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Bad dating habits you should change this year

I got a stern talking to from my male friends about the bad dating habits that I, and apparently women in Atlanta, should stop immediately. I did not like hearing it. I’m still a little bit salty about the “male intervention” but I promised I would do a dating blog PSA. Perhaps a little tough love could make a difference!

Bad habit #1 Comparing men to your father. Good or bad. Some women adore their fathers and want their men to spoil them like Dad did/does. Then there are women who had awful fathers and believe all men are just like their no-good fathers. Regardless, the men you date should not be unfairly compared or harshly judged by unrealistic expectations. The truth is, all Dads are men/human so they made/make mistakes too.

Bad habit# 2 Judging men by where they are in life. My friends tell me that men feel a huge amount of pressure to be successful. Men won’t go around broadcasting to women that they had setbacks in their past. Who knows what they have already endured to get where they are already? Stop scrutinizing so-called “shortcomings” and focus on character and compatibility.

Bad habit# 3 Let sex get in the way. Women spend too much time stressing on the right/wrong time. Men appreciate a woman who is confident in her choice and respect your decision. Make your choice but don’t play games.

These were the top three bad habits that my friends thinks women should change. What do you think? Would changing these bad habits make a difference for women?

Do you have any bad dating habits that you wish single people would drop?

360 comments Add your comment

Kym

January 18th, 2011
11:14 am

“everyone dates with a purpose (i.e. marriage, sex, companionship, etc). The problem comes when those purposes don’t match up and someone isn’t being honest about theirs.”

@Raqi..I would like to second that emotion.

Raqi V

January 18th, 2011
11:15 am

Thanks Leggs. I think I need to stop moving. I have motion sickness. LOL Imma go lay down on the bed. Imma start my sleep number at 35 and adjust accordingly.

BlackMagicWoman

January 18th, 2011
11:16 am

M. Girl I agree 100% on the 3 agendas. Usually men’s agendas are physical…physical…and physical! H0rny b@stards!

CELISEA…you were blessed to have a good father. I wasn’t. It sucks because your father is your intro to men. And if it starts off wrong…well chances are there will be a bumpy road of daddy-clones that you will attract. If what they say is true about the sins of the father falling on the child, then I have quite a burden. Men like my bio-dad do not care that their actions cause the suffering of their own flesh and blood. I literally told my mother that I blame her for choosing him. Her reasons were selfish and juvenile (she liked what he looked like and said that 2 good looking people would make a pretty baby). I understand…I don’t want no ugly baby either. :lol: However…the scrapes on her knuckles prove that she scraped the bottom of the barrell to get him. :lol: Looks is all he contributed. Well that and a crapload of bad karma on his unknown amount of kids (4 daughters +). In her defense she thought I was the first born. Needless to say, every few years I get a new older sibling. I despise men like him! But yet, I tend to attrack them. Although I have been praying for the feeling of disgust to go away for him, I think I despise him as well! I am still trying to figure out what I give off to attract these losers. I have still yet to figure it out. But I have a great step-dad that came into my life late in my teens…after the damage has been done. But he does a great job of moping up the mess that sperm-donor made. So now I try to look for guys like him….hardworking and will do anything for his family and loves my mami to pieces!

2CPTG

January 18th, 2011
11:17 am

’sup…..

hmmmm, some bad dating habits that need changing….

lemme think for a minute….

Beautiful

January 18th, 2011
11:21 am

@Raqi

you’re absolutely right! thanks for clearing that up. and i’ve been lucky to have had suitors already know where i’m coming from from jump.

M. (pronouced M dot)

January 18th, 2011
11:22 am

@BMW

I dont think that Physical is always a guys agenda. I think women think that because Physical is the only bargaining chip that most women have to bring to the table so they use it to manipulate guys whenever possible ;)

i'm swiss™

January 18th, 2011
11:23 am

Wait… Isn’t M. a dude?

Leggs

January 18th, 2011
11:24 am

@Raqi ~ thought your sleep number was 65 (lol). Has it changed since you are now not alone in your own body (LOL).

M. (pronouced M dot)

January 18th, 2011
11:24 am

@BMW

Im a guy lol

Celisea

January 18th, 2011
11:24 am

Staceye – because your father is your intro to men and Men like my bio-dad do not care that their actions cause the suffering of their own flesh and blood are statements supporting exactly what we’re talking about. Men that cannot or have not or are not living up to their God given potential often (IMO) feel it’s some “attitude” that’s coming off but it’s not. Most men are not reared in today’s time to just go ahead and take the lead and are offended or put off if you require. I cannot get with this new age of wanting us to be equal in some areas but wants the lead in all other areas….either you want it or you don’t. It’s not a divided trait or characteristic….you possess or you don’t or pretending or it’s half azzedness and when you’re told, you’re offended. As humans we are equal but by gender you (the man) have the lead.

M. (pronouced M dot)

January 18th, 2011
11:25 am

Also the Chicago Bears are going to the Super Bowl and will win it all!

Beautiful

January 18th, 2011
11:26 am

the internet dating gets two thumbs up from me, because men have a chance to read you before they step to you. so my above comment… i haven’t been lucky per se, just them doing their homework.

Sweet Pea

January 18th, 2011
11:29 am

@BMW…Perhaps these jerkoffs think we’re all alike because of the kind of women they’ve encountered. Some of us have standards so what’s good for the gander may not be good for some gooses!! Dating seems to be devalued now days with emailing, FB, phone calls under the influence, texting, and any other effortless act! LOL

Beautiful

January 18th, 2011
11:30 am

:( i agree! *Physical is the only bargaining chip that most women have to bring to the table so they use it to manipulate guys whenever possible.*

Leggs

January 18th, 2011
11:31 am

“Physical is the only bargaining chip that most women have to bring to the table” ~ Damn, that’s a very low opinion you have of women.

M. (pronouced M dot)

January 18th, 2011
11:34 am

@Leggs

I didnt say all women! Everybody knows someone who has a man who is whipped!

Leggs

January 18th, 2011
11:38 am

@Beautiful – stop agreeing (LOL)!

CoolShadow

January 18th, 2011
11:38 am

Do you have any bad dating habits that you wish single people would drop?

Stop the extrapolation and stretching of truth. Sort of a play on Bad Habit #2. While being a fund manager and bank teller are categorically similar in that they involve financial transactions with other people’s money, they’re really quite different. If you’re a bank teller, say you’re a bank teller and stop trying to swag it like a fund manager. State what/where you are before you tell people what/where you want to be.

Acknowledge your flaws and imperfections. The dissolution of previous relationships may not have been your total undoing, but you had a hand in it because you were in it. Don’t try to brag on your ability to pull yet always be the victim when things go south. I realize you’re not perfect but you’re not completely faultless either. Some of it was your fault too, like maybe your selectivity (or lack thereof)…

Know where you stand with the other person. Two dates does not mean you get access to my inner circle or become my most trusted confidante. If you’re not sure, ask. Otherwise, exhibit patience and be aware because sometimes just by observing you can get answers to questions that you never asked.

Raqi V

January 18th, 2011
11:40 am

Usually men’s agendas are physical…physical…and physical! H0rny b@stards!

LOL BlackMagic. That statement is true. But let’s be fair, it’s not all they want. However they aren’t really interested in a relationship without.

They are funny like that. They don’t necessary have to be in a relationship to get sex but they definitely aren’t trying to be in one without it. LOL

Leggs

January 18th, 2011
11:40 am

Leggs

January 18th, 2011
11:43 am

@CoolShadow ~ your 3rd paragraph is on point. Let the relationship marinate before you try moving in! Slow down and enjoy. Pressure right off the back will have you looking at my peephole from outside! (So glad olem isn’t here to run with this).

Purple Rain

January 18th, 2011
11:43 am

Bad dating habit that needs to stop

Stop making the next person pay for what the last person did to you.

BlackMagicWoman

January 18th, 2011
11:45 am

RAQI….did I miss something? Did the rabbit die again? :shock:

M. well I for one do not use my physical as a bargining chip. But for some reason…guys do look past my physical to see that! I don’t hoochi-fy (yes I said hoochi-fy) myself in order to attract men. But yet and still my physical becomes a hurdle that always trips me up and lands me flat on my face. Should I wear baggy sweats and not comb my hair and groom myself inorder to be see as a person? :lol:

Raqi V

January 18th, 2011
11:49 am

Leggs, it normally is but my back hurts today. I don’t really know why but it does. The little bean is only a little over 6 oz. according to my sonogram yesterday which is not really enough to be putting a strain on my back already.

Maybe picking up that 23 pounder is making my back hurt.

Raqi V

January 18th, 2011
11:50 am

did I miss something? Did the rabbit die again?

That darn rabbit ran out in traffic on purpose. LOL

Leggs

January 18th, 2011
11:51 am

Question: If you started talking with someone fairly regularly and then the phone convos stopped, would you ask why the interest died or would you simply K.I.M.?

Purple Rain

January 18th, 2011
11:54 am

Leggs, I would ask what happened

Leggs

January 18th, 2011
11:54 am

Yep, that 23 pounder may have something to do with it…be careful!

Raqi V

January 18th, 2011
12:03 pm

Leggs, had that happen a few times. A couple I asked what happened with no response. One or two I just didn’t bother. I guess it’s just part of the whole dating dance.

You wonder though would you rather hear “hey I don’t think this is working” / “I don’t like you as much as I thought I would” or would you rather they just do the disappearing act.

One thing I can say is the disappearing act creates some uncomfortable situations when you just happen to bump into each other one day. The one who went missing tries not to make eye contact with other. LOL Very. Awkward. I am guilty.

Beautiful

January 18th, 2011
12:04 pm

keep it moving! dealing with a guy now who i believe had me as an option kinda. he seemed sincere with spending time, but since he is a social butterfly he could never find “the time”. i don’t hate or dislike him. i just let him fade. i believe that since he is newly divorced he is having a good time being single. he knows I DATE WITH A PURPOSE so why bother with me, which makes good sense to me. he is doing the right thing by leaving me alone. i’m dating someone else now, but if i’m avail when he is ready… we can start over.

Beautiful

January 18th, 2011
12:06 pm

is it bad to leave doors open? hmmmm…

Leggs

January 18th, 2011
12:08 pm

@Raqi V ~ I guess it’s just part of the whole dating dance.

YEP!

Leggs

January 18th, 2011
12:12 pm

@Beautiful ~ if it’s the bathroom door when in use YES!

DreamsMaterialize

January 18th, 2011
12:13 pm

Bad habit #1 Comparing men to your father.
The problem with this is that it’s not an apples to apples comparison. Women know their fathers as fathers, not mates/husbands. So, it’s not quite the same.

Bad habit# 2 Judging men by where they are in life.
A woman will only do this if she feels you’re worse off than she is. Otherwise, she’s not qualified to judge. Really who cares though? Feel free to judge me openly…that way I can cut my losses early.

Bad habit# 3 Let sex get in the way.
Hmmmm maybe women wouldn’t do this if some men wouldn’t stress it so much. If you focus on getting it, then she’ll focus on keeping it from you.

Beautiful

January 18th, 2011
12:14 pm

LOL! i meant for men to come back.

BlackMagicWoman

January 18th, 2011
12:16 pm

RAQI…congrats mommy-to-be again! Be very careful about how you are picking Lizzy up please!

LEGGS…keep it moving! That is what happened with me and the guy. Now that I ignore him…here he comes texting me. Nah ninja! You thought I was going to chase you! I put my sneakers on and ran the other way!

BEAUTIFUL…Doors are meant to be closed! I realized if a guy turns to leave, but still tries to keep a foot in the doorway…slam it on his foot until he moves it and shut the door! Oh yeah…and lock all the locks so this fool can’t get back in! Don’t allow him to keep you as the fall-back chick. If he doesn’t see anything else better or it’s not working the way he wants it to with some other girl…he wants to keep the door open so he can slide back in. It’s a game show….once you choose the prize behind the curtain, you can’t then switch for the original prize! Not here sucka! :lol:

Celisea

January 18th, 2011
12:17 pm

Doors left opened? Depends.

As a fallback, no…gotta want more/better for yourself.

As something that has potential but maybe timing/life events in the way? Yes, maybe.

Beautiful

January 18th, 2011
12:20 pm

thx Staceye! lol.

i feel ya… *As something that has potential but maybe timing/life events in the way?*

BlackMagicWoman

January 18th, 2011
12:22 pm

Hmmmm maybe women wouldn’t do this if some men wouldn’t stress it so much. If you focus on getting it, then she’ll focus on keeping it from you.

DREAMS….amen brotha!

Handsome1

January 18th, 2011
12:22 pm

Good afternoon everyone, I have an honest question if he has all that you are looking for the emotional, physical and financial why do women constantly try to pick a man apart rather than accepting him for who he is, thats IF you truly know what you want?

Leggs

January 18th, 2011
12:23 pm

@Beautiful ~ I knew what you meant!

Leggs

January 18th, 2011
12:25 pm

@Handsome1 ~ I don’t understand. If he truly has all she’s looking forw, she wouldn’t be picking him apart. Something apparently is still missing for her!

Handsome1

January 18th, 2011
12:27 pm

I felt that she still has issues but i wanted to overlook them

Purple Rain

January 18th, 2011
12:31 pm

Leggs, some women will. Do not forget “the friend factor” LOL or that he has to look good on paper

Celisea

January 18th, 2011
12:31 pm

Handsome1 – I have an honest question if he has all that you are looking for the emotional, physical and financial why do women constantly try to pick a man apart rather than accepting him for who he is, thats IF you truly know what you want?

Really Handsome1, we’re at odds on this thing about this all the time. Men feel one way about themselves that obviously women don’t get and vice versa. So, if I may…..ask her directly if ya’ll language is the same. Ask her if she recognizes that fact that you possess all of these qualities….see what she says. Your read and hers may not be the same. You could be right but how about open honest dialog. You might be surprised at what she reads in what you’re projecting. I bet each of us will say we read one way but someone else outside of ourselves will say otherwise.

Raqi V

January 18th, 2011
12:31 pm

Leggs, yeah I know. The next time I am at Target I am going to look for a step stool so I don’t have to pick her up to put her in the chair. I am going to start changing her diaper on the floor. That will work until it takes me 5 minutes to get down there and 10 minutes to get up. LOL

I have been sitting her on the potty. That’s a looooooong process. LOL

Raqi V

January 18th, 2011
12:37 pm

BlackMagic and Dreams, I agree. Some guys talk all that crap about the cashmere kitty not being a very desired commodity for them yet they spent so much time and effort trying to get to know her.

I think it was…danggit I can’t remember who that was but it was one of the guys on here…he was talking about women put too much value on the cashmere. I and a few of the other women told him Nah it’s you menfolk that puts the value on it when you get all stupid trying to get it.

That particular blogger was trying to discredit the value and say women should give it up more and more freely. Just the way he was going at it raised the value by 105%. LOL

Handsome1

January 18th, 2011
12:44 pm

@ celisea

we talk openly i let her know where i stand (busines owner, own home, no kids last serious relatioship in 2005) and why i dont just date any woman (club hoppers, cyberpimping) we agreed, we enjoyed each others time, i told her im not in a hurry (33 on christmas eve),

She feels i judge her beacuse she has 2 kids (whom i do more for than their own dad) she asked my input on her sons i gave it now she is kind of hostile, so i fell back

Handsome1

January 18th, 2011
12:46 pm

I called her and she says i act too nonchalant?

CoolShadow

January 18th, 2011
12:46 pm

@Handsome1
To answer your question from one male’s perspective, some women don’t really know what they want even though they say they do. It seems as if women can compile lists of deal breakers much quicker and longer than lists of desirable qualities. Some women follow trends and girlfriends’ advice rather than establishing her personal relationship benchmarks and standards. And some women don’t know when to end the vetting process and to let trust and evidence of reasonable behavior of the potential mate to take over, i.e., it’s easier for them to do nothing or constantly hold back rather than take the chance to explore things further.