accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Dating: Should you steer clear of dirty talk?

There is something supremely creepy about a guy who talks about sex all. the. time. Listen, I’m no prude, by any stretch of the imagination. I can handle conversations about anything, but a little variety doesn’t hurt anyone. Does a person really have to bring it up every other minute to have an engaging conversation?

Have you ever met someone who constantly talks about raunchy stuff? Why do you think they honed in on that topic all the time?

I actually think that is one of the topics that you can wait to cover/discuss. If you bring up sex on the first date/encounter, you are probably not going to be taken seriously.

What do you think? Should you really jump straight to the hot and steamy talk? Doesn’t it sort of take away the fun in the build up? What do you have left to look forward to?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Blog

Apologies for the unplanned blog break, I lost internet access and couldn’t find a safe path to my nearest coffee shop, but I’m back online now! I hope everyone has weathered the storm safely!

264 comments Add your comment

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 13th, 2011
12:03 pm

the downside to having a girl outtastate….

Varinia

January 13th, 2011
12:05 pm

Leggs, I just tell him from the beginning that I have no problem talking about it, but that I need some time to get to know him before I actually sleep with him. I don’t understand why it has to be so black or white, as the comments here show. It seems to be seen as : if she talks about it she’s ready to give it up – if he talks about it he’s a pig.

czBrat

January 13th, 2011
12:07 pm

I’d say they aren’t the majority.
i’m on the older end of the dating spectrum, so thankfully the outright lewd are by no means a majority. but this brings to mind something SC has mentioned before. for the younger daters, do the ladies understand they should be treated like a lady? do the gents realize they ought to take the time to get to know more about her than her sexpertise?

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 13th, 2011
12:08 pm

“Knowing that someone’s comfortable enough with their sexuality to openly talk, but respects me enough to accept that we won’t finish the date in bed, is extremely attractive to me.”

^^Love this

And I’m from SW Atlanta

People take themselves far too seriously.

Varinia

January 13th, 2011
12:08 pm

Talking about sex on the first date is not the same as having sex on the first date.

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 13th, 2011
12:11 pm

@Brat

So, you can’t talk politics if you’re of a different ideology?

Can you discuss finance if she’s a saver and he’s a spender?

Sex is a subject matter, like any other IMO, why not broach it?

Leggs

January 13th, 2011
12:12 pm

I think we’ve veered away from the original meaning of the topic (not that this is unusual). It’s the lewdness and insensitivity that many come with.

@Varina ~ I agree with your 12:08.

SexyCool

January 13th, 2011
12:12 pm

Talking about sex and being raunchy can be two totally different approaches.

Celisea

January 13th, 2011
12:14 pm

There is something supremely creepy about a guy who talks about sex all. the. time.

Ummmm, yeah! I think most dudes have sex on the brains most times….when concious. However I think most men by now should know or have learned there’s more to a “lady” and getting/having/pursuing a relationship aside from sex. I think all knows at some point sex will factor in, that in and of itself should be indicative that we ain’t gotta talk about it all the time. If we ain’t talking so much about it you might be closer to getting it. For a dude to attempt off the rip to talk sex shows a lack of respect and that he’ll push the envelope in getting away with as much as he can as quickly as he can. I mean don’t get me wrong, I’m certain there are those that will test the waters. I just think a dude that’s in it to really relate is classy enough to allow the natural progression of what’s probably a constant thought.

AmazonRed™ - Proud ΔΣΘ! Happy 98th!!!

January 13th, 2011
12:15 pm

Or…ARed…there could be a *Sip-n-See* in December. (lol)

*hollers!!!!!* The royal family!

SexyCool

January 13th, 2011
12:16 pm

“I enjoy experimenting with different sexual positions when I am with my partner.”

“I love smacking it up, flipping it, rubbing it down. Oh no!!!! Doggy style is my sht.”

Two totally different approaches.

Celisea

January 13th, 2011
12:16 pm

I’m talking raunchy….IMO that’s reserved for “my man” and when he’s all the way in like that, we might share a moment of nasty talk…it’s sort of what we do…sometime intimacy and sometime straight to it but ummm, you don’t get a pass in going there when I just met you.

DreamsMaterialize

January 13th, 2011
12:16 pm

which leads the man to assume that every woman he meets is as desperate as the last woman he was with.
Angel so a woman who talks about sex on the first date is desparate? How so?

Grown and mature people can talk about sex and any other topic that arises.

Celisea

January 13th, 2011
12:17 pm

Alright…back to the grind…I ain’t been here I have emails flowing over.

Blackfoote

January 13th, 2011
12:17 pm

I’ve had women tell me up front hey don’t talk dirty to me. So I know from the begining this is a lady who wants to be respected and she will be and admired by me for saying so. I think the way Sexy put is let the woman be receptive to whether she favor that approach or humor. One thing it’s for all to enjoy another is there’s more to life than creating life.

Leggs

January 13th, 2011
12:18 pm

@SexyC ~ that’s exactly what I’m talking about….the raunchiness.

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 13th, 2011
12:18 pm

@Leggs

We haven’t.

If we’re on a first date conversing and during the time we’re talking the topic of sex comes up wholistically; then for me the measure of the woman is whether we can have an adult conversation about sex, in general and in particular.

If you assume that just because the convo goes in that direction that that’s *all* I’m out for, or you clam up, that says more about your presumption than mine.

AmazonRed™ - Proud ΔΣΘ! Happy 98th!!!

January 13th, 2011
12:19 pm

Sexual compatibility is important in a relationship. If the sex is good it’s 10%, but if the sex is bad it’s 90%.

Varinia – Talk is cheap when it comes to sexual compatibility…you’re gonna have to test the merchandise anyway. So there really isn’t a point to talking about it so early.

czBrat

January 13th, 2011
12:26 pm

well i see a few get the difference between sex as a subject matter (whether you’ve known each other a day or a year) and a constant need to drag a convo into the bedroom/boardroom/bathroom/backseat.

Purple Rain

January 13th, 2011
12:26 pm

If you are holding back you are not being your true self. LOL

Varinia

January 13th, 2011
12:26 pm

Amazon – to each their own. If someone came at me with that attitude then we’d both know that we don’t connect and can move on, instead of wasting more time dating.

DreamsMaterialize

January 13th, 2011
12:27 pm

What’s the big deal about sex conversation? My conversations on a first date tend to cover a wide range of topics…religion, politics, current events, sex, dating, whatever. I don’t see why sex has to be in some special taboo category.

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 13th, 2011
12:28 pm

@Blackfoote

She’s still a lady if she can discuss sex in a mature manner.

@All

Being respected as a “lady” should be less about how you talk than what you say. The content of a “lady’s” speech is just as important as the tone in which it is delivered.

Are you more of a lady because you don’t talk about sex or any other serious matter?

Is she more of a lady because she can give me a dissertation on ‘the Game’ premier, as opposed to the President’s speech?

Half the problem is label things without defining them upfront. A woman “lady” is the sum of her parts – the physical and the mental. And if I see that she has the mental enough to hang in a convo about sex, that speaks more to her mental than the physical to me.

Purple Rain

January 13th, 2011
12:29 pm

Dreams, yep. Dating someone only to find out that they speak to bluntly about sex down the road is a waste of time.

Purple Rain

January 13th, 2011
12:29 pm

I’ve seen mean and women joke about sex sometimes overboard. Then when they are around someone they like the just act like its taboo.

AmazonRed™ - Proud ΔΣΘ! Happy 98th!!!

January 13th, 2011
12:32 pm

If someone came at me with that attitude

Virinia – Came at you with what attitude?

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 13th, 2011
12:36 pm

Another thing

If we can’t talk sex outside the bedroom while lucid and calm, what happens when I go to do something that I think you might like and you don’t and vice versa?

*Not to say that you have to give a rundown of do’s and don’ts but still…*

AmazonRed™ - Proud ΔΣΘ! Happy 98th!!!

January 13th, 2011
12:40 pm

Uh…let’s not get it twisted. The “lets talk about sex talk” is important and necessary. But needs to be done when you actually have a chance of getting some, and not because you just exchanged phone numbers.

Varinia

January 13th, 2011
12:41 pm

Amazon – the attitude that to talk about sex before hand is not important, because the proof only lies in the pudding, so let’s just hang out until we’re ready to do it.

To me it shows alot about the maturity of a man that can talk about sex before. I know that I wouldn’t be compatible with someone that’s really conservative and only likes missionary. I’d rather know about that right up front. And if they refuse to talk about it that tells me that they have hangups.

And talk doesn’t have to be dry or clinical. I believe if the boundaries are set by letting him know that I’m not going to sleep with him on the first date, then talking about what we like and don’t like can be a huge turn on. And if we click on other topics as well, then every date will potentially just be more fun. Whereas if each person is scared of bringing up the topic, (she, because she’s afraid that he’ll lose respect for her. He, because he’s afraid of being labeled a pig) then it takes something away from the intimacy that otherwise developes if each is really open with the other.
Just my opinion

Blackfoote

January 13th, 2011
12:42 pm

Dan:

In my eyes yes she would still be a lady if she discussed it even though it’s on my mind all the time but the key would be and we are talking first dates is allow her the flow cause I can talk about anything she wants sex included. But I’m just old school if she takes it there then I’ll go there.

Celisea

January 13th, 2011
12:44 pm

Frankly, I don’t want to sip my first cup of coffee during my first meeting with you and you’re wanting to know if if I want my hair pulled and if I like to cum while hanging off a cliff… That ain’t your business….yet Just saying. There’s a time and place and it ain’t all the time in all places. And certainly not when initially getting introduced or acquainted.

AmazonRed™ - Proud ΔΣΘ! Happy 98th!!!

January 13th, 2011
12:44 pm

the attitude that to talk about sex before hand is not important, because the proof only lies in the pudding, so let’s just hang out until we’re ready to do it.

Well, that’s not the attitude I was referring to in my response, but ok.

But it’s true…you can bring up sex early…even though actually having it is way down the road, or not at all. But doesn’t mean the words will match the actions.

SexyCool

January 13th, 2011
12:45 pm

And again, I say, it’s not about talking about it or not talking about it. It’s in the way you approach me with it and how you determine what approach works with me.

My advice is to err on the side of caution in this instance and assume that I would prefer a more *genteel* approach to this particular subject.

Purple Rain

January 13th, 2011
12:45 pm

So guys, if a woman was brash sexually on the initial meetings would you see that as a deal breaker? If she were just talking I would not be, but if she was reliving her loose days and talking about specific acts with specific guys I would be.

AmazonRed™ - Proud ΔΣΘ! Happy 98th!!!

January 13th, 2011
12:46 pm

I believe if the boundaries are set by letting him know that I’m not going to sleep with him on the first date, then talking about what we like and don’t like can be a huge turn on.

Sounds like mixed messages to me. Especially talking about “turn ons” and then expecting folks NOT to be “turned on.” :?

Raqi V

January 13th, 2011
12:49 pm

Good morning Snowflakes.

Being snowed or rather iced in for 2 days at someone else’s house is so not fun. I love my baby brother and his wife to death but there is no place like home. LOL

SlimNumeroUno

January 13th, 2011
12:50 pm

‘We’ll plan your blog baby shower for August!’

Ared – Don’t put that sort of ‘blessing’ out in the Universe. I’m Not da mama!!

czBrat

January 13th, 2011
12:50 pm

um. yeah, Ared. that one ^ had me a little cross-eyed too.

Blackfoote

January 13th, 2011
12:53 pm

Ared:

12:46
Control it honey you’re opening up the funny pages……LOL

Baba

January 13th, 2011
12:54 pm

Nope, I encourage dirty talk. Actually, when I pick up my date I make sure that Sirius Howard100 is on the radio. I play Howard Stern the whole night. If she can’t handle it then I drop her off on the side of the road. Most of the broads like it so it’s usually not a problem.

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 13th, 2011
12:54 pm

@Cel

It’s not the first cup (see: sexually aggressive), what I’m talking about is the 3rd or 4th after we’ve been setting a while and enjoying one anothers company.

If the topic comes up (no pun intended) and we can continue talking about it, then that’s something pleases me about you.

Varinia

January 13th, 2011
12:58 pm

Amazon – I never said that I don’t expect the guy to not be turned on. I think for 2 people that really want to date each other we both need to be turned by each other. Isn’t that what we’re hoping when we meet someone to date? That we meet someone that we can be really into?

I love sex, but I need to have developed a certain intimacy with the guy to sleep with him. And to me that’s by both being open and honest. I need to have a certain trust, and that doesn’t come with the first date. But I’d love to go home and have all kinds of fantasies about what we could do, if we connect in other areas as well. And I would like him to feel the same. Why pretend that sex is not on our minds?

AmazonRed™ - Proud ΔΣΘ! Happy 98th!!!

January 13th, 2011
1:00 pm

Being snowed or rather iced in for 2 days at someone else’s house is so not fun.

Bless you! I agree. My friend was like “dang, I should have had y’all come over to my place so we could all be together.” I told her love you but HELL NO. It’s been great being in my own space – my TV, bed, DVR, food…etc. We would have been trapped for days in her place, smelling her daughters dirty diapers that are piling up! (dumpter is at the entrance to her complex)

SexyCool

January 13th, 2011
1:02 pm

Purp – if a woman is being sexually brash in her conversation, telling you what she likes and how she likes it, isn’t it a given that she is talking about specific acts with specific people even if she’s not naming those people? She did have to do those things with someone at some point in the past, right?

Blackfoote

January 13th, 2011
1:02 pm

Purp:

You know what Purp to me those type of women don’t last long with me. I’d give her about 3 or 4 trys and she’s done and it’s on to next the one. But I do understand a man have to go through so many women like that to find that one.

AmazonRed™ - Proud ΔΣΘ! Happy 98th!!!

January 13th, 2011
1:04 pm

Why pretend that sex is not on our minds?

Why put it in your minds, bring it to the forefront, and then tell him to wait?

Celisea

January 13th, 2011
1:04 pm

Dan – I guess I should maybe understand are we “targeting” the topic of sex….over our 3rd or 4th cup of coffee? At some point, IMO it would only be natural to talk about it but it would seem to me to talk about it when we’ve arrived at that point. Hey I guess to though some folks arrive on day one. Seems to me it all depends on you and your (being her or you) flavor and appetite. For me, Imma give the side eye to a dude tryna talk sex when it’s not (IMO) the appropriate time. I guess when I’m feeling some kind of way about you and vice versa then it would naturally come up (no pun intended). I guess I’m a bit old school and I can’t feel some kind of way on day one. I mean I might dig you and want to pursue further but not feeling it enough to talk sex…that’s just me though

Celisea

January 13th, 2011
1:06 pm

I mean I’m sure we all agree that there’s some sort of spark, interest or chemistry that we’ve even talking. Wouldn’t it suffice it to say let’s allow that to bloom and come out? Why we gotta lay it on the table day one? Just asking…but not really asking.

Celisea

January 13th, 2011
1:06 pm

we’re not we’ve….

Purple Rain

January 13th, 2011
1:10 pm

Anything sexual has been done with another person. I am you arent the first person he made climb the walls, and you are not the first person whose toes she made curl up. LOL