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Dating: Should you steer clear of dirty talk?

There is something supremely creepy about a guy who talks about sex all. the. time. Listen, I’m no prude, by any stretch of the imagination. I can handle conversations about anything, but a little variety doesn’t hurt anyone. Does a person really have to bring it up every other minute to have an engaging conversation?

Have you ever met someone who constantly talks about raunchy stuff? Why do you think they honed in on that topic all the time?

I actually think that is one of the topics that you can wait to cover/discuss. If you bring up sex on the first date/encounter, you are probably not going to be taken seriously.

What do you think? Should you really jump straight to the hot and steamy talk? Doesn’t it sort of take away the fun in the build up? What do you have left to look forward to?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Blog

Apologies for the unplanned blog break, I lost internet access and couldn’t find a safe path to my nearest coffee shop, but I’m back online now! I hope everyone has weathered the storm safely!

264 comments Add your comment

nicole

January 13th, 2011
7:40 am

Have an STD? you are not alone.Find others with same STD at site named STDRomance. you may be upset and think your sex life is over. However, once you settle down and learn the facts, you’ll realize that having STD is not the end of the world, and it’s not the end of your social life.

Breezy

January 13th, 2011
8:14 am

This is a GREAT subject – I’m new in the dating game and it’s like every man I come in contact wants to immediately start SEXTING once they get my cell #. So I keep asking myself, is this just how it is in today’s dating community?

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 13th, 2011
8:21 am

Meh.

If you’re a sexually active person, you should express that; on a first date – if the mood is right why not?

I think what WD is referring to (and correct me if I’m wrong) is a sexually aggressive person. From that perspective, if you’re sexual interests, experience level, and drive aren’t compatible then it ain’t gone work anyway.

Leggs

January 13th, 2011
8:41 am

Good morning to all thawed out snow bunnies.

@Dan, even if you’re a sexually active person, I don’t think you should be making sexual innuendos, or even outright talking about your favorite positions, how many partners, etc on the first encounter. It comes across as sleezy. What’s wrong with getting to know a person and talking about other things other than sex on the first date?

Leggs

January 13th, 2011
8:44 am

And, Dan, as time goes by you’ll get a chance to determine the level of your sexual compatibility with the person you’re interested in. If you find you’re sexual compatible on the first date, but have nothing else in common, like carry on a conversation that’s not geared toward sex, what do you do then. Get a hotel room, do your do, get dressed and finish talking about sex? In that case, just go to Craigslist and find a call girl!

czBrat

January 13th, 2011
8:45 am

Hola Dan!

well, i’ve been called a prude more than once, so i accept that i’m reserved when it comes to private talk with the general public. sexually aggressive discussions (as Dan put it), where happening all over the dating sites i frequented a couple years back. today’s topic makes me wonder if those same folks are so eager to show that side of themselves in person.

if you “jump straight to the hot and steamy talk” i’ll either shut you down or let you work yourself into a frenzy just for the fun of it (depending on my mood); but you’ve already lost any chance to actually take me there.

welcome back Diva!

Beautiful

January 13th, 2011
8:46 am

gmorn bloggers!

czBrat

January 13th, 2011
8:58 am

even if you’re a sexually active person, I don’t think you should be making sexual innuendos, or even outright talking about your favorite positions, how many partners, etc on the first encounter.
agreed. and that’s why i get called a prude. smh

made it to kroger yesterday only to have my brownie dreams dashed because they were out of milk and eggs. :cry:

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 13th, 2011
8:59 am

@Leggs

Why it gotta be about Craigslist? #fail

In my post, I stated “if the mood is right” – i.e. if both parties are into it. That you don’t talk like that on a first date is on you, but (obviously) everyone isn’t you. There are women that *bring up* sex on a first date, if nothing else than to get it out of the way.

SlimNumeroUno

January 13th, 2011
9:03 am

Good morning,

I’m finally back to work after a 3-day Snowed-In hiatus….and still didn’t want to get up this morning. (Blaming it on the G-g-g-goooose

Leggs

January 13th, 2011
9:08 am

@Dan ~ I know you stated “if the mood is right”. Damn, where is the mood right on a first date. Unless you hooked up with a call call, the mood is right. But for us average joe blows, not many go on first dates setting the mood for sexual exploits to be put on table. I know, to each their own, just trying to wrap my head around “if the mood is right.”

Ok, perhaps I too am a prude, because to talk about sex, complimenting the body, licking your lips and undressing me with your eyes is not helping me warm up to you or even me wanting to get my body next to yours.

I made it out yesterday only to run into a patch of ice that scared the heeby jeebees out of me. I coasted through it, collected my nerves, made it to the store. I was so happy to get back and put car in the garage. Only to come back and find Blogsville closed!

Leggs

January 13th, 2011
9:16 am

@Dan, reference to Craigslist was just a small joke.

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 13th, 2011
9:18 am

@Leggs

I caught that

SlimNumeroUno

January 13th, 2011
9:19 am

Too much raunchy bedroom talk early on is a Turn Off. I don’t want to sit there feeling like he’s a giant Coo chie vulture flying circles around me waiting for me to roll over and let him have some.

Leggs

January 13th, 2011
9:35 am

@SlimNU ~ basically, that’s exactly what’s going on! It’s an art for a man to not have you think along those lines (LOL).

Frugal Chef

January 13th, 2011
9:42 am

Blackfoote

January 13th, 2011
9:48 am

Hello:

When I was growing up it was taboo to bring up sex conversations around women out of respect as guys we talked about it frequently. Times have changed but it doesn’t mean that you lose respect because of it. If I’m sitting here thinking about having sex with you and we’re talking about what you did during the snow storm I’d give you that option on whether we start talking sex. Men we’ll talk about sex anytime and I believe for women they will to among themselves but it is a turn off for them if it’s not warranted.

SlimNumeroUno

January 13th, 2011
9:49 am

‘It’s an art for a man to not have you think along those lines ‘

Leggs – Exactly, because we all know that eventually sex is something that they want. When you first meet, you’re going off of the physical anyway…unless it’s someone you’ve sort of already known for a while and you guys are just now considering dating or whatever.

SlimNumeroUno

January 13th, 2011
9:56 am

Blackfoote – I just see it as a bit co coky and presumptuous to assume that I have even considered whether or not I wanna give you some goodie goodie. As I’ve gotten older, I have learned that there are more factors, as far as I’m concerned, that aid in whether or not I want to be intimate with someone. I goes far beyond just their physical attributes. If there isn’t any other substance to them outside of what kind of pipe they can lay, then there isn’t much of a desire on my part to want to be physical. Four play begins in my mind.

czBrat

January 13th, 2011
10:07 am

slim, you’ve seen it posted here many times that women supposedly know the moment they meet a guy whether or not they want to sleep with him. the blog gents have said the key is simply to stay out of their own way and NOT muck it up.

but i’m with you; my thoughts lean toward NOT giving it up no matter how impressive he may be. if we’re vibin on date one, then hopefully we’ll vibe even more as dates progress. if not, the sex wasn’t gonna happen anyway.

leggs, the trip wasn’t a total loss; i did restock the wine rack :)

Blackfoote

January 13th, 2011
10:08 am

Leggs:

Absolutely it is an art. One reason men talk about it first is in our mind it’s 50/50 either you will or you wont have sex with us. I have come across some women who do talk in that way but as you stated they are call girls which is business for them.

Slim:

You make a good point because it’s all about your maturity level you’re at. I would be very cautious and on the other hand flattered if a woman made speak easy or sexual advances toward me. I know my level of maturity would prevail while most men would like the ego stroke I’d want to get to know you at the least.

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 13th, 2011
10:19 am

It’s one thing to “want sex” and another to want it from you (the nebulous you).

I’mma a guy, I like sex, I want sex, but where a lot of ladies get throwed is thinking that all guys want sex from them personally. I can have a conversation about sex and not intimate directly or indirectly that I want sex from [you].

I’ve had dates where our personal sexual habits, mores, and restrictions with no mention/use of the word “us”.

I’m merely stating that the conversation is possible without being sexually aggressive to the person.

Shoot, it’s preferable for me; cause if missionary is all you “do”, then I need to be (subtly) gesturing to the chick at the other table at the end of the night.

Blackfoote

January 13th, 2011
10:23 am

Hope everyone enjoyed their unplanned vacation. If this winter hold up like it has we may be in store for more time off. Problem I had I didn’t get any time off shoot I was working 12 and 18 hour shifts cause my (co-workers employees) couldn’t get to work.

SlimNumeroUno

January 13th, 2011
10:41 am

‘I can have a conversation about sex and not intimate directly or indirectly that I want sex from [you].’

That is true but the topic is on more of the lines of a person you’re dating ALWAYS choosing sex as the topic. It’s kind of nice to have a dude know my last name, number of siblings, where i’m from before he knows the In’s and Out’s of my bedroom resume, qualifications and specialties. lol

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 13th, 2011
10:51 am

And I thought it was first date.

Though, if his habit of bringing every conversation to sex is a problem, why would you have more than one or two convo’s?

SlimNumeroUno

January 13th, 2011
11:08 am

Dan – Good point….touche, touche ;-)

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 13th, 2011
11:21 am

@Slim – Touch, touch? Let’s let the ice thaw and we’ll see.

SexyCool

January 13th, 2011
11:27 am

Greetings, people.

I have thoroughly enjoyed Snowcation 2011. We were running low on bread yesterday. So, we walked the two blocks up the street to Kroger. On the way back, we were making snowballs with the snow still packed on top of my truck. I was winning until I tried a sneak attack around the back of the vehicle and fell and busted my ass (and elbow).

When we won’t take time to slow down on our own, nature forces us to do so. I do believe it is a way of maintaining balance.

SlimNumeroUno

January 13th, 2011
11:28 am

Aight den lol

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 13th, 2011
11:31 am

@SC

Agreed.

I didn’t know how tired I was til I started taking naps. And the D don’t nap.

SexyCool

January 13th, 2011
11:35 am

As to the raunchy talk, a person whose filters don’t work properly in that area should clue you in that they probably have issues in other areas as well.

Especially when it’s upfront and you are still getting to know me. You should have at least *assume* that I am a lady and not approach me in that way until you learn me well enough to know whether or not I am receptive to that sort of humor or that kind of approach.

Purple Rain

January 13th, 2011
11:38 am

It takes two people to have a conversation, if if someone keeps talking about it from the initial you have invited or condoned it because it keeps happening. Maybe try not to look like a hooker on the first date or while you are out. LOL

Besides, if people are mature enough any conversations can be had at any time and often. LOL

SlimNumeroUno

January 13th, 2011
11:38 am

SexyCool – Even though I had a mild case of Cabin Fever, I must say I enjoyed being snowed in….with a friend ;-) We actually threw some burgers and hotdogs on the grill yesterday. MMmmm good

AmazonRed™ - Proud ΔΣΘ! Happy 98th!!!

January 13th, 2011
11:41 am

Morning all -

Yup, talking about sex too early will get you dismissed. No one is new to the game.

You can get the physical done with most anyone, so focusing on what lies past that is what you should be seeking. Control yourself.

Leggs

January 13th, 2011
11:41 am

Breakfast was delicious.

Hello Blackfoote! She you’re still working very hard. Good for you! I’m working from home. Had to do 2 spreadsheets. Excel and I are not very good friends, but I’m winning the battle (for now).

@Dan, I agree. If all his convo consists of sex and asking if I got the next c o c k picture he sent, no need to converse any longer. Nip it at the bud and keep stepping….

AmazonRed™ - Proud ΔΣΘ! Happy 98th!!!

January 13th, 2011
11:42 am

Yeah, I did leave the house today. A friend of mine came over and helped clear my iced over driveway. So grateful for that. The roads aren’t that bad once you get out of the neighborhood and onto bigger streets.

AmazonRed™ - Proud ΔΣΘ! Happy 98th!!!

January 13th, 2011
11:46 am

I must say I enjoyed being snowed in….with a friend

:lol: We’ll plan your blog baby shower for August! :lol:

SexyCool

January 13th, 2011
11:46 am

I decided that I was not going out again today because I don’t want to risk crashing or having someone crash into my truck.

Because please believe that an insurance company is only going to pay me for their estimated value of my 11 year old vehicle, not what it’s worth to me. In my case, the value of the loss of use, plus the fact that I don’t have a monthly car payment are priceless.

Purple Rain

January 13th, 2011
11:47 am

You all still snowed in?

Leggs

January 13th, 2011
11:50 am

@SexyC ~ your 11:35 is on point.

czBrat

January 13th, 2011
11:53 am

iced in, reign.

leggs, “unsung” troutman brothers … one word; yikes!

Varinia

January 13th, 2011
11:54 am

Can’t keep myself from chiming in here , I’m a woman and I’m with Dan.. And I’m not a prostitute. Granted, I’m German, so we grow up with a different attitude about sex. I’m all in favor of talking about sex on the first date. That does not mean that I’m going to have sex on the first or 2nd date. But, frankly, if you’re both not on the same page sexually, why waste each other’s time? Sexual compatibility is important in a relationship. If the sex is good it’s 10%, but if the sex is bad it’s 90%.
In fact, I find it quite a turn on to talk about sex, when I know that we won’t jump into bed right away. Knowing that someone’s comfortable enough with their sexuality to openly talk, but respects me enough to accept that we won’t finish the date in bed, is extremely attractive to me.

Angel

January 13th, 2011
11:54 am

I believe if a man talks about sex with you on the first date let that be your last date with him. So many women give up the goodies for absolutely nothing which leads the man to assume that every woman he meets is as desperate as the last woman he was with. Women are even giving men money. I am sorry I am an eighties baby a time when men never asked for money

SexyCool

January 13th, 2011
11:55 am

Or…ARed…there could be a *Sip-n-See* in December. (lol)

DreamsMaterialize

January 13th, 2011
11:56 am

Why do you think they honed in on that topic all the time?
Lots of guys take verbal and bodily cues from the woman when it comes to this. Dudes aren’t usually just jumping out there with the sex convo without anything to go on. Lots of women need to check what they’re putting out there. Sure, some dudes are just gonna go there every time cues or no cues, but I’d say they aren’t the majority.

Leggs

January 13th, 2011
11:58 am

@Varina ~ I definitely understand where you’re coming from, but tables can turn ever so quickly. To have the majority of the conversation centered around sexual discussions, but expect respect at the end that you won’t finish the date in bed, may lead to him calling you out your name. Men don’t take to kindly to all the talk, hype only to find out the person is a dud. Not saying you are, but I can see problems arising.

Purple Rain

January 13th, 2011
11:58 am

Varinia, American’s are oversexed thats why it’s such a huge turnoff to talk about it. You can look at the tv programming as an example. In other countries nudity on television is no big thing but here in America it is. I just think it’s just a maturity thing.

Angel, women want sex just as much as men and some of the want it on the first meeting…does that make her an easy lay…no it just means they are mature enough to deal with the consequnces

Kym

January 13th, 2011
12:00 pm

Good Morning All,

Well I am out among the working..but we are on a short schedule. Sex talk on date one..uhhh not so much..I mean there is a time and a place for everything..and normally the time and the place are not date one..I mean it can happen..two people click and wind up rocking and rolling on date one..but I would think the sex talk wouldn’t start until after the two folks are comfortable and both have an idea that having sex is where this whole thing is going.

Leggs

January 13th, 2011
12:01 pm

:lol: :lol: @ sip and see! Cute.

Purple Rain

January 13th, 2011
12:02 pm

Dreams, I agree with you. It is not just random in your face conversations out of nowhere.