Break-up or get married?
I remember back in high school when I was dating my first love senior year. Everyone would say that we were either going to break up or get married. I remember it so vividly because it became a serious source of anxiety for me. After graduation, we didn’t break up or get married. We kept dating. Yes, that’s right. Door number 3 ..that nobody bothered to mention. I don’t know how I let people work me into a frenzy about stuff that was going to happen in the future!
I can see that little has changed though. I have noticed a couple of friends who have been dating a little over two years and already the chatter circling around dropping the “break up or get married” hints. I don’t think things are that simple. Maybe I’m being naive. We talked long-term potential yesterday, but should you know by the second year of dating if the person is right for you?
Does it always come down to breaking up or getting married? What’s behind door number 3?
What do you think is a realistic and reasonable time frame to determine if there is a future?
Do you think it’s a bad sign if there is no “future” talk in a relationship after you have been exclusively dating?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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263 comments Add your comment
kimmie
January 25th, 2011
11:58 am
I hate it when we talk about religion on here. I hope we’re not on this same road all day.
Everyone has a right to post what they want, I know. So do I.
AmazonRed™
January 25th, 2011
11:58 am
Dreams…that part was a joke.
PrincessNik
January 25th, 2011
11:59 am
Kym, thanks for answering me earlier.
DreamsMaterialize
January 25th, 2011
12:00 pm
Dreams…that part was a joke.
my bad. lol
Kym-The Steelers are the AFC Champs!
January 25th, 2011
12:00 pm
@Princess no problem..
AmazonRed™
January 25th, 2011
12:06 pm
That’s just an interpretation. The Bible doesn’t require us to have a ceremony.
Dreams – You asked the question, and that was my way of answering it. Yes, they were married. Clearly your mind was made up when you asked, so yeah, you might not be swayed. But the Bible promotes being marriage, no matter how you want to spin it differently.
i'm swiss™
January 25th, 2011
12:11 pm
“But the Bible promotes being marriage, no matter how you want to spin it differently.”
And it also endorses slavery, human sacrifice & following the instructions of inanimate objects. Just sayin’…
AmazonRed™
January 25th, 2011
12:16 pm
In addition to unconditional love, honor, courage and hope. Swiss.
i'm swiss™
January 25th, 2011
12:18 pm
“In addition to unconditional love, honor, courage and hope.”
Very true, ARed. But is it really necessary for these concepts to be mandated by an invisible man in the sky in order for us to agree they’re good?
AmazonRed™
January 25th, 2011
12:22 pm
Yes.
BlackMagicWoman
January 25th, 2011
12:26 pm
SWISS…you were married at Mrs. Swiss’s church right? Did it burn down?
I’m just messing with ya man!
DreamsMaterialize
January 25th, 2011
12:31 pm
Clearly your mind was made up when you asked, so yeah, you might not be swayed.
ARed As much as your mind was made up when you read the question. Also, I didn’t spin it, you did with your talk of ceremonies that the Bible doesn’t require. The Bible also promotes NOT being married.
And it also endorses slavery, human sacrifice & following the instructions of inanimate objects. Just sayin’…
swiss seems pretty accepting of polygamy too.
Kiss of a Rose
January 25th, 2011
12:32 pm
The goal in life is to find that person you want to grow old with. Period. The Bible says ‘it not good for man to be alone’. It too many woman and not enough man to commit to marriage. Both man and woman must understand that people want love and own property, and try to create this perfect life, for some it happens, but for other it doesn’t. Marriage is about loving that person at there worst, because when you get older you lose things, for example, health, jobs, cars, homes, and etc. If you are in a long term relationship more than 5 years, you need to get out quick. At the end of the day, it is all about trust, security, and respect. If you don’t have those 3 in a marriage or long term relationship, you have nothing.
Raqi V
January 25th, 2011
12:33 pm
I know I am late and all….
Kym, I read your question/comment but it’s been well over an hour and I have lost my steam for the debate now. LOL I am actually a little sleepy.
Lizzy came in with her crayon and paper wanting me to draw with her. I was drawing shapes and calling them out to her and she was just scribbling away. After about 5 sheets of paper of scribbling she got down and grabbed her v-tech. While I was trying to put each letter one after the other on the board for her to hear the pronunciation she kept pressing the button that plays the alphabet song. Then she wanted to start changing the channels on the television. We settled on Mickey Mouse and watched that while we ate lunch. Then we read “Belly Button” and “The Going to Bed Book”, both by Sandra Boynton who is an excellent children’s book author, until she fell asleep.
Sorry I got detoured. LOL
Hopefully the topic is much lighter by now.
Wise Diva
January 25th, 2011
12:40 pm
aww some of these comments are making me want to… maybe kind of get engaged …or something LOL
Raqi V
January 25th, 2011
12:40 pm
Therefore wives, it is god’s will that you “bone” your husbands regularly.
Swiss, you may be joking but sex is a right of a spouse in marriage. In fact the bible says that neither the man nor the woman shall deny their spouse sex except for fasting, praying and during the time of the woman’s cycle.
But I bet that is a part of the “Bible” you have no trouble accepting.
The Torah even states plainly that it’s a man’s duty as a husband to give his wife sex as often as she desires it. Most men may be horn dogs but the Jewish law lets us know that woman have needs too. LOL
Sorry WiseDiva, I didn’t mean to start the religious debates this morning but I just wanted to state my beliefs in the matter rather than just an opinion.
i'm swiss™
January 25th, 2011
12:41 pm
“you were married at Mrs. Swiss’s church right? Did it burn down?”
BMW — It didn’t burn down, but The Matterhorn transformed into a giant flaming serpent and smote all who dared to blaspheme against it.
Actually, I wouldn’t call it “Mrs. Swiss’s church,” since she had never been there before she saw the building & decided it was beautiful & she wanted to have the wedding there nor has she been back since. She’s not religious, either.
“seems pretty accepting of polygamy too.”
Dreams — And the church said, “amen.”
Kym-The Steelers are the AFC Champs!
January 25th, 2011
12:41 pm
@Raqi…no debate..I am practicing the art of “Not trying to every argument.” Plus you have to flat out accept that we are all different. Thank goodness… a world of like minded Stepford people..what kind of life is that?
Kym-The Steelers are the AFC Champs!
January 25th, 2011
12:43 pm
@Wisey..you are getting engaged? I wish people would tell me these things. Congrats lady!
Kym-The Steelers are the AFC Champs!
January 25th, 2011
12:44 pm
oh that should read..not trying to WIN every argument. I am ready for lunch or a nap or both myself.
Wise Diva
January 25th, 2011
12:45 pm
No engagement for me *shudder* …not on the horizon yet
AmazonRed™
January 25th, 2011
12:46 pm
Also, I didn’t spin it, you did with your talk of ceremonies that the Bible doesn’t require. The Bible also promotes NOT being married.
Where did I use the word REQUIRE? It was an answer to the question about if they were married and offered rationale as to why I think they were.
You came back with “interpretation” well duh…seeing as none of us were there, it has to be. Nowhere was I codemning anyone or forcing anyone to see it my way.
Raqi V
January 25th, 2011
12:49 pm
*shudder*???
What the heck was that? LOL Like being engaged is a bad thing.
You know I was only engaged for 10 days…
Raqi V
January 25th, 2011
12:52 pm
Kym, neither am I trying to win every argument. And yes we all have different beliefs.
On a different note…My son reminded me this morning that he will be 16 in 9 days and I need to start looking for a driver’s ed course for him to complete his 30 hours and 40 hours on the road driving experience. LOL
He will be officially(crossing fingers) moving to the next step of Class D license. For me that is good and bad. LOL
i'm swiss™
January 25th, 2011
12:53 pm
“But I bet that is a part of the “Bible” you have no trouble accepting. “
I think having sex with one’s spouse is a very good idea. And there are plenty of other lessons to be gleaned from the bible which I think are very constructive, as with any other great work of literature. What I do not “accept” however, is the notion that the book is the literal, infallible, indisputable word of “god,” because that — blindly submitting to something with complete disregard for reality — is a very dangerous thing, in my opinion, as it can provide justification for a lot of pretty heinous crap. And that is true of anything that people accept without question — whether it’s religious dogma, political ideology, etc.
Don’t get me wrong, I recognize that the vast majority of religious folk are very good people. But so are the vast majority of non-religious folk. I just think one shouldn’t need to be brainwashed into fearing fire & brimstone to be motivated to be a good person.
DreamsMaterialize
January 25th, 2011
12:56 pm
Lizzy came in with her crayon and paper wanting me to draw with her.
Raqi that’s much more interesting than religious debate. So, what avenue of education have you all chosen for the kiddies? Public, private, home?
i'm swiss™
January 25th, 2011
12:56 pm
Okay, I don’t know what blog filter didn’t like about my attempted posts (logic, perhaps?), but two tries is my limit…
Raqi V
January 25th, 2011
1:01 pm
DreamsMat, our 15 yr old is presently in private school. Has been since day one. I am hoping for the same for Lizzy but I have not gotten the full details on the schools in the Mechanicsville area. Richmond is only about a 15 minute drive away so that area will be considered when deciding on a school for her.
Raqi V
January 25th, 2011
1:02 pm
Which ever route we find for Lizzy the next little bean will follow.
i'm swiss™
January 25th, 2011
1:02 pm
Wise — Help me understand this… I know I push the envelope on here quite a bit, but what was it, exactly, in my attempted posts that triggered the filter? There’s not one evenly mildly objectionable word anywhere in there…
BlackMagicWoman
January 25th, 2011
1:03 pm
“You know I was only engaged for 10 days…”
RAQI…that is the shortest engagement ever!
And he hasn’t stopped knocking you up since! 
SWISS….I swear you crap me up!
KYM…oh nooooooo another teen driver on the roads! Watch out there now!
RAQI…at my job we have the cutest books. One is “I’m a Big Sister”. That is perfect for Lizzy!
Raqi V
January 25th, 2011
1:05 pm
I am getting ready to put the movie Fracture. Have any of you seen it? Is it worth me taking the dvd out of the case, getting up, walking over the dvd player, pressing the open button, putting the dvd in, pressing the button to close, walking back to the bed, sitting down and pressing play?
Raqi V
January 25th, 2011
1:07 pm
BlackMagic, yes very short. But we both knew it’s what we want. He would have never asked if he didn’t want it and I would have never said yes. Heck girl we had dated for over 4 years what was there to wait on? LOL We probably would have done it the very next day had that been possible.
i'm swiss™
January 25th, 2011
1:08 pm
Hmmm… can I say “brimstone?”
i'm swiss™
January 25th, 2011
1:09 pm
Nope, that wasn’t it…
kimmie
January 25th, 2011
1:12 pm
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/01/24/steve-harveys-exwife-lash_n_813244.html
Check this out. Steve’s past is coming back to haunt.
DreamsMaterialize
January 25th, 2011
1:12 pm
Raqi You have one at UM too, right? Did he go to private school? How would you compare his experience with that of the 15 year old? I’m just curious because I’m trying to map out options for mine. I’ve been looking into private shools pretty seriously.
i'm swiss™
January 25th, 2011
1:13 pm
See, this is why I tend to stick to clowning on here. Anytime I try to make a serious, logical post, with no freaky undertones, it goes straight into the blog black hole…
Oh well, who wants to talk about puddy?
DreamsMaterialize
January 25th, 2011
1:15 pm
Anytime I try to make a serious, logical post, with no freaky undertones, it goes straight into the blog black hole…
swiss I’m surprised it didn’t filter out “logical”. haha
i'm swiss™
January 25th, 2011
1:16 pm
It’s a blog conspiracy, isn’t it Wise? I’ve been type-cast as “That Crazy Whiteboy.”
Know your role! 
Tafna Taylor
January 25th, 2011
1:19 pm
Hello everybody, Normally I read along but wanted to say reading opinions from different people and backgrounds is interesting. No one should be bothered by various opinions and thoughts. Keep up the good work!
Raqi V
January 25th, 2011
1:23 pm
Yes DreamsMat at UniMich. He went to public school. At one time while he was in Dunwoody High I gave him the option to transfer to private school but he didn’t want to. He had pretty good teacher at Dunwoody but I do prefer the private school environment better. I wouldn’t private school teachers care more because a good teacher is a good teacher, but the private school teacher care more.
I honestly don’t know if those teacher are taken into a room and told ‘look these folks are giving us x amount of dollars for their kids to be educated so don’t let them down’ or what but my 15 year old is a head of where my oldest was at this stage. Some of the courses he is taking being in the 10th grade is some of the same stuff the hub was helping the oldest with in the 12th.
And private schools have smaller class size that what public schools have. Well the school that mine attend does.
Raqi V
January 25th, 2011
1:25 pm
It’s funny how we parents do all we can to get our kids into good university and once in we do all we can to motivate them to get out. LOL Not drop out but graduate.
Celisea
January 25th, 2011
1:25 pm
but the private school teacher care more.
Is that your interpretation? I kid I kid…ha ha ha ha ha
Raqi V
January 25th, 2011
1:26 pm
Anytime I try to make a serious, logical post
That’s because the filter does not recognize you when you do that. LOL
Raqi V
January 25th, 2011
1:30 pm
Celisea, you could say it is my interpretation however having dealt with both I can attest to the one being more “dedicated” than some others. Don’t get me wrong my oldest did have some good teachers but I like more of the teachers at my youngers than I did at Dunwoody. I could be wrong though.
Raqi V
January 25th, 2011
1:32 pm
I am sleepy. If yall need me for anything just tap on the screen. Don’t knock to hard or you will wake the baby. LOL
Celisea
January 25th, 2011
1:32 pm
Raqi – The devil made me write that
Nah, I agree…IMO, just an opinion, private schools are much better.
i'm swiss™
January 25th, 2011
1:33 pm
Private school parents also tend to care more. Makes it much easier to be a motivated teacher when you know the parents are working with you. That’s not the case in many public schools. It takes a special person not to get frustrated/burned out and give up in a lot of public schools. Most of us couldn’t do it (myself included).
kimmie
January 25th, 2011
1:36 pm
If you’re paying your money, it BETTER be BETTER. And yes, swiss, strong parent involvement has a lot to do with a successful school, public or private!