your wife’s belly grow for 9 months and the whole time you are thinking “I can’t accept this baby until I get the DNA test”.

That person don’t even need to be in a position of making a baby. Why you even skeeting in a woman you don’t trust. LOL

Yeah as SexyCool’s example has shown there are some deceitful women, but dang not even trusting the woman you are riding on the regular and spending the entire 9 months of pregnancy looking forward to the day you get to do the DNA? While living “happily” with this same woman?

Just wow.

SexyCool

January 26th, 2011
4:30 pm

Wie gewohnt, fügen Sie nichts von wirklichem Wert auf die Diskussion. Kick Felsen.

Raqi V

January 26th, 2011
4:30 pm

SexyCool, guys like that I feel sorry for. In those instances I wish the men could give the woman what she wants and her not get anything.

She is living to make his life hell that’s all. I guarantee if he stopped fighting for custody and go on about his business her stupid arse…dang that makes me angry.

For Real (Step Into My World)

January 26th, 2011
4:30 pm

Raqi: Well let me say this last thing to you. Considering you sons, there is a better than 85% chance that your sons will one day appear on WTP all because some chick thought she would be better off with one of your sons than dude with the burnt beard.

Mo (aka Moeisha)

January 26th, 2011
4:31 pm

DJ Sniper – “It pisses me off when I hear situations of good fathers trying their d**mdest to be involved in their kids lives, only to be stonewalled by a vindictive mother and a judicial system that is biased against them from the jump”. I will co-sign this 100%

Its really crazy but I get looked at like I have a third eye/grew 4 feet/turned into Medusa when most folks see how well the ex and I interact. I have been told ‘ya’ll just frontin for folks’, ‘ya’ll cant possibly get along that well’, ‘you arent pissed that his girlfriend came to Lil Mo’s game/ole boy aint trippin that you brought your friend to the game’ or my personal fav ‘ya’ll still flucking cause aint no way ex spouses could be that cool’. Instead of being the norm, we are an anomalie (sp) and I think that is crazy!! We have a child together…why cant Lil Mo be first and we handle that? I have joint custody (at my insistence) of Lil Mo because Lil Mo is the priority

Raqi V

January 26th, 2011
4:32 pm

ForReal, how many kids do you have?

Raqi V

January 26th, 2011
4:33 pm

ForReal, if he goes in raw that’s the price he must pay.

Remember I do have grandson.

For Real (Step Into My World)

January 26th, 2011
4:34 pm

Scool: I worked on case similar to your friend but with a catch. When she found out that dude would still have pay child support if the child wasn’t his, she dropped everything and filed a motion to deny his parent right due the fact the child wasn’t his. Case closed!!!! Pay your child support and be off sir.

Raqi V

January 26th, 2011
4:36 pm

I would say tomorrow you need to talk about something less serious but I have two doctor’s appointment so it won’t affect me no matter what the topic is.

WiseDiva have I told you lately Thank You. And my husband thanks you because I would be crazy sitting in this house all day talking to no one waiting for him to come home. Or calling him 10 times a day. LOL

For Real (Step Into My World)

January 26th, 2011
4:36 pm

Raqi: Two kids and I remember but what if you find out the child isn’t his?

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 26th, 2011
4:37 pm

@Raqi

It’s not the “women” or my woman – it’s human nature.

I too am flawed (hard to believe I know) as are you and everyone else walking this rock. And mistakes are made. How people deal with their mistakes is the measure of the person.

To sit here and state that you or any one else is above deceipt is faulty.

I can’t choose “better” women, and no offense, there are no “better” men.

For Real (Step Into My World)

January 26th, 2011
4:38 pm

“because I would be crazy sitting in this house all day talking to no one waiting for him to come home. Or calling him 10 times a day.” – I bet Mase bought you the fastest and most secure internet service available to NSA.

DJ Sniper

January 26th, 2011
4:42 pm

Mo, we are in agreement on that. I don’t understand why some people think that having an adversarial relationship with your ex is the norm. I guess people like that grew up in situations where the only thing they saw was ex’s duking it out in court and creating all kinds of drama for each other.

Leggs

January 26th, 2011
4:42 pm

@Mo ~ I can understand exactly where you’re coming from w/you ex. Me and mine are the same. Our child comes first and all divorces don’t have to end bitterly. We have to co-exist because of our children and it makes no damn sense to do it with bitter hearts.

For Real (Step Into My World)

January 26th, 2011
4:45 pm

Mo: I applaud you and I wish more couple would behave that way. It’s over you tried now move on and do what’s best for your kids cause it’s easier on both you to work together.

BlackMagicWoman

January 26th, 2011
4:48 pm

LORD….Ich bin 100% mit Ihnen einverstanden! 3:40

Mo (aka Moeisha)

January 26th, 2011
4:50 pm

DJ Sniper/Leggs – as a response to that mess I often ask people ’so it would be better if we were like MOST people, duking it out in court, fighting in front of the kid etc, even though we have decided not to be together?’ I mean c’mon now, kids dont ask to be brought here. And I personally think its crazy as hell for me to have been with my ex for 10yrs and had a child with him and all of sudden he aint worth a dayum (and nothing happened like him killing somebody, losing his mind, putting his hands on me, etc)

Leggs

January 26th, 2011
4:55 pm

@Mo ~ I may not like my ex very much, but lil leggs doesn’t need to know this. I make sure she is accessible to him any time he wants to do something with or for her! It is so much easier to get along than waste the energy staying mad. And, I don’t understand why drag someone in court for more child support who’s barely paying what’s already court ordered. So what you need more money. You know the saying :arrowL You can’t get blood from a turnip, but so many women will go for the jugular at any cost! Keep doing what you’re doing Mo. Our children will be better off!!!

Celisea

January 26th, 2011
4:55 pm

Wow…almost 10 pages…good discussions today :)

Leggs

January 26th, 2011
4:59 pm

“The true measure of a man is not how he behaves in moments of comfort and convenience but how he stands at times of controversy and challenges.” ~ Martin Luther King Jr.

Mo (aka Moeisha)

January 26th, 2011
5:01 pm

Leggs – I dont get it either. My cousin’s ex-girlfriend keeps hauling him in for child support and he’s never seen the kid. Im not taking up for cousin but I truly wonder why ole girl keeps wasting her time and energy! I mean my cousin is trifling, doesnt work..so she isnt getting any money. They lock cousin up a few days then he’s free to go and she still has no money. At some point let it go and move on. I cannot make someone be responsible.

As for the ex and I, we agree on Lil Mo and at this point that is all we have in common. So why not get along…..

Leggs

January 26th, 2011
5:04 pm

“…but I truly wonder why ole girl keeps wasting her time and energy!”

Perhaps it’s not being wasted to her. This may be the only time she gets to see him is when they’re in court! There are women whose self-esteem is so low they’ll do anything for a chance to put eyes on that person again (even under the guise of feeling contempt for that person).

Mo (aka Moeisha)

January 26th, 2011
5:09 pm

Leggs – maybe you have a point but I dont get it. Why be a glutton for punishment. Oh well…..

Ya’ll be easy, have a good one

Leggs

January 26th, 2011
5:11 pm

@Mo ~ the phrase exists for a reason…there are many diehards out there like her. :lol:

Leggs

January 26th, 2011
5:12 pm

Enjoy your evening, everyon! Night

Kym

January 26th, 2011
5:17 pm

I missed the last part of the discussion..dang..oh well there is always tomorrow.