Boomerang: When BAD dating karma finds you
I think every single woman needs a male friend. It’s one of the most enlightening relationships you can have because it gives you a chance to see men in a unfiltered, uncensored state. My guy friends are fairly candid with me about what they feel, how they deal, and the way they think. It has saved me a boatload of therapy to know them!
When they are going through a tough break up, I try to be supportive. I have seen them in their player days when they didn’t care so much about heartbreak they caused. I have also witnessed the moment when they realize that a female has “their nose wide open” and they are vulnerable for the first time ever.
This is when they get a little taste of what women go through. Men deal with breakups differently then we do but they definitely feel it as deeply as we do, especially when cheating was involved!
How do men deal with break-ups? From what I can tell, a lot of booze and sport fixation. They begin to meet as many women as possible to forget the one that betrayed him. Of course, this doesn’t do anything but distract them temporarily.
Have you ever watched someone who was a player suddenly get a little taste of what they put others through? Were you a heart breaker that seemed to get a little of that heartbreak back in one bad breakup or relationship?
What did you learn when you bad karma caught up to you? Do you think it changed how you handled dating after that experience?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Blog
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443 comments Add your comment
Leggs ~ Just Like You (Sapphire CD)
December 28th, 2010
1:46 pm
@SexyC ~
I like orange and grape. Come sit down. My date would love to talk to the both of us outside watching the people go by.
I am whatever you say I am
December 28th, 2010
1:48 pm
Two pennies: dude has some qualities I like in a mate and other qualities I can do without.
Right now, I’m just having fun enjoying his company. No, I am not sleeping with him.
Leggs ~ Just Like You (Sapphire CD)
December 28th, 2010
1:52 pm
@I am ~ how do you go from “needing some so badly” you’re about to scream to not sleeping with dude who has a working part and wants to be with you and you’re liking some of his qualities? Just asking…
mytw♥cents
December 28th, 2010
1:52 pm
SEXXY I wait with bated breath for the answer. (Prolly gon pass out hahahaaaaa!)
Delight23...resolving early
December 28th, 2010
1:54 pm
Delight When did Atlanta get so uppity?
Um, what’s decent to some is getting by to others. By the time one maxes out their deductions, pays mortgage (not rent) in a market where home values have yet to bottom out, sets aside property taxes, HOA fees, water, electric (or gas with monopolistic rates) day to day upkeep (lawncare,appliance upkeep) insurance (health, home and auto), food, gas, clothing, etc. just how much “disposable” income are you looking at for entertainment for two?
If Blockbuster and Pizza Hut works, then Kudos. I like to travel and am working on some foreign investment property. $60K ain’t covering all of that. TRUST.
mytw♥cents
December 28th, 2010
1:55 pm
I AM Of course, I’ve been MIA so I don’t know the history, but he didn’t seem to have more Pros than Cons. So if the qualities you like are not specific to him and the ones you don’t outweigh, is it more about just getting an attention fix or are you really tryna give him a chance? And are they one in the same to you?
Purple Rain
December 28th, 2010
1:57 pm
I Am, you have a guy on the way over and you are here with us still. Nope you do not think to much of him. LOL
I am whatever you say I am
December 28th, 2010
1:57 pm
Leggs: just because I have moments when I feel like hunching does not mean I actually act on it.
I sorta kinda made a vow that I wouldn’t hunch unless I was married but wouldn’t punish myself if i did it as long as I was in a committed relationship.
After being saved (I was saved in July) it’s been hard for me to go thru with the act of hunching.
Fion
December 28th, 2010
1:57 pm
Delight23_ hey i need an accountant. Wondered where my money was going! lol
RUserious
December 28th, 2010
1:58 pm
I have few guy friends, and if what they tell me about men is true;I will continue to stay single!
SexyCool
December 28th, 2010
1:59 pm
Does he know that you are not that into him? Or is he hanging out thinking you have the potential to be all in?
I am whatever you say I am
December 28th, 2010
2:00 pm
my two pennies: I’m just trying to sit back and observe on this situation with dude. I’ve known him for awhile but didn’t start hanging with him till recently.
There’s something about him that’s a deal breaker in terms of being serious with him.
I will not disclose that to him because I don’t want a representative to appear.
i want him to figure this out on his own and make changes on his own free will.
I am whatever you say I am
December 28th, 2010
2:02 pm
Sexy cool: I could be wrong but I have a feeling that he is waiting for me to cave in.
don’t get me wrong, dude is a nice guy and I have a lot of fun with him.
I don’t know if it’s enough to take it to the next level though.
Leggs
December 28th, 2010
2:02 pm
@I am ~ I hear what your saying, hmmmm, OK.
SexyCool
December 28th, 2010
2:03 pm
RUSerious – what kind of guys are you around that make you want to swear off men?!? If your male friends are *that* horrible, maybe you need to get some new ones.
Fion
December 28th, 2010
2:03 pm
I am_ Now I I know I’m missed up, but I can’t make that make sense in my own mind.
Leggs
December 28th, 2010
2:03 pm
But if he makes the necessary “changes” will that take him out of “deal breaker” status?
SexyCool
December 28th, 2010
2:04 pm
Okay, now you’re sounding like you may, possibly, could, kinda, ALMOST be into him after all.
Fion
December 28th, 2010
2:04 pm
Dam! Dam! Dam! (Florida Evans voice)
Delight23...resolving early
December 28th, 2010
2:06 pm
Delight23_ hey i need an accountant. Wondered where my money was going! lol
Shoot, Fion I wish I could open up some offshore account cuz nobody’s paying isht over here. Investments are just stagnant. Da h3ll I’m suppose to do with a 1.75% return on bal of $15K-$50K in cash??!! Liquid! Not portion tied up in CD’s and Bonds. The Money Market piece.
2CPTG©--"that dude from da innanet"
December 28th, 2010
2:09 pm
Leggs…nice categories….perhaps you should post ‘em again tomorrow, so folks can digest ‘em….
and I am…….you’ve been saved since July? interesting.
Sassy Me..If you ask me I'm ready:-)
December 28th, 2010
2:10 pm
now you’re sounding like you may, possibly, could, kinda, ALMOST be into him after all.
ummm sorta…
I will not disclose that to him because I don’t want a representative to appear.
i want him to figure this out on his own and make changes on his own free will.
Talk about mixed signals…how is he supposed to know and correct the situation if he doesn’t know. It’s like you’re expecting him to read your mind and that’s not fair.
Fion
December 28th, 2010
2:11 pm
Delight23_ you wait to QE2 hits and you’ll see under 1% on cash.
SlimNumeroUno
December 28th, 2010
2:11 pm
Are we allowed to vote for ourselves in as many categories, regardless if they apply to us or not? lol
Purple Rain
December 28th, 2010
2:13 pm
Slim, how is your male friend situation going?
Leggs
December 28th, 2010
2:16 pm
@2C ~ thanks. Yeah, I’ll repost in the early part of the day because I won’t be on the blog after 12 noon tomorrow. But, will be back on Thursday to give the results.
SexyCool
December 28th, 2010
2:16 pm
Who is certifying the results? What does the trophy look like? Will there be ceremony swag bags given out?
Is there a dress code?
How much time for acceptance speeches?
Who the mc’ing the show?
Leggs
December 28th, 2010
2:17 pm
@SlimNU ~ put it this way, I voted for myself in a couple of the categories (LOL)
I am whatever you say I am
December 28th, 2010
2:17 pm
yes, if he makes the necessary changes, that takes him out of deal breaker status
Fion
December 28th, 2010
2:17 pm
I am_ i’m throwing the flag on you. # 00 is ejected and ordered to leave the field of play!
Sassy Me..If you ask me I'm ready:-)
December 28th, 2010
2:18 pm
if he makes the necessary changes, that takes him out of deal breaker status
But how can he correct something he has no knowledge of?
I am whatever you say I am
December 28th, 2010
2:19 pm
Sassy Me:
I don’t want a guy to change just in hopes that I will be with him, then once he gets me he’s back to old ways.
If he discusses with me that he wants to take things to another level, then I may bring it up.
right now, it’s too premature
Leggs
December 28th, 2010
2:19 pm
No dress code since I will be in my pjs. One short post for acceptance speech (3 sentences only).
The trophy will be a mental one. Just pleasure in knowing what your blog peers, oops, bloggers think of you.
Purple Rain
December 28th, 2010
2:19 pm
I Am, so he has a deal breaker quality that he doesn’t know about but if it changes then it is no longer a deal breaker? C’mon man, you are crazy. LOL What if it just changes for a short time or something. LOL. Congrats on faith since July, remember the road is a hard one so don’t beat yourself up if you slip and fall a few times
Leggs
December 28th, 2010
2:21 pm
“There’s something about him that’s a deal breaker in terms of being serious with him.” You made this sound definitive. Now, you’re saying you can work with him if he changes…THEN TELL HIM!!!
I am whatever you say I am
December 28th, 2010
2:21 pm
In my aunt esther voice to Fion: Well fugggggggggggggggggg you!!!!
Purple Rain
December 28th, 2010
2:21 pm
I AM, your new male friend wears Pajama Jeans doesn’t he? I don’t blame you for that being a deal breaker
Fion
December 28th, 2010
2:21 pm
Again (Florida Evans voice) “Dam! Dam! Dam!”
Delight23...resolving early
December 28th, 2010
2:22 pm
uggghh…blog monster got me.
I am whatever you say I am
December 28th, 2010
2:23 pm
Purple: people change. Meaning that one day , the thing he does now may not be what he does in the future.
If people looked at me the same way as 10 years ago, there would be no hope for me.
I’m not that same person.
The only thing that remains constant is change
Celisea
December 28th, 2010
2:23 pm
Congrats on faith since July, remember the road is a hard one so don’t beat yourself up if you slip and fall a few times
Amen here and just a repeat…being saved ain’t hard the dealing with and in the flesh ain’t no cake walk…stand strong “sister”
Leggs
December 28th, 2010
2:23 pm
Well damn! What if he wakes up one morning and realizes this particular trait in his personality is a negative one and rectifies it. What happens when its replaced with another deal breaker in your eyes?
Delight23...resolving early
December 28th, 2010
2:23 pm
Delight23...resolving early
December 28th, 2010
2:24 pm
Best bet right are your non-traditional brick and mortars.
Purple Rain
December 28th, 2010
2:24 pm
Where is Swiss so he can sing some Night Ranger with me?
Sister Christian
Oh, the time has come And you know That you’re the only one to say Okay..Where you going…What you looking for..You know those boys…Don’t want to play no more..With you it’s true
You’re mooootoorinnnnggggggggg
What’s your price for flightIn finding mister righ…tYou’ll be all right tonight
DreamsMaterialize
December 28th, 2010
2:25 pm
No, I am not sleeping with him.
I am well since you ain’t dressed yet and he’s on his way over, you might as well gon’ ‘head and get that outta the way. lol
$60K ain’t covering all of that. TRUST.
Delight Hmmmm, I can attest that LESS than $60k can cover all that and some. When I finished grad school, I worked for the Air Force in California (way more expensive than Atlanta) making about $50k, and I owned a home, had two paid for vehicles, traveled, invested (stocks, mutual funds, 401k), and I was very active on the LA dating scene. I never had to eat Pizza Hut because I usually cooked, but I could eat out when I wanted. I also maintained my own lawn instead of paying someone to do it. No HOA fees because I did the legwork to find a nice neighborhood where they didn’t have any. If someone is making $60k-$80k in Atlanta and just getting by, then they need to come see me…let me put them on the right path. I won’t even charge…much. lol
Leggs
December 28th, 2010
2:26 pm
@I am ~ seriously, he may not even know it’s a deal breaker. If you see he wants to be with him, let him know. If he changes, it may not be just for you. He may also see the light and change for himself because going forward it may still hinder him in the eyes of another (even if you’re not the right one for him).
SexyCool
December 28th, 2010
2:28 pm
I used to think that way. “Don’t tell a dude what you’re looking for and he will become that dude.”
However, if you are clear upfront what your expectations are, then a person has an opportunity to make a decision about whether or not they are willing or even able to meet those expectations.
I mean, you wouldn’t take a job without knowing the job description, would you? And you wouldn’t be on that job without knowing with criteria upon which your performance will be reviewed….at least not if you want to be a good employee, right?
Communicating with a person about your relationship needs should be done. It is then up to you to keep a reign on your emotions and avoid jumping in before they have been proven, qualified.
Perhaps, you should tell dude what the deal is. Then, take the opportunity to perform your due diligence, should he be willing to accomodate your request.
Purple Rain
December 28th, 2010
2:28 pm
I AM, you are in a spiritual vs flesh paradigm…old mind vs new mind, I will pray for you darling
Jay Z does not know what to do with Beyonce, she needs to come spend some time with “The Rain”. LOL That Vizio commercial with her in it has me wanting to spend some time with her!
Sassy Me..If you ask me I'm ready:-)
December 28th, 2010
2:28 pm
I don’t want a guy to change just in hopes that I will be with him, then once he gets me he’s back to old ways.
How do you know he’s going to do that? You’re setting this dude up for failure already. So what if he changes for real and on the up and up then what….another hoop to jump through. Usually if you genuinely care about someone and WANT to be with them then you’ll let them know that there’s something bothering you. But it sounds like you’re gonna lay in the cut and watch him eff up or something…
You made this sound definitive. Now, you’re saying you can work with him if he changes…THEN TELL HIM!!!
Ditto…
Either way do what works best for you…hopefully he won’t get tired of you being all luke warm/tepid and call that his dealbreaker with you…only you didn’t know it. Best of luck to ya