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Bad dating habits you should change this year

I got a stern talking to from my male friends about the bad dating habits that I, and apparently women in Atlanta, should stop immediately. I did not like hearing it. I’m still a little bit salty about the “male intervention” but I promised I would do a dating blog PSA. Perhaps a little tough love could make a difference!

Bad habit #1 Comparing men to your father. Good or bad. Some women adore their fathers and want their men to spoil them like Dad did/does. Then there are women who had awful fathers and believe all men are just like their no-good fathers. Regardless, the men you date should not be unfairly compared or harshly judged by unrealistic expectations. The truth is, all Dads are men/human so they made/make mistakes too.

Bad habit# 2 Judging men by where they are in life. My friends tell me that men feel a huge amount of pressure to be successful. Men won’t go around broadcasting to women that they had setbacks in their past. Who knows what they have already endured to get where they are already? Stop scrutinizing so-called “shortcomings” and focus on character and compatibility.

Bad habit# 3 Let sex get in the way. Women spend too much time stressing on the right/wrong time. Men appreciate a woman who is confident in her choice and respect your decision. Make your choice but don’t play games.

These were the top three bad habits that my friends thinks women should change. What do you think? Would changing these bad habits make a difference for women?

Do you have any bad dating habits that you wish single people would drop?

360 comments Add your comment

SlimNumeroUno

January 18th, 2011
8:22 am

We’re baaaaaaaack! Dang Diva, I was at least hoping to engage in some bootlegg blogging yesterday but yall even took that away. :-(

SlimNumeroUno

January 18th, 2011
8:44 am

‘Do you have any bad dating habits that you wish single people would drop?’

Being dishonest about what it is you are looking for or want. If you aren’t looking for a potential serious type relationship and I’ve told you that’s what I want, don’t lie about wanting the same thing just to kick it.

If you’re married, separated but still married, have a girlfriend, living with a chick, still kicking with your baby mama then keep it moving. Don’t come up with all these fibs to explain away the situation to play it down in hopes that I will give you some.

Simple Man!!!!

January 18th, 2011
8:51 am

Morning Slim1……

PrincessNik

January 18th, 2011
8:57 am

Being dishonest about what it is you are looking for or want. If you aren’t looking for a potential serious type relationship and I’ve told you that’s what I want, don’t lie about wanting the same thing just to kick it.

@ Slim~ and there it is!!

Good Morning!

SlimNumeroUno

January 18th, 2011
8:59 am

SM – Morning buddy!!

So since you and PN are the only ones in here, what did yall do while we were all snowed in?

PrincessNik

January 18th, 2011
9:05 am

Slim

Cleaned, played the wii, read, caught up wit my DVR movies and tv shows…………..

Simple Man!!!!

January 18th, 2011
9:11 am

Slim…Sat in front of the fire and relaxed!!! Since I was alone when he storm hit, I was forced to go it alone!!!

Simple Man!!!!

January 18th, 2011
9:12 am

How about you Slim???

Leggs

January 18th, 2011
9:20 am

Good morning.

@SlimNU ~ I too was hoping for a bootleg blog day yesterday. The day took forever to end w/o any form of blogging! I think I need a blog intervention!!

Bad dating habits: Low tolerance! I received a call last night from a man I met about 2 weeks ago. I couldn’t understand one freaking word he said. When I asked if he was drunk he got offended and talked more jibberish. I asked him to not call me again when he’s in whatever state he was in. I told him I was hanging up and he started wimpering…WTF. I looked at the phone and hung it up. Another one bites the dust…

Mo (aka Moeisha)

January 18th, 2011
9:25 am

Hey Ladies, I see ya’ll are holding the fort down.

While snowed in – worked from home, helped Lil Mo with homework, cooked, cleaned, played some games w Lil Mo and watched some PBS shows (I really like Sid the Science Kid)…..

SlimOne – “If you’re married, separated but still married, have a girlfriend, living with a chick, still kicking with your baby mama then keep it moving.” Co-signing 100%! I always get a kick out the guys who date but are separated…WTH???

Delight23...icicles no more

January 18th, 2011
9:31 am

Good morning peoples!! Happy New Year…okay said that a few weeks back but goodness it feels like I’m starting over once again. Last week just got me all discombobulated.

Bad dating habit I would like to see dropped: Stop freakin’ lying. Yes, I know, and people in heck want ice water.

Leggs

January 18th, 2011
9:34 am

I think there are just as many men looking for SugarMamas as there are women looking for SugarDaddys!

PrincessNik

January 18th, 2011
9:36 am

Leggs!! I agree with that!

Like Keri Hilson said (i’ll paraphrase) “you want a ride or die chick but you don’t have a car you need a walk or die chick”

:lol:

SlimNumeroUno

January 18th, 2011
9:43 am

Simple Man – I was snowed in with the Dude. We chilled by the fireplace, grilled out, drank some goose, played in the snow…chilled out :mrgreen: :oops: ;-)

PrincessNik

January 18th, 2011
9:43 am

Oh and I think that goes both ways, people expecting more from other people than they expect of themselves.

i'm swiss™

January 18th, 2011
9:46 am

Morning folks…

Hmm… Not much to say on topic, so I’ll lurk & wait for a chance to pounce with a dirty comment… :lol:

Hope everybody had a good snow break…

Leggs

January 18th, 2011
9:57 am

I’m going to go make a hot cup of tea w/lemon…anybody need anything?

Sweet Pea

January 18th, 2011
9:59 am

Good Morning and Happy New Year :)

Comparing others to an ex…She is your ex or you are her ex for a reason so if you have to keep in “constant” communication once the children are grown and gone then perhaps you should’ve remain together. It’s ok to remain friends, however if she still has a key to your house…It makes things complicated. I care not to partake in a FWB situation!!

“Take a break until you get the feelings out of your system!

Giving lip service but can’t officially deliver anything but just that! If there are no actions then it will get you dismissed!

Talking about S..E..X by making subtle innuendos during our first conversation is certainly a red flag and a turn off!

“If you’re married, separated but still married, have a girlfriend, living with a chick, still kicking with your baby mama then keep it moving.” Co-signing 100% too!!

AmazonRed™

January 18th, 2011
10:01 am

Morning all –

That’s actually a good list Diva. I have a wonderful dad, and I don’t think I compare, but I always say “they don’t make men like they used to….” so maybe I do. :lol:

I think one habit men should change is the whole, “if she doesn’t make the first move/ ask me for my number/ step to me she’s not interested” argument. There are still women who believe in a guy stepping to her, there are still women who expect a man whose interested to step to her!

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AmazonRed™

January 18th, 2011
10:11 am

Slim – Your 8:44 is the truth!!!

AmazonRed™

January 18th, 2011
10:14 am

Oooh…and another one. Stop relying on “passive” communication. If you have her phone number, use it to call! Don’t use FB, email, texting, IM, BBM or morse code more than you actually dial her!

Raqi V

January 18th, 2011
10:14 am

Yeah Leggs, you got something over there for backaches and nausea? This is supposed to be the “honeymoon” stage but a honeymoon it is not this morning. LOL

Sweet Pea

January 18th, 2011
10:15 am

@ARed…I totally agree with your post as it’s nothing wrong with the traditional way of getting acquainted. Some may feel that it’s old fashioned when in fact it’s simply the way you were raised.

M. (pronouced M dot)

January 18th, 2011
10:17 am

Good day everyone.

Wise your friend was spot on with #1 and this is an issue that I have heard before. I was out with this girl and she said her dad told her the man has to win her over, impress her, she should never pay for a date blah blah. You see where that got her. In that case, date your dad then! ;)

Also regarding #3 I totally agree also because alot of women make it all about that and in turn, they undervalue their self respect, similar interests and compatibaility with the guy etc. This is also bad for women because they build up false expectations in the physical area. The best method is to not bring it up until everyone is ready to discuss this.

Here are my top 5 dating habits that need to stop today:

1. Texting while on a date and acting uninterested in a date. If you dont want to go, dont waste his time, energy, and resources.

2. Comparing him to other men you dated/dating. Its immature and really does happen.

3. Double booking dates on the same day. Guys arent as dumb as you think. He knows if you are rushing him off to do something next.

4. Trying to pressure a guy into dating you. If you are come off thirsty, it is a turn off. Simple and plain.

5. Being to sarcastic on a date. Sarcasim has a place but theres a difference in being sarcastic and having a slick mouth with someone you dont even know. Chill!

Raqi V

January 18th, 2011
10:19 am

My opinion on the topic…

I agree that the bad habits need to cease. Especially the lying. While we all have been guilty and some here are presently guilty of not letting the true intentions be known, there comes a time when folks need to grow up and deal with what’s real.

If you are only looking to kick-it with someone let it be known. Yeah we all know doing that probably will not get you the benefits you are out to get but heck it makes life easier for all. The woman/man doesn’t get heartbroken you don’t get your tires or throat slashed.

M. (pronouced M dot)

January 18th, 2011
10:25 am

My friend made the best quote ever. “People in dating need to look in the mirror and be 100% honest with themselves about their agenda” If I know I dont want a serious relationship now, I should not date like that. If I know I dont want to be married right now, I should not date like that.

Leggs

January 18th, 2011
10:25 am

Awww, sorry to hear you’re not feeling good this morning, Raqi V!

@M. ~ I never understood why people do #1 on a date. It is rude and childish. I’d like to believe I’m on a date with you and not your BB!

I don’t understand why people “pressure” people into anything! If it has to be forced, it won’t be any fun.

Raqi V

January 18th, 2011
10:25 am

I saw the preview for the movie “No Strings Attached” last night about four times. I was thinking at first the way of mating has gone to the pits but then I said I guess it’s better to know up front the person wants nothing more than physical time with you. However we all know that someone will always catch feelings. Strings are like spider webs, you don’t always see them and you don’t know it’s there until you walk into it.

Leggs

January 18th, 2011
10:27 am

Same like giving ultimatums into getting a marriage proposal. I see no good there.

Sweet Pea

January 18th, 2011
10:35 am

@m. Your 10:25am is on point! Being honest and not having a hidden agenda will certainly control a lot of damage that is being done.

Raqi V

January 18th, 2011
10:40 am

I don’t think comparing a man to a man that you have seen live up to what a good man should be is necessarily a bad thing. There is a line that can get crossed but for the most part it’s just a matter of expecting someone to live up to a standard. Standards are based on what has already taken place. Something that has already been proven.
If we as mates and friends don’t have standards and hold each other to standards any old crap will get dumped on us.

Now no one should go around verbalizing to a man or woman that you are trying to get to know all the ways your dad did it or you mom did it. But you should at least have some type of standard in mind.

As for not judging a person before getting to know them, (yeah I added the getting to know them) I agree.

SexyCool

January 18th, 2011
10:44 am

Bad habit #1 – If your father was in your life to set an example of manhood for you, what is the problem with using that as a guideline?

Bad habit #2 – If your bad decisions to this point in your life have resulted in you dealing with several issues, what makes me think that all of a sudden you’ve seen the light and will magically begin to make better decisions? How do I know that you will not continue to apply what has been obviously flawed logic and bad judgement?

Bad habit #3 – Now that….I think I can actually agree with. In my opinion, it’s not so much about sexing too quickly. It’s more about allowing sex and emotion cloud your judgement and cause you to make bad relationship choices before you’ve done your due diligence and taken your time to learn a person. MY probationary period is applied to my heart and my head.

Kym

January 18th, 2011
10:46 am

Good Morning All,

I like that list but I think the first two applies to both sexes. While I am someone’s mama..I am not your mama and I don’t care what any man says if Joanna messed him over then every woman after Joanna is going to have to deal with the bitterness she left behind until time heals that wound.

As for me personally I know Habit #2 is my walk to overcome, because I have trust issues. I am always searching for the angle or waiting for the shoe to drop.

@Raqi..I saw the preview too and like the saying goes art imitates life..for some folks the No Strings Attached idea works.

@All Falcons fans.. I figured I would wait a full three days so you could put icy hot on your bums and drink your blues away..but Mourning period is over jokers..Ha! HA! HA!! Black and Red..yeah right..more like black and blue..back to the drawing board..Fakecons.
Whew!! that felt good!!!

SexyCool

January 18th, 2011
10:47 am

Said all of that to say, be extreme in nothing. Be cautious when necessary while at the same time knowing when to throw caution to the wind.

Know thyself. Determine your standards. Know when to compromise.

Have fun.
Love life.
Laugh lots.

SexyCool

January 18th, 2011
10:49 am

o/t – I was walking through the parking deck this morning and saw a New York & Company gift card on the ground. I walked right past it. A little voice told me to go back and pick it up. I just called to check the balance. It has $25 on the card!!!

BlackMagicWoman

January 18th, 2011
10:51 am

Being dishonest about what it is you are looking for or want. If you aren’t looking for a potential serious type relationship and I’ve told you that’s what I want, don’t lie about wanting the same thing just to kick it.

SLIM…girl…story of my life! These dudes will be quick to say that they want a relationship. Then all of a sudden..they don’t know what they want! LIARS!

LEGGS….you got a drunk call? :lol: Now that’s classic! But having low tolerance…I think is a good think. The problem has been tolerating BS! I think with each year mine hets lower. It is at -2 right now. I just cut the guy that I had been seeing off. All of a sudden you are so busy working 2 jobs and working out that you don’t have time to speak or see me. Well I made your time management a bit easier…removed myself from your schedule. Now all of a sudden you want to come texting me. Fool…stop being a punk! If you wantt o come crawling with your tail between your legs at least have the decency to call. I mean I’d be very short and dry…but oh well! Girl I am enjoying my new date rotation! :lol:

” “you want a ride or die chick but you don’t have a car you need a walk or die chick”

PRINCESS NIK….girl ain’t that the truth!?!

“Talking about S..E..X by making subtle innuendos during our first conversation is certainly a red flag and a turn off!”

SWEET PEA….you must be meeting the same jerkoffs that I have been meeting! Newsflash guys…I am NOT turned on by you telling me how hot I make you or how you want to touch and kiss me all over. In fact it makes me NOT want to talk to you at all.

“Oooh…and another one. Stop relying on “passive” communication. If you have her phone number, use it to call! Don’t use FB, email, texting, IM, BBM or morse code more than you actually dial her!

ARED…girl….I tell you these fools don’t know the art of a phone call anymore. I will start to ignore texts, BBM, email, etc. I am not a friggin’ robot and neither are you!

“If I know I dont want a serious relationship now, I should not date like that. If I know I dont want to be married right now, I should not date like that.”

M. I co-sign!

Celisea

January 18th, 2011
10:51 am

I think it depends on these men mean by “comparing.” Most times I believe men that compare are speaking to what women would view as practing standards and usually what’s getting in the way. Here’s what I think:

Being spoiled…I agree. That’s just plain silly and immature. However it’s not unrealistic to want you to do and be what you what a man should be as as a mate, what you expect from me. That would include handling your business, knowing your woman and what she likes. Knowing how to feed those likes (sometimes) “just because.” Yes, my daddy set the ultimate example of what it means to be a man. He was the head, the leader, he knew my mama and when to show appreciation for “doing her job” and doing it well. Was it her job to do? Yes. Did he owe her that? No…but he did it because she was the good wife and mother, because he knew she would appreciate being appreciated and because he knew if she would appreciate being appreciated, then she would appreciate him and all he did. No getting around that comparison. If I can’t see the same trait and characteristic and you call it comparison, then yes I guess I’m guilty.

Not being where you want…let’s see. I’m not either. I might be wrong but I don’t really believe anyone is….as long as you’re moving thought. That’s not a deal breaker though. Not moving at all but calling it something other than becomes the problem.

Sex in the way….(i.e.standards). How is living by a standard or practicing decorum is the same as letting it get in the way? The natural order of things would be to get to know someone. It’s not natural to go below the surface and then try and come back to know and understand a person.

Celisea

January 18th, 2011
10:54 am

….and men are lying if they say they don’t compare.

M. (pronouced M dot)

January 18th, 2011
10:57 am

@SweetPea
@BMW

I think thats where people mess up because they have different agendas. Her agenda may be emotional and his may be financial. Her agenda may be physical and his may be emotional. There are only 3 agendas.

1. Emotional
2. Financial
3. Phyisical

Leggs

January 18th, 2011
10:58 am

MY probationary period is applied to my heart and my head.

I like!

@BMW ~ I agree with everything you just bellowed! :wink:

Beautiful

January 18th, 2011
10:58 am

happy Monday!

one thing i announce on day one is that I DATE WITH A PURPOSE! and then go about explaining what that means. smh. to my surprise it has actually kept them interested. yea… wow! it’s my way of weeding out the fwb thing. (i’m not saying there’s something wrong with that in my Seinfeld voice. LOL)

:)

Leggs

January 18th, 2011
11:05 am

@Beautiful ~ today is Tuesday!

Beautiful

January 18th, 2011
11:05 am

my fav gospel song… Bishop E Long featuring the GW’s Righteous Forsaken!!!

AmazonRed™

January 18th, 2011
11:05 am

AmazonRed™

January 18th, 2011
11:06 am

@Beautiful ~ today is Tuesday!

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Beautiful

January 18th, 2011
11:06 am

haha… thx Leggs!

Beautiful

January 18th, 2011
11:06 am

LOL! shuddup Red!!!

Raqi V

January 18th, 2011
11:08 am

Beautiful, everyone dates with a purpose (i.e. marriage, sex, companionship, etc). The problem comes when those purposes don’t match up and someone isn’t being honest about theirs.

Raqi V

January 18th, 2011
11:09 am

No such thing as dating just to be dating.