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Cheating pre-marriage a deal breaker?

I’ve noticed that a lot men that I have talked to about their exes who cheated on them rarely continue the relationship. It pretty much makes her off limits for anything more than hooking up. One guy even said that if she cheated before he even thought of marriage, she would probably do it again after marriage.

Do you believe that a person is not marriage material if they were unfaithful to you while you were dating? Is fair to hold that against a person who may have changed and learned from their mistakes?

Should cheating in marriage be compared to cheating on someone you are dating?

Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Blog

358 comments Add your comment

Kelli

December 15th, 2010
4:07 pm

Wow Melo…it’s really hard to be open to that possibility. I pretty much wear my heart on my sleeve and give my all in hopes that it will work out in the long run. I can’t imagine it not working out with him.

Leggs

December 15th, 2010
4:08 pm

@Kelli ~ glad you’re sharing. It definitely helps. Don’t you think it’s time for YOU to find value in YOU! I know it’s been hard, but hopefully you’re letting more and more of what happened to you when you were 18 to fade far into the background. It’s gets easier when you consciously seek to do it. Many of us on this blog went through something by the hands of a greedy, disrespectful, foul smelling man. You are the only one who can truly make it to the other side by believing in yourself.

Now, you might have to eat your words about not being concerned about being called out here in Blogsville. When you’re called out, you’re called out and it ain’t pretty. Cool beans! Continue to work on yourself.

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

December 15th, 2010
4:10 pm

all jokes aside, Kelli, I applaud you taking the initiative to seek professional help…..fa real tho, stick around, you’ll be amazed at what you can learn on here….just get in where you fit in, pick up on the slang, and you’ll be good….

you noticed this: “I ain’t done but a bit of work today.” some do tend to relapse…but we still love her all the same.

BlackMagicWoman

December 15th, 2010
4:10 pm

Kellie…although I talk slick…I too wear my heart on my sleeve. So it makes me even more suspicious of guys!

Melo!!

December 15th, 2010
4:12 pm

it’s really hard to be open to that possibility..

see…ur selection will proly guarantee(going by the odds) that u may fall hard on your sword…

just saying…

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

December 15th, 2010
4:13 pm

also, Kelli….if what Melo says is true, and things go south with you and dude….a bunch of us blog fellas are having a party sometime next year….you’re more than welcome to attend….more details will be provided later…..

blue©

December 15th, 2010
4:16 pm

ok, did i just completely miss the couch today? dang it, and i bet it was something interesting too…..

czBrat ... last day HOORAY!

December 15th, 2010
4:17 pm

blog monster has no xmas spirit :mad:

melo, my “girls” are my sisters. we only talk to each other about our men as-needed, and we don’t really talk about men in general at all.
s/o and i talk about mars/venus issues all the time. and we talk waaay too much about our own ship (too much over analysis of every lil thing imo cuz i’m not much of a talker … but i’m learning) :razz:

now as for this —>females are sensitive about their D!ck!
i may be alone on this, but i’m gonna say it anyway. I don’t have a d!ck. my man does, but i don’t. it is his to do with as he pleases. thankfully, it pleases him to use it to please me. but i don’t claim his d!ck. suits me just fine that the d!ck belongs to him, cuz i luv being the one with the plum.

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
4:18 pm

2Can- you noticed this: “I ain’t done but a bit of work today.” some do tend to relapse…but we still love her all the same.

Man you’re silly…LOLOL

Yeah, Kelli I think it’s okay you’re putting it out there and like Leggs said, you’ll get a spanking on here if you say something total asinine but take it in stride…some folks mean well and don’t want to see even a stranger getting strung along. I know myself relationships and all that stuff carries a certain amount of risk and some you won’t know or identify or can “call it” until you so far into it but I agree, forget cheating jokers and do you. I commend you for hanging in there cause at the first sign of cheating, I’m out. I left a dude cause I suspected something. He never denied just laugh and said you think too much like a dude, gotta get you away from your brothers. Ha ha hell, I walked. You’ll feel sooo much better.

Melo!!

December 15th, 2010
4:18 pm

Lol 2Can, u said it first!

2 addicts,just like Kelli and ol boy, going into rehab..chances are good, at least one of them is gon relapse.

I wish she made a better choice in a guy seeing, she’s that sensitive.

czBrat ... last day HOORAY!

December 15th, 2010
4:21 pm

**** just told s/o i’m soooo ready to escape this plantation and never return. that fool said “run, toby, run!”**** :lol:

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
4:21 pm

Now…back to work

Dan - Simply...Superior

December 15th, 2010
4:24 pm

Kelli

I will not drink (do drugs, etc) today.

Worry about today, and worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.

Kelli

December 15th, 2010
4:25 pm

I really am learning to be more concerned with ME and what I want and need. It has really been a tough couple of months with starting therapy because it is bringing up so much, but I’ve realized it’s a lot of things that I never dealt with when they happened and now I’m gaining the tools I need to be truely happy. My man tells me I don’t focus enough on MY happiness and the positive things that we have together and I worry too much about what may or may not happen in the future. I’m trying to learn to just live day to day and enjoy the present.

Wow…who needs to spend money on therapy when I can just come here?!?! :-) I’ll stick around. It’s been a slow day at work, so I thought I’d troll the ‘net and found this blog (which I’ve read through before) and this topic touched me.

Thanks for making me feel welcome.

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
4:27 pm

Random:
Why do companies send out weather conditions alert? I mean seriously this might seem like a dumb question but inclement weather only causes me to go home if I’m here and stay home if I’m there. I mean I dig the get home safe but stuff but instructions and well wishes on getting here safely while wading through the snow and if you selection of daycare is closed, you’re invited to utilize the backup daycare at the church across the way? Ummm, if it’s inclement I ain’t coming, if daycare is closed I ain’t coming.

blue©

December 15th, 2010
4:27 pm

have no idea what the topic became, but hi to Kelli (waving)

yall werent too rough on her were you?

SexyCool

December 15th, 2010
4:28 pm

Kelz – don’t listen to Celisea…we will give you at least three days before we start getting on you for being stuck.
(teasing)

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
4:28 pm

blue – 2Can invited her to the couch and to engage in the forthcoming menses (yeah menses) meeting if she’s love challenged.

Sweet Pea

December 15th, 2010
4:28 pm

@Melo~Hmmmmmmmm that’s subjective!!!

Some of us can have a temperament that is… as cool as a cucumber. We can make our presence known without saying a word! Feel me :)

That Whip Appeal Effect!! Check ya guys later as I roll out :)

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
4:28 pm

SC – 4:28…LOL that was funny….Okay 3 days Kelli

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

December 15th, 2010
4:29 pm

“Thanks for making me feel welcome.”

cool…..now….just get yourself a cool moniker (one that fits you), and you’ll be good.

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
4:30 pm

my 4:27…I think I’ve been off the job way too much and way too long today…skip my typos

Dan - Simply...Superior

December 15th, 2010
4:30 pm

“My man tells me I don’t focus enough on MY happiness and the positive things that we have together and I worry too much about what may or may not happen in the future.”

If you take away one thing today. Know that your happiness comes from within – no one can make or break how your love for yourself.

Develop that love, get to know you, get to love you, and the world will be a better place.

Kelli

December 15th, 2010
4:33 pm

Thanks Blue! They haven’t been too tough. Helping out with some relationship stuff. Nice to have a place to go to talk about issues without anyone knowing who I am…

czBrat ... last day HOORAY!

December 15th, 2010
4:33 pm

we will give you at least three days posts before we start getting on you for being stuck.
let’s keep it real :lol:

Rell - 23 months to retirement

December 15th, 2010
4:33 pm

scarface – 2 real…man…they dont make songs like this no mo..smh

blue©

December 15th, 2010
4:34 pm

@SC – lol
@Celisea – menses meeting for the love challenged – sounds like that should be the name of a book on Oprahs list….suggested by 2C? well alrighty then…
@2C – cool moniker? i just wanna see someone name themselves Spartacus!!

Leggs

December 15th, 2010
4:35 pm

“Thanks for making me feel welcome.”

Kelli ~ that is our main goal, but some of us do forget our mantra. Take it in stride. It’s a bunch of strangers behind a computer screen. However way you want to use this blog as a therapy session, be mindful and don’t put all your business out here. It may be used to your detriment!

WELCOME, KELLI!

Kelli

December 15th, 2010
4:35 pm

@Dan…you are 100% right. I think for so long, I’ve looked for people or things to make me happy, but I’m realizing that they can’t. I have to find my inner happiness. I can tell I’m getting closer and closer every day. I look forward to the day when I find my true happiness! I know it’s coming!!!

BlackMagicWoman

December 15th, 2010
4:35 pm

Kellie….let me be the first to offer you a blog vest! Keep in case of an emergency! Trust me…you will need it! :lol:

SexyCool

December 15th, 2010
4:37 pm

I am loving the chorus of “Welcome, but be afraid. Be. Very. Afraid.”

Kelli

December 15th, 2010
4:37 pm

@Leggs…thanks for the warning. I know it can be easy for annonymous people behind a screen to be cruel and judgemental. From reading past blogs/posts, I can tell that there are some genuine folks out there. I’ll shake off the nasty ones! :-)

Cheater

December 15th, 2010
4:38 pm

Kelli, bravo and like someone said, get you a moniker and you are all set.

As for Cheating, ladies, really it’s not anything against you and really nothing you can do. If a guy is going to cheat, he is going to cheat, plain and simple. Sounds crazy, I know, but yes it impacts you, but it’s not anything against you personally. Sometimes yes, but most of the time, it’s us …

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
4:38 pm

blue – Celisea menses meeting for the love challenged – sounds like that should be the name of a book on Oprahs list….suggested by 2C? well alrighty then…

Yep, you got it…2Can…he’s been looking for some sort of female mascot that’s love challenged where they can kill 2 birds with one stone.

Melo!!

December 15th, 2010
4:39 pm

Kelli!

when u’re healed well know.. I know what ur first move is gon be.

blue©

December 15th, 2010
4:40 pm

@SC – Lmao…but isnt it true??
@Celisea – loving this phrase “love challenged”. who coined that exactly? sounds so PC….

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

December 15th, 2010
4:40 pm

“he’s been looking for some sort of female mascot that’s love challenged where they can kill 2 birds with one stone.”

why Celisea….I’m shocked that you would say such a thing!!! Me….lil ole innocent me…

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
4:43 pm

blue – loving this phrase “love challenged”. who coined that exactly? sounds so PC….

Actually I might have in misquoting him. He said “something” challenged but I couldn’t think of it so I replaced with love challanged. Maybe he did say it and I didn’t misquote. Feel free :)

2Can – “he’s been looking for some sort of female mascot that’s love challenged where they can kill 2 birds with one stone.”

Ummm, yeah you asked me….’member? I think you’re asking until you luck up on a yes. Yep, lil ole innocent you :)

Melo!!

December 15th, 2010
4:44 pm

2Can?

u bout 40 right?

looking forward to marrying again or u just need ol lady for longterm company and other physicals but no real conjugal paper..

depending on who goes first u can will her some thangs?

Kelli

December 15th, 2010
4:45 pm

I’ll work on a moniker…

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

December 15th, 2010
4:46 pm

” I think you’re asking until you luck up on a yes.”

not when you keep hatin’, and throwin salt in the game…Beautiful was almost a go! shoot, that may be just the therapy Kelli needs…who knows? a “release” of gigantic proportions!

Leggs

December 15th, 2010
4:47 pm

@SexyC ~ you were being nice, but czB was being honest :lol: :lol:

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

December 15th, 2010
4:48 pm

yeah, Melo, I’m gettin’ there bruh!

Jay-Z tombout “30 is the new 20″…my motto gon’ be, “A 20 year old with 2 decades of experience!”

Leggs

December 15th, 2010
4:50 pm

@BMW ~ it’s been established that vests are not issued until the moniker has been present and posting for the next 2 weeks. If they can ride out the next 2 weeks, a vest will be given.

So, Kelli, you have to provide your own protection ffrom shrapnel (cruel posts) until Blogsville will issue you a permanent, fully functional vest. If you remain a resident here, you will be issued a vest on 12/29/10.

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
4:50 pm

2Can – not when you keep hatin’, and throwin salt in the game…Beautiful was almost a go! shoot, that may be just the therapy Kelli needs…who knows? a “release” of gigantic proportions!

Salt? Not me…say it aint’ so. As far as “sure possibilities” you keep ahammering on this thing I can almost guarantee you already got some potentials “um Ks”…LOL And “release” of gigantic proportions? The the mascot or all of ya’ll attending (combined)? Don’t let me do nothing to hinder the meeting.

Melo!!

December 15th, 2010
4:52 pm

It’s gon happen 2Can…

BlackMagicWoman

December 15th, 2010
4:53 pm

Kellie….oh well…I was trying to help a sista out! :lol: Guess you’ll have to wait your time out!

Leggs

December 15th, 2010
4:54 pm

@Kelli ~ let’s see how quick you are on your feet. We have daily “end of the day” quotes! Even with you being a newbie, would you care to leave the end of the day quote today. Starting at 4:56 is a good time to start leaving the quote. GO!

Melo!!

December 15th, 2010
4:57 pm

Leggs?

Keli has to provide own protection!?

Trojan

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
4:58 pm

LOLOLOL…man some folks