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Cheating pre-marriage a deal breaker?

I’ve noticed that a lot men that I have talked to about their exes who cheated on them rarely continue the relationship. It pretty much makes her off limits for anything more than hooking up. One guy even said that if she cheated before he even thought of marriage, she would probably do it again after marriage.

Do you believe that a person is not marriage material if they were unfaithful to you while you were dating? Is fair to hold that against a person who may have changed and learned from their mistakes?

Should cheating in marriage be compared to cheating on someone you are dating?

Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Blog

358 comments Add your comment

Rell - 23 months to retirement

December 15th, 2010
2:17 pm

on the details….i just wanted to know how much of a dirty bench she would be…but i found out that most cheaters are cowards..and run when confronted…they know the rules…you touch mine..i will touch you…thats the funny part…but again it seems like ages ago…

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

December 15th, 2010
2:18 pm

Rell, had you went to the extreme in that instance, I think the State of Ga allows for an insanity plea under those circumstances….

Melo!!

December 15th, 2010
2:20 pm

@Ared.. It’s actually today? Happy birfday…sorry u ain’t wrapping that phine azz round some boo of yours..next time!

@2Can? Not justified but she proly will have a pink eye for that.

SexyCool

December 15th, 2010
2:21 pm

And how about the chick that stopped her car and helped the officer that was catching the beatdown? She put her keys in her back pocket and went to wailin’ on that dude.

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
2:22 pm

That was funny as heck and probably somebody’s mama.

AmazonRed™

December 15th, 2010
2:22 pm

@Melo – It was a couple of Sundays ago. :lol: But thank you anyway.

Rell - 23 months to retirement

December 15th, 2010
2:23 pm

would you bother seeking answers if that ever happened again?

- @cz…nope…i know better now…and if you think THAT was something…lol…i have more..but i have talked about some of them before and have been trolled on them and also told i was dumb..was i..yep….but a promise is a promise in my book…for better or worse…

@2c…it almost came to that a couple of times….during those times..i was alone..she would leave for weeks until i cooled off…

SexyCool

December 15th, 2010
2:23 pm

Leggs – please believe babygirl expects to gain financially SOMEhow with this effort.

Rell - 23 months to retirement

December 15th, 2010
2:24 pm

happy belated to you!

blue©

December 15th, 2010
2:25 pm

@Princess – getting nowhere with the desk, keep getting distracted by side conversations, lol…think im having some ADD today, no focus….

what are we talking about in here now?

Melo!!

December 15th, 2010
2:25 pm

Sexxycool?!

on that police officer…why do they even hire there’s Amazons anyway?

now officer has to be rescued by a civilian..

:lol: and sad!

Sassy Me..10 days til MY birthday :-)

December 15th, 2010
2:26 pm

Do you believe that a person is not marriage material if they were unfaithful to you while you were dating?

For me personally, I love hard and cheating has been the demise of all of my relationships….it’s just a deal breaker I have yet to be able to forgive.

Is fair to hold that against a person who may have changed and learned from their mistakes?

That depends on the people involved and if cheating is a recurring thing in the relationship. If a person is truly remorseful and doesn’t cheat again(that you know of) then it’s all good but if the person cheated before marriage and continued afterward then the argument becomes “Well you knew that before you married him/her”…

Melo!!

December 15th, 2010
2:27 pm

These Amazons

Y'all are Children.

December 15th, 2010
2:29 pm

If he/she cheats then you’re not getting it done for him/her and it’s time to cut. when I started cheating on my ‘ex’, I knew the relationship was over, I just didn’t have the cajones to tell her, “later” until a while on. I cheated because she got mean, fat and took me for granted.
Folks, you can’t change people. People can’t change. They can pretend for a while, but they are what they are. A cheater will cheat on you again.

PrincessNik

December 15th, 2010
2:29 pm

Blue I keep getting distracted too, and then they had Christmas music playing on the pa system i had to pull out my ipod, can’t do but so much bing crosby, and elvis etc… so now i’m a little more focused. Don’t get me wrong i like Christmas music, just a little more soulful than what they got going on right now.

Kelli

December 15th, 2010
2:32 pm

@Cheater…My heart and gut tell me that he won’t cheat on me. He has a really good thing going with me. We are pretty perfect for each other. My problem is that I am insecure and I know his past, but I have to let his past be his past, right? He’s been cheated on by every woman he’s been with also. He knows the pain. I feel that he has grown a lot since we were first together 6 years ago. I wonder if I will always have the fear/suspicion. I have a past myself and have done things I’m not proud of and don’t want to be judged on it. I want to figure out how not to judge him for the things he has done and take him for the man he is today. I want to have faith in him. I’m working on it. As time goes on, I’ll feel more comfortable and can hopefully let my fears go. If he cheats, then he’s gone…no matter how much I love him. I cannot let a man cheat on me.

SexyCool

December 15th, 2010
2:33 pm

YallAreChildren – no, you cheated because you wanted to and because you were a coward.

Delight23 ...Heading South for X-Mas

December 15th, 2010
2:33 pm

A ho is ho and she got to go!

…allowing for the use of “he got to go,” I think that about sums it up. :-)

SexyCool

December 15th, 2010
2:34 pm

Kelli – there is a therapist appointment you need to make soon. Before you kill somebody.

SexyCool

December 15th, 2010
2:35 pm

Funniest headline I’ve read today – “Mike Vick wants a dog”

Delight23 ...Heading South for X-Mas

December 15th, 2010
2:35 pm

YallAreChildren – no, you cheated because you wanted to and because you were a coward.

Funny how the black and white is always made gray huh? :roll:

SexyCool

December 15th, 2010
2:37 pm

And you probably NEVER told her. You probably got caught OR…she got tired of the bllsht and walked away.

Mo (aka Moeisha)

December 15th, 2010
2:38 pm

PrincessNik – I like Christmas music too but I swear it seems like it started too soon this year.

Dan - Simply...Superior

December 15th, 2010
2:39 pm

Did I miss something?

How does cheating = cowardice?

Derby

December 15th, 2010
2:39 pm

let me pose a question to the blog that we recently discussed over a grown-folks dinner. which would bother you more … s/o cheating with random individuals (one-nighters) or a continuous affair?

From experience…..I would have preferred one-nighters. The continuous affair was a definite blow to tha ego. I could always tell when we would run into his “other” family…..they would act like I was the one in the wrong….tha hell??? Like I was holding him hostage from his true love. Well, they got him, and guess what?…..he cheated on them too. Some folk never grow up. He is one of them. Good riddance.

i'm swiss™

December 15th, 2010
2:40 pm

Afternoon, folks…

On topic: I don’t necessarily think it’s impossible for someone to cheat on one person but be faithful to another (though, I do suspect it’s rare). But if somebody is going to cheat on your azz before you are married, you best believe you will be a cuckold after marriage.

My ex was a cheater & I knew about it & even liked it to an extent, as she was cheating with other women and not dudes (well, at least not that I knew about). Of course, once the initial horniness over the image of my chic getting freaky with other chics died down, it was pretty plain to see that she was just interested in the other chics & not interested in bringing said chics home for us both to enjoy. C’est la vie. At least a few fun 3-ways came of it, so not a total loss… :lol:

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
2:41 pm

Y’all are Children – Yes you should know “once a cheater always a cheater” you said so yourself. Don’t use nothing about the woman as a means to excuse. If she would have stayed nice, lean and paid you much attention you would have found somewhere else to lay the blame. It’s people like you that makes people like us suspect of most men because I can guarantee any woman you’re dating or seeing right now would never see or know the side you just posted. Like you said you didn’t have the cajones to tell her. What a wuss.

Melo!!

December 15th, 2010
2:45 pm

and not interested in bringing said chics home for us both to enjoy…

:lol: that was funny Swiss!

:lol:

BlackMagicWoman

December 15th, 2010
2:46 pm

Oh word…a lady rescued a cop? Please post the link so I can see! :lol: They need to give her the badge and the gun!

Kelli…girl….I don’t know you. But I sure do not want to see you on, “Snapped”! Woosa girl…woosa!

As far as the “Bag Lady”. She could have gotten her head blown off and a purse is her weapon of choice? My feet would have carried me far and faster than my mind could process. I would NOT try to be the heroine in this instant! And the dude was a lousy shot. He could have taken them all out..at least one and he missed! But I’m with Rell…some fool comes in painting on the wall I will not stay and coverse with this fool. I am out before words come from his lips! All this…and then he took his own life! WTH I know times are tough and people should really think before laying off/firing people. But dayum man! :shock:

i'm swiss™

December 15th, 2010
2:48 pm

Melo — You know how it is. If life gives you lemons… f@#k the lemons. :lol:

SexyCool

December 15th, 2010
2:48 pm

Dan – what YAC said himself “didn’t have the cajones” and what Celisea just said.

Kelli

December 15th, 2010
2:48 pm

@Sexy…I’m no killer…I’m a lover. He knows I wouldn’t kill him if he cheats, but I sure would want to! :-) By the way…I am in therapy to deal with my insecurity and how I handle relationship issues. This guy is a keeper, as long as he doesn’t cheat. I couldn’t forgive him for that.

BlackMagicWoman

December 15th, 2010
2:49 pm

“How does cheating = cowardice?”
Simple…you are too chicken sh*t to just end it. There is MO excuse for cheating! If you do not want to keep to the vows/promise that you made, and you want to h0 around…at least be man/woman enough to put on your big panties/big boy boxers and end it! Stop being a selfish prick and trying to keep someone from finding somebody better than you and that will really love them. Because obviously you don’t if you are cheating!

Luvbug

December 15th, 2010
2:50 pm

I am 100% sure that at least one guy on this earth can cheat and never do it again. I am 100% (95%…90%) sure that I would not stay to find out if my guy is that one guy. So far, I’ve never stayed, but I can think of a few exceptions…a few…only a few…and even those are maybes.

Delight23 ...Heading South for X-Mas

December 15th, 2010
2:50 pm

How does cheating = cowardice?

Too much of a “kitty” to openly state you want to, need to, will be with another.

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
2:50 pm

Stop being a selfish prick and trying to keep someone from finding somebody better than you and that will really love them.

Amen Amen

Lord Velonese

December 15th, 2010
2:51 pm

“Cheating pre-marriage a deal breaker?”

Really??? That should be a no-brainer. Anyone who forgives a cheater deserves the heart-ache that goes with it and more for being a retard.

I wonder who will be the first person to get me banned, so they feel like a big person.

blue©

December 15th, 2010
2:51 pm

theres new people everywhere – im lost now…..

@Princess – withyou on the carols. my buidling actually brings in live musicias, had a lady with a harp today…last week we had carolers, complete in hoop skirts, lol…not quite my style.

czBrat ... last day HOORAY!

December 15th, 2010
2:51 pm

i do believe cheaters can reform, but i think it takes a great loss and the realization that your shenanigans will cost you dearly.
as others have said though, if you’re going to make that mistake while we’re dating i am sooo not interested in pursuing anything deeper.

PN/MO … can yous believe i still get a little ticked every evening when i make it all the way and not one station has played my xmas fave(someday at christmas)? i tell ya. something just aint right with the music this year.

thanx for sharing rell. i don’t seem to run into you much on here, so i appreciate you re-telling your ‘old news’ for me.

SexyCool

December 15th, 2010
2:51 pm

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
2:53 pm

Lord V – I wonder who will be the first person to get me banned, so they feel like a big person.

This is “take responsibility” day. If you get banned you did it.

SexyCool

December 15th, 2010
2:54 pm

And.. the other thing about that story…the dude that was beating the cop down was 64 years old…and he was getting it IN…(lol)

czBrat ... last day HOORAY!

December 15th, 2010
2:54 pm

LMAO @ How does cheating = cowardice?”
Simple…you are too chicken sh*t to just end it.

simple indeed! :lol:

blue, i aint gone lie. that would drive me straight nuts.

Melo!!

December 15th, 2010
2:54 pm

Kelli?

forgive me in advance coz I’ve never been in therapy but…
how do they(therapist) advise u to handle ur insecurity…what do they say u must/ought to do?

PrincessNik

December 15th, 2010
2:55 pm

Blue, some are new, some are vets who only post every blue moon.

about the carolers, i would probably have my office door closed all day LOL I can’t even imagine

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
2:57 pm

blue – Lord Velonese reminds me of Schleprock (sp)…he use to post one “be doomed” post a day. I sort of miss him.

Derby

December 15th, 2010
2:58 pm

BlackMagicWoman

December 15th, 2010
2:49 pm
“How does cheating = cowardice?”
Simple…you are too chicken sh*t to just end it. There is MO excuse for cheating! If you do not want to keep to the vows/promise that you made, and you want to h0 around…at least be man/woman enough to put on your big panties/big boy boxers and end it! Stop being a selfish prick and trying to keep someone from finding somebody better than you and that will really love them. Because obviously you don’t if you are cheating!

Tha Truth!!!!

Dan - Simply...Superior

December 15th, 2010
2:58 pm

@Ladies

I personally don’t feel this way (anymore), but

there are those that can have a sexual need fulfilled by one (or more women) and yet only be emotionally fulfilled by one woman.

In these situation, why would I [sic] leave?

Think about it, I [sic] love the one I’m with, play with the other one’s, and don’t have to leave the I’m [sic] with.

Lord Velonese

December 15th, 2010
2:58 pm

Celisea-It is not my fault that folks get butt-hurt over my opinions.

SexyCool

December 15th, 2010
3:00 pm

Dan – because you are [sic].