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Superficial side of the dating game

The last decade has seen a huge surge in plastic surgery and other body enhancing (distorting?) procedures. It’s not just the ladies who spend money on cosmetic procedures either.

How do you think this has changed the way we see each other on the dating scene? I read somewhere that guys are no longer into the “plastic” look. Does this mean natural is back in style?

I remember seeing pictures of a young man I was seeing that were only taken three years before I met him. I didn’t even recognize him! He had a completely different nose and an extra 30 lbs on his frame. What a difference a gym membership and a nose contour makes.

I thought of how much I adored his wit and sense of humor and wondered if he needed to change his looks to showcase these qualities.

It’s impossible to say for sure, and I never asked him about his slightly drastic changes to his face. I just wonder if he saw himself differently, which made him feel confident enough to present his personality to people.

Do you think we spend too much time focusing on image and the outer layer, while ignoring the good stuff? I mean, does it really impress anyone that you are in the gym all the time if you are a raging jerk with anger issues you have yet to address?

How much work should single people put into personal growth? What do you think?

How do you handle the superficial side of the dating game?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

316 comments Add your comment

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Y'all Are Kids

January 21st, 2011
8:04 am

Anyone who significantly changes their looks for anything other than health reasons is vain and unattractive to me. I think it’s dihonest and deceitful. That said, people that go to designer gyms are all vain and superficial too. I dated a woman back when. Found out she had had her jaw broken and rebuilt to fix an overbite. Thought she was cuter with the overbite, but she turned out to be very vain and self centered.

SlimNumeroUno

January 21st, 2011
8:18 am

Good morning,

To know someone has had some sort of cosmetic procedure would probably be a bit of a killjoy to me if I found out. The fact that a dude works out a lot or whatever doesn’t make or break me. However, if a guy i date chooses to be a gym rat, don’t look at me expecting me to be the same way. Yes I’m a slim framed chick and No i don’t want to look like i’m about to enter a Musle Man contest. Matter of fact, the guy i currently see does work out every week and has a very nice….did i say very nice body…but he doesn’t try to push that off on me. I have a small little pooch in my stomach area and he likes it.

I’ve dated a very vain dude who was constantly in the mirror checking himself…constantly sought out compliments and it was a major turn off. To me it’s simply about confidence and you being comfortable with who you are. I’m not perfect and being slim is not all that it’s cracked up to be, especially at times when it comes to trying to find clothes that fit right….however, it’s me, the way God made me…take it or leave it. And i find it so funny that this is today’s topic because last night I was pondering on how many people stand in the mirror and admire their body in a positive light versus picking themselves apart. So i stood in the mirror for a few minutes just trying to find things that I liked about myself…not what I though other folks would say I SHOULD like….try it sometime ;-)

King Dizzle Ling

January 21st, 2011
8:28 am

whats up slim booty..and er body else….

SlimNumeroUno

January 21st, 2011
8:45 am

Morning King….um are you an old blogger with a newly revamped name?

TenderRoni

January 21st, 2011
8:45 am

Gm everybody,
Superficial dating to me is when people focus on their appearances, their status, and material things…bascially worrying about what other people think and how you appear to them.

If all you want to do is think of your self, then be by your self!

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 21st, 2011
8:49 am

@Slim

Good for you she’s growing.

But yeah, the superficial doesn’t stop at the body, it extends to the clothes, the thought process, and the manner in which people comport themselves.

Thoses things are far more troubling to me than being a gym-rat.

Style, not substance.

“..hav[ing] all the virtues I despise and no of the vices that I admire.” – Churchill

And really, being 30+ without a personality is not something clothes or muskels can cover up.

So out your League

January 21st, 2011
8:50 am

@slim..yep I am going to keep changing too. I dont understand this one…because i never gave a fug what other folks thought about the women i choose to date….period!

AmazonRed™

January 21st, 2011
9:15 am

Morning all -

Yes, with guys, I’m not so concerned about cosmetic procedures, but that superficial side I most encounter are guys who lead with their wallet. There is a guy still trying to get my attention, but all he usually talks about is how well off he is and how he can buy just about anything he wants. Perhaps he’s trying so hard because it’s clear I’m not impressed with the things he (supposedly) has. I do like the way he seems to live his life to the fullest…so that’s why all hope is not lost. :lol:

AmazonRed™

January 21st, 2011
9:16 am

Good for you she’s growing

:lol:

SlimNumeroUno

January 21st, 2011
9:19 am

Ared – I didn’t know what to think of that statement either. :???:

AmazonRed™

January 21st, 2011
9:21 am

Slim – The blog is so excited about our Snowpocolypse baby!!! :lol:

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 21st, 2011
9:30 am

There was a {sniff} there.

I’m just happy for you Slim.

Dag…

Leggs

January 21st, 2011
9:32 am

Good morning. I don’t care for vain individuals. I don’t believe in cosmetic surgery unless its for health reasons. I can only rock what God gave me and not what my dollars may have bought.

@Dan ~ according to the law, we must wear clothes, so why not wear pretty ones (LOL).

So out your League

January 21st, 2011
9:33 am

smh@leading with his wallet…i remember a time when i would get blasted for that comment right there…lol..the game does go on..lol

hotatlgal

January 21st, 2011
9:42 am

I believe that there lies deeper self-esteem issues, and noncontentment beyond the material items. But I will say we as humans all have a superficial side. Everyone likes nice things and there is nothing wrong with that, but spending your last dollar to have those things is what makes someone superficial. Its not what your spend its what you save.

Enrico

January 21st, 2011
9:56 am

@AmazonRed….Please. You will be banging this guy in no time for a taste of that wallet. Money talks.

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 21st, 2011
9:57 am

@Leggs

Having worked in finance for many years, I’ve seen what the desire for the material has done to checking accounts, credit reports, credit histories and futures.

So coming up with that 2nd hand experience, I learned a lot about what not to do.

Thus, someone judging me by the clothes that I choose to wear loses poitns with me personally.

Fashion is temporary, assets grow with time.

AmazonRed™

January 21st, 2011
9:59 am

Enrico – It’s already been “no time” and he still hasn’t gotten banged. This ain’t my first time dealing with a guy with money. Not every chick is on that sugar daddy chase.

SlimNumeroUno

January 21st, 2011
10:00 am

Blog monster are you kidding me!

Ared – lemme see if I can recall what I previously tried to post.
‘The blog is so excited about our Snowpocolypse baby!!!’ Um..errrr….Heyal to the naw…no baby making going on round herrrrr. I’m getting hit from all sides it seems these days. I’m getting hit on the preggo front from yall on the blog and getting hit on the hitched/wedding front from folks at the job. I come into work today to find a bridal magazine on my desk. :shock: It was funny at first but I think it’s starting to bug me at this point. Daily i’m getting jokes about Slim what type of venue do you want…destination wedding…beach…churc…blah blah blah

So out your League

January 21st, 2011
10:02 am

@dan…losing points…judging me…lol…i need to come down because i dont see “common” ish..and this is common…lol.

i'm swiss™

January 21st, 2011
10:03 am

Wait…. Slim is really preggers? I thought that was a joke? No?

SlimNumeroUno

January 21st, 2011
10:03 am

‘I’m just happy for you Slim’

Dan – Thanks…not sure what you’re happy for me about but I’ll take it ;-)

AmazonRed™

January 21st, 2011
10:04 am

:lol:

It’s your own fault Slim! It’s payback for your pregnancy blog hoax!

But hmm…something must have happened at the job to make folks think a wedding is on the horizon… did your “friend” come by and serenade you? :lol:

Leggs

January 21st, 2011
10:04 am

@Dan ~ not necessarily talking about the “material.” I can look like my outfit costs $200 when it really only cost me $29.99. You don’t have to dress dowdy in the hopes that you don’t come across as materialistic!

SlimNumeroUno

January 21st, 2011
10:04 am

i’m swiss – I A M – N O T – P R E G G O and I did not have sexual relations with that woman! :lol:

i'm swiss™

January 21st, 2011
10:05 am

Oh, whew, that’s a relief, Slim… I thought I was gonna have to run when that baby came out swirled… ;-) :lol:

AmazonRed™

January 21st, 2011
10:06 am

I thought I was gonna have to run when that baby came out swirled

*hollers!*

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 21st, 2011
10:07 am

@Slim – this:

“So i stood in the mirror for a few minutes just trying to find things that I liked about myself…not what I though other folks would say I SHOULD like….”

This makes me happy for you, self actualization is always a beautiful thing.

@So

I’m not judging anybody, I said the person “loses” points. For me, too many points lost means I stop talking to that person.

SlimNumeroUno

January 21st, 2011
10:07 am

Ared – Noooo, he’s never been up here to the job. I have no clue why they keep saying it. I think it just started out as a small joke and now they’ve started running with it. Now they are trying to talk me into going to try on dresses in the name of “FOr the fun of it”….I said if thedude heard how they carry on, he’d probably go into the witness protection program. lol

BlackMagicWoman

January 21st, 2011
10:08 am

Y’all Are Kids….”Anyone who significantly changes their looks for anything other than health reasons is vain and unattractive to me”

I understand that you find it unattractive. But vain is a bit harsh. You can’t judge someone for not being happy with their appearance. You have no clue on what brought them to that drastic measure. Maybe they were taunted as kids on let’s say their nose. It bothered them through their youth and finally enough was enough. Now granted some folks take it overboard such as the “Jackson” pinched up nose, or that Heidi chick that had so much work done that you would not know it was her. Hey, there are things about myself that I hate. Would (will) I have surgery…hell yeah. It’s not about what other people think about my decision….it’s how I feel about myself when I am done.

SLIM…”I’ve dated a very vain dude who was constantly in the mirror checking himself…constantly sought out compliments and it was a major turn off”

That dude sounds like he was fat and ugly as a kid and got picked on. So he went on a get sexy binge and now he has fixed his outside. But his inside is still that same kid. Now he seeks approval and compliments verses taunts.

“I was pondering on how many people stand in the mirror and admire their body in a positive light versus picking themselves apart.”

I am the latter of that. It’s my motivation to go to the gym..or not eat that doughnut.

ARED…”There is a guy still trying to get my attention, but all he usually talks about is how well off he is and how he can buy just about anything he wants. ”

Girl isn’t it funny when that same guy will call a woman a gold digger! Hello jacka$$….if you lead with your wallet what do you expect? :roll:

Leggs

January 21st, 2011
10:08 am

@i’m swiss ~ :lol: no baby for SlimNU (yet). Ok, who has the baby making fairy dust! Is it still in Raqi V’s possession. I know PoppaG sent it back “Addressee Unknown, Return to Sender!”

AmazonRed™

January 21st, 2011
10:16 am

Girl isn’t it funny when that same guy will call a woman a gold digger! Hello jacka$$….if you lead with your wallet what do you expect

BMW – Exactly! Like during our first dinner he was like “tell me, which car should I buy?” Granted, he already has a company car and a BMW he doesn’t drive…but he wants to buy a truck because he might want to tow his bike for a trip.

I just looked at him like this and said :| I don’t know much about trucks, I’m not really into cars. :lol:

There are some chicks that would have insisted they go visit some showrooms right then and there. :lol: And he definitly would have gotten a “nightcap.” :lol:

I’m hoping he was trying so hard because he was nervous or something. :lol:

AmazonRed™

January 21st, 2011
10:16 am

I know PoppaG sent it back “Addressee Unknown, Return to Sender!”

He sent it to Raqi actually. Tooooo funny how it actually worked! :lol:

So out your League

January 21st, 2011
10:27 am

@bmw…nice break down….go ahead and eat your doughnut…lol

SexyCool

January 21st, 2011
10:30 am

Slightly drastic?!? Isn’t that an oxymoron?

SexyCool

January 21st, 2011
10:33 am

My only concern with someone plastic surgery…especially of the face…would be ugly babies.

SexyCool

January 21st, 2011
10:34 am

My only concern with someone WHO HAS HAD plastic surgery…especially ON the face…would be ugly babies.

SexyCool

January 21st, 2011
10:36 am

And really, maybe it’s not my ONLY concern, but it would be the first question that popped into my head.

I would also wonder if their need to make changes to their appearance is caused by an personality trait that they would attempt to project on me and expect me to live up to their surgically enhanced standard.

SlimNumeroUno

January 21st, 2011
10:36 am

Ared – I would’ve been like you…not impressed lol So when you shoot all that money talk down, I wonder where he goes from there??

AmazonRed™

January 21st, 2011
10:40 am

So when you shoot all that money talk down, I wonder where he goes from there??

:lol:

Slim – It wasn’t as bad as I make it seem. We did have a good conversation about other things. When we started talking about love of travel, we could go all night on that. :lol: I also liked the way he talked about his job and some of his hobbies and passions. It got better after the focus got away from money.

i'm swiss™

January 21st, 2011
10:48 am

I played a mixed doubles match a couple years ago & the lady on the other team had her face pulled back so tightly that she literally had a permanent smile. She was like the female “Joker.” It was very distracting…

“I read somewhere that guys are no longer into the “plastic” look.”

I’ve never been into the plastic look, for anything — face, boobs, whatever. (Hmm… is there such a thing a vag-o-plasty?) :?:

Fake boobs, especially, annoy me. I can get with all shapes & sizes of naturals, but if they look like helium balloons, they’re not really boobs anymore, IMO… :lol:

Purple Rain

January 21st, 2011
10:48 am

Is it safe for me to blog now? I though Slim was pregnant…and I was going to stop blogging and just let child support catch me if they could. LOL

“I mean, does it really impress anyone that you are in the gym all the time if you are a raging jerk with anger issues you have yet to address”????????? STEREOTYPE MUCH WISE?????? LOL

As far as cosmetic surgery, I don’t care if it’s done or not as long as it’s done in taste and done well. Not my body it’s hers. Besides plenty of people have been an ugly duckling and turned into a swan…..and if you look at Facebook some were swans and turned into ugly ducks.

kimmie

January 21st, 2011
10:49 am

Morning blog crew!

Like BMW said, vain is too harsh. I have no problem with a person doing whatever it takes to make themselves happy. Now yes, some folks go overboard with the surgery and the excessive working out and the collecting of material possessions. But if you want something tweeked and you’ve got the means to do it, why not?

Let’s face it, we live in a superficial society. We worship beauty. Image is everything, especially in some professions. And with all this bullying thats in the news, you have no idea the backlash some people endure.

If I had some lipo done or a nose job and some guy is turned off, he could keep it moving. How dare he judge me.

You don’t have to dress dowdy in the hopes that you don’t come across as materialistic!

Leggs, I SO AGREE with this! Just because someone takes pride in their appearance and has great style, they don’t deserve to be labeled as materialistic. And so what if you spent $200? If you got it like that and other vital things are in order, like you’re not in foreclosure or your lights are off, what does what other people think matter?

DreamsMaterialize

January 21st, 2011
10:50 am

Plastic surgery isn’t the only drastic change that people make for non-health reasons. Push-up bras, heels, jeans that make your booty look more firm, girdles, perms, weaves, extentions, makeup. Put all that together and you can create a totally different person…like plastic surgery.

Purple Rain

January 21st, 2011
10:50 am

I’ve had just as much fun with fake boobs as real boobs…they make the same target. I am a strong proponent of working out and so is anyone basically in my circle of friends…with that being said if you just can’t get that extra inch or so off…go get a tummy tuck. I don’t care.

BlackMagicWoman

January 21st, 2011
10:50 am

ARED…he is a loser! :lol: If you wnat topay for a$$ just get a hooker. No story…wine or dining or getting fly. Just pay for the pro services! :lol:

“bmw…nice break down….go ahead and eat your doughnut”
SO OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE…no thanks…I’ll pass. I can’t workout normally until after my second knee surgery! I will not let myself become “Thicki Lake”! :lol:

SEXYCOOL…although I do not want kids. If it’s meant to happen, it will. But I do look at a guys features when I meet him. He coulc be good looking. But if our features are both strong…and/or odd. No way in hell am I having his baby! I knwo I do NOT want to see a Jay-Z/Beyonce kid. NOT CUTE AT ALL! :lol:

SLIM…somebody is trying to put the Baby Voo-Doo on you girl! :lol: You need this Brat Bustin’ Baby Be-Gone Repellent that I have! :lol:

i'm swiss™

January 21st, 2011
10:51 am

“…and if you look at Facebook some were swans and turned into ugly ducks.”

Purple — One of my favorite pass-times is checking out the FB photos of all these people I went to high school with — most of whom still live in the life-sucking cesspool that is my home town — and marveling at how old & run-down they look… :lol:

SexyCool

January 21st, 2011
10:52 am

Also, I am all for a person who is into working out. And I applaud those who practice discipline and display consistency. (My number one and number two obstacles.)

However…there is such a thing as going overboard. So here again, we have the message of moderation and balance in all things.

What I *REALLY* don’t get is bodybuilding. Especially bodybuilding CHICKS.
Bodybuilders freak me out.