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Should you wait for a date?

You always hear dating advice to women about how men are supposed to pursue you when they are truly interested. We know that “when he’s into you” he will and then you will know that it’s real.

I don’t know if that is always the case though. A lot of men are laid back and take things slow because they don’t like to rush things. If you meet someone that you are interested in, how long should you wait to go out with them?

For some people, the process is: swap phone numbers; hold a few conversations on the phone to weed out the crazies or married people; text and/or email; add each other on Facebook; schedule a date. I have known at least three relationships that started this way. The date didn’t get set up right away at all.

Is there a time frame when a date should be scheduled? If someone hasn’t asked you out, do you move on right away and cut off communication?

How long do you usually wait to set up a date after you meet someone?

Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Blog

293 comments Add your comment

Dan - Simply...Superior

December 20th, 2010
8:39 am

A man that waits too long risks the “friend zone” where is not a sexual threat/thought.

Too aggressive, and you may scare her off.

Ultimately, it comes down to deciding if this female is worth the time/effort of pursuit (”qualifying” aside). Once that decision is made, it’s full steam ahead.

To the point, no one should wait; state your intentions, let the object of your affection decide and KIP.

Beautiful

December 20th, 2010
8:42 am

gmorn! tryn to take a fb break… thot i wud visit this week. or maybe not cause this blog doesnt hold my attention that long anymore. shoot, its been i think over four yrs!

anyhoo, it goes both ways for me. i pursue the ones i know like me as much as i like him, but he wont make the move. he loved it. or they jus prolly like the attention. who doesnt like to get attention? or spoiled with advances? but im an impatient dater. i like stuff to pop off now. the only thing that must wait is my kiddies. off limits!

2CPTG©--"that dude from da innanet"

December 20th, 2010
8:44 am

G’morning….

For the most part, I agree with Dan…”it comes down to deciding if this female is worth the time/effort of pursuit.”

But on the other hand, not too sure if this is always the case, “A man that waits too long risks the “friend zone” where is not a sexual threat/thought.”

sometimes waiting can be to you benefit.

2CPTG©--"that dude from da innanet"

December 20th, 2010
8:46 am

Beautiful…..so you want everything to “pop off now,” but you ain’t shakin nothing? gal, please!

Rell - the blue chewy

December 20th, 2010
8:48 am

wait wait wait wait….thats still a mystery i cannot solve when it comes to women…make me wait because you want a relationship…but you will screw the next dude on the same day….dont understand that….then women will try and sell you that the relationship and waiting or her friendship is the best option for you….lol…..naw i want the “nut” option you gave the last dude..lol

Dan - Simply...Superior

December 20th, 2010
8:49 am

@2C

I’m talking about that window between “yeah, he can get it” to “we should shop (talk about hair, makeup, etc).”

IE the moment she gets too comfortable.

Beautiful

December 20th, 2010
8:53 am

Dan - Simply...Superior

December 20th, 2010
8:55 am

@Rell

That’s not a mystery, that’s a choice.

Respect the fact that she made it and react accordingly.

Beautiful

December 20th, 2010
8:57 am

my thing is why wait? chemistry is right… we are attracted to each other… we make each other laugh… we aint getn married, we`re jus gonna try dating to get to know each other better.

Dan - Simply...Superior

December 20th, 2010
9:01 am

@Beautiful

The problem is outcome.

The linear equation usually ends at two different points: for you, “getting to know him”; for him GTD, then “getting to know you”.

Beautiful

December 20th, 2010
9:02 am

Rell - the blue chewy

December 20th, 2010
9:04 am

@dan…we know your smart brah….my comment was made in jest…did i miss sometime on the calendar or something..lol…lighten up…its christmas

Law 4

Always Say Less than Necessary

When you are trying to impress people with words, the more you say, the more common you appear, and the less in control. Even if you are saying something banal, it will seem original if you make it vague, open-ended, and sphinxlike. Powerful people impress and intimidate by saying less. The more you say, the more likely you are to say something foolish.

YesSheIsCute

December 20th, 2010
9:04 am

Good morning everyone! I am socrates when it comes to dating. I know that I know nothing. I guess I just don’t have an opinion anymore…. hehe

@ Rell lol! but seriously I dont understand why guys do that. I was talking to one guy awhile ago and he gave me the spanish inquisition about my last relationships and why they didnt work out and he was wondering why he had to “suffer” (i.e. make him wait), when I rushed into it with the last dude. I was like either you like me and you can slow your roll or you don’t like me that much so which one is it? I explained to him that I’ve learned my lesson and I’m not trying to get my feelings hurt again….but yeah he kinda acted like i was depriving him of food.

Beautiful

December 20th, 2010
9:07 am

does that stand for getn the drawls? hehe… i honestly dont see nothing wrong with that. i hate that that is considered unclassy or not lady like. cus i totally understand where you fellas are coming from.

Rell - the blue chewy

December 20th, 2010
9:09 am

@Yessheiscute…its a valid question…why were you so on fire before and now that you know better you want to go slow….from a mans view..its a knock to our ego…like what i am not hot enough or do you think I am that square to wait for you…so what have you learn to make you wait?…do you not feel that you were a part of the last breakup?

Dan - Simply...Superior

December 20th, 2010
9:10 am

@Rell

Believe it or not, this is how I am, I’m not trying to show out/off for anyone. And, my comment wasn’t meant to come off as in any way serious.

@Beautiful

About that picnic 2C was talking about….

Beautiful

December 20th, 2010
9:11 am

lol @ depriving him of food! gotta use that.

blue©

December 20th, 2010
9:15 am

Morning People,

i dont understand thsi whole waiting thing. if you’re interestd, do the d@mn thing! all this adhering to rules of dating and specified timeframes imo is crazy. you wait your week or 2 or whatever to be in the appropriate zone and he/she has grown interested in someone else by the time you make your intentions known. you snooze, you lose.

Celisea

December 20th, 2010
9:16 am

Blogging from my IPAQ…phone lines down at work so laptop not connected. I think if there’s some interest established between the two then a few phone conversations or some means of communication are in order. However and ultimately a face to face should be closely followed. You wouldn’t want to chat things up and extended amount of time only to find personally and physically it’s not a match.

Beautiful

December 20th, 2010
9:18 am

i agree blue!

Rell - the blue chewy

December 20th, 2010
9:22 am

@blue…i always thought the same thing…but a couple of weeks ago…I read an article by this guy that states…if she makes you wait be happy – it means she thinks you are boyfriend material…I just LMAO and thought…man i bet you somewhere there is a guy that believes the wait/friend zone is where the action is at…lol

Celisea

December 20th, 2010
9:22 am

It’s Monday….please forgive the typos

Sassy Me..4 days til MY birthday :-)

December 20th, 2010
9:22 am

lighten up…its christmas

For real right?! :lol:

When it comes to waiting I think you should do what you feel comfortable doing…be it waiting or not. There can be draw backs or good turnouts to both scenarios…if you wait you might miss an oopportunity or you might win out b/c of your patience. On the other hand if you rush into it things might still work out or someone may get his/her feelings hurt so either way it’s a mixed bag. I think it’s a situation we have to gauge each time.

Delight23 ...Heading South for X-Mas

December 20th, 2010
9:26 am

Morning People. Sleepy as all get -out. :-(

Is it Wednesday yet :?:

@Dan, seriously seems like jokes. @Rell, that silent brooding thing depends on the subject/environment. My understanding is that “powerful” people are succint and deliberate. Quiet :?: :roll:

Delight23 ...Heading South for X-Mas

December 20th, 2010
9:28 am

@topic: I’m grown and get to the point. I won’t waste your time, please don’t waste mine. Are U single, married, invovled, looking to decrease or increase the current line-up, etc.

Is it wrong that I want a shot of Kahlua in my coffee right now? :?

Sassy Me..4 days til MY birthday :-)

December 20th, 2010
9:31 am

Is it wrong that I want a shot of Kahlua in my coffee right now?

No not at all…I wouldn’t mind a shot myself. ;-)

Celisea

December 20th, 2010
9:32 am

No computer sux! It’s too cold on the other side of the floor to migrate

Luvbug

December 20th, 2010
9:34 am

If you asked me, I would tell you to wait and let the friendship develop…so on and so forth. But if history is any indication, I’ve always ended up with the guy who just jumped right in there…always sooner than I was confortable. LOL

blue©

December 20th, 2010
9:58 am

@Rell – the blue chewy? lol. gotta wonder where these so-called experts get this advice from. if i make you wait, it has nothing to do with thinking your boyfriend material. its more along the line of thinking your not boyfriend material…just a tad backwards imo…

kimmie

December 20th, 2010
9:59 am

Morning Gang!

It’s been MY experience that guys that waited forever to ask me out were usually trifling. Might sound harsh, but like I said, that’s the way it always worked. They were usually the cheap ones with no style. Again, just my experience. Nothing whatsoever to wait on. I’ve gotten frustrated and went on and suggested meeting up, but I don’t like having to do that. I’m old school, again, that’s me & how I am. It’s a dog-eat-dog world out here and a dude that’s too lame to go on and do the dang thang is probably lame in other areas too. My experience. Yes, you will quickly get put in the friend zone, because while you’re still trying to make up your mind, I’m already out with someone else.

I like a man that knows what he wants and goes after it, period. Everyone that I liked and ended up spending more that a few dates with reacted that way. It’s really quite simple – we met in whatever manner we met, talked a bit and made plans to see each other. If you’re assertive in pursuing me 9 times out of 10 you are assertive in other areas of your life, like your career, causes you are passionate about, etc. I like that – a person that LIVES their life, instead of letting life live them!

He who hesitates is lost, with me anyway!

Celisea

December 20th, 2010
9:59 am

I will say this though…if you have that “connection” you will have at least connected well enough to have an established friendship :)

kimmie

December 20th, 2010
10:02 am

Oh, and miss me with the “you let that other dude do XYZ, why not me” mess. We’re talking getting to the first DATE here. We shouldn’t even be discussing what I did or didn’t do with other dudes and how fast I let them do things at that point, if ever.

Rell - the blue chewy

December 20th, 2010
10:02 am

@blue…the blue chewy = viagra..lol

Yea i thought the same thing..but that just goes to point out how “mass media” trys to soften the male…I always thought that if i am in the wait zone she is not too excited about me…meaning she cant go show me off to her friends….etc etc…

M. (pronouced M dot)

December 20th, 2010
10:03 am

Good day…

“Is there a time frame when a date should be scheduled? If someone hasn’t asked you out, do you move on right away and cut off communication?”

I think the time frame should be within the first week. If you offer to take her out and she agrees but then flakes out, toss the number. Shes really not interested. If someone wants to go out with you, they will make time. If they have to stay up late, sacrifice sleep, get a babysitter, or board their dog, they will find a way to go out with you. Simple & Plain!

I think the biggest problem and mistake people make in dating is if the first date goes well, and a second and third date goes into the mix, people dont know when to reciprocate. Usually if the guy is planning and making all the dates, some women dont know when they should start reciprocating. This is a huge turn off for guys because after a while he is going to feel like he is “Trying out for the woman” and he may just let it go.

2CPTG©--"that dude from da innanet"

December 20th, 2010
10:08 am

please forgive me if I’m reading y’all ladies wrong, but from what I’m reading, y’all saying don’t procrastinate in asking you out; be assertive, aggressive, and all that other stuff, right?

kimmie

December 20th, 2010
10:11 am

2Can – I don’t speak for the others, but yes, do the dang thang. I hate being sort of dangling, not knowing if you are really feeling me and interested in getting to know me or just being nice. Make you interest clear.

Celisea

December 20th, 2010
10:11 am

please forgive me if I’m reading y’all ladies wrong, but from what I’m reading, y’all saying don’t procrastinate in asking you out; be assertive, aggressive, and all that other stuff, right?

All day long. You want it, you asked….go for it. More than likely that spark or fire you felt initially will simmer if you smooze too long.

M. (pronouced M dot)

December 20th, 2010
10:13 am

@Rell

LOL I feel what you are saying. I honestly think us guys end up waiting sometimes because when we meet a woman, its like we have to get in line because there are USUALLy (I am generalizing) 4 guys in her life when you come in:

1. A guy that has bf potential but they may not be their just yet.
2. An Ex who she is still on and off with.
3. A FWB
4. A male friend who is like a brother or just likes hanging around her.

blue©

December 20th, 2010
10:19 am

@2C – y’all saying don’t procrastinate in asking you out; be assertive, aggressive, and all that other stuff, right – for me, yes…and that if im really interested myself, im gonna be “assertive, aggresive, and all that other stuff” lol

Celisea

December 20th, 2010
10:19 am

4 guys in her life when you come in:
1. A guy that has bf potential but they may not be their just yet.
2. An Ex who she is still on and off with.
3. A FWB
4. A male friend who is like a brother or just likes hanging around her

That’s a bit presumptous don’t you think? Everybody don’t have exes just hanging on and hanging around and everybody don’t aimlessly do the do. You can scratch off at least 2…lol

Y'all are Kidz

December 20th, 2010
10:20 am

If a guy pretends not to show interest and wants to take it slow, he doesn’t care that much about you, or he has a better piece and you are his back up plan.
If the dude digs you, he’s one step from being a pain in the ass. The other problem is, if he just wants to tag it, he’s the same way.

2CPTG©--"that dude from da innanet"

December 20th, 2010
10:20 am

Kimmie, Celisea, why don’t y’all ask the dude out, then?

Celisea

December 20th, 2010
10:23 am

Celisea, why don’t y’all ask the dude out, then?

2Can – When is your next trip to Atlanta? Can I take you out? I kid I kid…What I’m saying though is if you’ve shown a spark of interest and the ball is rolling, we need to move forward…get the dang thing going. I mean once we’re on the phone or communicating I have no problem asking….soooo when are we going to do this?

I’m leaning with Kimmie though, if you’re slow to ask more than likely there are other areas within you life where you’re lack luster.

kimmie

December 20th, 2010
10:25 am

2Can – Read my 1st paragraph – I said I’ve ended up suggesting we meet up, but I don’t like to do that. I’m old school and make no explanations or apologies for that. It works for me. It’s been my experience when we start out that way, me basically taking the man’s role, it’s downhill from there.

M. (pronouced M dot)

December 20th, 2010
10:25 am

@Celisea

LOL I see your point but also guys make false assumptions because when they meet a woman, some guys assume that she is at home baking oatmeal cookies and waiting on him to call…nope they are out doing their thing.

Guys can go out with a woman, etc…she eats up your food and goes home and calls up the next dude. Last week on the Steve Harvey dating segment, the guy saw the girl texting on the date and she admitted that she was trying to get plans clear for later that night….ridiculous…lol

Celisea

December 20th, 2010
10:25 am

Where you lack luster..not you’re….I’m having a brain freeze from the temp in this office

M. (pronouced M dot)

December 20th, 2010
10:27 am

@Ladies

If its a guy you like, when if do you start to pay for dates?

Celisea

December 20th, 2010
10:27 am

Don’t get me wrong though, I’ll “push along” once I see mutual interest but just walking up to folks asking them out or initiating a hookup…not my style. I’m only asking though because you’re dragging your feet. I would think if there’s a spark of mutual interest you, being the man, would naturally want to get it moving….by asking

Rell - the blue chewy

December 20th, 2010
10:28 am

@M…both your post where on post…even that list of 4…it may not apply now but it will and has applied before…

women like aggressive men…who knew…lol…i thought women wanted there voice and choice when it comes to relationships…lol

TenderRoni

December 20th, 2010
10:30 am

I think that list can go both ways.
If after IM, chatting, emailing, phones, and still I don’t get asked on a date…you fade in the black.