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Dating: Should you steer clear of dirty talk?

There is something supremely creepy about a guy who talks about sex all. the. time. Listen, I’m no prude, by any stretch of the imagination. I can handle conversations about anything, but a little variety doesn’t hurt anyone. Does a person really have to bring it up every other minute to have an engaging conversation?

Have you ever met someone who constantly talks about raunchy stuff? Why do you think they honed in on that topic all the time?

I actually think that is one of the topics that you can wait to cover/discuss. If you bring up sex on the first date/encounter, you are probably not going to be taken seriously.

What do you think? Should you really jump straight to the hot and steamy talk? Doesn’t it sort of take away the fun in the build up? What do you have left to look forward to?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Blog

Apologies for the unplanned blog break, I lost internet access and couldn’t find a safe path to my nearest coffee shop, but I’m back online now! I hope everyone has weathered the storm safely!

264 comments Add your comment

Varinia

January 13th, 2011
1:15 pm

Well, maybe I’m just weird, but I a slow build-up. And I want to know that I’m not wasting my time with someone that is on a different page sexually. And I don’t mean that we have to talk about every little thing that we like to do, but I want to know if he’s adventurous and is willing to try things or if he’s kind of in one mode. I personally don’t relate that well to guys that are super serious and think of sex as a performance. I think sex is fun and enjoyment and 2 people exploring each other. It’s a journey and not just about the destination. If you fall off the bed you laugh and go on to the kitchen cabinets, and not one person getting miffed because the position wasn’t perfect. Sex is playing with each other. And talking about sex is also playing with each other. If I have to avoid things, because they might turn him on, then that takes the fun away for me.

Beautiful

January 13th, 2011
1:16 pm

lol @ We’ll plan your blog baby shower for August!

Varinia

January 13th, 2011
1:16 pm

I meant ‘I like a slow build up’

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 13th, 2011
1:16 pm

@Cel

If I’m having a conversation with you, I want to get to know you. Even the limiting of a sexual conversation tells me something about you. For me, what you see is what you get at all times.

So the idea that there’s some special time, place, or situation that would warrant or restrict conversation is silly to me.

Leggs

January 13th, 2011
1:19 pm

@baba ~ if Howard Stern is on your radio and your date isn’t feeling it, I see no need for you to drop off at the curb. Come on, you’re sounding very shallow. Why can’t you just take her back home if you’re not feeling her. Why act like a caveman and shoo her out the car? And, the fact that you label them as “broads,” says a lot….carry on!

Leggs

January 13th, 2011
1:23 pm

Please replace “I see no need” with “why is there a need to drop her off at the curb?” (lol)

AmazonRed™ - Proud ΔΣΘ! Happy 98th!!!

January 13th, 2011
1:27 pm

Well, maybe I’m just weird,

Yeah…guess so…

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 13th, 2011
1:27 pm

@Var

You and me are right chere together.

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 13th, 2011
1:29 pm

And you’re not weird.

Celisea

January 13th, 2011
1:29 pm

Dan – It’s not so much as limiting the sexual conversation. “What you see is what you get” is how I roll. However, because I’m not giving it all to you in one gulp shouldn’t mean I’m faking or pretending or limiting myself. No matter how much you would tell me about yourself and in truth (or vice versa) there’s no way I’m going to know all of that (nor you…about me) until and unless I experience it over time and during interaction. So just because we don’t cover everything all in one night shouldn’t indicate I’m not on the up and up nor limiting.

Purple Rain

January 13th, 2011
1:30 pm

You have to do what works for you…or continue doing what has not been working for you.

blue®

January 13th, 2011
1:32 pm

Hola Peoples,

you guys still on topic?

Celisea

January 13th, 2011
1:33 pm

And really Dan, when there’s chemistry there’s so much ground you can cover before approaching sex. It’s like the conversation can effortlessly go on and on. I feel more boxed and tight if we covering a checklist rather than let the conversation open up and flow. So if I get the side eye from a dude cause we haven’t approached sex, I’m giving him the side eye for giving it to me. And trust I’m fully aware it’s on your mind but as I said with chemistry and a nice flow you’ll know how to spot an opening. Don’t force it or say something is wrong because it didn’t come up or happen. But I think the topic is talking about someone getting fresh…too much…day one.

Raqi V

January 13th, 2011
1:33 pm

LOL AmazonR. Monday was fine. Walking out in the snow, watching the few kids that live in the S/D out playing, watching movies and drinking out cocoa with the fireplace burning, eating some rather good soup that I managed to throw together with the ingredients they had at the house and staying tuned to the countless news/weather updates…all of that was good. But by Tuesday afternoon I was ready to come home.

There is nothing fun about having to borrow someone else’s underwear. LOL The hub and boy got lucky because my brother had a pack of boxers that the wife had gotten him for their honeymoon and he hadn’t opened them yet. I on the other hand was not so lucky.

One of the men in the neighborhood had a 4 wheel drive truck so the hub and baby bro hopped in with him and went to the closest store they could find open on Tuesday. It took them over 3 hours to go and come back but he did bring me back a pack Hanes.

My brother found a pizza place that was delivering pizza on Tuesday but we paid $40 apiece for a large pizza. Thankfully the pizza was good. Cold but good. LOL

We had a long drive home yesterday early afternoon. It was under 2 hours but twice the time it would have normally taken us.

When we got here our yard and driveway were untouched so it was impossible to pull into the driveway. The hub and boy had to break up the ice and make a path thru the grass so Lizzy and I could safely get to the front door.

I am glad to be home.

BlackMagicWoman

January 13th, 2011
1:33 pm

Afternoon all…. I have been out sick for 2 days and I get back to a mountain of work.

If a guy brings up sex on our first date…there will NOT be a second! To me that is all you after! You should get to know if I am crazy, have bodies in my basement, D&D free, my likes, my dislikes, etc. before asking my favorite position. Hence the reason for dudes having “crazy baby mamas”. Oh you don’t know thay beyotch was nuts. You probably were blinded by the T&A and could not see the neon sign flashing “Crazy B*tch”. It’s also the reason why some chicks are baby mama number 3 because they did not take the time to learn about this man’s history and his moral compass or lack thereof. I know its a new millenium. But there is nothing wrong with taking things slow. Sometimes it help to avoid a lot of drama and heartache in the longrun.

ARED…a “sip-n-see”…for who??? :lol:

Off topic: check this shhhhh out! My fellow Sags: ARED & LEGGS we have been bamboozled. We are not Sags anymore….we are some new sign: Ophiuchus! WTF is that? What is our birthstone? Oy Vey! Let’s see who else has lost their sign.

Capricorn: Jan. 20 – Feb. 16
Aquarius: Feb. 16 – March 11
Pisces: March 11- April 18
Aries: April 18- May 13
Taurus: May 13- June 21
Gemini: June 21- July 20
Cancer: July 20- Aug. 10
Leo: Aug. 10- Sept. 16
Virgo: Sept. 16- Oct. 30
Libra: Oct. 30- Nov. 23
Scorpio: Nov. 23- Nov. 29
Ophiuchus: Nov. 29- Dec. 17
Sagittarius: Dec. 17- Jan. 20

http://backseatcuddler.com/2011/01/13/whats-your-sign-your-zodiac-sign-probably-isnt-what-you-think-anymore/

DreamsMaterialize

January 13th, 2011
1:35 pm

Still not understanding the big deal about sex conversation. So, do guys have to avoid all potentially contentious topics like religion, politics, race? I guess you just have to keep it superficial on the first date huh? Can’t think of a more bland date.

Varinia

January 13th, 2011
1:35 pm

Amazon – I take that as a compliment ;-) . As they say ‘well behaved women rarely make history’

Dan – thank you

AmazonRed™ - Proud ΔΣΘ! Happy 98th!!!

January 13th, 2011
1:39 pm

Uh…you brought up being weird, not me. So again, what are you talking about. I just want a logical explaination to your thought process. Still waiting.

Don’t you just love going to a nice restaurant …. and they show you the selection of meats and you spot this nice juicy filet. So you order the filet, only for them to tell you they are out of filet, or you can’t have a filet?

And for some of you, don’t you just love going to the rib shack, all set for your favorite slab of ribs, you get to the counter, order the ribs, for them to tell you “we ain’t got no ribs.”

Talking about sex is not the same as talking about the weather. Emotions, expecations and even chemical reactions result as part of the conversation. Is it always fair? No. Is that life? Yes.

So talking about it with someone you don’t know, are aren’t prepared to go there with is not mature or responsible. It can be quite the opposite.

Don’t try to pass off like you’re more evolved because you’ve prefected the art of the tease.

AmazonRed™ - Proud ΔΣΘ! Happy 98th!!!

January 13th, 2011
1:40 pm

blue®

January 13th, 2011
1:40 pm

not sure where were at, havent read back, but dudes that are constantly twisting everything to talk about sex are the ones that quickly turn me off from holding anymore conversations…gotta be able to hold an intelligent conversation

Celisea

January 13th, 2011
1:40 pm

I’m so not wanting the soup and baked potato I brought for lunch….ugh

Raqi V

January 13th, 2011
1:41 pm

BlackMagic, I am not a zodiac follower but that info is quite interesting.

So now I am Pisces and no longer Aries.

So what happens to all of the older horoscopes that have been printed that matched the person so well? LOL Are they now null and void?

Leggs

January 13th, 2011
1:41 pm

@BMW ~ that cracked me up. Please find out what our birthstone is?

@Raqi ~ I was stranded at a co-workers house for 3 days with the blizzard of 83 (?). Never want to be stranded anywhere again but home. Glad you got home safely. But, dang, $40 for a large pizza.

Celisea

January 13th, 2011
1:43 pm

Hey blue – Exactly. You get it chica. And nope, nothing is wrong with you cause you see something wrong with a dude spinning the convo for sex. Yep, I think that that’s all on the brain if we go there. If we by right don’t do everything on our backs, let’s talk about some of the things we do while standing….that’s a conversation piece for you. I eat, drink, walk, work, live, breathe, clean, buy, sell…all while standing. Many many things to cover other than sex.

Leggs

January 13th, 2011
1:44 pm

@blue ~ that’s the word I couldn’t think of. Not so much talking about sex during a date, but “twisting” plain talk to have a sexual relevance is a big turn off…you know, much like how our resident olem can do.

Raqi V

January 13th, 2011
1:45 pm

I guess I need to at least attempt to make a comment on the topic since I am posting here.

Sex talk on the first? I don’t think that’s cool at all. Just one of the many ways some men talk themselves out of getting the sex down the line by being too offensive at the first meeting.

There is a much better way to compliment a woman on her legs besides asking her what time do they open.

AmazonRed™ - Proud ΔΣΘ! Happy 98th!!!

January 13th, 2011
1:45 pm

Raqi – The question is…why weren’t y’all better prepared? No undies, cold pizza? This storm was forcasted three days before it hit?

czBrat

January 13th, 2011
1:46 pm

he!! no i absolutely will NOT become a libra!! and what’s up with signs now starting/ending on the same date? does this mean you have to know what time of day the sign switches over? shenanigans!! lol

AmazonRed™ - Proud ΔΣΘ! Happy 98th!!!

January 13th, 2011
1:47 pm

There is a much better way to compliment a woman on her legs besides asking her what time do they open.

:lol:

I bet some guy is stealing this line right now. :lol:

Raqi V

January 13th, 2011
1:48 pm

Yeah Leggs, $40. My brother said a large from that place usually goes for $15 but that guy was making it worth his while being the only place delivering in those conditions of Tuesday. Had that pizza not been good we would have been really upset. We bought three.

Varinia

January 13th, 2011
1:49 pm

Amazon – why is getting turned such a bad thing? Do you always have to have everything right on the spot? You watch tv and see a commercial for pizza and you immediately order a pizza? When you were little, did you never enjoy the anticipation of Christmas morning? Sometimes waiting makes the rend result more fun.

And it looks like I barged into a conversation of a group of friends – sorry – I just moved back to Atlanta and ended up on this page. So, I’ll bow out now…..

Purple Rain

January 13th, 2011
1:50 pm

Yall are giving me a good laugh today.

blue®

January 13th, 2011
1:53 pm

@Celisea – yes indeed many things to cover besides sex….i like for it not to be so obvious that he has a one track mind
@Leggs – you know, i was thinking the same thing regarding that resident being a prime example! after awhile talking to them just becomes exhausting

Celisea

January 13th, 2011
1:55 pm

blue – :)

Yaaah, I’m still a SAG!

AmazonRed™ - Proud ΔΣΘ! Happy 98th!!!

January 13th, 2011
1:55 pm

Varinia – Who said it was a bad thing? We’re having a discussion here, and if you aren’t able to handle discussion, good tidings to you.

Seriously, in these discussions, we’re able to further dissect the thought process of people who handle situations differently than we would. I can’t ever speak to “the slow build up” on first date, because I find it irresponsible. For someone like you who can…you can give me more insight.

But no, this blog is not for the sensitive.

Purple Rain

January 13th, 2011
1:56 pm

Varinia, don’t bow out. I like what you are saying

Raqi V

January 13th, 2011
1:57 pm

AmazonR, because we live in Georgia. Snow has been forecasted here so many times over the years and we barely got a dusting of flakes. Like Christmas. LOL

We had dinner with them Sunday night and were sitting around talking and whatnot. When we were getting ready to leave my son went outside and came to tell us it had snowed a lot. This was a little past 9:30. They vertical blinds at the patio door in the den and because it’s cold the blinds were closed.

We just didn’t think it was going to get this bad. You best believe if there is ever snow in the forecast again imma make sure I am at home before the first flake hits the ground. LOL

AmazonRed™ - Proud ΔΣΘ! Happy 98th!!!

January 13th, 2011
1:57 pm

Sometimes waiting makes the rend result more fun.

Yes..that’s the point. So why not wait for the convo too? Again, we’re talking about sex, not tinker toys.

Purple Rain

January 13th, 2011
1:58 pm

Why can’t we talk about sex AND tinker toys?

Purple Rain

January 13th, 2011
2:01 pm

And for what it’s worth there have been some raunchy even by my standards sex convos on this blog from the ladies. LOL

AmazonRed™ - Proud ΔΣΘ! Happy 98th!!!

January 13th, 2011
2:02 pm

Why can’t we talk about sex AND tinker toys?

:lol:

IMO, it’s just a dangerous road to tread. There are a lot folks catching cases and being assulted because of the mixed messages people send out. A lot of women think it’s cute to tease, and a lot of men get such messages wrong. I think it’s more responsible to handle topics like these with someone you actually KNOW. And if you know you don’t know someone well enough to give em sex on the first date…why are you talking about it?

AmazonRed™ - Proud ΔΣΘ! Happy 98th!!!

January 13th, 2011
2:03 pm

And for what it’s worth there have been some raunchy even by my standards sex convos on this blog from the ladies. LOL

Heck, we probably know you better than anyone we met last night at the club. :lol:

And also, it’s not dangling in your face on here. At least not until this blog adds a Skype component. :lol:

Purple Rain

January 13th, 2011
2:03 pm

If we go on a date we are having sex….I hope its consensual…..j/k

AmazonRed™ - Proud ΔΣΘ! Happy 98th!!!

January 13th, 2011
2:05 pm

If we go on a date we are having sex….I hope its consensual…..j/k

^ Caught a case. :lol:

Purple Rain

January 13th, 2011
2:05 pm

ZIP! Amazon do you see my virtual wang? LOL

And since you probably know me better than someone you met lastnight in the club, that means we are comfortable with each other hint hint. LOL

blue®

January 13th, 2011
2:05 pm

@PR – sex and tinker toys, lmao

Purple Rain

January 13th, 2011
2:06 pm

Gasoline and Matches, no DNA or body no case. LOL

AmazonRed™ - Proud ΔΣΘ! Happy 98th!!!

January 13th, 2011
2:08 pm

And since you probably know me better than someone you met lastnight in the club, that means we are comfortable with each other hint hint. LOL

*zips PR’s zipper on his wang*

smooches! LOL

Purple Rain

January 13th, 2011
2:08 pm

I will also say this Atlanta has some aggressive women I encountered living there, from the C level executive to the nightclub bar hopper. Guys definitely have to learn how to say “no”. LOL

Purple Rain

January 13th, 2011
2:10 pm

Amazon, I am just happy you touched my zipper. Now we are working towards something, next week I will just be wearing something with an elastic waist and no zipper…then you can put it up again. LOL