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Should you wait for a date?

You always hear dating advice to women about how men are supposed to pursue you when they are truly interested. We know that “when he’s into you” he will and then you will know that it’s real.

I don’t know if that is always the case though. A lot of men are laid back and take things slow because they don’t like to rush things. If you meet someone that you are interested in, how long should you wait to go out with them?

For some people, the process is: swap phone numbers; hold a few conversations on the phone to weed out the crazies or married people; text and/or email; add each other on Facebook; schedule a date. I have known at least three relationships that started this way. The date didn’t get set up right away at all.

Is there a time frame when a date should be scheduled? If someone hasn’t asked you out, do you move on right away and cut off communication?

How long do you usually wait to set up a date after you meet someone?

Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Blog

293 comments Add your comment

AmazonRed™

December 20th, 2010
1:53 pm

Wanting to get the ball rolling doesn’t equate to jumping in too early or too quick.

I wasn’t saying that.

Melo!!

December 20th, 2010
2:08 pm

Chicks want the balls to start rolling……

:lol: who knew?

AmazonRed™

December 20th, 2010
2:12 pm

:lol: @ melo. In a perfect world, we should all be eager to spend time with someone new or exciting. Doesn’t mean we should. Folks are crazy.

That woman from Real Housewives of Atlanta (Lisa) was married to her husband after knowing him 30 days. Nice to know it can happen that fast, but it’s probably not going to be a happy ending for most people who go that route. :lol:

Melo!!

December 20th, 2010
2:16 pm

Lisa Hartwell u mean?

2CPTG©--"that dude from da innanet"

December 20th, 2010
2:16 pm

A Red, does dude know you snitched told the chic on him?

AmazonRed™

December 20th, 2010
2:23 pm

@melo – Yeah, her. Married in 30 days. They are still together and seem happy!

@2Can – I haven’t told him yet. I’m not afraid to either. Probably will next time I see him.

Rell - the blue chewy

December 20th, 2010
2:28 pm

lol@snitched

dude was like great ared bought me fresh fish…and she not going to snitch and i will split this when i get the chance too…lol….dont be an enabler

2CPTG©--"that dude from da innanet"

December 20th, 2010
2:29 pm

so lemme get this straight….you introduced them, as friends, an attraction spawned; dude didn’t volunteer the fact that he had a girl, so you took it upon yourself to do so…..correct so far?

Melo!!

December 20th, 2010
2:30 pm

Lisa wouldn’t care Ared. Mr Hartwell meanwhile, proly has good intentions.

I hope his money and investments pan out and improve coz I don’t see her staying longterm if he goes bust,like many athlete do.

Rell - the blue chewy

December 20th, 2010
2:30 pm

@2c…she had to say something….i mean her girl was feeling dude..so she knew the smut out was coming…lol

Denise

December 20th, 2010
2:33 pm

BlackMagicWoman— LOL at pregnant men! Yeah, when they are 7 months along and I’m not the mama, that is not a good look! LMAO

AmazonRed™

December 20th, 2010
2:36 pm

so lemme get this straight….you introduced them, as friends, an attraction spawned; dude didn’t volunteer the fact that he had a girl, so you took it upon yourself to do so…..correct so far?

Yes, after two months of him not telling her. I told her.

2CPTG©--"that dude from da innanet"

December 20th, 2010
2:39 pm

“Yes”

that’s the gist of it right there! Dude prolly gon roll wit it, but ya girl-friend oughta cuss yo ass out! Like, “chic why didn’t you tell me this up front! You knew that niqqa had a lady, and you gon set me up!”

or…..you just hatin’….

Sassy Me..4 days til MY birthday :-)

December 20th, 2010
2:39 pm

she had to say something….

Eventually…what I found interesting is that it’s been months and dude still hadn’t said anything about having a girlfriend…what up with that? See that’s how isht gets started…see it sounds like she wants to date him but I wonder what she’ll do now that she knows about his g/f. I’d be curious as to his reasons for not having told her at all at this point…not unless he’s just looking for some nu nu. :???: Again I say swallow deep on theeze

AmazonRed™

December 20th, 2010
2:42 pm

2Can – I didn’t “set her up.” And I told her to ask him straight up what his situation was, since she had some many questions. She kept saying “well, we’re only talking so it’s not my place.” (WTF :? , turns out he kissed her and everything…of course it’s your place to vet the dudes that get your time). Anywho, she kept asking ME about what he was up to, who was this woman’s voice she heard in the background once, etc.

My friends KNOW me. I don’t deal with drama, or condone mess. I shot straight.

It be different if dude were doing right…then it would be “hating” but he wasn’t so do the crime, face the consequences. It doesn’t take 2 months to be honest.

SlimNumeroUno

December 20th, 2010
2:42 pm

Melo!!

December 20th, 2010
2:43 pm

Rell/2Can?!

to be fair to Ared,I think she would rather her guy friend smash and date her girlfriend than the other girl she don’t know….

as long as her girlfriend makes her own mind…ain’t that right Ared?

I hope u did not do the suggestive :roll: when u told ur girl dude had a girlfriend,ad if to discourage her.

now I would flag that play! :roll:

Celisea

December 20th, 2010
2:43 pm

double wooooow!!! :|

Melo!!

December 20th, 2010
2:44 pm

as if to discourage het

Rell - the blue chewy

December 20th, 2010
2:44 pm

dude still hadn’t said anything about having a girlfriend

- because in his mind..he not doing nothing wrong..this is just a nu friend…someone that is prolly happy to hear from him..that is the stage to boost that ego that current girl is prolly not paying attention anymore or just got out bossy on him..so what does he do…go start something fresh without the messyness of a break-up..men hate to be the bad guy

I wonder what she’ll do now that she knows about his g/f.

NOTHING – its checkmate now….women love triangles…meaning someone she has to out-do..so i expect some hurt feelings but buddy will smooth it over…actually believe it or not..this omission that he has someone just got him one step closer to the “draws”..lol

AmazonRed™

December 20th, 2010
2:44 pm

Ared,I think she would rather her guy friend smash and date her girlfriend than the other girl she don’t know….

I don’t care. Again, it was a casual introduction that he made messy by trying to play games with my friend. He had to know I wasn’t gonna let that roll incessently. Please.

2CPTG©--"that dude from da innanet"

December 20th, 2010
2:45 pm

“turns out he kissed her and everything…”

Nah….that’s all she told you!

AmazonRed™

December 20th, 2010
2:46 pm

Eventually…what I found interesting is that it’s been months and dude still hadn’t said anything about having a girlfriend…what up with that?

That’s what I said too. And she told me that she told HIM upfront that she was transitioning from her own situtation…and he still didn’t level with her. Hmph.

Melo!!

December 20th, 2010
2:47 pm

now u have me laughing at ‘turns out he kissed her’

No! it’s ‘turns out she kissed him’ :lol:

SexyCool

December 20th, 2010
2:47 pm

What is sad about the whole situation is that you have TWO chicks that are in situations where their instincts, experience and common sense should tell them to get the hell on down the road. Because, having been in that situation, both of those ladies have, more than likely, been getting the short end of the stick (or long end of the dizzle – just speaking of the possibility), and neither one of them are being given enough solid information to make a decision about whether or not to continue to participate.

Chick A: “I know we’ve been together for a while, but I’ve met someone else that I’ve been trying to get to know.”

Chick #2: “I really want to get to know you better, but I have to let you know that I have a girlfriend.”

And where most of us go wrong, is that we won’t take action based on the signs. No, we have to have concrete evidence of having been done wrong.

AmazonRed™

December 20th, 2010
2:47 pm

2Can – It was in public. I was there at the function (wasn’t there for the kiss) but they didn’t leave together. They have not gone out together. He tells her he wants to see her, but then doesn’t make concrete plans. He’s stringing her along.

SexyCool

December 20th, 2010
2:50 pm

Well…based on the 246p…sounds like chick could have made the decision to complete her *transition* based on false intel.

2CPTG©--"that dude from da innanet"

December 20th, 2010
2:51 pm

“He tells her he wants to see her, but then doesn’t make concrete plans.”

well, that’s his dumb-ass fault! ’cause if he can get a kiss that quick, coochie ain’t too far off…hell, he ain’t gon be honest no way, so may as well keep the lie going till he smashes….

Rell - the blue chewy

December 20th, 2010
2:54 pm

He tells her he wants to see her, but then doesn’t make concrete plans. He’s stringing her along.

- NOPE thats string is the I just want to see if you going to make it easy for me…meaning he just trying to get the draws..a smash and grab…i mean the whole he kissed her….more like he kissed..seen the top of her head and he inspected the box with his speaking tool…lol….funny..but i love it…its typical for smash and grab situations here in the A….i

AmazonRed™

December 20th, 2010
2:55 pm

2Can – Well of course it’s her fault for continuing to entertain someone who says they’re trying to see you but don’t make any concrete plans. But she was wondering why he was dragging his feet for so long and I think it was messing with her head a bit because they were getting along so well.

So yeah, I told her. Homey had plenty of opportunity.

Rell - the blue chewy

December 20th, 2010
2:55 pm

@2c…it was a setup because O girl feelings are involved now…so she dont care..she is not going to leave him alone now just because he has a girlfriend…i mean she had a taste already…that “free” trial is a bench..lol

Melo!!

December 20th, 2010
2:56 pm

Colchie ain’t too far off….

he may have gotten some already but Ared ain’t been privy to that part…..

Sassy Me..4 days til MY birthday :-)

December 20th, 2010
2:57 pm

….women love triangles…

The phk if we do…not ALL of us anyway. And the main one to benefit from all this “out do-ing” is the one who started the sh!t to begin with…HIM. That’s a bunch of bullsh!t..plain and simple.

It shouldn’t have taken months for her to find out about his g/f albeit if she heard it from him or someone else…it still shouldn’t have taken months for her to find out…that’s foul.

2CPTG©--"that dude from da innanet"

December 20th, 2010
2:59 pm

I said it was HIS fault; his fault if he didn’t hunch! Hell, it was laid out on a platter for him….she was diggin him, but he was BS’in…

tell that fool, you know a dude who sellin “ism” starter kits for $49.99..you can charge him whatever you want, long as I get me! He sounds like he could use one…

AmazonRed™

December 20th, 2010
2:59 pm

Thank you Sassy.

And yeah, when I find out a man is involved, whether girlfriend or wife, I am running the other way. It is NOT code for “try harder to win him over.” :? What kind of hoodrat broads are these dudes dealing with…. :arrow:

Melo!!

December 20th, 2010
3:00 pm

@Rell?!

uall killing me,’seen the top of her head….inspected the box’

in plain lingo Rell, what do u mean?

:lol:

cba

December 20th, 2010
3:02 pm

“kissing and all + transitioning = ………..

Rell - the blue chewy

December 20th, 2010
3:02 pm

it still shouldn’t have taken months for

–lol@sassy….i feel you…maybe not for you lady…but i have experienced otherwise…lol…here is a question..based on her needs and wants from a relationship…with dude being all vague why she stick around?….i mean does the vague stuff line up with her life and relationship goals…i mean all the elusive answers..the funny times of day that he would contact her…hearing chicks in the background…running to a third party for answers….i mean does this behavior add to someone that is looking for a relationship….i mean he flakying on plans..etc…talk to me sassy…i mean does this sound like yea i am digging this..i want to keep this going…again she not going ANYWHERE..dude will continue to haunt her life…she is hooked now at the BOLDNESS of it all….if you ask me its classic….this plays out daily…thanks ared for sharing

SlimNumeroUno

December 20th, 2010
3:04 pm

If a dude expressed interest in me at a time where i’m not dating someone else, he continuously makes plans but nothing in stone or always has an excuse, then automatically i’m thinking he has another chick…

Rell - the blue chewy

December 20th, 2010
3:04 pm

@melo

“top of her head” = you are looking down at the top of her head while she polish the brass…if you get it now

“inspected the box”…i have used “taco” in the past “yoni” it all adds up to what you like and seek daily..lol

Celisea

December 20th, 2010
3:06 pm

If they had not been introduced then none of this would exist…at least not with this girl. I say never help a dude be dirty.

Melo!!

December 20th, 2010
3:09 pm

Rell?!

u stoopid! when Ared said dude said he would handle it, I knew exactly what type of cat that was.

:lol: yeah chick has proly polished the brass!

now, she in with both feet!

AmazonRed™

December 20th, 2010
3:11 pm

Celisea –

Eh, they probably would have met. They’re both friends of mine and come out to the events and social hours I go to.

And really, women need to be comfortable asking the men they are trying to get to know better, “are you married or have a girlfriend.” Whereas men need to be more forthcoming with that info.

Sassy Me..4 days til MY birthday :-)

December 20th, 2010
3:17 pm

based on her needs and wants from a relationship…with dude being all vague why she stick around?….i mean does the vague stuff line up with her life and relationship goals…

First of all she’s also “transitioning” from her own situation which leads me to think she’s going through a break-up….and if so then she needs to deal with that before tryna start something new. No Rell, this guy’s behavior does not harken to “I want to be in a relationship with YOU”….but if they’ve kissed(if that’s all they’ve done) then that’s why dude should’ve said from the jump,”I got a girl”, and maybe this would’ve/could’ve been avoided. Whoomp/whoot/whoop there it is. He still should’ve said something but he’s on the hunt for nu nu so you know how that goes.

She needs to take off the rose colored glasses and bounce…not unless she only wants him for the stick…if she still deals with dude now that she KNOWS he has a g/f then she either really likes him(unfortunately) or maybe she has an ulterior motive.

SexyCool

December 20th, 2010
3:20 pm

And Sassy, even if she really likes him, she should like herself more and enough to not sign up for this program.

Rell - the blue chewy

December 20th, 2010
3:20 pm

@melo..when she first posted..i knew the outcome….i mean some things are like a toss sweep…the play has not changed in years….its the same play just different players…and whats funny there will be no drama and lest resistance..

Rell - the blue chewy

December 20th, 2010
3:23 pm

@sassy…good break down…but its typical…hell if it like red said..dude should have said from the party i have a women..she still would have been down..sounds like she was digging him anyway…so thats why honesty pays….you might hit the lottery….jack tripper may have been made up..but its possible…lol

Sassy Me..4 days til MY birthday :-)

December 20th, 2010
3:23 pm

You’re right Sexy..but now I’m thinking about whatever it is that she’s transitioning from…maybe she’s needy right now. Either way she should look our for self and K.I.M. pronto.

Melo!!

December 20th, 2010
3:28 pm

@Rell!

yeah, nothing very unusual bout that play. Adult men and women play it…and smart people too.

People act according to their desires at that point.

She knows now,even tho she didn’t at the beginning..what she gon do?

that’s her grown up choice and I would not condemn her ….he got no ring on the finger so other chick has no legitimate claim either..

duke it out!

Sassy Me..4 days til MY birthday :-)

December 20th, 2010
3:31 pm

dude should have said from the party i have a women..she still would have been down..

Maybe…maybe not. We meet people all the time who we might be intensely attracted to only to later on find out they’re otherwise occupied…so now what? Do you think below the belt and make a move anyway or do what’s right and back off….REGARDLESS if said attached person is pursuing you,too. What would you do?