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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

What makes someone marriage material?

I think it’s really interesting that the happy couples I know admit that they did not foresee marriage when they first met. I even remember one couple saying they downright disliked each other upon introduction!

If you can go from utter dislike to tumbling head over heels, I’d say that’s proof positive that we don’t always know what we are looking for in a future partner. Even if we claim to know what makes someone marriage material, would we be able to tell if someone had it or not?

I used to think that anyone who desires to be married is marriage material! Do you think it’s that simple, though?

How do you know if you are marriage material? How do your ideas about love, marriage and what you expect from them play a role in all of this?

428 comments Add your comment

AmazonRed™ - dragging...

January 6th, 2011
10:26 am

I like what Truth said about marriage yesterday…that he would put as much energy into being married as he did into being single.

Yeah, I didn’t have time to praise him for that before he left. But it’s just exciting to see that even the strongest opposers of marriage can see the light! I wish he had been here for the “why get married” topic. :lol:

Mo (aka Moeisha)

January 6th, 2011
10:30 am

Morning All!

Raqi – I didnt feel like speed reading to catch up, so I read the last few posts and caught yours:
“Not every woman that can spread eagle, get knocked up and give birth is good mother material. i.e. Susan Smith. Period. LOL” Oh so true!! Some of the stories I hear from teachers (along with stuff in the news) makes me wonder about people. I feel bad for a lot of these children with crazy ass parents

Leggs

January 6th, 2011
10:35 am

Random Thought (I promise I won’t start where she left off), but why is it that parents who wait at the bus stop with their children don’t invite the other cold kids to sit in their huge vans to wait for the bus? I never understood this.

AmazonRed™ - dragging...

January 6th, 2011
10:38 am

but why is it that parents who wait at the bus stop with their children don’t invite the other cold kids to sit in their huge vans to wait for the bus?

Liability reasons I guess. Some kid to cry molestation, or abduction or any other crazy stories. And witnesses would say, “yeah, she would sit in his car every morning.”

I dunno. :lol:

Leggs

January 6th, 2011
10:40 am

Ok, ARed. :lol: We all know all the kids at the bus stop and many of their parents! But, ok.

AmazonRed™ - dragging...

January 6th, 2011
10:44 am

Just cause you know em, doesn’t mean they can’t be pervs or killers. :lol:

BlackMagicWoman

January 6th, 2011
10:46 am

LEGGS… if I were that parent…or a parent at all I would do it. But I do understand ARED’s point. These days some kids are just scandalous and you can’t even trust them. Sad…but true.

Leggs

January 6th, 2011
10:46 am

That’s why I said “but, ok.” There are more and more kids killing…so, again OK! :lol:

Leggs

January 6th, 2011
10:49 am

@BMW ~ I understand ARed’s point too, but you know me…I cram as many as I can into my car and wait for the bus! And, if anyone should ever tell a lie on me, I’ll gladly go to jail for shooting them myself (J/K).

abc

January 6th, 2011
10:50 am

It doesn’t get that cold here. Maybe once or twice a year it does. Parents that drive their kids to the bus stop are training them to be coddled sissies.

One can’t be that nice to other people’s kids these days, though, for reasons of liability. Ever had the training required to watch kids in the church day care/nursery? Appropriate and inappropriate hugs, even. You can’t really even touch them, lest liability problems ensue, hence insurance and insurability problems.

RebelDiva

January 6th, 2011
10:50 am

Greetings Everyone!

I saw the topic and thought I would chime in. First it seems like Stanley Q is just a little bitter to actually be in marital bliss. Maybe I’m just sensitive because I’m among the “over 30″ group he’s referring to :) Secondly marriage material to me (in my 20’s and 30’s) is a guy who understands that it’s no longer about him it’s about us, knows working is a requirement not an option, doesn’t want me to mother him and is responsible.

Seems elementary, but you would be surprised.

Mo (aka Moeisha)

January 6th, 2011
10:52 am

Leggs – yeah it seems like a nice gesture but these are a different breed of kids these days. Like BMW said, scandalous! Better to be safe than accused

AmazonRed™ - dragging...

January 6th, 2011
10:55 am

There are more and more kids killing…so, again OK!

Well, that’s another reason to keep em out my car! Don’t want them breakin in later for my gadgets! :lol:

SexyCool

January 6th, 2011
10:55 am

I hate to see the kids at the bus stop who aren’t wearing coats or hats or gloves…when it’s 29 degrees with a wind chill.

SexyCool

January 6th, 2011
10:56 am

Especially little kids.

Chelle

January 6th, 2011
11:02 am

@BMA – i do understand your post :)

Celisea

January 6th, 2011
11:09 am

I agree on the liability issue….I wouldn’t do it either.

My daughter was in about the 5th grade and there was an incident reported of a teaching hitting one of the kids. I was called to the school (as all other parents that had kids attending that class). I asked my daugther ahead of the meeting what really happened and she said the class was out of control. By no means does that excuse what’s considered bad behavior from an adult but because of this I was called to the school where some person from the board was sent to investigate and I tell you….I’m glad I was present. When she begin to question my daugther she told her the class was out of control and that she was not hit or injured. I sat about 30 minutes before speaking up. The investigor asked and asked and asked again…to the point of getting the kids to change their stance.

Celisea

January 6th, 2011
11:10 am

Okay…don’t know how that posted…I was removing and redoing

Celisea

January 6th, 2011
11:13 am

What I was trying to say…there was an incident where my daughter was involved in an incident where the teacher was accused of hitting a kid. My daugther said the class was out of control and that she didn’t see hitting. Well they brought in an investigator who questioned each child but was not satisfied with the answers of “no, I wasn’t harmed or hit”….after her drilling for over half an hour, I spoke to her and told her that she seemed to be questioning the kids until their stories changed. She asked the same question over and over until the kids veered from their original version. I stopped the questioning with my child. What she told me intially and what she repeated to the investigor is what had to suffice. I told her that if she got the stories to change and what they said really didn’t happen….it was somebody’s life and career that would be challenged and changed forever. I left…I told her I did not agree with how she handled.

Celisea

January 6th, 2011
11:14 am

All that to say, kids can be snots and liars too….I wouldn’t do anything that could possible put me at risk

Celisea

January 6th, 2011
11:19 am

possibly…not possible

Maybe all my faux pas are an indication that I need to get off this thing

Celisea

January 6th, 2011
11:20 am

are indications…see

Between blogging and looking at rue la la, I should probably get some work done

BlackMagicWoman

January 6th, 2011
11:29 am

LEGGS…I hate to see a child freezing because their parents can’t buy them the clothes that they need. You know…it boggles my mind how you have to have a license to do everything….from driving to selling hotdogs on the streets. But any fool with a functioning set of sex organs and make and have babies. I know you can not police what people do with their bodies entirely. Hell in China they have a limit on kids you can have or you face punishment! My motto is: “if you can’t feed ‘em…don’t breed ‘em”! I get tired of the commercials talking about feed and cloth a child. I feel so bad for the kids. They did not asked to be born. Some parents act like their kids owe them something for having them. NO…it’s the other way around. You chose to bring them into this world whether it be though planning or your own carelessness. Either way you owe them a decent life. You do not have to be RICH and spoil them. But they deserve love, shelter food and clothes and education. They deserve a good start to life. After the grow up…then they are one their own, but not really. A good parent would always be there to guide them. Being a good parent is a hard job. And I applaud those that are!

i'm swiss™ (grasping at straws to get in them draws)

January 6th, 2011
11:30 am

C — Good for you. Unfortunately, I think you’re in the minority these days, which is a big reason why our schools suck: teachers have to walk on egg shells for fear of a law suit or criminal charge if they happen to piss off some bratty punk and his/her parents.

Celisea

January 6th, 2011
11:35 am

i’m swiss – I’m serious, I couldn’t believe she moved beyond their initial versions of what happened. I asked if she realized she was coercing. I had a talk her my daughter after we left. I told her it’s NEVER okay to lie on someone. All I could see was cameras and a news crew hounding a teacher for something she wasn’t guilty of. Having something like that sprayed all over tv would have been a seed planted that she would proabably never been able to live down.

Celisea

January 6th, 2011
11:36 am

teachers have to walk on egg shells for fear of a law suit or criminal charge if they happen to piss off some bratty punk and his/her parents.

Exactly.

Leggs

January 6th, 2011
11:36 am

“It doesn’t get that cold here. (That’s you’re opinion) Maybe once or twice a year it does. Parents that drive their kids to the bus stop are training them to be coddled sissies. (Again, you’re opinion).

I definitely agree with you Mo, different breed of kids.

Leggs

January 6th, 2011
11:41 am

All of you have made some fine points and it’s sad that we can’t even be nice to the children. But, you are right, it only takes one incident to get caught up in a lot of mess!

Kym

January 6th, 2011
11:46 am

Speaking of Children..not that “the boy” deserves it..but I am thinking of taking a family vac to California this year..I really enjoyed San Diego and I want to go to another area of California again this year..but I am planning to take “the boy” so I wonder what area would a teenager not get completely bored in. I was thinking San Francisco..cause I wanted to see the Bay Area..but I know the amusement parks are closer to LA..but I don’t want to see a danggone thang in Hollyweird..

i'm swiss™ (grasping at straws to get in them draws)

January 6th, 2011
11:46 am

“different breed of kids.”

And different breed of parents, too, let’s not forget… When I was a kid, if there was any sort of dispute at school between me and my teachers & my parents were made aware of it — guess who was to blame? Me. Didn’t matter the situation. The teacher was the authority & my job was to submit to that authority (even if the teacher was a dumb@ss) and do whatever I had to do to appease the powers that be and make the grade. Which is pretty good preparation for real life.

Not so much anymore. These days you’re more likely to hear from parents, “oh, you’re not gonna say that to my kid” or “you’re not gonna punish my kid” or “you can’t give my kid that grade,” etc. Well, guess what, that’s why your kid will grow up to be a spoiled, whiny, @sshole.

SlimNumeroUno

January 6th, 2011
11:47 am

BMW – If wannabe parents had to apply for a license to breed, what do you think should be some pertinent questions they would need to answer? Just curious

i'm swiss™ (grasping at straws to get in them draws)

January 6th, 2011
11:54 am

Aw man, I feel a rant coming on… must fight it… must… fight… the urge…. :lol:

Raqi V

January 6th, 2011
11:56 am

Last night the marido and I started getting year-end stuff together for the accountant and were talking about different things. There are some things on the ledger/balance sheet coded clearly as job cost. But then there are other things that get coded in many other different areas that are just the cost of doing business. Some of the obvious are taxes, office supplies and utilities.

But then you have sort of a miscellaneous area that include the purchase of plans/blueprints/schematics that the hub has to buy in order to submit a bid in an attempt to win a contract.

We were mainly talking about how those miscellaneous costs are necessary however the risk that is taken on what the return of investment may or may not be.

Sometimes direct profitable return: The purchase of some of those blueprints yield great returns when the contract is won. The cost of the prints get absorbed.

Sometimes indirect: He does not get the contract but he gets considered for future work.

And sometimes nothing all. No contract and no future however it’s the cost of doing business.

One thing I am learning just dealing in his business is you have to give to get. The getting will sometimes be immediately. But sometimes it will payoff in another way down the line. And then there are the sacrifices that we have to make the gives nothing back more than the effort to stay with it and in business.

Marriages and relationships are the same way. There is great benefit the will come direct and immediate. There are benefits that come over time and helps in maintaining. And there are just things that you have to do for the cost of being part of a duo.

Are yall even still on topic? LOL

Raqi V

January 6th, 2011
11:59 am

Sorry for all the novelettes. LOL

I was up pretty much all night after eating some chicken and dumplings that the godmother brought over yesterday evening. I really appreciate her doing that for us but I was sick as a dog all night so this morning yall got the chatty me from sleep deprivation.

Leggs

January 6th, 2011
12:02 pm

My ace boon coon here at work just got fired. DAMN, DAMN, DAMN! She just sent me a text. WTF did she do?!?!?! I’m on pins and needles waiting to find out what happened. What a way to start 2011!!!

Mo (aka Moeisha)

January 6th, 2011
12:04 pm

Im Swiss – your 11:46 is on point. People dont want you to say a word to their kids and those are the ones that are bad as hell! Then you send them to school and want to blame the teachers because your kid is failing whatever grade (cant read, cant write, can barely speak better than a 3 yr old)! It always amazes me when I hear some parents (not all) complain about school not being open because the parent needs a break. Now if you dont want to keep your own children, why do you think someone else wants to deal with them???

BMW – has to repost “My motto is: “if you can’t feed ‘em…don’t breed ‘em”! Seriously, stop trying to get/keep a man/get a check if you truly do not want kid(s)!

Celisea

January 6th, 2011
12:05 pm

I think we have a different breed of everybody these days..lol I was actually trying to see if I could find a story that was all over Channel 2 last year. My daughter’s curretn Broadcast Video teacher had a hole torn in her frame by a daughter and mother. From what I heard, the teacher retained the student and the mother showed up and they jumped her. Having met this teacher, she’s a good teacher and holds the kids to every letter of her classroom laws as well as the school’s. I’m okay with that. However, I don’t think she knows balance. Last year before the incident occured, at the beginning of the school year, after reading her syllabus I decided to be proactive and send an email that at no time could my daugther stay after school because she’s picked up by our church van (that makes several trips to various schools) but could depend on me being present if ever she needed me for anything…. I provided my work and cell numbers as well as personal and work email addys. This woman calls me all hot and bothered and asked what part didn’t I understand about her syllabus….needless to say I stepped away and broke her off a little bit of bonquesha-ism and handed it to her. Here I am trying to be that one parent she could rely on. I had my daughter taken out of her class. Later that school year she got whipped. My daughter was re-enrolled in her class this year and I went in to meet with her. I feel she’s a good teacher but on some things she’s shooting herself in the foot. Making the kids line up to clock in for a class, which she said herself takes up at least half the session. Why, if you have about 30 active kids that you have to at least get to settle down? If they don’t clock in they’re given a zero for that day. If some of what you require causes more harm then help then kill it. But yeah, she’s got cameras and everything set up. Guess she said she ain’t going down like that again.

Kym

January 6th, 2011
12:05 pm

@Swiss not to be funny but different breed parents raised different breed teachers..and sorry but all teachers are not created equal..there are quite a few teachers who need some lessons on classroom management. Dealing with kids who are out of order is a part of life..and I am not taking up for all parents who have gone toe to toe with teachers..but speaking as a parent who does not have time to parent the teacher and the kid..believe me..it ain’t always the kids.

Celisea

January 6th, 2011
12:07 pm

Mo – I agree

Swiss – Your 11:46….that’s how it was in our house too.

Kym

January 6th, 2011
12:10 pm

@Celisea..I do that every year with my son..here is my cell and email addresses(work and home) if you need to contact me about my son..call or email..the messages comes direct to my crackberry. I attend parent teacher conferences..volunteer at the school etc..I like there to be a face associated with the name.

AmazonRed™ - dragging...

January 6th, 2011
12:11 pm

different breed of kids

I think this is part of the reason more people are opting out of parenting all together. I know I’m willing to, but I’m surprised at how many women I know who don’t want to either.

Cuz even if you have a good kid, you still have to send em out in the world with the others. I read a story on AJC about teens giving blow jobs on the school bus. Even if your kid isn’t doing it, who wants them to be exposed to it?

SexyCool

January 6th, 2011
12:13 pm

Rock – I like where you’re coming from this morning (as usual).

And what really makes all of the give and take and instant and delayed gratification/benefit of it all is having the good fortune to be in a relationship with a person who thinks along those same lines.

I have a gf who understands what it takes to be married who is married to a man who feels like marriage doesn’t require work. For 20 years, she has been doing the majority of the “work” in the marriage and he, for the most part, has just been showing up. I have to say that she is partly to blame for the current state of affairs in her marriage because for so long she just “went along to get along”. Now, she finds herself in a marriage that is not one that she ever would have signed up for, but is the one that she allowed to happen.

Raqi V

January 6th, 2011
12:15 pm

I think we have a different breed of everybody these days..

Celisea, exactly.

When I read this posted by abc (The bride’s vows don’t include “Love, Honor and Negotiate”, nor “Love, Honor, and Compromise”. They are “Love, Honor and Obey”)

I laughed out loud remembering something my friend Deni told me. She said when she and her husband when to pre-marriage counseling with their pastor her husband jokingly asked the pastor why the “obey” was taken out of the marriage vows. She said the pastor told him that the MEN are lacking these days and aren’t what they used to be so the women aren’t made to vow to have to obey them.
A preacher actually said that. LOL

Celisea

January 6th, 2011
12:16 pm

Kym – Me too…for all classes

i'm swiss™ (grasping at straws to get in them draws)

January 6th, 2011
12:17 pm

Kym — No argument there. There are absolutely some buffoons in charge of classrooms out there. But it’s still a question learning to respect authority, even if the person in the position of authority is clueless. What are these kids going to do when they get in the workforce and have an incompetent boss? Call mama? They’ve got to learn to know their role and function within it to the best of their ability, sometimes in spite of poor leadership.

Celisea

January 6th, 2011
12:20 pm

AmazonRed – Even if your kid isn’t doing it, who wants them to be exposed to it?

That’s the truth. I will tell anybody if you’re going to have kids you better be in for the ride because a lot of what they’ll be exposed to is what you’ll have to combat as well as their own snottiness :) And to be realitic about everything. Don’t be a parent that’s delusional and won’t believe your child is capable of doing what the other kids do. The sooner you believe that, the better you’ll teach and the more prepared you’ll be for the reality of the kind of world they’ll have to grow up living in.

Leggs

January 6th, 2011
12:22 pm

@Celisea ~ I remember that mother/daughter tag team on the teacher.

AmazonRed™ - dragging...

January 6th, 2011
12:23 pm

LOL @ Raqi. One of my girlfriends got married and “obey” were in her vows and she had them taken out before the ceremony. :lol:

Celisea

January 6th, 2011
12:24 pm

But it’s still a question learning to respect authority, even if the person in the position of authority is clueless. What are these kids going to do when they get in the workforce and have an incompetent boss?

I’m gonna have to cosign here again. I’m sure somebody would call Social Services in today’s time for the whippings and spanking we got back in the day. My mom had a problem with not respecting authority more than the crime itself. We had an opportunity to speak and tell our side but we got the side eye for most incidents rather than teachers and other adults

Raqi V

January 6th, 2011
12:26 pm

but is the one that she allowed to happen.

Actually, SexyCool. If you let the trash build up it’s gone smell at some time or the other.

Sometimes people deal with some things fearing what they may lose but then later find out the loss is greater 20 years down the line that what it would have been that first year.

One thing you cannot do is borrow out of debt. It will soon catch up to you if you don’t actually work to make money to throw at that deficit. When you are just letting things go you are trying to borrow time hoping it will soon change or get better. But while you are borrowing against time an nothing profitable (i.e. working together) is being fed in you are in worse shape that you started in.

I guess you can tell where my mindset is this morning. LOL