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Is technology ruining your dating game?

Our discussion about online dating had me wondering about all the work we put in to writing those profiles to show off your personality. I have heard a lot of misadventures in dating where the person’s personality doesn’t quite click in person. It’s easy to be charming and witty online but what do you do when you rely on that too much?

Have you ever met someone and began texting or emailing them pretty regularly? Did you notice how their use of technology was some sort of social crutch?

Do you think that all this technology is making our game, well lame?

We definitely get lazy with our efforts in communicating with technology. Maybe it stands to reason that some people lose their ability to truly engage someone they are interested in. Making that connection with someone face to face. You know, that intense mental seduction that can not be faked?

What’s been your experience? Are you meeting people who seem awesome but only because of some kind of gadget? (I’m talking pdas and ipads, get your mind out of the gutter, people)

230 comments Add your comment

SlimNumeroUno

November 30th, 2010
8:51 am

Mawnin’ folks

I am whatever you say I am

November 30th, 2010
8:52 am

Looks arounds….turns on lights……
Somebody didn’t lock up! SMH

I see blue has been ruffling thru the personel files. She must not know about the dye pack that did manage to take her fingerprints.
So it is true! Simple’s previous employment was skrimping!

I am whatever you say I am

November 30th, 2010
8:55 am

I think technology has made things liss personable and it not just with dating either. It’s the same way with friends.
We send happy B day texts and posts on the face book, but how many of us actually follow that up with a phone call or if you live close to your friend, you drop by their house.
When it comes to dating (even the online dating) it goes like this, you meet someone you think they are cool so the next time you want to talk to them, you communicate by text. Do I agree with it? Not neccesarily
But that’s what happens, when you introduce technology to the ME, I generation.

Purple Rain

November 30th, 2010
9:00 am

Technology takes the effort out of dating. So you have to trust that you are getting real emotions when using it.

blue©

November 30th, 2010
9:02 am

Morning Peoples,

itchy fingers today, musta been something on those files last night hmmmm …
It’s easy to be charming and witty online but what do you do when you rely on that too much – along those lines, i think a lot of people hide behind the technology, its easy to build a “new and improved” personality online, an alter ego you dont feel comfortable portraying in person. seems that would be a primary reason that a lot of the tech-heavy relationships may not work out so well. you can hold a whole conversation via text, but in person you cant make eye contact and the convo lags….its like linus’ security blanket, lol

Sweet Pea

November 30th, 2010
9:03 am

Good Morning, I don’t feel that it’s ruining dating as it is another form of communication that can become extreme if one uses it as their sole purpose of communicating. As stated yesterday, it can become impersonal if it turns in a a lengthy convo that can simply be handled over the phone or in person. I’d rather hear a person’s voice or see them in person than getting multiple messages unless it’s long distance or you are conveying a message to your spouse or s/o that leads to something later. :)

Example: I got a message from a guy asking what do I like to do in my spare time? My response was I’d rather talk on the phone about it than message back.

IMO….At a certain age you shouldn’t depend on allowing your fingers to do the texting…Allow your mouth to do the talking

SlimNumeroUno

November 30th, 2010
9:04 am

We are becoming less personable due to the technology world. I believe Mtv had a show about folks who exist mainly in the virtual world but when they had to interact with folks in person, they were totally lost. My sister’s ex bf was the kind of dude who would text her while he was sitting on the other couch in the same room as her.

LL411

November 30th, 2010
9:06 am

Just call me… I’m old fashioned like that!

Sweet Pea

November 30th, 2010
9:11 am

@Blue~ I think a lot of people hide behind the technology, its easy to build a “new and improved” personality online.

I totally agree with this!

Rell is going Red

November 30th, 2010
9:13 am

I would rather meet out – than talk or text…but hey i take advantage of facebook and twitter like the next person. But to answer your question…yes it is making us lazy and poor communicators…its just another barrier that seperates us. Some people even use there facebook and twitter to flatter the ego on a daily basis

DreamsMaterialize

November 30th, 2010
9:17 am

Morning
I don’t think technology is ruinging anything. People 1000 years ago weren’t any better at communicating than we are. I see the technology as just an additional means of communication. Introverts have always existed. Maybe the new technology allows them to communicate in ways that they couldn’t before. I’m all for options…the more the better.

blue©

November 30th, 2010
9:35 am

@Dreams – i’d agree, technology is not ruining anything. its the abuse of that technology that is. i personally am a big texter, i like the addition of the techno side to my relationships, but if i were to completely abandon actual direct contact in favor of facebook, then there the problem would be. and imo a lot of people are taking it that far, to the detriment of their most important relationships. and i think it goes both ways. A and B talk to each other only via text and in person have nothing to say, or A and B are right next to each other, and A would rather play on the smartphone texting or im-ing with friends than talk to B right next to them.

Simple Man....

November 30th, 2010
9:41 am

Whats good Peeps!!! Blue…You got mail!!!
On topic….Technology has not ruined the game, in fact, It has in some ways just leveled the playing field. It allows shy folks to functiion in a space that they are comfortable in….It forces teh players to raise their game because teh competition is greater. It forces ladies to be more deligent cause their is more ish to sort thru.

Purple Rain

November 30th, 2010
9:48 am

Well you can’t hide behind technology forever, what happens when you step out and have to meet face to face. Whether you or shy or a player..at some point the rubber has to meet the road

DreamsMaterialize

November 30th, 2010
9:57 am

A and B talk to each other only via text and in person have nothing to say, or A and B are right next to each other, and A would rather play on the smartphone texting or im-ing with friends than talk to B right next to them.
blue If it works for them, then I’m all for it. Now, if it’s causing problems in the relationship, then A and B need to work that out, whether that means get rid of the technology or get rid of the relationship.

Simple Man....

November 30th, 2010
9:58 am

Purp….Understand that completely, But technology allows people to deal in a situation that increases the likelyhood of finding a situation that they can be successful in. You can find a narrow group of people that fit perfectly with who and what you are…….

For Real

November 30th, 2010
10:01 am

I sound better via text and emails cause I sttttttudda!

For Real

November 30th, 2010
10:03 am

“what happens when you step out and have to meet face to face.” – Hold up place cards like Wile Coyote.

blue©

November 30th, 2010
10:07 am

@Simple Man – whatever it was, i didnt do it….(must maintain plausible deniability at all times)…
@Dreams – i would say the same, if it works great, if not work it out. but have personally had a friend on the phone texting me, misc. chit-chat combined with whats wrong with me wife etc…, and one of the things i asked him when he went down the wife path is where is she now? his response: in the same room with him, also playing on her phone. im like DUUHHH, you wanna know whats wrong with her, get off the phone with me and go talk to her and it was like i was speaking greek, he’s all full of excuses: she’s busy, he’s busy, he doesnt know what to say. the whole principle confused me, cause im thinking like you, drop the gadget and work it out, but not all are working on that same common sense page. they like their security blanket, dont know what to do without it.

For Real

November 30th, 2010
10:14 am

Blue: That’s a classic case of each of them not wanting to be the first to bring up the issues in the relationship. Both of them want to maintain plausible dependability while blaming the other for the problems in their relationship. But if you want ole boy to stop asking you dumb ish forward his text to her and that should stop it.

SexyCool

November 30th, 2010
10:16 am

czBrat

November 30th, 2010
10:22 am

morning all!

i’m not particularly impressed nor put off by folks who are tech savvy. all i ask is that you not be so over-the-top about having the latest and greatest so as to become annoying.

i luv the way s/o has learned to read my tone in texts and emails.

i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)

November 30th, 2010
10:22 am

On topic: Technology is changing all social interaction, not just dating. I feel somewhat fortunate to be in the age range that I am, as I think most of my peers have simply added new media to their existing repertoire of communicative avenues, but I think younger folk are never learning to really communicate on a more personal level, and more annoyingly, they are never learning to communicate in a context appropriate manner, as exemplified by the increasing number of emails — business emails — that I see containing text-speak.

OMG! WTF is up w/ that?

:lol:

For Real

November 30th, 2010
10:25 am

Swiss: Amen brother, I can’t stand that ish. It makes my head hurt trying to decipher what they are saying. Then when they ask me if I got their email, text or IM I tell them I deleted due to an error code.

Leggs

November 30th, 2010
10:31 am

Good morning.

@ForReal ~ that was funny.

Whether blogging or an online profile, I keep it real and won’t hide behind words on a computer. I just might meet those I’m conversing with online. What I say online has to represent who I am if we should ever meet in person. I see no reason to pump myself up via a computer. Naw, I cain’t do that! :wink:

i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)

November 30th, 2010
10:36 am

For Real — Same here.

Although, I must say… One thing technology has definitely improved: my work day. :-D

“Working” from home — check.

Attending meeting via conference call, wearing only my lucky socks with the hole in the left big toe — check.

Hot keys to quickly toggle from espn.com to that spreadsheet I’ve been pretending to look at for 6 months — check.

Using the IM “ding” as an alarm clock — check.

:-) Viva technology! :lol:

Celisea

November 30th, 2010
10:41 am

Frankly I’m not a huge fan but I’m adapting. I’d say the most texting I’ve done has been over the last couple of years….even so as touching base when you can’t talk. I’m just keenly aware that it in no way replaces in person interaction. Hey I say too, if texting is your sole means of communicating then you should only be entitled to getting what you give…..sexting only.

blue©

November 30th, 2010
10:42 am

@For Real – neither of them wanting to be the first to bring up the issues, yeah that was my read too. as far as forwarding his text, that sounds like id be stepping on a landmine lol. fortunately, i can easily avoid that landmine since i dont know her, so dont have her number! lol
@swiss – as far as the younger generations not learning to communicate, i soo agree. seems younger and younger their pulling phones out of their pockets to text their friends down the street when used to be we’d just go see whoever it was. when they do see each other in person its still “LOL, OMG”…kinda sad…

Raqi V

November 30th, 2010
10:48 am

Did I tell you all about the “Dating Around the World” challenge already?

Sweet Pea

November 30th, 2010
10:49 am

@Swiss/For Real~ It makes my head hurt trying to decipher what they are saying.

It makes mine hurt as well, and unfortunately it’s not allowing them to think beyond whatever they are communicating because it looks cool. In another blog, we discussed the same thing.

Instead of spelling the word “like” correctly it is spelled “lyke”.

My 19yo college student had her signature(mixed emotions) at the end of her text mispelled. After finding out what it was, I told her it would be better to spell the word correctly as I don’t see it as internet shorthand such as SMH, LOL, etc. I have to look up some lingo on http://www.urbandictionary.com to keep abreast as it’s not only annoying but confusing when you are trying to decode it!

Lady

November 30th, 2010
10:50 am

morning folks!

dreamsM I agree with your posts….

kimmie

November 30th, 2010
10:54 am

Hey Gang!

I’m kinda with Swiss on this. The thing is, as my mom used to say, there are really no shortcuts in life. You can hide behind whatever gadget you want, but at some point there has to be some formal communication. You will have to communicate with that loved one face-to-face at some point. You will have to speak or write in a business setting. So you must first learn how to do these things in the proper way. The new technology should just be the icing on the cake – bringing you closer to the world instead of isolating you.

When you fill out that job application and it requires that you have communication skills, it’s not talking about texting or blogging. Can you articulate your thoughts and ideas verbally and in written form?

You can’t text your way thru an entire relationship, nor can you talk on the phone all the time. You have to be able to talk to each other, eye-to-eye. Shy, introverted, it does not matter. Maybe the texting or online dating got you an introduction, but you need to take it from there, in person.

For Real

November 30th, 2010
11:00 am

Kimmie, Kimmie, Kimmie, Kimmie, Kimmie, Kimmie, Kimmie, Kimmie, Kimmie, Kimmie, Kimmie, Kimmie, Kimmie, Kimmie, Kimmie, Kimmie, Kimmie, Kimmie, Kimmie, Kimmie, Kimmie, Kimmie,

Purple Rain

November 30th, 2010
11:01 am

For Real , I bet you have a place card of a zipper on standby. LOL

kimmie

November 30th, 2010
11:02 am

4 Real – That reminds me of that episode of Cheers, when Woody wrote that song for his girlfriend Kelly.

Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly…….

LOL!!

SexyCool

November 30th, 2010
11:03 am

Communication via technology has its plusses and minuses, much like anything else.

If we learn to properly use it as a tool to enhance our communication rather than replace one on one interaction, it is quite helpful.

One thing that I can say is that I have come to prefer text messages over voice mail. And please…for the sake on my one good nerve…do not leave me a voice mail that says “Call me back.”

Melo!!

November 30th, 2010
11:06 am

Technology can only make ur game lake if u old school and mismatched,unequally with a new school techie person.

Tech is the way of the future and u snooze on it, u loose.

The young kids ain’t complaining.
Only u dinosaurs are! :lol:

Morning tho,I luv u too,young and old alike!

Melo!!

November 30th, 2010
11:09 am

Lame not like

For Real

November 30th, 2010
11:09 am

Kimmie: You are suppose to say WHAT!

Purple Rain

November 30th, 2010
11:10 am

Sexy Cool, I have an App on my Iphone that converts voicemails into text and I have visual voicemail. LOL

For Real

November 30th, 2010
11:10 am

“I bet you have a place card of a zipper on standby.” – Am I that transparent?

Scool: Hey For Real

For Real: Holding a place card. ZIPPPPPPP!!!

Raqi V

November 30th, 2010
11:10 am

Sorry. Where are my manners? I have to comment on the topic first.
Technology is good in some areas but suck in others whether dating, married or whatever.

I got a new BB and my son was playing around with it while we were going up the highway. Some kind of he changed my settings to when I call my number shows “restricted” and/or “private”. I called two of my friends from my cell and they didn’t answer. I called my husband yesterday evening while I was at the store and he didn’t answer. When I got back home and asked him why he didn’t answer he swore my down that I didn’t call until he checked his message. He said the number was said restricted so he didn’t answer. I later called my two that said the same thing.

Technology sucks sometimes. LOL

Purple Rain

November 30th, 2010
11:15 am

What if when you meet, the person has a lisp or they have really buckteeth that they hid with their mouth closed in the picture they sent you. LOL

Also technology will mask bad breath..and bad breath is a deal breaker I dont care who you are.

(holding up a place card with a picture of a bottle of “Scope” on it)

For Real

November 30th, 2010
11:15 am

Raqi: What does my number show ZIPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!

joe

November 30th, 2010
11:16 am

I have dabbled in internet “dating” on and off for a few years and here is what I can say. The “relationships” from online were very much more superficial than meeting someone live and in person, say through friends. Only once that i can remember, did an internet connection evolve into something of substance…so the other 99% of the time, it was a complete waste of time. I’ve shut down all my internet profiles and am sticking to the real thing from now on.

For Real

November 30th, 2010
11:17 am

(holding up a place card with a picture of a bottle of “Scope” on it) – Flip it around and it reads
(I got to pee!)

Newly UnSingle

November 30th, 2010
11:17 am

I think it really depends on the person as to whether technology is ruining it. For example, my new boyfriend (greatest man on the planet! :D ) is very techy, very geeky, and he can send full length texts very quickly. (no “u” or “ur” here) So we text all day, and have been for months now. He tends to feel slightly more comfortable saying sweet, loving things via text than he does in person. (He’s still very affectionate in person though, and I’m perfectly okay with some of the poetic things being said over a text instead of in person.) Now, past guys I’d dated were total numbskulls with texts and yes, it ruined the game! So I think it just depends on the relationship and the people in question.

i'm swiss™ (but you can call me Mr. Goodnight)

November 30th, 2010
11:21 am

Purp — Not Scope… give ‘em Listerine. And I mean the old-school stuff, not that new, pansy, “no-burn” stuff. It’s just not clean unless the top 2 layers of flesh have been burned off of your cheeks/gums/tongue… :lol:

Delight23

November 30th, 2010
11:22 am

Bom dia peoples!!

“itchy fingers today, musta been something on those files last night hmmmm …” <— reason Echinacea is my bestie right now.

Purple Rain

November 30th, 2010
11:25 am

For Real, LOL

I’m Swiss, LOL I bought some of the new Listerine and thought something was wrong with, because I did not feel the burn. Mouthwash only works if it burns….Well I stand corrected…ladies I have mouthwash that doesnt burn and it brightens your teeth. LOL