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Cheating pre-marriage a deal breaker?

I’ve noticed that a lot men that I have talked to about their exes who cheated on them rarely continue the relationship. It pretty much makes her off limits for anything more than hooking up. One guy even said that if she cheated before he even thought of marriage, she would probably do it again after marriage.

Do you believe that a person is not marriage material if they were unfaithful to you while you were dating? Is fair to hold that against a person who may have changed and learned from their mistakes?

Should cheating in marriage be compared to cheating on someone you are dating?

Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Blog

358 comments Add your comment

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
3:00 pm

Lord Velonese – I actually miss your post. It’s good (IMO) when the masses ain’t all the time agreeing. I mean it’s to each his own right? However, I don’t think it even runs deep enough for anybody to get butt-hurt. Now you if said the same thing every other post, that might get the reaction you’re expecting.

SexyCool

December 15th, 2010
3:02 pm

Seriously though…why make a commitment to someone knowing that you are unfulfilled in some area thereby making you incapable of remaining faithful?

Melo!!

December 15th, 2010
3:03 pm

Dan,I don’t think any man can explain or rationalize to their satisfaction.

U lose all the time….

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

December 15th, 2010
3:04 pm

Mo…are you still around?

Rell - 23 months to retirement

December 15th, 2010
3:05 pm

Delight23 ...Heading South for X-Mas

December 15th, 2010
3:06 pm

and don’t have to leave the I’m [sic] with.

…because they don’t know about the cheating. Clearly if you truly did not have to leave, the other person would know and you’d have an open relationship.

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
3:07 pm

Here’s the easy answer and the one thing that will shut every woman’s mouth. Yes love, I can and will be eternally faithful and only “do” you and love you. Agree? Right thought so. Until this becomes a reality, let the discussions continue.

Cheater

December 15th, 2010
3:07 pm

Kelli, I hear you, go with your heart and what you feel, but also be smart about it. At some point, in order to move forward, you will need to let the past go. Not saying you should entirely forget the past, but try to take the person for what they are showing you today. Now, please don’t go postal, but let it be known that you will not tolerate any type of abuse and cheating is one type of abuse.

Melo!!

December 15th, 2010
3:09 pm

As for Michael Vick, if I were his advisor, I would urge him to stop talking about dogs until he gets that new big contract in the summer..don’t rile the dog brigade folks, talking bout dogs!

BlackMagicWoman

December 15th, 2010
3:11 pm

RELL…. JESUS take the wheel :lol: She commence to assist in the beatdown!

SexyCool

December 15th, 2010
3:11 pm

“cheating is one type of abuse.”

Cheater – that was worth repeating…even coming from a Cheater.

Dan - Simply...Superior

December 15th, 2010
3:11 pm

@SC

I never knew.

Honestly, for me, it was the fact that I didn’t want to be fulfilled by one woman (see: immaturity, vanity, and cultural acquiesence) in part, because I never knew anything else.

I was surrounded by cheaters and thought – that’s what men do.

It wasn’t until years ago, and some hurt fillings/women, that I began to understand that I didn’t have to follow that mold. I could be my own man in that sense.

So, yeah, it’s easy to say, easier for some to do, and few can explain it. I just looked up one day and make a choice to stop the behavior.

Now, if I could do the same with that Goose….that isht be calling me man

blue©

December 15th, 2010
3:11 pm

@cz – tis indeed…one of the ladies let out some note the other day, made everyone in the vicinity cringe….
@Princess – ahhh, ok. the carolers, their down in the lobby/foodcourt area. but i would like to eat in peace lol
@Celisea – be doomed post – LOL

Melo!!

December 15th, 2010
3:14 pm

females are sensitive bout their Dick!

SexyCool

December 15th, 2010
3:15 pm

Now…if only dudes were as sensitive about them.

Melo!!

December 15th, 2010
3:23 pm

Ladies happy in relationships,married or not??

do y’all talk bout men when u are together…just men in general?

Or u have other feminine topics u concentrate on mostly…

I ain’t asking this to chics on the prowl… k? :lol:

czBrat ... last day HOORAY!

December 15th, 2010
3:26 pm

melo, i’d answer but i have no idea what you’re asking.

Leggs

December 15th, 2010
3:27 pm

“If he/she cheats then you’re not getting it done for him/her and it’s time to cut.”

Not necessarily true. Some men who are happy at home, sex is great, etc. still cheat for the sheer hell of the thrill. Sometimes they want their egos stroked (pun intended). Some need to know they can still “pull.” Then before you know it, their wangs land where it shouldn’t.

@BMW ~ they were saying cars were passing by and no one stopped until this woman (somewhat hefty) pulled up and started punching the dude. What no one is saying, however, is this man is 64 years and the cop couldn’t handle him.

BlackMagicWoman

December 15th, 2010
3:28 pm

“Now…if only dudes were as sensitive about them.”

Yep…they stick them any and everywhere! Dirty I tell you….just nasty & dirty! :shock: They can keep that diseased d*ck! I am fine as long as there is an Inserection and a Starship! :lol: Clean dizzle guranteed! Low maintence…it’s not looking for me to cook or stroke it’s ego! And it gets the job done and I am not left with a WTF…I could have had a V8″ face! :lol:

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
3:29 pm

Random:
Folks around here baking and passing out cookies and stuff as gifts. I know it’s wrong but one bag is about to get tossed. She talks too much of their dog (in lieu of kids)…all in the bed with her and hubby, traveling….and calls it her baby. It such a nice gesture but I can’t bring myself to eat them. Just like the Christmas dinner….I only ate my deviled eggs, the store bought bread, the honey baked ham and turkey and only drank from the 2 liter bottles. I cannot bring myself to eat out of folks’ homes that I don’t know. Too most of these folks have more pics of animals than humans in their offices.

Melo!!

December 15th, 2010
3:30 pm

Cz?

do u talk about men with ur girls(married or coupled ones?

not ur single and looking ones..

Kelli

December 15th, 2010
3:31 pm

@Melo…I’ve only been in therapy for a couple of months, but it’s basically getting to the root of my insecurity, that I’ve had since I was a teenager, and trying to figure out ways to feel better about myself. It seems like a long process, but so far, I’m feeling better and handling things better, so it’s worth it.

AmazonRed™

December 15th, 2010
3:31 pm

Getting ready for our office christmas party…. Grey Goose, Captain Morgan and Crown Royal just showed up. :lol:

SexyCool

December 15th, 2010
3:35 pm

Cel – there is this dude that works here that is always talking about some dessert mess that his wife cooks. Not only is he the dingiest dude on staff, once I actually caught a glance of this dish…it looked like something someone had earled.blech….

Leggs

December 15th, 2010
3:39 pm

@Melo ~ apparently not as sensitive as men are about their puddy!!

Dan - Simply...Superior

December 15th, 2010
3:39 pm

@BMW

Someone wants batteries for Christmas….

But for real, not every man you meet is like that. Obviously, you’re capable of making your own decisions, but I wish you a healthy reciprocally loving relationship in your future.

My good deed for the day

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

December 15th, 2010
3:42 pm

Kelli, does your therapist prescribe medicine for you? (said in my preacher voice…stay with me, I’m going somewhere with this)

Melo!!

December 15th, 2010
3:44 pm

Leggs..

so u just more showy bout it…u profess,in public, to cut up a heifer if she tempers with get man.

(I got this visual of Raqi, looking menacingly :evil: :x :wtf , at the heifer flipping her hair at Mason)

PrincessNik

December 15th, 2010
3:44 pm

Celisea your 3:29 :lol: I understand!! Any mention of a cat is definately to the top of the DNE (do not eat) List for me, do not pass go do not collect 200.00!

Delight23 ...Heading South for X-Mas

December 15th, 2010
3:44 pm

Celisea 2:29PM :lol: nothing wrong with self preservation. Have two co-workers like that. One would come to work with dog hairs on her clothes, the other has come to work smelling like something other than “Fresh N’ Clean.” :-(

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
3:44 pm

SexyCool – That’s about like the old lady, bless her heart good intentions and all that stinks to no end when in the restroom being the department baker, goody supplier, thoughtful department mom, good deed doer…really I don’t want to sound mean but really. It takes a good 2 hours for the bathroom to air, no way in heck I’m eating anything. I’m so wrong and bad (Lord forgive) that I always say, heeeey you baked this? If it’s yes I’m running the other way. She baked some concoction for our Christmas dinner and I couldn’t even make out it was suppose to be a loaf of some sort. She had to tell me. Oh, I did eat the Baklava only because someone had it delivered from some bakery or something….nothing out of a home kitchen. Now I know that was mean and all, please forgive but if you ain’t bathing but one a week I simply cannot do it.

Melo!!

December 15th, 2010
3:45 pm

Kelli

December 15th, 2010
3:45 pm

@2C – yes…I’ve been on antidepressants off and on for about 10 years…I see one therapist for medication and another one for psychotherapy. (I can’t believe I’m opening this much my first time posting on this forum!)

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
3:45 pm

PrincessNik and Delight23…thank you ladies for the tears in the corner of both my eyes….LOLOLOLOL

Sweet Pea

December 15th, 2010
3:46 pm

@Melo~3:24pm….I think men/women feelings are mutual especially when it comes to putting claim to a person and their particular body part only to find out that someone else was been beating your time! Dontcha ya agree??? :)

Sweet Pea

December 15th, 2010
3:47 pm

oops typo error>>>>was beating your you time!

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
3:47 pm

once not one

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
3:49 pm

Kelli – This blog is therauptic in some ways. You see folks posing to air their dirt/grievences,secret dreams/desires/wishes on here and is all the better cause they can say it, get positive feedback all for free while getting off their chest and without ever being found out (at home) if it’s cheating or robbing or killing.

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

December 15th, 2010
3:49 pm

“(I can’t believe I’m opening this much my first time posting on this forum!)”

Because we’ve been known to provide therapeutic relief, ’round these parts….now, as you were saying….you first started feeling this way, when? 10 years ago….hmmm, I see….

Leggs

December 15th, 2010
3:50 pm

@Melo ~ coming in on the back end, I took your post to mean something else. I don’t fight in public or run after any heifers!

Melo!!

December 15th, 2010
3:50 pm

We having Waffle house catered Xmas breakfast Friday morning..

Yes,the toothless cooks will be in da house!

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

December 15th, 2010
3:51 pm

Kelli…listen to Celisea, she once sat on the same couch posted from the same spot as yourself….

Rell - 23 months to retirement

December 15th, 2010
3:55 pm

BANGING that tru album from 97…#realdownsouthgangstaish

Melo!!

December 15th, 2010
3:56 pm

Sweat Pea/Leggs?

I think females are more expressive or protective in public…

Like, if I’m with queen and some dude wants to talk her up and he didn’t notice my presence….I’ll let him finish or let her handle it…

Same scenario but a chic is trying to talk me up…..she will step in the middle right quick …

feel me?

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
3:56 pm

Kelli…listen to Celisea, she once sat on the same couch posted from the same spot as yourself….

LOLOLOLOL….that was funny. I was referring to Porta Pottie, Cheater, Nice Guy Been Hurt, HeStillCheats and Y’all Are Children you know full well those are regular folks that needed to get it off their check. Heck Cheater went from confessing to handing out sound advice. See what the blog can do for you? Work wonders

Kelli

December 15th, 2010
3:57 pm

I guess it is good to open up and hear feedback from people you don’t know who will never know who you are!

@2C…I’ve had insecurities since I was a teen and the popular boys would pick on me every day. Then, a man did something terrible to me when I was 18. It has affected me more than I realized. I’ve been through some terrible relationships and have made some poor decisions in my life and now that I’m 31, I want to get on the road to happiness. My current boyfriend is the first relationship where there has been absolute mutual love. It’s also the first live in that I’ve had. It scares me to give so much of myself to someone because I fear getting hurt badly. Everyone says how perfect we are for each other, and I feel that we are. We just have some bumps to get past. No relationship is perfect, but we are both trying to work on some issues and make changes for each other…

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
3:58 pm

Kelli now don’t come on here tomorrow with the same 10 paragraphs with no improvement. The blog will be therauptic as well as call you on being stuck.

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
3:59 pm

I ain’t done but a bit of work today. Guess I’ll get busy.

Kelli

December 15th, 2010
4:01 pm

Thanks Celisea! I don’t mind being called out!

Melo!!

December 15th, 2010
4:02 pm

Kelli?

in your mind are u open to the possibility that, that relationship could also fail?

that’s one key to never being heartbroken, Ever!