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Should you wait for a date?

You always hear dating advice to women about how men are supposed to pursue you when they are truly interested. We know that “when he’s into you” he will and then you will know that it’s real.

I don’t know if that is always the case though. A lot of men are laid back and take things slow because they don’t like to rush things. If you meet someone that you are interested in, how long should you wait to go out with them?

For some people, the process is: swap phone numbers; hold a few conversations on the phone to weed out the crazies or married people; text and/or email; add each other on Facebook; schedule a date. I have known at least three relationships that started this way. The date didn’t get set up right away at all.

Is there a time frame when a date should be scheduled? If someone hasn’t asked you out, do you move on right away and cut off communication?

How long do you usually wait to set up a date after you meet someone?

Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Blog

293 comments Add your comment

BlackMagicWoman

December 20th, 2010
11:49 am

RELL…eventually does not mean I am withholding the goods. And I don’t have saltines! :lol: Its about getting to know this guy and trying to firgure out if he is looking for something such as a relationship. Or is he like so many other horn-dogs and looking for a quick lay because he likes how I look. If I feel comfortable with him, then yes…the physical aspects will come into play.
Oh and by the way…I have never had any complaints on “my: freak! :lol:

2C….really? You just figured out it was me….AKA Black Mamba? :lol:

PAGE…you know I loes you girl! :lol: I got your message! Sorry I missed all this year’s festivites sinve I am away. But I will see you guys for NYE/your B-day!

Denise…”The pictures were a little off…bellies weren’t on the pics but by the time we met I liked them as people!”
GIRL….I can’t stand a pregnant man! :sick: I hate it when they hide it and then when you see the dunlap (his belly done lapped over his pants) you are sooo turned off!

Rell - the blue chewy

December 20th, 2010
11:51 am

@bmw…cool, good point…i guess waiting with you or other sag women will pay off “eventually”…lol…guess thats why i flamed out with the ones i tried to date in the past…could not get past there slow response and Edward nigma ways…

Dan - Simply...Superior

December 20th, 2010
11:51 am

@BMW

Glad to know that’s you!!!

Mo (aka Moeisha)

December 20th, 2010
11:55 am

Afternoon All!! Hope everyone is well!!

Hey Page1908! How goes it chica!!

M.(pronounced M dot) – “My only problem is lately I have been meeting some really nice and attractive women with too many kids. Met a very attractive woman saturday at a holiday party and she has 2 kids. My kid limit is 0 lol”. My sister feels the same way about men! Has said that she will meet a nice guy only to find out he has a kid(s).

blue©

December 20th, 2010
11:57 am

@BMW – when you see the dunlap (his belly done lapped over his pants) you are sooo turned off! – caught me off guard with that one, LMAO

Page1908

December 20th, 2010
11:59 am

Hey Mo!!!

@BMW- don’t forget to send me your itinerary!!

Dan - Simply...Superior

December 20th, 2010
12:05 pm

@SC

I just read that “malaise” post at VSB – wow.

And the JS commenter – double wow.

Guy's Guy

December 20th, 2010
12:05 pm

Depends on what I want. If I want long term I may wait to show how interested I am until she shows that she is not a drama queen and has the qualities I am looking for.

SexyCool

December 20th, 2010
12:06 pm

I used to think that I wouldn’t date a dude with a belly. But it’s like someone posted on Friday…about dating to your priorities and not so much your preferences. TheDude’s Anthony Anderson-ish build doesn’t bother me one bit.

But I would still be a no-go on a Professor Klump type – borderline obese, stomach and ass and thighs and rolls of back fat and all that over the place…

BlackMagicWoman

December 20th, 2010
12:07 pm

RELL….we Sag women are very stubborn and set in our ways. So we try to control things to make them go our way! Our way or the highway! :lol: You know me man….I will put a guy in his place with the quickness! I had to do it the other day when I met this guy. He went on with the type of boorish behavior that I hate….the “I am the Alpha-Male” persona. Yeah he got shut down with the quickness! And of course I did it all with my sarcastic a$$ straight face! :shock:

Dan….yes…tis I!

AmazonRed™

December 20th, 2010
12:09 pm

Doh. Afternoon all.

Good topic Diva. I am one who still “respects the process,” especially with all the lazy daters out there. I have too many instances where guys primary means of communication is text, email or Facebook when they already have the phone number, they just don’t use it.

That, my friends, is the fastest way to get cut off.

As someone who was “picked up” recently, it was nice to have a man stop, speak to you, suggest dinner, ask for my number and then actually call it the same day. Who knows what the future holds, but at least he comes across as genuine and respectful.

AmazonRed™

December 20th, 2010
12:10 pm

Well, hey Pagey poo! :lol:

2CPTG©--"that dude from da innanet"

December 20th, 2010
12:10 pm

not fair….tall dudes can have bellies…but us short guys look like pygmies if we get a belly….

AmazonRed™

December 20th, 2010
12:12 pm

Also, the phone conversations/ vetting process is mandatory. You can feed yourself, so don’t be so eager to go out with someone just because they’re offering. Your time and self respect should be valuable. Most of my friends who have the messiest drama going on right now are in it because they didn’t take time to know who they were dealing with.

BlackMagicWoman

December 20th, 2010
12:12 pm

MO…I am like your sister. I like men with NO kids. I have none….so I have the right to ask that my significant other doesn’t either. I look at is this way…if we get married, I do not need part of our income going to another household. Nor do I want to have to deal with another woman in our lives and there nothing I can say about it.
Then I think about the fact that I do NOT want kids of my own. So that lessens my dating pool. :lol:

2CPTG©--"that dude from da innanet"

December 20th, 2010
12:13 pm

“Most of my friends who have the messiest drama going on right now are in it because they didn’t take time to know who they were dealing with.”

Hey Dan….there’s that “qualifying” thing again….

Page1908

December 20th, 2010
12:15 pm

Ohhhhhh well, hello ARed! LOL *googly eyes*

Melo!!

December 20th, 2010
12:21 pm

wait untill u get over 40 Sexycool..then, just having a normal heartbeat,never mind the bellysize,will be just fine.

these priorities get a make over all the time as u age.

U can attest to that, won’t u?

K-Diddy

December 20th, 2010
12:21 pm

Greetings Family

It’s been a minute since I inserted my two cents, but I must comment on today’s topic. I think when a guy is dragging his feet about asking you out, it’s more than likely for one of the following reasons:

1. He’s already involved and trying to get his schedule freed up to go out.
2. He’s straight out of “low cash” and waiting for payday or for his refund check.
3. He’s not even interested and taking up time and space by calling you.
4. He’s nursing a broken heart and really just wants someone to talk to.
5. He has no intention of ever ‘taking” you out on a real date, and thinks if he keeps calling and texting that will be considered “quality time” and you’ll eventually invite him over.
6. He’s waiting for that nasty cold sore (or other outbreak) to go away.

AmazonRed™

December 20th, 2010
12:23 pm

I recently introduced two friends of mine. They hit it off. He has been dragging his feet with asking her out officially, because he does indeed have a girlfriend. :?

But there is a difference between dragging feet and taking time to get to know someone better.

Dan - Simply...Superior

December 20th, 2010
12:25 pm

@2C

“Real recognizes real”

Be it an honest conversation, how someone carries themselves, “qualifying” in the way you’ve used it, is getting to rut (old folks “root”) over another person.

And that process doesn’t take long if you being honest with yourself and in your dealings with others. Leastways for me

Sassy Me..4 days til MY birthday :-)

December 20th, 2010
12:26 pm

M dot

I don’t have a problem going dutch…

I like men with NO kids. I have none….so I have the right to ask that my significant other doesn’t either.

Me,too!! :mrgreen: BMW I swear you’re my sista from another mista cause we are soo >>>>here<<<< with that.

Melo!!

December 20th, 2010
12:28 pm

@Ared?

u wish for her to upgrade the boyfriend or it wad just an innocent introduction with no assist intentions on ur part?

does ur friend mind being in the mix,assuming u told her of his entanglement?

AmazonRed™

December 20th, 2010
12:32 pm

melo – I introduced them as friends, but had a feeling they would hit it off. I asked him what he’d do if he did end up liking her romantically and he told me “let me worry about that.” :lol:

He never told her he was involved with someone. It’s been months and she’s been beating herself up over why he keeps in contact, but hasn’t made a move. So I told her what the deal was. *shrugs*

SexyCool

December 20th, 2010
12:37 pm

“And that process doesn’t take long if you being honest with yourself and in your dealings with others. ” Cosign.

Melo!!

December 20th, 2010
12:40 pm

Ared?

second part…..so does she feel like going gangbusta and competing to grab him away or she won’t….especially seeing that he’s your friend……

I see drama for u tho even if she were to make her own mind..it don’t work out,it’s Ared’s fault somehow.

SexyCool

December 20th, 2010
12:42 pm

ARed – is this chick a *friend* or just a female that you happen to know, think is kinda cool and that you hang out with sometimes?

M. (pronouced M dot)

December 20th, 2010
12:47 pm

@Mo

I feel you on the kids thing. I hate when I am in Publix and I see a cute girl in the bread aisle and behind her is a cart with a kid in it….:(

AmazonRed™

December 20th, 2010
12:50 pm

SCool – She’s a good friend and also my road dawg.

melo – I don’t roll with folks who bring me drama. So if she wants to trip, she’ll get cut. But she’s already thanked me for the info.

SexyCool

December 20th, 2010
12:53 pm

In that case, I’m kinda confused. And maybe I just don’t have all the facts. You introduced your good friend/road dawg to a dude with a girlfriend, but didn’t tell her for “months” that he has a girlfriend.

And as for why he keeps in contact, she lets him. He’s trying to put/has her on lay-away.

SexyCool

December 20th, 2010
12:54 pm

By the way, that first part was a question…didn’t punctuate properly.

Dan - Simply...Superior

December 20th, 2010
12:54 pm

Speaking of honesty (off topic):

I really slept on B.O.B.

So much so that I may have to buy his first album…..

AmazonRed™

December 20th, 2010
12:56 pm

SC – What’s confusing? I didn’t introduce them to date. I introduced them to be friends. They did hit it off but they were attracted to each other. That I can’t control. Dude told me he’d handle telling her about his “situation” and two months later he hasn’t told her, so I did.

Mo (aka Moeisha)

December 20th, 2010
12:57 pm

SexyCool – Lol @ the Professor Klump type! But I so understand.

M. – when I didnt have kids I felt the same way and so I co-sign my sister’s sentiment.

BMW – and there it is then, as long as people know upfront I dont see the problem! Except for those folks that want to ‘change your mind’… GTFOH!!

I am whatever you say I am

December 20th, 2010
12:57 pm

“….@Ladies

If its a guy you like, when if do you start to pay for dates?…”

When he is my boyfriend and I am his girlfriend then I don’t mind paying for dates.
If that type of relationship has not solidified- then going dutch is okay however…if dutch is the norm dude runs the risk of being in the friend-zone.
Just keeping it real….

gator24

December 20th, 2010
12:58 pm

I think we as a society base most dating on age and what looks good to us and whether we as humans are compatible with each other. Some women are attracted to older men with money, maybe its a quick way to an inheritance. A lot women think God is the answer because he will provide them with a good mate. However the divorce rate is high, I believe you have to think outside the box. With all the dating networks available on the Internet you have navigate or weed out the crazies, scam artist, playboys, playgirls to see who right for you.

I am whatever you say I am

December 20th, 2010
1:00 pm

How long do you usually wait to set up a date after you meet someone?

If I meet a guy in person (friends house, out and about, whatever) then I don’t mind making plans soon to arrange a date.
It basically depends on how quickly the guy asks me out.

If I meet online then what Wise Diva listed above is usually the norm:
“…..the process is: swap phone numbers; hold a few conversations on the phone to weed out the crazies or married people; text and/or email; add each other on Facebook; schedule a date……”

SexyCool

December 20th, 2010
1:03 pm

Okay. That makes it clearer. Thanks for the dialogue.

In that scenario, I would have told my roadie upfront what the deal was with his situation.

blue©

December 20th, 2010
1:03 pm

@SC@ARed – im a little confused too, maybe i missed it. i thought you were saying something about being agravated that he hadnt stepped it up with your friend? why would he if he has a gf? i musta missed something….

Melo!!

December 20th, 2010
1:06 pm

Ared!

I feel coz at the end of day adults do what they wanna do.

At least ur guy friend has options.

Dudes like that! :lol:

AmazonRed™

December 20th, 2010
1:06 pm

i thought you were saying something about being agravated that he hadnt stepped it up with your friend?

You definitely missed something. I never said such a thing.

Melo!!

December 20th, 2010
1:07 pm

AmazonRed™

December 20th, 2010
1:08 pm

In that scenario, I would have told my roadie upfront what the deal was with his situation.

So you would have said “in case you like him, don’t cuz he has a girlfriend?” Why?

SexyCool

December 20th, 2010
1:14 pm

I would want my friend to know all the facts so that she could have made a informed decision about the level of access that she allowed this person. Because I would have wanted to keep my friend from “beating herself up.”

I would find it hard to believe that she didn’t ask you *any*thing about him in an attempt to *qualify* (since that seems to be the word of the day) before investing any kind of time, effort or attention in/with him.

And I would want my friends to tell me that a new guy that I was interested in getting to know had a girlfriend (if they knew.) Because he apparently didn’t feel it was necessary to do so. And for me, it would tell me alot about that dude’s character/tendencies to find out after the fact.

AmazonRed™

December 20th, 2010
1:17 pm

SCool – You’re thinking waaaay too hard. Do you introduce all your friends to other people and provide their romantic history? No. If you were trying to hook them up, maybe. But I’m not trying to hook up people who are already involved. Please read that sentence again.

I’ve been introduced to folks out on the town and I don’t get a rundown of where they stand romantically. If I’m involved and the new person I just met asked me out I say “thanks, but I’m seeing someone.” Clearly that wasn’t done. It wasn’t my job to do it upfront. Especially since it wasn’t a “love connection” type of introduction.

SexyCool

December 20th, 2010
1:41 pm

Dan – I got quite a kick out of VSB today. Those dudes should be writing comedy.

AmazonRed™

December 20th, 2010
1:46 pm

In fact, this is the case with alot of those that dragged their feet about asking me out – they were “otherwise occupied”! That’s another reason why I’m so turned off by guys that drag their feet – they are dragging them for a reason.

Playing catch up…good one kimmie.

Celisea

December 20th, 2010
1:48 pm

Mdot – I just want to know when would you pay for a date, after the first date, 10th date, never, lol?

Sorry, been in meetings and a team luncheon. I think Kimmie’s 10:44 answered. I don’t really “pay” for dates. As we progress and move along as I deem you being the stand up dude you are, I’m usually inclined to do something really nice which could be paying for a meal or treating to a day of “something”….something being anything (breakfast, spa, etc)

Celisea

December 20th, 2010
1:51 pm

You can feed yourself, so don’t be so eager to go out with someone just because they’re offering. Your time and self respect should be valuable.

Wanting to get the ball rolling doesn’t equate to jumping in too early or too quick. I think to meet and sleep together day one might make your stock plummet but to meet and start the interaction process could very well be the beginning of “taking your time” for knowing each other.

Rell - the blue chewy

December 20th, 2010
1:53 pm

@lol @ the paying convo…..smh at the lunacy of it all.