Do you need a date or a therapist?
I was a little surprised as I listened to Paul recount his last date with 32 year old Catherine. They had been seeing each other for a few weeks and date # 2 is when things got a little awkward. Paul said that Catherine turned a romantic evening into a “couch session” and talked about a lot of uncomfortable topics.
Things went from bad to worse when she started to cry. Paul is a nice guy so he tried to be a good listener and offer some solace. I don’t think she needs a date, she should hire a therapist instead!
I am not sure if this is common with women lately but a lot of people are probably better off taking a break from dating. There are a lot of single people walking around heart broken and wounded. If you don’t take the time to address your issues, you could end up scaring someone off.
Have you ever met someone who was a little too needy, too soon? What would you do if you were seeing someone and they unloaded some truly heavy emotional stuff?
I think it would be nice to have a person listen to you vent and express your feelings, but do you really want that to happen in the first few weeks of dating? Isn’t that supposed to be the fun part when you are just starting out and are excited to spend time with one another?
P.S. The only tears that should be shed on a second date should be from laughter!
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278 comments Add your comment
blue©
December 13th, 2010
8:58 am
First!!
Morning Peoples!
YesSheIsCute
December 13th, 2010
9:00 am
Good morning everyone! It’s too cold outside! Anyway,
I think most of us have met that person and most of us at one point or another have been that person whether we choose to acknowledge it or not. I’ve met that person quite a few times. Sometimes you think you are ready to date, then you realize on a date you are really not. I’ve had that happen to me. There are different reasons but one thing is for sure I am NOT a therapist nor do I get payed to play on on TV.
Rell - 23 months to retirement
December 13th, 2010
9:07 am
WOW – please tell me that this is a fictional story..lol. Lately I have thought that single mothers should seek some form of counsel. Along with the dudes that leave them….its something mental there..just my .02
Rell - 23 months to retirement
December 13th, 2010
9:11 am
person whether we choose to acknowledge it or not.
- raising my hand….and i still go there…i need my inner circle…and i dont profess to have it all figured out…i learn things daily
Mo (aka Moeisha)
December 13th, 2010
9:15 am
Morning All! Its cold as h3ll outside!! BRRRR!
WD – that is wild! She clearly was not ready to date!
Rell – well dayum Rell! Why the thought on single mothers? Just curious…..
mark
December 13th, 2010
9:16 am
i had a young lady tell me how she was abused as a child and had dated many different men during her life and how she was raped before. and it was our first date. i was like WTF!
JUST WOW
December 13th, 2010
9:17 am
Lately I have thought that single mothers should seek some form of counsel. Along with the dudes that leave them….its something mental there..just my .02
Please don’t start this morning. Yes, it’s probably you and not single mothers. Women who HAVE to do it all are most times tired, struggling and overwhelmed but MENTAL they ain’t. I’d say some child support and dad support would help that not a therapist. That’s about the most ignorant and biased statement I’ve every read! If you think so of all single mothers, what you’re reading to be projected is probably “just you.”
Mo (aka Moeisha)
December 13th, 2010
9:17 am
Oh and I have a friend that fits in the too needy category, she just longs for a relationship and does some of the most questionable stuff ever. Just recently I had to advise her that I didnt want to hear anything about her problems in her relationship b/c she obviously loved it. Nothing was going to change and I couldnt take hearing about the same ish over and over….
blue©
December 13th, 2010
9:24 am
cant imagine going into all my heavy baggage at the beginning of a relationship, never mind on the first date. that would definietly be a deal breaker for me, wouldnt necessary fall in hte too needy category for me tho, maybe in the mental category.
me personally, never got that far on a first date, or anything close to it. one of the biggest complaints from my dating past is that i stay too closed up, too hard to get to. dont need everyone in the world knowing all the things have led to my different quirks lol
Rell - 23 months to retirement
December 13th, 2010
9:26 am
@mo/just wow…its not a diss..i did say the dads as well..those feeling of being left or abandon are deep and should be dealt with…my comment or thought below for the slow folks…RIF…i said all parties involved…lol…but i forgot we cant really get into we need dramatic stuff
“Lately I have thought that single mothers should seek some form of counsel. Along with the dudes that leave them”
Mr_NYC
December 13th, 2010
9:30 am
Good morning all
Yes folks sometimes need to talk things out and a date provides a “captive audience” but that is not the time, unless you want to move thar person out of the potential partner column.
It is a tough situation especially when in this society seeking a therapist’s attention carries a bit of a stigma to it. We all know how the insinuations and muttering starts when someone says they are getting counseling.
JUST WOW
December 13th, 2010
9:32 am
Maybe it’s the ladies you met because I can only think good thoughts of good riddance to bad rubbish. My point – You shouldn’t attach negativity to single parenting, it’s not a doom and gloom to everybody.
AmazonRed™
December 13th, 2010
9:43 am
Morning all -
I think when one starts generalizing entire groups of people, you need a break…or a therapist: “black men are all ___ ” “black women don’t ______” “baby mamas are _____” you get the picture. There is no way you can have so much experience with an entire group of people (that number in the millions) to generalize them all.
I also agree that if you aren’t ready to move on, don’t. No one wants to be strung along because you aren’t ready, yet you don’t want to be lonely!
DreamsMaterialize
December 13th, 2010
9:43 am
Morning
I believe there’s lots of people walking around in need of some form of help and aren’t getting it. And really it’s probably not that these people need help from dating misadventures; moreso for childhood events that are affecting their interactions with people in general, including dating. I went on a few dates with a manic depressive before. At least in that case, the person had gotten help, been diagnosed, and was dealing with the issue appropriately. But what about the person who functions everyday, has never sought help (or refuses to), and thinks everything is ok…much harder to deal with a person like that.
Mo (aka Moeisha)
December 13th, 2010
9:44 am
Rell – lol, dude I didnt take it as a diss, just wondered why you felt that way and I saw that you included the fellas too. Plenty of issues within that realm need to be dealt with but its probably way too many to get into on here. I agree with you, there are some parents that need counseling but oh well…..
JUST WOW – no single parenting isnt all doom and gloom butunfortunately a lot of bad apples have spoiled the bunch. Sad but true….
blue – totally agree with that 924, Im never that comfortable when I go out on a first date to be telling err’thang
JUST WOW
December 13th, 2010
9:46 am
I think when one starts generalizing entire groups of people, you need a break…or a therapist
Funny and so true lol
M. (pronouced M dot)
December 13th, 2010
9:49 am
I agree that we have to many people who dont know when they should
Not be dating. Alot of people especially some women have a “the way to.get over an old man is to get under a new one” which really hasn’t gotten them to far. Its ok to not be dating sometimes.
AmazonRed™
December 13th, 2010
9:54 am
I don’t think I’ve ever taken a straight up break, but I do slow down. Your blessing can come at anytime, but you have to be receptive to it. So I can say since my last break up, I’ve been open, but I’m not going to put in any extra effort to make it work. Like the guy who never calls and only texts. He could be the one…but I doubt it with the lack of effort on his part. Or the guy you give your number to and never uses it. Like, what would I look like putting in work, when he isn’t? If you can’t even get basic communication going, it’s not going to bode well for anything else.
MissMoni
December 13th, 2010
9:55 am
@ Dreams: Your 9:43 was on point!
I have been in the counseling field for years and I agree that there are so many NEGATIVE stigmas attached to it. There is nothing wrong with a person seeking PROFESSIONAL help for issues that they can’t seem to solve on their own. It’s the equivalent of talking to a best friend, but a disclosure statement is signed & there’s also the legal clause of CONFIDENTIALITY. So there’s actually more PRIVACY & UNBIASED assistance.
Kym #43
December 13th, 2010
9:57 am
Good Morning All,
I think I might be able to get in two post today..it’s early yet.
I agree..if you are in recovery mode..then it is best to not date..work on you..and keep moving forward..as AmazonR said stringing someone else along because misery needs company..not a good look. I would also like to agree with Just Wow on the single mama comments.
TenderRoni
December 13th, 2010
10:03 am
@Rell- seriously to generalize single mothers, even the men, comeon!
@AmazonRed- You’re on point with your posts this cold morning.
Celisea
December 13th, 2010
10:04 am
If you are the walking wounded,then no you shouldn’t date. You should take the time to heal or take the necessary steps for getting the help you need. I personally don’t believe you can date and avoid those issues spilling over into your possibility. I don’t think I’ve dated the walking wounded or at least nothing that’s been shared but I have dated someone that really could have benefited from professional help.
czBrat
December 13th, 2010
10:04 am
HiYas!
i kinda see Rell’s point. the last guy i dated told me that i made too many negative comments about my ex having no involvement with our kids. in fact, i was usually complimenting HIM for being a hands-on father … but at the same time i’d contrast him with my kids’ father. i think he took that to be entirely too creepy.
standing O on Dreams 9:43 too!
Hey blue! Hi Kym!
Kym #43
December 13th, 2010
10:06 am
@czBrat..good morning lady!! Hope you had an outstanding weekend!.
blue©
December 13th, 2010
10:06 am
@Mr_NYC – “captive audience” – scary and funny at the same time. seen folks pull that, and somehow their “victim” for lack of a better word being overwhlemed and deciding to move on seems to play into their heads alond with whatever issue was tripping them out in the first place, as if the intended let them down somehow. no, you just went MENTAL for a moment and scared them off….
@Dreams – id agree, the stats on folks who really could use some therapy vs. the amount of folks who actually get it, probably staggering.
Da_Man!
December 13th, 2010
10:09 am
Let’s just be real … “Ready to move on to dating again” is somewhat relative. A year, a month, a decade??? Plus, it’s only a small minority that practice the sit still mode and they usually don’t know until a bad date occurs.
To me there are just some things that aren’t for dicussion when dating, It doesn’t matter what date # you are on. If you feel or think dating a particular someone is going to transition to something more serious then you should prepare to “let the cat outta the bag”.
Men are ready to move on when the next big donk with nice ta-ta’s walk by …
Women are ready to move on when they see the Ex with a ugly chick.
czBrat
December 13th, 2010
10:10 am
@ kym, i sure did. i’m even looking forward to this short week before a little getaway to celebrate my new job. i’m so happy i don’t even mind the cold.
how are you & lil man? how many qvc deliveries have you racked up so far? LOL
blue©
December 13th, 2010
10:12 am
@cz – Morning!!! heard any of these scaredy cats down here complaining about the “snow” lmao?
Fion
December 13th, 2010
10:14 am
What would you do if you were seeing someone and they unloaded some truly heavy emotional stuff?
This is a trick question, right?
Kym #43
December 13th, 2010
10:16 am
@czbrat..me and lil man are doing well..I only had two delievries from the Q this holiday season and I sending one back today…I got one of those e-readers horrible..horrible..I am just gonna stick with the Kindle. Congrats on the new job!! That is wonderful!
2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"
December 13th, 2010
10:18 am
g’morning….
Hell, I need a date and a therapist!
i'm swiss™
December 13th, 2010
10:19 am
“There is no way you can have so much experience with an entire group of people (that number in the millions) to generalize them all.”
ARed — You’re absolutely right. No place for generalizations. Although, having said that… white boys who like to post on dating blogs under monikers containing the word “swiss” really know how to rock your world in the bedroom. Just sayin’…
blue©
December 13th, 2010
10:20 am
@cz – Congratulations!
Mo (aka Moeisha)
December 13th, 2010
10:21 am
blue/Dreams – so co-signing this “the stats on folks who really could use some therapy vs. the amount of folks who actually get it, probably staggering”.
Celisea
December 13th, 2010
10:23 am
I don’t think there’s a hardline rule that you can’t or shouldn’t talk or have dialog….I think though timing is key and knowing just how much to divuldge. If it’s things you can both have a good laugh and makes for dialog…I’d say chat away. I think it just depends on your level of comfort with that person and if you can guage whether or not it’s a good time and if they can received. You may find some common ground that would bring you closer and together. On the flip side, if you’ve experienced (or created) “crazy outlandish” behavior then no…seek help, get it resolved and get past it.
Celisea
December 13th, 2010
10:24 am
“closer together” not “closer and together”
Rell - 23 months to retirement
December 13th, 2010
10:25 am
I wonder how women feel when a dude leaves them with a child…is that a positive feeling….what about the dude that comes after that….will he have to deal with something related to that situation…just wondering…tenderroni….i dont think that is a generalization
I wonder who men feel when they leave a prego chick…..I wonder how they feel when they are marketing themselves as”men” or “good men” when you basically just disrespected a family by leaving there love one in a crazy place…..or i wonder how the women they date feel knowing this dude has kids on the other side of town…please tell me tenderroni..these questions are made up on just general sterotypes…
czBrat
December 13th, 2010
10:28 am
thanx hun!
blue, i still marvel at the urgent news coverage. the way they send reporters all over the place to capture live shots of innocent flakes fluttering about. but i follow the “when in rome” principle; if ya’ll feel like the city needs to shut down over this, i’m more than willing to take the day off and stay by the fire.
Melo!!
December 13th, 2010
10:29 am
Hope y’all had a nice weekend!
Anybody needing prof therapy due to dating woes,whether they seek it or don’t,I would avoid. Cox what is therapy gon do? Build up their confidence and help them handle breakups better?
I can’t deal with such wimps.
And they are easy to detect,even on a first date,pouting about exes,loud masking that low self esteem or just angry unnecessarily.
You date one,u assure itself of being the next victim if that low self esteem.
Why is it some people can’t handle the things that come with everyday dating?
Like break ups?
I am whatever you say I am
December 13th, 2010
10:30 am
I think that after you go thru your dating experiences….learn from it.
Take a look at what happened and the part you played, try not to gor thru the exact same thing wiht someone else, but most importantly don’t put men/women in the same box or look at everyone as someone that will hurt you.
Get over your issues before you involve someone else on a romantic level. Be honest and upfront with the person you meet at the before a relationship even occurs instead of waiting till a break up to explain.
Over time (and this did not take long to learn at all), I’ve learned to be a good listener. On dates, I let the person speak and I learn a great deal. I keep my mouth shut and my eyes and ears open. It’s amazing what people will tell you when you allow them.
Sure it stinks when you are on a first date with a guy whom you think is all that and after the date you realie it will be a cold day in hell before you go on a second date with that person but what would you rather have finding out earlier on or spending months or years with a train wreck?
Melo!!
December 13th, 2010
10:31 am
Coz
u address urself …of that low self esteem
I am whatever you say I am
December 13th, 2010
10:32 am
sorry for my typos and grammatical errors.
It is cold as heck in my building and my fingers are frozen.
This does not allow for an enjoyable typing experience.
I am whatever you say I am
December 13th, 2010
10:34 am
“…Hell, I need a date and a therapist!….”
LOL: date a therapist just make sure she is not your therapist.
Anyone notice therapist stands for the rapist?
TenderRoni
December 13th, 2010
10:38 am
Rell, your 9:07 posts presented a generalization: “single mothers should seek some form of counsel. Along with the dudes that leave them..”
were your 10:25 is direct to a woman or man. and not saying all single mothers and the dudes that leave them.
Your statements/questions make your point clearer in the 10:25 post
YourThoughts
December 13th, 2010
10:40 am
I agree, some folks should sit out of the dating scene after a bad break-up.
Question: In this economy, would you tell a man (or woman) if you recently were downsized on a first or second date? What about online “getting to know you” conversations? When is it appropriate to mention your employment status – especially when everybody is asking the infamous question – What do you do? Would revealing you are recently unemployed (due to no fault of your own) suggest you need a therapist or a networking opportunity?
Sassy Me..11 days til MY birthday :-)
December 13th, 2010
10:41 am
Anyone notice therapist stands for the rapist?
Luvbug
December 13th, 2010
10:41 am
… do you really want that to happen in the first few weeks of dating? Isn’t that supposed to be the fun part when you are just starting out and are excited to spend time with one another?
Yes! Be you. I would hate to know that someone is hiding all his baggage to unleash it on me at some later date. I consider the first stage the learning stage…although I would like it to be fun.
blue©
December 13th, 2010
10:41 am
@Rell – i understand what you’re saying, doesnt apply to all single parents, but imo a decent percentage. as far as the woman left with the child, does new guy have to deal with it? been there, done that, midget boy blue was like 6 months old, bad split from his dad, when mr.blue and i started back together. and yes he got caught with my insecurities, male bashing, and fear that the boy would end up with some kind of daddy issue over the whole arrangement. for the most part he handled it well, and i didnt get as bad as some women ive come across, but the whole business can be ugly. honestly, therapy mightve helped lol
@cz – im with you on that one. came in this morning to my coworker saying she had debated calling out today, didnt want to get stuck trying to drive in teh snow? im like WTH???
Melo!!
December 13th, 2010
10:46 am
YourThoughts!
if your funds are low and your ego is down,why date..
If you are unemployed,but u got paper,unemployed or not, it don’t matter,u do u…
I bet u won’t even need to ask that question,in my view
abc
December 13th, 2010
10:48 am
The criers are an automatic DQ. Chicks with either way excessive baggage and drama, or outright emotional problems, can assume that men aren’t going to sign up for that kind of thing, unless they’re so hard up they’d be willing to deal with it — for a short while, at least.