Take benefits out of ‘Friends with benefits’?
I was sick all weekend so I didn’t venture out to see the latest romantic comedy, No Strings Attached. I was looking forward to seeing Hollywood’s latest take on: boy meets girl/two people pretending that casual sex is totally fun. I figured it could be highly entertaining, even if just for the hottie quotient with Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman.
I think one of the biggest misconceptions about casual hook-ups and no strings attached relationships is that this kind of thing is easy to set up. I don’t think it is. I am not sure it should be, though. Sidebar: Do married people ever assume that you have some outrageous sex life because you are free to hit the singles buffet?
I won’t argue for or against FWB arrangements but I am curious about the so called benefits of them. When you don’t have a desire to be in a relationship but you want physical needs met, how much work/effort do you put into making it work for you?
Perhaps I am over thinking here, but when there is no emotional connection (supposedly?), do you bother with the “friendly” part of friends with benefits? Do you think it works better when you just arrange time and locations as if you were negotiating a timeshare or something?
Have you ever tried friends with benefits? Did you have small-talk and do fun things outside the bedroom? Was it a friend of yours that became a FWB or did you meet someone and hook up then decided to keep it going?
I used to tease my guy friends that they had no right to look for all the ‘extras’ from hook-ups. Lingerie, candles, shaved legs (kidding…sort of.) and all those “beneficial” things should not be wasted on a FWB! What do you think? How many benefits are you entitled to?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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421 comments Add your comment
Raqi V
January 26th, 2011
4:32 pm
ForReal, how many kids do you have?
Raqi V
January 26th, 2011
4:33 pm
ForReal, if he goes in raw that’s the price he must pay.
Remember I do have grandson.
For Real (Step Into My World)
January 26th, 2011
4:34 pm
Scool: I worked on case similar to your friend but with a catch. When she found out that dude would still have pay child support if the child wasn’t his, she dropped everything and filed a motion to deny his parent right due the fact the child wasn’t his. Case closed!!!! Pay your child support and be off sir.
Raqi V
January 26th, 2011
4:36 pm
I would say tomorrow you need to talk about something less serious but I have two doctor’s appointment so it won’t affect me no matter what the topic is.
WiseDiva have I told you lately Thank You. And my husband thanks you because I would be crazy sitting in this house all day talking to no one waiting for him to come home. Or calling him 10 times a day. LOL
For Real (Step Into My World)
January 26th, 2011
4:36 pm
Raqi: Two kids and I remember but what if you find out the child isn’t his?
Dan - Simply...Superior
January 26th, 2011
4:37 pm
@Raqi
It’s not the “women” or my woman – it’s human nature.
I too am flawed (hard to believe I know) as are you and everyone else walking this rock. And mistakes are made. How people deal with their mistakes is the measure of the person.
To sit here and state that you or any one else is above deceipt is faulty.
I can’t choose “better” women, and no offense, there are no “better” men.
For Real (Step Into My World)
January 26th, 2011
4:38 pm
“because I would be crazy sitting in this house all day talking to no one waiting for him to come home. Or calling him 10 times a day.” – I bet Mase bought you the fastest and most secure internet service available to NSA.
DJ Sniper
January 26th, 2011
4:42 pm
Mo, we are in agreement on that. I don’t understand why some people think that having an adversarial relationship with your ex is the norm. I guess people like that grew up in situations where the only thing they saw was ex’s duking it out in court and creating all kinds of drama for each other.
Leggs
January 26th, 2011
4:42 pm
@Mo ~ I can understand exactly where you’re coming from w/you ex. Me and mine are the same. Our child comes first and all divorces don’t have to end bitterly. We have to co-exist because of our children and it makes no damn sense to do it with bitter hearts.
For Real (Step Into My World)
January 26th, 2011
4:45 pm
Mo: I applaud you and I wish more couple would behave that way. It’s over you tried now move on and do what’s best for your kids cause it’s easier on both you to work together.
BlackMagicWoman
January 26th, 2011
4:48 pm
LORD….Ich bin 100% mit Ihnen einverstanden! 3:40
Mo (aka Moeisha)
January 26th, 2011
4:50 pm
DJ Sniper/Leggs – as a response to that mess I often ask people ’so it would be better if we were like MOST people, duking it out in court, fighting in front of the kid etc, even though we have decided not to be together?’ I mean c’mon now, kids dont ask to be brought here. And I personally think its crazy as hell for me to have been with my ex for 10yrs and had a child with him and all of sudden he aint worth a dayum (and nothing happened like him killing somebody, losing his mind, putting his hands on me, etc)
Leggs
January 26th, 2011
4:55 pm
@Mo ~ I may not like my ex very much, but lil leggs doesn’t need to know this. I make sure she is accessible to him any time he wants to do something with or for her! It is so much easier to get along than waste the energy staying mad. And, I don’t understand why drag someone in court for more child support who’s barely paying what’s already court ordered. So what you need more money. You know the saying :arrowL You can’t get blood from a turnip, but so many women will go for the jugular at any cost! Keep doing what you’re doing Mo. Our children will be better off!!!
Celisea
January 26th, 2011
4:55 pm
Wow…almost 10 pages…good discussions today
Leggs
January 26th, 2011
4:59 pm
“The true measure of a man is not how he behaves in moments of comfort and convenience but how he stands at times of controversy and challenges.” ~ Martin Luther King Jr.
Mo (aka Moeisha)
January 26th, 2011
5:01 pm
Leggs – I dont get it either. My cousin’s ex-girlfriend keeps hauling him in for child support and he’s never seen the kid. Im not taking up for cousin but I truly wonder why ole girl keeps wasting her time and energy! I mean my cousin is trifling, doesnt work..so she isnt getting any money. They lock cousin up a few days then he’s free to go and she still has no money. At some point let it go and move on. I cannot make someone be responsible.
As for the ex and I, we agree on Lil Mo and at this point that is all we have in common. So why not get along…..
Leggs
January 26th, 2011
5:04 pm
“…but I truly wonder why ole girl keeps wasting her time and energy!”
Perhaps it’s not being wasted to her. This may be the only time she gets to see him is when they’re in court! There are women whose self-esteem is so low they’ll do anything for a chance to put eyes on that person again (even under the guise of feeling contempt for that person).
Mo (aka Moeisha)
January 26th, 2011
5:09 pm
Leggs – maybe you have a point but I dont get it. Why be a glutton for punishment. Oh well…..
Ya’ll be easy, have a good one
Leggs
January 26th, 2011
5:11 pm
@Mo ~ the phrase exists for a reason…there are many diehards out there like her.
Leggs
January 26th, 2011
5:12 pm
Enjoy your evening, everyon! Night
Kym
January 26th, 2011
5:17 pm
I missed the last part of the discussion..dang..oh well there is always tomorrow.