Thanks Leggs.

I know Simple and cats on here know exactly what I’m talking
bout!

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I feel ya Melo…but what puzzles me about that dude, is how da hell he knew if he wanted to be exclusive with that chic if he hadn’t even had sex with her! Why, because she was attractive? hogwash….

Dan, that’s an example of buddy not qualifying a female.

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Morning…my thoughts

I dig where you brothers went this morning on knowing yourself….but honestly (and maybe it’s the cynic in me) this reads like chased, got it and ready for the next. Given the fact that he claimed he “thought he wanted to be exclusive” and seeing she wasn’t just some old schmo he randomly smashed, did he perform due diligence for making things better before wanting to walk? I mean I can see if he just smashed but she was potentially “the one” right?

For the chick scenario, I wouldn’t apply came, saw, conquered but I will ask the same….did she tell him she’s feeling lack and wants more intimacy? More and more you see people “waiting and expecting” for the spectacular to just appear. No pain no gain.

TenderR – When I seriously was seeking a committed relationship, I took dating more serious…to help me sift through the rift-raft of men. I was specific and upfront with men when I was serious, I didn’t have the nonchalant attitude.

I agree with you. Rift raft sometimes qualifies as a dude just wanting to shoot the sh*t and you don’t. He’s not a bad person for that but for a woman wanting something solid, that qualifes as rift raft. Too, it’s not the scenario of beating the pavement and on a man hunt but you know what you want. Sometimes you can encounter someone you really like but if their path and your path aren’t parallel, it’s just smart to stay on your path. When our differences places us on different ends of the spectrum, IMO you become delusional because really you hope for a change but they’ve already stated otherwise.

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I have conflicting thoughts on this…if you end it too early based on superficial reasons, then you could be missing out on a great partner. I’ve had friends do this and then down the road, realize it may have been a mistake to end it so early.

I also have stuck it out in some relationships in the past when I should have bailed because the guy ended up being not worth waiting for and I wasted a lot of time.

P.S. Still trying to think of a better moniker!

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I know for sure that I stayed in my last relationship too long but instead of bailing I tried to encourage and support but that didn’t work. You can’t make someone want some sh!t if they don’t want it for themselves…be it a better job/education/a spine…

Let me add to the list… if they don’t want to bathe on a regular basis, they fart at the dinner table, they refuse to lose weight and they think a high school education is just like a Masters degree. It’s time to cut your losses and move on…..

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Thanks Sassy

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Morning MIA fam.

Love Rell and 2Can’s posts this morning.

During my dating ‘career’ sometimes I didn’t realize I really desired something in a relationship until I was in that relationship and it wasn’t there. Perhaps yoga-girl didn’t know she needed affection until she didn’t have it. Especially if all her previous relationships were with affectionate men.

Dating is trial and error – you learn and move on to the next one. That is why I never subscribed to the theory that something was wrong with me because I reached a certain age without being in a 2 year relationship (or whatever timeframe folks used) – if I saw I wasn’t getting what I needed, I moved on. And it wasn’t the superficial stuff it was communication, affection, honesty, etc.

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When did dating with a predetermined end point become a bad thing????

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Morning all -

I think you have to trust your instincts, but also to get out of your own way. I also have a freind who needed affection from her mate. He was a surgeon so you know all of her girlfriends were pushing her to make it work ( ) but at the end of the day I agreed with her that if you know yourself and what you need out of a relationship, you can’t ignore it even if everything else is good.

Because sometimes, that unfulfilled need is like a cancer, it starts out small but it can grow and be a (relationship) killer.

Of course, some folks just fall into the 80/20 trap and end up leaving their 80 chasing after the 20 too.

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is how da hell he knew if he wanted to be exclusive with that chic if he hadn’t even had sex with her!

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@Melo @Slim1

“the challenge of the chase is thrilling coz it’s a ‘big fish’,(she beautiful,educated,fun etc)”

I really dont get into that whole chase thing no matter how “big a fish” it is. It is simple. Its all about cooperation. She is either interested in you or shes not. The woman has to choose you. I think thats the problem. Alot of guys think they can win a woman over, spend too much time trying to impress a woman, and jump through all of these hoops to get her. It doesnt work like that.

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That is why I never subscribed to the theory that something was wrong with me because I reached a certain age without being in a 2 year relationship (or whatever timeframe folks used) – if I saw I wasn’t getting what I needed, I moved on. And it wasn’t the superficial stuff it was communication, affection, honesty, etc.

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The woman has to choose you….

from The Book of Wisdom. Learned this from an uncle years ago. A woman choses her man, she does not wait to be chosen.

Always makes me shake me head when I see/hear women give men utlimatums of it “her or me”.

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2 wives left me and divorced me, and I never even called a lawyer. Frankly, I didn’t mind them leaving all that much. While that is telling enough, they did come to regret their leaving in a fairly short time, but I didn’t come to such regret. I figure I should never have married them in the first place. Have I made some really bad choices in life, oh yeah, I sure have.

I figure that people want what they want, whether they know why they want it or not. Far be it from me to deny their wants, no matter who they are. Oftentimes it’ll turn out that what they thought they wanted isn’t what they really wanted, or they changed their mind about what they wanted, or priorities shifted in their wish lists. From my perspective, women are more susceptible to this than men, but that’s using men in general as a frame of reference, only me.

I suppose to spare regret, ensure that you don’t act in the heat of the moment in an emotional response. Try and take a step back and get a rational perspective. Consider whether the thing(s) that are bugging you about the other person are really all that important, or maybe a side-effect of a temporary condition, or whether maybe the issue(s) really reflect more upon you than them.

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@D23

Thats just my philosophy. Some guys like to chase women around 285 lol. My friend dc has a boyfriend but she always meets guys and tells them this and they always say things like, “Im going to steal you from your man, Im going to break yall up etc”. Ridiculous….

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Do you think we have these ideas about what relationships should be about and bail out too fast when we don’t get it? Are you in the wrong relationship because they aren’t satisfying an important need?

Maybe, maybe not for both questions. The only ‘wrong’ to me is not accepting the consequences for staying or going.

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Tender –

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blue – to easy to just act out of hurt feelings or whatever emotion is running at that particular moment, only in the end to say what have i done.

Exactly

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Well dang abc. You beat me to it. I think you explained it better too.

I agree.

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abc…wow. thanks for such a rather intimate and appropriate post.

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bout close to jumping on the ‘It just ain’t gonna happen’ side of the fence.

Ugh…that sucks. Certainly been there. But can’t say you couldn’t see that outcome coming…

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@Luvbug

Yup qualifiers….just a system of checks and balances to make sure she is a good fit for me. Since I am going to be dating, I might as well get the best!

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Leggs – Have you ever dropped a guy who met your revised list because he didn’t meet qualifiers from your old list?

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Celisea, I see you are picking right up on dropping the knowledge…

Not you Cel, others, can you limit the biographies to maybe a paragraph or two … and please remember, not to be a blog spell hound, but it’s never a lower case i always capital I unless used in a word.

Back to the topic.

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Luvbug?

I’m curious bout yours too..

let’s see what’s in ur hand

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