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Dating dilemma: Taken but tempted

Timing is everything in dating. You can go for extended periods of time being single or on a serious dating drought. The moment you meet someone wonderful and start something exclusive, something shifts. You’re suddenly meeting a variety of people who seem to have all that you were looking for all along! So how do you handle it?

Have you ever been in a new relationship and randomly met someone else that appeared to be a better match? You’re taken, but man, are you tempted! Do you think that is a sign that you’re probably not as committed as you thought?

What do you do when you feel a strong attraction to someone after you become involved with your partner? Would you risk it to find out if you really are meant to be with your sweet temptation or do you stay fully committed to your relationship?

In a semi-related question: Do you think it’s possible to be in love with two people?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Blog

157 comments Add your comment

YesSheIsCute

January 20th, 2011
7:58 am

YesSheIsCute

January 20th, 2011
8:04 am

good morning everyone! It can happen. You usually feel a little more strongly about one person than the other. Its very hard for a person to love more than one significant other equally….regardless of what anyone has to say. If I was with someone that I felt satisfied with I probably wouldn’t make that move but if I was unsatisfied I might break up with them to see where the new match would lead. Idk this is a tough question. I hope I can peep back in here…work is crazy!

SlimNumeroUno

January 20th, 2011
8:10 am

Morning….Yes I see you got in first. Did you happen to start a pot of coffee yet?

SlimNumeroUno

January 20th, 2011
8:15 am

When I’m with someone, then i’m with them. If for any reason, I begin to seek outside ‘friendships’ or entertain advances, then i’ve probably already begun the process of separation from my current situation. For me, it’s really difficult to be half-azzed in a relationship especially if i’m loving you.

Y'all Are Kids

January 20th, 2011
8:29 am

I think it’s just a case of “the grass is always greener”. Have you ever noticed when you buy a new car, all of a sudden it seems that everyone has just gone and bought the exact same car? Same thing with dating. Once you settle and stop looking, everything else appears enticing. Trust me, it ain’t. Then again, if you think you’d be happier with said new person, then leave the S.O. and find out for yourself. Everybody needs a regret or two. That’s what keeps Ben and Jerry’s in business!

Mr. Unknown

January 20th, 2011
8:33 am

Morning… usually when you meet random people with those great qualities, they are the very traits that your current SO is missing. So we start playing the second guessing game..

YesSheIsCute

January 20th, 2011
8:40 am

@ Slim nope didn’t start a pot didn’t expect to come back!

SlimNumeroUno

January 20th, 2011
8:40 am

There are always going to be people you meet that have the qualities that your current SO may lack or be low on. However, that doesn’t mean that they Don’t have deficiencies, issues, baggage that you would not want to deal with either. No one person is all one way. Just like a coin has two sides, so do people (and in some cases have a whole lotta sides).

SlimNumeroUno

January 20th, 2011
8:43 am

Yes – It’s all good. I stole some coffee outta somebodies office. lol

Wise Diva

January 20th, 2011
9:16 am

Good morning sunshines!

I’m back in the office this week after being out since December. I wish I could tell you what I’ve been through to access my own blog, crazy! Anywhoo, I’m still not “in” but as usual I’m here :) ))

On topic: I agree with the person who said it is probably about maturity. How you handle it probably shows how “adult” you are, I haven’t ever been in love with two people before, though. I’m wondering if most times, it’s about how you could love one and “lust” the other.

AmazonRed™

January 20th, 2011
9:32 am

Morning all -

Tempted…that’s just life and life ain’t fair sometimes. Don’t go messing up a good thing because you don’t recognize the good thing you have.

More and more people think they are entitled to have their cake and eat it too. You aren’t. I think we’re doing irreparable damage to the family unit by being afraid to commit to one thing (or one person) for the long haul.

As I’m currently on my Entourage kick, in the words of Johnny Drama “You never understand how great the last chick was, til the new chick gives you herpes.” :lol:

Leggs

January 20th, 2011
9:40 am

Good morning, everyone!

What do you do when you feel a strong attraction to someone after you become involved with your partner? There’s something gravely wrong here if you have a strong attraction to another. Bottom line is you haven’t given your “all” to the relationship you’re in.

DreamsMaterialize

January 20th, 2011
9:42 am

Morning
Not exactly the same, but how about this:

What if there was someone you were really feeling and wanted to pursue something serious with, but they were unavailable (bad timing, out of state, already involved, etc). So, you meet someone nice and get involved. All of a sudden that other person is available and wanting something with you. What do you do?

Kym

January 20th, 2011
9:45 am

Good Morning All,

I am just gonna answer the related question..Yes it is possible to love and be in love with more than one person. If each of those people are fufilling a need or desire that you feel you can’t be without. I believe it is possible to have deep emotions for both people.

AmazonRed™

January 20th, 2011
9:48 am

All of a sudden that other person is available and wanting something with you. What do you do?

Make em wait. They didn’t leave their relationship or change their timing or were willing to move for you the first time around were they?

M. (pronouced M dot)

January 20th, 2011
9:59 am

This is an interesting topic and I have been on the other end of the spectrum. Lately, I have been meeting a lot of women who ACT single but who really arent, i.e., you switch numbers, call, maybe even go out and they may have a guy at home. Its almost like they have a job and are out interviewing for other jobs*.

*Before the women jump down my throat and say the same old cliche “Men do this too”.. which is true but for a woman to go out and entertain more prospects, its easier for her than it is a guy. The guy has to take them out, spend his time, energy, and resources. The woman just has to appear remotely interested and she can establish a side relationship.

Do you think it’s possible to be in love with two people?

I think it is possible to have a strong attraction to 2 people but someone will always stand out alot more than the other. Its just pros and cons.

M. (pronouced M dot)

January 20th, 2011
10:03 am

Also men and women in relationships have to be careful with this Taken but Tempted idea because some people will try to get slick and establish “friendships” with this other person and keep them as backup and a benchmark to your current relationship i.e., as soon as something goes wrong with your relationship, you are looking at that other person like an Ace in the Hole.

Kym

January 20th, 2011
10:05 am

@Mdot..the techinque you are referring to is called having “a pair and a spare.”

M. (pronouced M dot)

January 20th, 2011
10:11 am

@Kym

LOL thanks. I dated a girl who was like that….always popping up with these new male friends. Women need to realize that guys really dont want to be your friend other than 3 reasons:

1. They already dated someone in your circle or family.
2. You really arent their type but cool to hang and talk to.
3. You have a lot of good looking friends and they want to get to know them through you.

kimmie

January 20th, 2011
10:12 am

Good morning gang!

This is an interesting topic! Yes, the minute you meet someone nice, everybody and their cousin that you also find attractive suddenly comes out of the woodwork! Like some old folks say, that’s nothing but the devil!LOL!! But truly, I think it’s an aura about you that others find attractive when you are seeing someone special. As for how you deal with it, you have to take it on a case-by-case basis. If it’s a guy that I have had an interest in and didn’t know I was alive until I started dating someone else, then the H with him. It’s a bit tougher when you run into someone totally new on the scene. Maturity and experience come into play here and it can also be a roll of the dice. If you find yourself attracted to another and you are truly unhappy in the relationship you are in, it may be worth it to pursue other options. Life is too short to be unhappy. Be decent about it and let the current one go. If you find yourself unhappy with the new one, hey, that’s the chance you take. But everyone deserves to be with someone that is really into them.

It doesn’t necessarily mean you are in the wrong relationship if you find yourself looking at another. It’s whether you act on it or not that shows your maturity and your readiness for a serious relationship.

Yeah, you can love 2 people at the same time for different reasons.

Leggs

January 20th, 2011
10:12 am

@Kym ~ And, one of the hard parts of dating is trying not to become that spare!

i'm swiss™

January 20th, 2011
10:15 am

Now I’ve got that song in my head…

Tempted by the fruit of another…

Tempted, but the truth is discovered

What’s being going on?

Now that you are gone,

There’s no other…

i'm swiss™

January 20th, 2011
10:23 am

“If each of those people are fufilling a need or desire that you feel you can’t be without.”

Kym — So… you’re saying one dude is a master pipe-layer and the other has world class oral skills? ;-) :lol:

cba

January 20th, 2011
10:23 am

Ared, your 9:32, second paragraph is on point. Keep thinking that way young lady.

Kym

January 20th, 2011
10:25 am

@Leggs..yep that is the real challenge.

Kym

January 20th, 2011
10:27 am

@Swiss I was not referring to sex..but I guess that could happen..I was thinking one person gives you the care and comfort and convo you desire, while the other person is more outgoing and willing to try new things each person has something you want or need. I speak from experience.

abc

January 20th, 2011
10:29 am

This seems to me to be a dilemma specific to contemporary values.

In the past 20 years, women have made such significant gains in education and employment that a mindset has evolved such that commitment is considered unnecessary, in that a man’s assistance in areas of finance and lifestyle are not necessary. This allows women to play the field, and they certainly do so. Statistically, between the ages of 16 and 23, there are far more male virgins than female; as demographics age, sexual activity starts to balance out, but in the younger demographics, it’s quite typical for women to have had more sexual partners than men. This is the opposite of older demographics.

This leads men to feel no need to offer commitment to women, because so many women aren’t looking for it. Consequently, when a woman may finally come to the point of desiring a committed partner, there aren’t many candidates. Upon insisting on commitment, a woman may well discover that her man will simply go find a different woman, since so many are just playing the field anyway.

This relates to the topic in that if you’re so tempted, you’re playing the field, and not committed at all. You’re either committed, or you’re not. There isn’t a gray area.

i'm swiss™

January 20th, 2011
10:31 am

Kym — Yeah, I knew you weren’t talking about sex… But there was an opening, so I took it there. It’s my job. ;-) :lol:

i'm swiss™

January 20th, 2011
10:34 am

“Statistically, between the ages of 16 and 23, there are far more male virgins than female;”

D@ng! Where were all these sluts back in my day? Kids today have it so easy, I swear… :lol:

Leggs

January 20th, 2011
10:39 am

@i’m swiss ~ that’s only because these young girls believe oral sex is not having sex!

DreamsMaterialize

January 20th, 2011
10:41 am

You say that finance and education lead to women playing the field, but the 16-23 age demographic generally has neither education nor finance worth mentioning. So, why are they playing the field, as opposed to the older female demographic who certainly have more education and finances?

i'm swiss™

January 20th, 2011
10:41 am

“that’s only because these young girls believe oral sex is not having sex!”

Yes! The propaganda is working! Er, I mean, really? They think that? :shock:

kimmie

January 20th, 2011
10:42 am

Leggs – I agree with you, plus they are not doing it to themselves so I doubt the whole “far more male” statistic. Anyway, what does that have to do with the price of tea in China?

kimmie

January 20th, 2011
10:45 am

Dreams – Yeah, it’s a real mixup in that arguement to me! Plus, 16-23 is the time you SHOULD be playing the field so you can pursue that education and chase that money, to me! Just play it safe!

Kym

January 20th, 2011
10:45 am

Not to jump the topic too soon..but did the blog have a chat about the 90 girls who are pregnant or have had babies at one high school in Memphis? If y’a'll have then carry on.

kimmie

January 20th, 2011
10:46 am

Kym – The first I heard about it was on V103 this morn. A crying shame, but it starts at home!!!

DreamsMaterialize

January 20th, 2011
10:47 am

I agree with you, plus they are not doing it to themselves so I doubt the whole “far more male” statistic.
kimmie I interpreted the statistic a little differently. If 16-23 females are having sex more than males the same age, it’s because they’re having sex with OLDER men. Thinking back on high school and college, that was often the case. I don’t have any statistics on it, but I know it didn’t seem uncommon.

Wise Diva

January 20th, 2011
10:47 am

90!? at ONE school!? What in the world?! I hadn’t seen/heard of that yet. Goodness gracious

(I finally got back in, whew, not liking my new office, IT people are trying to block my favorite sites, making me mad, LOL)

i'm swiss™

January 20th, 2011
10:50 am

“but did the blog have a chat about the 90 girls who are pregnant or have had babies at one high school in Memphis”

I would just like to state, for the record, that I have never been to Memphis. That is all.

kimmie

January 20th, 2011
10:52 am

Dreams – I actually thought about that after I typed it, you are right they may be with older guys. I still doubt the “far more” though. Isn’t 16-23 when guys are around their peak, I thought? Just don’t see “far” more sitting around as virgins the middle of high school and thru college. But that’s not scientific, just my opinion!

Kym

January 20th, 2011
10:52 am

@Wisey..here is the link to the story from Memphis

http://www.wmctv.com/global/video/flash/popupplayer.asp?ClipID1=5464665&h1=Teen%20mom%20talks%20pregnancy%20crisis&vt1=v&at1=News&d1=164933&LaunchPageAdTag=Most Popular&activePane=info&rnd=69865445

@kimmie yeah I know V-103 was talking about it today. The story broke I think the end of the year and just got a bit of national spotlight last week. And you are right that is a damn shame.

Kym

January 20th, 2011
10:55 am

@kimme one of the things my friend pointed out is that they didn’t mention that there are possible 90 males walking around who are dads. I told her to reduce that number by say ohhh 20 cause I am gonna have to put money on atleast a few fellows having multiple baby mamas..just saying..

Oh yeah sorry about the link..I can’t remember how to paste just the worded link.

i'm swiss™

January 20th, 2011
10:56 am

“(I finally got back in, whew, not liking my new office, IT people are trying to block my favorite sites, making me mad, LOL)”

Um, Wise… I could offer you some pointers on getting around those types of annoying obstacles. I’ve had plenty of practice…. ;-) :lol:

Kym

January 20th, 2011
10:56 am

@Swiss..new rule for you..STAY OUT OF MEMPHIS!!

DreamsMaterialize

January 20th, 2011
11:01 am

Kym That’s horrific. What’s worse is that the county that that school is in has a teen pregnancy rate of 26%, more than 3 times the national average. CRAZY. Of course the school superintendent came out and said those figures were way off. She said that it’s more like 15 to 20 students. This relates to the 16-23 stuff abc was talking about. I’d bet that most of those girls are pregnant by older men. Dudes need to be ashamed of themselves…a beatdown is what they need.

kimmie

January 20th, 2011
11:04 am

Kym – Actually on V103 this morning, Frank & Wanda started taking calls, Wanda said she was getting a lot of tweets, texts & emails asking about the males’ role in all this!

It was a sobering discussion they had though. It’s just not pointed out to these kids how profoundly a child changes your life and your potential future. They are not taught to look down the line at all, just the here and now. Horrible examples at home. And there is no shame anymore, no fear. It’s almost expected! Those that make it out of high school & dodge that bullet are almost the exception!

When you expect mediocrity out of someone, that’s what you get. :(

Purple Rain

January 20th, 2011
11:05 am

Don’t let temptation in. Only wild things act on instincts without thinking

kimmie

January 20th, 2011
11:08 am

Dreams – If you are rolling up to the high schools to pick up girls, you are no “man”!

Yeah, a beatdown is in order, and it wouldn’t be just him getting it either if it were up to me!

Kym

January 20th, 2011
11:16 am

@kimmie..and Dreams..yeah I am sure quite a few daddies..are well over 18 and mostly likely live in the hood..you know these teens are not flat chested and flat bottomed anymore..they are popping out all over so I guess it is easy prey for these dudes..I don’t know..it is just a hot damn mess..that I do know.

kimmie

January 20th, 2011
11:18 am

Only wild things act on instincts without thinking

Purple – I agree. And my perspective on this topic stems from my past, younger days. I was way too loyal in situations where the guy was not that loyal to me. In 2 long-distance relationships I was in, I was loyal to a fault. I would not even consider going out with other guys that asked. Didn’t have ring the first! Of course, my LD men met & married other women. Meanwhile here I am, passing up some great prospects. I was young and everything happens as it should and I am very happy now. But in hindsight, I could have done things differently. If nothing else, I could have been exposed to some different experiences.