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Should you wait for a date?

You always hear dating advice to women about how men are supposed to pursue you when they are truly interested. We know that “when he’s into you” he will and then you will know that it’s real.

I don’t know if that is always the case though. A lot of men are laid back and take things slow because they don’t like to rush things. If you meet someone that you are interested in, how long should you wait to go out with them?

For some people, the process is: swap phone numbers; hold a few conversations on the phone to weed out the crazies or married people; text and/or email; add each other on Facebook; schedule a date. I have known at least three relationships that started this way. The date didn’t get set up right away at all.

Is there a time frame when a date should be scheduled? If someone hasn’t asked you out, do you move on right away and cut off communication?

How long do you usually wait to set up a date after you meet someone?

Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Blog

293 comments Add your comment

Celisea

December 20th, 2010
3:34 pm

And really, women need to be comfortable asking the men they are trying to get to know better, “are you married or have a girlfriend.” Whereas men need to be more forthcoming with that info.

I agree with you here

SexyCool

December 20th, 2010
3:40 pm

But at the same time, my good friends, my road dawgs are not going to let me step on the landmine that they know is there.

i'm swiss™

December 20th, 2010
3:40 pm

“..she still would have been down..sounds like she was digging him anyway…so thats why honesty pays….you might hit the lottery…”

Rell — True. There are plenty of chicks out there who don’t seem to mind being 2nd string — I guess they think they’re competing for that starting spot? — so, no need for deception. Those girls are out there… :lol:

Reminds me of the quote from the movie Office Space where the main character & his trashy neighbor are talking about what they’d do if they had enough $$ that they never had to work. The neighbor says he’d get two chics to double-team him. The other guy says “not all chicks would be into you just because you have money” — and the neighbor says, “no, but the kind of chicks who would double-up on a dude like me would.” :lol:

Rell - the blue chewy

December 20th, 2010
3:43 pm

@swis…lol..thats one of my favorite movies of all time…lol…and so true….

AmazonRed

December 20th, 2010
3:50 pm

SCool – which is why I told her

Sassy Me..4 days til MY birthday :-)

December 20th, 2010
3:52 pm

But at the same time, my good friends, my road dawgs are not going to let me step on the landmine that they know is there.

Worth repeating. I don’t have alot of female friends in my circle but the two that are have been there for 20+ years so I would be all kinds of wrong for not telling either one of them what’s up. I say that b/c I’d want the same in return.

Sassy Me..4 days til MY birthday :-)

December 20th, 2010
3:54 pm

It’s good that you finally told her ARed…question though, how many months passed before you did? Were you waiting for your friend to do the right thing and tell her, then went ahead and told her cause he was dragging his feet?

kimmie

December 20th, 2010
3:55 pm

I’m just reading all this and shaking my head. It’s the same old TIRED same old. That’s why I bounce if a dude is hemming and hawing and hesitating about asking me out. They are ALWAYS already in a “situation” with another chick. Never fails! You are just being strung along. Well I am not the one to be strung!

And what was that KISS all about, like they are in high school going behind the bleechers in the gym!LOL!! And you haven’t even taken me out!

Read the handwriting on the wall, ladies, unless you like this kind of mess!!!

Melo!!

December 20th, 2010
3:57 pm

but do adult chics cut block for each other the same way high school kids do?

If ur friend wants a guy who is clearly married or has another girl,uall going to sweat a lot bout it? at 30 some years old?

are u even going to stop calling her your friend coz she is on a different dating regimen?

:???:

SexyCool

December 20th, 2010
3:58 pm

The thing about a landmine is that it doesn’t blow up when you step on it, it blows up when you step off of it.

And o’girl stepped on the landmine two months ago…she just didn’t know it was there. Now, she does.

I am whatever you say I am

December 20th, 2010
3:59 pm

Celisea: at your 3:34….”, women need to be comfortable asking the men they are trying to get to know better, “are you married or have a girlfriend.”

Actually, I believe that women should be more specific when asking this question.

Instead the question should be asked “Are there any women that you are involved with?”
Most of the time guys will say no (some guys not all) to the do you have a girlfriend/married question.

I’ve have received a more honest reponse from guys when I ask if there are any women they are involved with.
Most will say yes or I talk to people.

I am whatever you say I am

December 20th, 2010
4:00 pm

And we all know what it means when a guy says he’s “talking to people”

I am whatever you say I am

December 20th, 2010
4:02 pm

Melo” at your 3:57
I will tell my “friend” not to do it not to pursue…etc… but at the end of the day we are all grown so if she chooses to talk to a married dude, that’s her business.
Just don’t come crying to me because it didn’t work out or you got your feelings hurt because you already knew the situation going in.

Sassy Me..4 days til MY birthday :-)

December 20th, 2010
4:02 pm

she just didn’t know it was there. Now, she does.

And knowing if half the battle…G.I. JOEEEEE

Celisea

December 20th, 2010
4:02 pm

I AM – I was agreeing with ARed’s statement but yeah I believe in flipping the question a 100 different ways because for some men if you don’t pose it right, you won’t get the right question when really the intent for getting everything out in the open is present….just for those looking for loop holes to not do right will use it as a technicality and say, he you didn’t ask. You married, getting married, engaged, divorced, got a girl, have a rotation…all questions

Celisea

December 20th, 2010
4:03 pm

you won’t get the right answer…what’s wrong with me today?

Celisea

December 20th, 2010
4:04 pm

It just would have been a red flag when he mentioned he’ll tell her…he knew then he wouldn’t. But really upon introduction I would have pulled her coat tail and said you know he’s got a girl right? Just in case I thought she might or even he, dig each other to the slightest.

Celisea

December 20th, 2010
4:04 pm

he’d tell her…okay imma stop cause ya’ll know what I’m trying to say

Rell - the blue chewy

December 20th, 2010
4:05 pm

@kimmie…..yep..your right

Ahrian

December 20th, 2010
4:08 pm

I have yet to even find a guy that can hold a conversation, let alone get to the asking out part. LOL But on topic, depending how you meet I think would make a difference. I would think after a week or so of good conversations then if both are interested meet and see how it goes. Going to vary a bit depending on the person of course. And I have no problems asking a man out if I am interested in him. Men can be just as shy as us ladies can.

SexyCool

December 20th, 2010
4:09 pm

Where do you think the best place to watch the eclipse will be tonight?

2CPTG©--"that dude from da innanet"

December 20th, 2010
4:10 pm

“what’s wrong with me today?”

You stopped coming to therapy!!! Tol’ you, you wasn’t fixed yet!

Melo!!

December 20th, 2010
4:11 pm

Celisea?!

We meet and we get introduced (me and ur friend) by u but unless ur friend says some to u to indicate I triggered her interest, why bother?

It’s a social or business function/setting why do u find it necessary to give a breakdown about my personal life?

this is Celisea

this is melo

that’s it!

somebody’s cobwebs get the better of them,that’s a different issue.

AmazonRed

December 20th, 2010
4:12 pm

Sassy – all they do is talk on the phone. Folks are acting like they are having an affair. He told me he would tell her. He didn’t. She told me he’d ask him what was up. She didn’t. They are grown. Not only that I’m not the matchmaker. I just intro’d two friends of mine. The moment I started spending too many questions they should be asking each other, it wasn’t my business. People do leave relationships u knowm

But no I wasn’t gonna just hang her out to dry. Whatever he was trying to do about his situation, he had time to handle. He didn’t so I let my girl know. Again all I’ve been privy to is a kiss and some phone calls.

Sassy Me..4 days til MY birthday :-)

December 20th, 2010
4:13 pm

But really upon introduction I would have pulled her coat tail and said you know he’s got a girl right?

That would’ve been a good look…things could’ve turned out differently or then again maybe not but my part would’ve been done.

Luvbug

December 20th, 2010
4:13 pm

But really upon introduction I would have pulled her coat tail and said you know he’s got a girl right?

Celisea – Me too. If he seemed to be interested and even vaguely initiated something further with her in my presence, I’d have asked about ole girl right then and there, so my friend would know. LOL

Eh, so what’s going on with and ole girl? You’re still with her right? :lol: :lol:

SlimNumeroUno

December 20th, 2010
4:13 pm

Probably in For Real’s bedroom…. :lol:

Celisea

December 20th, 2010
4:14 pm

You stopped coming to therapy!!! Tol’ you, you wasn’t fixed yet!

LOLOLOL….yeah, I might need another session. I’m off balance today

SexyCool

December 20th, 2010
4:16 pm

And I have to say that o’girl is getting the program she signed up for. Because she just as easily could have asked ARed the question.

And again, whatever it was that was making her “beat herself up” should have told her then that this was not the dude for her.

Sassy Me..4 days til MY birthday :-)

December 20th, 2010
4:17 pm

ARed I get it…hopefully your friend will too and not get her feelings hurt. I think if dude was really on the up n up he would’ve told her when they met…he never had any intentions(pre-cookie at least)of telling her,hence his response to you when asked about it. Either way she needs to gone head and charge it…it is what it is.

kimmie

December 20th, 2010
4:18 pm

Men can be just as shy as us ladies can.

Ahrian – Shy need not apply here. This isn’t high school. Shy on a grown man is so not attractive. But that’s just me.

Celisea

December 20th, 2010
4:20 pm

Luvbug – Eh, so what’s going on with and ole girl? You’re still with her right?

Exactly…I know the dudes in my circle that will “go there.” Given that I know them, I would have either not introduced and allowed it to happen between the two of them…if was gonna. Or given her a heads up simply because I “know him.” I’m not going to introduce someone I know that’s already boo’ed up to someone else…even if the intro is truly innocent because of all the possibilities. Ultimately the two of them are responsible in their actions so no it’s not ARed’s fault if they go there but I just wouldn’t have done it…but that’s just me though.

SexyCool

December 20th, 2010
4:20 pm

kimmie – cosign.

Sassy Me..4 days til MY birthday :-)

December 20th, 2010
4:21 pm

Where do you think the best place to watch the eclipse will be tonight?

Preferrably somewhere where there aren’t any street lights(or not many) to obscure your view but from what I’ve read it shouldn’t be too hard to miss from any vantage point.

Celisea

December 20th, 2010
4:21 pm

Melo – My 4:20 can be applied to what you asked in your 4:11…same answer

Luvbug

December 20th, 2010
4:22 pm

Either way she needs to gone head and charge it…it is what it is.

She probably wont cause she hasn’t so far with all of the signs, but I agree.

SexyCool

December 20th, 2010
4:22 pm

Celisea – more cosigning. (lol)

Celisea

December 20th, 2010
4:23 pm

He told me he would tell her.

That was a red flag. When did he get her number that night? If he didn’t have any ill intents an introduction that night would have suffice but they took it further and knew they wanted to go beyond the surface. She’s gonna get just what she’s asking for…played like a second fiddle.

SexyCool

December 20th, 2010
4:23 pm

Sassy…as soon as I posted the question, I googled it to see what time it was going to happen….241a…not so sure I’m quite enthusiastic enough to stay up (or get up) to have to drive somewhere and watch it.

For Real

December 20th, 2010
4:25 pm

Good One Slim….

For Real

December 20th, 2010
4:27 pm

Why are the ladies putting all of the onus on the dude? I believe Ared’s friend knew exactly what she was doing/did and if she likes it why don’t yall love it?

Celisea

December 20th, 2010
4:27 pm

I haven’t done any Christmas shopping :(

i'm swiss™

December 20th, 2010
4:28 pm

“Where do you think the best place to watch the eclipse will be tonight?”

(Channeling For Real):

You ladies can view an eclipse anytime you want. Here, just lie down on the ground & look up while I… [ZIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP]

Luvbug

December 20th, 2010
4:29 pm

I’m not going to catch up on the reading…this may have already been covered, but what are some common reasons why a guy will so quickly ask one woman out then wait to ask another?

Sassy Me..4 days til MY birthday :-)

December 20th, 2010
4:30 pm

I’m with you Sexy….heyal at that time of night/morning I’m looong gone to la la land. It’s supposed to be pretty,though,I’m sure there are some enthusiasts who will take/post some nice pictures…I think I’ll wait on that instead. I needs my zzzz’s.

i'm swiss™

December 20th, 2010
4:30 pm

“I haven’t done any Christmas shopping”

Celisea — Give the gift that doesn’t require a trip to the mall: lap dances.

;-) :lol:

Celisea

December 20th, 2010
4:31 pm

Oh my Lord…somebody gave me a box/bag of “Malibu Chocolates” for Christmas…I need intervention right about now….mmm mmm mmm

For Real

December 20th, 2010
4:31 pm

Swiss: eclipse aka put her eye out

Luvbug

December 20th, 2010
4:31 pm

I believe Ared’s friend knew exactly what she was doing/did and if she likes it why don’t yall love it?

I would if I felt she did know as you’ve suggested…wouldn’t if I didn’t.

Celisea

December 20th, 2010
4:32 pm

Swiss – Celisea Give the gift that doesn’t require a trip to the mall: lap dances

LOLOLOL, I know right…you bout to make me wish…fa real