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Playing for keeps: Long-term potential important?

The dating scene in Atlanta can feel about as solid as a Krispy Kreme donut some days. The fact is, there are plenty of single people mixing and mingling with each other. We meet. We flirt. We swap numbers. Yada yada yada. But how many of them have long-term potential?

Yes, I know long-term is not the sexiest word to those of you who have an aversion to commitment. It’s like this scary word that you barely want to utter around people who “are out to have a good time” or keep it light.

Well, dating “light” is great for a while, no pressure, no expectations. I have nothing against fun and light, really? I just know that at some point you figure out that the Mr/Miss Right Now can slowly become The One. Especially after you two have spent significant time together. You didn’t plan it, it just sort of naturally happened. So now what?

How do you figure out when someone has long-term potential if you didn’t really bother checking for it in the beginning?

Do you consider long-term potential important when you meet someone and go out with them?

Ideally, what type of person has long-term potential?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Blog

317 comments Add your comment

SlimNumeroUno

January 24th, 2011
2:57 pm

Dan – if someone always called to say, please hold this for me, then you have every right, at that point, to be suspicious. Unless something falls between the couch cushions or under the bed or something then your stuff should be in plain sight.

Leggs – That’s just how it appeared that he was looking. He might’ve been making sure I didn’t miss anything too. :lol:

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 24th, 2011
3:00 pm

@Slim

It’s a fine line anyway, like did you think he could’ve been hoping you left something behind?

kimmie

January 24th, 2011
3:03 pm

Slim/Dan – The first night I spent over SO’s, I left my watch on the nightstand. It’s not a Rolex or anything, but I like it. I genuinely forgot it, but then, I frequently forget to put on my watch anyway, until I’m in the car on the way to work or whereever!

But how many times can you “forget” panties, bra’s, etc? The whole thing is just disgusting and obvious. They belong straight in the trash!

DreamsMaterialize

January 24th, 2011
3:06 pm

If it’s that important, do something about it.
kimmie I agree. If you’re comfortable with the choices you’ve made, then be confident in that and don’t worry about what anyone else thinks. If you’re not comfortable with your choices, then make different choices. Either way, I don’t want to hear the negativity.

AmazonRed™ - Aaron Rodgers is that dude!

January 24th, 2011
3:06 pm

I’m finally over leaving panties and stuff….

I’m still tripping off of letting a man you’ve known for two months get you an apartment, furnature etc.
I’m just floored.

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 24th, 2011
3:07 pm

@Kimmie

Like I say, leave “it” (whatever it may be) once, twice; all good. Random stuff and random times, get randomly discarded.

SlimNumeroUno

January 24th, 2011
3:12 pm

‘like did you think he could’ve been hoping you left something behind?’

Dan – It is a fine line…but with regards to my situation, I honestly do not think it matters at this point whether I leave something or not. I mean i can be over there anywhere from 2-4 days out of a week/weekend.

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 24th, 2011
3:15 pm

@Slim

It would matter to me.

If you at the house that much why not leave some stuff? I’m not saying move in, but for me, once you reach that 2-4 day a week limit you should feel more comfortable in my home than not.

But hey, I’m sentimental.

Leggs

January 24th, 2011
3:16 pm

@SlimNU ~ stay with the positive side…his disbelief that you weren’t leaving anything. :lol:

@Dan ~ curious. Have you ever lived with a woman beside your mother?

DreamsMaterialize

January 24th, 2011
3:17 pm

I think I want to visit Kiev next summer. I heard that place is awesome.

Kym-Yeah uh huh you know what it is...

January 24th, 2011
3:21 pm

@Ared..hold up did I miss something..someone is getting furniture after two months..uhhh Where they do that at? or better yet..what kind of tricks do you have to do to get that?

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 24th, 2011
3:22 pm

@Leggs

Yeap, never more than a year consecutively though.

Raqi V

January 24th, 2011
3:22 pm

I know I am late but…

kimmie, wow. She is being very narrow-minded. Or maybe she has fallen victim to reading to many crap articles/blogs/forums or listening to too many “relationship” gurus talk about how good men only want women with great educations and finances that match their own. So many poor souls are falling victim to that nonsense and cheating themselves out of true love.

There are still some good men and women out there that don’t judge a person’s core qualities, character and ability to truly love them based on their educational background and financial earnings.

You friend has sadly allowed herself to be misguided.

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 24th, 2011
3:24 pm

@Leggs

Why do you ask?

AmazonRed™ - Aaron Rodgers is that dude!

January 24th, 2011
3:27 pm

Kym – Of course our girl Angie came with that one. She says that she is single because she compares men to her ex, who started tricking off cash to her from jump street and that it spoiled her.

kimmie

January 24th, 2011
3:31 pm

You friend has sadly allowed herself to be misguided.

Raqi – Yes she has. She’s getting better and I try to be the best friend I can, but it’s a struggle.

Celisea

January 24th, 2011
3:32 pm

Random stuff and random times, get randomly discarded.

I guess “random” would be the core of all this convo on leaving stuff behind. Cause if we’re smashing, the assumption is I’m your one and only. No way am I gonna be polite and tell you I left something. We’re a couple, I’ll get it when I come back over or you can bring when you come over. If you’re smashing others and obviously behind my back, the onus is on you to keep your playa status in tip top.

Mr Kinte

January 24th, 2011
3:36 pm

I don’t know…it could just be me, but isn’t the fun of dating and meeting people the fact that you don’t know where they will really fit in the long-term or even if there will be a long term. Granted no one likes to waste their time with someone they don’t even like after those first few moments together, but once you realize you enjoy their company, do you care if it will be long-term? This sounds more like an high profile job interview than developing a relationship. The comments about leaving items at someone’s place is really crazy to me. Hell, I can’t leave stuff at my folks’ house too long before I’m getting calls about whether/not I want what I left because its about to be thrown out.

Question for the everybody…if it does come off like you’re being heavily screened, are you within your right to want to know what benefits come with you continuing to spend time or date this person? Do you put your demands on the table then too?

Food for thought

AmazonRed™ - Aaron Rodgers is that dude!

January 24th, 2011
3:37 pm

She knows that my SO is attorney, and went to Morehouse and Emory Law.

kimmie – I read the story about your friend, but all I really focused on was the above. Does your fiance have any single friends? :D

AmazonRed™ - Aaron Rodgers is that dude!

January 24th, 2011
3:38 pm

Hell, I can’t leave stuff at my folks’ house too long before I’m getting calls about whether/not I want what I left because its about to be thrown out.

:lol:

SlimNumeroUno

January 24th, 2011
3:38 pm

If someone wanted to purchase all that type stuff for me that early in the game, I’d be very weary that he was postioning himself to control me.

Leggs

January 24th, 2011
3:40 pm

@Dan ~ Because I want to live with you. I kid, I kid. Seriously, certain things you say just had me wondering if you ever been that intimate with a woman where you actually shared everything in your life with that person. Living together will have you doing that!

I need a Fanta Orange…

Raqi V

January 24th, 2011
3:41 pm

I just read an interesting and so true statement over at ChaPan. Pan is talking about how well do couples really know each other. The first thing I loved about his entire entry is the pictures of Michael Jackson. Those pictures clearly state that if MJ was not famous and his many faces plastered all over tube throughout the years there is no way to know that is the same man.

His driven point that I really like is him saying sometimes during the course of “bettering” oneself (my words not his) some people tend to reinvent themselves. He used the college years. I totally agree with him on how meeting a person’s oldest friends and I would say close family members sheds true light on who that person is.

Now I am not saying it’s wrong to do better or have a more prosperous life than that one grew up in however our roots tell the real story of how we are. About like the plastic surgery that was talked about last week.

And even more I think very low of people that disown their family after they have “come up” in life. They reinvent themselves to no longer be associated with their humble and/or not so proper relatives and beginning.

WiseDiva we need to talk about this one day. How important is it to be introduced or familiarized with a potential’s past or beginnings?

AmazonRed™ - Aaron Rodgers is that dude!

January 24th, 2011
3:41 pm

I’d be very weary that he was postioning himself to control me.

Absolutely. You lose a lot of power in these types of relationships because he in essence “owns” you. I mean, you have to be fearful one day he’ll wake up and you have no place to live cuz you’re in his crib.

Purple Rain

January 24th, 2011
3:44 pm

kimmie, I was not saying lack of training was a defense but I was saying some people just dont know. Like some people don’t have manners because they were never taught them. So you never see a napkin in their lap nor do they cover their mouth when they yawn etc. Ignorance is bliss, but I was not saying ignorance is a reason or defense. I don’t deal with it or people like that so it doesn’t bother me. LOL **See how I am totally ignoring that “blogger” over there? LOL

“The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.”
– William James

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 24th, 2011
3:44 pm

@Leggs

Yeah, of course I have. I’m not completely insensitive.

It’s just that, as previously stated, when I’m not seeing anyone, it’s in part becuase I want that freedom to see who I want. I’m not after intimacy like that.

But when I want to share intimacy with a woman, I go for it.

Raqi V

January 24th, 2011
3:47 pm

Cause if we’re smashing, the assumption is I’m your one and only

Celisea, only if it was that cut and dry these days. LOL

I know I am speaking from the keyboard of a now experienced done learned some lessons married soon to be 43 year old woman, but truly if folks got that much of an issue with a woman leaving an earring at his place or him leaving a sock at hers, they need to take it to a hotel each time and then go your separate ways. LOL (j/k but only a little) That way if anything gets left it’s up to the housekeeper to disgard or take it home.

kimmie

January 24th, 2011
3:48 pm

Amred – All his friends are married. One is divorced but has been seeing this lady for about 2 years now. Even his female collegues/friends are married. It seems birds of a feather do indeed flock together! Because thinking back to some of the more non-committal types I’ve dated in the past, their friends were the same way!

I learned to watch a guys friends awhile back. If most of his friends are in committed relationships, 9 times out of 10 he will be of the same mindset!

Raqi V

January 24th, 2011
3:49 pm

disCard not disgard LOL

Leggs

January 24th, 2011
3:51 pm

Ariz. Shooting Suspect Pleads Not Guilty

The man accused of carrying out the mass shooting in Tucson pleaded not guilty Monday to charges he tried to kill Rep. Gabrielle Giffords and two of her aides.

REALLY….

SexyCool

January 24th, 2011
3:51 pm

True, Rock.

If I have to do a recon because I spent the night at your house to make sure not a single strand of my hair is left on your pillow or if I forgot a toothbrush (because you may say I *hid* it there strategically), then…I don’t need to be opening up to you…literally and/or figuratively anway.

Celisea

January 24th, 2011
3:52 pm

Raqi – Yeah I know…sadly but true.

Raqi V

January 24th, 2011
3:54 pm

It seems birds of a feather do indeed flock together! AND If most of his friends are in committed relationships,…

kimmie, I agree. That is more true than many believe it to be. At one time many of my circle was not married although most in longterm relationships. Now all of us are married and the same with my hub’s friends. The one’s that aren’t we really don’t see or go out with any more.

My friend Lacy used to hang tight with us. After D got married, being the fourth one to in a group of 5, Lacy eventually pulled away from the group. She calls me and I know Doc every so often but she is no longer knitted into the cloth of us sisters.

AmazonRed™ - Aaron Rodgers is that dude!

January 24th, 2011
3:55 pm

Thanks kimster

SexyCool

January 24th, 2011
3:58 pm

Yeah…most of TheDude’s friends are single. I’m not crazy about that. But at the same time, with me being 5 years older than him, most of his friends are late 20’s/early 30’s….so, I’m giving them a little bit of a pass.

kimmie

January 24th, 2011
3:59 pm

some people just dont know.

Purple – I get you all day on this, friend. I’m patient to a fault with people I have to work with, worship with, etc. Everyone has not been as fortunate as I have and I am sensitive to it. But I have always been much more discriminating with the men I chose to deal with. If he doesn’t know, keep it moving and step to me when he’s got a clue. Might sound mean, but it works for me. I can get a pet or have a baby and raise a child. I can be a teacher and get paid for it. I really don’t have the time or inclination to teach or raise a man so he’ll be suitable for me to date.

Raqi V

January 24th, 2011
3:59 pm

SexyCool and Celisea, have you two seen the movie “The Cleaner” with Sam L. Jackson?

I can see some dudes (I’m looking at you Dan LOL) having that guy come in after each encounter to clean up all evidence of a woman having been there. Dusting for hairs, polishing away finger prints, forensic lighting for “fluids”, burning sheets…etc.

And yeah that dude would not be one worth opening up to.

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 24th, 2011
4:03 pm

@Kimmie

I tend to think of bad manners or even improper attitudes like this: I’ll try and help (at least in your dealings with me), and tell what I can accept and what I can’t. I hope that with one or two more opportunities, you’ll get it; otherwise, I’m really good at ignoring foolishness.

I just feel obligated (in the Christian sense) sometimes to “do unto others”

Raqi V

January 24th, 2011
4:05 pm

SexyCool, it’s the mindset though. I don’t know TheDude (YET) but there is a mindset the speaks volume.

The problem with my friend Lacy is her issue with commitments. And she would have a problem when one of us needed to cancel to take care of a relationship matter. Deni is the last to marry but she had two longterm relationships on her record. And she never that woman to b!tch when one of the others had that man-thing to go take care of.

The mindset.

kimmie

January 24th, 2011
4:05 pm

SCool – It’s not just the marital status, it’s the mindset. One guy I used to deal with was a nice enough guy, but he just seemed to not ever want to commit. Even though he really didn’t run around with a lot of women, he saw his parents divorce and was very distrustful of women. He came up with every excuse in the book. Looking back on his circle of close friends, they were all the same way. A few that had actually married were divorced and very bitter. There was nothing any woman they met could do or be to change their minds. I have not heard of any of them marrying to this day.

SexyCool

January 24th, 2011
4:05 pm

Once I was dating a guy that I had begun spending enough time with to believe that the relationship was turning serious.

One particular night, he called to say that he wasn’t feeling well and was going to just chill out.
(No problem)

The next night, he cooked dinner for me at his house. Me being the gracious guest offered to clear the table and load the dishwasher.

In the dishwasher was two wine glasses. One of them had lipstick on it.
(I don’t wear lipstick.)

Purple Rain

January 24th, 2011
4:07 pm

kimmie, I was not blessed with to much compassion or patience. it is going to be a test with this newborn but I know it is ours so I thin i will have tons. I think I am to old to be trying to teach an adult common sense stuff. I leave that for someone who gives a darn. LOL

SexyCool

January 24th, 2011
4:07 pm

Correction – I (not Me), being the gracious guest, offered to clear the table and load the dishwasher

Purple Rain

January 24th, 2011
4:08 pm

SexyCool, did he wear lipstick? LOL

Celisea

January 24th, 2011
4:08 pm

Raqi – I haven’t seen the movie but I’m feeling you on just taking the whole of shenanigans to a hotel or something. In all a person’s efforts to hide or conceal stuff, at some point the dishonesty of it all will give way…on it’s own

Purple Rain

January 24th, 2011
4:09 pm

If I did not have my parents example of marriage I don’t think I would have ever tried again. I am so not trusting of people generally.

SexyCool

January 24th, 2011
4:10 pm

kimmie/Rock – too funny. “Mindset” – exactly.

I’m cool with TheDude’s mindset. I just don’t know his friends and *frat* well enough to say that I feel comfortable with theirs. Being that they are single, it’s not like we are double dating with them and I see them only in the occasional group setting.

kimmie

January 24th, 2011
4:10 pm

Purple – You so get it! And I think you’ll be a great dad!

Purple Rain

January 24th, 2011
4:10 pm

That being said, I am not one to believe everything I hear about someone either. If I did not witness it or experience it for myself I don’t take any other person words as fact.

Purple Rain

January 24th, 2011
4:11 pm

kimmie, I hope so and thank you :)