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Archive for January, 2011

Are you vetting your dates?

If you have found yourself sitting across the table looking at your date as if he had for heads, you may need to ask yourself an important question, “How did this happen?!” When this thought crosses your mind on a consistent basis, you should definitely reevaluate your “vetting” techniques.

A lot of us have busy schedules and lives. This leaves few precious hours to meet and screen dates, but it’s worth the time and effort to do so! If you already know that you would not get along well with a young, gun-toting, scripture quoting guy, then do NOT agree to take your get the number of your church member’s brother.

I’m not suggesting you rule out people based your unrealistic “ridiculists” of what you want. However, you know yourself well enough to narrow down potential dates using reason and logic.

What do you do to vet potential dates? If the person is a referral, do you find out the basic information that places them in potentially great date category?

If you meet someone …

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Dating men and their complex egos

One of our great male readers mentioned the male ego (Thanks For Real!) and it reminded me why I love this blog. Part of my fascination with blogging on Misadventures in Atlanta is learning more about men. I am still on that quest to understand the male psyche, behavioral patterns, and the male ego!

Here’s what I know about male egos: it’s powerful, important to understand for a peaceful relationship, and it’s not solely based in sex. Here’s what I don’t know about male egos: how do I manage (stroke?) it and co-exist with it (happily) – especially with my own, equally complex, female ego. I don’t know if it’s a huge problem for me in dating but in relationships I think it can be.

What do you understand about the male ego? Ladies, what did you learn about them from the men in your lives? Are you ever confused by a man’s ego?

Guys, what is the best advice you can give women to handle your egos? Do you think women try to manipulate or control your egos?

What role does it play …

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Liquid courage required to date?

There are a lot of “social crutches” people tend to lean on in dating these days. Some people seem to think that they need alcohol to help them feel at ease. I think this is partly why a bar can be a bad place to meet someone for the first time. You don’t know if you are getting a really good “sober” representation of their personality (Let’s not forget beer goggles).

To be honest, drinking doesn’t always give you liquid courage. It can actually change your personality…for the worse. It’s amazing to meet people who have gone through life not realizing that when they drink too much their behavior is awful.

What is your drinking policy for dating? Do you date drinkers?

Do you limit your alcohol intake when you are on a date?

Has anyone ever told you that you behave differently when you have had a couple of drinks?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

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Take benefits out of ‘Friends with benefits’?

I was sick all weekend so I didn’t venture out to see the latest romantic comedy, No Strings Attached. I was looking forward to seeing Hollywood’s latest take on: boy meets girl/two people pretending that casual sex is totally fun. I figured it could be highly entertaining, even if just for the hottie quotient with Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman.

I think one of the biggest misconceptions about casual hook-ups and no strings attached relationships is that this kind of thing is easy to set up. I don’t think it is. I am not sure it should be, though. Sidebar: Do married people ever assume that you have some outrageous sex life because you are free to hit the singles buffet?

I won’t argue for or against FWB arrangements but I am curious about the so called benefits of them. When you don’t have a desire to be in a relationship but you want physical needs met, how much work/effort do you put into making it work for you?

Perhaps I am over thinking here, but when there is no …

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Break-up or get married?

I remember back in high school when I was dating my first love senior year. Everyone would say that we were either going to break up or get married. I remember it so vividly because it became a serious source of anxiety for me. After graduation, we didn’t break up or get married. We kept dating. Yes, that’s right. Door number 3 ..that nobody bothered to mention. I don’t know how I let people work me into a frenzy about stuff that was going to happen in the future!

I can see that little has changed though. I have noticed a couple of friends who have been dating a little over two years and already the chatter circling around dropping the “break up or get married” hints. I don’t think things are that simple. Maybe I’m being naive. We talked long-term potential yesterday, but should you know by the second year of dating if the person is right for you?

Does it always come down to breaking up or getting married? What’s behind door number 3?

What do you think is a realistic and …

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Playing for keeps: Long-term potential important?

The dating scene in Atlanta can feel about as solid as a Krispy Kreme donut some days. The fact is, there are plenty of single people mixing and mingling with each other. We meet. We flirt. We swap numbers. Yada yada yada. But how many of them have long-term potential?

Yes, I know long-term is not the sexiest word to those of you who have an aversion to commitment. It’s like this scary word that you barely want to utter around people who “are out to have a good time” or keep it light.

Well, dating “light” is great for a while, no pressure, no expectations. I have nothing against fun and light, really? I just know that at some point you figure out that the Mr/Miss Right Now can slowly become The One. Especially after you two have spent significant time together. You didn’t plan it, it just sort of naturally happened. So now what?

How do you figure out when someone has long-term potential if you didn’t really bother checking for it in the beginning?

Do you consider …

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Superficial side of the dating game

The last decade has seen a huge surge in plastic surgery and other body enhancing (distorting?) procedures. It’s not just the ladies who spend money on cosmetic procedures either.

How do you think this has changed the way we see each other on the dating scene? I read somewhere that guys are no longer into the “plastic” look. Does this mean natural is back in style?

I remember seeing pictures of a young man I was seeing that were only taken three years before I met him. I didn’t even recognize him! He had a completely different nose and an extra 30 lbs on his frame. What a difference a gym membership and a nose contour makes.

I thought of how much I adored his wit and sense of humor and wondered if he needed to change his looks to showcase these qualities.

It’s impossible to say for sure, and I never asked him about his slightly drastic changes to his face. I just wonder if he saw himself differently, which made him feel confident enough to present his personality to …

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Dating dilemma: Taken but tempted

Timing is everything in dating. You can go for extended periods of time being single or on a serious dating drought. The moment you meet someone wonderful and start something exclusive, something shifts. You’re suddenly meeting a variety of people who seem to have all that you were looking for all along! So how do you handle it?

Have you ever been in a new relationship and randomly met someone else that appeared to be a better match? You’re taken, but man, are you tempted! Do you think that is a sign that you’re probably not as committed as you thought?

What do you do when you feel a strong attraction to someone after you become involved with your partner? Would you risk it to find out if you really are meant to be with your sweet temptation or do you stay fully committed to your relationship?

In a semi-related question: Do you think it’s possible to be in love with two people?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Blog

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Will you need a prenup?

A couple got engaged over the holidays and the topic of a prenup came up recently. People seem to have varying opinions on what prenups “represent” and how it reflects on the relationship. I would not have problems signing one – after having a lawyer look it over, of course; and I don’t believe it means that you are expecting the marriage not to last.

A lot of single women are earning more money than the men they marry so I think prenups have become less taboo to women. If you have a problem bringing up the topic of prenups, you probably shouldn’t be getting married.

It’s probably not a romantic or “fairy tale” part of being engaged but at the very least, the question can be addressed to find out where your partner stands. How do you know if you need a prenup? Would you have a problem signing one? How do you broach the subject?

At what point do you talk about your income with someone you are dating? Or should you bring it up at all prior to getting engaged?

By Wise Diva, …

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Bad dating habits you should change this year

I got a stern talking to from my male friends about the bad dating habits that I, and apparently women in Atlanta, should stop immediately. I did not like hearing it. I’m still a little bit salty about the “male intervention” but I promised I would do a dating blog PSA. Perhaps a little tough love could make a difference!

Bad habit #1 Comparing men to your father. Good or bad. Some women adore their fathers and want their men to spoil them like Dad did/does. Then there are women who had awful fathers and believe all men are just like their no-good fathers. Regardless, the men you date should not be unfairly compared or harshly judged by unrealistic expectations. The truth is, all Dads are men/human so they made/make mistakes too.

Bad habit# 2 Judging men by where they are in life. My friends tell me that men feel a huge amount of pressure to be successful. Men won’t go around broadcasting to women that they had setbacks in their past. Who knows what they have already …

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