Dating: Are you in the wrong relationship?
If you are having doubts about the person you are dating, does it mean you are in the wrong relationship? I ask because a couple of different people have told me that they want to end their relationship because of a few doubts they have.
One guy told me that he pursued a woman for months and thought he wanted to be exclusive with her. When the realized they had zero chemistry in the bedroom, suddenly she’s the wrong person for him.
Interestingly enough, a woman I know from yoga told me that she doubts her boyfriend is the one because he doesn’t show any affection whatsoever. She is the type that needs that from a relationship.
Do you think we have these ideas about what relationships should be about and bail out too fast when we don’t get it? Are you in the wrong relationship because they aren’t satisfying an important need?
How do you rank those needs in importance? What do you think you have to have in a relationship that would make you want to stick it out?
Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Blog
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261 comments Add your comment
Rell -bout it, bout it
December 17th, 2010
8:55 am
One guy told me that he pursued a woman for months and thought he wanted to be exclusive with her. When the realized they had zero chemistry in the bedroom, suddenly she’s the wrong person for him
^^^this occurs when you value the chick more than you value yourself…or you just out to see her O face..zero chemistry…folks make me laugh with these self-deceptive line of thinking!
Dan - Simply...Superior
December 17th, 2010
9:01 am
Valid point Rell,
Though too, people craft these fantasies of “ideal” and like a kid’s belief in Santa (or Republicans in tax cuts), there is no telling ‘em anything different – that’s what life is.
Simple Man!!!!
December 17th, 2010
9:06 am
What good fellas???
On Topic…..
This happens to me all the time!!!I chase ‘em down and after a minute I figure out that the forever I wanted to invest in them only lasted the weekend….
Rell -bout it, bout it
December 17th, 2010
9:11 am
@simple man
- chasing women does not pay off. When you are chasing women…in reality you are chasing the last woman…every woman does not enjoy the “chase”…hell some just go along with the program because that what they were taught to do…lay back and enjoy the pursuit….but the next time you come across a lady..lay back…haunt her life…meaning come to her indirect and then you will see if she fits the simple man plan….other than that you just throwing ish against the wall hoping something sticks!
Sweet Pea
December 17th, 2010
9:13 am
Good Morning and Happy Friday
If you have expressed whatever concerns you have in the relationship with your s/o and it’s still stagnant then maybe you are in the wrong relationship. I feel no need to remain in something where the other person doesn’t appear to be interested especially after the talk and you appear to be oblivious to obvious. zero chemistry = wrong relationship..IMO
TenderRoni
December 17th, 2010
9:15 am
@Rell, are you saying that men get caught up in the thrill of the chase,but the thrill is gone when the results (doing-the-do)are a let down?
@Simple, you sure you don’t have commitment phobes?
Sweet Pea
December 17th, 2010
9:17 am
oops left out a word…be oblivious to obvious…
meant to say “be oblivious to the obvious”
Rell -bout it, bout it
December 17th, 2010
9:18 am
@Rell, are you saying that men get caught up in the thrill of the chase,but the thrill is gone when the results (doing-the-do)are a let down?
- @tr…its not about the “relations” that cause the man to be let down…its him…its him self-decieving himself into thinking this female will make him whole….
Sweet Pea
December 17th, 2010
9:20 am
@Rell~ I enjoy your commentary!
Rell -bout it, bout it
December 17th, 2010
9:25 am
@sweet pea..thanks!
2CPTG©--"that dude from da innanet"
December 17th, 2010
9:26 am
G’morning….
this is quite simple..if YOUR basic needs aren’t met, then yeah, you are in the wrong relationship! hangin around in hopes that things’ll get better or work its way out, only sets you up for failure in the long run. Or, opens the door for cheating! Rell, you made a good point, you gotta value yourself, more than you value the chic. sounds harsh on the surface, but that’s how it goes.
blue©
December 17th, 2010
9:28 am
Morning Peoples….
yeah, i think there are folks who bail too fast. they have an ideal in their head, and when he/she chews too loud, they cant hack it. i think it takes an honest eval of your list, a priotity check…that way when they do something that gets your dander up, you can accurately rate where it stands on the “am i out of here?” meter….
2CPTG©--"that dude from da innanet"
December 17th, 2010
9:30 am
“yeah, i think there are folks who bail too fast.”
I believe the exact opposite; I think folks hang around too long (in some instances)!
Dan - Simply...Superior
December 17th, 2010
9:31 am
Part of valuing yourself is realizing that no one else can make you whole, happy, or feel anything other than loved by them.
If you looking outside yourself for happiness, you in the hole already.
And the last thing anybody wants is to fill in another person.
Rell -bout it, bout it
December 17th, 2010
9:33 am
@2c…i think dudes are just too quick now a days…I have seen brothers go to the extreme for what???….Women dont like things given to them..if you do give in to early..prepare to be the next project for her…women love to think about mulitply things at once…so if your one dimensional and she is not longer exciting…its not HER its YOU player..2c I agree with your post…dudes take no time now-a-days to qualify a woman
Simple Man!!!!
December 17th, 2010
9:35 am
Rell…I feel you, But I would be lying If I said I did not enjoy the chase…. I do.The dating game for me is just that….I am honest and I don’t get into misleading ladies, but the fun is in the cat and mouse…( for me anyway)
TenderRoni, No, I am not afraid of commitment, and When I am blown away I will do just that. But I am also not one of those folk that feels incomplete if I am not in a relationship
blue©
December 17th, 2010
9:36 am
@2C – think folks hang around too long – id agree with that one too. allabout priorities…and if they are crossing out BIG ones from your list, gotta put a stop to waiting for them to pencil em back in..
2CPTG©--"that dude from da innanet"
December 17th, 2010
9:40 am
“dudes take no time now-a-days to qualify a woman”
yep….
Rell -bout it, bout it
December 17th, 2010
9:41 am
@simple man…cool, i am just speaking my piece on it…you can have the cat and mouse…i would just suggest women with more imagination to pursue
TenderRoni
December 17th, 2010
9:41 am
@Simple, so are you at a point where dating is all that you want? or are you seriously ready to committ?
@Rell, that 9:33 very on point!
the truth hurts
December 17th, 2010
9:42 am
Those are both legit reasons. Better to find out now on the sex thing, and the differences in affection is not something that can be easily overcome.
Some people are naturally affectionate, and some aren’t. I you like to touch and be touched, this can be an enduring problem.
Leggs
December 17th, 2010
9:42 am
Good morning!
“If you looking outside yourself for happiness, you in the hole already.”
You damn skippy!!!
SlimNumeroUno
December 17th, 2010
9:42 am
Morning….
Dan - Simply...Superior
December 17th, 2010
9:42 am
@Simple
Waiting to be “blown away” will keep you twisting in the wind my boy.
There is no magic bullet, perfect woman, or special lady. She’s someone you wanna spend your time with. Someone that compliments the life you you’re building for yourself.
Waiting on “the one” is waiting on Godot, and good luck with that.
Dan - Simply...Superior
December 17th, 2010
9:44 am
Rell/2C
Would one of y’all explain “qualify”-ing a person to me?
I’m lost
2CPTG©--"that dude from da innanet"
December 17th, 2010
9:45 am
I’mma even take it a step further….lotta women claim their “goodies” are their most prized possession, and it takes awhile to get to it; Ms. Lady, hate to be the bearer of bad news, but actually it ain’t, or should be! Your “heart” should be what you value the most….’cause I can knock you off and not give two sh!ts about you…but my heart…you get that, you got some’n!
2CPTG©--"that dude from da innanet"
December 17th, 2010
9:50 am
Dan….qualifying a woman?
Think outside the box for a second; Same way you would evaluate any major purchase you make; Is it gon’ stand the test of time, how are the safety features, what does the research say about it, how does it test drive, does it fit “you”….feel where I’m coming from?
Simple Man!!!!
December 17th, 2010
9:56 am
TenderRoni, I am at a point where I refuse to make finding a wife the sole point of dating. I love women and maybe one day i will meet the person that I will spend the rest of my life with. But my life will not be incomplete if i do not find her. Maybe she is someone i already know…Maybe she is the girl that the mall or at Kroger..Dating and meeting ladies is fun, i enjoy spending time and getting to know them…I enjoy the moment. No harm, no foul….
Melo!!
December 17th, 2010
9:59 am
@2Can?!
but chicks say that about their goodies…9.45 because once the goodies are tempered with,the heart gets compromised.
Dudes or most dudes are not affected like that….
A nutt is just that…a release..the heart is still intact.
Not so with the sophisticates!
good morning fellas and cuties
DreamsMaterialize
December 17th, 2010
9:59 am
Do you think we have these ideas about what relationships should be about and bail out too fast when we don’t get it?
Nope. If you feel you can’t live with it, then bounce. Don’t “stick it out” for my sake (I won’t do it)…just prolonging the inevitable.
TenderRoni
December 17th, 2010
10:03 am
@Simple…idk it could just be me, but there is a different mind set between dating and being ready to commit. to me when you are ready to commit you take meeting someone a little more seriously.
Rell -bout it, bout it
December 17th, 2010
10:05 am
@2c….BOTH of your recent post I cosign..btw pimpin…i am playing “crumbs to brix”..lol
@Dan….what 2c said!..Qualifying…also with qualifying comes ugrading…so you should be always re-inventing yourself or adding a new skill…or having goals for your relationship…like what worked in 10 will not work 2011…so if you are boo’d up after new years is the time to say we are going to do…we are going to be this much further along in our relationship…we are going to try….think project management and stick to those things….its goes along way with being a man of your word…also women like to have things to look forward to..something to think on…men where built for work…women were built to help and rest….just something to think about
Simple Man!!!!
December 17th, 2010
10:09 am
TenderRoni….Are you involved seriously with someone???? If not, is finding a partner your only focus? Does it drive every interaction you have with men?
Dan - Simply...Superior
December 17th, 2010
10:09 am
@2C
I’m still marinating on that one…
@Rell
“Upgrading?” I take your point, but feel me on this. While I take my past with me, my goal in life is “ever onward, ever upward” so upgrading in that sense is something I’mma do anyway.
Now, if we get to talking about life paths and she wanna roll with mine, cool; if not, cool too.
My path is set before me, the woman that’s with me walks it with me.
Melo!!
December 17th, 2010
10:14 am
@Simple!
I agree with TRoni’s 10.03.
Melo!!
December 17th, 2010
10:15 am
Enter your comments here
Rell -bout it, bout it
December 17th, 2010
10:16 am
@dan…cool..i can feel that.
2CPTG©--"that dude from da innanet"
December 17th, 2010
10:17 am
Melo,
“Dudes or most dudes are not affected like that….
A nutt is just that…a release..the heart is still intact.”
that’s why the dude in Diva’s post immediately wanted to dismiss ‘ol girl after he found out her goodies weren’t all that…He probably spent months (and much loot) trying to woo this chic, only to be let down later on down the road….silly rabbit!
free2be
December 17th, 2010
10:21 am
ppl can wind up in the wrong relationship b/c what they value is not solid. whatever a relationship is built on needs to be solid and lasting. if it’s based on surface stuff the bottom will fall out at some point. looks, status and knowing the “right” ppl will come ago but if there’s trust, chemistry (not just physical), good communication and similar life’s goals…you can build something from that.
M. (pronouced M dot)
December 17th, 2010
10:21 am
Friday.
I think if you are having doubts in the relationship, the problem may be that you two dont have the same relationship agendas.
There are basically 3 kinds of relationships (listed below) and when you two arent on the same page, thats when the problems start. People bail out because they fear being straight forward about their agendas and thinking these problems will correct themselves over time.
Potential makes me want to stick out the relationship.
1. Emotional
2. Physical
3. Financial
These problems are even in the post.
Example 1: Physical
“One guy told me that he pursued a woman for months and thought he wanted to be exclusive with her. When the realized they had zero chemistry in the bedroom, suddenly she’s the wrong person for him.”
Example 2: Emotional
“Interestingly enough, a woman I know from yoga told me that she doubts her boyfriend is the one because he doesn’t show any affection whatsoever. She is the type that needs that from a relationship.”
TenderRoni
December 17th, 2010
10:21 am
When I seriously was seeking a committed relationship, I took dating more serious…to help me sift through the rift-raft of men. I was specific and upfront with men when I was serious, I didn’t have the nonchalant attitude. My focus was meeting quality men, and focus on the compability, the communication, and is he someone i can believe in, I focused more on developing a deeper connection with him, and not something on the surface.
Rell - 4000 degreez
December 17th, 2010
10:23 am
He probably spent months (and much loot) trying to woo this chic, only to be let down later on down the road….silly rabbit!
- yep dude was simpin…..lol@much loot….because dudes cant ID the chicks that will drain the pockets..they go into the “trick” bag date one…lol
blue©
December 17th, 2010
10:25 am
random rant: dear people: you know when your going on vacation. you also know i have other work to do. please dont bring you’re last minute cr@p to me “rush rush, gotta have it b4 i go” when you let lapse all this time…now you’re desk is clear andmine is a mess….as a wise person once said “Lack of preparation on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part”
back to regularly scheduled programming….
Leggs
December 17th, 2010
10:41 am
@TenderRoni ~ I’m definitely feeling your 10:21. When you take it seriously its much easier to weed out the rift raft and the men that drop IS all over the place. Let’s hope there’s only one of him out there.
SexyCool
December 17th, 2010
10:43 am
I have so much more to say on this subject than I have time to say it or even space to do so.
Having spent much of my younger years in the wrong relationships, I am grateful now for the lessons that going and growing through each of them taught me. I learned to more quickly recognize when it was not a match, not a love connection.
And I am better prepared to be in the relationship that I am in now and am met with constant reminders to not take this relationship for granted.
Steven Q. Stanley
December 17th, 2010
10:46 am
If you are over 30 and still single then the RIGHT relationship is one with any man who will put up with you sans domestic abuse. If he has a job, that is just a bonus.
Women who bail on a a guy because he needed a haircut, or his handwriting was funky, or whatever dumb reason women come up with to ditch a potential partner, are better off collecting cats.
M. (pronouced M dot)
December 17th, 2010
10:47 am
@SC
“And I am better prepared to be in the relationship that I am in now and am met with constant reminders to not take this relationship for granted.”
This is the realest thing that I have heard today. I think alot of people take a good relationship for granted because they think every relationship will be good.
I heard that after every great relationship we encounter, we also have to go thru about 4-5 bad ones next usually.
Leggs
December 17th, 2010
10:49 am
Oh damn, I was talking about you last night, Stanley Q and here you are!
Melo!!
December 17th, 2010
10:52 am
2Can?
that dude was in hunt mode. When u in hunt mode,all u care for is crushing that bone and licking ur lips after savoring the fillet.
Leggs
December 17th, 2010
10:53 am
Coming from you, Melo, that was nicely stated.
Melo!!
December 17th, 2010
10:55 am
Thanks Leggs.
I know Simple and cats on here know exactly what I’m talking
bout!
Sassy Me..my neck..my back :-)
December 17th, 2010
10:57 am
Rell/2C y’all killing it.
He probably spent months (and much loot) trying to woo this chic, only to be let down later on down the road….silly rabbit!
Exactly…I wonder if that was all he was after in the first place and the fact that it didn’t live up to his standards only fed into his haste in giving up on her. It also makes him seem kinda shallow…his bad.
I know for sure that I stayed in my last relationship too long but instead of bailing I tried to encourage and support but that didn’t work. You can’t make someone want some sh!t if they don’t want it for themselves…be it a better job/education/a spine…
2CPTG©--"that dude from da innanet"
December 17th, 2010
10:58 am
I feel ya Melo…but what puzzles me about that dude, is how da hell he knew if he wanted to be exclusive with that chic if he hadn’t even had sex with her! Why, because she was attractive? hogwash….
Dan, that’s an example of buddy not qualifying a female.
Dan - Simply...Superior
December 17th, 2010
11:06 am
@2C
I’m already knowing. Sexual incompability is the.worst.isht.ever.
But judging by the telling of the story, dude was already leaning to far forward.
If I’m at a female she gotta at least meet me half way.
I don’t “hunt” for sport, I hunt for sustinence.
Celisea
December 17th, 2010
11:11 am
Morning…my thoughts
I dig where you brothers went this morning on knowing yourself….but honestly (and maybe it’s the cynic in me) this reads like chased, got it and ready for the next. Given the fact that he claimed he “thought he wanted to be exclusive” and seeing she wasn’t just some old schmo he randomly smashed, did he perform due diligence for making things better before wanting to walk? I mean I can see if he just smashed but she was potentially “the one” right?
For the chick scenario, I wouldn’t apply came, saw, conquered but I will ask the same….did she tell him she’s feeling lack and wants more intimacy? More and more you see people “waiting and expecting” for the spectacular to just appear. No pain no gain.
TenderR – When I seriously was seeking a committed relationship, I took dating more serious…to help me sift through the rift-raft of men. I was specific and upfront with men when I was serious, I didn’t have the nonchalant attitude.
I agree with you. Rift raft sometimes qualifies as a dude just wanting to shoot the sh*t and you don’t. He’s not a bad person for that but for a woman wanting something solid, that qualifes as rift raft. Too, it’s not the scenario of beating the pavement and on a man hunt but you know what you want. Sometimes you can encounter someone you really like but if their path and your path aren’t parallel, it’s just smart to stay on your path. When our differences places us on different ends of the spectrum, IMO you become delusional because really you hope for a change but they’ve already stated otherwise.
Melo!!
December 17th, 2010
11:12 am
To be honest, on a topic like this, where Diva is giving us second hand translation from a dude, I take it with a pinch iof salt. Coz a dude ain’t gon break it down to her like that.
Dudes may wait long be4 they do the kill. But like u observed 2Can, a lotta times it’s because the challenge of the chase is thrilling coz it’s a ‘big fish’,(she beautiful,educated,fun etc) and not
becoz he wants to settle.
Big difference!
Bluzgirl (AKA Kelli)
December 17th, 2010
11:16 am
I have conflicting thoughts on this…if you end it too early based on superficial reasons, then you could be missing out on a great partner. I’ve had friends do this and then down the road, realize it may have been a mistake to end it so early.
I also have stuck it out in some relationships in the past when I should have bailed because the guy ended up being not worth waiting for and I wasted a lot of time.
P.S. Still trying to think of a better moniker!
Sassy Me..my neck..my back :-)
December 17th, 2010
11:18 am
Celisea great post.
Spanky30
December 17th, 2010
11:18 am
I know for sure that I stayed in my last relationship too long but instead of bailing I tried to encourage and support but that didn’t work. You can’t make someone want some sh!t if they don’t want it for themselves…be it a better job/education/a spine…
Let me add to the list… if they don’t want to bathe on a regular basis, they fart at the dinner table, they refuse to lose weight and they think a high school education is just like a Masters degree. It’s time to cut your losses and move on…..
SlimNumeroUno
December 17th, 2010
11:21 am
‘Dudes may wait long be4 they do the kill. But like u observed 2Can, a lotta times it’s because the challenge of the chase is thrilling coz it’s a ‘big fish’,(she beautiful,educated,fun etc) and not
becoz he wants to settle’
Daaaaaaamn, why it gotta be all complicated in shizzle. Sheesh…
Celisea
December 17th, 2010
11:21 am
Thanks Sassy
Melo!!
December 17th, 2010
11:25 am
Slim?!
dating and leading to dude getting down on one knee= game of poker or Mega Million.
u don’t know where the wheel spin is gon stop at…
Mrs. Tazzee
December 17th, 2010
11:27 am
Morning MIA fam.
Love Rell and 2Can’s posts this morning.
During my dating ‘career’ sometimes I didn’t realize I really desired something in a relationship until I was in that relationship and it wasn’t there. Perhaps yoga-girl didn’t know she needed affection until she didn’t have it. Especially if all her previous relationships were with affectionate men.
Dating is trial and error – you learn and move on to the next one. That is why I never subscribed to the theory that something was wrong with me because I reached a certain age without being in a 2 year relationship (or whatever timeframe folks used) – if I saw I wasn’t getting what I needed, I moved on. And it wasn’t the superficial stuff it was communication, affection, honesty, etc.
M. (pronouced M dot)
December 17th, 2010
11:29 am
@Bluzgirl
I agree with your 11:16. I think alot of guys mess up because we dont get to know the woman alot to really see if we want to be serious with her and also the catch 22 is we burn out the woman sometimes, (calling, hanging out too much, texting, etc) and not allowing the male/female encounter to have some space. Remember she had a life before she met you!
Simple Man!!!!
December 17th, 2010
11:31 am
When did dating with a predetermined end point become a bad thing????
Delight23 ...Heading South for X-Mas
December 17th, 2010
11:34 am
and when he/she chews too loud, they cant hack it
What ya trying to say? That’s not a vaild excuse?
AmazonRed™
December 17th, 2010
11:34 am
Morning all -
I think you have to trust your instincts, but also to get out of your own way. I also have a freind who needed affection from her mate. He was a surgeon so you know all of her girlfriends were pushing her to make it work (
) but at the end of the day I agreed with her that if you know yourself and what you need out of a relationship, you can’t ignore it even if everything else is good.
Because sometimes, that unfulfilled need is like a cancer, it starts out small but it can grow and be a (relationship) killer.
Of course, some folks just fall into the 80/20 trap and end up leaving their 80 chasing after the 20 too.
Simple Man!!!!
December 17th, 2010
11:34 am
Without a predetrimined end point…
AmazonRed™
December 17th, 2010
11:35 am
is how da hell he knew if he wanted to be exclusive with that chic if he hadn’t even had sex with her!
Dan - Simply...Superior
December 17th, 2010
11:36 am
@Simple
It ain’t. What is bad is when one party doesn’t know that there is an expiration date.
M. (pronouced M dot)
December 17th, 2010
11:36 am
@Melo @Slim1
“the challenge of the chase is thrilling coz it’s a ‘big fish’,(she beautiful,educated,fun etc)”
I really dont get into that whole chase thing no matter how “big a fish” it is. It is simple. Its all about cooperation. She is either interested in you or shes not. The woman has to choose you. I think thats the problem. Alot of guys think they can win a woman over, spend too much time trying to impress a woman, and jump through all of these hoops to get her. It doesnt work like that.
Delight23 ...Heading South for X-Mas
December 17th, 2010
11:37 am
Bom Dia People!!! Excuse the rudeness.
AmazonRed™
December 17th, 2010
11:38 am
That is why I never subscribed to the theory that something was wrong with me because I reached a certain age without being in a 2 year relationship (or whatever timeframe folks used) – if I saw I wasn’t getting what I needed, I moved on. And it wasn’t the superficial stuff it was communication, affection, honesty, etc.
SlimNumeroUno
December 17th, 2010
11:38 am
‘dating and leading to dude getting down on one knee= game of poker or Mega Million’
Melo – bout close to jumping on the ‘It just ain’t gonna happen’ side of the fence.
Delight23 ...Heading South for X-Mas
December 17th, 2010
11:41 am
The woman has to choose you….
from The Book of Wisdom.
Learned this from an uncle years ago. A woman choses her man, she does not wait to be chosen.
Always makes me shake me head when I see/hear women give men utlimatums of it “her or me”.
TenderRoni
December 17th, 2010
11:46 am
@Celisea 11:11post…i could not have said it better, definitely on point.
There is a lot of sh*t thrown around the ATL…lol
And I like how you said being smart, I am and still learning to be a smart dater when I’m looking for something serious.
abc
December 17th, 2010
11:47 am
2 wives left me and divorced me, and I never even called a lawyer. Frankly, I didn’t mind them leaving all that much. While that is telling enough, they did come to regret their leaving in a fairly short time, but I didn’t come to such regret. I figure I should never have married them in the first place. Have I made some really bad choices in life, oh yeah, I sure have.
I figure that people want what they want, whether they know why they want it or not. Far be it from me to deny their wants, no matter who they are. Oftentimes it’ll turn out that what they thought they wanted isn’t what they really wanted, or they changed their mind about what they wanted, or priorities shifted in their wish lists. From my perspective, women are more susceptible to this than men, but that’s using men in general as a frame of reference, only me.
I suppose to spare regret, ensure that you don’t act in the heat of the moment in an emotional response. Try and take a step back and get a rational perspective. Consider whether the thing(s) that are bugging you about the other person are really all that important, or maybe a side-effect of a temporary condition, or whether maybe the issue(s) really reflect more upon you than them.
kimmie-off today
December 17th, 2010
11:51 am
Happy Friday Gang!
2Can – I’m with you on the staying in stuff too long. That is my biggest regret of my dating career. The handwriting was on the wall, the expiration date was in full view long before I took action. But everything works out the way it should, I guess, so I now can say I am definitely in the RIGHT relationship.
People want what they want. They have that right. That’s the beautiful thing about being a grown A adult in America. We are all free. Free to dismiss someone because you don’t like the way they blink their eyes if you want to. There is no such thing as bailing too soon. Even if it’s for superficial reasons. That person may be nice but not nice for you. You bailing early may be a blessing for that other person, because you were not in the right mindset to appreciate that person.
I say have the courage to go for what you desire. You only live once. Only you and you alone know if what it is you desire is unrealistic or the odds are not in your favor for getting what you want. Be prepared to live with the possible consequences, but do you, what will make YOU happy. You owe no one but yourself.
M. (pronouced M dot)
December 17th, 2010
11:52 am
@D23
Thats just my philosophy. Some guys like to chase women around 285 lol. My friend dc has a boyfriend but she always meets guys and tells them this and they always say things like, “Im going to steal you from your man, Im going to break yall up etc”. Ridiculous….
Leggs
December 17th, 2010
11:54 am
@abc ~ your last paragraph is what many should do.
Luvbug
December 17th, 2010
11:56 am
Do you think we have these ideas about what relationships should be about and bail out too fast when we don’t get it? Are you in the wrong relationship because they aren’t satisfying an important need?
Maybe, maybe not for both questions. The only ‘wrong’ to me is not accepting the consequences for staying or going.
blue©
December 17th, 2010
11:56 am
@abc – ensure that you don’t act in the heat of the moment in an emotional response – much needed advice for some…to easy to just act out of hurt feelings or whatever emotion is running at that particular moment, only in the end to say what have i done.
Celisea
December 17th, 2010
11:57 am
Tender –
Luvbug
December 17th, 2010
11:57 am
Qualifiers??
I’m curious to know how people are determining their ‘qualifiers’. Are you basing them on what you should want or basing them on what you’ve always chosen?
Celisea
December 17th, 2010
11:58 am
blue – to easy to just act out of hurt feelings or whatever emotion is running at that particular moment, only in the end to say what have i done.
Exactly
M. (pronouced M dot)
December 17th, 2010
11:58 am
@AmazonRed
I agree with your post. Thats a huge trap alot of people get into which is trying to make it work with someone based on their career which leads to a financial figure in your head and what you think they can do for you.
Luvbug
December 17th, 2010
12:00 pm
Well dang abc. You beat me to it. I think you explained it better too.
I agree.
Melo!!
December 17th, 2010
12:07 pm
Oohh Slim!
sorry to hear that but maybe it’s for the best.
Delight23 ...Heading South for X-Mas
December 17th, 2010
12:07 pm
abc…wow. thanks for such a rather intimate and appropriate post.
AmazonRed™
December 17th, 2010
12:07 pm
“Transition from dating people who meet your preferences, to dating people who meet your priorities…”
Said by Niecy Nash on Brandy and Ray J’s show ironically, but don’t hold that against me.
AmazonRed™
December 17th, 2010
12:10 pm
bout close to jumping on the ‘It just ain’t gonna happen’ side of the fence.
Ugh…that sucks. Certainly been there. But can’t say you couldn’t see that outcome coming…
Leggs
December 17th, 2010
12:12 pm
@Luvbug ~ I’m basing my qualifiers on what I “want/need” going forward.
M. (pronouced M dot)
December 17th, 2010
12:13 pm
@Luvbug
Yup qualifiers….just a system of checks and balances to make sure she is a good fit for me. Since I am going to be dating, I might as well get the best!
Mrs. Tazzee
December 17th, 2010
12:14 pm
AmRed – Hey Lady!
I must say that I don’t regret leaving any relationship too early. There is one that I regret staying too long though.
Luvbug
December 17th, 2010
12:15 pm
Leggs – Have you ever dropped a guy who met your revised list because he didn’t meet qualifiers from your old list?
Purple Rain
December 17th, 2010
12:16 pm
A long vesting period is a must. Mine was around 5 years
NY2GA
December 17th, 2010
12:16 pm
Celisea, I see you are picking right up on dropping the knowledge…
Not you Cel, others, can you limit the biographies to maybe a paragraph or two … and please remember, not to be a blog spell hound, but it’s never a lower case i always capital I unless used in a word.
Back to the topic.
Dan - Simply...Superior
December 17th, 2010
12:16 pm
I’m mad that it took an adult to tell that to another adult…..
More sad than mad
Melo!!
December 17th, 2010
12:17 pm
Luvbug?
I’m curious bout yours too..
let’s see what’s in ur hand
kimmie-off today
December 17th, 2010
12:19 pm
I’ve been trying to say hello to Mrs Tazz on here, but for some reason the blog monster won’t let me!
AmazonRed™
December 17th, 2010
12:19 pm
Hey Mrs. Tazzee!!!
Sometimes I do wonder what would have happened if I hadn’t left so soon. I hope the guy would have been real and told me he didn’t see a future with me. But I suspect he just would have strung me along for years with the same outcome. Guess I won’t know for sure til I meet that one that puts them all to shame like you did!
And I love how it didn’t take either of you long to lock it down. 
Luvbug
December 17th, 2010
12:20 pm
M.Dot – I get that. I just wonder if people meet the best, but really only want the worst. I mean, if a man wants a whore (something he would obviously exclude from his list for fear of shame), a non-whore who meets the need list will not break the spell…non-whores need not apply.
Why not just be check your history, be honest with what you want and go for it?
Celisea
December 17th, 2010
12:21 pm
NY2GA – Celisea, I see you are picking right up on dropping the knowledge…
While I understand we’re all different, I always hope to positively contritbute to the discussion
Luvbug
December 17th, 2010
12:21 pm
M.Dot – I get that. I just wonder if people meet the best, but really only want the worst. I mean, if a man wants a wh0re (something he would obviously exclude from his list for fear of shame), a non-wh0re who meets the need list will not break the spell…non-wh0res need not apply.
Why not just be check your history, be honest with what you want and go for it?
i'm swiss™
December 17th, 2010
12:22 pm
“Thats a huge trap alot of people get into which is trying to make it work with someone based on their career which leads to a financial figure in your head and what you think they can do for you.”
Very true. Although, having said that… I think I could make it work with Oprah…
Sassy Me..my neck..my back :-)
December 17th, 2010
12:22 pm
I’m basing my qualifiers on what I “want/need” going forward.
Ditto…
Purple Rain
December 17th, 2010
12:24 pm
Anyone ever know what they wanted but did not know what you needed until you received it?
Leggs
December 17th, 2010
12:27 pm
Melo!!
December 17th, 2010
12:27 pm
Leggs?
did u say?’ I is want/need going forward?
but seriously,what have u been basing them on in the past?
Denise
December 17th, 2010
12:41 pm
New to the blog…
I have stayed in relationships wayyyy too long trying to make something work that wasn’t meant to be. I’ve learned the hard way that you can’t “love someone into loving you”. Trust me, that is a hard lesson to learn.
I just had to give a guy the “just friends” talk. I think he’s great but I feel absolutely NO SPARK. He’s nice looking but I’m not DRAWN to him. Yeah, that sounds crazy and maybe even a little bit foolish but I am very affectionate and I like to WANT to be up under/boo’d up with my man. If I don’t feel the DESIRE to be up in my man’s face all the time (all the while knowing I can’t), then we aren’t tight. Even when I’m angry with a man, I still want to be in his presence and sometimes even touching just to show that this is just a mad, not a breakdown of a relationship. I can understand yoga-girl’s distress at the lack of affection. I couldn’t deal with it. I’ve tried to initiate it with an unaffectionate partner but when it is not reciprocated or, better, not initiated from his end, it doesn’t feel “real” and I can’t deal. Should I have given Mr. No Spark more time (more than a few months) to see if something clicked? Don’t know. But I know that for right now, he didn’t meet the need.
The guy I just met is very affectionate, very open with his feelings, very direct and clear that he wants to be with me (makes me nervous because we’re still reallllllly new in this thing), and very clear that he wants me to want him. Now, is he LL Cool J fine? Nope. He’s cute. But he’s short and has a little belly. But I stay up all night every night talking to him, looking forward to the next time I see him. I was panicking when I thought I wasn’t going to see him until after Christmas. Don’t know how this will play out but I’m looking forward to seeing how it goes. I hope I keep my eyes open and stay true to myself in this situation as I have in the “just friends” one.
Melo!!
December 17th, 2010
12:45 pm
Short and s lil belly?
Twister?
Purple Rain
December 17th, 2010
12:45 pm
Have a happy holiday and new year. We are leaving to visit my Nonni, Cugini and Zii and returning on the 5th. I wish you and your families love, blessings and safe travels.
AmazonRed™
December 17th, 2010
12:46 pm
I have stayed in relationships wayyyy too long trying to make something work that wasn’t meant to be. I’ve learned the hard way that you can’t “love someone into loving you”. Trust me, that is a hard lesson to learn.
Boy is it.
Welcome Denise and good luck to you.
Willie Dynamite
December 17th, 2010
12:53 pm
Afternoon All,
I am agreeing for the most part with 2can/Rell from earlier. I tend to think that most people do stay in bad relationships far too long. The biggest reason I see is the qualifying aspect. If/when you fail to do your due diligence then you are also prone to denial. The old I can make this work or it’ll get better is just naive thinking. Face the facts and admit to yourself that you chose wrong and keep it moving. Dating should be about finding the right fit for you in your life. It may sound ugly but it should be a selfish thought. Qualify yourself FIRST.
SlimNumeroUno
December 17th, 2010
12:56 pm
Ared/Melo – Nothing has happened yet with current situation…just saying i’m about ready to not look for the big M as something that’ll happen in my lifetime.
Celisea
December 17th, 2010
12:57 pm
. If/when you fail to do your due diligence then you are also prone to denial. The old I can make this work or it’ll get better is just naive thinking. Face the facts and admit to yourself that you chose wrong and keep it moving
I mentioned “due diligence” earlier simply because the guy Diva refers to “thought he wanted an exclusive”. So I’d ask if the sex wasn’t all that did ya’ll step outside the box and try new things? That’s what I mean. I don’t mean hanging on to something that’s flatlined. If he would have said we hardly ever agree or we’re just too different, then yeah but he specifically referred to not liking the sex. As I stated too, plainly he got it and was ready to go.
Fion
December 17th, 2010
12:58 pm
Dating Factoids:
1. Don’t make anyone a Priority when ur an Option.
2. You can’t EXPECT anything from something u didn’t take time INSPECT.
3. Maybe who ur Looking for ain’t Looking for YOU.
4. Face it, maybe it’s U.
kimmie-off today
December 17th, 2010
1:00 pm
Willie – Good post
2CPTG©--"that dude from da innanet"
December 17th, 2010
1:02 pm
Slim:
“i’m about ready to not look for the big M as something that’ll happen in my lifetime.”
few weeks ago….that text; do you recall?
Delight23 ...Heading South for X-Mas
December 17th, 2010
1:02 pm
So I’d ask if the sex wasn’t all that did ya’ll step outside the box and try new things?
Celisea, I wondered along these lines as well, but concluded that if he were truly looking for committment, this resolution would have been a no-brainer.
NY2GA
December 17th, 2010
1:02 pm
Denise, any thought to maybe you are feeling this way because it’s all new? I mean you said that the two of you just met and he is being very affectionate and he already knows you are the one. How long has this been going on?
Luvbug
December 17th, 2010
1:03 pm
Melo – What I want and need has not strayed far from what I’ve had. The exclusion would be a cheater/liar. I never wanted that, but I’ve gotten it before. I don’t have a ‘should want’ list. I think you have to actually want it to choose it.
Fortunately…or unfortunately, I haven’t changed much…my none-list list has not been very elaborate. Thinking of positive traits they had in common…low-key, firm, loving guys. I’ve since added monogamous to my none-list list.
Sassy Me..my neck..my back :-)
December 17th, 2010
1:04 pm
Dating should be about finding the right fit for you in your life. It may sound ugly but it should be a selfish thought. Qualify yourself FIRST.
Worth repeating…that pretty much sums it all up. Heey Mista Willie..
DreamsMaterialize
December 17th, 2010
1:04 pm
Why not just be check your history, be honest with what you want and go for it?
Luvbug Allll day. It reduces the stress sooooo much.
AmazonRed™
December 17th, 2010
1:05 pm
Ared/Melo – Nothing has happened yet with current situation…just saying i’m about ready to not look for the big M as something that’ll happen in my lifetime.
Slim – You know I love you, but it’s a sad thing to say when you actually are seeing someone. Don’t you think it should feel different, or better, by now?
M. (pronouced M dot)
December 17th, 2010
1:09 pm
@Willie
I agree. Also alot of people stay because they dont want to be alone and think this is the only option they have right now. So they would rather have somebody than nobody.
Luvbug
December 17th, 2010
1:13 pm
Dreams – It certainly does. I don’t think I could successfully swing a ‘should want’…and I don’t want to be somebody’s ‘should want’. LOL
People love what they love, and I don’t want to have to talk you into me.
SlimNumeroUno
December 17th, 2010
1:15 pm
‘do you recall?’
2C – Yup, I sure do.
Ared – Is a bit strange huh? lol
Sassy Me..my neck..my back :-)
December 17th, 2010
1:18 pm
So they would rather have somebody than nobody.
Yes indeedy. What’s even worse is when I hear women say, “well I’ve been with him this long…I ain’t about to start over with somebody else…but they’re steadily complaining while with said dude. And let’s not forget the,“I’d rather have a piece of man than none at all” crew. Every time I hear that I’m like
Sadly, some of these women have daughters they pass this on to.
Celisea
December 17th, 2010
1:19 pm
Delight – Celisea, I wondered along these lines as well, but concluded that if he were truly looking for committment, this resolution would have been a no-brainer.
Yep…..
Melo!!
December 17th, 2010
1:21 pm
Luvbug?
Firm,loving guys?
Smart gal…it can’t be a list if Firm ain’t in there..Swiss agrees too!
M. (pronouced M dot)
December 17th, 2010
1:22 pm
@Sassy
“And let’s not forget the,“I’d rather have a piece of man than none at all” crew.”
Yup this is so true. When fantasia got caught in her drama, women were calling into the Rickey Smiley show saying they liked to date married men because it was consistent and they knew what they were getting.
Whats worst, I know married men who get more women than me and I am legally single!
Somethins is wrong people!
DreamsMaterialize
December 17th, 2010
1:23 pm
People love what they love, and I don’t want to have to talk you into me.
Luvbug You’re right. I’ll never try to convince you that I’m right for you. You should go after whatever it is you want. If I’m not that, then please move on. I pitch to people in the market for MY product.
kimmie-off today
December 17th, 2010
1:24 pm
Luvbug – I feel you all day on that “should want” mess! I have a friend that was constantly saying that about this dude she was seeing that she was just not into. They both were miserable. She kept saying “but he’s a nice guy”. Yeah nice, but not nice for YOU! It was unfair to both of them.
Whatever it is you want, just be straight up about it. Don’t say you want something because it sounds good and politically correct. Be true to yourself.
Melo!!
December 17th, 2010
1:25 pm
Slim?!
Like Ared, I dare to ask why ure settling if settling(current guy) will
give u a bad(not desired situation or outcome?
cut short the misery!
If u don’t think it’s not going anywhere cut shirt the misery.,,
Sassy Me..my neck..my back :-)
December 17th, 2010
1:30 pm
I know married men who get more women than me and I am legally single!
Something is VERY wrong!
SlimNumeroUno
December 17th, 2010
1:31 pm
Melo – I’m not saying current guy won’t give me my desired outcome. Taking it slow.
M. (pronouced M dot)
December 17th, 2010
1:32 pm
@Slim
If I can interject some advice, what you should do is look at your situation LOGICALLY. What is the problem and why do you think he isnt heading toward the M?
Whatever that reason is, if its correctable, talk to him but remember you cant make him do anything so be prepared for the backlash.
If he is not down for the Big M, charge him to the game and find somebody who is.
The greatest dating advice I ever received:
“Never make an excuse for someone in dating in any area”
They dont call, take you out, make things official, let you meet their parents, etc. Dont make any excuses for them Let that marinate….
Luvbug
December 17th, 2010
1:35 pm
it can’t be a list if Firm ain’t in there..Swiss agrees too!
Melo- Leave it to you…and possibly swiss to flex the firm. LOL
Dreams/Kimmie – You’ve got that right!!
Melo!!
December 17th, 2010
1:36 pm
Taking it slow??
Slim u’re just too anxious…dudes do that too especially when it comes to cootie…… then splash be4 throb 4 is even over!
Be patient babeeey!
SlimNumeroUno
December 17th, 2010
1:39 pm
M. – Good deal, I will ponder or in your words Maenate on that
Willie Dynamite
December 17th, 2010
1:42 pm
Slim – If I may??? your case is almost the perfect example for the topic today. On one hand you’ve already expressed/hinted doubt as to the possible outcome being less than desirable (big M). On the other hand you’ve also expressed the need to have patience and slow rolling it.
SlimNumeroUno
December 17th, 2010
1:43 pm
Melo – I’m not too anxious or pushing the M word. I really made the whole, bout to give up statement to be funny. I didn’t even have my current situation in mind when I said it.
Mrs. Tazzee
December 17th, 2010
1:45 pm
Hey Kimmie! That blog monster is one sorry mofo, LOL
AmRed – yeah, I’m still amazed at the fact that we haven’t even been together 2 full years. Shoot I just celebrated 2 years of being back in Atlanta. What I love most is that, throughout our entire relationship, there never was a time when I thought about leaving – or had my signature ‘I was better off alone’ thoughts. As much as I was loving being single – I love being married to him even more.
OK, Imma stop with the sappy…
Rell - 4000 degreez
December 17th, 2010
1:50 pm
I know married men who get more women than me and I am legally single!
Somethins is wrong people!
@M..there is a segment of society that likes/love with others have….they dont count
Leggs
December 17th, 2010
1:50 pm
@Denise ~ Welcome aboard! Nice Post!. I am interested to know how long have you been with your new guy. Sounds like you’re in the “butterflies in my belly” stage. I hope your relationship continues to grow to your satisfaction.
@Melo ~ remember I haven’t been out much since my divorce. Had some things I needed to work on emotionally, as well as mentally.
“And let’s not forget the,“I’d rather have a piece of man than none at all” crew Exactly. I can’t be a member of that crew.
Mrs. Tazzee
December 17th, 2010
1:53 pm
Anyone ever know what they wanted but did not know what you needed until you received it?
Yup!
Slim Although you meant the statement to be funny, it reminds me of a friend of mine. She was engaged when Jill Scott’s last CD came out and said her favorite song was ‘Whenever You’re Around’ – I was perplexed. I asked if she had really listened to the words and she said that’s why it was her favorite. I told her that perhaps she shouldn’t marry a man that reminds her of that song. She’s married to someone else now…
M. (pronouced M dot)
December 17th, 2010
1:54 pm
@Rell
LOL
I just think its funny…Im like man you already have a wife at home….go home and watch the lifetime channel with her or take her to home depot and look at paint lol why you out here at the bar in my way?
AmazonRed™
December 17th, 2010
1:54 pm
Slim – I can appreciate taking it slow…but really, where is it going? We’ve been hearing about dude for a while, and it’s always been lukewarm. Are you guys even officially boyfriend and girlfriend?
Leggs
December 17th, 2010
1:57 pm
lukewarm relationship…interesting label, ARed.
AmazonRed™
December 17th, 2010
2:00 pm
As much as I was loving being single – I love being married to him even more.
AmazonRed™
December 17th, 2010
2:03 pm
Leggs – I wouldn’t say “lukewarm relationship” because we only know what she shares on here and I know this is a place for many people vent. Obviously there is more good than bad, or I’m sure she would have moved on by now. But I wonder if it’s really them taking things slow or more like being in a holding pattern…the appearance of movement but really just going in circles..
I ask these questions because of course I’ve been there and have the t-shirt.
Rell - 4000 degreez
December 17th, 2010
2:04 pm
@m…they are married not dead….when i was married…..it was told to me that i seem more relaxed…i was not not out looking so my convo was different…my look was different. In my mind “those” women did not matter..so i was a challenge…you know trying to get my attention…I just laughed it off…but when married i did experience a different side to women i once thought was all made up…ITS NOT…so for a single guy..that means…get a life outside the bar….live your life….become interesting…you have to wonder why there is a market for characters like James Bond, SuperMan, Batman…hell even the Hulk….lol
SlimNumeroUno
December 17th, 2010
2:06 pm
Ared – No title
Leggs
December 17th, 2010
2:08 pm
There this fat man that wants to get with me, but I can’t get past his belly. It’s huge!
Willie Dynamite
December 17th, 2010
2:08 pm
Mdot – dayum bruh what you saying? Us Married dudes cant sit at the bar drinking a brew while watching the game. Why we gotta stay at home watching Lifetime. hahaha
I was just having that same conversation last night. I meet Women on the regular that would rather spend their time getting at me than rolling with yall single cats.
Luvbug
December 17th, 2010
2:09 pm
Batman – Yes
The Hulk – Absolutely not!!!
SlimNumeroUno
December 17th, 2010
2:10 pm
‘I wonder if it’s really them taking things slow or more like being in a holding pattern…the appearance of movement but really just going in circles..’
Things that make you go Hmmmm? I think I like the way you put that.
M. (pronouced M dot)
December 17th, 2010
2:11 pm
@Rell
I understand what you saying. I was using the bar as an example because it is a SOCIAL environment. So when you were married, were you at the bar on a friday night while your wife was at home?
AmazonRed™
December 17th, 2010
2:12 pm
Leggs
December 17th, 2010
2:14 pm
Sorry, that should read “there is a….
M. (pronouced M dot)
December 17th, 2010
2:14 pm
@Willie Dynamite
LOL no thats cool do yallthing. But I was saying like I told Rell in an instance where its like friday night and they are out and the wives are at home thinking you working late lol.
2CPTG©--"that dude from da innanet"
December 17th, 2010
2:19 pm
M. hit me up on my email; I got just what you need….
“ism” starter kit – $49.99, if you order now, you get a %10 discount for the holidays!
M. (pronouced M dot)
December 17th, 2010
2:21 pm
@Rell
@Willie
I know alot of married couples that go out TOGETHER. If yall want to be on the scene so bad lol, why dont yall bring the wives with you if you going to be at the bar etc. And dont make no excuses, like “she wants her me time, she dont like football, she going with her girls for girls night out to see that new Tyler Perry movie Bashing Brother Part 20 blah blah” lol. Just say Im going to this bar or club tonight and I want you to come with me.
Most married cats dont do that….They are sneaking around Atlanta like Batman, hiding, wearing disguises etc lol
Rell - 4000 degreez
December 17th, 2010
2:22 pm
@M…couples need time apart…lol….single women want single men…they just dont want thirsty dudes that have not smelled any parrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrtssssssssss of the ppppppppppppppppppppppppp in months…lol
@luvbug…you better hope you have the HULK with you if something goes down…lol
Bluzgirl (AKA Kelli)
December 17th, 2010
2:26 pm
“Also alot of people stay because they dont want to be alone and think this is the only option they have right now. So they would rather have somebody than nobody.”
I can say I have done this. I stayed with a man for 3 years that was absolutely wrong for me and would never give me what I wanted/needed. I was at a weird place in my life and didn’t want to be alone. I was very upset when we broke up and I realized I wasted 3 years of my life. But…I did grow from it and made sure I learned to not do that again. I learned about what I really want and need. I do not want to settle again. Last year, I was in a dysfunctional relationship…at first, everything was wonderful and I fell madly in love. After 3 months, he turned psychotic and treated me like dirt. He was bipolar, so I tried to stick with him while he tried to get proper treatment, but 2 months later, I bailed!
Sometimes, I wonder if I’m settling with my current boyfriend, but then I look at all the good times we have together and all the things he does give me that I want/need. He may have some quirks about him, and there are a few things that I don’t like, but I love him enough that I’m willing to deal with them and see if we can work out in the long run. It’s the first time I’ve really felt mutual true love…
M. (pronouced M dot)
December 17th, 2010
2:28 pm
@Rell
“single women want single men…they just dont want thirsty dudes that have not smelled any”
Thats obvious but all I was saying was that if you married act married you should not still be trying to live the singlelife. You cant be both. Why do you think we have Bed Bath Beyond, Target, Home Depot, Outlet Malls, Havertys etc?
They are married couple retreats lol go and bond with your lady.
Nobody said you couldnt go anywhere and not be apart.
I just think if its saturday night and you out making it rain, hurricane, and tornado and you are married and your wife is at home looking crazy….you need to stop lol…simple & plain….
Rell - 4000 degreez
December 17th, 2010
2:32 pm
I just think if its saturday night and you out making it rain, hurricane, and tornado and you are married and your wife is at home looking crazy….you need to stop lol…simple & plain….
-lol, talk to me once you get married…or get some on the regular…you will understand where this comes from…lol
Melo!!
December 17th, 2010
2:33 pm
Come on Leggs,jus give him a lil…
just show him the style of more resistance to u and less pene….whatever it is!
Rell?!
Yes sir,relaxed u were. These dingle cats eyes ate too jumpy girls notice!
2CPTG©--"that dude from da innanet"
December 17th, 2010
2:34 pm
And the Play-Hater award goes to:
M DOT! (kinfolk, though I’m just kidding, bwoi, you shole look like you hatin right now….)
Willie Dynamite
December 17th, 2010
2:36 pm
Mdot – hahaha you a funny dude. You focused on the wrong thing grasshopper. Order that kit from 2Can and stop doing play by play on other dudes. You looking to jump the slant route without the Safety over the top.
Most married dudes dont even go out for that. These chicks flocking to married dudes because they running from yall chasing em down.
stepping out for a few.
Leggs
December 17th, 2010
2:40 pm
@Melo ~ how can give anyone “some” I’m not physically attracted to? Would you?
Sassy Me..my neck..my back :-)
December 17th, 2010
2:41 pm
I can’t get past his belly. It’s huge!
I know right?! Leggs I have a classmate from highschool that looks like he’s about to birth an elephant….and whenever we have class functions he flirts with me but in the back of my mind I’m thinking,“You ain’t about to put that big azz belly on mee,playa”…NO WAY Just eeeewwwwwww
M. (pronouced M dot)
December 17th, 2010
2:42 pm
@Rell
LOL I know what it means…you want space also. I GET THAT. But I was saying yall can mix it up.
@2CPTG
1. Nobody says “Player Hater” anymore so you can kick that 1992 Positive K I got a man lingo to the curb.
2. Being married is a good thing. You are supposed to do that. Enjoy that.
@Willie Dynamite
Nobodys really chasing over here. I stating the influx of married dudes still trying to be out in the streets. Next time you out after Midnight, look at the married cats still out lol.
2CPTG©--"that dude from da innanet"
December 17th, 2010
2:46 pm
call it what you want…..you still sound bitter!
Rell - 4000 degreez
December 17th, 2010
2:47 pm
@M…what you missing player…is why she is out entertaining you…taking your number, facebook, email, twitter,…etc…she is like i want to take my time…get to know someone…usually means your cool a nice guy but you not making my “hood” move…but i bet she has either someone she is still chasing.,…has steady D on demand….or worse MARRIED OR ENGAGED TO BE MARRIED…keep your eyes open PLAYER…
M. (pronouced M dot)
December 17th, 2010
2:48 pm
@2CPTG
LOL nobody is bitter. You are married and connected for life thats a good thing.
I still have my freedom
Melo!!
December 17th, 2010
2:49 pm
Leggs?
I know after u give him some u see him in a different way,new set of eyes…
besides, u go to church and pray so that physical stuff u focus on ain’t good…
U pray for a man and God gives u a man!
Leggs
December 17th, 2010
2:50 pm
@M. ~ that’s a bit harsh, the “freedom” part. You make it sound that once the rings are on the fingers, cement is instantly poured around his feet. You can have “freedom” and still be married, it’s just on a different level.
Leggs
December 17th, 2010
2:51 pm
@Melo ~ I disagree with EVERYTHING in your post. I’ve never prayed for God to send me a man!
M. (pronouced M dot)
December 17th, 2010
2:52 pm
@Rell
“but i bet she has either someone she is still chasing.,…has steady D on demand….or worse MARRIED OR ENGAGED TO BE MARRIED…keep your eyes open PLAYER…”
LOL Exactly. Did you see my post from earlier? Thats why I said you let the WOMAN CHOOSE YOU! I dont even take phone numbers. If she is interested she will call you. Simple and Plain….what do I look like blowing up a woman’s phone I just met? That’s going to make her think she has something I want rather than the other way around…;)
Melo!!
December 17th, 2010
2:53 pm
Oh nana, what’s ma name? Oh nana,what’s ma name….
Slim..do the singing….I’ll do the rap!
Rell - 4000 degreez
December 17th, 2010
2:55 pm
@M…sidenote…i knew of TKN before the podcast….just so you know we coming from the same place…i am just saying..in reality you would think marriage is black n white but its not…there is shades of gray sometimes….just choose wisely…but trust er now and then she will want to be alone and so will you PERIOD(DOT)
M. (pronouced M dot)
December 17th, 2010
2:55 pm
@Leggs
I see what you are saying but Rell thinks he can do any and everything I can do. I bet if he told his SO that he was going to Brazil in the morning she would be like what time does our flight leave?
Trevor0529
December 17th, 2010
2:57 pm
Checking in from lurkersville
@M.
Do you have an issue with ALL married men or just the married men still in their player stage? From the posts I’ve read, you have an issue with the married men still in their player stage. Also, if you let the woman choose you, and she is choosing the married dude. Is it the fault of the married dude being chosen or the woman who made the choice? Jus’ sayin’
M. (pronouced M dot)
December 17th, 2010
2:57 pm
@Rell
Shades of gray sounds right. Im sure there is compromise!
Melo!!
December 17th, 2010
3:00 pm
Leggs?
if dude works out and reduced the belly,,,how does he rate getting them draws?
Rell - 4000 degreez
December 17th, 2010
3:03 pm
@m….LOL…you actually believed that belly thing….he prolly creepy with a belly…now if he was more on 100 percent “nice guy” doing things for Leggs the size of the belly would shrink in her mind…lol….women are wired different…yeah nice bodies turn them on..but does it keep them…lol…
Leggs
December 17th, 2010
3:03 pm
@Melo ~ hush…I’d be 59 years old by the time he reduces that gut buster. He may have a hernia, I don’t know.
Leggs
December 17th, 2010
3:04 pm
@M. ~ I think Rell can, he’s not married.
Melo!!
December 17th, 2010
3:06 pm
Leggs?
How bout his fedex
Leggs
December 17th, 2010
3:09 pm
@Rell ~ you wrong there. He’s a very nice guy, 100% gentleman and has offered to do many things for me. I know me. I can visualize me sitting next to him on the couch looking at that big belly pretending I’m watching tv. Or I would consciously watch how he has to manuever and shake and shimmy to get out the car. He’s a nice man, I’m not attractive to him. Heck, my body isn’t what it use to, but I can’t compromise on big belly and lack of energy. I need/want/desire someone who isn’t so lackadaisical so to speak.
Mrs. JtJ
December 17th, 2010
3:10 pm
Hey Gang!!! It’s been a minute, got off early today after our Christmas Luncheon and I didn’t even have the desire to go shopping!!!!
Happy Birthday to all the fellow Sags out there!! If I remember correctly, Ared and Leggs were Sags—I know Legss enjoyed her b-day!!
On topic: We have to value more than just sex in a relationship. If a woman meets all of your needs/wants and falls short in 1 area—like sex–why not teach her and show her what you like and how to make it more pleasurable for you both? Then again, what about the sex was not on point? Is/was it not fixable? Unless, this was all that he was interested in….
Whether the relationship lacks in terms of sexual compatibility, emotional, physical needs—you have decide if these are important enough to end it or if you are willing to try to fix/correct it. Now, if you have discussed it and tried to fix it, with no positive results; then I could see letting it go.
2CPTG©--"that dude from da innanet"
December 17th, 2010
3:10 pm
M., I’m not married!
Leggs
December 17th, 2010
3:10 pm
I’m not attracted to him…
SlimNumeroUno
December 17th, 2010
3:13 pm
Melo – I love that song but it’s getting too much play and sooner rather than later, I’ll be sick of it.
Rell - 4000 degreez
December 17th, 2010
3:13 pm
I would consciously watch how he has to manuever and shake and shimmy to get out the car.
-lol…@leggs you are funny!
AmazonRed™
December 17th, 2010
3:13 pm
Happy Birthday to all the fellow Sags out there!! If I remember correctly, Ared and Leggs were Sags—I know Legss enjoyed her b-day
Yeah JtJ! Happy Birthday to you too! SAG GIRLS ROCK!!!
BlackMagicWoman (Staceye) is a Sag too, as is Blackfoote I think! (is he still on here?)
AmazonRed™
December 17th, 2010
3:18 pm
I’d be 59 years old by the time he reduces that gut buster.
And come on…you’re a slender lil thing..that’s probably part of the attraction to you (go figure) but walking next to him y’all would look like the number 10.
Leggs
December 17th, 2010
3:20 pm
Thank you JtJ ~ girl, you know I enjoyed myself. It was nice. Thank you and happy b-day to you too!!!
Happy B-day to all fellow Sags…I remember Blackfoote’s bday is tomorrow.
Melo!!
December 17th, 2010
3:20 pm
Compromise on big belly and no energy….?
Leggs,I ain’t never heard of a mouf with no energy! He’s good!
Leggs
December 17th, 2010
3:22 pm
@ARed ~ we would look like the number 11 while walking away from you, but will look like the number 10 walking toward you.
AmazonRed™
December 17th, 2010
3:23 pm
Yikes.
Leggs
December 17th, 2010
3:23 pm
@Melo ~ although I’m wasting keystrokes responding, but there’s more to life and my very existence than having a mouf w/energy.
AmazonRed™
December 17th, 2010
3:26 pm
DreamsMaterialize
December 17th, 2010
3:32 pm
melo you serving up a recipe for disaster to Leggs. You can’t force something that’s not there. If you do, you can pretty much set your watch to the failure of the relationship.
cba
December 17th, 2010
3:32 pm
10, that’s imaginative and funny. What about a capital “o” 1O
Melo!!
December 17th, 2010
3:34 pm
Don’t mind me Leggs, I’m thinking of that blogger/lurked yesterday who expressed ‘ate, or being eaten good’ thoughts.
Gutter for Friday..
U know of a slow but cool nice spot for 40+ folks Leggs?
I wanna get my rugged behind on a dance floor tonite….no, don’t want the usual suspects on the east side.
Rell - 4000 degreez
December 17th, 2010
3:38 pm
#np geto boys – scarface…what!!!!!!!!!!!
Mo (aka Moeisha)
December 17th, 2010
3:41 pm
Afternoon All!! TGIF!!
Im trying to catch up after spending the day with Lil Mo at school yesterday. WHEW! Gotta love educators!!
so what are we discussing??
2CPTG©--"that dude from da innanet"
December 17th, 2010
3:42 pm
BlackMagicWoman (Staceye)
damn….I didn’t know BMW was Staceye….hey you, if you’re lurkin!!!!
AmazonRed™
December 17th, 2010
3:50 pm
I didn’t know BMW was Staceye….
*slow bus pulls up, 2Can gets on*
AmazonRed™
December 17th, 2010
3:50 pm
I didn’t know BMW was Staceye….
*slow bus pulls up, 2Can gets on*
Mo (aka Moeisha)
December 17th, 2010
3:53 pm
ARed – LMAO!! WOW
2CPTG©--"that dude from da innanet"
December 17th, 2010
4:02 pm
“*slow bus pulls up, 2Can gets on*”
hahahahahah…that was funny…..how can I make a smiley that flips you off???
For Real
December 17th, 2010
4:04 pm
What up blog fam!!! Let me see what the happs are…
On topic: The brain is the most powerful thing on the planet, use it instead of your heart.
Let me see if I can translate what Mdot is saying, “I don’t care what the ratio is, married men need to keep dey ass at home! And married men STANK!!!!”
Melo has talked Leggs into wasting some key strokes on a pimp belly.
Celisea
December 17th, 2010
4:05 pm
I’m hungry
Mo (aka Moeisha)
December 17th, 2010
4:07 pm
okay so this caramel iced cupcake from A Piece of Cake is sooooo dayum good, WOW!
Melo!!
December 17th, 2010
4:08 pm
wait a minute….
u are Celisea?
Damn,dam girls are talking this week…
yesterday it was Sheena, today Celisea!
2Can.. BMW can belly dance too….bro?
bro????
sleeping in here!
Celisea
December 17th, 2010
4:10 pm
Melo – yesterday it was Sheena, today Celisea!
Man don’t go there. I wouldn’t share there here..like Sheena did, uh uh
You’re always waiting on that entrance huh?
2CPTG©--"that dude from da innanet"
December 17th, 2010
4:11 pm
“2Can.. BMW can belly dance too….”
now that I know it’s Staceye, yeah…she’s mentioned that before….amongst other things….
2CPTG©--"that dude from da innanet"
December 17th, 2010
4:16 pm
That would be cool if Sheena was a regular….
Celisea
December 17th, 2010
4:17 pm
That would be cool if Sheena was a regular….
I’m almost willing to bet she is
2CPTG©--"that dude from da innanet"
December 17th, 2010
4:19 pm
Celisea, you think?
Celisea
December 17th, 2010
4:20 pm
C’mon, nobody “stumbles” this blog’s way and then say something way to the left like that…at least I don’t think. I mean I think it can be said cause it was but somebody just walking up? Naaah, that’s somebody that was someboy that needed to get that off their chest.
Celisea
December 17th, 2010
4:21 pm
That was somebody that needed to get that off their chest…maybe it was bait…I dunno
Celisea
December 17th, 2010
4:21 pm
If you beckon for her, how much you want to bet she’ll appear? If not today Monday…LOL
2CPTG©--"that dude from da innanet"
December 17th, 2010
4:23 pm
ain’t no tellin….
Celisea
December 17th, 2010
4:23 pm
I’m going for a snack…I’m hungry. I probably should have eaten more wings. I know good and well 8 ain’t enough…sigh
Celisea
December 17th, 2010
4:23 pm
“knew”
Celisea
December 17th, 2010
4:23 pm
“wasn’t”
2CPTG©--"that dude from da innanet"
December 17th, 2010
4:24 pm
C..she prolly been lurkin forever…look how long you lurked before jumping in….btw, did you ever state why you waited so long?
Rell - 4000 degreez
December 17th, 2010
4:27 pm
Have a good weekend folks…i am out!
2CPTG©--"that dude from da innanet"
December 17th, 2010
4:28 pm
Be easy, playboy.
Celisea
December 17th, 2010
4:28 pm
C..she prolly been lurkin forever…look how long you lurked before jumping in…btw, did you ever state why you waited so long?
Yeah, that’s probably true. I lurked a looong time. I dunno, somebody turned me on to the blog so I really didn’t even think about jumping in for a while. You remember back then it was a riot everyday so I mainly read and passed the time while I worked…and laughed waaay too loud (folks would send me IMs asking “whatchu laffing at”). Back then too it was Mia blogging from her experience and people would speak from that. Once Wise started post sort of “general” entries, I started feeling like, “hmmm I can relate to that”…
Leggs
December 17th, 2010
4:32 pm
Dang, someone left me out in the cold for a long time.
@ARed ~ that was funny (short bus). Picture my head co*cked to the side like a dog’s while reading 2C not knowing.
2CPTG©--"that dude from da innanet"
December 17th, 2010
4:34 pm
yeah, it is kinda funny when you think about how many “unknown” participants we have; like we’re on a damn stage somewhere….I say we do like the Ga prisoners and start a protest in this som’bytch ‘less some of our demands are met…..
Leggs
December 17th, 2010
4:35 pm
@2C ~ they protest via their cell phones by texting…wait, wait a glorified hot dayum minute…we’s a texting via computer. Ok, ok, let’s do this!
Mo (aka Moeisha)
December 17th, 2010
4:35 pm
2CPTG – I saw a personalized tag this AM with your name on it. I just knew it was you in that big body benz! LOL!
Celisea – I lurked for a while too before I jumped in.
Celisea
December 17th, 2010
4:36 pm
Mo – how long have you been blogging..if you can remember? It was a hoot when I first got here…I was almost addicted
Sassy Me..my neck..my back :-)
December 17th, 2010
4:38 pm
….I say we do like the Ga prisoners and start a protest in this som’bytch ‘less some of our demands are met…..
Make it do what it do….
2CPTG©--"that dude from da innanet"
December 17th, 2010
4:39 pm
2CPTG – I saw a personalized tag this AM with your name on it. I just knew it was you in that big body benz! LOL!
shhhh……
Mo (aka Moeisha)
December 17th, 2010
4:43 pm
Celisea – Ive been on here about 3-4yrs. I lurked for about a year, when i was ‘going through’ my divorce.
2CPTG – I see ya big timer, I gotcha
2CPTG©--"that dude from da innanet"
December 17th, 2010
4:43 pm
Sassy….I long for days when our email addy’s were linked to our monikers….that way you could “tap” somebody on the shoulder without it being on front street…..
how can we protest though….
Leggs
December 17th, 2010
4:45 pm
Rather they organized via text.
Celisea
December 17th, 2010
4:47 pm
I long for days when our email addy’s were linked to our monikers
yep..remember that
Sassy Me..my neck..my back :-)
December 17th, 2010
4:49 pm
I don’t know 2C but for some reason folks feel it necessary to change monikers to either start some isht,call someone out on the sly or just to spark convo on the blog… The changes made were done for a reason but like you said who are we to say anything.
Sassy Me..my neck..my back :-)
December 17th, 2010
4:50 pm
Peace n Blessings y’all!!!!
Mrs. JtJ
December 17th, 2010
4:52 pm
I remember when we used to be able to call “sidebar” and send someone an e-mail to clarify what they meant/said….back around ‘05..i believe.
2CPTG©--"that dude from da innanet"
December 17th, 2010
4:53 pm
sh yt tin me, I’m feelin rebellious….
who wanted Spartacus….you got it!
Leggs, come up with us a list of “requests”…we’ll present ‘em to Diva; and if the majority of ‘em ain’t met, we gon’ tear da roof off this som’bytch!!!! who wit me?
2CPTG©--"that dude from da innanet"
December 17th, 2010
4:54 pm
I’m just playin, Diva…..please don’t ban me…….again!
Leggs
December 17th, 2010
5:05 pm
That was funny 2C ~ chest all poked out only to run behind mama’s leg apologizing!
Leggs
December 17th, 2010
5:06 pm
Good night! Hope all of you have a Merry Christmas…see you on the 28th.
“The quality of a person’s life is in direct proportion to their commitment to excellence, regardless of their chosen field of endeavor.” ~ Vince Lombardi
Mo (aka Moeisha)
December 17th, 2010
5:14 pm
alright everyone, have a great weekend!
c
December 18th, 2010
6:11 pm
sexy cool – what you say is true but I have to wonder just how many kids did you make in the process and are you responsible for each one of them?
Danielle
December 18th, 2010
9:50 pm
I married a gay so called man in Atlanta so I am leaving the gay capital in the US.
jill
December 18th, 2010
9:52 pm
Gays have taken over this city. I detest them too.
Jughead Obama
December 19th, 2010
1:50 am
It’s cheaper to find a woman you hate and buy her a house. Trust me, I-Nothing Michelle. Yes dear, I pooper scoopered the dog. Have a nice time wasting taxpayer money, dear/
Ron Hyatt
December 19th, 2010
1:52 am
All women are prostitutes. Some want the money directly, others want it indirectly, like a house, half the assets after the planned from the beginning divorce, etc.
Jay
December 19th, 2010
10:53 am
Maybe Rell and Simple Man ought to be discussing what attracts women – not just what or who they’re after.
Stevereeno
December 19th, 2010
12:41 pm
I met my wife at a summer fair in Marietta,…we got trashed and woke up together the next day. We’ve never been appart since. We laugh,…we yell, mostly about silly things like cooking. We’ve been through tough times and great times. Humor and laughter is a very big part of it. We have fun together. Generousity is important, generous of the heart, meaning you don’t always have to have the last word. We still sit together on the love seat and rub one anothers back. We still go for walks. We’re together 10 years and I still feel like it’s the first….this Christmas she said; ‘lets go see your Mom.’ Most everyone place looks first. That’s the first mistake. Looks and attraction are important but not so nearly as much as the god given gifts that lay under the surface of the skin.
Look for someone who smiles and laughs, who is comfortable in their own skin. Then, how does her Mother treat her Daddy? Visa versa.