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Cheating pre-marriage a deal breaker?

I’ve noticed that a lot men that I have talked to about their exes who cheated on them rarely continue the relationship. It pretty much makes her off limits for anything more than hooking up. One guy even said that if she cheated before he even thought of marriage, she would probably do it again after marriage.

Do you believe that a person is not marriage material if they were unfaithful to you while you were dating? Is fair to hold that against a person who may have changed and learned from their mistakes?

Should cheating in marriage be compared to cheating on someone you are dating?

Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Blog

358 comments Add your comment

Sweet Pea

December 15th, 2010
8:46 am

Good Morning All!!

2C~ Panama City makes the news…very scary the shooting that occurred at the school board meeting

On Topic:
Do you believe that a person is not marriage material if they were unfaithful to you while you were dating? Personally, not for me as I feel that if you are already cheating while dating then you will do the same once we got married. I would certainly have doubts in my mind you would hit the “replay button”.

Is fair to hold that against a person who may have changed and learned from their mistakes?
No, I don’t think it’s fair to hold it against a person especially if it was in the past as people change. However if it happened while we were dating then it’s a deal breaker.

Should cheating in marriage be compared to cheating on someone you are dating?

Personally I feel that it should be on the same level. However, with marriage there are vows taken and with dating, you are single and not obligated to the other person unless you’ve discussed your level of relationship and both parties agree.

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

December 15th, 2010
8:47 am

G’morning…

“Should cheating in marriage be compared to cheating on someone you are dating?” Did you just ask that? c’mon man! If you cheat while dating you can just go on about your business….you cheat while you’re married, there’s gon’ be consequences, and repercussions!

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

December 15th, 2010
8:49 am

Sweet Pea, yeah, I watched that mess as it unfolded (not in person, of course); the school board building isn’t too far from where I work, so the swat team had the area cordoned off…..

Sweet Pea

December 15th, 2010
8:52 am

@2C~I am glad that you are ok and everyone else that was involved in the madness.

Beautiful

December 15th, 2010
9:02 am

gmorn all! =o) if there weren`t any other issues besides cheating that one time while dating, we`re good. ev1 deserves a 2nd chance. not a 3rd or 4th… b4 getting married, i would recommend the couple seek marriage counseling while engaged. that way the cheating can be addressed, why the person cheated, build back up the trust and communication, is both playn their role as helpmeet, etc.

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

December 15th, 2010
9:05 am

Thanks, Sweet Pea…

Hey Beautiful!

Dan - Simply...Superior

December 15th, 2010
9:10 am

Pre-marriage cheating is a sign of things to come.

It’s also a sign of some insecurity and immaturity.

Talk of marriage doesn’t come out of nowhere, it’s been discussed in parts and sections. And if those conversations have been had and you still cheat, they ‘eh thatsonyoushawty.

Beautiful

December 15th, 2010
9:13 am

relationships take a lot of work… everyday. giving up/walking away/letting go is the easy way out. always try to remember what 1st attracted you to your mate. we all hav faults and we all make mistakes we learn from.

Tspear

December 15th, 2010
9:13 am

I believe people can change. Men sometimes need a little time to see they can actually do the marriage thing and be faithful. Men just can’t take it when cheated on. Like they have been betrayed, as if the same rules don’t apply to them!

Rell - 23 months to retirement

December 15th, 2010
9:15 am

@ABC…i agree with you brother…PERIOD…i lived it and did it

Pre-marriage cheating is a sign of things to come.

It’s also a sign of some insecurity and immaturity

…i was more immaturity then insecure…

Beautiful

December 15th, 2010
9:17 am

hi babe! how are you?

did they cheat or are you insecure??? hmmmm…

busybodyk

December 15th, 2010
9:17 am

Yes, I think its a deal-breaker but cheating while dating and cheating while married can cause the same amount of hurt and damage to a relationship. If I had a friend who was married and got cheated on I would feel worse for them because of the vows and social expectation. I would feel just as bad for someone who was cheated on while dating but I would expect them to move on and not want to save the relationship. That person is telling you that they don’t want to be with only you so there’s no point in trying to move forward in the relationship toward marriage.

Rell - 23 months to retirement

December 15th, 2010
9:17 am

Men just can’t take it when cheated on. Like they have been betrayed, as if the same rules don’t apply to them!

-@tspear..this is one man that knows what is good for me is good for her….so yeah i tried to make it work after catching her for the 3948394839843943498343 time…but i know better now

YesSheIsCute

December 15th, 2010
9:19 am

I believe that people can change but under their own terms and in their own time. That said I don’t think I could give someone another chance b/c I feel if you give a man another chance then in the back of his mind he feels that I put up with cheating. Even if he goes through hell and high water to get me back. But then again I dont know men so I dont know. But I don’t think once a cheater always a cheater generally. It depends on the situation….

YesSheIsCute

December 15th, 2010
9:20 am

BTW Good morning everyone! It is too cold in ATL if I knew it was gonna get this cold I would have stayed in NYC! :)

Beautiful

December 15th, 2010
9:21 am

being insecure have u seein` things! and reading more into conversations etc.

Derby

December 15th, 2010
9:26 am

IMO, there is no way you can compare cheating while dating( is it really cheating?) to cheating during marriage. If I am just dating you, that means something in me is saying you are the one for that moment …we both have the option of finding the right one period. We get married, that means( to me) that we have decided that we have found the one and and all others are out of the picture.

Beautiful

December 15th, 2010
9:31 am

the stages are courting, dating, commitmt, engagemt, then marriage. so i agree kinda Derby. theres two steps missing that are very important.

blue©

December 15th, 2010
9:31 am

Morning Peoples!

Do you believe that a person isnt marriage material if they cheated while you were dating? if they cheated while we were dating, i mustve been waay deep in to have stuck around in the first place. if it was early, im out, no discussiong of marriage or anything else. that being said, feelings that invested i might be willing to consider marriage, but it would be a ways out. i dont really get with the saying once a cheater always a cheater. but best believe thre is only one do-over, and that only comes after you’ve earned he!!a bonus points lol

Purple Rain

December 15th, 2010
9:32 am

Cheating while dating, that may only be perceived as cheating by one person in the relationship or the relationship has not been defined as exclusively dating each other. Now if they were exclusive and serious, yes cheating while dating is a bad thing. But a lot of times people hook up with one person while they are still dating others and then that grows into something more exclusive and they end up married, never to hook up with anyone else again. Because they know their worth to one another.

BlackMagicWoman

December 15th, 2010
9:39 am

Top of the cold a$$ morning to you!!!

Once a cheat…always a cheat! If you take a person back after they have cheated on you…what’s to stop them from doing it again, love? Oh yeah…right, cause it sure worked the first time didn’t it? Not to mention, they know if you took them back once, you are stuck on stupid in love dumb enough to continue. And so the cycle begins! Why would this person respect a doormat? I’m sorry, but there are a lot of things that can be considered mistakes. But cheating a CHOICE that someone makes. You chose to do wrong! So why should you be forgiven? This isn’t Catholisism…say 10 Hail Marys and all is forgiven. No man….cheating is a deal breaker whether we are in a relationship or marriage! If I took a scumbag cheater back I would always wonder what or shall I say WHOM he is doing when he is not in my presence. And my sanity is worth waaaaay more than a man!

Purple Rain

December 15th, 2010
9:47 am

You are either single or married, that was the consensus on this very blog a few months ago. It was majority women who were making that point and driving it home.

Leggs

December 15th, 2010
9:50 am

Good morning.

Do you believe that a person isnt marriage material if they cheated while you were dating? He may be marriage material for someone, but not for me.

I agree, cheating while dating can cause the same hurt if married, but the consequences are much more severe if you’re married.

Leggs

December 15th, 2010
9:50 am

Hey, Beautiful…how you doing?

Dan - Simply...Superior

December 15th, 2010
9:53 am

Cheating on someone who you’ve thought/talked about marriage with is one thing (1).

Cheating on someone that you’re just dating (2), then meh.

In case one, there is no coming back. Even if that person takes you back, that hurt and suspicion is still out there.

In case two, there was no committment (if stated) and if there genuine remorse and willingness to move forward – there is a chance.

Genuine remorse being the key.

Delight23 ...Heading South for X-Mas

December 15th, 2010
9:56 am

Good morning peoples on this cool but beautiful and refreshing morning.

@topic: Uh, yeah. I’ve never (knowingly) stayed with a cheater. That’s a deal breaker period, because you are a certified liar in my book and I cannot look at you any other way. :|

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

December 15th, 2010
9:57 am

I ain’t gon lie, if ya cheat on me, it’s a blow to the ego…it’s been said that men are territorial creatures – I can attest to this!

yeah Beautiful, that heifer cheated….and got the boot as a result…now here it is, damn near 10 years later and she’s still regretting it!

Delight23 ...Heading South for X-Mas

December 15th, 2010
9:58 am

Cheating on someone that you’re just dating (2), then meh..

:?: if you were just “dating” and the relationship merely registers a “meh” on your scale of concern, then why wasn’t this level of expetancy established up front. :?:

Purple Rain

December 15th, 2010
10:03 am

When is the double standard going to come up?

Dan - Simply...Superior

December 15th, 2010
10:09 am

@Delight – it should be.

But in the realm of the possible, the practicle, and the actual expectations usually aren’t stated clearly, for both parties concurrence.

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
10:14 am

No, I do not think you’re marriage material if you cheat prior to marriage. Okay so you’re not married and you cheat…..not being married won’t negate the fact that you lack character and discipline. Once you cross a certain line of maturity on over into being and becoming an adult, you just need to grow the heck up and pick one. And if you fall back on the technicality of “not married yet” then let’s just say you have the trait. You posses the trait? Then let’s call it what it is.

Everybody get’s a fresh start with me…not to concerned about your history however if you cheat or display you lack of character and the ability to be forthcoming and true, I’m done. No do overs. If you change, that’s great. I just can’t do it though.

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
10:16 am

….and usually a fresh start with me won’t make me blind or silly to all the possibilities. You might be, you might not. If you’re changing or have change no worries. If you’re the same cheater but with a new person and that trait is there….it will have the same tragic ending.

Purple Rain

December 15th, 2010
10:18 am

What if both people cheated on each other then decided to get married? LOL

Leggs

December 15th, 2010
10:20 am

@PR ~ I think 2C’s 9:57 post said it all. It’s a blow to their ego when it’s done to them, unfortunately, that same vein of thought isn’t taking into account when they do the cheating!!

BlackMagicWoman

December 15th, 2010
10:20 am

Double Standard…

It’s funny how men expect a woman to forgive him going a stray. But let a woman cheat! The world has stopped turning and there is just a cold day in hell because she messed around on him! The nerve! :shock: It’s ok if “I” the man does it. Because I am just being a man. But you….you are supposed to put up with my crap and just be happy you have a man! Whoo hoo! GTFH! :lol:

Sweet Pea

December 15th, 2010
10:25 am

@PC~Wow…sounds like an “open marriage”>>>do whateva ya like<<<
hmmmmmmmm maybe the perk would be a tax break

Sweet Pea

December 15th, 2010
10:26 am

Happy Belated Birthday Leggs!!! I hope you enjoyed your day :)

Purple Rain

December 15th, 2010
10:26 am

Actually the double standard I was thinking of is when a man cheat he is wrong but when a woman cheats she is expected to be forgiven because the man did something to “make her” cheat. LOL If I cheated on a woman and she cheated on me, I cant get mad at her because I did the same thing. There are no virgins out there in my age group so everyone has a closet it’s only if that door has been opened or not.

Leggs, that is not true for all men. If I cheat on a woman I really don’t care if she has other extracurricular activities. Now if i put my heart into her and she cheated of course I would be hurt, just as a woman would be hurt if she put her all into a man and he cheated. SO it’s the same thing

Dan - Simply...Superior

December 15th, 2010
10:32 am

@PR

That whole “made her” do anything is that bull….

Beautiful

December 15th, 2010
10:32 am

hey Leggs! happy bday to you and ARed!!!

am i the only person on here marrying for other than love? if dude has no other issues but jus cheating that one time… if he is willing to be my Alpha, protect me, provide for our family, be a good husband friend father… like i said we`re good.

DreamsMaterialize

December 15th, 2010
10:33 am

Hmmmmm, so no one ever took back a cheater, or cheated and then got taken back?

blue©

December 15th, 2010
10:39 am

ime the ones who cheat just to cheat, just cause they could are usually men, the ones who cheated cause of some unhappiness on the homefront were more often women – cause lets face it, women are more emotional and men are more physical. but does that mean it cant go both ways – imo no. women are just as capable of cheating with a perfect home waiting for them.
but as far as reactions, im thinking BMW is right on. seen men who’ve been cheated on quick to kick her to the curb, but let him cheat and they expect 2nd and 3rd chances… just like the article someone (sorry cant remember who) posted on here a while back – dude cheated from day 1 probably hundreds of times, and he expected she’d be ok with it, but admtted if she were to cheat even once he’d bounce her out the door! WTF?

Purple Rain

December 15th, 2010
10:43 am

Dan, I agree.

Dreams, nope not cheaters on this blog. LOL, everyone is single because they have been cheated on or some other reason. :)

Delight23 ...Heading South for X-Mas

December 15th, 2010
10:46 am

am i the only person on here marrying for other than love?

Beautiful, that is the beauty (no pun) of marriage in that it is betweenn those two people. Whatever you two deem as workable is up to you.

For moi, a cheater is liar, which is a detrimental character flaw. You don’t get to offset this kind of behavior by being a good provider and protector, those come with the terriroty of being a good husband and a friend. A friend, who by the way would not look me in my eye and straight lie to me.

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
10:46 am

dude cheated from day 1 probably hundreds of times, and he expected she’d be ok with it, but admtted if she were to cheat even once he’d bounce her out the door! WTF?

Usually how it spins. I always say it’s that severe because they know the severity in which they’re doing their dirt and to have to imagine some other dude doing to your woman what you know you’re out there doing to other women is brutal.

SexyCool

December 15th, 2010
10:47 am

Purple Rain

December 15th, 2010
10:48 am

Let’s her some stories of women cheating. Any of you ladies ever cheated? LOL

TenderRoni

December 15th, 2010
10:48 am

I don’t know about when dating if thats necessarily cheating…even though I’m more prone to date one guy at a time. So if I found out he was sleeping with someone else, I probably wouldn’t see him the same way.

If in a commited relationship, and he cheats, it would be a deal breaker. To me it shows lack of committment, your not a man of your word, and disregard for me. If you can do then, you can do it in marriage. And to have that possiblity of you cheating in my head before marrigage…i couldnt go into marriage like that.

Purple Rain

December 15th, 2010
10:50 am

Delight23 ...Heading South for X-Mas

December 15th, 2010
10:51 am

Hmmmmm, so no one ever took back a cheater, or cheated and then got taken back?

Not here. I have only knowingly been cheated on by two men, from which I got ghost. I can laugh now, but then I was so pissed, more than hurt because I am always up front about my morals, ethics and expectations. These fools did not believe me.

Also, I’ve never cheated on any one I have ever dated. I live the walk as strongly as I preach the talk. Guess I’m an old soul who’s been “grown” from jump. No need to lie, steal or cheat in my house.

SexyCool

December 15th, 2010
10:51 am

DreamsMat – I took back a cheater…against my better judgement. Needless to say, it was a behavior pattern that did not change.

For me, having the experience that I did, cheating is a deal-breaker. Period. That is all.

Delight23 ...Heading South for X-Mas

December 15th, 2010
10:52 am

Actually the double standard I was thinking of is when a man cheat he is wrong but when a woman cheats she is expected to be forgiven because the man did something to “make her” cheat.

:?: Where, Bizarro World :?:

Purple Rain

December 15th, 2010
10:54 am

Delight, LOL you think like a dude

TenderRoni

December 15th, 2010
10:55 am

I have a femaile friend, who is married. she been married like 5 or 7 years. I used to work with her. Any ho…she always talked about a guy she was in a relationship, about the bed room activity and sorts. She pretty much fantastied about him a lot…is that cheating?

Its a saying (i think)…if you thought it, you might as well have done it..something like that

Beautiful

December 15th, 2010
10:55 am

imo men cant take a chick back cause he is visualizing her spreading her legs. me… i couldnt take him back cause i visualized him doing my fav things to her and that pissed me off! that what hurt me the most. i was the only one who was suppose to have that amazing feeling. now my whole way of thinking regarding cheating has chgd.

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
10:56 am

Too, if you take back a cheater, rather than remorseful (not begging to get back in), they’ll only turn to believe they got away with it and next thing you know, there he goes again. Rule to live by: NEVER take back a cheater.

SexyCool

December 15th, 2010
10:58 am

TendorRoni – While I do agree that it starts with a thought, I am still of the opinion that until you’ve done it, it ain’t done.

TenderRoni

December 15th, 2010
10:59 am

@Beautiful on your 10:55- I’m the same way. It does feel special anymore idk

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

December 15th, 2010
11:00 am

“imo men cant take a chick back cause he is visualizing her spreading her legs.”

yep….as Melo would say, his wang might be bigger than mine…and just thinking how he got my girl all face down, ass up….nah, cain’t deal wit no sh it like that……

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

December 15th, 2010
11:03 am

hell, I was crushed when my 2 of my blog wives divorced me….

SexyCool

December 15th, 2010
11:04 am

If you didn’t get caught, would you still call it cheating? (I kid. I kid.)

TenderRoni

December 15th, 2010
11:05 am

@SexyCool…im really been mild in describing how this chic fantastied about her ex beua..I mean she would be a work talking up dude. I and like lady you are married, what about you hubby> Its almost like if she had the opportunity, I think she would take it old dude. I think she was having problems with hubby.

Purple Rain

December 15th, 2010
11:05 am

SexyCool, LOL

Beautiful

December 15th, 2010
11:05 am

i will of course love my husband but others things that i mentiond wud be more important. ask a couple who have been married for 50 plus years whats the #1 thing. love aint it!

Beautiful

December 15th, 2010
11:08 am

2… who divorced you? two? you cheated on me? when? *tap`n foot* :(

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

December 15th, 2010
11:08 am

so Beautiful….you’re saying you’re “romantically challenged”?….ummm, the fellas and I were discussing this party we’re having sometime next year…..

Delight23 ...Heading South for X-Mas

December 15th, 2010
11:09 am

hell, I was crushed when my 2 of my blog wives divorced me….

I could see that. Not 1 but 2, dayum. 8O

Delight23 ...Heading South for X-Mas

December 15th, 2010
11:10 am

I don’t know SexyCool. Triumph is a self-proclaimed little slore. :lol:

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

December 15th, 2010
11:10 am

“2… who divorced you? two? you cheated on me? when?”

see, this is what happens when you take an unexcused leave of absence….on this lovely blog of ours, we had blog weddings…I had 4 wives, now I’m down to 2…..

kimmie

December 15th, 2010
11:10 am

Morning folks!

I am inclined to go with Celisea’s 10:14 – call it what it is. Falling back on the old disclaimer “not married yet” won’t work.

I want to clarify some things, especially before 4Real gets in here. Sleeping with someone else, going outside the relationship, when the 2 of you have agreed to be exclusive is what I’m understanding to be “cheating while dating”. Cause 4Real said “cheating” only occurs when you are married. Until marriage all bets are off, some believe.

I’m sorry, but past behavior usually is a preview to future behavior. If you gotta step out even though we are committed to each other and you are getting it regularly just as if we were newlyweds, there is something not quite right. That’s a Ga Dome sized red flag.

People can change, yes. But as I’ve said before, go “rehabilitate” with someone else!

Beautiful

December 15th, 2010
11:12 am

tenderoni… women are suckers for flattery. thats how they are suckd in.

Purple Rain

December 15th, 2010
11:12 am

Is staying quiet while 2CPTG is sending out party invitations. LOL

D Dub of the MSP (formerly of the ATL)

December 15th, 2010
11:12 am

Good morning bloggers! I know I haven’t blogged in a VERY long time, but I had to take a moment and speak on this topic because it hits about as close to home as anything could ever. I now live in Minneapolis because I moved to get married… for a little more than a month I have been officially divorced.

I am fully willing to accept what part I played in my failed marriage, however the utmost important thing is this – I remained true to my vows that I said before God and my family and friends. She did not. Turns out she was sleeping with a married coworker before we even got married – whenever I went out of town, she brought the dude to the house.

So my answer to today’s question is this – if you can’t keep your eyes and other body parts in the relationship before the rings get involved, I have absolutely no reason to believe that you won’t do it again – Consistency + Time = Trust, and if you jack up your “relationship credit report” with me, best believe I will have a hard time investing myself into you again after that.

Leggs

December 15th, 2010
11:13 am

@SweatPea/Beautiful ~ thanks, I had a blast.

@PR ~ you say it wouldn’t phase you if the woman you cheated on has extracurricular activities on the side because you’re not putting much into her other than your wang. Cool. Many women have to care before sexing. Not many of us sex for the hell of sexing. Men get all bent out of shape when she cheats and immediately kicks her to the curb, but wants more chances when she finds out he did the same…BS!

kimmie

December 15th, 2010
11:14 am

Oh, and yeah, I took back a cheater once years ago. And that’s all I’ll say about that.

And yes, I did cheat once while in a so-called relationship. Yeah, I’ll use the double standard, Purple. He wouldn’t give it up so I got it from someone else. And I don’t regret it.

SexyCool

December 15th, 2010
11:16 am

Leggs – I call that the ability to disassociate from the wang. In some, it is stronger than in others. Shthead used to say that for him it was like working out. I should have run like hell then.

Leggs

December 15th, 2010
11:17 am

@D Dub ~ WOW. Sorry you’re going through what you’re going through. I don’t understand why people have to cheat! Why are people so freaking greedy and wanting O.P.P.???

Beautiful

December 15th, 2010
11:17 am

2… romantically challenged? and ninja you didnt answer my freakn question!!! who are the two? 3000 miles away and i still cant truss you. smh.

Purple Rain

December 15th, 2010
11:18 am

kimmie, (rubbing your head and messing up your hair) Love you, and thank you for being honest :)

Leggs

December 15th, 2010
11:18 am

@SexyC ~ I know that wasn’t meant to make me laugh, but it did. Guess it’s to my detriment that I can’t dissaociate!!!

Leggs

December 15th, 2010
11:20 am

People are so free with their love these days. Guess the free love of the 60’s are coming back!

SexyCool

December 15th, 2010
11:20 am

Leggs – I found it pretty funny myself.

Purple Rain

December 15th, 2010
11:21 am

Leggs, I am on speaking from this man’s point of view. I refute you theory..just as many men are caring before sex just like some women are. And there are the same amount of women who have sex quick just like a guy does so that all women car before sex is bull. It’s not gender specific people want what they want, some are just more disciplined.

Beautiful

December 15th, 2010
11:21 am

hello Kimmie! =)

Dan - Simply...Superior

December 15th, 2010
11:21 am

There’s something to be said for disassociating the physical and the mental.

Though, it’s a futhamucker when them joints get tied….

BlackMagicWoman

December 15th, 2010
11:22 am

“Hmmmmm, so no one ever took back a cheater, or cheated and then got taken back?”
HELLZ NO!!!!!! :lol:

““imo men cant take a chick back cause he is visualizing her spreading her legs.””
Well how am I supposed to not think about you give her the c00chie snacks…then kissing me with same lips???? :shock: NOPE! Goodbye cheater!!!

PrincessNik

December 15th, 2010
11:23 am

Good Morning!

Cheating………..

Yes, I have taken back a cheater, wouldn’t do it again, knowing what i know now.

Yes, I have been the cheater

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
11:27 am

Well how am I supposed to not think about you give her the c00chie snacks…then kissing me with same lips????

Now that was funny. Yes, it’s just as mental for a woman as a man. All the things you say and do to me, you doing (if not more) and saying to her? Naw, I can’t do it.

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
11:28 am

Broken trust is a beast to overcome.

blue©

December 15th, 2010
11:28 am

in and out today…
@Celisea – 1046:that could very well be it, they know just how far they would go given the chance and cant settle the image in their heads…funny tho, do they think women have no minds eye? cant picture them with some other chick the way they picture her with the other dude?
@PR – looking for confessions? yes i have. actually did with mr.blue way back when…and he still married me…hmmmm….
@Delight – Bizarro World, thats funny….
@Princess – come help me clean my desk, its all tore up :(

kimmie

December 15th, 2010
11:29 am

Hey Ms Beautiful! Feliz Navidad!

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
11:29 am

….and yes, for me, if you cheat, EVERYTIME you’re out of my presence, that’s where my mind will go. So let’s say cheating did completely kill it, the last of trust it finish it off.

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
11:31 am

blue – Celisea1046:that could very well be it, they know just how far they would go given the chance and cant settle the image in their heads…funny tho, do they think women have no minds eye? cant picture them with some other chick the way they picture her with the other dude?

Yes, exactly. They think they’re the only ones where distrust play head games. Uh uh, I’d rather keep my sanity and move on. Staying with a dude that’s a liar will cause you to age early. No sense in allowing that much damage.

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
11:32 am

didn’t not did

Purple Rain

December 15th, 2010
11:34 am

Man or woman, if you keep having failed relationships or different people continue to cheat on you. Well maybe it’s something about you. LOL

PrincessNik

December 15th, 2010
11:36 am

Blue

here is a tip, don’t mix the whatchamacallits with the thingamajiggies

:lol: ;)

PrincessNik

December 15th, 2010
11:37 am

@ Blue, seriously though i feel ya, we are about to be off for two weeks and i’m determined to leave my desk and in box clean and its a struggle right now LOL.

kimmie

December 15th, 2010
11:37 am

Purple – Make better choices! Sometimes we have to break away from choosing the same “type”.

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
11:40 am

PR – Man or woman, if you keep having failed relationships or different people continue to cheat on you. Well maybe it’s something about you.

I’m going to call BS on this statement. Everybody is responsible for their own actions. This statement is nothing but an excuse for the blame game. Grant it a person might need to up the screening process and ask the right questions but you can’t EVER justify foul behavior.

Derby

December 15th, 2010
11:43 am

Hmmmmm, so no one ever took back a cheater, or cheated and then got taken back?

Yep. I took back a cheater and he continued to cheat. Live and learn :)

abc

December 15th, 2010
11:44 am

Yes, cheating is an absolute deal breaker. If dating and exclusive, eh, not so exclusive after all, right? It’s over. If married, it’s totally over. No cheating is tolerated, period.

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
11:47 am

…and yet another memo of site blocking…there goes facebook and linkedin…bummer

blue©

December 15th, 2010
11:48 am

@PR – id say yeah, up your screening process for your own sanity, but they need to do just as much self reflection as i do, lol
@Princess – don’t mix the whatchamacallits with the thingamajiggies – now ya tell me :roll:

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
11:49 am

D Dub of the MSP – your 11:12…I bet you’re a decent dude too

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

December 15th, 2010
11:53 am

“D Dub of the MSP – your 11:12…I bet you’re a decent dude too”

I would say so;

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
11:55 am

2Can – yep

kimmie

December 15th, 2010
11:57 am

All this is just further evidence that time needs to be taken to develop a relationship and really get to know someone, rather than jumping into bed on the first few dates. It won’t guarantee you won’t still get hurt, but it’s a better screening method.

For example, say you meet someone and the 2 of you just vibe right away and jump into physical intimacy right away. That person is likely still sleeping on the regular with someone else. No need in looking crazy a few months later down the road when you’ve caught feelings yet that person is still sleeping with others.

Take your time and get to know someone and see if you share the same values and morals and views on such things.

AmazonRed™

December 15th, 2010
12:00 pm

Trying to get in before noon, but…good afternoon all.

Vows are real. You make em in marriage, you sign a contract, you stand before friends and family. I would try to make my marriage work, even in cases of infidelity.

In dating? Well, no such promises. And now you’re showing me what I could be signing up for for a lifetime. Kick rocks, we’re through!

AmazonRed™

December 15th, 2010
12:03 pm

Thanks for the birthday shout out Angie.

kimmie

December 15th, 2010
12:05 pm

Amred – Do you think you would still try to make your marriage work if your husband gave you an STD or fathered an outside baby?

I know plenty women that tried to stay even though dude cheated, but when one of those two biggies happened, they had to go.

BlackMagicWoman

December 15th, 2010
12:06 pm

Vows are real but unfortunately…people aren’t! :sad: I just wouldn’t want to force something that shouldn’t be. I have seen people get married…have an infidelity issue…try for years to work it out..only to end up getting divorced anyway. It’s because the trust is gone and hurt lingers. Then you find that you’ve watsed years of your life that you can not get back trying to make things work! Love is work…true. But it can’t be forced. Now would I try to make things work for small issues that I might otherwise end a relationship over if I were married, yes. But cheating and any kind of abuse are instant dealbreakers!

czBrat ... last day HOORAY!

December 15th, 2010
12:07 pm

good noon all!

without reading to catch up, i’m just gonna hope (and agree) that the general consensus is “Yes! Cheating pre-marriage is a deal breaker!”

now, lemme see if i’m right :)

Light

December 15th, 2010
12:09 pm

Let God will be done thru this blog http://lightoftheearth.blogspot.com/

pj

December 15th, 2010
12:10 pm

Melo!!

December 15th, 2010
12:12 pm

@Kimmie?

that’s what ‘4 better or worse’ means in the vows.

but I can understand why a lotta couples now script their own
vows. Commitment nowadays is a distraction. Females are mire like venture capitalists!

What’s the most I can get outta that deal(marriage)?

@Ared….burfday shout out?
I was laughing at Angie’s ‘keep ur enemies close’ mantra! :lol:

Hey folks!

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
12:13 pm

Kimmie – 11:57…yep yep yep…I for one think about this. Naturally I’m not going to harp on something like this day one but I’m holding. So I’m inclined as with other reasons to not get physical. I don’t know if you’re still having “relations.”

I think the other thing is that in this day of dating, people REALLY haven’t experienced dating and courting and getting to know a person like we use to do it. Swapping fluids upon meeting is just not the same. I just think it’s been bypassed and people assume the natural thing to do is, we click….let’s do it

kimmie

December 15th, 2010
12:19 pm

Melo – Would you stay if Queen brought you a disease or got preggers by another man?

I’m just curious with my questions, by the way, not saying it’s right or wrong. I just know of a lot of cases, where folks thought they could deal with just about anything, until those 2 things came up. This guy I dated – his dad fathered an outside child. His mom tried to stay and work it thru, but they ended up divorcing anyway. And don’t even ask me about folk bringing home diseases, repeatedly.

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
12:20 pm

“fathered an outside baby”

We had a woman at church that would bring her husband’s other baby to church. She would help track and pay the baby’s mother child support. He died last year I think at the age of 54.

My sister just told me the other day about a girl we both knew and worked with, how her husband got another kid and they now have custody. I guess if you’re going to keep the marriage you keep everything.

Cheater

December 15th, 2010
12:21 pm

Ok, let’s not get all sanctimonious on this topic. Sure, no one is going to get on this blog and say they are a cheater, but get real. I hate to generalize, but most men have or will at some point cheat (and women as well).

Think of 10 male friends, 7 or 8 have cheated. What is cheating is it the physical part or is it you have a female relationship your lady doesn’t know about? Bill Clinton, probably one of the best presidents in the USA, well we know what happend there right? Jessie Jackson, MLK, so on and so on …

Leggs

December 15th, 2010
12:23 pm

@PR ~ I have no theory. Men can be pigs, women can be pigs. Don’t know the percentages of who cheats the most or who can go in all willy nilly. I only know it happens.

@kimmie ~ you already know the answer to your own question. :lol:

kimmie

December 15th, 2010
12:25 pm

Leggs – I know, just curious about the creativity of the possible answer!LOL!!!

Delight23 ...Heading South for X-Mas

December 15th, 2010
12:27 pm

Amred – Do you think you would still try to make your marriage work if your husband gave you an STD or fathered an outside baby?

Um, wow. The same Bible that joined them also allows divorce in the event of adultery…

Melo!!

December 15th, 2010
12:29 pm

Kimmie?!

proly No,I will kick her out. But like most dudes,I expect her to stay if I cheat,even if I give get a lil some some.

The practicalities of this topic are close to what Celisea just posted on 12.30. Sh-yyt in marriage happens and your moms and dads aren’t going public with it. They know better!

But to answer the topic,why excuse someone u are just dating if they cheat?
Defies logic but I understand.

That nib can tap a woman in all the right places. :lol:

Leggs

December 15th, 2010
12:29 pm

@kimmie ~ exactly on the “creativity” part. I’m thinking he’s coming in wearing BMW’s steel toed boots!

Melo!!

December 15th, 2010
12:30 pm

Give her a lil some some

Leggs

December 15th, 2010
12:32 pm

Dagnabit, he already came in! A bit to mellow for me.

Don’t about the rest of you, but I’m dismayed by all the comments saying “I’ll kick her to the curb but, of course, expect her to stay if I did the same thing”…hogwash!

czBrat ... last day HOORAY!

December 15th, 2010
12:35 pm

I have seen people get married check
…have an infidelity issue check
…try for years to work it out check
..only to end up getting divorced anyway. check

i started dating ex at 16, and for four years i just assumed he remained sexually active although we never point-blank talked about it. still, i was truly crushed to learn of his first affair while i was pregnant with our first child. i thought no matter what your behavior before the vows, marriage changes things. apparently for him it didn’t.

if you cheat, EVERYTIME you’re out of my presence, that’s where my mind will go.
and that is incredibly exhausting! :(

Leggs … i’m not dismayed at all. i’m actually cracking up. i luv the sincerity! :lol:

He Still CHEATS

December 15th, 2010
12:37 pm

Was married to a cheater for 21 yrs., divorced him, he wooed me back with promises that he was older & wiser now, not the 20 yr old guy that I met who need to sow his oats, 3 grown kids & 3 grand later, he still cheats. The plan was to re-marry before I found out about the cheating, but I will never ever remarry him. He is a lost cause. There should be a time in everyone’s life when they should decide what is important in life. If you want to cheat and/or play around, tell the person you are involved with so they know not to take you serious & on the dangerous side, it is too many STD’s, some deadly to be cheating. If you are cheating you are spreading only God knows what. It’s not worth your life. Find one person to be happy with & let it be. I don’t need several men, just one good one.

kimmie

December 15th, 2010
12:37 pm

Melo – You are so right, a whole lotta mess can go down in a marriage! I have friends that said they would never put up with certain things, only to find themselves putting up with that and more! One extremely hypocritical friend comes to mind.

That’s really why I can’t and don’t judge folks’ marriages, especially those that choose to divorce. From the outside looking in, people talk and yack and talk about how they should have worked it out or what they wouldn’t put up with. But you don’t know WHAT goes down with people behind closed doors! And some have a lower tolerance for certain things than others and I don’t fault them for that.

Dan - Simply...Superior

December 15th, 2010
12:38 pm

@Kimmie

I’ll say this.

Cheating is at once methodical and impulsive.

Some get riiiight to the point of cheating and stop. For others, that impulse kicks them over the edge.

And how one handles impulses is something to note throughout a relationship, you can never really “sense”, “know”, or “spot” a cheater, until they cheat.

So 6 weeks, 6 months, 6 years, if they have it in ‘em to cheat, that lack of control isn’t evident until it’s expressed.

Dan - Simply...Superior

December 15th, 2010
12:41 pm

Happy Belated Red

Leggs

December 15th, 2010
12:42 pm

@czB ~ I’m appreciating the sincerity too, but still amazed that men truly think like that. It’s not ok if either party cheats, but men really want to be given a second/third chance but more than likely won’t give his woman a second change. Goes to show you puddy has more value than the mere dingaling!

kimmie

December 15th, 2010
12:42 pm

Leggs – I’m not dismayed at all – that’s how society has always viewed things. Too many women back in the day “turned the other cheek”. Forgave and stayed, or just stayed. That’s just the way it was. And apparently still is for a lot of folk.

I’m just not surprised. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

Brat – Exhausting is a great way to put it. I’ve seen some folk mentally beat down.

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
12:45 pm

Some get riiiight to the point of cheating and stop. For others, that impulse kicks them over the edge.

In both scenarios, you’re still a cheater. When I think in terms of practicing self control I think of not getting into situations of close calls or being overcome with temptation. As the good book asks, “Can a man take fire in his bosom and not be burned?” When I think of discipline and possessing character, you know you better than anyone else….you should know how to keep away. You got that part down, that’s half the batter. Not I’m good cause I didn’t actually to the penetr@ting part.

kimmie

December 15th, 2010
12:45 pm

Dan – You are right. The only thing you can control is how you react to it once it is expressed. That’s why I said there is no guarantee.

Nice Guy Been Hurt

December 15th, 2010
12:47 pm

To Purple Rain and Blackmagicwoman conerning the double standard: Not because I’m a man whose been cheated on before, I don’t think male or female that there is ANY excuse for cheating or that there should be an expectation for forgiveness whether you’re a man or woman.But what Purple Rain says is true, there is a double standard out there where theres the perception that if a man cheats, he’s just a dog and has no morals at all. But if a woman cheats, the man “made her do it” and/or because he wasn’t “handling his business right.” That is so wrong. As for does it make a person unworthy for marraige if they cheated on you while dating the answer is YES and NO. Yes it would make them unworthy for me to marry them. If I can’t trust them in a relationship, why would I make a lifetime committment involving God, my family, finances, kids, and etc where if the cheating happened during marraige you can’t just so easily walk away with a clean break and move on because of legal, family and financial issues as you would if you are dating. And NO it doesn’t mean once a cheater always a cheater. ALL have sinned and fallen short of the glory and as long as a person has learned from the experience of the pain they caused in the dating relationship, then they can move on to their next relationship and be a better person :)

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
12:47 pm

Dan, that wasn’t “at” you I was just commenting.

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
12:49 pm

It’s so cold in my building that I have my floor heater sitting on my desk

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
12:50 pm

kimmie

December 15th, 2010
12:52 pm

I think a big question is – do men that cheat during courtship & engagement EXPECT to be forgiven?

Dan - Simply...Superior

December 15th, 2010
12:52 pm

Celisea

I don’t take anything on here too personal..

But to your point, I know the “hunter” types (that are so popular) and they get off on the thrill mostly. They like to get close to the edge and then pat themselves on the back for not going over.

czBrat ... last day HOORAY!

December 15th, 2010
12:53 pm

Too many women back in the day “turned the other cheek”. Forgave and stayed, or just stayed. That’s just the way it was.
kimmie, believe it or not this is the advice my former mother-in-law gave me when i approached her about our probs. she had known all along that my ex had a child outside our marriage. i don’t judge them for doing what works for their relationship, but that wasn’t going to work for mine.

Dan - Simply...Superior

December 15th, 2010
12:54 pm

@Kimmie (12:52)

Yeap.

It’s the whole physical from mental thing.

BlackMagicWoman

December 15th, 2010
1:03 pm

HE STILL CHEATS…..your story is exactly what I mean when I say..once a cheater always a cheater! You wasted all those years on someone who cheated on you. You forgave him (big mistake) and was about to continue the lie! I swear I don’t want to wake up at 40…50…60 and realize that I spent all my youth chasing a dog instead of throwing a stick for him to fetch and then locking the door and never letting him back in again!

BlackMagicWoman

December 15th, 2010
1:03 pm

Oh and by the way..the only other cheek I am turning is my a$$ so the loser can kiss it as I walk out! :lol:

Melo!!

December 15th, 2010
1:07 pm

Cz?

if that kid had been conceived prior to ur coming on board but u didn’t know about it, would you have viewed it the same way and bolted?

@all women!

I think y’all are regarded as the nurturing side. Even the bible says that. In addition, we have always been told,’it’s not a home without a woman’. There us a reason for all that.

I think women are just more cerebral than man when it comes to selection and mating. I have to give it up to u ladies.

So that mantra,’men are physical’ extends even to that cheating part. We, men don’t ‘think’ or rationalize like that…12.52 to ur question there Kimmie. We see a bountiful body we like and just decide to pursue,oblivious to the consequences thereof.

Y’all say u want a man for protection(physical) but quickly forget what that means.

They(men) don’t think when it comes to this issue. We need safeguards.

Each woman must have and internalize her own!

Kelli

December 15th, 2010
1:09 pm

I cheated on a fiance years ago and swear I will never do it again. He never found out, but if he did, it would have broken him. I cheated because I didn’t love him, but didn’t want to break his heart. To this day, I regret ever doing that. I should have broken up with him before I strayed. I was only 20 at the time and I guess I didn’t know better.

My current boyfriend and I have been together almost a year. He has cheated on past girlfriends and I have a fear that he will cheat on me eventually. I love him and I know he loves me, but because of his past, I’m scared. In fact…6 years ago, he cheated on his girlfriend with me (I didn’t know they were still together). He has gone through some life changing experiences that have made him a much better man. I have to try to forgive his past and trust that he won’t cheat on me, but it is really hard. He said that he fears me cheating on him, but I told him that not only do I promise him that I won’t cheat, but I promised myself a long time ago that I would never cheat on anyone ever again. If I feel the need to cheat, then something is wrong in the relationship and I should either try to fix it or leave before straying. I just told him that if he cheats, he’s gone and gets no other chance. I told him also that if he is in a situation and thinks about cheating, then he needs to call me and break it off beforehand because if I find out after the fact, I will kill him.

Rachel's Mom

December 15th, 2010
1:13 pm

Once a cheater, always a cheater…

Mrs. DEE

December 15th, 2010
1:14 pm

Why is this even a question?

SexyCool

December 15th, 2010
1:16 pm

You disregarded my feelings as you went out and did the things that made you feel good.
You jeopoardized my health and my well being.
Then, you had the audacity to assume that I would “get over it.”
Your actions shredded my heart, yet you cavalierly stood there expecting
forgiveness as if it was your God-given right.
My relationship with my creator allows me the ability to forgive
but does not require that I accept such treatment.
You laid waste the foundations of a future that we were supposedly building together.
Your apology was weak and insincere.
I have no regrets for walking away from you.
Your so called love was toxic and rendered useless.
I was not willing to risk my sanity to allow your lame attempts at redemption.
Bidding you farewell was a sound decision,
I am made stronger for having taken a stand.

czBrat ... last day HOORAY!

December 15th, 2010
1:17 pm

melo, i think i might have been hurt but not enough to break up our family. the fact that it happened during the marriage was way more offensive to me.

let me pose a question to the blog that we recently discussed over a grown-folks dinner. which would bother you more … s/o cheating with random individuals (one-nighters) or a continuous affair?

Melo!!

December 15th, 2010
1:21 pm

cz?

only a woman ponders over ur question like that,1.17!…too too analytical, u females.

to a man,she cheated,it’s over!

PrincessNik

December 15th, 2010
1:23 pm

Oh and by the way..the only other cheek I am turning is my a$$ so the loser can kiss it as I walk out!

BMW, that made me hollar!!, made me think of Nicole Parker in Kings Ransom, Classic :lol:

czBrat ... last day HOORAY!

December 15th, 2010
1:24 pm

ahhh, but melo, the men had lots to say about it too. just curious.

Melo!!

December 15th, 2010
1:32 pm

Vickery’s and Sambuca closed?!
Nickiemoto too?

now that’s something….hmpf

Leggs

December 15th, 2010
1:37 pm

@czB ~ interested to know what the consensus was around the table. I’m looking at the word “continuous”. Whether it’s continuous with one person or continuous with multiple one-nights, its CONTINUOUS. Both are weighed the same to me!

BB

December 15th, 2010
1:38 pm

A ho is ho and she got to go!

AmazonRed™

December 15th, 2010
1:41 pm

Amred – Do you think you would still try to make your marriage work if your husband gave you an STD or fathered an outside baby?

kimmie – It depends, but probably not. There is cheating, and there are affairs. Also the outside kid/ STD speaks to wreckless cheating. I don’t think I could be good with a man who clearly wasn’t thinking about his well being, let alone mine.

That being said, there is an outside child in my extended family. Both of the cheaters were married to other people, so the woman and her husband raised the kid as their own. Definitely a different period back then…

AmazonRed™

December 15th, 2010
1:42 pm

Chocolate Pink closed too.

Rell - 23 months to retirement

December 15th, 2010
1:43 pm

off-topic…..did you guys see the real life falling down….is this what we have come to…extreme televised REAL violence and mayhem…..i blame it on youtbue and worldstarhiphop

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
1:43 pm

which would bother you more … s/o cheating with random individuals (one-nighters) or a continuous affair?

I’d be equally irked. One nighters would indicate to me you’re a nasty joker with no regard for my body nor yours nor me and really why go through the motions of a steady when you can do your thing and get on out there.

For an affair, that would signal to me there’s more going on there than just sex. I see that as a “relationship” outside your committed or marriage and the fact that you thought you could have “several committed relationships” would have me blind with fury

cba

December 15th, 2010
1:43 pm

Random ?? If you are sitting behind a desk and someone ten feet away points a gun at you; will you try to negotiate with gunman or dive your azz under the desk?? If this had been the Atl school board, all azzes under desk. OK, I’m done

AmazonRed™

December 15th, 2010
1:44 pm

Thanks for the belated wishes Dan.

Leggs

December 15th, 2010
1:46 pm

@cba ~ not sure I would have remained sitting. It would have be fabulous if she had swung her purse a little harder actually knocking the gun out his hand.

SexyCool

December 15th, 2010
1:47 pm

Kelli – if I was your dude, I would probably get dahell on. ijs…

Rell – are you talking about the *game* that kids play running through real neighborhoods with fake guns and chasing each other in cars?

Cheater

December 15th, 2010
1:49 pm

Kelli – ur 1:09, are you serious? All this talk about cheating, not cheating… He is going to cheat again, of course he is not going to say that, but believe it’s going to happen. Then again, you know him better than anyone else on this blog, what does your gut/heart tell you?

SexyCool

December 15th, 2010
1:50 pm

Leggs – that swinging the purse thing was crazy. You mean to tell me, you walked out the room and the best weapon you could come back with was a purse?!?

cba

December 15th, 2010
1:51 pm

What if the gunman had been a big black man rather than a big swiss man??

Rell - 23 months to retirement

December 15th, 2010
1:51 pm

@sc…i am talking about the nut that shot up the school board meeting….now that is CRAZY….

cheating bothers me period and if it happen to me now i would just bounce…no need to wonder

Sweet Pea

December 15th, 2010
1:52 pm

Oh and by the way..the only other cheek I am turning is my a$$ so the loser can kiss it as I walk out!

Hilarious…A visual>>>>priceless!!

Rell - 23 months to retirement

December 15th, 2010
1:55 pm

@cba…if you watch the video the light skin brother…was the first to hit the ground..it was one dude still sitting down when the shots started going off…i was like wow…when i seen the dude spray painting the wall that would have been my cue…i mean middle of the day – school meeting this dude gets up and starts to paint on the wall…yep exit stage left.

Porta Pottie

December 15th, 2010
1:56 pm

Love is a dangerous game! When dating; there are no promises and no guarantees. One of the main reasons you marry someone is to ‘cement’ a monogamous relationship. What you calling ‘cheating’ in the dating relationship is actually ‘playing the field’ and that’s perfectly fair as long as you’re not endangering your partner with promiscious or unsafe sexual behavior. Both partners sgould be upfront to each other that ‘open’ dating is ok from the start…

Leggs

December 15th, 2010
1:57 pm

@SexyC ~ and she fell like a rag doll. Looks like she was so frightened she lost her own balance. Perhaps that alcove only had the walls and nothing else to use as a weapon. She probably thought if she walked away to get an actual weapon she would have lost precious time and her colleagues may have been killed.

Dingbat

December 15th, 2010
1:58 pm

@cba
what are you implying asking if had been a “big black man” rather than a white man? you know the answer he’d be in a body bag and thrown so far under the jail that he could feel the flames

czBrat ... last day HOORAY!

December 15th, 2010
2:02 pm

wow. and i just mentioned to s/o how much i liked nickiemoto’s back in the day. are they already defunct or do we have time for a fond farewell meal?

the convo was really interesting to me, leggs. i was hoping for more responses here but looks like that may not happen. at the discussion, everyone clearly stated any kind of infidelity is unacceptable, but the women were more bothered by the one-nighters and the men moreso by the affair. that was exactly opposite what i expected.

thanx to those who chimed in.

free2be

December 15th, 2010
2:03 pm

@sexycool….nice poem! i really liked it.:)

Sweet Pea

December 15th, 2010
2:03 pm

No someone that cheated before the marriage and 20 years later still cheating and fathered a child during the union so I feel once a cheater always a cheater applies to some but not to everyone. You have some that grow up and others who remain who they are…INMATURE and/or the new definition>>>Se!@ Addict!

Other issues within a marriage can be resolvable, however cheating is the something that I can’t imagine getting over…GOOD RIDDANCE

The show SNAPPED should be a reality check to keep us all in check! :)
There is a think line between sanity and insanity!!!!!

Happy Birthday ARED!

Rell - 23 months to retirement

December 15th, 2010
2:03 pm

i bet the superident will be a hero by the end of the week…credited with talking to the gunman and keeping the focus on himself….he was an idiot…i would have said…What what you going to do tat…what you think you ron o’neal or something….you better…LMAO

Sweet Pea

December 15th, 2010
2:03 pm

oops meant to say KNOW not NO

Leggs

December 15th, 2010
2:04 pm

@czB ~ awww, today is your last day. Why on a Wednesday and not a Friday?

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

December 15th, 2010
2:05 pm

lady with the purse shoulda got shot….just for being stupid! Now, the local paper is heralding her as a hero….da hell….

Leggs

December 15th, 2010
2:05 pm

@czB ~ Also, one nighters (no matter how many) may be easier to take for some. To actually have an emotional connection with someone other than your mate is a hard pill to swallow!

Rell - 23 months to retirement

December 15th, 2010
2:06 pm

@Czbratz….when i was cheated on…the details matter to me more than me finding out…i wanted to know what she did…i talked to the dude…i asked him “did you c in her face”…he was like dude you are crazy…my response….how crazy would i be if i was in front of your house asking you this..with my wife’s car in your driveway…..yeah bench..come outside….long story short…the “folks” where called on me and i as asked to leave….guess what…wifey stayed….so yeah….

Leggs

December 15th, 2010
2:06 pm

@Rell ~ :lol: :lol: you would have said ZILCH…

cba

December 15th, 2010
2:08 pm

Of course Dingbat but my other implied point is, had he been black, he would have been considered threatening way before he pulled the gun.
The guy supposedly upset because his wife had been fired, yet he had served time for shooting at her.

Leggs

December 15th, 2010
2:08 pm

@Rell ~ the entire scene sounds crazy…

Oh My

December 15th, 2010
2:09 pm

“did you c in her face”…

oh my, i’m speechless

Oh My

December 15th, 2010
2:10 pm

i wouldn’t have chased the heffa.

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

December 15th, 2010
2:12 pm

My dudes……is an ass-whoopin justified if you catch your girl cheating?

ladies, I know what y’all gon’ say, so don’t even bother….

PrincessNik

December 15th, 2010
2:12 pm

blue

how’s it coming with the desk?

Melo!!

December 15th, 2010
2:13 pm

they kept sitting proly they just thought dude was too inept to shoot..folks with weight issues have neg vibes stacked against them

and he ‘missed’…as if to prove the point!

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

December 15th, 2010
2:13 pm

“whoop dat trick, get ‘em…..whoop dat trick!”

SexyCool

December 15th, 2010
2:14 pm

What tripped me out on GMA this morning is the story about the chick suing McDonald’s cause she doesn’t want to have to deal with telling her kid that she can’t have a happy meal…whatdahell?

Leggs

December 15th, 2010
2:15 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol: @Melo. I said to myself “oh crap, he missed!”

AmazonRed™

December 15th, 2010
2:15 pm

Thanks Sweet Pea!

Rell - 23 months to retirement

December 15th, 2010
2:15 pm

lol…at the disguised blogger

well i did – and i cant explain why…maybe because i thought thats what i was suppose to do…hmm…i have been outside myself before…this was one of them,……there where other times that was a lil more…intense…funny thing i was calmed and commited to whatever outcome happen…i was in a different mind state!

Leggs

December 15th, 2010
2:16 pm

Naw, not that she’s suing, but she’s not suing for $$.

czBrat ... last day HOORAY!

December 15th, 2010
2:16 pm

leggs, i actually felt the same as the men. i thought at the time that maybe it was because i’d experienced both, but looking back i think most (if not everyone) at that table had surely experienced at least some form of infidelity. so i’m still kinda wondering why i didn’t share the typical woman’s point of view. “typical” based on our very small, informal survey of course. :)

oh, and technically tomorrow and friday are my last two vacation days so we’re headed outta town for a little “change is a comin” celebration. :)

rell … hard to believe you went through all that. i guess it really speaks to how much you cared for her. question for you … would you bother seeking answers if that ever happened again?

Mo (aka Moeisha)

December 15th, 2010
2:17 pm

Afternoon All! So whats good people!

SCool – umm yeah I saw that chick this morning. How about you just dont go the Mcdonalds or any other fast food establishment cause damn near all of them have a happy meal type thing for kids with toys or snacks. GEESH!

Cheater

December 15th, 2010
2:17 pm

2C – To ans your question, it depends on where the cheating happened. In my house, she is getting stomped out. Anywhere else, if she cheats, then that’s on her and I am out. No need to whoop that azz, just leave it alone …

Rell - 23 months to retirement

December 15th, 2010
2:17 pm

on the details….i just wanted to know how much of a dirty bench she would be…but i found out that most cheaters are cowards..and run when confronted…they know the rules…you touch mine..i will touch you…thats the funny part…but again it seems like ages ago…

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

December 15th, 2010
2:18 pm

Rell, had you went to the extreme in that instance, I think the State of Ga allows for an insanity plea under those circumstances….

Melo!!

December 15th, 2010
2:20 pm

@Ared.. It’s actually today? Happy birfday…sorry u ain’t wrapping that phine azz round some boo of yours..next time!

@2Can? Not justified but she proly will have a pink eye for that.

SexyCool

December 15th, 2010
2:21 pm

And how about the chick that stopped her car and helped the officer that was catching the beatdown? She put her keys in her back pocket and went to wailin’ on that dude.

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
2:22 pm

That was funny as heck and probably somebody’s mama.

AmazonRed™

December 15th, 2010
2:22 pm

@Melo – It was a couple of Sundays ago. :lol: But thank you anyway.

Rell - 23 months to retirement

December 15th, 2010
2:23 pm

would you bother seeking answers if that ever happened again?

- @cz…nope…i know better now…and if you think THAT was something…lol…i have more..but i have talked about some of them before and have been trolled on them and also told i was dumb..was i..yep….but a promise is a promise in my book…for better or worse…

@2c…it almost came to that a couple of times….during those times..i was alone..she would leave for weeks until i cooled off…

SexyCool

December 15th, 2010
2:23 pm

Leggs – please believe babygirl expects to gain financially SOMEhow with this effort.

Rell - 23 months to retirement

December 15th, 2010
2:24 pm

happy belated to you!

blue©

December 15th, 2010
2:25 pm

@Princess – getting nowhere with the desk, keep getting distracted by side conversations, lol…think im having some ADD today, no focus….

what are we talking about in here now?

Melo!!

December 15th, 2010
2:25 pm

Sexxycool?!

on that police officer…why do they even hire there’s Amazons anyway?

now officer has to be rescued by a civilian..

:lol: and sad!

Sassy Me..10 days til MY birthday :-)

December 15th, 2010
2:26 pm

Do you believe that a person is not marriage material if they were unfaithful to you while you were dating?

For me personally, I love hard and cheating has been the demise of all of my relationships….it’s just a deal breaker I have yet to be able to forgive.

Is fair to hold that against a person who may have changed and learned from their mistakes?

That depends on the people involved and if cheating is a recurring thing in the relationship. If a person is truly remorseful and doesn’t cheat again(that you know of) then it’s all good but if the person cheated before marriage and continued afterward then the argument becomes “Well you knew that before you married him/her”…

Melo!!

December 15th, 2010
2:27 pm

These Amazons

Y'all are Children.

December 15th, 2010
2:29 pm

If he/she cheats then you’re not getting it done for him/her and it’s time to cut. when I started cheating on my ‘ex’, I knew the relationship was over, I just didn’t have the cajones to tell her, “later” until a while on. I cheated because she got mean, fat and took me for granted.
Folks, you can’t change people. People can’t change. They can pretend for a while, but they are what they are. A cheater will cheat on you again.

PrincessNik

December 15th, 2010
2:29 pm

Blue I keep getting distracted too, and then they had Christmas music playing on the pa system i had to pull out my ipod, can’t do but so much bing crosby, and elvis etc… so now i’m a little more focused. Don’t get me wrong i like Christmas music, just a little more soulful than what they got going on right now.

Kelli

December 15th, 2010
2:32 pm

@Cheater…My heart and gut tell me that he won’t cheat on me. He has a really good thing going with me. We are pretty perfect for each other. My problem is that I am insecure and I know his past, but I have to let his past be his past, right? He’s been cheated on by every woman he’s been with also. He knows the pain. I feel that he has grown a lot since we were first together 6 years ago. I wonder if I will always have the fear/suspicion. I have a past myself and have done things I’m not proud of and don’t want to be judged on it. I want to figure out how not to judge him for the things he has done and take him for the man he is today. I want to have faith in him. I’m working on it. As time goes on, I’ll feel more comfortable and can hopefully let my fears go. If he cheats, then he’s gone…no matter how much I love him. I cannot let a man cheat on me.

SexyCool

December 15th, 2010
2:33 pm

YallAreChildren – no, you cheated because you wanted to and because you were a coward.

Delight23 ...Heading South for X-Mas

December 15th, 2010
2:33 pm

A ho is ho and she got to go!

…allowing for the use of “he got to go,” I think that about sums it up. :-)

SexyCool

December 15th, 2010
2:34 pm

Kelli – there is a therapist appointment you need to make soon. Before you kill somebody.

SexyCool

December 15th, 2010
2:35 pm

Funniest headline I’ve read today – “Mike Vick wants a dog”

Delight23 ...Heading South for X-Mas

December 15th, 2010
2:35 pm

YallAreChildren – no, you cheated because you wanted to and because you were a coward.

Funny how the black and white is always made gray huh? :roll:

SexyCool

December 15th, 2010
2:37 pm

And you probably NEVER told her. You probably got caught OR…she got tired of the bllsht and walked away.

Mo (aka Moeisha)

December 15th, 2010
2:38 pm

PrincessNik – I like Christmas music too but I swear it seems like it started too soon this year.

Dan - Simply...Superior

December 15th, 2010
2:39 pm

Did I miss something?

How does cheating = cowardice?

Derby

December 15th, 2010
2:39 pm

let me pose a question to the blog that we recently discussed over a grown-folks dinner. which would bother you more … s/o cheating with random individuals (one-nighters) or a continuous affair?

From experience…..I would have preferred one-nighters. The continuous affair was a definite blow to tha ego. I could always tell when we would run into his “other” family…..they would act like I was the one in the wrong….tha hell??? Like I was holding him hostage from his true love. Well, they got him, and guess what?…..he cheated on them too. Some folk never grow up. He is one of them. Good riddance.

i'm swiss™

December 15th, 2010
2:40 pm

Afternoon, folks…

On topic: I don’t necessarily think it’s impossible for someone to cheat on one person but be faithful to another (though, I do suspect it’s rare). But if somebody is going to cheat on your azz before you are married, you best believe you will be a cuckold after marriage.

My ex was a cheater & I knew about it & even liked it to an extent, as she was cheating with other women and not dudes (well, at least not that I knew about). Of course, once the initial horniness over the image of my chic getting freaky with other chics died down, it was pretty plain to see that she was just interested in the other chics & not interested in bringing said chics home for us both to enjoy. C’est la vie. At least a few fun 3-ways came of it, so not a total loss… :lol:

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
2:41 pm

Y’all are Children – Yes you should know “once a cheater always a cheater” you said so yourself. Don’t use nothing about the woman as a means to excuse. If she would have stayed nice, lean and paid you much attention you would have found somewhere else to lay the blame. It’s people like you that makes people like us suspect of most men because I can guarantee any woman you’re dating or seeing right now would never see or know the side you just posted. Like you said you didn’t have the cajones to tell her. What a wuss.

Melo!!

December 15th, 2010
2:45 pm

and not interested in bringing said chics home for us both to enjoy…

:lol: that was funny Swiss!

:lol:

BlackMagicWoman

December 15th, 2010
2:46 pm

Oh word…a lady rescued a cop? Please post the link so I can see! :lol: They need to give her the badge and the gun!

Kelli…girl….I don’t know you. But I sure do not want to see you on, “Snapped”! Woosa girl…woosa!

As far as the “Bag Lady”. She could have gotten her head blown off and a purse is her weapon of choice? My feet would have carried me far and faster than my mind could process. I would NOT try to be the heroine in this instant! And the dude was a lousy shot. He could have taken them all out..at least one and he missed! But I’m with Rell…some fool comes in painting on the wall I will not stay and coverse with this fool. I am out before words come from his lips! All this…and then he took his own life! WTH I know times are tough and people should really think before laying off/firing people. But dayum man! :shock:

i'm swiss™

December 15th, 2010
2:48 pm

Melo — You know how it is. If life gives you lemons… f@#k the lemons. :lol:

SexyCool

December 15th, 2010
2:48 pm

Dan – what YAC said himself “didn’t have the cajones” and what Celisea just said.

Kelli

December 15th, 2010
2:48 pm

@Sexy…I’m no killer…I’m a lover. He knows I wouldn’t kill him if he cheats, but I sure would want to! :-) By the way…I am in therapy to deal with my insecurity and how I handle relationship issues. This guy is a keeper, as long as he doesn’t cheat. I couldn’t forgive him for that.

BlackMagicWoman

December 15th, 2010
2:49 pm

“How does cheating = cowardice?”
Simple…you are too chicken sh*t to just end it. There is MO excuse for cheating! If you do not want to keep to the vows/promise that you made, and you want to h0 around…at least be man/woman enough to put on your big panties/big boy boxers and end it! Stop being a selfish prick and trying to keep someone from finding somebody better than you and that will really love them. Because obviously you don’t if you are cheating!

Luvbug

December 15th, 2010
2:50 pm

I am 100% sure that at least one guy on this earth can cheat and never do it again. I am 100% (95%…90%) sure that I would not stay to find out if my guy is that one guy. So far, I’ve never stayed, but I can think of a few exceptions…a few…only a few…and even those are maybes.

Delight23 ...Heading South for X-Mas

December 15th, 2010
2:50 pm

How does cheating = cowardice?

Too much of a “kitty” to openly state you want to, need to, will be with another.

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
2:50 pm

Stop being a selfish prick and trying to keep someone from finding somebody better than you and that will really love them.

Amen Amen

Lord Velonese

December 15th, 2010
2:51 pm

“Cheating pre-marriage a deal breaker?”

Really??? That should be a no-brainer. Anyone who forgives a cheater deserves the heart-ache that goes with it and more for being a retard.

I wonder who will be the first person to get me banned, so they feel like a big person.

blue©

December 15th, 2010
2:51 pm

theres new people everywhere – im lost now…..

@Princess – withyou on the carols. my buidling actually brings in live musicias, had a lady with a harp today…last week we had carolers, complete in hoop skirts, lol…not quite my style.

czBrat ... last day HOORAY!

December 15th, 2010
2:51 pm

i do believe cheaters can reform, but i think it takes a great loss and the realization that your shenanigans will cost you dearly.
as others have said though, if you’re going to make that mistake while we’re dating i am sooo not interested in pursuing anything deeper.

PN/MO … can yous believe i still get a little ticked every evening when i make it all the way and not one station has played my xmas fave(someday at christmas)? i tell ya. something just aint right with the music this year.

thanx for sharing rell. i don’t seem to run into you much on here, so i appreciate you re-telling your ‘old news’ for me.

SexyCool

December 15th, 2010
2:51 pm

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
2:53 pm

Lord V – I wonder who will be the first person to get me banned, so they feel like a big person.

This is “take responsibility” day. If you get banned you did it.

SexyCool

December 15th, 2010
2:54 pm

And.. the other thing about that story…the dude that was beating the cop down was 64 years old…and he was getting it IN…(lol)

czBrat ... last day HOORAY!

December 15th, 2010
2:54 pm

LMAO @ How does cheating = cowardice?”
Simple…you are too chicken sh*t to just end it.

simple indeed! :lol:

blue, i aint gone lie. that would drive me straight nuts.

Melo!!

December 15th, 2010
2:54 pm

Kelli?

forgive me in advance coz I’ve never been in therapy but…
how do they(therapist) advise u to handle ur insecurity…what do they say u must/ought to do?

PrincessNik

December 15th, 2010
2:55 pm

Blue, some are new, some are vets who only post every blue moon.

about the carolers, i would probably have my office door closed all day LOL I can’t even imagine

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
2:57 pm

blue – Lord Velonese reminds me of Schleprock (sp)…he use to post one “be doomed” post a day. I sort of miss him.

Derby

December 15th, 2010
2:58 pm

BlackMagicWoman

December 15th, 2010
2:49 pm
“How does cheating = cowardice?”
Simple…you are too chicken sh*t to just end it. There is MO excuse for cheating! If you do not want to keep to the vows/promise that you made, and you want to h0 around…at least be man/woman enough to put on your big panties/big boy boxers and end it! Stop being a selfish prick and trying to keep someone from finding somebody better than you and that will really love them. Because obviously you don’t if you are cheating!

Tha Truth!!!!

Dan - Simply...Superior

December 15th, 2010
2:58 pm

@Ladies

I personally don’t feel this way (anymore), but

there are those that can have a sexual need fulfilled by one (or more women) and yet only be emotionally fulfilled by one woman.

In these situation, why would I [sic] leave?

Think about it, I [sic] love the one I’m with, play with the other one’s, and don’t have to leave the I’m [sic] with.

Lord Velonese

December 15th, 2010
2:58 pm

Celisea-It is not my fault that folks get butt-hurt over my opinions.

SexyCool

December 15th, 2010
3:00 pm

Dan – because you are [sic].

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
3:00 pm

Lord Velonese – I actually miss your post. It’s good (IMO) when the masses ain’t all the time agreeing. I mean it’s to each his own right? However, I don’t think it even runs deep enough for anybody to get butt-hurt. Now you if said the same thing every other post, that might get the reaction you’re expecting.

SexyCool

December 15th, 2010
3:02 pm

Seriously though…why make a commitment to someone knowing that you are unfulfilled in some area thereby making you incapable of remaining faithful?

Melo!!

December 15th, 2010
3:03 pm

Dan,I don’t think any man can explain or rationalize to their satisfaction.

U lose all the time….

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

December 15th, 2010
3:04 pm

Mo…are you still around?

Rell - 23 months to retirement

December 15th, 2010
3:05 pm

Delight23 ...Heading South for X-Mas

December 15th, 2010
3:06 pm

and don’t have to leave the I’m [sic] with.

…because they don’t know about the cheating. Clearly if you truly did not have to leave, the other person would know and you’d have an open relationship.

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
3:07 pm

Here’s the easy answer and the one thing that will shut every woman’s mouth. Yes love, I can and will be eternally faithful and only “do” you and love you. Agree? Right thought so. Until this becomes a reality, let the discussions continue.

Cheater

December 15th, 2010
3:07 pm

Kelli, I hear you, go with your heart and what you feel, but also be smart about it. At some point, in order to move forward, you will need to let the past go. Not saying you should entirely forget the past, but try to take the person for what they are showing you today. Now, please don’t go postal, but let it be known that you will not tolerate any type of abuse and cheating is one type of abuse.

Melo!!

December 15th, 2010
3:09 pm

As for Michael Vick, if I were his advisor, I would urge him to stop talking about dogs until he gets that new big contract in the summer..don’t rile the dog brigade folks, talking bout dogs!

BlackMagicWoman

December 15th, 2010
3:11 pm

RELL…. JESUS take the wheel :lol: She commence to assist in the beatdown!

SexyCool

December 15th, 2010
3:11 pm

“cheating is one type of abuse.”

Cheater – that was worth repeating…even coming from a Cheater.

Dan - Simply...Superior

December 15th, 2010
3:11 pm

@SC

I never knew.

Honestly, for me, it was the fact that I didn’t want to be fulfilled by one woman (see: immaturity, vanity, and cultural acquiesence) in part, because I never knew anything else.

I was surrounded by cheaters and thought – that’s what men do.

It wasn’t until years ago, and some hurt fillings/women, that I began to understand that I didn’t have to follow that mold. I could be my own man in that sense.

So, yeah, it’s easy to say, easier for some to do, and few can explain it. I just looked up one day and make a choice to stop the behavior.

Now, if I could do the same with that Goose….that isht be calling me man

blue©

December 15th, 2010
3:11 pm

@cz – tis indeed…one of the ladies let out some note the other day, made everyone in the vicinity cringe….
@Princess – ahhh, ok. the carolers, their down in the lobby/foodcourt area. but i would like to eat in peace lol
@Celisea – be doomed post – LOL

Melo!!

December 15th, 2010
3:14 pm

females are sensitive bout their Dick!

SexyCool

December 15th, 2010
3:15 pm

Now…if only dudes were as sensitive about them.

Melo!!

December 15th, 2010
3:23 pm

Ladies happy in relationships,married or not??

do y’all talk bout men when u are together…just men in general?

Or u have other feminine topics u concentrate on mostly…

I ain’t asking this to chics on the prowl… k? :lol:

czBrat ... last day HOORAY!

December 15th, 2010
3:26 pm

melo, i’d answer but i have no idea what you’re asking.

Leggs

December 15th, 2010
3:27 pm

“If he/she cheats then you’re not getting it done for him/her and it’s time to cut.”

Not necessarily true. Some men who are happy at home, sex is great, etc. still cheat for the sheer hell of the thrill. Sometimes they want their egos stroked (pun intended). Some need to know they can still “pull.” Then before you know it, their wangs land where it shouldn’t.

@BMW ~ they were saying cars were passing by and no one stopped until this woman (somewhat hefty) pulled up and started punching the dude. What no one is saying, however, is this man is 64 years and the cop couldn’t handle him.

BlackMagicWoman

December 15th, 2010
3:28 pm

“Now…if only dudes were as sensitive about them.”

Yep…they stick them any and everywhere! Dirty I tell you….just nasty & dirty! :shock: They can keep that diseased d*ck! I am fine as long as there is an Inserection and a Starship! :lol: Clean dizzle guranteed! Low maintence…it’s not looking for me to cook or stroke it’s ego! And it gets the job done and I am not left with a WTF…I could have had a V8″ face! :lol:

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
3:29 pm

Random:
Folks around here baking and passing out cookies and stuff as gifts. I know it’s wrong but one bag is about to get tossed. She talks too much of their dog (in lieu of kids)…all in the bed with her and hubby, traveling….and calls it her baby. It such a nice gesture but I can’t bring myself to eat them. Just like the Christmas dinner….I only ate my deviled eggs, the store bought bread, the honey baked ham and turkey and only drank from the 2 liter bottles. I cannot bring myself to eat out of folks’ homes that I don’t know. Too most of these folks have more pics of animals than humans in their offices.

Melo!!

December 15th, 2010
3:30 pm

Cz?

do u talk about men with ur girls(married or coupled ones?

not ur single and looking ones..

Kelli

December 15th, 2010
3:31 pm

@Melo…I’ve only been in therapy for a couple of months, but it’s basically getting to the root of my insecurity, that I’ve had since I was a teenager, and trying to figure out ways to feel better about myself. It seems like a long process, but so far, I’m feeling better and handling things better, so it’s worth it.

AmazonRed™

December 15th, 2010
3:31 pm

Getting ready for our office christmas party…. Grey Goose, Captain Morgan and Crown Royal just showed up. :lol:

SexyCool

December 15th, 2010
3:35 pm

Cel – there is this dude that works here that is always talking about some dessert mess that his wife cooks. Not only is he the dingiest dude on staff, once I actually caught a glance of this dish…it looked like something someone had earled.blech….

Leggs

December 15th, 2010
3:39 pm

@Melo ~ apparently not as sensitive as men are about their puddy!!

Dan - Simply...Superior

December 15th, 2010
3:39 pm

@BMW

Someone wants batteries for Christmas….

But for real, not every man you meet is like that. Obviously, you’re capable of making your own decisions, but I wish you a healthy reciprocally loving relationship in your future.

My good deed for the day

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

December 15th, 2010
3:42 pm

Kelli, does your therapist prescribe medicine for you? (said in my preacher voice…stay with me, I’m going somewhere with this)

Melo!!

December 15th, 2010
3:44 pm

Leggs..

so u just more showy bout it…u profess,in public, to cut up a heifer if she tempers with get man.

(I got this visual of Raqi, looking menacingly :evil: :x :wtf , at the heifer flipping her hair at Mason)

PrincessNik

December 15th, 2010
3:44 pm

Celisea your 3:29 :lol: I understand!! Any mention of a cat is definately to the top of the DNE (do not eat) List for me, do not pass go do not collect 200.00!

Delight23 ...Heading South for X-Mas

December 15th, 2010
3:44 pm

Celisea 2:29PM :lol: nothing wrong with self preservation. Have two co-workers like that. One would come to work with dog hairs on her clothes, the other has come to work smelling like something other than “Fresh N’ Clean.” :-(

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
3:44 pm

SexyCool – That’s about like the old lady, bless her heart good intentions and all that stinks to no end when in the restroom being the department baker, goody supplier, thoughtful department mom, good deed doer…really I don’t want to sound mean but really. It takes a good 2 hours for the bathroom to air, no way in heck I’m eating anything. I’m so wrong and bad (Lord forgive) that I always say, heeeey you baked this? If it’s yes I’m running the other way. She baked some concoction for our Christmas dinner and I couldn’t even make out it was suppose to be a loaf of some sort. She had to tell me. Oh, I did eat the Baklava only because someone had it delivered from some bakery or something….nothing out of a home kitchen. Now I know that was mean and all, please forgive but if you ain’t bathing but one a week I simply cannot do it.

Melo!!

December 15th, 2010
3:45 pm

Kelli

December 15th, 2010
3:45 pm

@2C – yes…I’ve been on antidepressants off and on for about 10 years…I see one therapist for medication and another one for psychotherapy. (I can’t believe I’m opening this much my first time posting on this forum!)

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
3:45 pm

PrincessNik and Delight23…thank you ladies for the tears in the corner of both my eyes….LOLOLOLOL

Sweet Pea

December 15th, 2010
3:46 pm

@Melo~3:24pm….I think men/women feelings are mutual especially when it comes to putting claim to a person and their particular body part only to find out that someone else was been beating your time! Dontcha ya agree??? :)

Sweet Pea

December 15th, 2010
3:47 pm

oops typo error>>>>was beating your you time!

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
3:47 pm

once not one

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
3:49 pm

Kelli – This blog is therauptic in some ways. You see folks posing to air their dirt/grievences,secret dreams/desires/wishes on here and is all the better cause they can say it, get positive feedback all for free while getting off their chest and without ever being found out (at home) if it’s cheating or robbing or killing.

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

December 15th, 2010
3:49 pm

“(I can’t believe I’m opening this much my first time posting on this forum!)”

Because we’ve been known to provide therapeutic relief, ’round these parts….now, as you were saying….you first started feeling this way, when? 10 years ago….hmmm, I see….

Leggs

December 15th, 2010
3:50 pm

@Melo ~ coming in on the back end, I took your post to mean something else. I don’t fight in public or run after any heifers!

Melo!!

December 15th, 2010
3:50 pm

We having Waffle house catered Xmas breakfast Friday morning..

Yes,the toothless cooks will be in da house!

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

December 15th, 2010
3:51 pm

Kelli…listen to Celisea, she once sat on the same couch posted from the same spot as yourself….

Rell - 23 months to retirement

December 15th, 2010
3:55 pm

BANGING that tru album from 97…#realdownsouthgangstaish

Melo!!

December 15th, 2010
3:56 pm

Sweat Pea/Leggs?

I think females are more expressive or protective in public…

Like, if I’m with queen and some dude wants to talk her up and he didn’t notice my presence….I’ll let him finish or let her handle it…

Same scenario but a chic is trying to talk me up…..she will step in the middle right quick …

feel me?

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
3:56 pm

Kelli…listen to Celisea, she once sat on the same couch posted from the same spot as yourself….

LOLOLOLOL….that was funny. I was referring to Porta Pottie, Cheater, Nice Guy Been Hurt, HeStillCheats and Y’all Are Children you know full well those are regular folks that needed to get it off their check. Heck Cheater went from confessing to handing out sound advice. See what the blog can do for you? Work wonders

Kelli

December 15th, 2010
3:57 pm

I guess it is good to open up and hear feedback from people you don’t know who will never know who you are!

@2C…I’ve had insecurities since I was a teen and the popular boys would pick on me every day. Then, a man did something terrible to me when I was 18. It has affected me more than I realized. I’ve been through some terrible relationships and have made some poor decisions in my life and now that I’m 31, I want to get on the road to happiness. My current boyfriend is the first relationship where there has been absolute mutual love. It’s also the first live in that I’ve had. It scares me to give so much of myself to someone because I fear getting hurt badly. Everyone says how perfect we are for each other, and I feel that we are. We just have some bumps to get past. No relationship is perfect, but we are both trying to work on some issues and make changes for each other…

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
3:58 pm

Kelli now don’t come on here tomorrow with the same 10 paragraphs with no improvement. The blog will be therauptic as well as call you on being stuck.

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
3:59 pm

I ain’t done but a bit of work today. Guess I’ll get busy.

Kelli

December 15th, 2010
4:01 pm

Thanks Celisea! I don’t mind being called out!

Melo!!

December 15th, 2010
4:02 pm

Kelli?

in your mind are u open to the possibility that, that relationship could also fail?

that’s one key to never being heartbroken, Ever!

Kelli

December 15th, 2010
4:07 pm

Wow Melo…it’s really hard to be open to that possibility. I pretty much wear my heart on my sleeve and give my all in hopes that it will work out in the long run. I can’t imagine it not working out with him.

Leggs

December 15th, 2010
4:08 pm

@Kelli ~ glad you’re sharing. It definitely helps. Don’t you think it’s time for YOU to find value in YOU! I know it’s been hard, but hopefully you’re letting more and more of what happened to you when you were 18 to fade far into the background. It’s gets easier when you consciously seek to do it. Many of us on this blog went through something by the hands of a greedy, disrespectful, foul smelling man. You are the only one who can truly make it to the other side by believing in yourself.

Now, you might have to eat your words about not being concerned about being called out here in Blogsville. When you’re called out, you’re called out and it ain’t pretty. Cool beans! Continue to work on yourself.

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

December 15th, 2010
4:10 pm

all jokes aside, Kelli, I applaud you taking the initiative to seek professional help…..fa real tho, stick around, you’ll be amazed at what you can learn on here….just get in where you fit in, pick up on the slang, and you’ll be good….

you noticed this: “I ain’t done but a bit of work today.” some do tend to relapse…but we still love her all the same.

BlackMagicWoman

December 15th, 2010
4:10 pm

Kellie…although I talk slick…I too wear my heart on my sleeve. So it makes me even more suspicious of guys!

Melo!!

December 15th, 2010
4:12 pm

it’s really hard to be open to that possibility..

see…ur selection will proly guarantee(going by the odds) that u may fall hard on your sword…

just saying…

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

December 15th, 2010
4:13 pm

also, Kelli….if what Melo says is true, and things go south with you and dude….a bunch of us blog fellas are having a party sometime next year….you’re more than welcome to attend….more details will be provided later…..

blue©

December 15th, 2010
4:16 pm

ok, did i just completely miss the couch today? dang it, and i bet it was something interesting too…..

czBrat ... last day HOORAY!

December 15th, 2010
4:17 pm

blog monster has no xmas spirit :mad:

melo, my “girls” are my sisters. we only talk to each other about our men as-needed, and we don’t really talk about men in general at all.
s/o and i talk about mars/venus issues all the time. and we talk waaay too much about our own ship (too much over analysis of every lil thing imo cuz i’m not much of a talker … but i’m learning) :razz:

now as for this —>females are sensitive about their D!ck!
i may be alone on this, but i’m gonna say it anyway. I don’t have a d!ck. my man does, but i don’t. it is his to do with as he pleases. thankfully, it pleases him to use it to please me. but i don’t claim his d!ck. suits me just fine that the d!ck belongs to him, cuz i luv being the one with the plum.

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
4:18 pm

2Can- you noticed this: “I ain’t done but a bit of work today.” some do tend to relapse…but we still love her all the same.

Man you’re silly…LOLOL

Yeah, Kelli I think it’s okay you’re putting it out there and like Leggs said, you’ll get a spanking on here if you say something total asinine but take it in stride…some folks mean well and don’t want to see even a stranger getting strung along. I know myself relationships and all that stuff carries a certain amount of risk and some you won’t know or identify or can “call it” until you so far into it but I agree, forget cheating jokers and do you. I commend you for hanging in there cause at the first sign of cheating, I’m out. I left a dude cause I suspected something. He never denied just laugh and said you think too much like a dude, gotta get you away from your brothers. Ha ha hell, I walked. You’ll feel sooo much better.

Melo!!

December 15th, 2010
4:18 pm

Lol 2Can, u said it first!

2 addicts,just like Kelli and ol boy, going into rehab..chances are good, at least one of them is gon relapse.

I wish she made a better choice in a guy seeing, she’s that sensitive.

czBrat ... last day HOORAY!

December 15th, 2010
4:21 pm

**** just told s/o i’m soooo ready to escape this plantation and never return. that fool said “run, toby, run!”**** :lol:

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
4:21 pm

Now…back to work

Dan - Simply...Superior

December 15th, 2010
4:24 pm

Kelli

I will not drink (do drugs, etc) today.

Worry about today, and worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.

Kelli

December 15th, 2010
4:25 pm

I really am learning to be more concerned with ME and what I want and need. It has really been a tough couple of months with starting therapy because it is bringing up so much, but I’ve realized it’s a lot of things that I never dealt with when they happened and now I’m gaining the tools I need to be truely happy. My man tells me I don’t focus enough on MY happiness and the positive things that we have together and I worry too much about what may or may not happen in the future. I’m trying to learn to just live day to day and enjoy the present.

Wow…who needs to spend money on therapy when I can just come here?!?! :-) I’ll stick around. It’s been a slow day at work, so I thought I’d troll the ‘net and found this blog (which I’ve read through before) and this topic touched me.

Thanks for making me feel welcome.

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
4:27 pm

Random:
Why do companies send out weather conditions alert? I mean seriously this might seem like a dumb question but inclement weather only causes me to go home if I’m here and stay home if I’m there. I mean I dig the get home safe but stuff but instructions and well wishes on getting here safely while wading through the snow and if you selection of daycare is closed, you’re invited to utilize the backup daycare at the church across the way? Ummm, if it’s inclement I ain’t coming, if daycare is closed I ain’t coming.

blue©

December 15th, 2010
4:27 pm

have no idea what the topic became, but hi to Kelli (waving)

yall werent too rough on her were you?

SexyCool

December 15th, 2010
4:28 pm

Kelz – don’t listen to Celisea…we will give you at least three days before we start getting on you for being stuck.
(teasing)

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
4:28 pm

blue – 2Can invited her to the couch and to engage in the forthcoming menses (yeah menses) meeting if she’s love challenged.

Sweet Pea

December 15th, 2010
4:28 pm

@Melo~Hmmmmmmmm that’s subjective!!!

Some of us can have a temperament that is… as cool as a cucumber. We can make our presence known without saying a word! Feel me :)

That Whip Appeal Effect!! Check ya guys later as I roll out :)

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
4:28 pm

SC – 4:28…LOL that was funny….Okay 3 days Kelli

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

December 15th, 2010
4:29 pm

“Thanks for making me feel welcome.”

cool…..now….just get yourself a cool moniker (one that fits you), and you’ll be good.

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
4:30 pm

my 4:27…I think I’ve been off the job way too much and way too long today…skip my typos

Dan - Simply...Superior

December 15th, 2010
4:30 pm

“My man tells me I don’t focus enough on MY happiness and the positive things that we have together and I worry too much about what may or may not happen in the future.”

If you take away one thing today. Know that your happiness comes from within – no one can make or break how your love for yourself.

Develop that love, get to know you, get to love you, and the world will be a better place.

Kelli

December 15th, 2010
4:33 pm

Thanks Blue! They haven’t been too tough. Helping out with some relationship stuff. Nice to have a place to go to talk about issues without anyone knowing who I am…

czBrat ... last day HOORAY!

December 15th, 2010
4:33 pm

we will give you at least three days posts before we start getting on you for being stuck.
let’s keep it real :lol:

Rell - 23 months to retirement

December 15th, 2010
4:33 pm

scarface – 2 real…man…they dont make songs like this no mo..smh

blue©

December 15th, 2010
4:34 pm

@SC – lol
@Celisea – menses meeting for the love challenged – sounds like that should be the name of a book on Oprahs list….suggested by 2C? well alrighty then…
@2C – cool moniker? i just wanna see someone name themselves Spartacus!!

Leggs

December 15th, 2010
4:35 pm

“Thanks for making me feel welcome.”

Kelli ~ that is our main goal, but some of us do forget our mantra. Take it in stride. It’s a bunch of strangers behind a computer screen. However way you want to use this blog as a therapy session, be mindful and don’t put all your business out here. It may be used to your detriment!

WELCOME, KELLI!

Kelli

December 15th, 2010
4:35 pm

@Dan…you are 100% right. I think for so long, I’ve looked for people or things to make me happy, but I’m realizing that they can’t. I have to find my inner happiness. I can tell I’m getting closer and closer every day. I look forward to the day when I find my true happiness! I know it’s coming!!!

BlackMagicWoman

December 15th, 2010
4:35 pm

Kellie….let me be the first to offer you a blog vest! Keep in case of an emergency! Trust me…you will need it! :lol:

SexyCool

December 15th, 2010
4:37 pm

I am loving the chorus of “Welcome, but be afraid. Be. Very. Afraid.”

Kelli

December 15th, 2010
4:37 pm

@Leggs…thanks for the warning. I know it can be easy for annonymous people behind a screen to be cruel and judgemental. From reading past blogs/posts, I can tell that there are some genuine folks out there. I’ll shake off the nasty ones! :-)

Cheater

December 15th, 2010
4:38 pm

Kelli, bravo and like someone said, get you a moniker and you are all set.

As for Cheating, ladies, really it’s not anything against you and really nothing you can do. If a guy is going to cheat, he is going to cheat, plain and simple. Sounds crazy, I know, but yes it impacts you, but it’s not anything against you personally. Sometimes yes, but most of the time, it’s us …

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
4:38 pm

blue – Celisea menses meeting for the love challenged – sounds like that should be the name of a book on Oprahs list….suggested by 2C? well alrighty then…

Yep, you got it…2Can…he’s been looking for some sort of female mascot that’s love challenged where they can kill 2 birds with one stone.

Melo!!

December 15th, 2010
4:39 pm

Kelli!

when u’re healed well know.. I know what ur first move is gon be.

blue©

December 15th, 2010
4:40 pm

@SC – Lmao…but isnt it true??
@Celisea – loving this phrase “love challenged”. who coined that exactly? sounds so PC….

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

December 15th, 2010
4:40 pm

“he’s been looking for some sort of female mascot that’s love challenged where they can kill 2 birds with one stone.”

why Celisea….I’m shocked that you would say such a thing!!! Me….lil ole innocent me…

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
4:43 pm

blue – loving this phrase “love challenged”. who coined that exactly? sounds so PC….

Actually I might have in misquoting him. He said “something” challenged but I couldn’t think of it so I replaced with love challanged. Maybe he did say it and I didn’t misquote. Feel free :)

2Can – “he’s been looking for some sort of female mascot that’s love challenged where they can kill 2 birds with one stone.”

Ummm, yeah you asked me….’member? I think you’re asking until you luck up on a yes. Yep, lil ole innocent you :)

Melo!!

December 15th, 2010
4:44 pm

2Can?

u bout 40 right?

looking forward to marrying again or u just need ol lady for longterm company and other physicals but no real conjugal paper..

depending on who goes first u can will her some thangs?

Kelli

December 15th, 2010
4:45 pm

I’ll work on a moniker…

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

December 15th, 2010
4:46 pm

” I think you’re asking until you luck up on a yes.”

not when you keep hatin’, and throwin salt in the game…Beautiful was almost a go! shoot, that may be just the therapy Kelli needs…who knows? a “release” of gigantic proportions!

Leggs

December 15th, 2010
4:47 pm

@SexyC ~ you were being nice, but czB was being honest :lol: :lol:

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

December 15th, 2010
4:48 pm

yeah, Melo, I’m gettin’ there bruh!

Jay-Z tombout “30 is the new 20″…my motto gon’ be, “A 20 year old with 2 decades of experience!”

Leggs

December 15th, 2010
4:50 pm

@BMW ~ it’s been established that vests are not issued until the moniker has been present and posting for the next 2 weeks. If they can ride out the next 2 weeks, a vest will be given.

So, Kelli, you have to provide your own protection ffrom shrapnel (cruel posts) until Blogsville will issue you a permanent, fully functional vest. If you remain a resident here, you will be issued a vest on 12/29/10.

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
4:50 pm

2Can – not when you keep hatin’, and throwin salt in the game…Beautiful was almost a go! shoot, that may be just the therapy Kelli needs…who knows? a “release” of gigantic proportions!

Salt? Not me…say it aint’ so. As far as “sure possibilities” you keep ahammering on this thing I can almost guarantee you already got some potentials “um Ks”…LOL And “release” of gigantic proportions? The the mascot or all of ya’ll attending (combined)? Don’t let me do nothing to hinder the meeting.

Melo!!

December 15th, 2010
4:52 pm

It’s gon happen 2Can…

BlackMagicWoman

December 15th, 2010
4:53 pm

Kellie….oh well…I was trying to help a sista out! :lol: Guess you’ll have to wait your time out!

Leggs

December 15th, 2010
4:54 pm

@Kelli ~ let’s see how quick you are on your feet. We have daily “end of the day” quotes! Even with you being a newbie, would you care to leave the end of the day quote today. Starting at 4:56 is a good time to start leaving the quote. GO!

Melo!!

December 15th, 2010
4:57 pm

Leggs?

Keli has to provide own protection!?

Trojan

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
4:58 pm

LOLOLOL…man some folks

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
4:58 pm

Sometimes a good book or tv is a good distraction

blue©

December 15th, 2010
4:59 pm

@Kelli – moniker = Spartacus….im telling you, itl be legend-ary….
@Leggs – maybe there should be like a minimum protection thing…till you get your vest and all, cause things can be dealy in here sometimes…

czBrat ... last day HOORAY!

December 15th, 2010
5:03 pm

hush, blue! watching the lions go after the cubs is just part of the fun the natural order of things in here.

Leggs

December 15th, 2010
5:03 pm

@Melo ~ only you.

@Kelli ~ where you go?

E.O.D. = “If you want it done right the first time, do it yourself” :lol: :lol: :lol:

czBrat ... last day HOORAY!

December 15th, 2010
5:05 pm

ugh. computer crashed second time in half hour. don’t have the energy to re-start every program, so i’m gonna take this as a sign that i must depart this lovely place.

ciao all!!

i’ll be in touch from my new digs soon enough. i hope to be a house negra when we meet again. :lol:

Leggs

December 15th, 2010
5:06 pm

Hope everyone has a great, warm and fuzzy evening.

Good night!

blue©

December 15th, 2010
5:09 pm

@cz – just trying to get a snazzy moniker is all, alright, i’ll wait and see what happens….have fun getting settled in your new place!!!

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
5:14 pm

Why do folks continue to send text msgs with contents that they know my network gonna screen and delete. Yeah if it’s risque or appears to be such it’s deleted before receiving. How many times I gotta tell you that?