Will you need a prenup?
A couple got engaged over the holidays and the topic of a prenup came up recently. People seem to have varying opinions on what prenups “represent” and how it reflects on the relationship. I would not have problems signing one – after having a lawyer look it over, of course; and I don’t believe it means that you are expecting the marriage not to last.
A lot of single women are earning more money than the men they marry so I think prenups have become less taboo to women. If you have a problem bringing up the topic of prenups, you probably shouldn’t be getting married.
It’s probably not a romantic or “fairy tale” part of being engaged but at the very least, the question can be addressed to find out where your partner stands. How do you know if you need a prenup? Would you have a problem signing one? How do you broach the subject?
At what point do you talk about your income with someone you are dating? Or should you bring it up at all prior to getting engaged?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Blog
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166 comments Add your comment
YesSheIsCute
January 19th, 2011
8:22 am
FIRST
YesSheIsCute
January 19th, 2011
8:24 am
Getting a prenup doesn’t mean you expect your marriage to fail, anymore than getting renters insurance means you expect to be robbed. It’s just insurance in the unlikely event that something bad happens. Divorce is probably more likely than getting robbed, depending on your neighborhood.
Celisea
January 19th, 2011
8:40 am
Morning,
We got folks blogging with that kind of loot (that you need a prenup)? I kid I kid. I have a conference call so I’ll try to come back with thoughts before heading on the road…business venture.
Y'all Are Kids
January 19th, 2011
9:02 am
If you have anything worth keeping, what’s the big deal? If I had any sentimental items, such as my grandmother’s jewelry collection, or what have you, you can bet your a$$ I’ll be keeping it. Doesn’t matter that it was mine before the marriage, Georgia law splits everything of value, 50/50.
Leggs
January 19th, 2011
9:03 am
Good morning, everyone!
RxDawg
January 19th, 2011
9:03 am
I’m having this problem right now. Recently engaged, and I would like to have a prenup. Don’t know how my signficant other will take it. I’m thinking she will be offended.
Leggs
January 19th, 2011
9:20 am
@Rx ~ she might be, and then again she may not be. If this is something you want, then you need to discuss it with her. State your reasons for wanting one, and you might be surprised. She may be more open to it than you think. As my E.O.D yesterday stated, “worry is the darkroom in which negatives are developed.” Stop playing her “reaction” over and over in your head. Talk with her.
BlueThrash
January 19th, 2011
9:29 am
I just had my boyfriend sign one. I am divorced. Have a child. I also own my own home (really own it,…no mortgage) and earn a “very comfortable” living along with having a “healthy” retirement savings and college fund for my son. My boyfriend has an ex and two minor children and makes about 1/6 of my income and has no assets other than some retirement savings. I dodged a bullet when I got divorced because my ex was so enamored by his mistress that he didn’t take very much from me when we split….if he has not been blinded by the mistress he might have been smart enough to take a lot….of course, no mistress would have meant no divorce to begin with LOL. Anyway, I didn’t do the prenup because I plan on getting divorced, but rather because you never know…and also because I have a child to protect and feel that what I earn is really his if I die while he is a minor. Also, I would never want my BF’s ex to have any means to go after my wealth….I have no issue buying things for his kids, but I don’t want his ex to be able to have any way to come after what I have in the event it could be considered marital property. Peace.
DW
January 19th, 2011
9:35 am
@YALL ARE KIDS> My understanding is that assets obtained BEFORE marriage are not subject to splitting 50/50
AmazonRed™
January 19th, 2011
9:44 am
Morning all –
I’m okay with a pre nup. I fully intend to marry for love.
In saying such, if I am asked to sign one…I will ask to add a clause that infidelity means all bets are off and I will bleed you dry.
BlueThrash
January 19th, 2011
9:44 am
That may be true, DW, but there can be arguments otherwise. Also, I am looking to protect any growth in my pre-existing assets – for example, if my home appreciates after marriage that appreciation could be viewed as a marital asset even if the underlying home/value is not and same thing with retirement savings. My prenup includes post-marriage earnings as well, so that those are not subject to a split either. After my son is grown, perhaps we will rip up the prenup….you never know.
Karen
January 19th, 2011
9:45 am
Yes to prenup ! Even tho law states assets obtained before marriage are not subject to 50/50 split in divorce you have to prove it. Also any interest or gain in the assets is subject to the split. In the event of blended families with children from either side do not take the chance. Am going thru a very nasty divorce and husband has managed to hide monies, falsify documents etc. Alot of my hard earned money will go to his kids when it should not. My son has some money from my parents and from me – when he gets marries to have a prenup. It just makes sense. And if his future wife has money from her job or family she protects that. Hate to be bitter but marriages do go sour sometimes and you need to protect your assets.
DW
January 19th, 2011
9:50 am
@Bluethrash and @Karen : thanks for the tips guys! I think that if my portfolio rises 1000% during my marriage, im okay with my wife getting half the gains. CONVERSELY… wouldnt my wife also be liable for HALF my debt? What if spend like a drunken sailor? If i had a prenup i would be SOLELY liable for that correct??
DW
January 19th, 2011
9:54 am
My point is prenup is a double-edge sword. If my wife gets a large inheritance or wins the lottery then i dont get any of it either. just saying
RxDawg
January 19th, 2011
10:02 am
“My point is prenup is a double-edge sword. If my wife gets a large inheritance or wins the lottery then i dont get any of it either. just saying”
I don’t think that’s true. A prenup protects all of your assets up until the day of your marrige. Everything you and your spouse make together from that day forth isn’t included. Maybe a lawyer is around to correct/support me.
Delight23...((pondering))
January 19th, 2011
10:11 am
morning peoples!
Pre: prior to; before
Nuptial: pertaining to marriage
No issues signing nor presenting. Question. If you’ve reached the point of asking for their hand in marriage, why has the conversation about pre-nuptial agreement(s) not taken place?
DreamsMaterialize
January 19th, 2011
10:12 am
If I get married, I will have a pre-nup. No one expects their marriage to fail, but 50% of them do. And things have a way of getting sour in a divorce. People will do some things that you never expected of them, especially if kids are involved.
DW
January 19th, 2011
10:16 am
RXDAWG: Definately need to check the facts. Bluethrash and karen disputed what you said already..
Karen
January 19th, 2011
10:16 am
Actually any inheritence obtained during marriage is not supposed to be part of the split in the event of divorce. Problem arises when you take those funds and perhaps invest in something with your spouse (like i did ). It becomes very messy and complicated. As a general rule though any monies you inherit are not subject to settlement BUT any gains or investments are. I got this info from any attorney ….
kimmie
January 19th, 2011
10:20 am
Morning All!
What a humdrum topic, but I guess it’s necessary. Gotta handle ya business!
People will do some things that you never expected of them, especially if kids are involved.
Dreams – You are so right about this! I have not been thru it, but I have had friends that have! Turned into a totally different person, or maybe it was there all along and just never surfaced!
Me & the fiance’ have never discussed a prenup, which I guess folks might find strange because he’s a lawyer so you might think he would bring it up. We have discussed finances. We both po, but he does have 2 kids he has to look out for so I would totally understand coming to an agreement about the kids’ future assets.
BlackMagicWoman
January 19th, 2011
10:24 am
RX DAWG…if she is offended…that is a red flag. Anybody in this day and age should understand to need and the right to protect what’s theirs. Yes, when you marry it becomes “ours”. But if it doesn’t work…you should NOT be locked to that if those things were “Yours” before the nuptials. If I have a house that was left to me by my grandparents that I am living in prior to marriage, and we rent the house out or whatever. Then the funds that come in on that house while we are married are ours because we are one. But if one becomes two…you should NOT be reaping benefits off of the house that was mine before you. Its like NY State law for Cops….if you are married 10 years..then no matter what, when you retire that ex spouse can get half your pension. Now imagine if you worked 20 years and got your pension. But now you are divorced and your ex has remarried…guess what…that new woman or man is enjoying YOUR hard earned money! I tell you…makes me NEVER want to marry. I understand how folks snap and “get rid” of somebody for this.
“I would never want my BF’s ex to have any means to go after my wealth….I have no issue buying things for his kids, but I don’t want his ex to be able to have any way to come after what I have in the event it could be considered marital property.”
BLUE THRASH….you are one smart lady! Kudos to you for protecting yours!
DW
January 19th, 2011
10:25 am
Thanks for the tips Karen! I understand that over the course of 10, 20 , or 30 yrs those gains can be significant! If things were the other way around and ur husband got the inheritance and hence the gains, would u feel differently?
Karen
January 19th, 2011
10:26 am
A word from a now wiser lady….have a frank and honest discussion about finances prior to getting married and if there are kids from prior marriages discuss future provisions. Of course just having the discussions does not mean people will not change and screw you over. It is sad to lose trust in your partner but things happen, and it is better to be prepared than in the dark. Good luck to you.
Karen
January 19th, 2011
10:29 am
DW, my husband did in fact inherit some money from his dad and he promptly gave half of it to his grown girls to help them buy a house, and I had no problem whatsoever with that. Problem is he sees things as “what is mine is mine and what is yours is mine”…. greed is a terrible thing.
DW
January 19th, 2011
10:33 am
Sorry to hear that Karen. That is just plain messed up!
BlueThrash
January 19th, 2011
10:33 am
“Everything you and your spouse make together from that day forth isn’t included.”
My pre-nup does include earnings post-nuptial unless the parties expressly agree or take action otherwise. For example, if I buy another home and have the deed in both of our names it will be joint property – if, however, I buy another home and title it only in my own name the pre-nup states that it is all mine. Pre-nup just means that you sign it before you get married…you can also have a post-nuptial agreement that does the same thing. What is in your pre-nup is up to you and your betrothed – you can include or exclude anything you want.
i'm swiss™
January 19th, 2011
10:39 am
Marriage is a wonderful thing (or can be, anyway), but it most certainly is not all romance & fairy tales. The harsh reality is that sharing one’s life with another requires a lot of work, patience and communication. There most assuredly will be issues to overcome, and money often is one of the biggest. If not a pre-nup, a very in-depth and frank discussion of how the finances will be managed post-nup is a must. And as others have said, if the topic is too taboo for you to broach, then you’re probably not mature enough for marriage just yet.
abc
January 19th, 2011
10:42 am
Prenups are bogus. You go into marriage fully, in all aspects. Else, your union is suboptimal by design.
If the marriage should fail, part of the penalty is material and financial. If you feel that your potential spouse would only stand to benefit from dissolution of the marriage, and you don’t trust them on that account, then don’t marry them.
Ghostrider
January 19th, 2011
10:46 am
Prenup….What a crock of Sh1t. If I was asked to sign a prenup I’d walk, to me that is an insult. I’ve been Married 25 years this April, it never even crossed my mind to ask her to sign a Prenup. Unless all of you have millions in assets, which I kinda doubt, dont insult your future spouse.
Leggs
January 19th, 2011
10:47 am
“part of the penalty is material and financial…”
Yes indeed.
Celisea
January 19th, 2011
10:49 am
Sorry but I agree with ABC. I just don’t see or get saying you don’t expect the marriage to fail but you taking measures for when it does. I agree maybe if it’s layed out ahead of time to be “more binding” maybe there’s more of a reason to fight to save, fight to stay, fight to make it. Just can’t see nor get making provisions , before it fails for when it fails.
DreamsMaterialize
January 19th, 2011
10:52 am
If the marriage should fail, part of the penalty is material and financial.
abc No question about this. However, I don’t think the point of a prenup is to be exempt from penalty, but rather to ensure that the penalty is fairly applied. Otherwise, the penalty is applied based on who has the best legal representation, which is subjective at best.
Celisea
January 19th, 2011
10:54 am
“layed out to be more binding”…not in a literal sense but thought in such a way of okay, this is it….me for you your for me for life. Prebups IMO is like a “just in case” out. Maybe we should feel “stuck” so much so that we got no choice but to make the dang thing work.
i'm swiss™
January 19th, 2011
11:16 am
Is this thing on?
BlueThrash
January 19th, 2011
11:24 am
“Prenups are bogus. You go into marriage fully, in all aspects. Else, your union is suboptimal by design. If the marriage should fail, part of the penalty is material and financial.”
Penalty? Why should I face a penalty if my spouse decides he doesn’t want to be married anymore? I was shocked by the seemingly out-of-the-blue dissolution of my last marriage. My ex went from holding hands and huggy kissy “I love you” to “I am done” seemingly overnight. All these years later my child is still confused about what happened because it was not preceded by anything other than the picture-perfect loving couple and family…then “poof” he was gone. I love my BF, but you never know. We are both grown ups. I have assets and make a good living. When we marry he gets to share in all of that, but if he chooses to leave then he leaves with what he came in with and what he personally amasses during the marriage. I hope we never divorce as I do not want to go through that pain again – nor see my child experience it once more. I hope someday we can shred the pre-nup…but until then I see nothing wrong with being in love while also being “smart” about the business side of the relationship.
i'm swiss™
January 19th, 2011
11:30 am
BlueThrash — Agreed. It takes 2 to make a marriage work, but only 1 to make it fail.
DreamsMaterialize
January 19th, 2011
11:39 am
so did we lose everyone, or is the blog experiencing technical difficulties?
i'm swiss™
January 19th, 2011
11:40 am
Dreams — I think everyone is consulting their attorneys…
i'm swiss™
January 19th, 2011
11:42 am
Maybe we need a lighter topic…
Here, I’ll start:
Shaved, trimmed, or au natural. Talk amongst yourselves…
PrincessNik
January 19th, 2011
11:45 am
Dreams/Swiss
I think most middle class people don’t relate to the topic.
As for me because of my daughter my bigger priority would be keeping an up to date will.
abc
January 19th, 2011
11:49 am
‘Business side of the relationship’ is a very strong indication that you may not be ready for marriage. Personal finances are not business. To not share benefit of financial resources with your spouse indicates a lack of genuine concern for them. If you can’t trust them, don’t marry them. You either don’t trust them because they’re untrustworthy, or you don’t trust them because you can’t trust people.
That’s not a criticism or indictment of any kind. It’s a common human condition.
Divorce should come with material and financial penalties as motivation to exert more effort and caring in preserving the marriage, if for no other reason.
DreamsMaterialize
January 19th, 2011
11:57 am
Dreams — I think everyone is consulting their attorneys…
swiss Hahaha that’s funny. people don’t like when you start talking about losing something you worked hard for. I vote “yea” for the topic change. Shaved or trimmed is cool, although I can do without the designs. I don’t want to see the Hitler mustache or the goatee on the puddy. lol
think most middle class people don’t relate to the topic.
Princess Are you kidding me?!? That big screen and the 1/20th acre of land in MS that got divided up among the 40 grandchildren is all I got, and you can’t have it! lol
DreamsMaterialize
January 19th, 2011
12:00 pm
Divorce should come with material and financial penalties as motivation to exert more effort and caring in preserving the marriage
A prenup can serve as the same motivation.
BlueThrash
January 19th, 2011
12:02 pm
“Personal finances are not business” – I respectfully disagree, especially when we are talking about folks getting married later in life (perhaps for the second or third time) who have already created a financial life for themselves and may even have minor children from a previous relationship to consider.
“To not share benefit of financial resources with your spouse indicates a lack of genuine concern for them.” I fully intend to share my financial resources with my spouse. If, however, he chooses to no longer be my spouse then I will no longer share my financial resources with him. We are not yet married and I already share my wealth with him in many ways. I would point out that he has a pension that will kick in later in life – if we are not married at that time then I do not feel I should have any benefit from that pension.
“Divorce should come with material and financial penalties as motivation to exert more effort and caring in preserving the marriage” I was willing to do anything (anything – even forgiving adultery and emotional abuse) to preserve my former marriage. My ex would have no part of it….so he got almost no part of the wealth that I (not he) had accumulated during the marriage. I did not have a pre-nup in my last marriage and I was lucky that he did not run away with half of my estate – money that I believe rightfully belongs to me and my child as we are not the ones who chose to dissolve the family. The thought that someone who throws away a perfectly good family should financially benefit from that decision is as awkward to me as thinking that the person who was willing to do anything to keep it together should be financially penalized. My ex didn’t want to do the family “thing” anymore so he was free to go and pursue his own interests…on his own, with little financial help from me (should have been none).
i'm swiss™
January 19th, 2011
12:04 pm
“Divorce should come with material and financial penalties as motivation to exert more effort and caring in preserving the marriage, if for no other reason.”
abc — I understand, and agree in principle, with this sentiment, but in cases where the financial standing of the respective spouses are drastically different, what is a “penalty” to one party may actually be a boon to the other. Was Juanita Jordan penalized financially from divorcing Michael, or Guy Ritchie when divorcing Madonna?
i'm swiss™
January 19th, 2011
12:07 pm
Of course, in the two examples I gave the “penalized” parties were both sleeping around, so perhaps not the best examples…
Leggs
January 19th, 2011
12:07 pm
@Blue Trash ~ I can understand where you’re coming from. To have the dissolution of a marriage split 50/50 when one of the parties doesn’t deserve a damn thing leaves me seeing red. I too am thankful my ex didn’t go after my 401(k), which he could have. The one thing I’m still a little salty about is him asking me to sell the house or buy him out only so he can get some $$ and not be concerned about the roof over his child’s head. He didn’t put one dime into this house (other than paying the utilities). I realize that in itself helped run the home, but it made me no nevermind because I wasn’t buying him out!
abc
January 19th, 2011
12:08 pm
I don’t see how a prenup could server the same purpose; if anything, it would discourage a spouse from being motivated by greed to leave, but that’s not the same as serving as motivation to stay.
i'm swiss™
January 19th, 2011
12:08 pm
Allegedly, I should say….
i'm swiss™
January 19th, 2011
12:13 pm
Being motivated to not leave vs. being motivated to stay…
How is that not the same thing, again?
DreamsMaterialize
January 19th, 2011
12:14 pm
if anything, it would discourage a spouse from being motivated by greed to leave, but that’s not the same as serving as motivation to stay.
If you are not motivated to leave, then what are you motivated to do?
abc
January 19th, 2011
12:14 pm
I would go so far as to say that if a person’s spouse leaves them without cause (or with cause, it doesn’t really matter), and the offending party takes material and financial resources that the other party would feel they don’t deserve, then it should serve as a lesson in making better choices in the future for the person that comes up short. I think it’s incredibly rare, to the point of almost non-existent, that one party to a divorce can honestly say that they played no part in the relationship’s failure.
Oftentimes, a prenup won’t hold up in court anyway. For starters, the prenup has to be created in the same state as the divorce proceedings for it to really hold any water. ANY legal contract can be contested successfully. At that point, it’s a matter of how strong a person’s will is to get what they want upon dissolution of marriage. A prenup will hardly stop a very determined person.
PrincessNik
January 19th, 2011
12:19 pm
DreamsM that was funny!!!!
DreamsMaterialize
January 19th, 2011
12:19 pm
How is that not the same thing, again?
swiss they are logical equivalents.
A prenup will hardly stop a very determined person.
abc It will if the opposing party is equally determined. So, in life, rewards are justly due those who can impose their will the most forcefully? I am aware that this often IS the case, but should it be?
BlueThrash
January 19th, 2011
12:19 pm
“I think it’s incredibly rare, to the point of almost non-existent, that one party to a divorce can honestly say that they played no part in the relationship’s failure.”
Agreed. We play a role in what happens. But I also believe it is rare that the fault is 50/50, although the assets may be split that way. Rarely is there a divorce where one spouse hasn’t “stepped out” on the other. That cheating is normally justified in the eyes of the cheater because his/her spouse wasn’t attentive enough, worked too much, cared more about the children than me, etc etc. So the spouse being cheated on takes some responsiblity, but the one who cheated rather than trying to talk to the other person about his/her feelings, see a counselor, etc. should, IMHO, take the brunt of the responsbility….for being a weenie if nothing else.
abc
January 19th, 2011
12:21 pm
Such as, a person may grow bored with their spouse, or a bunch of small irritations may snowball into significant grievance; they have an affair, and come to the necessity of making a decision to stay, or to go.
First off, it’s likely that both parties to the marriage have contributed to the state of the relationship at that point, to a greater or lesser extent.
If there’s a prenup that protects the assets of the one having an affair and wanting to leave, they’re de-motivated to stay. If there’s a prenup that prevents them from financial benefit, then they’re going to be able to pull as much freight as they can themselves anyway, and so wouldn’t be motivated to stay. If they stay because they’re reliant upon the other person for their support and survival, then they really shouldn’t have had the affair, and should have been more motivated to making the marriage work.
That makes sense to me, anyway. Prenups are bogus, and a sure sign that the people involved aren’t going into the marriage with their whole heart.
Purple Rain
January 19th, 2011
12:23 pm
If it ends it will culminate in gasoline and matches…so no prenup needed
abc
January 19th, 2011
12:23 pm
DM, at that point, it becomes a war, doesn’t it? How do we win wars? Shock and awe, of course. It’s the way of the world.
BlueThrash
January 19th, 2011
12:28 pm
“Prenups are bogus, and a sure sign that the people involved aren’t going into the marriage with their whole heart.”
Your opinion. To paraphrase….I won’t get burned again. I may never fully recover from what my ex did – that doesn’t mean I cannot love and trust enough to get married, just that I am careful. I cannot love anyone with my whole heart because part of it died…my ex killed a small piece. But that is not the reason for the pre-nup…I love my BF with all of the heart I have left…the pre-nup is because I love myself and my son just a little bit more. It has taken me years of therapy post-divorce to get to that point and I am proud to say it today – I love me first, I respect me first, I protect me first! I love my BF, but never again will I love to my detriment. I will give all to the relationship, but I know that I can never control the actions of anyone else so I have to prepare for that possibility. I think the probability of divorce for me again is low, but the possibility is always there so I have to be smart.
i'm swiss™
January 19th, 2011
12:28 pm
abc — Thanks for the examples. That does make sense.
Purple Rain
January 19th, 2011
12:28 pm
My thoughts are if you think you need a pre nup, then maybe you should rethink getting married.
Purple Rain
January 19th, 2011
12:29 pm
I agree with abc
BlueThrash
January 19th, 2011
12:35 pm
And my thoughts are that if you don’t think about a pre-nup, if you do not consider what might happen if the worst happens, if you do not consider the financial well-being of a child from a prior relationship, then you deserve to lose half in a divorce. Love is great, all squishy and fairy tail-ish. But there is a darker side to everything and everyone and people should consider that and prepare for it. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst. We just had a once-every-30-or-so-years storm in Atlanta that shut us down for a week…I was prepared because I always have a month’s worth of food on hand in my pantry “just in case.” My pre-nup too is “just in case.”
i'm swiss™
January 19th, 2011
12:37 pm
If I were loaded & and marrying someone with comparatively little, I could certainly understand the desire for a pre-nup. There are some pretty good actors/actresses out there who can seem trustworthy & sincere all the while counting your money.
All of which makes it so much less complicated to marry within one’s own strata — financial, intellectual, and otherwise…
Purple Rain
January 19th, 2011
12:38 pm
Just in Case, you better never leave the house or ride in a car or fly in a plane or go in a bank or eat food…etc
If you thin you need a pre nup, just don’t get married
Purple Rain
January 19th, 2011
12:39 pm
I always have a months worth of food in my pantry…because I dont like going to make grocery shopping every week. So we go once a month. LOL
czBrat
January 19th, 2011
12:39 pm
hey good people! popping in during a verly long week of very boring training classes.
on topic: we have discussed prenups and finances. there will be no prenup & financial obligations and wealth building will be handled proportionate to income/ability.
having said that …. my s/o would agree with this right here —> If it ends it will culminate in gasoline and matches…so no prenup needed
AmazonRed™
January 19th, 2011
12:40 pm
A prenup protects all of your assets up until the day of your marrige. Everything you and your spouse make together from that day forth isn’t included
I used to think the same, but that’s not really the case. It includes any rules you set prior to the nuptuals. So that’s why superstar athletes can say, “she gets nothing (or a set amount) if we get divorced.”
However, many states do have community property laws, so that’s why many pre-nups get disputed and overturned.
Purple Rain
January 19th, 2011
12:41 pm
CanalZone
Poppa Grande
January 19th, 2011
12:46 pm
It depends on what is in the pre nupt. Ultimately, a prenup is a contract. So, it is dictated by its terms.
I could see a prenup that provides for children that resulted from prior relationship. Just like I suggest the formation of a trust for children of prior relationships. IMO children should not be hurt because step mom or step dad gets upset that one spouse stepped out on the marriage, and the non-cheating spouse wants revenge. Pre-nups and trusts could protect the innocent children.
In GA, as long as you keep pre marital property separate, there is no need for a pre-nup. The minute that you co-mingle premarital property with marital property it is subject for equitable division. (GA is NOT a 50/50 state).
czBrat
January 19th, 2011
12:51 pm
hola, reign!
also, i strongly suspect there would be no need for an infidelity “out” clause cuz that man would most likely snap my neck and bury me under the garage. ijs.
DreamsMaterialize
January 19th, 2011
12:51 pm
PoppaG What’s good man? I had a feeling you would pop in at some point and chime in on this topic.
Poppa Grande
January 19th, 2011
12:52 pm
Prenups are NOT something that says you are going into marriage to fail.
People who will cheat will cheat whether they sign a contract or not. Sometimes it really is protection, especially in economic times like we are currently experiencing.
It just really depends on the situation.
DW
January 19th, 2011
12:53 pm
People! Everyone here is focusing on ASSETS. What about a DEBT? If you spend $100,000 on credit is your spouse liable for this during divorce?? would a prenup protect you from this???
AmazonRed™
January 19th, 2011
12:56 pm
I’m surprised abc is against prenups, especially after experiencing divorce. I don’t disagree with what he says tho, I just thought he’d feel the opposite.
I was opposed to the idea of prenups in my 20s. But in my 30s, I think of it more like insurance. You never hope to use it, but it makes things a lot easier if you have it!
Poppa Grande
January 19th, 2011
12:56 pm
DreamsM
I cannot complain at all. How are things with you?
Actually, I pop in most days. I lurk more now than I post.
Leggs
January 19th, 2011
12:57 pm
@DW ~ any debt incurred during the marriage I believe is the responsibility of both parties.
Poppa Grande
January 19th, 2011
12:58 pm
ARed
I’m surprised abc is against prenups, especially after experiencing divorce.
I am surprised, too.
Mostly because I know his stance on the truthfulness of human females.
abc
January 19th, 2011
12:59 pm
No, nothing will protect you from the debt accrued by a spouse, unless you have only individual accounts, and your bank isn’t affiliated with hers.
czBrat
January 19th, 2011
12:59 pm
LMAO @ PG 12:58
hilarious!!
ciao
Poppa Grande
January 19th, 2011
1:01 pm
DW…
Prenupt probably would NOT protect you from that hypo that you presented.
Until you get that final decree you are still married and the debt is marital.
Purple Rain
January 19th, 2011
1:01 pm
CanalZone and that is a pre-nup. LOL
DW
January 19th, 2011
1:05 pm
@Poppa So your saying i could run up a $1,000,000 in debt. Then divorce the spouse. And leave her on the hook for a cool half mil??? Seriously?
Purple Rain
January 19th, 2011
1:09 pm
DW, once again that is something you should have figured out before marriage
Poppa Grande
January 19th, 2011
1:10 pm
DW
in regards to the marriage, yes.
However, there are still grounds for suit. In amount that large, could venture into criminal charges though. I could argue that is theft if you don’t intend to repay.
It would affect both peoples credit ratings.
Leggs
January 19th, 2011
1:13 pm
And, intentionally running up debt to spite your spouse is criminal and you may be paying off the entire debt on your own.
DW
January 19th, 2011
1:16 pm
Say in theory i get a cash advance for a million dollars and bury it in a box somewhere. Divorce. Then we both owe $500k. I take my million, pay off my portion of the $500k and then i get to keep $500k scott free!! Theres no way this would work right?
Leggs
January 19th, 2011
1:21 pm
First and foremost, DW, which funds alloted you the cash advance?
AmazonRed™
January 19th, 2011
1:22 pm
Your cash advance leaves a paper trail smarty!
Poppa Grande
January 19th, 2011
1:26 pm
DW…
No it would not work. As you have presented, it is a premeditated crime. Evidence of burying half of the money shows forethought. My guess that the charge would be theft by receiving.
You would be asked to “go directly to jail, do not pass go, do not collect $200.”
i'm swiss™
January 19th, 2011
1:27 pm
DW — If you want an easier & sure fire way to scam your way into riches, just run for congress.
DW
January 19th, 2011
1:27 pm
I said IN THEORY. In theory i could also go to DeBeers and buy a diamond on credit and bury it. Whatever. The point is i Still end up with a $1,000,000 in something and only have to pay $500k back .
@Amazon im not trying to cover up a paper trail. everyone in the world can know this but what can be done to stop it is my point..
Poppa Grande
January 19th, 2011
1:28 pm
Not by theft by receiving…well I am rusty on my GA criminal code in that area. I’m sure that it is theft though.
Poppa Grande
January 19th, 2011
1:30 pm
They can’t stop you but they the creditors can get a judgment against you (and the other debtor). though. In GA they are called Fi. Fa. Which would allow them to take legal means to collect on said debt such a wage garnishment.
DW
January 19th, 2011
1:30 pm
@POPPA Thanks for answering the question!
DW
January 19th, 2011
1:33 pm
Poppa. I intend to pay off my $500k portion of the debt and leave the spouse with the other $500k. This is all theory of course
Purple Rain
January 19th, 2011
1:34 pm
If you open up account jointly it’s a joint responsibility if it is opened individually it is an individual responsibilty….isn’t this correct by standard of the law or does that vary by state?
Purple Rain
January 19th, 2011
1:37 pm
Ok say I have 4 bishes, I marry 2 of them unbeknowst are they to each other. Now one of the other bishes I propose to and the last bish is just a friend with benefits. Say I am broke and all four of them bishes are rich…how much would I be on the hook for after I run up their credit card bills and take their money to find more bishes? LOL
P.S. I work at the Foot Locker so I make about $8/hr
BlueThrash
January 19th, 2011
1:41 pm
“Say in theory i get a cash advance for a million dollars and bury it in a box somewhere. Divorce. Then we both owe $500k. I take my million, pay off my portion of the $500k and then i get to keep $500k scott free!! Theres no way this would work right?”
In terms of the lender being able to come after the other spouse, not unless your spouse signed for the case advance too. If only your name is on it, then the bank can come after only you…and your assets, which may include marital property, which is how your spouse gets hurt. I would never have a joint credit card or co-sign for anyone’s loan. That is also another good reason to have a pre-nup – it makes clear that your assets are not marital assets and thus cannot be attached to satisfy the debts of your spouse (assuming you do not enter into them jointly or otherwise represent to the lender that your assets will stand for the debt). That being said, in a divorce you may be ordered to assume a portion of the debt incurred during the marriage even though your spouse incurred it and not you, but that is part of the divorce and generally does not create a third-party beneficiary position for the lender – in other words, if you don’t pay your spouse can sue you for contempt under the divorce decree, but the bank can only sue your spouse for non-payment not you.
PrincessNik
January 19th, 2011
1:41 pm
Since this topic leans somewhat toward finances, What does everyone think about joint accounts versus seperate accounts? (married of course). Some couples have only joint accounts, some couples have only seperate accounts, and other couples have a combination of the two.
i'm swiss™
January 19th, 2011
1:42 pm
2 ho’s leave ATL on a train traveling west at 65mph. Their pimp leaves ATL 30 mins later on a train traveling west at 80mph. If I short both ho’s & jump off the train in Birmingham, how long before their pimp whips my azz…?
Poppa Grande
January 19th, 2011
1:46 pm
PR…
Family law is state by state. Generally, the Federal gov’t has refused to partake in this area.
As for your hypo, only one of the “apples of your eye” will be considered your wife. Usually the first one. Polygamy is frowned upon in all states, and outlawed in most. This is one area where the fed gov’t has poked its nose into family law. The first apple of your eye to say “i do” is your wife and marital property would apply. The other ones are just random apples of your eye and the marital debt doesn’t apply to them….lol
Purple Rain
January 19th, 2011
1:48 pm
Swiss, I think the pimp will whip the ho’s azz and not yours.(Different Laws since you made it to Alabama, if you were still in ATL the pimp would whip you and the ho’s) Bish better have his money. LOL
Poppa Grande
January 19th, 2011
1:48 pm
@Suisse
are you taking into account that you lose an hour when you cross the state line. if so, 45mins.
If not…1:45
Purple Rain
January 19th, 2011
1:48 pm
Poppa, I don’t love them ho’s….LOL
Leggs
January 19th, 2011
1:49 pm
@PR ~ even if you open it up individually, if monies are put in the account that would otherwise take away from the household, it can be attached to the divorce decree.
Purple Rain
January 19th, 2011
1:51 pm
Bank accounts. We both have individual accounts, one household account that we share and one savings account that we share. We are both responsible for contributing to our joint savings account and the household bill account. But we both have our own individual savings and checking accounts. I don’t care what she does with her money. We both have an amount to what we are supposed to put into the household bill account and our joint savings accounts.
Purple Rain
January 19th, 2011
1:51 pm
Leggs, not in this state…but that is nothing I have to worry about anyway.
Leggs
January 19th, 2011
1:51 pm
@PNik ~ I like him/her accounts and one joint account for household expenses. If I made more $$ than my hubby, then I would put a higher percentage than he into the joint account, then a certain % in my account to do with as I please. Hopefully, if he made more than I, he would do the same.
BlueThrash
January 19th, 2011
1:52 pm
@Princess – in my last marriage I had everything held jointly (except credit cards and car loans) and had to do one of those “OMG” runs to the bank the day I discovered he was stepping out…he could have cleaned me out if he had not been such an idiot. Next time around, I will keep virtually everything in my own name and maybe have one small joint account for shared expenses. The thing is, we live together now and I pay all of the household bills and he takes care of himself – by this arrangement he was able to get himself out of all of his divorce debt and is now saving money so he can marry me – so I am not sure we even need a joint account as I intend to continue to pay the household bills after marriage. Don’t get me wrong, he pays for some household expenses on occasion – like getting the dog out of the kennel after a vacation – but as I am the one with the money I normally pay for things like food, utilities, vacations, etc.
Poppa Grande
January 19th, 2011
1:58 pm
PR
I said nothing about love..I just said “apples of your eye”.
Leggs
January 19th, 2011
2:01 pm
Hmmmmmm…..
BlackMagicWoman
January 19th, 2011
2:01 pm
BLUE THRASH it seems like you are a great learner from your mistakes. My parents have a joint account…but they both have separate bank accounts and credit cards to do their own thing with…just as long as the majority of their money goes to the joint account to take care of household expenses. My dad is a better shopper than my mom so he does all the grocery shopping. Mom pays all the bills and makes sure that things run smoothly. But they both laugh at each other when they shop for clothes or shoes and then try to hide it from one another.
PURPLE & SWISS…you get a time out!
You guys are nuts!
Purple Rain
January 19th, 2011
2:05 pm
Poppa, I do like apples
Black, nuts? LOL
Purple Rain
January 19th, 2011
2:07 pm
Swiss and I are true players!
Simple Man!!!
January 19th, 2011
2:13 pm
WOW!!! Deep topic today!!! This is a BIG ASS bridge that I hoe to never have to cross!!!
BTW…Whats up Peeps!!!!
Purple Rain
January 19th, 2011
2:15 pm
Simple I agree don’t let a hoe cross that bridge
Simple Man!!!
January 19th, 2011
2:20 pm
LOL…. Whats good PR??? How is tha Minn. Winter treating you?
PrincessNik
January 19th, 2011
2:20 pm
Cee-lo
you are off the chain today
Purple Rain
January 19th, 2011
2:23 pm
Simple man it’s colder than a witches tit. But I am loving the snow and hunting
Purple Rain
January 19th, 2011
2:24 pm
Princess, no chain can contain me. LOL, they better try a choke collar
BlackMagicWoman
January 19th, 2011
2:25 pm
Man..I am staying OFF the Marriage Train to Hell!
PrincessNik
January 19th, 2011
2:25 pm
it’s colder than a witches tit
Cee-lo, my dad used to say that all the time
Simple Man!!!
January 19th, 2011
2:25 pm
Hunting elk like Sara Palin???
Purple Rain
January 19th, 2011
2:28 pm
We are smack dab in the middle of trapping season too. Beaver, Mink and Muskrat. We can still shoot fox though along with rabbits and badgers!
Purple Rain
January 19th, 2011
2:32 pm
Simple Man, sometimes the big cats will stray out but they are elusive during the winters. We shoot coyotes daily or whenever we see them on the land. We let the wolves live as they help control the coyote population. Turkey season is up next then bear season followed by Elk and Moose Season
Purple Rain
January 19th, 2011
2:33 pm
Black, great marriages are out there. Just make sure you have NO reservations at all, wanting a pre nup is a big reservation to me. LOL
Simple Man!!!
January 19th, 2011
2:37 pm
So Purple went all the way to Minnesota the hunt Beaver??? LOL
Seems you you have some real Man vs. Wild ish going on up there!!! I would love to try that with you, but Don’t think they let you hunt with a glock .40
DreamsMaterialize
January 19th, 2011
2:39 pm
Man..I am staying OFF the Marriage Train to Hell!
*Dreams now pulling up in his custom Single Sports Coupe that only goes to Paradise*
BMW jump in!
Purple Rain
January 19th, 2011
2:40 pm
Simple Man you could hunt with it if you wanted to, but if you are close enough to an Elk, Moose our Bear that Glock .40 is not going to stop it in it’s tracks. LOL Better to have a Long Rigle for hunting and a semi auto for protection from snakes, cats and wolves. LOL
BlueThrash
January 19th, 2011
2:41 pm
@Purple Rain – I hear ya, but I believe that the flip side is true and that someone who doesn’t want to sign a pre-nup is the one with the reservations and makes me wonder why exactly he wants to marry me…love or money? I have worked my fanny to the bone to have a successful career and financial security. I am a very generous person, especially with people I love – including my BF, whom I spoil terribly – but I also came close to losing some of it once and knowing that reality can creep in and destroy fairy-tales I would never again marry someone without a pre-nup in place to protect mine and my son’s financial security and future. I trust my BF with my life…but I also know that people can change and that someday he may no longer be someone I can trust.
Purple Rain
January 19th, 2011
2:42 pm
Dreams, she is crazy she said she is #1 on yesterday’s list. Be careful LOL
Purple Rain
January 19th, 2011
2:43 pm
Blue Thrash, you have to do what works for you
DreamsMaterialize
January 19th, 2011
2:45 pm
Dreams, she is crazy she said she is #1 on yesterday’s list. Be careful
Purp In that case I need to switch to the Singles Rocket, so I get to “Paradise” in two minutes. hahaha
SlimNumeroUno
January 19th, 2011
2:46 pm
Howdy folks…..
BlueThrash
January 19th, 2011
2:46 pm
“so I get to “Paradise” in two minutes”
Dude, pace yourself. LOL
DreamsMaterialize
January 19th, 2011
2:54 pm
Dude, pace yourself. LOL
Naw BlueT if she’s a #1 like Purp said, then I need to get in and get out…two, dos, deux minutes! lol
i'm swiss™
January 19th, 2011
2:55 pm
Purple / PG — Good try… but actually, it was a trick question. The correct answer is: NEVER! ‘Cos I would beat that pimp down!
DreamsMaterialize
January 19th, 2011
2:56 pm
SlimWashington what’s good? thanks for gracing us with your presence today.
Purple Rain
January 19th, 2011
2:56 pm
Dreams, that is a great plan. I didn’t say she was #1 crazy she did herself out of all thing things on that list she choose #1 lol
Slim, hello
Purple Rain
January 19th, 2011
2:57 pm
Swiss, you are such a pimp.
SlimNumeroUno
January 19th, 2011
3:00 pm
SlimWASHINGTON??? — Dreams, did I miss something? Fill me in please
Purp – have you been staying out of trouble? I haven’t been in here much lately.
DreamsMaterialize
January 19th, 2011
3:04 pm
SlimWASHINGTON??? — Dreams, did I miss something? Fill me in please
NumeroUno…Washington on the $1 bill. lol
Purple Rain
January 19th, 2011
3:04 pm
Slim, yes I have been staying out of trouble.
BlackMagicWoman
January 19th, 2011
3:20 pm
DREAMS…..you know that car is rented. Take it back!
BLUE…I feel you girl. Do what’s best for you and your son. Everything else is secondary! I’d do the same thing if I were in your shoes.
PURPLE… you know I was kidding bruh! I am closer to #7 (sensitive) than anything.
SlimNumeroUno
January 19th, 2011
3:21 pm
Dreams… – ooooooooooooo, now I gotcha. A little slow I am. lol
Purple Rain
January 19th, 2011
3:23 pm
Black, well in that case give me some
Y'all Are Kids
January 19th, 2011
3:25 pm
people that don’t understand the need for a pre-nup, either don’t have anything, or are ignorant to the societal changes in the last 50 years. Woman can vote now, right?
Purple Rain
January 19th, 2011
3:33 pm
Really? You are single aren’t you.
DreamsMaterialize
January 19th, 2011
3:38 pm
DREAMS…..you know that car is rented. Take it back!
BMW nuh uhhhh this is all mine. what’s wrong…scrrrrrrd? lol
Dreams… – ooooooooooooo, now I gotcha. A little slow I am.
slim naw you good. it wasn’t all that obvious…actually probably kinda wack. lol
BlackMagicWoman
January 19th, 2011
3:39 pm
PURPLE….you so nasty!
Purple Rain
January 19th, 2011
3:40 pm
LOL
PrincessNik
January 19th, 2011
3:48 pm
is it just me or has today been never ending…………….
Purple Rain
January 19th, 2011
3:54 pm
Princess are you bored? What is on your mind?
PrincessNik
January 19th, 2011
3:57 pm
Cee-lo
I am not bored, its actually almost quitting time for me, but it just seems today has dragged on and on and on, maybe because my day started with a staff meeting.
Purple Rain
January 19th, 2011
4:10 pm
Yes that will do it
SlimNumeroUno
January 19th, 2011
4:12 pm
‘it wasn’t all that obvious…actually probably kinda wack. lol’
Dreams – well, that was sorta my first thought but since I hadn’t really been keeping up, I didn’t want to put my foot in my mouth. (it’s not time to bite my toenails just yet anyway) lol
SlimNumeroUno
January 19th, 2011
4:16 pm
Purp – Don’t you have a kick arse chicken alfredo recipe or something…or do i have you mixed up with someone? If you do, would you email it whenever you have a chance within the next few days…
Purple Rain
January 19th, 2011
4:18 pm
Slim, that is me and I will
Purple Rain
January 19th, 2011
4:22 pm
I have it saved because blog family asks about it sometimes flour about a quarter cup, about a quarter tsp of salt, some fresh ground black pepper and some oregano, chicken breast boned and skinless..umm four table spoons olive oil, some Marsala wine..I am generous with it but no more than a glass,about two handfuls of mushrooms, a half cup of chicken stock and a half cup of sherry and a half of lemon. Mix together the flour, salt, oregano, and pepper. Beat the chicken breasts with the flat side of your meat mallet softly. Roll the chicken in your mixture. On medium-high, heat the olive oil and brown the chicken…both sides. Then put chicken onto a plate. Pour wine into the oil and warm. Mix in the mushrooms, chicken stock and juice of the lemon..flip chicken over to get it well coated with the sauce. Simmer for 10 minutes
Purple Rain
January 19th, 2011
4:24 pm
I’ve almost been on here for a whole year. wowzers
SlimNumeroUno
January 19th, 2011
4:25 pm
Purp – thanks sweetie, whenever I throw this together, i’ll let you know how it turned out.
Random – I can’t seem to get enough sleep lately. Yaaawwwwwwn
Purple Rain
January 19th, 2011
4:25 pm
Slim I posted it because I lost your email address
Purple Rain
January 19th, 2011
4:26 pm
I had to get rid of that old email account when I got married. You know I would not want the wife finding out about our tryst or our freaky pictures LOL
Purple Rain
January 19th, 2011
4:26 pm
No problem Slim
BlackMagicWoman
January 19th, 2011
4:41 pm
PURPLE…..let me find out you are the Italian Stallion version of G. Garvin!