Break-up or get married?
I remember back in high school when I was dating my first love senior year. Everyone would say that we were either going to break up or get married. I remember it so vividly because it became a serious source of anxiety for me. After graduation, we didn’t break up or get married. We kept dating. Yes, that’s right. Door number 3 ..that nobody bothered to mention. I don’t know how I let people work me into a frenzy about stuff that was going to happen in the future!
I can see that little has changed though. I have noticed a couple of friends who have been dating a little over two years and already the chatter circling around dropping the “break up or get married” hints. I don’t think things are that simple. Maybe I’m being naive. We talked long-term potential yesterday, but should you know by the second year of dating if the person is right for you?
Does it always come down to breaking up or getting married? What’s behind door number 3?
What do you think is a realistic and reasonable time frame to determine if there is a future?
Do you think it’s a bad sign if there is no “future” talk in a relationship after you have been exclusively dating?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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263 comments Add your comment
Kym-The Steelers are the AFC Champs!
January 25th, 2011
10:35 am
@Raqi but each and every faith out there has taken what they believe is the law of God and established it as right, just and holy. From slavery to interracial marriage each and every faith has had all the answers. Most of the time wrong answers..but I digress. I choose to believe..scratch that I know it to be true that if God needs to have a conversation with Kym..because he/she is omnipotent(I love that word) there is no need for an interpreter or mediator. If he/she needs to get to me..he/she knows where I am and the message is pretty clear..straight with no chaser.
BlackMagicWoman
January 25th, 2011
10:43 am
KIMMIE…you are stepping into a big role…a wife and mother. But 3 years has given you great practice. And with him, he had to make sure his young children were ok with him getting married and bringing them a new mom. I am thankful I still have my mom. But I know as a young child to lose your mom…and then dad brings a new lady in (no matter how much time has passed) is hard. For your “friend” to say something about you replacing her was just poor taste and mean! I know you will be a great mom to those kids as well as the ones you have have with him if you choose to. They know that you are not trying to replace mom….just fill in and love them just as much as she did to make sure that they grow up happy and well-loved! I love d the proposal…”will you marry us”? CUTE! Congrats again!
AmazonRed™
January 25th, 2011
10:43 am
Morning all –
I want to be married because that’s what is important to me. I don’t want to have children out of wedlock because that is what is important to me. Period.
But yes, I am a Christian and that does influence my thought process. Yes I could date forever, yes, I could have babies with men who aren’t my husband. I don’t go for that tho.
AmazonRed™
January 25th, 2011
10:44 am
You ever notice that happy people don’t really care about how you living?
Nope. Plenty of happy people, no matter what their relationship status, still have a right to their opinions.
me
January 25th, 2011
10:44 am
“blocking each other’s blessings” Kim but sowing the seeds of messing up the kids’ life!
What’s joker gonna do with the kids after he’s moved on, found another hussy, and the drama level in your life has increased tenfold? How’s your new beau, should you find one, feel about another joker’s kids always running around needing “someone” and you don’t have enough time for him? huh?
people wanna mess around and play around – with no commitment involved – then drop kids like they’re cute little cookies to enjoy yet do NOT consider the consequences of the kids emotional and psychological development. but what do I know. maybe the kids will grow up better developed than the obama children.
or maybe not!
and kim, how many men will come through your bedroom’s revolving door?
me
January 25th, 2011
10:46 am
sorry kim. that was meant for SOMETHING TO SAY
Raqi V
January 25th, 2011
10:47 am
Kym, I asked my parents when I was teenager about all the many religions and beliefs in the world today. I remember my mom telling me to look and she what religions/faiths/beliefs I read about in the bible. I found Judaism/Hebrew and Christianity/Protestant. She pointed me to where Islam began however showed me where they continually fought against God’s people. So there are only 3 noted in the bible.
So yeah many have come along and branched off from the originals however in doing so I believe they altered the laws and beliefs to suit what they wanted for them.
Many of those religions serve idols which is against the laws of God.
atlmom
January 25th, 2011
10:56 am
I think that if you want to have kids, you should probably get married. I guess that’s not PC, but really, it’s better for everyone overall. If not, well, then, if everyone in the relationship is happy with where it is, wherever that is, then don’t worry about what anyone else thinks…
cba
January 25th, 2011
10:57 am
Yesterday was my 30th and I agree with Raqi’s 9:52. I could post that everyday with her has been like living on cloud 9 but I don’t like BSing. If you believe in the teachings of the bible, you would know man is imperfect. Adam and Eve took care of that. So if we are ALL imperfect, from day one, why should you expect marriage or any other components of life to be perfect. However, we can strive to live our lives based on religious/ spritual/ or common sense principals.
This topic reminds me of Neil Boortz not discussing abortion because you are not going to sway anyone opinion; pro or con.
Kym-The Steelers are the AFC Champs!
January 25th, 2011
10:59 am
@Raqi..but that is just it.. there are Eastern beliefs that are often overlooked as if they are not important to our human history. So how do we just discount those faiths and beliefs? They have been around just as long if not longer than the others and many of the themes in Christian religion also exist in Eastern beliefs. How can any society step in an decide that one civilation’s(sp) history is completely wrong?
I say it all the time. The greatest gift and joke every played on the human race was sticking hundreds of nations of people all together on one big blue ball spining in space and saying hey figure out how to live together, cause guess what..the only way you jokers are getting off this ride is you die. Good luck.
DreamsMaterialize
January 25th, 2011
11:01 am
To say that it can’t is saying that God is flawed or he made a mistake. It’s us people that are flawed.
GOD allows HIS creations to be flawed and beset with original sin. Does that make HIM flawed?
So there are only 3 noted in the bible.
That’s because Hebrews got their concepts of religion from other ancient societies that existed long before they did. The Biblical representation of spirituality was not unique.
kimmie
January 25th, 2011
11:03 am
BMW – Thank you so much! Your kind words mean a lot. You get it! I would tell folks all the time, it’s not just about him, it’s the children. They were 4 & 6 when their mom died! He had to be careful. I so understood that!
AmazonRed™
January 25th, 2011
11:03 am
He was saying just in general people are turned off these days at doing what’s right. Not right by society or even family standards but right according to what was established by The Almighty for men and women to do.
Raqi – I agree.
One of my friends really wanted to get married. They’ve been living together for several years. He was happy with the arrangement and hadn’t proposed. She wasn’t putting any requirements on him to do so either.
Well, she gets pregnant and voices her displeasure about not being married. In the meantime, she announces her pregnancy and someone asks: well when are yall gonna be married?
Now she’s offended someone asked if she was gonna marry the man who lives with her and knocked her up.
Come on now. Then I hear, “that’s such the old fashioned way….” But she’s always wanted to be married.
Dan - Simply...Superior
January 25th, 2011
11:05 am
Oh, Raqi
Let’s not get into the history of Religion…
Kym-The Steelers are the AFC Champs!
January 25th, 2011
11:07 am
I know I am gonna regret this comment but here goes.
@Dreams..I was watching a History Channel documentary on the History of Sex and the Karma Sutra..(insert regret here) and they talked about how one the markings on many of the ancient temples in India where older than Christ and that at some point (insert second point of regret here) the act of sex was actually a act of worship. That the different positions mention in the Karma Sutra were ways to achieve a connection with God.
Go ahead swiss I know I brought this one on myself…LOL!!
Celisea
January 25th, 2011
11:10 am
He was saying just in general people are turned off these days at doing what’s right. Not right by society or even family standards but right according to what was established by The Almighty for men and women to do.
I agree too…but of course ya’ll know this already
Lighten up folks, it’s a blog, please continue with your thoughts on door 1, 2 or 3 
i'm swiss™
January 25th, 2011
11:12 am
“Go ahead swiss I know I brought this one on myself…”
Kym — That post was such a good set up, I think it’s almost better just to leave it to everyone’s imaginations…
Of course, I’m glad you brought that up, because I do love to worship at the alter of puddy as often as possible — laying hands, anointing with my holy spirits, and of course, wielding my rod and staff…
BlackMagicWoman
January 25th, 2011
11:14 am
Religion is supposed to bring out the best in people…but it brings out the worst. Everybody fighting and killing and harming other’s in the name or religion. Who’s to say who’s religion is right or wrong. For all we know…we all could be wrong. I am spiritually Christian. But do I agree with all it’s teachings…nope! The Bible has been “translated” many times over. And let’s face it…separation of church and state was not part of society. So who’s to say everything you read is the truth and has not been tainted? I will try to continue to be a good person. I was blessed with a good heart that sometimes gets me taken advantage of. But that’s God in my heart! Religion has kept two people who love each other from being together. Religion…it can bring out the beauty…or the beast!
kimmie
January 25th, 2011
11:14 am
that’s such the old fashioned way
Amred – That’s a classic case of a woman going against her own values to go along with a man. Sad. I would have more respect if she just said she didn’t know when they were getting married and admitted that’s not how she wanted to do things.
When it comes to my values, I don’t care what’s “in fashion”. I tell SO & his family all the time I’m old school about a lot of things. A lot of the old school ways still work. More than often, I am proven to be correct.
Vic
January 25th, 2011
11:17 am
I think marriage is the ultimate committment in a relationship. I believe marriage is for eveyone, but not everyone should get married. Some people can’t be committed to only one person for the rest of their lives, others can’t think of their significant other first and be selfless, etc.
Kym-The Steelers are the AFC Champs!
January 25th, 2011
11:19 am
@Swiss..I knew I was in for it. But I am really fascinated by Eastern cultural..and I spend alot of time watching the History Channel. I thought it was pretty wild that Karma Sutra moves were on the temples of worship..and how the society in India has gotten so modest when apparently thousands of years before they were on a whole other level.
BlackMagicWoman
January 25th, 2011
11:19 am
ARED…your friend is settling. Why should he be the only one getting what he wants? Now there is a child involved. I’m not sayig get married because you are pregnant. However…was the plan to get pregnant and hope that it would make him step up?
KYM..I too watched that program. It was very interesting.
SWISS…to the bad boy corner….STAT!
AmazonRed™
January 25th, 2011
11:23 am
“Were Adam and Eve married?”
Yes. They were wed though God though the creation of Eve. Eve is physically a part of Adam, taken from his rib (which is why women have an extra, exept for Janet Jackson who had some of hers removed
). The Bible states: “At last, this is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh.” Therefore, they didn’t need a “ceremony” to ask God to unify them it was already done for them through Eve’s creation.
So in modern day times, we are left to have ceremonies to experience the same type of unity given to Adam and Eve by God.
i'm swiss™
January 25th, 2011
11:26 am
“and how the society in India has gotten so modest when apparently thousands of years before they were on a whole other level.”
Um… I don’t know if I agree with you on that “modest” bit… I had some run-ins with some Indian chics in my younger days, and let’s just say I wouldn’t describe them as “modest…”
Also, have you checked the population figures? There’s some serious f__king going on over there… 
AmazonRed™
January 25th, 2011
11:26 am
ARED…your friend is settling. Why should he be the only one getting what he wants? Now there is a child involved. I’m not sayig get married because you are pregnant. However…was the plan to get pregnant and hope that it would make him step up?
BMW – I honestly don’t know but I’m suspicious of course. She’s a really great girl to him and she stays in shape, has her own life and cooks like a champ.
Apparently, he had told her that he’d be okay with her “forgetting” to take her birth control and they went on vacation and she indeed did forget.
He did propose to her after the stick turned positive. And now they are engaged.
AmazonRed™
January 25th, 2011
11:27 am
kimmie – Nods head on your 11:14.
But now that you’ve weighed in on my friends situation, you know you can’t possibly be happy in your life you know.
i'm swiss™
January 25th, 2011
11:29 am
“At last, this is now bone of my bones…”
Incidentally, this is also the origin of the expression, “boning.” Therefore wives, it is god’s will that you “bone” your husbands regularly.
Carry on.
Kym-The Steelers are the AFC Champs!
January 25th, 2011
11:31 am
@Wisey..I promise I didn’t try to get swiss started. I promise.
@Swiss..you are right crazy. I have no knowledge of Indian women..I just know they are modest now because of what I have seen in Bollywood movies.
kimmie
January 25th, 2011
11:31 am
So many women have made the mistake of thinking that letting a guy know they wish to marry will run him off. I was very guilty of that. Like Amred said in her earlier post, her friend did not make marriage a requirement.
So what if he’s scared off? You’re not getting what you want anyway. You don’t have to discuss the 5 kids and the big house you want on date 1, but early on. Let him know that you’d like to marry one day. Find out if you two have similiar goals. If you don’t, it’s not a big deal. A few years of shacking and a few pregnacies later…..doesn’t make sense.
i'm swiss™
January 25th, 2011
11:32 am
I just called Mrs. Swiss & told her to hurry home today so I could “anoint” her.
AmazonRed™
January 25th, 2011
11:33 am
Swiss!!!
kimmie
January 25th, 2011
11:33 am
Amred – I’m not happy at all!!
BlackMagicWoman
January 25th, 2011
11:35 am
SWISS…
Oh I just can’t!
Beautiful
January 25th, 2011
11:39 am
i think all the time how wonderful it would be if i can live without feeling the void of NOT having a soulmate/husband. my pastor’s wife stated to me *because you’re in the FLESH! this is the reason the feeling is there.* i feel sometimes that all of that energy can be useful somewhere else. i’m dating now, but it’s not the same. he’s wonderful… blah blah blah. but i can’t wake up next to him every morning, etc.
AmazonRed™
January 25th, 2011
11:40 am
but i can’t wake up next to him every morning, etc.
Is he an inmate?
Just be patient, Angie, it all takes time.
farmer ted
January 25th, 2011
11:42 am
why buy the cow when the milk is free?
Woody Bass
January 25th, 2011
11:43 am
I do not understand this fascination with getting married. Its a sham.. has been for years. It doesnt prove your marriage is anymore committed than if you were not. Divorce has proven that.
People.. that lil piece of paper doesnt mean jack squat. You dont need a piece of paper to prove you are in love nor that you are in a committed relationship.
DreamsMaterialize
January 25th, 2011
11:44 am
How can any society step in an decide that one civilation’s(sp) history is completely wrong?
Kym Well that’s pretty much what the Council of Nicea did with the Bible. They got together and voted on what should be included/excluded from the Bible. Most Eastern Christians were not invited to this meeting.
So in modern day times, we are left to have ceremonies to experience the same type of unity given to Adam and Eve by God.
That’s just an interpretation. The Bible doesn’t require us to have a ceremony.
Beautiful
January 25th, 2011
11:44 am
Swiss… you’re cute!
Beautiful
January 25th, 2011
11:46 am
ARed… i’m rollin’! cause he’s a chef at the prison in Sac.
Beautiful
January 25th, 2011
11:51 am
funny how my ex (son’s father) is a LT at one prison… and i have a chef a hour down the road at another. LOL!
DreamsMaterialize
January 25th, 2011
11:52 am
taken from his rib (which is why women have an extra, exept for Janet Jackson who had some of hers removed
Women have the same number of ribs as men. Some (like less than 1%) men AND women have an extra rib.
Kym-The Steelers are the AFC Champs!
January 25th, 2011
11:52 am
@Dreams yeah I know…it is why I find it so annoying that people are so willing to accept only a small versions of the truth as the gospel.
TenderRoni
January 25th, 2011
11:54 am
Is it afternoon??
I think the break-up or marriage thang is up to the two in that relationship. You have to see where you are in life and what fits.
I don’t think a realistic time frame for me will be the same realistic time frame for the man I’m with. I think you should take time communicate values, directions, and plans to see if the both of you are on the same page and if each still has the willingness to stay committed. Then make rational decision to stay and work on the relationship or move on.
I won’t necessarily call it a bad sign, but lack of communication of the future involving me can lead to false assumptions, and uncertainy which neither I want to have floating in my head.So, yeah if we have taken the step to be exclusive, I would want to eventually discuss what the next step would be. Its about being on the same page.
Ok, back to work.
@Raqi- I know I’m late but your posts early, you was droppin that science on them
DreamsMaterialize
January 25th, 2011
11:54 am
I just called Mrs. Swiss & told her to hurry home today so I could “anoint” her.
swiss don’t forget the annointing oil. lol It also helps to speak in “tongues” during the ritual. lol
Kym-The Steelers are the AFC Champs!
January 25th, 2011
11:55 am
Just got this quote and found it quite timely for the topic today..”It’s amazing what we will let other people make us believe about ourselves.”
AmazonRed™
January 25th, 2011
11:56 am
i’m rollin’! cause he’s a chef at the prison in Sac.
Wait a minute Angie…didn’t your ex also work at a prison?
But yeah, Sac is far…
Celisea
January 25th, 2011
11:57 am
………he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,[5] And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? [6] Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
Actually and further to ARed’s 11:23, God performed the first “ceremony” so yeah, a ceremony would be needed and is required….in order to stick and be considered the real thing. I mean you ain’t gotta break and take bones but you do ceremoniously when exchanging vows
Celisea
January 25th, 2011
11:58 am
why buy the cow when the milk is free?
Another reason folks might wanna get married…lol
BlackMagicWoman
January 25th, 2011
11:58 am
BEAUTIFUL…what is it with you and prison men?