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What makes someone marriage material?

I think it’s really interesting that the happy couples I know admit that they did not foresee marriage when they first met. I even remember one couple saying they downright disliked each other upon introduction!

If you can go from utter dislike to tumbling head over heels, I’d say that’s proof positive that we don’t always know what we are looking for in a future partner. Even if we claim to know what makes someone marriage material, would we be able to tell if someone had it or not?

I used to think that anyone who desires to be married is marriage material! Do you think it’s that simple, though?

How do you know if you are marriage material? How do your ideas about love, marriage and what you expect from them play a role in all of this?

428 comments Add your comment

BlackMagicWoman

January 6th, 2011
12:26 pm

SLIM…first they would have to show verifiable income for a certain amount of years in order to support that child 100% with government assistance.( I know things can happen such as recessions…but your initial intent should be correct). They would have to undergo a Psych Evaluation as well as a criminal background. As if they would trying to get a business loan…they would have to come with a plan, on paper to be signed as a contract that would carry harsh penalties should the default. That would include: back up plan should something happen to the parent(s), and a contingency plan should their financial earnings decline, how they plan to cover the costs of education, clothing and other needs. The mother would sign a contract that she would follow the OB/GYN’s instructions to try to ensure a healthy baby (meaning if like to smoke, drink, etc) your selfish a$$ woudl be willing to set that aside for the health of that baby. Heck even after its born they need sober responsible parents. The father would sign a contract, that in the event that they separate, he will not be a deadbeat and will be an intricate part of the kids life so that the kid is not missing out on their father’s love. And the mother would not be allowed to play games like not leeting the father see his kid simply because he no longer wants her. She would have to show just cause and proof in a court as to why the father can not be involved. Also if the reason for the split is infedelity than then the jerk causing the family devide should be penalized. The rearing would have to be 50/50. None of this mommy 80/daddy 20 business. You are 50/50 on the creation…and that should continue. Basically, show that you deserve the privilege of bringing another life into this world.

This woudl work in a perfect world. But alas…..we are living in a far from perfect world.

LEGGS…that’s messed up! So what job will they be hiring for now? :shock: What…don’t judge me” :lol: Somebody’s gotta do it!

MO…girl I see it all the time. Chicks trying to trap a man by having his baby. The only one she is trapping is herself! Granted they are both to blame. If he doesn’t want a kid…don’t have sex or take all the precautions that are necessary! That does not rid him of his responsibilities!

Kym

January 6th, 2011
12:27 pm

@Swiss respect is not given automatically it is earned.. and kids know who they can and can”t mess with in the classroom. Now if Missy is standing there like she is scared to speak..they will pounce..you don’t just gain automatic respect simply because you wear the title as teacher. Those jokers can smell weakness.

Celisea

January 6th, 2011
12:27 pm

Leggs – @Celisea ~ I remember that mother/daughter tag team on the teacher.

Yep, that was it. She’s a little something with a bang of a personality. When I met her I was instantly impressed with her skills but she’s almost anal in how she carries her class. It’s like she can’t quite get how to go with the flow. She told me she’s so sick and tired of being called bit&ch and wh*re by the kids and that she’s gotta still the 2nd half of the class and check that. I wouldn’t check nothing, I’d show ‘em the door. Why be combative with some that’s obviously futile. Kick out the trouble makers and keep it light and moving.

Dan - Simply...Superior

January 6th, 2011
12:28 pm

Yeah,

Respect is earned. (period)

In all relationships. These “kids” ain’t wild, they are just intuitive enough to know who they can get over on – and who they can’t.

Same in romantic relationships, these women (and men) know who they can get over on too.

In each instance, don’t look at the kid (or woman or man), look at what you putting out.

#statedbyonewithoutthoseissues

For Real

January 6th, 2011
12:31 pm

On topic: “Marriage Material” a self-help industry generated word that provides comfort to people that have no idea what marriage is or why they want to be married.

I think we have a different breed of everybody these days..- And how.. This new breed is never wrong, it’s never their fault and they deserve to be happy and rich without earning it.

Leggs

January 6th, 2011
12:31 pm

@BMW, you got mail!

PrincessNik

January 6th, 2011
12:31 pm

Cuz even if you have a good kid, you still have to send em out in the world with the others.

@ Ared, you are so right! I have grabbed lil mama up by her collar on a couple of occasions and told her that what she see’s Becky/Ray Ray doing, doesn’t fly in our house and I bet not see/hear her doing/saying whatever it was ever again.

AmazonRed™ - dragging...

January 6th, 2011
12:32 pm

Hey For Real…where you here yesterday for Truth’s big annoucement?

AmazonRed™ - dragging...

January 6th, 2011
12:32 pm

*were* not where. Grr.

For Real

January 6th, 2011
12:38 pm

Kym: “you don’t just gain automatic respect simply because you wear the title as teacher.” – I get what you are saying but certain position in society should garner respect without having to earn it and being a Teacher is one of those positions a child should be taught and expected to respeck. If and when the time comes for the teacher to receive some disrespeck, then the parent should be the one to do it out of the child’s present.

Ared: Yeah I was here and I’m happy for Truth but Truth better close that dayum gate behind him.

i'm swiss™ (grasping at straws to get in them draws)

January 6th, 2011
12:39 pm

“respect is not given automatically it is earned.. and kids know who they can and can”t mess with in the classroom.”

Well, as far as my parents were concerned, the fact that the teacher had lived to be X years my elder, earned a degree, and landed a job as the teacher was plenty to earn the respect of a little kid who hadn’t done sh!t in this world. No matter if that teacher had the classroom presence of Dirty Harry or Barney Fife. But I guess times have changed…

CoolShadow

January 6th, 2011
12:39 pm

Marriage material is relative to the beholder and evaluator. One person’s soulmate and life partner is another’s nightmare in reality.

@Raqi – your blogs have really been rich for this topic. Excellent viewpoints and very elaborative. Please keep going…

AmazonRed™ - dragging...

January 6th, 2011
12:41 pm

Ared: Yeah I was here and I’m happy for Truth but Truth better close that dayum gate behind him.

:lol:

Drink this elixir…don’t mind the smoke coming off fo it. :twisted:

Raqi V

January 6th, 2011
12:41 pm

The one area my hub and I differ is the matter of respect.

For me, respect has to be earned. You show me that you are respectable and due respect I will respect you. I approach everyone from a neutral stance.

He on the other will grant you respect upfront and then expect you to live up to it. He approaches every one as innocent until proven guilty.

But where we do very much agree is when that respect is taken advantage of the relationship and dealings with that individual will never be the same.

Mo (aka Moeisha)

January 6th, 2011
12:43 pm

For Real – “If and when the time comes for the teacher to receive some disrespeck, then the parent should be the one to do it out of the child’s present. ‘ Well said, too many kids trying to handle adult situations and unfortunately they take that one situation and apply it to all adults. Thinking they can run amuck on anybody

Celisea

January 6th, 2011
12:44 pm

For Real – Your 12:38…I agree. Absolutely. Too, you NEVER settle any matters in front of children

For Real

January 6th, 2011
12:46 pm

Swiss: I agree 100%

“Drink this elixir…don’t mind the smoke coming off of it.” – For Real takes off running like a Pimp Name Cream Corn.

2CPTG

January 6th, 2011
12:50 pm

idle nothingness:

damn, that homeless dude blowin the fugg up!

Raqi V

January 6th, 2011
12:50 pm

CoolShadow. Thanks…I think. LOL

I am merely a student in this matter of married life. I am learning every day. I have never hidden the fact that I want the ’til death do us part so I hope we make it to that point.

Quoting my brother: “Life is a teacher by experience. Speculation is the entertainment of fools.”

For Real

January 6th, 2011
12:51 pm

Raqi: I like you when it comes to respect but either way works when it’s an adult-to-adult situation. Neither way works very well when it’s a child-to-adult situation.

Celisea: “For Real – Your 12:38…I agree. Absolutely” – Do you agree absolutely to this (Zippppppppppp) too?

AmazonRed™ - dragging...

January 6th, 2011
12:51 pm

you NEVER settle any matters in front of children

True true true. My parents don’t have a perfect marriage, but they never aired it in front of us. So now, I think I had a pretty “Cosby Show” upbringing.

That chick Tami on Basketball Wives, she has her kids in therapy with her as she and her ex argue over whose fault it was. Her kids just crumbled. Why did she think they needed to see that???

Celisea

January 6th, 2011
12:52 pm

No zippppppping please :)

Raqi V

January 6th, 2011
12:53 pm

2CPTG, the hub had me laughing yesterday trying to mimic Ted Williams voice. The hub has a nice baritone/bass voice but like I told him he ain’t nothing on that streetbum. LOL

I hope Ted Williams do good. Every one deserves a break and a second chance. I saw the video of him where he had his hair cut and has showered. He cleaned up really well.

For Real

January 6th, 2011
12:53 pm

“Why did she think they needed to see that???” – So that it would hurt him and in her eyes it makes her look like the parent.

cba

January 6th, 2011
12:55 pm

marriage material = Tiny backing dat thang up 4 her man

Raqi V

January 6th, 2011
12:57 pm

ForReal when it comes to kids, these darn kids need to learn some respect. These parents need to make…yeah I said MAKE their kids respect them and other adults.

I hate being place and those darn kids will push pass you not saying excuse or anything. Some of them will run over you. And if you try to say something the parents get all bent out of shape.

Teach your kids respect. Respect for adults, respect for the law and respect for authority.

Celisea

January 6th, 2011
12:57 pm

Aside from their careers (doctor and lawyer) seemingly perfect, I think it mirrored probably a good number of 1980s black households in the way of providing discipline and structure….at least ours too.

Celisea

January 6th, 2011
12:58 pm

The Cosbys…

2CPTG

January 6th, 2011
1:00 pm

“I think it mirrored probably a good number of 1980s black households in the way of providing discipline and structure…”

yep, even mine…..I just strayed AFTER I left the house…..gettin back to my roots, though.

PrincessNik

January 6th, 2011
1:01 pm

These parents need to make…yeah I said MAKE their kids respect them and other adults.

AMEN Raqi

My pet peeve is when we are out and about and parents act like they don’t see they kids acting up or doing wrong, or being disrepectful.

I remember growing up my mom didn’t have to say a work she just gave us the look or the eye and you knew you better get right

PrincessNik

January 6th, 2011
1:03 pm

*word, not work

my brain is cramping from processing payroll :(

DreamsMaterialize

January 6th, 2011
1:04 pm

These parents need to make…yeah I said MAKE their kids respect them and other adults.
Raqi Very true, but the problem is usually that the parents don’t respect other adults or themselves. The children are usually just mimicking what they see at home on a regular basis. When I taught, I always approached discipline starting with the parents. The disruptive and misbehaving students were usually the ones with disruptive and misbehaving parents.

abc

January 6th, 2011
1:05 pm

The daily minimum mean temperatures in Atlanta are over 31 deg. Fahrenheit; in St. Louis, 20 deg; in Chicago, 10 deg. It really doesn’t get that cold here. It’ll get to around 10 deg. or so for a low temp maybe a couple times per year.

One must respect a person’s position, regardless the respect or lack thereof for the person themselves. Parents are the first authority figures that children encounter. If respect isn’t insisted upon in those encounters, it’s a sure bet the kid won’t respect anything or anyone else, either.

AmazonRed™ - dragging...

January 6th, 2011
1:05 pm

I think it mirrored probably a good number of 1980s black households in the way of providing discipline and structure….at least ours too.

Not sure about that. Growing up, there were only like 5 of us whose parents were still together to begin with.

PrincessNik

January 6th, 2011
1:06 pm

Dreams you said a mouthful with that 1:04

AmazonRed™ - dragging...

January 6th, 2011
1:07 pm

But then again, I grew up in the land of Hollywood. Nothing lasts for very long out there!

Celisea

January 6th, 2011
1:11 pm

ARed – I think it mirrored probably a good number of 1980s black households in the way of providing discipline and structure….at least ours too. Not sure about that. Growing up, there were only like 5 of us whose parents were still together to begin with.

I was actually speaking “in the way of discipline and structure” While I know most of show seemed dreamy, IMO they tried to relate to world that you can be successful have “normal kids and the dumb things they do” and still steer and guide and raise to be healthy adults. I think they tried to display all the quirky things that come up with raising kids and not feel like it’s something foreign happening within your househould alone but to understand hey, all kids sneak or lie or take or fight…it’s what they do. I wasn’t focusing so much on the marriage with that statement

kimmie

January 6th, 2011
1:14 pm

I think it mirrored probably a good number of 1980s black households in the way of providing discipline and structure….at least ours too.

I know it mirrored mine. Even the few folks I knew that came from single parent households, the discipline, structure and respect were on point. Didn’t matter what economic background either. We knew just as many from blue collar as we did professional, and the basics were the same.

I don’t know what these folks are doing now, raising these kids, but it’s not working.

Celisea

January 6th, 2011
1:14 pm

But to you point ARed – I think stability from a good marriage will transcend throughout the household…as I’ve said a million times, I’m proud of mom and pop’s 54 year run :)

AmazonRed™ - dragging...

January 6th, 2011
1:16 pm

I wasn’t focusing so much on the marriage with that statement

Yeah, but my point of bringing up the Cosby’s in the first place was because of the focus on the marriage. :lol: The relationship between Cliff and Clair is what really made the show what it was.

There was simply more displine and structure anyway back then. You don’t need to use the Cosbys to make that point.

2CPTG

January 6th, 2011
1:16 pm

C, to show how things, and people have changed, I’m willing to bet that folks today probably wouldn’t even watch the Cosby show…..

Celisea

January 6th, 2011
1:18 pm

2Can – Heck no, that would seem outlandish and far fetched and corny

Raqi V

January 6th, 2011
1:22 pm

I agree that it was just a different time back. The few single parent household that we knew of growing up those single parent houses, be it mother or father, were just as strict as or stricter than our home.

Kids have too many undeserved and unearned rights these days. When we were kids your only right was to be a kid. We had the right to be obedient to our parents. The right to food and shelter however our parents deemed necessary. The right to an education and to behave while getting it. The right to do whatever chores we were told to do. And last but not least the right to stay out of grown folks business.

AmazonRed™ - dragging...

January 6th, 2011
1:23 pm

I’m willing to bet that folks today probably wouldn’t even watch the Cosby show…..

Aww… :lol: The fact that it’s still in heavy syndication to this day dispels that. Networks put shows on tv that will make them money.

Saved By the Bell has still adding new generations as fans too. One cast member (maybe Slater?) says youths still stop him on the street about that show, even though he’s done years worth of other TV.

Leggs

January 6th, 2011
1:23 pm

Respect is earned, but when it comes to children you have them respect the adults around them automatically. That’s their first lesson in respect. It starts with toddlers saying hello Ms. So and So. As they get older (teenager) they decide whether you’re still worthy of being respected by how you act around and toward them. Everyone is not to be respected!

And DreamsM ~ you’re absolutely right…it’s mirrored at home!

Leggs

January 6th, 2011
1:27 pm

I grew up in a single family home, and my mother was strict, let alone had the fastest hands in The Bronx. Looking back, I know DFACS should have been called on many occasions!

For Real

January 6th, 2011
1:27 pm

“I think it mirrored probably a good number of 1980s black households in the way of providing discipline and structure….at least ours too.” – Yeah now look at the family shows on TV, it’s all about dysfunction, disorder, and disrespect.

i'm swiss™ (grasping at straws to get in them draws)

January 6th, 2011
1:29 pm

Maybe it’s just a question of semantics, but I just disagree with this whole “respect is earned” notion. Now, trust and admiration are are different story, but to me, respect should be granted to everyone by default — until you’ve given just cause to revoke it. That’s just part of being civil, IMO…

Celisea

January 6th, 2011
1:31 pm

For Real – Yeah now look at the family shows on TV, it’s all about dysfunction, disorder, and disrespect.

Exactly….The Kardashians IMO are nasty trio of chicks….including their mama. But according to society this is the standard and the norm or else they wouldn’t have landed a show.

Raqi V

January 6th, 2011
1:31 pm

One thing about my parents’ house when I was growing up is that was their house. My brothers, sister and I were just temporary occupants. LOL

I remember my mother inviting my sister to leave her house when that girl thought she didn’t want to come home when she was supposed to. My mom wasn’t kidding either. LOL

My mom would slap the fire out us. LOL And I don’t care how whacko you all think I am (LOL) it made me a respectable adult and taught me how to be give respect.