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Cheating pre-marriage a deal breaker?

I’ve noticed that a lot men that I have talked to about their exes who cheated on them rarely continue the relationship. It pretty much makes her off limits for anything more than hooking up. One guy even said that if she cheated before he even thought of marriage, she would probably do it again after marriage.

Do you believe that a person is not marriage material if they were unfaithful to you while you were dating? Is fair to hold that against a person who may have changed and learned from their mistakes?

Should cheating in marriage be compared to cheating on someone you are dating?

Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Blog

358 comments Add your comment

SexyCool

December 15th, 2010
10:51 am

DreamsMat – I took back a cheater…against my better judgement. Needless to say, it was a behavior pattern that did not change.

For me, having the experience that I did, cheating is a deal-breaker. Period. That is all.

Delight23 ...Heading South for X-Mas

December 15th, 2010
10:52 am

Actually the double standard I was thinking of is when a man cheat he is wrong but when a woman cheats she is expected to be forgiven because the man did something to “make her” cheat.

:?: Where, Bizarro World :?:

Purple Rain

December 15th, 2010
10:54 am

Delight, LOL you think like a dude

TenderRoni

December 15th, 2010
10:55 am

I have a femaile friend, who is married. she been married like 5 or 7 years. I used to work with her. Any ho…she always talked about a guy she was in a relationship, about the bed room activity and sorts. She pretty much fantastied about him a lot…is that cheating?

Its a saying (i think)…if you thought it, you might as well have done it..something like that

Beautiful

December 15th, 2010
10:55 am

imo men cant take a chick back cause he is visualizing her spreading her legs. me… i couldnt take him back cause i visualized him doing my fav things to her and that pissed me off! that what hurt me the most. i was the only one who was suppose to have that amazing feeling. now my whole way of thinking regarding cheating has chgd.

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
10:56 am

Too, if you take back a cheater, rather than remorseful (not begging to get back in), they’ll only turn to believe they got away with it and next thing you know, there he goes again. Rule to live by: NEVER take back a cheater.

SexyCool

December 15th, 2010
10:58 am

TendorRoni – While I do agree that it starts with a thought, I am still of the opinion that until you’ve done it, it ain’t done.

TenderRoni

December 15th, 2010
10:59 am

@Beautiful on your 10:55- I’m the same way. It does feel special anymore idk

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

December 15th, 2010
11:00 am

“imo men cant take a chick back cause he is visualizing her spreading her legs.”

yep….as Melo would say, his wang might be bigger than mine…and just thinking how he got my girl all face down, ass up….nah, cain’t deal wit no sh it like that……

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

December 15th, 2010
11:03 am

hell, I was crushed when my 2 of my blog wives divorced me….

SexyCool

December 15th, 2010
11:04 am

If you didn’t get caught, would you still call it cheating? (I kid. I kid.)

TenderRoni

December 15th, 2010
11:05 am

@SexyCool…im really been mild in describing how this chic fantastied about her ex beua..I mean she would be a work talking up dude. I and like lady you are married, what about you hubby> Its almost like if she had the opportunity, I think she would take it old dude. I think she was having problems with hubby.

Purple Rain

December 15th, 2010
11:05 am

SexyCool, LOL

Beautiful

December 15th, 2010
11:05 am

i will of course love my husband but others things that i mentiond wud be more important. ask a couple who have been married for 50 plus years whats the #1 thing. love aint it!

Beautiful

December 15th, 2010
11:08 am

2… who divorced you? two? you cheated on me? when? *tap`n foot* :(

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

December 15th, 2010
11:08 am

so Beautiful….you’re saying you’re “romantically challenged”?….ummm, the fellas and I were discussing this party we’re having sometime next year…..

Delight23 ...Heading South for X-Mas

December 15th, 2010
11:09 am

hell, I was crushed when my 2 of my blog wives divorced me….

I could see that. Not 1 but 2, dayum. 8O

Delight23 ...Heading South for X-Mas

December 15th, 2010
11:10 am

I don’t know SexyCool. Triumph is a self-proclaimed little slore. :lol:

2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"

December 15th, 2010
11:10 am

“2… who divorced you? two? you cheated on me? when?”

see, this is what happens when you take an unexcused leave of absence….on this lovely blog of ours, we had blog weddings…I had 4 wives, now I’m down to 2…..

kimmie

December 15th, 2010
11:10 am

Morning folks!

I am inclined to go with Celisea’s 10:14 – call it what it is. Falling back on the old disclaimer “not married yet” won’t work.

I want to clarify some things, especially before 4Real gets in here. Sleeping with someone else, going outside the relationship, when the 2 of you have agreed to be exclusive is what I’m understanding to be “cheating while dating”. Cause 4Real said “cheating” only occurs when you are married. Until marriage all bets are off, some believe.

I’m sorry, but past behavior usually is a preview to future behavior. If you gotta step out even though we are committed to each other and you are getting it regularly just as if we were newlyweds, there is something not quite right. That’s a Ga Dome sized red flag.

People can change, yes. But as I’ve said before, go “rehabilitate” with someone else!

Beautiful

December 15th, 2010
11:12 am

tenderoni… women are suckers for flattery. thats how they are suckd in.

Purple Rain

December 15th, 2010
11:12 am

Is staying quiet while 2CPTG is sending out party invitations. LOL

D Dub of the MSP (formerly of the ATL)

December 15th, 2010
11:12 am

Good morning bloggers! I know I haven’t blogged in a VERY long time, but I had to take a moment and speak on this topic because it hits about as close to home as anything could ever. I now live in Minneapolis because I moved to get married… for a little more than a month I have been officially divorced.

I am fully willing to accept what part I played in my failed marriage, however the utmost important thing is this – I remained true to my vows that I said before God and my family and friends. She did not. Turns out she was sleeping with a married coworker before we even got married – whenever I went out of town, she brought the dude to the house.

So my answer to today’s question is this – if you can’t keep your eyes and other body parts in the relationship before the rings get involved, I have absolutely no reason to believe that you won’t do it again – Consistency + Time = Trust, and if you jack up your “relationship credit report” with me, best believe I will have a hard time investing myself into you again after that.

Leggs

December 15th, 2010
11:13 am

@SweatPea/Beautiful ~ thanks, I had a blast.

@PR ~ you say it wouldn’t phase you if the woman you cheated on has extracurricular activities on the side because you’re not putting much into her other than your wang. Cool. Many women have to care before sexing. Not many of us sex for the hell of sexing. Men get all bent out of shape when she cheats and immediately kicks her to the curb, but wants more chances when she finds out he did the same…BS!

kimmie

December 15th, 2010
11:14 am

Oh, and yeah, I took back a cheater once years ago. And that’s all I’ll say about that.

And yes, I did cheat once while in a so-called relationship. Yeah, I’ll use the double standard, Purple. He wouldn’t give it up so I got it from someone else. And I don’t regret it.

SexyCool

December 15th, 2010
11:16 am

Leggs – I call that the ability to disassociate from the wang. In some, it is stronger than in others. Shthead used to say that for him it was like working out. I should have run like hell then.

Leggs

December 15th, 2010
11:17 am

@D Dub ~ WOW. Sorry you’re going through what you’re going through. I don’t understand why people have to cheat! Why are people so freaking greedy and wanting O.P.P.???

Beautiful

December 15th, 2010
11:17 am

2… romantically challenged? and ninja you didnt answer my freakn question!!! who are the two? 3000 miles away and i still cant truss you. smh.

Purple Rain

December 15th, 2010
11:18 am

kimmie, (rubbing your head and messing up your hair) Love you, and thank you for being honest :)

Leggs

December 15th, 2010
11:18 am

@SexyC ~ I know that wasn’t meant to make me laugh, but it did. Guess it’s to my detriment that I can’t dissaociate!!!

Leggs

December 15th, 2010
11:20 am

People are so free with their love these days. Guess the free love of the 60’s are coming back!

SexyCool

December 15th, 2010
11:20 am

Leggs – I found it pretty funny myself.

Purple Rain

December 15th, 2010
11:21 am

Leggs, I am on speaking from this man’s point of view. I refute you theory..just as many men are caring before sex just like some women are. And there are the same amount of women who have sex quick just like a guy does so that all women car before sex is bull. It’s not gender specific people want what they want, some are just more disciplined.

Beautiful

December 15th, 2010
11:21 am

hello Kimmie! =)

Dan - Simply...Superior

December 15th, 2010
11:21 am

There’s something to be said for disassociating the physical and the mental.

Though, it’s a futhamucker when them joints get tied….

BlackMagicWoman

December 15th, 2010
11:22 am

“Hmmmmm, so no one ever took back a cheater, or cheated and then got taken back?”
HELLZ NO!!!!!! :lol:

““imo men cant take a chick back cause he is visualizing her spreading her legs.””
Well how am I supposed to not think about you give her the c00chie snacks…then kissing me with same lips???? :shock: NOPE! Goodbye cheater!!!

PrincessNik

December 15th, 2010
11:23 am

Good Morning!

Cheating………..

Yes, I have taken back a cheater, wouldn’t do it again, knowing what i know now.

Yes, I have been the cheater

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
11:27 am

Well how am I supposed to not think about you give her the c00chie snacks…then kissing me with same lips????

Now that was funny. Yes, it’s just as mental for a woman as a man. All the things you say and do to me, you doing (if not more) and saying to her? Naw, I can’t do it.

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
11:28 am

Broken trust is a beast to overcome.

blue©

December 15th, 2010
11:28 am

in and out today…
@Celisea – 1046:that could very well be it, they know just how far they would go given the chance and cant settle the image in their heads…funny tho, do they think women have no minds eye? cant picture them with some other chick the way they picture her with the other dude?
@PR – looking for confessions? yes i have. actually did with mr.blue way back when…and he still married me…hmmmm….
@Delight – Bizarro World, thats funny….
@Princess – come help me clean my desk, its all tore up :(

kimmie

December 15th, 2010
11:29 am

Hey Ms Beautiful! Feliz Navidad!

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
11:29 am

….and yes, for me, if you cheat, EVERYTIME you’re out of my presence, that’s where my mind will go. So let’s say cheating did completely kill it, the last of trust it finish it off.

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
11:31 am

blue – Celisea1046:that could very well be it, they know just how far they would go given the chance and cant settle the image in their heads…funny tho, do they think women have no minds eye? cant picture them with some other chick the way they picture her with the other dude?

Yes, exactly. They think they’re the only ones where distrust play head games. Uh uh, I’d rather keep my sanity and move on. Staying with a dude that’s a liar will cause you to age early. No sense in allowing that much damage.

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
11:32 am

didn’t not did

Purple Rain

December 15th, 2010
11:34 am

Man or woman, if you keep having failed relationships or different people continue to cheat on you. Well maybe it’s something about you. LOL

PrincessNik

December 15th, 2010
11:36 am

Blue

here is a tip, don’t mix the whatchamacallits with the thingamajiggies

:lol: ;)

PrincessNik

December 15th, 2010
11:37 am

@ Blue, seriously though i feel ya, we are about to be off for two weeks and i’m determined to leave my desk and in box clean and its a struggle right now LOL.

kimmie

December 15th, 2010
11:37 am

Purple – Make better choices! Sometimes we have to break away from choosing the same “type”.

Celisea

December 15th, 2010
11:40 am

PR – Man or woman, if you keep having failed relationships or different people continue to cheat on you. Well maybe it’s something about you.

I’m going to call BS on this statement. Everybody is responsible for their own actions. This statement is nothing but an excuse for the blame game. Grant it a person might need to up the screening process and ask the right questions but you can’t EVER justify foul behavior.

Derby

December 15th, 2010
11:43 am

Hmmmmm, so no one ever took back a cheater, or cheated and then got taken back?

Yep. I took back a cheater and he continued to cheat. Live and learn :)