Cheating pre-marriage a deal breaker?
I’ve noticed that a lot men that I have talked to about their exes who cheated on them rarely continue the relationship. It pretty much makes her off limits for anything more than hooking up. One guy even said that if she cheated before he even thought of marriage, she would probably do it again after marriage.
Do you believe that a person is not marriage material if they were unfaithful to you while you were dating? Is fair to hold that against a person who may have changed and learned from their mistakes?
Should cheating in marriage be compared to cheating on someone you are dating?
Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Blog
accessAtlanta Partner Sites
Sections
Advertise on accessAtlanta.com »
Reach the audience you want by advertising on accessAtlanta.com
Join the Access Atlanta Network »
Advertisers and Publishers, expand your reach by joining the Access Atlanta Network.
Tell us what you think about the site
Visitor Agreement | Privacy Statement | About our ads
© 2013 The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
358 comments Add your comment
czBrat ... last day HOORAY!
December 15th, 2010
1:17 pm
melo, i think i might have been hurt but not enough to break up our family. the fact that it happened during the marriage was way more offensive to me.
let me pose a question to the blog that we recently discussed over a grown-folks dinner. which would bother you more … s/o cheating with random individuals (one-nighters) or a continuous affair?
Melo!!
December 15th, 2010
1:21 pm
cz?
only a woman ponders over ur question like that,1.17!…too too analytical, u females.
to a man,she cheated,it’s over!
PrincessNik
December 15th, 2010
1:23 pm
Oh and by the way..the only other cheek I am turning is my a$$ so the loser can kiss it as I walk out!
BMW, that made me hollar!!, made me think of Nicole Parker in Kings Ransom, Classic
czBrat ... last day HOORAY!
December 15th, 2010
1:24 pm
ahhh, but melo, the men had lots to say about it too. just curious.
Melo!!
December 15th, 2010
1:32 pm
Vickery’s and Sambuca closed?!
Nickiemoto too?
now that’s something….hmpf
Leggs
December 15th, 2010
1:37 pm
@czB ~ interested to know what the consensus was around the table. I’m looking at the word “continuous”. Whether it’s continuous with one person or continuous with multiple one-nights, its CONTINUOUS. Both are weighed the same to me!
BB
December 15th, 2010
1:38 pm
A ho is ho and she got to go!
AmazonRed™
December 15th, 2010
1:41 pm
Amred – Do you think you would still try to make your marriage work if your husband gave you an STD or fathered an outside baby?
kimmie – It depends, but probably not. There is cheating, and there are affairs. Also the outside kid/ STD speaks to wreckless cheating. I don’t think I could be good with a man who clearly wasn’t thinking about his well being, let alone mine.
That being said, there is an outside child in my extended family. Both of the cheaters were married to other people, so the woman and her husband raised the kid as their own. Definitely a different period back then…
AmazonRed™
December 15th, 2010
1:42 pm
Chocolate Pink closed too.
Rell - 23 months to retirement
December 15th, 2010
1:43 pm
off-topic…..did you guys see the real life falling down….is this what we have come to…extreme televised REAL violence and mayhem…..i blame it on youtbue and worldstarhiphop
Celisea
December 15th, 2010
1:43 pm
which would bother you more … s/o cheating with random individuals (one-nighters) or a continuous affair?
I’d be equally irked. One nighters would indicate to me you’re a nasty joker with no regard for my body nor yours nor me and really why go through the motions of a steady when you can do your thing and get on out there.
For an affair, that would signal to me there’s more going on there than just sex. I see that as a “relationship” outside your committed or marriage and the fact that you thought you could have “several committed relationships” would have me blind with fury
cba
December 15th, 2010
1:43 pm
Random ?? If you are sitting behind a desk and someone ten feet away points a gun at you; will you try to negotiate with gunman or dive your azz under the desk?? If this had been the Atl school board, all azzes under desk. OK, I’m done
AmazonRed™
December 15th, 2010
1:44 pm
Thanks for the belated wishes Dan.
Leggs
December 15th, 2010
1:46 pm
@cba ~ not sure I would have remained sitting. It would have be fabulous if she had swung her purse a little harder actually knocking the gun out his hand.
SexyCool
December 15th, 2010
1:47 pm
Kelli – if I was your dude, I would probably get dahell on. ijs…
Rell – are you talking about the *game* that kids play running through real neighborhoods with fake guns and chasing each other in cars?
Cheater
December 15th, 2010
1:49 pm
Kelli – ur 1:09, are you serious? All this talk about cheating, not cheating… He is going to cheat again, of course he is not going to say that, but believe it’s going to happen. Then again, you know him better than anyone else on this blog, what does your gut/heart tell you?
SexyCool
December 15th, 2010
1:50 pm
Leggs – that swinging the purse thing was crazy. You mean to tell me, you walked out the room and the best weapon you could come back with was a purse?!?
cba
December 15th, 2010
1:51 pm
What if the gunman had been a big black man rather than a big swiss man??
Rell - 23 months to retirement
December 15th, 2010
1:51 pm
@sc…i am talking about the nut that shot up the school board meeting….now that is CRAZY….
cheating bothers me period and if it happen to me now i would just bounce…no need to wonder
Sweet Pea
December 15th, 2010
1:52 pm
Oh and by the way..the only other cheek I am turning is my a$$ so the loser can kiss it as I walk out!
Hilarious…A visual>>>>priceless!!
Rell - 23 months to retirement
December 15th, 2010
1:55 pm
@cba…if you watch the video the light skin brother…was the first to hit the ground..it was one dude still sitting down when the shots started going off…i was like wow…when i seen the dude spray painting the wall that would have been my cue…i mean middle of the day – school meeting this dude gets up and starts to paint on the wall…yep exit stage left.
Porta Pottie
December 15th, 2010
1:56 pm
Love is a dangerous game! When dating; there are no promises and no guarantees. One of the main reasons you marry someone is to ‘cement’ a monogamous relationship. What you calling ‘cheating’ in the dating relationship is actually ‘playing the field’ and that’s perfectly fair as long as you’re not endangering your partner with promiscious or unsafe sexual behavior. Both partners sgould be upfront to each other that ‘open’ dating is ok from the start…
Leggs
December 15th, 2010
1:57 pm
@SexyC ~ and she fell like a rag doll. Looks like she was so frightened she lost her own balance. Perhaps that alcove only had the walls and nothing else to use as a weapon. She probably thought if she walked away to get an actual weapon she would have lost precious time and her colleagues may have been killed.
Dingbat
December 15th, 2010
1:58 pm
@cba
what are you implying asking if had been a “big black man” rather than a white man? you know the answer he’d be in a body bag and thrown so far under the jail that he could feel the flames
czBrat ... last day HOORAY!
December 15th, 2010
2:02 pm
wow. and i just mentioned to s/o how much i liked nickiemoto’s back in the day. are they already defunct or do we have time for a fond farewell meal?
the convo was really interesting to me, leggs. i was hoping for more responses here but looks like that may not happen. at the discussion, everyone clearly stated any kind of infidelity is unacceptable, but the women were more bothered by the one-nighters and the men moreso by the affair. that was exactly opposite what i expected.
thanx to those who chimed in.
free2be
December 15th, 2010
2:03 pm
@sexycool….nice poem! i really liked it.:)
Sweet Pea
December 15th, 2010
2:03 pm
No someone that cheated before the marriage and 20 years later still cheating and fathered a child during the union so I feel once a cheater always a cheater applies to some but not to everyone. You have some that grow up and others who remain who they are…INMATURE and/or the new definition>>>Se!@ Addict!
Other issues within a marriage can be resolvable, however cheating is the something that I can’t imagine getting over…GOOD RIDDANCE
The show SNAPPED should be a reality check to keep us all in check!
There is a think line between sanity and insanity!!!!!
Happy Birthday ARED!
Rell - 23 months to retirement
December 15th, 2010
2:03 pm
i bet the superident will be a hero by the end of the week…credited with talking to the gunman and keeping the focus on himself….he was an idiot…i would have said…What what you going to do tat…what you think you ron o’neal or something….you better…LMAO
Sweet Pea
December 15th, 2010
2:03 pm
oops meant to say KNOW not NO
Leggs
December 15th, 2010
2:04 pm
@czB ~ awww, today is your last day. Why on a Wednesday and not a Friday?
2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"
December 15th, 2010
2:05 pm
lady with the purse shoulda got shot….just for being stupid! Now, the local paper is heralding her as a hero….da hell….
Leggs
December 15th, 2010
2:05 pm
@czB ~ Also, one nighters (no matter how many) may be easier to take for some. To actually have an emotional connection with someone other than your mate is a hard pill to swallow!
Rell - 23 months to retirement
December 15th, 2010
2:06 pm
@Czbratz….when i was cheated on…the details matter to me more than me finding out…i wanted to know what she did…i talked to the dude…i asked him “did you c in her face”…he was like dude you are crazy…my response….how crazy would i be if i was in front of your house asking you this..with my wife’s car in your driveway…..yeah bench..come outside….long story short…the “folks” where called on me and i as asked to leave….guess what…wifey stayed….so yeah….
Leggs
December 15th, 2010
2:06 pm
@Rell ~
you would have said ZILCH…
cba
December 15th, 2010
2:08 pm
Of course Dingbat but my other implied point is, had he been black, he would have been considered threatening way before he pulled the gun.
The guy supposedly upset because his wife had been fired, yet he had served time for shooting at her.
Leggs
December 15th, 2010
2:08 pm
@Rell ~ the entire scene sounds crazy…
Oh My
December 15th, 2010
2:09 pm
“did you c in her face”…
oh my, i’m speechless
Oh My
December 15th, 2010
2:10 pm
i wouldn’t have chased the heffa.
2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"
December 15th, 2010
2:12 pm
My dudes……is an ass-whoopin justified if you catch your girl cheating?
ladies, I know what y’all gon’ say, so don’t even bother….
PrincessNik
December 15th, 2010
2:12 pm
blue
how’s it coming with the desk?
Melo!!
December 15th, 2010
2:13 pm
they kept sitting proly they just thought dude was too inept to shoot..folks with weight issues have neg vibes stacked against them
and he ‘missed’…as if to prove the point!
2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"
December 15th, 2010
2:13 pm
“whoop dat trick, get ‘em…..whoop dat trick!”
SexyCool
December 15th, 2010
2:14 pm
What tripped me out on GMA this morning is the story about the chick suing McDonald’s cause she doesn’t want to have to deal with telling her kid that she can’t have a happy meal…whatdahell?
Leggs
December 15th, 2010
2:15 pm
AmazonRed™
December 15th, 2010
2:15 pm
Thanks Sweet Pea!
Rell - 23 months to retirement
December 15th, 2010
2:15 pm
lol…at the disguised blogger
well i did – and i cant explain why…maybe because i thought thats what i was suppose to do…hmm…i have been outside myself before…this was one of them,……there where other times that was a lil more…intense…funny thing i was calmed and commited to whatever outcome happen…i was in a different mind state!
Leggs
December 15th, 2010
2:16 pm
Naw, not that she’s suing, but she’s not suing for $$.
czBrat ... last day HOORAY!
December 15th, 2010
2:16 pm
leggs, i actually felt the same as the men. i thought at the time that maybe it was because i’d experienced both, but looking back i think most (if not everyone) at that table had surely experienced at least some form of infidelity. so i’m still kinda wondering why i didn’t share the typical woman’s point of view. “typical” based on our very small, informal survey of course.
oh, and technically tomorrow and friday are my last two vacation days so we’re headed outta town for a little “change is a comin” celebration.
rell … hard to believe you went through all that. i guess it really speaks to how much you cared for her. question for you … would you bother seeking answers if that ever happened again?
Mo (aka Moeisha)
December 15th, 2010
2:17 pm
Afternoon All! So whats good people!
SCool – umm yeah I saw that chick this morning. How about you just dont go the Mcdonalds or any other fast food establishment cause damn near all of them have a happy meal type thing for kids with toys or snacks. GEESH!
Cheater
December 15th, 2010
2:17 pm
2C – To ans your question, it depends on where the cheating happened. In my house, she is getting stomped out. Anywhere else, if she cheats, then that’s on her and I am out. No need to whoop that azz, just leave it alone …