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Saying “I love you”

If you have ever experienced the euphoria of “falling” for someone you probably remember the exact moment when you wanted to tell them. Saying I love you, dropping the L word…it can be a pretty big step. The seconds that follow can pretty much determine the course of how a relationship will proceed.

What do you do when you have said those three words and the person isn’t ready to say them back?

Have you ever had someone tell you they loved you way too early? Why do we get so weirded out when that happens?

What is the best and worst time to say I love you to someone you are dating?

If you are in a relationship, how often do you tell the person you love them?

518 comments Add your comment

bob

January 4th, 2011
8:21 am

I’ve been with a girl for over 3 years now and have yet to tell her I love her because I don’t.

Love is a condition of the heart, it’s not a question of timing.

If you love someone be sure not only to tell them, but to be sure they feel loved. You might not get another chance.

Be sure love isn’t lust. I don’t think it’s possible to fall in love on the first date. You have to know someone to love them.

Jay

January 4th, 2011
8:37 am

The reason why your first love is the best is because you have nothing to compare it to…but once you start dating for awhile you don’t want to get hurt so you hold back never expirencing that feeling again, plus society tells you its too soon to fall in love! The hell with society Love is a feeling explore it and be proud of it when it happens!

kimmie

January 4th, 2011
8:38 am

Good morning blog!

bob – Why are you still with her after 3 years? Does she know you don’t love her? I mean, if it’s a case where the 2 of you know you don’t love each other but still get something out of seeing each other and like things the way they are, cool. If you like it, I love it!

But obviously that’s not the case or you would not have mentioned it. So what gives?

2CPTG©--"that dude from da innanet"

January 4th, 2011
8:44 am

G’morning….

I love me!

SlimNumeroUno

January 4th, 2011
8:59 am

Good morning all

I can’t remember right now if I’ve ever had someone tell me they love me too early…However, I think some folks get a little weirded out when it happens for different reasons…Could be that they do not feel the same way and may feel a bit uncomfortable to have that person express the feeling of love. OR may feel weirded out because the whole love thing comes with great responsibility…it takes things up a notch…it’s not just a matter of playing around because if you care anything about the person who is expressing this emotion to you, you also know this makes them more vulnerable. No one really wants to hurt another person they care about. (not sure if that came out right..still trying to suck down my 1st cup of joe)

As far as what the best or worst time to spill the beans is on a case by case basis. I would say to express a feeling of love only because someone is ready to call it off would probably fall into that ‘bad’ category. However, I say if you feel that way, do it when you feel ready to. But you cannot expect the other person to be on the same level as you at the exact same time.

Chelle

January 4th, 2011
9:10 am

Good morning all have a great day..I TRULY LOVE ME SOME ME! ;)

Mo (aka Moeisha)

January 4th, 2011
9:23 am

Morning All!

Slim – “I would say to express a feeling of love only because someone is ready to call it off would probably fall into that ‘bad’ category. However, I say if you feel that way, do it when you feel ready to. But you cannot expect the other person to be on the same level as you at the exact same time.” Totally agree with you on this one. If the person happens to be feeling the same way then great but most times its not. However I do believe that if that person is into you (and you didnt say ‘i love you’ like two days after meeting them) it wont weird them out

Leggs

January 4th, 2011
9:31 am

Good morning….

I love ME!!

Falling in love should be an easy thing to do when you’re with the right person. If it’s forced, your obviously with the wrong person.

Kym

January 4th, 2011
9:32 am

Good Morning All and Happy New Year!

I don’t think there is really a right time or wrong time to say I love you–if you are serious about that feelin, emotion, sentiment…etc. I do think that those three words get tossed around willy nilly. I mean saying I love you to manipulate the other person we all know that is triffling. I have experienced telling someone I love you only to have my feelings shattered that they didn’t feel the same. No one likes rejection..but I can say that our friendship was forever changed after that moment in time.

I understand Congrats are in order for Ms. Kimmie..she is gonna be a 2011 bride!!! Congrats ladybug!

Celisea

January 4th, 2011
9:33 am

Morning,

I actually like what bob said…..

Love is a condition of the heart, it’s not a question of timing. If you love someone be sure not only to tell them, but to be sure they feel loved.

I’ve been told the “L” word when it wasn’t there and really I can hear and not hear it if you’re just talking to be talking….yes I’ve had a dude to say it and knew absolutely nothing about love. I also had it said to me in truth. Either way I’m not weirded out by it…I’m not spooked by this kind of stuff. I feel though it’s nice to hear but it’s better when it’s known and shown.

czBrat

January 4th, 2011
9:46 am

HiYas!

yup. those three little words came waaaaay too soon for me. especially since we had a very frank discussion day one about keeping things easy-breezy. oh well. that’s what happens when you’re NOT looking for love.

and just OMG on —-> I understand Congrats are in order for Ms. Kimmie..she is gonna be a 2011 bride!!! Congrats indeed, girl!!!

Happy 2011 to one and all! i’ve missed yas :)

Julio Iglesias

January 4th, 2011
9:49 am

“To all the girls I’ve loved before …”

Many people (myself included) tend to “fall” a little too fast, making it tough to hold off on verbally expressing the “L” word. Infatuation, or truley opening your heart to another, can be hard to determine with us types, but I tell ya, it’s a fun ride to be on! Amazing, the emotional difference between infatution/love and heartache, simply awesome! Yeah, can you tell I’ve found a special woman, and that I’m approaching that “I-L-Y” quandry (as she texts me right now)!? She is truly amazing, and I’m a very lucky guy to have her in my life, but … do “I Love Her” yet?

Sassy Me...Je t'aime :-)

January 4th, 2011
9:50 am

I feel though it’s nice to hear but it’s better when it’s known and shown.

That’s a very nice sentiment.

I love hard and am not quick to rush into something that serious too quickly. That being said, I believe you should express those feelings when you’re ready and that it should never be forced. Luckliy I’ve never been told that in jest or by someone I barely know…it’s always been in a relationship where the love has been shown and felt….then said.

kimmie

January 4th, 2011
9:55 am

Thanks Kym!

I feel though it’s nice to hear but it’s better when it’s known and shown.

Celisea – I like that.

We’ve agreed on here many times that “actions speak louder than words”. But I don’t assume and I can’t read minds. Sometimes it’s hard to decipher if someone is just being nice or if they are being extra kind to you because they have deeper feelings. So I need to here it to be sure. Otherwise I’m going to think you’re just being nice.

As far as saying it first, I did that once in my college days. He said it back to me but later recinded the statement. After that, I never said it first again. I’ve never been in a situation where a guy said it to me & I did not feel the same. I don’t let things get that far with someone I’m not feeling.

As for saying it too soon, I have not had a guy say I love you too soon, but I have had a few that were too eager. Only known me for a few weeks and already making long-term plans. That type of stuff definitely will make one uncomfortable.

kimmie

January 4th, 2011
9:56 am

Thanks Brat!

Sassy Me...Je t'aime :-)

January 4th, 2011
10:00 am

Only known me for a few weeks and already making long-term plans.

That would make me look for the door and think you have some kind of hidden agenda. I’ve never rushed into love cause once I’m in..I’m in so I like to take my time and just do what feels right. If it’s true and genuine then it’s not going to dissipate over night.

Raqi V

January 4th, 2011
10:01 am

Happy New Year to everyone.

Do you mean how often do I utter the words “I love you”? Not as often as many would think. However, neither of us have any doubt about the love we have for and toward each other. We show that love each and every day.

I think I do love much better than I can say it. Heck I iron the man’s boxers. That’s love? Right? LOL

He brought my breakfast to me in bed this morning because I am a little under the weather. And called in a sitter to tend to the little one so I can stay put. He put the phone and remote on my nightstand for my convenience. Love? To me yes. He wouldn’t bring me my computer though. I had to have the sitter get it for me. LOL

While love is truly an action word it does not hurt to hear it and say it every now and then.

I don’t think there is such thing as saying it too soon. Although many confuse that ‘feeling’ of strong lust and infatuation with love but even then say it. Then live up to it.

Raqi V

January 4th, 2011
10:13 am

I remember so clearly the first time my marido spoke those words to me. My response was to look away. Not because I didn’t love him, I did love him a lot. But because I was scared. Yep I was afraid to own my own feeling and to receive his.

I very shortly after that owned up to what I knew was real and just put it out there. But I must admit there were a few times I could feel my heart trying to crawl back into that shell. I thought at one time he hid the shell but I found out he crushed it under his feet and swept it out the door. LOL

Speak love, do love, make love.

Kimmy

January 4th, 2011
10:14 am

I think you should say it whenever you are ready. How you feel is not contingent on if they love you also. The problem is people throw the word around to easily or use it to gain advances in the relationship.

Lucinda

January 4th, 2011
10:16 am

Happy New Year everybody!

Love is a verb — it requires action. Yes, it is also a feeling, but if that feeling is not supported by action, it’s probably infatuation or lust or something other than Love. If you Love somebody, show them by the way you treat them, your behavior, your deeds. Do that first. Then, say the words. It carries a lot more weight that way because you have shown you really understand what it means.

And yes, I am still with my fabulous man.

And yes, we have said the “L” word and say it almost every day. More importantly, he shows me its real by the way he behaves. Love is good.

Sassy Me...Je t'aime :-)

January 4th, 2011
10:19 am

Kimmie I didn’t have a chance to express my congratulations to you on your engagement and to tell you how sweet the story about your proposal was. It read like something right out of a Christmas movie I think it’s wonderful! Cheers to all of you!

Kym

January 4th, 2011
10:20 am

I have come to realize that menfolk are more do-ers than speakers when it comes to love..I bought you snowtires..fixed your water heater..and brought you a Big Mac..Damn I love you gurl!!!…LOL.

kimmie

January 4th, 2011
10:22 am

Sassy – Thank you, I kinda tear up every time I tell someone or think about it!

AmazonRed™ - loves love

January 4th, 2011
10:26 am

Morning all -

Yes, I’ve had someone who said it to me too early. And looking back, I think it was all apart of “game.” Anywhoo, I couldn’t and didn’t say it back yet. He continued to tell me and I respected the fact that he said it, even if I wasn’t saying it in return.

Well, a few weeks later, we were getting off the phone and he said “I love you” and in reflex I said “I love you too.”

It’s very hard for me to say it first. I don’t know why really, maybe because I think it’s easier for a woman to fall in love, so if a man says it first, he usually really means it. I don’t know. I’ve loved guys whom I’ve never told.

BlackMagicWoman

January 4th, 2011
10:28 am

Good morning all…..

I have loved but I have never been in love. There is a wall that I must keep up in order to protect myself. . I’ve gotten hurt really badly with just loving a guy. I can not imagine how I would react to being hurt by someone who I am in love with. I would say the closest I have been to that is infatuation. Sometimes it’s something in that person that you are just caught up in. It could be looks (that gets me all the time…I know it’s shallow…don’t judge me :lol: ), it could be their intelligence (gosh a smart man gets me too). It could be their demeanor (have you feeling like Rhianna, “feel like the only girl in the world”). It could be the way that always seem to make you laugh, no matter what is going wrong. It could be security (you feel so safe around this person for whatever reason). I mean so many things….shared commonalities, the list goes on. As for my ex, I was attracted to his physical aspects (tall, muscular, sexy as all hell). But then I got to know him and what made me fall for him was no longer his looks, it was knowing his life story and what he came from and how he got to have that same ambition and drive as I do for a dream. In fact…he may have more. But all that made me go from like to love to infatuation.

Now I have had my share of stalkers. So Iknow there is no time limit on when one begins to love another. But seriously if we just met a week ago and you are already telling me that you know I’d make pretty babies….that send up the RED FLAG! :shock:

Sassy Me...Je t'aime :-)

January 4th, 2011
10:30 am

I would,too Kimmie…hell I needed a hug yesterday just reading it so I can only imagine how it would feel to re-tell the story and not be affected. That’s a story that will never get old and what’s even better the kids can share/tell it,too.

Yes M’aam…right out of a movie…

SlimNumeroUno

January 4th, 2011
10:35 am

Ladies don’t lie…doesn’t it make you feel a little special when a guys mentions something about you and his baby as far as in the future goes? (not a week after yall met tho of course lol)

AmazonRed™ - loves love

January 4th, 2011
10:39 am

The reason why your first love is the best is because you have nothing to compare it to…but once you start dating for awhile you don’t want to get hurt so you hold back never expirencing that feeling again

This is so true. At least for me. My first love was all wrong for me, but he loved me so fiercely, it was a wonderful experience.

Mo (aka Moeisha)

January 4th, 2011
10:40 am

BMW – “But seriously if we just met a week ago and you are already telling me that you know I’d make pretty babies….that send up the RED FLAG! ” LMAO!! Right!!

Kym – in reference to your 10:20, i agree. I see it with the men in my family all the time. My ex hubby was a rarity as he was about half-n-half. I have heard a number of times some male friends say “I did XYZ for her so she should know I love her, i dont do that for just anyone”

Celisea

January 4th, 2011
10:43 am

Ladies don’t lie…doesn’t it make you feel a little special when a guys mentions something about you and his baby as far as in the future goes?

I had a dude I was seeing to call one morning and say “you ain’t gonna believe this (and I thought ‘probably not’…lol), last night I dreamed about you…we had a baby together.” I didn’t get the warm fuzzies because I frankly think he thought so much on getting some that frankly it transferred over into his subconcious….or he was lying…lol

Celisea

January 4th, 2011
10:44 am

We had been dancing around that thing for a loooooong time…I think he was READY…but no, didn’t feel special…AT ALL….lol

Celisea

January 4th, 2011
10:45 am

Lucinda – I like your 10:16

kimmie

January 4th, 2011
10:46 am

Slim – It used to make me feel special when I was young and didn’t know any better. I overheard my brothers talking about that very thing. They were discussing what their college buddies were saying, about how guys would say that kind of stuff to mess with the girl. It would give her false hope when he really didn’t have any future intentions with her at all.

Just about every guy I’ve been serious with has mentioned that kind of stuff, but no real plans were made so I never took them serious.

I can be such a pessimist sometimes. A defense mechanism I guess.

SlimNumeroUno

January 4th, 2011
10:46 am

Your first loves tend to have you WIDE AZZ OPEN because you have not yet been tainted by previous hurts etc so you are free to let yourself be vulnerable. However, after you get the high up climbing up that mountain, jumping over the edge and hit that water 40mph you tend to be sure that if you ever jump again that it won’t be from that high up again. No one wants to jump w/their S.O only to realize when you get to the bottom that their azz is still standing up top looking down at cha like “You big dummy” (in my Fred Sanford voice) lol

i'm swiss™

January 4th, 2011
10:49 am

“frankly think he thought so much on getting some that frankly it transferred over into his subconcious”

Celisea — Did I understand this correctly? Dude threw out the “we had a baby” dream before getting in your drawers? If so… uh, yeah, that’s the dating version of the “Hail Mary” :lol: Ol’ boy was grasping at straws to get in your draws… ;-) :lol:

AmazonRed™ - loves love

January 4th, 2011
10:50 am

doesn’t it make you feel a little special when a guys mentions something about you and his baby as far as in the future goes?

Ew no. Because I’m side eyeing the hell out of anyone who mentions a baby before a marriage. Being a baby mama is not a romantic notion to me.

Sassy Me...Je t'aime :-)

January 4th, 2011
10:51 am

doesn’t it make you feel a little special when a guys mentions something about you and his baby as far as in the future goes?

Me personally no…and that’s because I didn’t/don’t want to have any. But, the only way I would concede on that is if I were in a serious relationship with or married to someone who didn’t have any children and we came to that decision together.

Leggs

January 4th, 2011
10:52 am

@BMW ~ I feel you. I’ve in love once, not sure if I’m capable of giving myself like that again. I sure would love to try, but it hasn’t happened yet.

@Lucinda ~ Yes indeed, love is an action. You can you love me all up and down the boulevard for all I can. But, if your actions tell me something different than the words I’m hearing I will pay more attention to the action. I never fully understood how so many hear the words “I Love You” and rest their laurels on those 3 words. Next thing you know, you hear of someone having a black eye, lying in the hospital saying, he didn’t mean this because he told me he still loves me! Sorry, veered a little from my original thought!!

i'm swiss™

January 4th, 2011
10:52 am

Slim — I’m sorry, chica, but I’m gonna have to issue you a citation for using the words “wide azz” and “taint” in the same post this early in the day. Someone could get hurt… :lol:

SlimNumeroUno

January 4th, 2011
10:53 am

Celisea – ha ha ha…just wanted to get some…lol

kimmie – a pessimist yet recently engaged. Are you having Debbie Downer thoughts about that as well then? Everything doesn’t have to be doom & gloom even though it may feel that way at times ;-)

Leggs

January 4th, 2011
10:54 am

Damn, that’s some piss poor typing!!

SlimNumeroUno

January 4th, 2011
10:58 am

‘grasping at straws to get in your draws’

swiss – sounds like the next Auto-tunes song…you been hanging out with T-pain again? hehehehe

BlackMagicWoman

January 4th, 2011
11:00 am

SLIM…I cosign your 12:46! It frightens me that men can tell you any and everything for their own selfish reasons (sex, greed, pure a$$holishness, etc.) and not mean any of it. Therefore messing up a woman’s natural emotions. Now it’s womem need to think like man..but don’t act like one. How about the men start acting like real grown a$$ men and be real, You wanna h0 around..by all means, do you. But be honest with your intentions. You are creating a scorned woman who in turn will not be able to treally trust or love a decent man should he ever come along. Don’t tell her I am looking for a relationship one minute….then all of a sudden you are “not sure” what you want or “i’m not ready for a relationship. Now of course if you are honest, that will cut down on the notches on your bedpost. But as least you are not contributing to the problem by being a liar and hurting someone who wants more than what you want. Stop leading with your d*ck and lead with the head on your shoulders. Know from the start if you do want or do not want to be in a relationship. If you have that woman that you are selfishly holding onto…do both of you a favor and release her. Let her find the one who does want her and does deserve her love. One day….it could it be your daughter that some man is selfishly using!

i'm swiss™

January 4th, 2011
11:02 am

“you been hanging out with T-pain again”

Slim — Yes I have. On a M… F… BOAT!

;-) :lol:

Raqi V

January 4th, 2011
11:03 am

I bought you snowtires..fixed your water heater..and brought you a Big Mac..Damn I love you gurl!!!…LOL

Kym, ain’t that the truth. LOL And you too Mo.

I can see their POV but it doesn’t hurt to say it sometimes. LOL

We all know there are many men that use “love” when it’s far from what’s real, so having a guy act out the love he feels is a treasured gift.

Don’t sit and tell me you love me but you won’t get your lazy behind up and get something as simple as a glass of water.

Celisea

January 4th, 2011
11:03 am

Swiss – Celisea Did I understand this correctly? Dude threw out the “we had a baby” dream before getting in your drawers? If so… uh, yeah, that’s the dating version of the “Hail Mary” Ol’ boy was grasping at straws to get in your draws…

Yeah…absolutely. I was like man please…I just let him talk. “grasping for strawers at getting the drawers”….lol

Slim – Celisea – ha ha ha…just wanted to get some…lol

Yeah, he was reaching…lol

Raqi V

January 4th, 2011
11:06 am

I cosign your 12:46! It frightens me that men can tell you any and everything for their own selfish reasons (sex, greed, pure a$$holishness, etc.) and not mean any of it.

BlackMagic, I agree. But we all know and hear of situations when they are on the receiving end of that same behavior some of them can’t handle it and start shooting, stabbing and burning down houses.

Raqi V

January 4th, 2011
11:09 am

The only time my hub mentioned babies before we married was when we were discussing the fact (fact..LMBO) that I had all that I cared to have. His response was “but we would make really cute babies” to which I said “ain’t gon happen!!!”.

Celisea

January 4th, 2011
11:09 am

I cosign your 12:46! It frightens me that men can tell you any and everything for their own selfish reasons (sex, greed, pure a$$holishness, etc.) and not mean any of it.

I agree….selfishness and greed motivates and fuels a whole bunch of going nowhere real fast.

ChocolateDesire

January 4th, 2011
11:09 am

I been in love once, but it was a long time ago. I don’t know if it was love the love being with you or being in love with you. There’s a difference I can love being with a person, but not being in love with them. Being in love is totally different because you live and breathe thinking about that person. Almost feeling like you can’t live without this person (not in a killing way, but can’t breathe kinda way.