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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

What makes someone marriage material?

I think it’s really interesting that the happy couples I know admit that they did not foresee marriage when they first met. I even remember one couple saying they downright disliked each other upon introduction!

If you can go from utter dislike to tumbling head over heels, I’d say that’s proof positive that we don’t always know what we are looking for in a future partner. Even if we claim to know what makes someone marriage material, would we be able to tell if someone had it or not?

I used to think that anyone who desires to be married is marriage material! Do you think it’s that simple, though?

How do you know if you are marriage material? How do your ideas about love, marriage and what you expect from them play a role in all of this?

428 comments Add your comment

2CPTG

January 6th, 2011
2:13 pm

Kimmie, I agree with what you said….but do you think it’s the parents that are jaded, or whats shoved down these kids’ throats outside of the house?

For example, lotta y’all said you wouldn’t let your kids watch what you watch…..but when that’s the “hot topic” at school, how does a parent stop their kids from wanting “to be down”?

Kym

January 6th, 2011
2:14 pm

Okay I missed two pages..due to work..so I am not sure where we are..but I did see something about what kids watch on tv. I guess if we base parenting on what kids watch..then I don’t know how I would rank..

The boy watches or has watched (in no particular order)…Modern Family, No Ordinary Family, Whateva Cartoons come on Hub, Cartoon Network, NickToons, Disney Channel, Nick at Night,.He watches Degrassi(and reminds me constantly that there is where Drake started his career..insert eyeroll like I care), House, Bones, The Closer, Leverage, Law and Order(UK too.), Family Guy and The Boondocks ohh and of course..Doctor Who and Psych.

AmazonRed™ - dragging...

January 6th, 2011
2:17 pm

how does a parent stop their kids from wanting “to be down”?

They don’t. Still doesn’t mean they get to watch.

AmazonRed™ - dragging...

January 6th, 2011
2:19 pm

Elizabeth Edwards says: “John, you get NADA in my will.”

Ha ha ha.

kimmie

January 6th, 2011
2:19 pm

Amred – I will tell you that growing up, my parents, especially my mother, were REAL PARENTS. They GOVERNED everything we came in contact with, including what we watched on tv. The Super Station, Channel 17, was about the only station my parents let us watch carte blanche, because all they showed were the old shows, Beaver, Andy Griffith, Brady Bunch, etc, and the old school cartoons. There were one or 2 network shows they MIGHT let us see, but that was it. And television time was limited. They kept us busy with reading, music lessons, schoolwork, etc.

It’s all about what you expose kids to. They appreciate what you appreciate. If all you let them watch is Kardashians, that’s all they will appreciate. Most of what we listen to when I have the kids is old school music. They love Debarge, Sade, MJ, EWF, etc. They don’t call it lame at all. Baby girl loves fine arts like classical piano and ballet. I listened to the Nutcracker symphony music while I was baking over the holidays and she loved it. We are going to the ballet this Christmas season at the Fox. She’s excited about it. Her buddy next door takes piano lessons and she goes to her recitals.

All about exposure.

BlackMagicWoman

January 6th, 2011
2:21 pm

““Why did she think they needed to see that???” – So that it would hurt him and in her eyes it makes her look like the parent.”

FOR REAL..sometimes when parents split, the kids are seeing mommy as the bad parent who drove daddy away. Why is it that men think they can run away from their responsibilities and the mother is not supposed to tell the truth as to why daddy isn’t around. He is looking like the good guy and mommy struggles to get by and make sure THEIR kids to not lack anything. But OH..we he sees the error of his ways and comes back, things are supposed to be hunky dorry because daddy’s trying to be a father now. he made “the choice” to do what he should have from the start. That’s just like giving a man a pat on the back for being a good father. hell you are only doing whta you should anyway!!! Where’s mommy’s pat on the back? Oh that right….she doesn’t get one for holding things down when punk a$$ sperm donor was too busy chasing skirts too be a father!

I am not saying this is the case all the time…because there are some really trife a$$ mother’s out there! So I am not condoning Tammi’s actions. But I really do understand where she is coming from. He was making millions and because things didn’t work out between them, he abandoned his girls and went and married some other chick and now he is super dad to those kids. How do you think those girls feel? Wonder if they will have daddy issues that will prevent them from ever receiving a proper relationship.

ARED…BET is based here now I. I temped at Turner and in the production building there was BET. But as for “The Game”..I hope they do not mess it up. The play the old ones and bleep out things like b*tch or h0! It just won’t feel the same without Tasha Mack’s real antics! :lol: Touche B*tch…or Punk A$$ Chauncey! Classic!!!!

I watched Are We There Yet and the kids didn’t know what a VCR or the VHS was. He had them watching A Different World on VHS and the kids got hooked and said it was a good show. The boy and he friend started dressing like Dwayne Wayne and Ron Johnson. Both of them said it made them want to go to an HBCU….even the White boy who was dressed like Ron Jonhson! :lol: It was funny because I thought about How I found a fairly large cassette as a child and thought it was a different type of VHS. I was later told it was something called an 8-track. :shock: :lol:

DreamsMaterialize

January 6th, 2011
2:23 pm

Old cartoons and stories weren’t innocent.

Tom & Jerry was violent, not to mention the Aunt Jemima type maid that worked in the house.

Bugs Bunny disseminated war propaganda.

Scooby Doo was socio-political commentary.

In Jack and the Beanstalk, they liked to EAT HUMANS.

In Hansel and Gretel the witch is a cannibal who eats children, and in the end the children push the witch into the fire to be burned alive.

Three Stooges occasionally had a sambo type character coonin’ around.

The Little Rascals had Buckwheat…’nuff said.

In Snow White the queen orders the huntsman to murder Snow White and to bring back her heart as proof.

You can go on endlessly with this.

kimmie

January 6th, 2011
2:23 pm

Still doesn’t mean they get to watch.

2C – Just what Amred said above, don’t matter what the “other kids get to do”. We had the same issues growing up cause there were things my mom would not let us watch, listen to, go, etc. We learned to play it off in the street. See that’s the problem with parents today. Too busy trying to be these kids friend. My mama didn’t give a flip what the other kids did. We just had to suck it up. Part of life.

i'm swiss™ (grasping at straws to get in them draws)

January 6th, 2011
2:28 pm

Dreams — … and Pepe Le Pew was a rapist and Foghorn Leghorn was a horny old cracker, trying to get a sympathy f__k from Ms. Prissy. “I say, I say, I need yo’ luuuuuuuuuuv to keep me waaaaaaaaarm.” :lol:

AmazonRed™ - dragging...

January 6th, 2011
2:30 pm

Thanks Staceye! I figured there was a reason they moved the show here. I know they tape the Mo’Nique Show here too, so Turner/Time Warner might have bought em out and moved em here.

AmazonRed™ - dragging...

January 6th, 2011
2:30 pm

Yeah, Bert and Ernie…the original gay couple! :lol:

DreamsMaterialize

January 6th, 2011
2:31 pm

I listened to the Nutcracker symphony music while I was baking over the holidays and she loved it.
kimmie my sister used to dance in the Boston Ballet, so we used to see the Nutcracker, Swan Lake and some others EVERY year. I got so damn sick of the Nutcracker. lol It wasn’t until about two years that I could actually stomach the nutcracker enough to see it again…probably for my daughter’s sake. ;-)

AmazonRed™ - dragging...

January 6th, 2011
2:33 pm

Yeah, back when it I was coming up, the girls used to leave school early to make it to a nearby high school to flirt with the boys there. I wanted to be down with that. My mom stayed at home, so I had to go home and have snacks and do homework. :lol:

The horror of going to prom with a guy who actually went to school with you! You were cooler if you got a boy from another school to take you. :lol:

Kym

January 6th, 2011
2:33 pm

Hey I love Sesame Street..they keep up with the times..they recently had a bit of drama cause they did a show about one of the kids or puppets having two moms or dads or something.

Oh and whoever has not seen Modern Family…that is a funny show..they have episodes online..

Raqi V

January 6th, 2011
2:34 pm

but when that’s the “hot topic” at school, how does a parent stop their kids from wanting “to be down”

2CPTG, you already know the answer, you have two yourself. We teach them. My son who will be 16 in less than a month gets to watch a lot more type of shows than he did at 12. He is old enough to know certain things now. We have to go with the times but that doesn’t mean we have to let them loose in all of it.

He knows just because the kid’s mother on television allows her kids certain privileges those privileges will not be allowed in this house.

He is getting to the age where he can have a real girlfriend and will be given the freedom this year to drive over to see her alone in a car. (Not mine but a car. LOL) But he will have rules he has to adhere to no matter what the other kids are doing or saying.

While all kids desire a certain amount for freedom they all don’t desire to get out there and be buck wild.

You explain this to me…”Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

i'm swiss™ (grasping at straws to get in them draws)

January 6th, 2011
2:36 pm

Oscar the Grouch was homeless & The Count was a pimp…

Kym

January 6th, 2011
2:36 pm

While all kids desire a certain amount for freedom they all don’t desire to get out there and be buck wild.

I will second this emotion..

AmazonRed™ - dragging...

January 6th, 2011
2:37 pm

While all kids desire a certain amount for freedom they all don’t desire to get out there and be buck wild.

That was the funniest thing growing up. I didn’t have curfew, I didn’t have to be off the phone at a certain hour. My parents said “you’ve been raised, so you should know when to come home and when to get off the phone.” So no need to rebel cuz they trusted me.

I had all the freedom and I didn’t even use it! Funny how that works.

Raqi V

January 6th, 2011
2:38 pm

Old cartoons and stories weren’t innocent.

DreamsMat, I agree and disagree. It was all in the delivery.

Olivia Newton John sang “Let’s get physical” and I used to sing right along with her. Exercise. When I got older I learned that the physical she was talking about was Sexercise.

It was innocence until the time of understanding came with age.

AmazonRed™ - dragging...

January 6th, 2011
2:38 pm

Raqi – Well whose car will he be using? I better not see him on that Super Sweet 16 show. :lol:

Raqi V

January 6th, 2011
2:40 pm

AmazonR, I agree with your point however we did have a curfew. And it was not because we wanted to get buck wild. (My sister was just evil. LOL)

Curfews taught us boundaries and the respect for rules.

2CPTG

January 6th, 2011
2:40 pm

“You explain this to me…”Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

This mirrors my upbringing….as I said, I had the whole “Huxtable” thing goin on in my house; but silly me, I wanted to experiment with the “darkside”……and did it! But, I do know how I was raised, and the roots of my being are firmly entrenched in what I was taught….and as far as my 2, I let ‘em know what’s “real” and what’s fake….and pray that I’m not being too strict, yet, at the same time not raising them in a bubble….

Trevor0529

January 6th, 2011
2:41 pm

Bugs Bunny did like to dress in drag.

:)

Kym

January 6th, 2011
2:41 pm

Oh yeah and I guess we have to count video games into this discussion too..because my son spent the holidays with his uncle and his buddies..their game of choice..Modern Warfare..Black Ops..(Seriously military dudes..you shoot folks for a living must you play the games at home too..)

AmazonRed™ - dragging...

January 6th, 2011
2:42 pm

Raqi – While they told me “you know when you need to come home.” I also knew it meant “your ass is grass if you come in after midnight.” :lol:

I really wonder how my Mom ever slept at night. I could have been doing anything! I didn’t, but she didn’t know that! :lol:

BlackMagicWoman

January 6th, 2011
2:43 pm

OMG…. see my cartoon propaganda is shared! Yay! :lol: I thought I was the only ones who thought these things!

Now I am off to the orthopedic surgeon!

DreamsMaterialize

January 6th, 2011
2:43 pm

How about the Seven Dwarves…seven grown men living together and singing songs.

Leggs

January 6th, 2011
2:45 pm

@ARed ~ listening to Staceye over the years, that’s pretty much the route her mother took with her too…show your kids trust and believe you feel they were raised properly and they will know how to act…

Kym

January 6th, 2011
2:45 pm

@Dreams..Snow White was living there for a min..

Raqi V

January 6th, 2011
2:45 pm

LOL AmazonR, no Sweet 16 shindigs here. Girl you are chatting with an old fashion mother.

I’on know whose car he will be taking but it will not be mine. He and his dad will have to work that out. If not he can see if his father will be willing to let him use his.

(yeah I know, dad and father. Not the same person. LOL)

For Real

January 6th, 2011
2:47 pm

BMW:

1. “That’s just like giving a man a pat on the back for being a good father. hell you are only doing whta you should anyway!!! Where’s mommy’s pat on the back?” – Now why does a “good mommy” deserve a pat on the back for doing what she should anyway but a “good dad” doesn’t deserve one?

2. Why do you assume that all men that leave the mothers of their children are no good?

3. Do you believe a man can be a father to his without being with the mother?

4. Do you believe women deliberately push men out of their kids live to get even with them for leaving them?

5. Do you believe women use the kids to punish the men for leaving them?

2CPTG

January 6th, 2011
2:47 pm

Raqi…..Is “Father” active in young dudes’ life?

kimmie

January 6th, 2011
2:47 pm

and pray that I’m not being too strict, yet, at the same time not raising them in a bubble….

2Can – That’s all you can do. My mother, as no-nonsense as she was, was always worried about holding on TOO tight. She knew of too many back from when she grew up that just went crazy after they left their strict homes. She also didn’t want our homelife to be like a prison. She did like to have fun & clown. And she let us try alcohol on special occasions so it was no big deal when we left home for college.

AmazonRed™ - dragging...

January 6th, 2011
2:48 pm

(yeah I know, dad and father. Not the same person. LOL)

:lol: So it’s more like a Brady Bunch upbringing! (but really, what happened to their exes, were they dead or divorced)

My mom let me use her car. She drove a minivan tho. *smh* :lol:

Leggs

January 6th, 2011
2:49 pm

@2C ~ that’s Proverbs 22:6. I have it as a plaque on my desk! Our curfew was set by the street lights! Be home before they came on!

PrincessNik

January 6th, 2011
2:50 pm

@ Ared

We didn’t have a curfew either, but I was always thinking “what’s too late?” made you self-police. I can remember coming home at like 2:30 after prom and i didn’t have my key I just KNEW my dad was going to spaz, he looked at me, said where is your key?! turned around and went back and got in his bed

kimmie

January 6th, 2011
2:50 pm

I didn’t have curfew, I didn’t have to be off the phone at a certain hour. My parents said “you’ve been raised, so you should know when to come home and when to get off the phone.”

Amred – Now that is wild, cause that was the same thing with us! But if you did anything to betray that trust, it was over for you! My parents did the legwork up front, so the teen years were a bit of a breeze for them!

PrincessNik

January 6th, 2011
2:52 pm

Swiss/BWM

Don’t forget about the Smurfs! Smurfette was the only chick………………….I”m just saying

And Popeye! Olive Oyl, just kept going back and forth between the two men Bluto would whip up on her she’d run to popeye………..

AmazonRed™ - dragging...

January 6th, 2011
2:52 pm

show your kids trust and believe you feel they were raised properly and they will know how to act…

Leggs – What’s also good about this is you can actually WATCH how they make decisions on their own with this kind of freedom. Trust, had I been stupid with the freedom, I wouldn’t have gone away to school. I would have had to go to UCLA and stay under their thumb. So when I did go to college, I didn’t wild out because it wasn’t my first taste of freedom.

2CPTG

January 6th, 2011
2:52 pm

Any dudes on here step-dads? Need y’all input….

Kym

January 6th, 2011
2:52 pm

@Leggs..that was my dad’s saying too.. “Don’t let the street light beat you in the house..” The key was to time it so you were on the step when the light started to flicker…LOL

AmazonRed™ - dragging...

January 6th, 2011
2:54 pm

I can remember coming home at like 2:30 after prom

How bout, my parents wouldn’t let me get a hotel room with my girlfriends, but then turned around and left for the ENTIRE weekend to take my sis to her basketball tournament. So I had a whole house to myself for FREE! Even better :lol:

My boyfriend did come over, but I was still in the V-Club so we just made out and hung out. :lol:

sleepy

January 6th, 2011
2:55 pm

is anyone else sleepy? yawn

Leggs

January 6th, 2011
2:57 pm

“So when I did go to college, I didn’t wild out because it wasn’t my first taste of freedom.” EXACTLY. Like a vampire, don’t give them a drop of the blood and then take back the neck. They will sniff out another neck. Sorry, vampires are so popular, I couldn’t think of anything else.

I hoping this will be my result with my child.

For Real

January 6th, 2011
2:58 pm

“My boyfriend did come over, but I was still in the V-Club so we just made out and hung out.” – That’s right cause sticking just the head in don’t count!

Raqi V

January 6th, 2011
2:58 pm

2CPTG, yep he is there almost every other weekend. And sometimes during some weeks. But “dad” is the one that is raising him to be a man. The boy lives here with “dad”. Dad is the one that is keeping me from breaking that boy in two. LOL

His father provides for him but his dad is teaching him. His dad taught him to drive, talks to him about man-life, teaches him about girls. He goes to the barber with his dad, he works around the house with his dad.

These days I have nothing bad to say about his father, but I see firsthand what he dad does for him.

Both of my boys call my hub “Pops” or dad.

SlimNumeroUno

January 6th, 2011
2:58 pm

Awww, Moments to Love…love this song

PrincessNik

January 6th, 2011
2:58 pm

Ared, we had gone bowling after prom, (cause i wasn’t doing anything at the time either.) Trust I knew if i didn’t fear anyone or anything else, Fear God and Fear my Parents. I moved back to GA into my parents house right before I had my daughter and for the year we were there I was still iffy about coming home at a decent hour cause It wasn’t “my house” so I had to be respectful of that fact.

Leggs

January 6th, 2011
2:59 pm

That is knowing how to act because this isn’t her first time to the rodeo!

Now you see why I was nominated Most Corniest!

AmazonRed™ - dragging...

January 6th, 2011
2:59 pm

That’s right cause sticking just the head in don’t count!

Virgins would get no pleasure from that. Ouch! So no. :lol: