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What makes someone marriage material?

I think it’s really interesting that the happy couples I know admit that they did not foresee marriage when they first met. I even remember one couple saying they downright disliked each other upon introduction!

If you can go from utter dislike to tumbling head over heels, I’d say that’s proof positive that we don’t always know what we are looking for in a future partner. Even if we claim to know what makes someone marriage material, would we be able to tell if someone had it or not?

I used to think that anyone who desires to be married is marriage material! Do you think it’s that simple, though?

How do you know if you are marriage material? How do your ideas about love, marriage and what you expect from them play a role in all of this?

428 comments Add your comment

SlimNumeroUno

January 6th, 2011
8:36 am

Morning….THERE IS NO LIFE BEFORE COFFEE ;-)

Tracey

January 6th, 2011
8:42 am

Wouldn’t you have to married to qualify an answer? Whether you’ve been together a long time, engaged or significantly othered, none of those qualify. That sort of rings to the tune of “almost pregnant.” Either you are or aren’t. If you don’t have marriage as proof positive it’s yet another opinion to solidify the reasoning behind many unattached individuals.

Steven Q. Stanley

January 6th, 2011
8:42 am

If you are a woman over 30 then a man with a job who won’t beat you should be good enough. You missed your chance to land a quality man by being too selective, or there is something wrong with your personality that causes good men to not want to be with you.

SlimNumeroUno

January 6th, 2011
8:47 am

SQS – Here have some of my special brew. ;-)

Kym

January 6th, 2011
8:48 am

Good Morning All,

I have absolutely no idea if I am marriage material..because I would think you wouldn’t know if you can pass the test until you are tested and as for Me, Myself and I well I am not looking to take that test. If it happens..it will shock the sugar out of me that’s for sure.

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SlimNumeroUno

January 6th, 2011
8:51 am

On topic – As far as being ‘marriage material’, I don’t believe there is going to be a cut and dry answer. Anyone could be marriage material based on what their thoughts about marriage should and is supposed to be. If you are with someone who shares the same definition, values, ideals etc then according to that you WOULD be. For some, a marriage can be Open where you both have the option to invite others into your bedroom. For some, it may mean the wife is the domestic & submissive entity of the partnership, whilst the man is the dominate breadwinning head of household. For others, it may be simply a business/political/religious decision for a public persona….and the list goes on. I believe folks view marriage differently than it was years ago….not saying it’s right or wrong, but times are a bit different than they were in the past.

Celisea

January 6th, 2011
8:54 am

Morning,

When I’m talking or interacting with someone, I don’t really think in terms of being marriage material. I guess if I had to think in terms of being marriage material, I would think of my moms and pop…they did it once and until one departed this life. Further to that, I don’t really think in those terms. Heck even if you did or already is, you won’t know until you stick it out. I mean if we’re talking getting someone down the alter or in front of a preacher, folks do that all day but then a year or so later or a few bumps down the road and they’re calling it quits. I don’t think you can think in terms of marriage material ahead of getting married. I don’t think though I’m following the course of today’s topic though :)

Raqi V

January 6th, 2011
8:56 am

Being marriage material and having someone marry you are not always the same.

Many people marry and you know…well…

Some people meet someone, get to know them, fall in love with them, and think they want to spend the rest of their days together…to find out after the fact that person does not have what it takes or rather have no desire to be what it takes to be someone’s spouse. The ability to be is not unattainable. Folks just do and be what they choose to do and be.

In my opinion AND what I have learned to be true being in my second marriage, it takes a spirit of willingness, cooperation, compromise and sacrifice to be and stay married. As well as love, loyalty, unity, compassion, friendship, forgiveness and trust if you want that marriage, your partner and yourself to be happy.

Marriage is not just a partnership it’s a fusing merger. One entity. If you cannot possess the willingness to be one with another individual you are probably not marriage material.

Yeah, yeah, yeah we meet people that are so awesome and special that we cannot imagine living without. But the more important thing is can you live with them. Can they live with you? Are you cut out for what it’s going to take to live in matrimony.

Raqi V

January 6th, 2011
8:57 am

Many times most don’t even think about or even realize the reality of everyday togetherness when agreeing to marry. All most really have in sight at the time is ‘I love this person and want to be with them’. And most miss the No more me and you but us. No more mine and yours but ours.

While it is really the right of the two individuals to do what works for them, however marriage is truly a forsake all others deal. Truly.

I would love to say that I had this all figured out before saying ‘I do’ 5 years ago. But I would be lying if I said that. I have had my moments of “Wow” and not always in a good way.

I have had to emotionally and mentally step to the side and recollect my good senses and sanity. A spouse will make you want to choke the snot out of them if you don’t watch yourself. It can get trying. LOL
But we choose to stay. :smile: It’s worth it. Those little tiffs and bumps are merely the battles of the personalities of two fools with a misunderstanding learning to be one.

I don’t know if many of you have ever noticed but couples married 45, 50, 60 years have very few disagreements. In fact they pretty much are on one accord. Of one mind. Sharing the same thoughts. For many it is not a cover up. It’s years of peeling off layers selfishness and individuality and growing communal skin. Bonding.

Love, admiration, adoration, infatuation and lust aside…it takes the willingness and perseverance to be one that’s the cloth of marriage.

Delight23...loving the fresh start

January 6th, 2011
8:57 am

Morning Peoples!!

Wise Diva I think for the new year a stronger troll repelant is in order…just sayin’.

Y'all are Kidz

January 6th, 2011
8:58 am

That’s a dumb question. Everybody’s marriage material if someone is willing to put up with the other’s crap. Take me f’rinstance. I’m physically attractive to most women, healthy and extremely active. I volunteer, I love kids, I have season opera tickets and listen to WABE almost exclusively. Some Chicks dig that.
Now on the other hand, I have 7 motorcycles, like to ride with the brothas and sistas on the south side when I can. I have some significant sexual kinks. I am extremely opinionated and like for the woman I’m with to worship me. Even more Chicks dig that.

Delight23...loving the fresh start

January 6th, 2011
8:59 am

On topic – As far as being ‘marriage material’, I don’t believe there is going to be a cut and dry answer. Anyone could be marriage material based on what their thoughts about marriage should and is supposed to be..

*Ditto. The cut depends on the cookie.

Raqi V

January 6th, 2011
9:02 am

Love is blind but marriage has clear vision.

I understand now when my dad tells me to obey the marriage. My and the hub have a difference of opinions but if and when we obey and do what’s good for the marriage it works itself out. When we don’t it usually comes up again.

Celisea

January 6th, 2011
9:02 am

Y’all are kidz – Did you just do an ad on youself? lol You should move that paragraph of advertisement over to Eharmony or the Purple Cow (is that still in circulation) or one of those places that advertises.

G

January 6th, 2011
9:02 am

It seems fewer people are getting married nowadays…..just shacking up. However, I have a late 30s buddy who is getting married for the 2nd time (no kids). Actually, it’s a group of us that are single with no kids, and never married. But my buddy really enjoys the marriage “lifestyle”. He never really felt all that comfortable with the singles scene. Even though his maturity is tempered to settling down and compromising in relationships, I think he’s getting married moreso because he disires the lifestyle and doesn’t want to be single anymore. My observation is that he is “over-compromising” just to make things work. I think he and his fiance’ are both marriage candidates, I just hope they are yoked for each other and not just because they feel it’s time they get married. Just because two people are ready for marriage, and good people, doesn’t mean they are right for each other.

Mom of young adults

January 6th, 2011
9:05 am

My daughter’s boyfriend came over for Christmas…he was unable to find our house with either an address or detailed directions and had a meltdown because he got lost and she had to drive out and meet him and have him follow her home…sorry fellas but if you aren’t resourceful enough to figure out how to use a GPS or Mapquest then you should be stricken from the list…unless you can find a woman who actually wants to be your mom…and then he couldn’t even be bothered to bring his own dishes to the kitchen after eating much less help out with clean up (strike 2 & 3).

DreamsMaterialize

January 6th, 2011
9:06 am

How do you know if you are marriage material?
I’m not marriage material because right now I’m not interested in marriage. If I were interested in marriage, I wouldn’t think in terms of being marriage material anyway. I just try to be the best person I can be, treat the ladies with respect, be a man of my word, and take it from there.

Y'all are Kidz

January 6th, 2011
9:07 am

C – No, I’m unavailable.lol I’m just trying to say, that with every good there’s a weird and it’s all a matter of balance. I would never even date a woman without many of those same conflicting attributes. And she better understand that it’s MY kitchen.

Celisea

January 6th, 2011
9:09 am

Y’all are Kidz – LOL…you’re a good sport this morning :)

ATL Guy

January 6th, 2011
9:10 am

Willing to let the Female take you for everything you’ve got … what’s Mine is Her’s & whats Her’s is Her’s !!! Who signs up for this!?

Raqi V

January 6th, 2011
9:12 am

Celisea, I agree with a good portion of what you are saying.

I view it like this. There a many doctors in the world. There are many that entered college and med school in hopes of being a doctor. Some for whatever reason never made it thru. Some made it and hold the degree however have a very weak practice. Some on the other hand are really good physicians.

Some find that the studies are too hard. Some find the hours to be too long. Some found they did not have the heart and sound mind to take it. While their desire was to be they were not doctor material. No perseverance, no willingness, no heart for the matter.

Then look at all those unlawful “practicing” physicians. Don’t have degree the first and trying to perform medical procedures out of the back of their house. Obviously something is missing that they can’t get the permission they need to be a real doctor.

I used a striving physician but there are many other areas where some people are just not cut out to do certain things that I can IMO relate to marriage.

2CPTG

January 6th, 2011
9:14 am

G’morning…..

forgot what I was gonna say…

Raqi V

January 6th, 2011
9:14 am

G, I like what you wrote. And I agree.

Splenda

January 6th, 2011
9:15 am

Steven Q. Stanley – I bet you are single…something wrong with that personality of yours!

lovelyliz

January 6th, 2011
9:16 am

There’s no sure way to make sure that someone is marriage material. It’s much easier to determine when they are not.

Chelle

January 6th, 2011
9:19 am

You can’t ‘cut & paste’ yourself or anyone to make them marriage material. Those that want to be married should pray about it because it’s not for everyone. Don’t ever think it’s all peaches & cream like you see it portrayed on tv/movies. I’ve heard it’s a job and you must work together & be equally yoked. There’s no definition for ‘marriage material’ in the dictionary..but for those married or engaged good luck. Have a great day everyone :)

2CPTG

January 6th, 2011
9:21 am

do blog marriages count? If so, I’m well qualified!

Raqi V

January 6th, 2011
9:21 am

For all the football lovers…LOL

You all know every young stud that makes it to college ball is not pro ball material.

Some are not able to take and give what’s needed to go pro or even stay in pro ball. Aren’t cut out for it.

In marriage you have to give in some ways you don’t want to and you have to take in some ways you don’t want. The key is it being balanced between the two individuals involved.

Now imma go try to go back to sleep.

Raqi V

January 6th, 2011
9:22 am

2CPTG, you are a nut. LOL

Celisea

January 6th, 2011
9:22 am

Raqi – Pretty good analysis

lovelyliz – You know…I think I agree with that.

AmazonRed™ - dragging...

January 6th, 2011
9:23 am


What makes someone marriage material?

Someone marrying you I guess…

Morning all.

abc

January 6th, 2011
9:28 am

Consider the term ‘marriage material’ as ‘____________ material’. You’re college material if you have the interest and can do the work; you’re athletic material if you’re good enough to be competitive and have the nature for it; you’re management material if you demonstrate leadership and effectiveness in getting things done with groups of people.

You’re marriage material if you are able to attract a potential mate to which you can truly commit, putting their interests ahead of your own.

Raqi V

January 6th, 2011
9:36 am

I have one last one then I am really going to sleep.

Not every woman that can spread eagle, get knocked up and give birth is good mother material. i.e. Susan Smith. Period. LOL

You may have the tools to make a baby but you better have love for your kids and good common sense with it.

Leggs

January 6th, 2011
9:38 am

Good morning!

@SlimNU ~ that’s exactly why I never got in the habit of drinking coffee. It amazed that people would be so grumpy and actually be mean until they got that first cup of coffee. As a little girl, I couldn’t understand how coffee could change someone so I was afraid to start drinking it. :lol:

Being marriage material and having someone marry you are not always the same. EXACTLY. Along the same lines have having a baby doesn’t necessarily make you a parent!

Why should a person put their interests ahead of their own. In a marriage, it’s about respect and compromise. Nothing should be one-sided in a marriage. It’s a give and take, a pull and a push, but never should be an abandonment of your own interests.

Cat mama

January 6th, 2011
9:41 am

Well good morning Mr. Stanley. It’s obvious you haven’t been selected by the elite as a soul mate! NO ONE CAN EVER BE TOO SELECTIVE! Take this form a divorce’ who remarried at the magical age of 40 to a wonderful man/partner/best friend and yes soulmate! Patience is a virtue and no goals are ever to high when it involves your life and someone else’s! Keep on tryin’!

Leggs

January 6th, 2011
9:41 am

@RaqiV ~ eye to eye!

ATL Guy

January 6th, 2011
9:45 am

I’m just going to have Anchor Babies everywhere … who needs to pay for the main course when you can get the free dessert !

SlimNumeroUno

January 6th, 2011
9:56 am

Leggs – It’s a legal form of co caine in the morning lol I have never been a morning person. But some years ago I worked in a call center and no matter if you were a morning person or not, when 8am hit you had better put on your morning voice/persona if you wanted to keep your job. So i learned that this black liquid they call COFFEE was a jolt that could get me in the mood to be cussed out by strangers. lol So I drink at least one cup every work day. On the weekends I go coffee-free

Sarah

January 6th, 2011
9:56 am

My girlfriend and I have been together a number of years, though we cannot get married, not here anyway (we have considered moving, but she likes living close to her parents and brother and being able to see her family lots). Many things that make somebody “marriage material” are subjective and will vary person-to-person, as others here have noted. I personally think communication (both sharing and listening) and compromise (when necessary) are large factors in making somebody marriage material.

abc

January 6th, 2011
9:58 am

The bride’s vows don’t include “Love, Honor and Negotiate”, nor “Love, Honor, and Compromise”. They are “Love, Honor and Obey”, with the JP/copout version being modified to “Love, Honor and Cherish”, designed for women that can’t put their new husband’s interests ahead of her own. Maybe they suspect that their new husband wouldn’t do that, either. I’d say in that case, neither are marriage material.

If both parties put the other’s interests first, I doubt that deals and compromises are necessary.

Leggs

January 6th, 2011
10:05 am

@SlimNU ~ I like that, “a legal form of co caine.” My jittery boss drinks about 8 cups a day (BLACK)!

If both parties put the other’s interests first, I doubt that deals and compromises are necessary. That makes sense, but compromise will creep in every so often.

BlackMagicWoman

January 6th, 2011
10:06 am

“Wise Diva I think for the new year a stronger troll repelant is in order…just sayin’”

DELIGHT…I was thinking the same thing. It seems to be a troll in our bunch! :roll:

Y’all are Kidz….you had me until the worshiping part! I worship no one but God & JC. And I doubt either of them would be in a blog! So……. :lol:

” And she better understand that it’s MY kitchen.”

Now there you would have no arguement from me. I hate cooking. I do it because I have to eat. But I would rather clean the kitchen than cook.

CHELLE..I cosign your 9:19. There is no cookie cutter approach to marriage. I just don’t think people really think on what marriage entails. I do! And frankly it scares the bejesus out of me. I know you have to be willing to put up with a lot of crap. And frankly my BS-ometer is broken and stuck on “Hellz No”! So I think I am better off just having a relationship. If that fool starts to act up…let my stilletto meet his butt and keep it moving!

Shalita

January 6th, 2011
10:11 am

SexyCool

January 6th, 2011
10:13 am

Cat Mama – you are safe from Stanley’s disdain. He has previously stated that although you may have divorced if you were so fortunate that because someone has deemed you marriage-worthy, you will not be assigned to a life with only feline companions.

Steven Q. Stanley

January 6th, 2011
10:16 am

Splenda, I ma happily married. I am flattered though, thanks.

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 6th, 2011
10:17 am

Wait, did Slim used “whilst”? Not suprised that she could, but that she did?

20-ellem starting off right

SexyCool

January 6th, 2011
10:19 am

I like what Truth said about marriage yesterday…that he would put as much energy into being married as he did into being single.

I would have to write a novella to communicate my opinions about what it takes to be marriage material.

My short answer – it is a state of being that should have many levels and willing to change.

SlimNumeroUno

January 6th, 2011
10:22 am

Dan –> Ha ha ha hardy har har….lol Is that one of those whatchamacallit….back-handed compliments?

SexyCool

January 6th, 2011
10:25 am

Let me see if I can state that a bit more clearly – It is a state of being that should have many levels and qualities and along with a willingness to change and adapt as necessary.