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Dating: Are you in the wrong relationship?

If you are having doubts about the person you are dating, does it mean you are in the wrong relationship? I ask because a couple of different people have told me that they want to end their relationship because of a few doubts they have.

One guy told me that he pursued a woman for months and thought he wanted to be exclusive with her. When the realized they had zero chemistry in the bedroom, suddenly she’s the wrong person for him.

Interestingly enough, a woman I know from yoga told me that she doubts her boyfriend is the one because he doesn’t show any affection whatsoever. She is the type that needs that from a relationship.

Do you think we have these ideas about what relationships should be about and bail out too fast when we don’t get it? Are you in the wrong relationship because they aren’t satisfying an important need?

How do you rank those needs in importance? What do you think you have to have in a relationship that would make you want to stick it out?

Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Blog

261 comments Add your comment

Rell -bout it, bout it

December 17th, 2010
8:55 am

One guy told me that he pursued a woman for months and thought he wanted to be exclusive with her. When the realized they had zero chemistry in the bedroom, suddenly she’s the wrong person for him

^^^this occurs when you value the chick more than you value yourself…or you just out to see her O face..zero chemistry…folks make me laugh with these self-deceptive line of thinking!

Dan - Simply...Superior

December 17th, 2010
9:01 am

Valid point Rell,

Though too, people craft these fantasies of “ideal” and like a kid’s belief in Santa (or Republicans in tax cuts), there is no telling ‘em anything different – that’s what life is.

Simple Man!!!!

December 17th, 2010
9:06 am

What good fellas???

On Topic…..

This happens to me all the time!!!I chase ‘em down and after a minute I figure out that the forever I wanted to invest in them only lasted the weekend….

Rell -bout it, bout it

December 17th, 2010
9:11 am

@simple man

- chasing women does not pay off. When you are chasing women…in reality you are chasing the last woman…every woman does not enjoy the “chase”…hell some just go along with the program because that what they were taught to do…lay back and enjoy the pursuit….but the next time you come across a lady..lay back…haunt her life…meaning come to her indirect and then you will see if she fits the simple man plan….other than that you just throwing ish against the wall hoping something sticks!

Sweet Pea

December 17th, 2010
9:13 am

Good Morning and Happy Friday :)

If you have expressed whatever concerns you have in the relationship with your s/o and it’s still stagnant then maybe you are in the wrong relationship. I feel no need to remain in something where the other person doesn’t appear to be interested especially after the talk and you appear to be oblivious to obvious. zero chemistry = wrong relationship..IMO

TenderRoni

December 17th, 2010
9:15 am

@Rell, are you saying that men get caught up in the thrill of the chase,but the thrill is gone when the results (doing-the-do)are a let down?

@Simple, you sure you don’t have commitment phobes?

Sweet Pea

December 17th, 2010
9:17 am

oops left out a word…be oblivious to obvious…

meant to say “be oblivious to the obvious”

Rell -bout it, bout it

December 17th, 2010
9:18 am

@Rell, are you saying that men get caught up in the thrill of the chase,but the thrill is gone when the results (doing-the-do)are a let down?

- @tr…its not about the “relations” that cause the man to be let down…its him…its him self-decieving himself into thinking this female will make him whole….

Sweet Pea

December 17th, 2010
9:20 am

@Rell~ I enjoy your commentary!

Rell -bout it, bout it

December 17th, 2010
9:25 am

@sweet pea..thanks!

2CPTG©--"that dude from da innanet"

December 17th, 2010
9:26 am

G’morning….

this is quite simple..if YOUR basic needs aren’t met, then yeah, you are in the wrong relationship! hangin around in hopes that things’ll get better or work its way out, only sets you up for failure in the long run. Or, opens the door for cheating! Rell, you made a good point, you gotta value yourself, more than you value the chic. sounds harsh on the surface, but that’s how it goes.

blue©

December 17th, 2010
9:28 am

Morning Peoples….

yeah, i think there are folks who bail too fast. they have an ideal in their head, and when he/she chews too loud, they cant hack it. i think it takes an honest eval of your list, a priotity check…that way when they do something that gets your dander up, you can accurately rate where it stands on the “am i out of here?” meter….

2CPTG©--"that dude from da innanet"

December 17th, 2010
9:30 am

“yeah, i think there are folks who bail too fast.”

I believe the exact opposite; I think folks hang around too long (in some instances)!

Dan - Simply...Superior

December 17th, 2010
9:31 am

Part of valuing yourself is realizing that no one else can make you whole, happy, or feel anything other than loved by them.

If you looking outside yourself for happiness, you in the hole already.

And the last thing anybody wants is to fill in another person.

Rell -bout it, bout it

December 17th, 2010
9:33 am

@2c…i think dudes are just too quick now a days…I have seen brothers go to the extreme for what???….Women dont like things given to them..if you do give in to early..prepare to be the next project for her…women love to think about mulitply things at once…so if your one dimensional and she is not longer exciting…its not HER its YOU player..2c I agree with your post…dudes take no time now-a-days to qualify a woman

Simple Man!!!!

December 17th, 2010
9:35 am

Rell…I feel you, But I would be lying If I said I did not enjoy the chase…. I do.The dating game for me is just that….I am honest and I don’t get into misleading ladies, but the fun is in the cat and mouse…( for me anyway)

TenderRoni, No, I am not afraid of commitment, and When I am blown away I will do just that. But I am also not one of those folk that feels incomplete if I am not in a relationship

blue©

December 17th, 2010
9:36 am

@2C – think folks hang around too long – id agree with that one too. allabout priorities…and if they are crossing out BIG ones from your list, gotta put a stop to waiting for them to pencil em back in..

2CPTG©--"that dude from da innanet"

December 17th, 2010
9:40 am

“dudes take no time now-a-days to qualify a woman”

yep….

Rell -bout it, bout it

December 17th, 2010
9:41 am

@simple man…cool, i am just speaking my piece on it…you can have the cat and mouse…i would just suggest women with more imagination to pursue

TenderRoni

December 17th, 2010
9:41 am

@Simple, so are you at a point where dating is all that you want? or are you seriously ready to committ?

@Rell, that 9:33 very on point!

the truth hurts

December 17th, 2010
9:42 am

Those are both legit reasons. Better to find out now on the sex thing, and the differences in affection is not something that can be easily overcome.
Some people are naturally affectionate, and some aren’t. I you like to touch and be touched, this can be an enduring problem.

Leggs

December 17th, 2010
9:42 am

Good morning!

“If you looking outside yourself for happiness, you in the hole already.”

You damn skippy!!!

SlimNumeroUno

December 17th, 2010
9:42 am

Dan - Simply...Superior

December 17th, 2010
9:42 am

@Simple

Waiting to be “blown away” will keep you twisting in the wind my boy.

There is no magic bullet, perfect woman, or special lady. She’s someone you wanna spend your time with. Someone that compliments the life you you’re building for yourself.

Waiting on “the one” is waiting on Godot, and good luck with that.

Dan - Simply...Superior

December 17th, 2010
9:44 am

Rell/2C

Would one of y’all explain “qualify”-ing a person to me?

I’m lost

2CPTG©--"that dude from da innanet"

December 17th, 2010
9:45 am

I’mma even take it a step further….lotta women claim their “goodies” are their most prized possession, and it takes awhile to get to it; Ms. Lady, hate to be the bearer of bad news, but actually it ain’t, or should be! Your “heart” should be what you value the most….’cause I can knock you off and not give two sh!ts about you…but my heart…you get that, you got some’n!

2CPTG©--"that dude from da innanet"

December 17th, 2010
9:50 am

Dan….qualifying a woman?

Think outside the box for a second; Same way you would evaluate any major purchase you make; Is it gon’ stand the test of time, how are the safety features, what does the research say about it, how does it test drive, does it fit “you”….feel where I’m coming from?

Simple Man!!!!

December 17th, 2010
9:56 am

TenderRoni, I am at a point where I refuse to make finding a wife the sole point of dating. I love women and maybe one day i will meet the person that I will spend the rest of my life with. But my life will not be incomplete if i do not find her. Maybe she is someone i already know…Maybe she is the girl that the mall or at Kroger..Dating and meeting ladies is fun, i enjoy spending time and getting to know them…I enjoy the moment. No harm, no foul….

Melo!!

December 17th, 2010
9:59 am

@2Can?!

but chicks say that about their goodies…9.45 because once the goodies are tempered with,the heart gets compromised.

Dudes or most dudes are not affected like that….

A nutt is just that…a release..the heart is still intact.

Not so with the sophisticates!

good morning fellas and cuties

DreamsMaterialize

December 17th, 2010
9:59 am

Do you think we have these ideas about what relationships should be about and bail out too fast when we don’t get it?
Nope. If you feel you can’t live with it, then bounce. Don’t “stick it out” for my sake (I won’t do it)…just prolonging the inevitable.

TenderRoni

December 17th, 2010
10:03 am

@Simple…idk it could just be me, but there is a different mind set between dating and being ready to commit. to me when you are ready to commit you take meeting someone a little more seriously.

Rell -bout it, bout it

December 17th, 2010
10:05 am

@2c….BOTH of your recent post I cosign..btw pimpin…i am playing “crumbs to brix”..lol

@Dan….what 2c said!..Qualifying…also with qualifying comes ugrading…so you should be always re-inventing yourself or adding a new skill…or having goals for your relationship…like what worked in 10 will not work 2011…so if you are boo’d up after new years is the time to say we are going to do…we are going to be this much further along in our relationship…we are going to try….think project management and stick to those things….its goes along way with being a man of your word…also women like to have things to look forward to..something to think on…men where built for work…women were built to help and rest….just something to think about

Simple Man!!!!

December 17th, 2010
10:09 am

TenderRoni….Are you involved seriously with someone???? If not, is finding a partner your only focus? Does it drive every interaction you have with men?

Dan - Simply...Superior

December 17th, 2010
10:09 am

@2C

I’m still marinating on that one…

@Rell

“Upgrading?” I take your point, but feel me on this. While I take my past with me, my goal in life is “ever onward, ever upward” so upgrading in that sense is something I’mma do anyway.

Now, if we get to talking about life paths and she wanna roll with mine, cool; if not, cool too.

My path is set before me, the woman that’s with me walks it with me.

Melo!!

December 17th, 2010
10:14 am

@Simple!

I agree with TRoni’s 10.03.

Melo!!

December 17th, 2010
10:15 am

Enter your comments here

Rell -bout it, bout it

December 17th, 2010
10:16 am

@dan…cool..i can feel that.

2CPTG©--"that dude from da innanet"

December 17th, 2010
10:17 am

Melo,
“Dudes or most dudes are not affected like that….
A nutt is just that…a release..the heart is still intact.”

that’s why the dude in Diva’s post immediately wanted to dismiss ‘ol girl after he found out her goodies weren’t all that…He probably spent months (and much loot) trying to woo this chic, only to be let down later on down the road….silly rabbit!

free2be

December 17th, 2010
10:21 am

ppl can wind up in the wrong relationship b/c what they value is not solid. whatever a relationship is built on needs to be solid and lasting. if it’s based on surface stuff the bottom will fall out at some point. looks, status and knowing the “right” ppl will come ago but if there’s trust, chemistry (not just physical), good communication and similar life’s goals…you can build something from that.

M. (pronouced M dot)

December 17th, 2010
10:21 am

Friday.

I think if you are having doubts in the relationship, the problem may be that you two dont have the same relationship agendas.

There are basically 3 kinds of relationships (listed below) and when you two arent on the same page, thats when the problems start. People bail out because they fear being straight forward about their agendas and thinking these problems will correct themselves over time.

Potential makes me want to stick out the relationship.

1. Emotional
2. Physical
3. Financial

These problems are even in the post.

Example 1: Physical

“One guy told me that he pursued a woman for months and thought he wanted to be exclusive with her. When the realized they had zero chemistry in the bedroom, suddenly she’s the wrong person for him.”

Example 2: Emotional

“Interestingly enough, a woman I know from yoga told me that she doubts her boyfriend is the one because he doesn’t show any affection whatsoever. She is the type that needs that from a relationship.”

TenderRoni

December 17th, 2010
10:21 am

When I seriously was seeking a committed relationship, I took dating more serious…to help me sift through the rift-raft of men. I was specific and upfront with men when I was serious, I didn’t have the nonchalant attitude. My focus was meeting quality men, and focus on the compability, the communication, and is he someone i can believe in, I focused more on developing a deeper connection with him, and not something on the surface.

Rell - 4000 degreez

December 17th, 2010
10:23 am

He probably spent months (and much loot) trying to woo this chic, only to be let down later on down the road….silly rabbit!

- yep dude was simpin…..lol@much loot….because dudes cant ID the chicks that will drain the pockets..they go into the “trick” bag date one…lol

blue©

December 17th, 2010
10:25 am

random rant: dear people: you know when your going on vacation. you also know i have other work to do. please dont bring you’re last minute cr@p to me “rush rush, gotta have it b4 i go” when you let lapse all this time…now you’re desk is clear andmine is a mess….as a wise person once said “Lack of preparation on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part”

back to regularly scheduled programming….

Leggs

December 17th, 2010
10:41 am

@TenderRoni ~ I’m definitely feeling your 10:21. When you take it seriously its much easier to weed out the rift raft and the men that drop IS all over the place. Let’s hope there’s only one of him out there.

SexyCool

December 17th, 2010
10:43 am

I have so much more to say on this subject than I have time to say it or even space to do so.

Having spent much of my younger years in the wrong relationships, I am grateful now for the lessons that going and growing through each of them taught me. I learned to more quickly recognize when it was not a match, not a love connection.

And I am better prepared to be in the relationship that I am in now and am met with constant reminders to not take this relationship for granted.

Steven Q. Stanley

December 17th, 2010
10:46 am

If you are over 30 and still single then the RIGHT relationship is one with any man who will put up with you sans domestic abuse. If he has a job, that is just a bonus.

Women who bail on a a guy because he needed a haircut, or his handwriting was funky, or whatever dumb reason women come up with to ditch a potential partner, are better off collecting cats.

M. (pronouced M dot)

December 17th, 2010
10:47 am

@SC

“And I am better prepared to be in the relationship that I am in now and am met with constant reminders to not take this relationship for granted.”

This is the realest thing that I have heard today. I think alot of people take a good relationship for granted because they think every relationship will be good.

I heard that after every great relationship we encounter, we also have to go thru about 4-5 bad ones next usually.

Leggs

December 17th, 2010
10:49 am

Oh damn, I was talking about you last night, Stanley Q and here you are!

Melo!!

December 17th, 2010
10:52 am

2Can?

that dude was in hunt mode. When u in hunt mode,all u care for is crushing that bone and licking ur lips after savoring the fillet.

Leggs

December 17th, 2010
10:53 am

Coming from you, Melo, that was nicely stated.