Dating dilemma: Relationship staleness
You know the moment your hot new romance takes a nosedive? When one or both of you let things get stale. When the novelty wears off and you become completely comfortable with one another, it’s natural that things slip into some degree of..well boredom.
This happens to every couple at some point. There is no need to panic and do something stupid like break up or go hook up with someone else. If you are committed to making the relationship last, you have to spice things up!
I know a lot of single people that have a fear of marriage because they believe they would be bored to tears after the first five years. Whether you are dating or married, there will have to be some kind of “work” involved to keep your relationship from getting stale.
Do you ever worry about boredom and staleness in your relationship or marriage? How would you handle that if it were to happen to you?
Should you be willing to do anything, within reason, to get things red hot again? I’m not a huge fan of relationship rules but I would not mind some kind of rule about keeping things hot, what do you think?
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236 comments Add your comment
I am whatever you say I am
December 2nd, 2010
8:37 am
First! Bwahahahaha!
2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"
December 2nd, 2010
8:37 am
g’morning…..
“Do you ever worry about boredom and staleness in your relationship or marriage? How would you handle that if it were to happen to you?”
’til death do you part……..boredom, excitement, etc…..that’s what you signed up for, so ummm, deal with it.
I am whatever you say I am
December 2nd, 2010
8:38 am
unlocks door, enters security alarm, turn on lights…
*pause* wait a minute, let me put my pimpin in it..
Hold up!
Why is there political proganda everywhere. OMG!!! Bush for president flyers????? DA Hell!!!!
blue©
December 2nd, 2010
8:38 am
and here i thought i was first…what a difference a “refresh” makes….
Morning Peoples!!
I am whatever you say I am
December 2nd, 2010
8:42 am
As much as I do want to get married, I have this fear of becoming a boring married couple.
I’m a Scorpio so you know if things get stale in the bed room, I might have to light that bed on fire
That is one area where I require excitement and not the same ole same ole.
Hopefully, whomever I marry will allow me to install a pole in our home so we can have fun
I think that once you are married, you can’t forget to have fun. You have to set time for me time, us time, and time for kids. Balance is key.
I am whatever you say I am
December 2nd, 2010
8:42 am
Morning Blue. Croissant?
Rell - Happy Player's Day
December 2nd, 2010
8:48 am
People with no imagination get bored…shelfish people also. There is more to dating/relationship..then what we are going to do over the weekend…How about planning for your future…how about setting goals for your relationship…take a trip…step outside your comfort zone and do something…how about stop running all your relationship highlights to everyone looking for support or kudos…for some when they dont have something to talk about to there “friends” then they get bored….whats funny life is routine..you cant escape…you wake up…wash..eat..go to work/school..come home..you get the idea…I still smh at some that need constant entertainment but have no life plan other than to get married…my question is then what?
I am whatever you say I am
December 2nd, 2010
8:53 am
My annoying coworker is here . UGH!!!
This chick enters work everyday with a marching band and a ticker tape parade.
Most someone be that loud in the morning! And it’s worse when they have to emulate Nicki Minaj’s voice.
blue©
December 2nd, 2010
8:57 am
Morning I Am, i think i’ll take you up on the croissant…feeling a little rumbly in my tummy this morning….
reationships going stale, most certainly does happen, mr.blue and i been hitched 11 years now, and there are times where the routine of kids and work takes its toll. i dont wanna hear (again) the story of how your brother tricked you into biting an onion saying it was an apple. you dont wanna hear (again) about the time i melted my mom pjs in the microwave. so yes, time to start milling the mind over on how to get out of the rut, and imo its the responsibility of both parties to put effort into it, not just one and the other is along for the ride
I am whatever you say I am
December 2nd, 2010
8:57 am
Rell I agree with you.
A perfect marriage for me would be one in which we plan for our feature,have fun with each other, sex is the bomb, stimulating conversation, laughs for day, tears but we work thru it (and not everyday).
Just basically….you go thru life with this person and you enjoy every moment: the good, the bad, the ugly.
I am hopeful that maybe I can find that person that I can grow old with and change each other’s depends
I am whatever you say I am
December 2nd, 2010
8:57 am
typo: I meant to say future
I am whatever you say I am
December 2nd, 2010
8:58 am
“…the time i melted my mom pjs in the microwave…..”
Blue, explain woman!
Rell - Happy Player's Day
December 2nd, 2010
9:03 am
@IAM..actually its not that hard..its only hard when you dont want the tasks of living..of course you have to work…of course you have to care for the kids…but there is also time for yourself..dont ask just take it…you can craft the life you want..its not hard….the time for action is now
blue©
December 2nd, 2010
9:11 am
got one of these breakfast bowl things this morning, OMG the salt is gonna kill me, i think i feel my blood pressure rising just from the couple of bites i had….ughhh.
@Rell – People with no imagination get bored…shelfish people also – id agree with you here. you have to use your imagination to come up with new things to keep the excitiment up…and for those people that are all stuck in their ways, no room to try new things for the person you profess to love and care for, imo that would be selfish. the other person should mean enough to you to at least try.
I am whatever you say I am
December 2nd, 2010
9:12 am
Tips of the day:
1) Smile-it confuses people. Especially the ones that don’t like you
2) Those that require attention-don’t give it to them. It drives them crazy when you never speak to them but you speak to everyone around them
3) Pray for the best for your enemies-no sense in blocking your blessings
DreamsMaterialize
December 2nd, 2010
9:14 am
Morning
Hmmmm, I’m taking the easy route when it comes to relationships right now…not getting in them. When the spice runs out both parties are free to try a different dish.
Another long one here. Ya’ll be easy.
blue©
December 2nd, 2010
9:16 am
@i am – think i was like 12 or so, my mom had this pair of pajamas, made from nylon or something synthetic like that. they went thru the wash but we didnt have a dryer. they were her fav’s so was trying to be nice and get em dry for her to have back quick, and since me and my dad threw everything in the micowave (i mean everything, from a patch of cotton candy to a grape, just to see what would happen), didnt think anything of putting them in the microwave. figured it gets hot, heat will dry them, end of story…and with that synthetic material, they melted, right to the microwave plate…..emmmbarassing….she was nice tho, didnt beat me, but sure did start crying from laughing at me tho….
I am whatever you say I am
December 2nd, 2010
9:18 am
Rell: at your 9:03, you are so right. Not hard at all.
Harder if you are single like myself
Maybe it’s not my time yet but that’s cool because right now I am on a dating hiatus. The last date I went on was the straw that broke the camel’s back
Rell - Happy Player's Day
December 2nd, 2010
9:20 am
@iam…nice tips
Melo!!
December 2nd, 2010
9:21 am
Morning folks!
I am with Rell on this,life is a daily constant hustle,whether u have kids or not.
For me,there is no boredom. So much to do,so little time.
Work,kids pick ups,homework,reading,dinner prep,tv sports or news,wife talk,sex,plans for future,friends,weekend events for kids,tutorial appointments……..u name it!
Who has time to get bored?
Maybe getting tired.
But u get the drift.
I am whatever you say I am
December 2nd, 2010
9:21 am
Awwww. Blue, that’s cute.
I’m glad she didn’t beat you.
Whoopings don’t work. What works best for little I am is that I put him in the time out room (my guest bed room) and make him stand with his nose on the wall.
He hates that!!! But more more effective than a swat on the bottom.
Raqi V
December 2nd, 2010
9:22 am
Monogamy can get “monotonous” but that doesn’t mean you have to let it.
I personally don’t feel that ‘just living’ is boring. It’s just living.
For those of you that feel that marriage is boring riddle me this. A single woman or man in an average day gets up in the morning, shower, have breakfast, goes to work, then home, have dinner, do laundry, watch an hour of television and then goes to bed. Then every day after the cycle repeats itself with an occasion going out or hanging with friends. That’s what the average person considers acceptable for the average day. Now why is that same scenario considered boring when it comes to being married?
What law states that married or coupled individuals are supposed to live in an unending state of elation? No one can live like that, not even the single unattached folks.
The biggest misconception so many have is just because two people are together their lives are supposed to be more above the average.
Life is life. Marriage or coupling is merely making the choice to spend your days living life with the individual you love. Wanting that person with you each and every day. Sharing your all with that special someone. Having that commitment, that security, and that support right there with you. And it’s like being on a permanent date is what it is.
I am whatever you say I am
December 2nd, 2010
9:22 am
Very similar to my child: http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_e-kOIPZhVos/TJFKyc6FbBI/AAAAAAAAB_0/Q16Rp_UspWY/s1600/IMG_3158.JPG
LOL!!!!
Raqi V
December 2nd, 2010
9:26 am
’til death do you part……..boredom, excitement, etc…..that’s what you signed up for, so ummm, deal with it.
2CPTG, I agree. Like my husband keeps telling his cousin who is forever in and out of being engaged to the same darn woman, “you make that ish work”.
There are highs and lows in everything why should marriage or being a couple be any different.
Dan - simply...Superior
December 2nd, 2010
9:26 am
Morning
Fortunately, I haven’t gotten there in my current relationship; but I have been there.
My experience has been that when both parties share the same goal that working it out is easier. Though, those rough patches tell you a lot about the person that you’re with – and their intentions for “the future” as well.
Rell - Happy Player's Day
December 2nd, 2010
9:27 am
@RAQI/MELO…yep..thats the way i think about it too..again i stated its those folks stuck in there own world that does not get the concept that marriage is a choice…a daily one…good insight from both of you!
CoolShadow
December 2nd, 2010
9:28 am
I still smh at some that need constant entertainment but have no life plan other than to get married…my question is then what?
@Rell – great observation.
To keep the staleness to a minimum, you have to have communication, openness and the ability to accept constructive criticism on the part of both parties. Also required is the desire to work at it and tweak things as necessary. Relationships and romance take work (more work for some than others) and if the minute something doesn’t go the way you think it should, you’re ready to bolt because of a little “adversity”? In that case if one acts that way, he/she might not be ready for a relationship.
Trevor0529
December 2nd, 2010
9:28 am
Good Morning,
Do you ever worry about boredom and staleness in your relationship or marriage?
Boredom and staleness will happen if you allow it to creep in. Sure, life gets in the way but a relationship or marriage are constantly evolving and you must evolve with it.
How would you handle that if it were to happen to you?
Spontaneity helps and doing little, simple things are important in preventing boredom and staleness from creeping in.
Raqi V
December 2nd, 2010
9:28 am
People with no imagination get bored…whats funny life is routine..you cant escape
Rell, exactly. Why should it be any different for married couples?
Raqi V
December 2nd, 2010
9:29 am
Now as for keeping things lively, I am all for that. However, me and mine don’t go into panic mode just because we haven’t gone on an official date in 2 months. We are still living life together, enjoying each other’s company. Laughing at old Seinfeld reruns, making bets on who is going to get voted off Apprentice, cheating at 3 different versions of
stripUNO, and loudly announcing our win in UNO Slam.And when we are not “just living” we try to find time to go out dancing, to a movie, bowling, or hang out with our friends.
Yeah some may consider that all boring, but for us it’s our life that we enjoy living.
Now you tell me what does the single afraid of marriage individuals so much different than we do outside of doing more living alone than the average coupled individuals.
blue©
December 2nd, 2010
9:33 am
@Raqi – im not quite sure how it translates to boredom/rut-whatever. maybe its just the sameness of it. i have told mr.blue that i dont need sky diving type excitement in y life, but the daily routine of getting up still tired, traffic, work, traffic, breaking up fights and checking homework is making my brain turn to mush. imo, part of that is me, time for me to do something different (thats how i got into the Santa PubCrawl, last year was my first year), and part of it is him because i want us tobe able to share things too. so i need him to contribute to the new folder, and i need him to be willing to participate in some of the new stuff im bringing in.
I am whatever you say I am
December 2nd, 2010
9:34 am
Thank you Rell!
Okay blog I have a two-part question
1) how many of you did the deed with your now spouse before you all married and how long after dating did you do it
2) for the men- if chick said she would not do deed till marriage, if you were feeling her like that, would you hold out till marriage?
Rell - Happy Player's Day
December 2nd, 2010
9:35 am
@raqi..thats not boring..that what you call sharing your life with someone…i blame ignorance and arrogance on folks lack of vision..I mean if some folks go back in the archives they will see that the secret to success is here. how bad to you want it..is the question
Raqi V
December 2nd, 2010
9:37 am
WiseDiva, you know I like these topics. I am all for love and togetherness. LOL
So Imma go with your flow.
One thing I…we do is touch, a lot. Not in a vulgar way…well sometimes when the kiddies aren’t around…but just in dealing every day we stay “in touch”. It can be just sitting on the couch reading the paper sometimes I drape my leg over his. Or him laying his head in my lap while watching tv. Or me touching his arm when talking to him. It pretty goes with thought at this point in our togetherness.
The power of touch is definitely underrated.
blue©
December 2nd, 2010
9:38 am
@i am – you know she still tells that story now, lol. i was so relieved to when she just started laughing, cause i just knew that was my behind, lol (disclaimer: the cotton candy in teh microwave is entertaining and all, swells and shrinks kinda like the dough boy in ghostbusters, BUT when you finally turn it off, its d@mn near turned into a jolly rancher stuck to the plate. stay away from the cotton candy)
Raqi V
December 2nd, 2010
9:39 am
CoolShadow and Trevor, I agree.
Rell - Happy Player's Day
December 2nd, 2010
9:44 am
@iam…call me father time- i have the ability to turn it up or turn it down..lol so to your first question
1) how many of you did the deed with your now spouse before you all married and how long after dating did you do it
- Usually most of the women i have date..the deed came quick meaning within days…i just like those type more then those that make me wait…lol
2) for the men- if chick said she would not do deed till marriage, if you were feeling her like that, would you hold out till marriage?
- Nope I could not do it…actually i would not want to do it
Raqi V
December 2nd, 2010
9:46 am
blue, I get what you are saying. I am in no way saying it’s effortless.
If you and Mr. Blue work in the same general direction have you ever considered riding together sometimes. Every now and then when I go to work for my husband I will ride with him. He waited on me yesterday so I could ride with him. My friend Doc and her husband ride together almost every day.
Riding together gives you someone to talk to when you have to battle traffic every morning. It can make the ride a lot more enjoyable and you are spending what could be considered good quality time with your honey.
Melo!!
December 2nd, 2010
9:50 am
I touch a lot too.
I almost squeezed her booty as she was cooking but stopped short coz my big girl was sweeping in the back.
I just did the safe peck on the neck but told her,u missed a good one!
Keep it spicy and show her u luv and appreciate her/him.
Those good vibes keep the so called monotony away coz everyday will feel new.
Raqi V
December 2nd, 2010
9:53 am
And then there some days we don’t say a whole lot to each other. We coexist in the same living quarters but we are busy doing our own thing.
Leggs
December 2nd, 2010
10:12 am
Good morning!
@Rell ~ excellent post!
@Raqi ~ excelent post as well. Just because their’s a “routine” in place for a couple doesn’t necessarily mean “boredom” has set in. Sometimes routine is good. It all depends on what that routine is!
blue©
December 2nd, 2010
10:16 am
@Raqi – yeah, we’ve tried the ride thing. the ride in isnt that spectacular ( someone is even less a morning person than me, lol ) but the ride home can be cool. he got me last week, i got in the car to head in to work, had a rose sitting on my seat. musta been sitting there all night waiting lol
Simple Man!!! Bored...But not at home!!!
December 2nd, 2010
10:18 am
Morning folks!!! Blue!!! ” Miss me, Miss me” ????? LOL
On topic…For me..the key to not losing the spark is to find people that I Actually enjoy being around…I can’t speak for anyone else, but i have on occasion dated a person and for a minute all was great…Then one day you look up and you find that while there was something to keep us smiling, we never even too the time to discover if we LIKED each other…
Raqi V
December 2nd, 2010
10:18 am
Should you be willing to do anything, within reason, to get things red hot again?
Yes! Most definitely if you care anything about your partner and the relationship. Your happiness, his happiness and happiness within the realms of the relationships is very important and it rest on both parties shoulder equally.
No one person should be doing all the work to keep things hot. However a willing follower does help when it is one person pulling. When you get to where everything presented to get things burning and keep it that way is being knocked down by the other then I would think there is a problem that needs to be addressed. If you never have anything to offer or input you should at least being willing to participate in what the other has to offer.
When you don’t agree you have to compromise and sometimes sacrifice for the relationship.
Raqi V
December 2nd, 2010
10:25 am
If I really want some excitement I just drag my hubby shopping. LOL
He is like bipolar when I drag him to Brookstone (yea!!) to Macys (blah) then Radio Shack (yippee!!) then American Greeting (bleh) and finally VictoriaSecret (hotdamn!!!!). LOL
He is in for a lot of walking tonight. LOL
Dan - simply...Superior
December 2nd, 2010
10:25 am
I’ll say this
Love is one thing, but that like is another mother entirely.
I’ve dated female ‘friends’ before, in part because I liked them. I figured that would transfer over into the relationship.
Whether it was because we weren’t really friends, or whatever the reason, things didn’t seem to work – until this go round.
I can honestly say my gal is one of my best friends. Even when there is dead silence, she or I will do something silly just to make the other person smile/laugh. I appreciate that whole ‘like’ thing on a whole nuther level.
Delight23
December 2nd, 2010
10:26 am
“’til death do you part……..boredom, excitement, etc…..that’s what you signed up for, so ummm, deal with it.”
M. (pronouced M dot)
December 2nd, 2010
10:27 am
Good day. The best way to handle boredom and staleness is space. Everyone had their own life before they met their SO so they should keep their seperate hobbies and also start doing new or like minded hobbies.
Also the space idea transcends all areas of the relationship, i.e., you two dont have to talk every day, hang out every day (use your imagination). The key is just space so you two can enjoy and appreciate the time when you two are together. If not, you will burn the relationship out to fast.
Delight23
December 2nd, 2010
10:34 am
bom dia peoples!! Why is it that comfortable automatically equates boredom? We play fast and loose with the English language too often
Anywho. This is why couples should have interests besides their mates. Heck I already have to see you when I wake up AND go to bed, day in and day out. Now multiply that scenario for however many years and the tears have already begun to flow.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m a long-term, one-man kinda gal, BUT I still hang with my girls, hit up museums, festivals, volunteer, etc. with AND without my sweetie. I’m working on a x-mas get-away without him now.
I dont want to spend the entire weekend with just him.
Your partner cannot be your sole reason for being.
Raqi V
December 2nd, 2010
10:34 am
Love is one thing, but that like is another mother entirely.
Dan, my husband actually made me very aware of that.