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Should you wait for a date?

You always hear dating advice to women about how men are supposed to pursue you when they are truly interested. We know that “when he’s into you” he will and then you will know that it’s real.

I don’t know if that is always the case though. A lot of men are laid back and take things slow because they don’t like to rush things. If you meet someone that you are interested in, how long should you wait to go out with them?

For some people, the process is: swap phone numbers; hold a few conversations on the phone to weed out the crazies or married people; text and/or email; add each other on Facebook; schedule a date. I have known at least three relationships that started this way. The date didn’t get set up right away at all.

Is there a time frame when a date should be scheduled? If someone hasn’t asked you out, do you move on right away and cut off communication?

How long do you usually wait to set up a date after you meet someone?

Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Blog

293 comments Add your comment

Celisea

December 20th, 2010
10:32 am

Mdot – If its a guy you like, when if do you start to pay for dates?

I don’t start out like that…I’ve said it before you set the tone of how things will flow. I will do “nice things” but I’m not tracking and taking turns of who pays for whom…sorry

SexyCool

December 20th, 2010
10:32 am

blue©

December 20th, 2010
10:33 am

@Rell – 1002: lol!.
@M. – im with Celisea, not all of us have a list of folks in the wings.

SlimNumeroUno

December 20th, 2010
10:35 am

Gooood morning everybody,

If someone who, in their mind, is interested in me but don’t ask me out or make it known, I assume that maybe they aren’t interested in me in that way. Maybe they rather be my friend…

M. (pronouced M dot)

December 20th, 2010
10:35 am

@Rell

I think the biggest hurdle that I see in the Atlanta dating scene is women who really arent single. With the ABC & CNN specials, they are a smoke screen that makes guys think all these women are sitting at home waiting…Nope These women are doing their thing and sometimes worse than guys.

I have never met so many women who act single but have boyfriends. I have been out with women, you think they are single, spend your time, money, energy, and resources, then see her facebook and she hugged with with some guy name Reggie lol

You take her out and she goes back home to her man like nothing ever happened….

2CPTG©--"that dude from da innanet"

December 20th, 2010
10:36 am

TenderRoni, gal, who wouldn’t want to ask you out….”the truth about “Roni” she’s a sweet ‘ol girl, makes the toughest homeboys fall deep in love….” did Ralph Tresvant have you pegged?

M. (pronouced M dot)

December 20th, 2010
10:38 am

@blue©

I understand not everyone has folks in the wings but you arent locked in the closet either…;)

2CPTG©--"that dude from da innanet"

December 20th, 2010
10:38 am

“If someone who, in their mind, is interested in me but don’t ask me out or make it known, I assume that maybe they aren’t interested in me in that way. Maybe they rather be my friend…”

what if they are, and you know they are, but is respectful of your current situation?

M. (pronouced M dot)

December 20th, 2010
10:40 am

All in All, guys just have to trust their judgement, dont make assumptions, and follow your instincts when interacting with women.

Delight23 ...Heading South for X-Mas

December 20th, 2010
10:41 am

staggering back in and whining “I WANT TO GO HOME”. :-(

Just the same this made me laugh, beacuase it seems quite true…for me anyway.

“If the dude digs you, he’s one step from being a pain in the ass.”

M. (pronouced M dot)

December 20th, 2010
10:42 am

@Celisea

I just want to know when would you pay for a date, after the first date, 10th date, never, lol?

Delight23 ...Heading South for X-Mas

December 20th, 2010
10:43 am

RANDOM: (((singing))) It’s all about Romie an him big fat sister Nyomi.

kimmie

December 20th, 2010
10:44 am

If its a guy you like, when if do you start to pay for dates?

M dot – I’m like Celisea on this. I’m not tracking. I do nice things as we progress, to include treating on dates. While I’m old school, no guy I’ve ever dated can say I’ve just taken advantage. It’s called good hometraining.

I’ve never had a problem really with who pays for dates. Most men I’ve dealt with have finese about it. In turn, they’ve never had to worry.

You seem to harp on the woman paying for dates thing quite a bit. Or women that have a life going at the time you meet them. Are you really having that hard a time with the ladies you are meeting?

Rell - the blue chewy

December 20th, 2010
10:44 am

@m…we talked about that last week….reggie not taking them out..you are…lol

@slim

If someone who, in their mind, is interested in me but don’t ask me out or make it known, I assume that maybe they aren’t interested in me in that way. Maybe they rather be my friend…

^^^rolling my eyes^^^….and calling bison on that one…lol…

BlackMagicWoman

December 20th, 2010
10:46 am

Morning all….

I love a man who despite his obvious attraction to me…acts like a gentleman and refrains from making a physical move on me. If anything it turns me on more. It makes me more intrigued by him. If he continues to call/text/email me and makes the efforts to spend non-pyshical time with me, it makes me like him more. Eventually…it will lead me to make a move. Then it’s on and poppin’! Maybe I am a control freak. But I like to control the Freak in me. :lol: If a guy proceeds in this manner….then anything from the smell of his cologne will turn me on and make me think of him.

Delight23 ...Heading South for X-Mas

December 20th, 2010
10:47 am

…have never met so many women who act single but have boyfriends. I have been out with women, you think they are single, spend your time, money, energy, and resources, then see her facebook and she hugged with with some guy name Reggie lol.

‘K I kind of awake now. :lol:

Does this mean ole boy just didn’t do his research? :lol: Plus single does = not married…technically. As a gyrl I make sure to ask about the presence of both a girlfriend and a babby momma, who often time is the fall-back piece but technically not his girlfriend. Semantics, one heck of a game. Gotta ask the right questions. ;)

SexyCool

December 20th, 2010
10:49 am

Um..yeah…about the adding folk on FaceBook…I’m not adding someone that I *just* met to my FB page.

I have always preferred men who led. I will say that when I met TheDude, because of the circumstances, I gave him my number before he asked. However, from there, he took the wheel and I must say, I like the way he handles the ride.

As for a *timeframe*, it is really more about where two peoples lives intersect at any given point. Sometimes, waiting works. Sometimes, it doesn’t. However, it was usually my experience that if a date wasn’t forthcoming fairly quickly, my belief was that there was some rotation management or even just a whole pile of life going on and spending time with me wasn’t a priority….to which I learned to say “Thanks, but no thanks.”

SlimNumeroUno

December 20th, 2010
10:49 am

‘what if they are, and you know they are, but is respectful of your current situation?’

Um, I would be glad that they care enough to be respectful of the current situation as I also would be. ;-)

TenderRoni

December 20th, 2010
10:49 am

@2..Sure did…lol guys used to sing that to me in high school.

Sassy Me..4 days til MY birthday :-)

December 20th, 2010
10:50 am

I have never met so many women who act single but have boyfriends.

Men do it,too and it’s such a waste of time. There’s a married guy here at my job that’s sweatin me and is MARRIED….GTFOH. WHY is that?!
I have had guys who are in relationships/married flirt with me and want to do things like go out/date but I’m like “Ain’t you with somebody”?,…then I get the I’m not happy at homesob story…like that’s supposed to work…swallow deep on theeze

M. (pronouced M dot)

December 20th, 2010
10:51 am

@Rell

LOL thats true. Reggie probably used to take her out alot but not lately so she needs to still feel desired and get that ego boost so she will let a guy take her out so she can still feel like she is in demand in somebody’s eyes.

Meanwhile, Reggie got his other woman over lol…

@Kimmie

No hard time at all. I was just curious since the topic was on dating, if and when women pay for dates. Is it after the 1st, 10th date or never lol.

Sassy Me..4 days til MY birthday :-)

December 20th, 2010
10:52 am

It’s all about Romie an him big fat sister Nyomi.

The two of dem act like dem know meee

kimmie

December 20th, 2010
10:55 am

Reggie got his other woman over

M dot – Then it’s a good thing she’s dating others and not sitting at home crying over Reggie. Reggie hasn’t put a ring on it, so if he can go out with others, so can she.

But you can’t blame others for your failure to do due diligence.

Kimmy

December 20th, 2010
10:56 am

You can talk, text and email all day, but really you should be going out very soon after meeting. It helps to be able to really connect. If I meet you and we have a few phones, but no invitation out then I would place you in either “he’s just no that into you” or “fishing around” column and move on.

M. (pronouced M dot)

December 20th, 2010
10:58 am

@Sassy

LOL wow thats crazy.

My theory is women mess up because they always think a guy is lying and a men mess up because they think a woman wont lie!

I think it looks worse when the women do it because guys think every woman is going to be sweet and caring like their mom lol.

SexyCool

December 20th, 2010
10:59 am

Sassy – as you well know, those guys try that line because it’s worked before and will work again on some other *weak-minded, desperate for attention chick.*

kimmie

December 20th, 2010
10:59 am

Sassy – Me too with the married or otherwise occupied dudes and it gets old.

In fact, this is the case with alot of those that dragged their feet about asking me out – they were “otherwise occupied”! That’s another reason why I’m so turned off by guys that drag their feet – they are dragging them for a reason.

TenderRoni

December 20th, 2010
11:00 am

good post Sassy..like I said men do it too. Its games, people (men and women) act shady from jump street. Lately I’m all about action speak louder than words. Because people Word is NOT bond anymore, people just don’t care what they say to folks anymore.
If you show interest in me, I show interest in you, then we go from there

kimmie

December 20th, 2010
11:03 am

Lying looks bad on men and women. It doesn’t look worse for one gender over the other.

And everybody’s mama wasn’t sweet & caring. Everyone isn’t trying to date their mama or their daddy. Their parents were trifling and they are trying to break the cycle.

M. (pronouced M dot)

December 20th, 2010
11:05 am

@kimmie

True that. Also maybe shes not worth it and Reggie is remembering that one man’s wife was another man’s jumpoff. :)

Rell - the blue chewy

December 20th, 2010
11:06 am

If he continues to call/text/email me and makes the efforts to spend non-pyshical time with me, it makes me like him more. Eventually…it will lead me to make a move

^^^its the EVENTUALLY that trips us up….lol…you just holding back because you can..then i am suppose to be happy when you deliver the goods…lol…I would be peeved because we both know its just regular saltines…lol…its the other stuff about you that I will love…not just you giving me that freak…because you are going to give me your version of freak…my version maybe a little more than yours…lol

Delight23 ...Heading South for X-Mas

December 20th, 2010
11:08 am

I think it looks worse when the women do it because guys think every woman is going to be sweet and caring like their mom lol.

Hmmm…wonder if that’s what the guys said about “mom” before dad won her over. Perception vs. reality and antiquated azz thinking.

kimmie

December 20th, 2010
11:09 am

M dot – Oh, okay.

Like I said, have some style & finese. It’s always more attractive than typical street fare.

SlimNumeroUno

December 20th, 2010
11:12 am

Rell – you shouldn’t roll your eyes, they may get stuck like that one day lol But for seriously (lol) the question is in regards to taking to long to invite someone out… I still lubs you doh ;-)

2CPTG©--"that dude from da innanet"

December 20th, 2010
11:13 am

BMW….hey Ms. Lady….I just found out who you were; How’s life?

Page1908

December 20th, 2010
11:17 am

Someone mentioned earlier that it depends on the situation when it comes to waiting or not waiting. It’s hard because as a woman you don’t want to be too aggressive, but at the same time, you don’t want to take a chance and go for it.

Delight23 ...Heading South for X-Mas

December 20th, 2010
11:18 am

VERY RANDOM: (but I need to wake up)

hey! Gotta gotta pay back!! (The big payback)
Revenge!! I’m mad (the big payback)
Got to get back! Need some get back!! Pay Back! (the big payback)
There it tis!! Payback!!! Revenge!!!
I’m mad!!

Page1908

December 20th, 2010
11:18 am

BMW!! Girl, now you know you better call me. LOL *eyeroll*

kimmie

December 20th, 2010
11:19 am

Hey Page! What’s going on? Happy Holidays!!

Page1908

December 20th, 2010
11:20 am

Hello Kimmie!! I’m totally awesome, how are you! *hugs*

Delight23 ...Heading South for X-Mas

December 20th, 2010
11:21 am

I would be peeved because we both know its just regular saltines…lol

Sound like time for a new bakery; a little jaded are we :?: Could be Captain’s Wafers. U don’t know. :P

M. (pronouced M dot)

December 20th, 2010
11:21 am

@kimmie

Yup I think that turns women off if a guy is to thirsty. I just try to maybe have a quick conversation, see what they are talking about and then set up a date.

My only problem is lately I have been meeting some really nice and attractive women with too many kids. Met a very attractive woman saturday at a holiday party and she has 2 kids. My kid limit is 0 lol

kimmie

December 20th, 2010
11:26 am

Page – Hugs back atcha!! I’m awesome as well!

M. (pronouced M dot)

December 20th, 2010
11:30 am

@Kimmie
@Sassy

What if yall go dutch?

Does it make a guy cheap if he goes dutch on the first few dates? My friend said he doesnt spend alot of money on a woman he just met?

Melo!!

December 20th, 2010
11:37 am

M dot!!

U cracking me up buddy! :lol:

all ur posts are on fire!

Denise

December 20th, 2010
11:38 am

Thanks for the warm welcome!

I think it depends on how you meet. If you meet someone online, it can go two ways. You either want to meet them ASAP to see if you want to be bothered. (And to see if the pictures are the truth!!!) Or you want to wait a minute to get a feel for them to make sure they are “safe” even though you definitely want to meet them in a public place regardless. I’ve done both and both have worked out well. Met the jack@$$ soon and was able to run right off. Met the two nice ones after a little while and liked both of them. (The pictures were a little off…bellies weren’t on the pics but by the time we met I liked them as people! LOL!

If you meet someone face to face, you probably already have the feel for “he probably won’t chop me up into small pieces” so I think after fewer conversations (few = your comfort zone) an “outing” is a good thing to go on. An outing is different from a date in that you don’t spend a lot of time, you pay for your own drink/dinner/dessert/etc. so there is no expection, and you can decide from there if you want to spend some more quality time. A quick hug or handshake goodbye is about the only displays of affection.

The outing can be for either one. My first online meetings are definitely what I call outings. After that, it’s either on or off. No harm, no foul. Date or more outings may follow…or not. You haven’t invested much.

As for my new boo (tomorrow will be only 3 weeks since we met; that’s why I said he needs to slow down!!!), we went on an outing but we’ve been on some real dates since the first outing. Until last night he never came to my house (even though I don’t think he’ll chop me to bits) so it wasn’t the “he picks me up and drops me off” kind of date, but they were definitely not “oh, he’s just this dude that is going to pay for my dinner” type deals.

Simple Man!!!!

December 20th, 2010
11:39 am

“swallow deep on theeze…”

What up peeps??? I planned on just lurking today, But then Sassy drps this gem….LOL

Thats why you are alright with me!!! LOL

Dan - Simply...Superior

December 20th, 2010
11:39 am

@MDot

Leading with your wallet goes both ways: DTM and worrying about DTM.

Take her (them) to stuff you wanna do, but think she/they might find interesting as well, that way you’re spending money on something you’d likely do anyway and she’s along for the ride.

This accomplishes not leading with the wallet and y’all are getting to know each other.

If it’s a movie you wanna see, bowling, golfing, a museum, a club, or a bar – do you and let her/them follow.

Rell - the blue chewy

December 20th, 2010
11:42 am

@BMW…gotan project – paris, texas

kimmie

December 20th, 2010
11:45 am

M dot:

Dutch is for when I go out to lunch with my coworkers or hanging out with my girlfriends. Not for dates. I went on one dutch “date” and that was when I was a freshman in college.

With me it’s all or nothing. I will treat for the whole dinner or like if we go to the movies, he’ll get the tickets and I buy the popcorn. Either way, dividing up the bill at the table or counter is not a good look for a date.

As for your friend, it does not make a lot of sense to spend a lot of money on dates unless it’s a special occasion, even if you can afford to. It gives you nothing to look forward to and is not practical for average people. Plus I get to thinking he’s putting too much effort in trying to impress me with material things. You gotta bring more than that to impress me. I’m used to nice things, but that’s all they are, things. I also get to thinking you might not be responsible with your money.