Fact or fiction: Men don’t mind being single
I can attest to the fact that “the art of being single” isn’t perfected by everyone. Some people are the type that has to have someone in their life at all times. You know, the serial monogamists who go from one relationship to the next with little to no break between. I don’t think it’s a good thing or bad thing, personally. It’s a matter of personal preference and really great timing, but it’s rare that I meet a man who admits to needing a woman in his life.
I have, however, met and dated newly single divorcees who have that whole “nestling” thing going. This is when they immediately want someone to feel the void of their ex-wife. Almost anyone one will do, really. It’s like being the ultimate rebound girl, except with home-cooked meal requests.
Do you believe men dislike being single? Is it a myth that having all that freedom is the reason why men delay marriage?
Ladies, has a man ever told you that he doesn’t mind being single? Do you meet men who actively seek a relationship and don’t mind admitting it?
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282 comments Add your comment
lovelyliz
November 23rd, 2010
11:09 am
Men don’t mind being single as long as they can hook-up at will.
Raqi V
November 23rd, 2010
11:10 am
kimmie, yep. I have done cornish hens so that’s fine but that other stuff…my sis describes it as stuff you have wine with instead of sweet tea. We like sweet tea turkey days.
Thanks, Dan. Hopefully we will actually be on the road by 11:30. or at least pulling out the driveway. LOL
SlimNumeroUno
November 23rd, 2010
11:10 am
Sassy – speaking of grannies, I think I’ll miss her wrath this Thanksgiving because I’ll be with my dad’s side of the family this year instead. When granny gets to that bottle of wine, you betta be prepared for her diarrhea of the mouth that is soon to follow. When you’re 70+ years old, you get a free pass to say whatever comes to mind and there isn’t a dayum thang anybody can do about it. lol
Soon to be single
November 23rd, 2010
11:11 am
I am in the process of getting divorced. I’m in my mid-50s. After what I’ve experienced for quite a while, I plan to remain single. I have no problem living the solitary life. It has been a total nightmare for the past few years and I’m looking forward to just having me and the dog around.
abc
November 23rd, 2010
11:13 am
Women can easily circumvent a man’s leadership, Dan. Once married and a woman refuses to allow leadership, it’s a tough gig.
Liz, anyone can ‘hook up at will’. All you have to do is want to, and it’ll happen, unless there are some kind of personal deficiencies.
blue®
November 23rd, 2010
11:14 am
@Raqi – we started doiong the hens along wth the turkey a few years ago. When the midgets got to the table i pulled out the tray of hens, and put one on each of their plates like they had their own turkey, they loved it! now of course the first year they did kinda go caveman style, the little one just grabbed it like a muffin and took a bite out of the side, but those end up being those memories (and photos) you love…so now hens have morphed into tradition lol
Kym
November 23rd, 2010
11:18 am
Yeah that hen stuff not gonna work for our group..we have fried and smoked turkey coming. String beans, collards, black eyed peas, we have a variety of cakes and drinks and of course there will be sweet tea.
Ezra
November 23rd, 2010
11:18 am
Lovelyliz is right! Why buy the well when you can drink the water at will. Hmmm…is that a hit on the guy or the gal? Too many women with kids had their chance at love and now want the man to behave like nothing has happened. Women with kids should have a different approach to men than women without kids and vise versa.
Raqi V
November 23rd, 2010
11:19 am
LOL Blue, yeah you gotta love those times that make happy memories.
Now they are calling asking what I want for lunch…they are stopping to get lunch. If they will just get on back here we can get lunch before we get on the interstate. At least we will be on our way.
DJ Sniper
November 23rd, 2010
11:19 am
When I was single, I had no issues at all. There was a point where I really wasn’t looking to get married at all and I had no problems whatsoever.
Now, even though my marriage is pretty good, I can totally understand why some men are completely gun shy about taking the plunge. There are many many men out here who have gotten anally raped by their ex during a divorce, and contrary to what a lot of people think, the divorce wasn’t due to him being a trifling SOB. Some women will just up and decide that “they aren’t happy anymore” and hit the guy with divorce papers out of the blue. Next thing you know, the guy is getting kicked out of the home that he pays for, he gets told when, where, and how long he can see his kids, etc etc. Yea, I can see why some men don’t get married.
Last, but not least, alimony needs to be abolished. In the case of a divorce where kids are involved, I’m all for making sure the kids are taken care of, but that whole deal about continuing to finance a lifestyle of a person that you are no longer involved with is for the birds.
Sassy Me..I Feel like bustin' loose :-)
November 23rd, 2010
11:22 am
When granny gets to that bottle of wine, you betta be prepared for her diarrhea of the mouth that is soon to follow. When you’re 70+ years old, you get a free pass to say whatever comes to mind and there isn’t a dayum thang anybody can do about it.
Yeah we usually have to keep an eye on my granny,too…only thing she doesn’t get diarrhea of the mouth she wants to fight instead…comedy…
Dan - simply...Superior
November 23rd, 2010
11:23 am
@abc
Your comment @11:13 is illogical.
“Allowing” someone to do something that is in their nature is akin to saying “you’ve affected my self esteem”.
I’m gone do me – before and after marriage. And the female that I do marry knows that before the wedding day.
Yeah, I call shenanigans
Too FLY 2 Lie
November 23rd, 2010
11:24 am
When I have a Girlfriend I want to be single and when I am single I want a girlfriend. It’s just craziness!
Ezra
November 23rd, 2010
11:25 am
The prenuptial should be part of the marrige vows. A wise man told me once that men and women can never be equals. Why I asked. He said, “Because women have half the money and all the nookie.”
NY2GA
November 23rd, 2010
11:25 am
@Rell – Your 9:09 is crazy and right on point. Fellas if you truly think you got game, lay the cards on the table and see if she is willing to play. If you are lying and being a fraud, then you are a phony …
On Topic, comes down to the person and there wants. When you are with someone, there are times you want to be single and when you are single there are times you want that loving someone who has got your back!
Rell
November 23rd, 2010
11:25 am
Some women will just up and decide that “they aren’t happy anymore”
^^Most women take along time to get there…there will be signs, pleas for change…etc..What we men suffer from is anti-seductive behavoir. We become self-absorbed – we impose..talk to much..meaning we talk at the women and not to her. Focus attention slips off for other things we see has more important.
Raqi V
November 23rd, 2010
11:30 am
AlrightY they are getting off on Peachtree Ind. Blvd. They should be here in about 10 minutes.
You all have wonderful and joyous Thanksgiving. Eat until you are uncomfortable, watch plenty of television and enjoy your family and friends if only for one day.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!
Rell
November 23rd, 2010
11:31 am
happy thanksgiving raqi
For Real
November 23rd, 2010
11:31 am
I have experienced a good marriage but I prefer to be single. Nothing against marriage but I will not partake again. Being single is where it is at for me no doubt about it.
Dan: I agree with you on that whole “she want let me” crap. If you offer up your authority up she anyone else will take it.
Raqi: Be safe and Happy Thanksgivings.
Kym: I got the traditional food ready and I’m competing with my brother this year for the best fried turkey. I don’t know if I’m going to win cause that boy know he can make a cajun fried turkey good enough to make you hold your pee.
Norvee Michele
November 23rd, 2010
11:31 am
I’ve met men who fit into both categories. Some want a serious relationship/marriage and others just want to play the field. Spend a bit of time and open your eyes, you’ll know pretty quickly which category a man falls into. i think it just depends on where they are in their life.
SlimNumeroUno
November 23rd, 2010
11:37 am
For Real – I’m frying an AA Dolphin this year and taking it down to Bama. I hope it turns out good but i just need a little mo special sauce to add to the mix.
Kym
November 23rd, 2010
11:38 am
@For Real…a turkey to make you hold your pee? LMAO!!
For Real
November 23rd, 2010
11:38 am
Rell: I’m sensing good vibe from you bruh. Glad to see you got some peace.
abc: If you allow the circumvention because it’s a “tough gig” what will you allow when things get tough?
Melo!!
November 23rd, 2010
11:39 am
I disagree with u both Dan and For Real and agree with abc!
It’s easier to sell her your mantra when u single and a she’s looking forward to is the wedding day.
Once she’s in,u have to manage that household everyday and if u don’t like how she’s responding to ur lead,u cannot negate that contract as easily as u bench a girl like when u single.
Rell
November 23rd, 2010
11:40 am
@for real…Thanks, i am cool now brother for real…the needle is back in the green zone…i have had my moment of clarity…and i see where i messed up…i adjusted and moved forward.
Melo!!
November 23rd, 2010
11:40 am
all she’s looking forward to is the wedding day
For Real
November 23rd, 2010
11:41 am
Slim: I”m calling PETA on you and tucking at the same time.
Kym: I ain’t lying folks be standing around in a single file line like they waiting on their unemployment check for his turkey. I think I’m going to try Vodka injections and hope getting fugged up trumps taste.
Rell
November 23rd, 2010
11:42 am
u have to manage that household everyday
^^The first duty of love is to listen. (Paul Tillich)
Melo!!
November 23rd, 2010
11:43 am
On topic:
Single would be a preferable best of both worlds if u can get a girl on board, longterm without getting on a financial hook.
For Real
November 23rd, 2010
11:45 am
Melo: “Once she’s in,u have to manage that household everyday and if u don’t like how she’s responding to ur lead,u cannot negate that contract as easily as u bench a girl like when u single.” – The hell you say. I’m divorced remember. If you allow her to believe she has something that she can hold over you then she will control you and that goes for any situation or relationship that you are in be man and woman or your job. Like my Paw-Paw use to say “Always be willing to walk away and start over”. Took me a long to time understand that….
For Real
November 23rd, 2010
11:49 am
Rell: “the needle is back in the green zone…” -
Chick: Hey Rell what you doing tonight?
Rell: RELL SMASH!!!
Rell’s new chick aka Betty: Hell Rell what you doing tonight?
Rell: Making quiche
kimmie
November 23rd, 2010
11:49 am
4Real – That turkey sounds good. My brother can fry a good one too. And he makes the best sweet tea in the world.
Ms. Vee
November 23rd, 2010
11:49 am
Well, for awhile I was seeing a guy who claimed he could not STAND to be alone…but did not REALLY like seeing the same girl er’day. In the beginning it was OK with me…because I did not like being crowed and I had my OWN rotation going on as well. So nothing gained/nothing loss. But when a certain guy stepped up and pierced my heart…I dropped the zero and rode off with my HERO.
Melo!!
November 23rd, 2010
11:50 am
always be willing walk away!
@For Real
thank God u don’t wanna be married again,otherwise u wld be onto ur tenth marriage.
that line works perfect when u single. If u married u have to fight to retain ur marriage. For better for worse, remember?
And because females are human beings too u have to allow them the freedom to challenge u as well.
Yes u were married but u know a marriage ain’t that simple as walking away,like ur daddy said.
Mr. Moe
November 23rd, 2010
11:52 am
Good morning folks. Hope everyone is ready to great in a couple days.
“For Real is not the first guy I ran across who says I don’t want a relationship..I just want to do the rabbit dance on occasion and will admit that anytime he gets deep and involve he purposely mess it up..”….this is me right here to a T. I am flipping things a little bit lately though, the current woman I’m dating is coming to thanksgiving dinner with me at my aunts. It’s the talk of the family b/c its the first time I’ve invited someone….I know they are going to embarrass the hell out of me on purpose, but its on me for not doing something like this sooner
Rell
November 23rd, 2010
11:52 am
@for real….lol…jokes..but that was straight funny….making quiche..lol. Naw i am just sticking myself in a calm/submissive state…it works for ceasar…lol
2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"
November 23rd, 2010
11:52 am
“Fellas if you truly think you got game, lay the cards on the table and see if she is willing to play. If you are lying and being a fraud, then you are a phony …”
not that I’m an advocate of running game, but if I am, why would I reveal such???? you say, see if she is willing to play???? what???? If my game is what I think it is, then, it ain’t a matter of seeing if she wants to play, it’s seeing if it works! I don’t know nann true playa who’s gonna reveal the game…if anything, you gon’ fall victim to it!
Sassy Me..I Feel like bustin' loose :-)
November 23rd, 2010
11:54 am
Fellas if you truly think you got game, lay the cards on the table and see if she is willing to play. If you are lying and being a fraud, then you are a phony …
Alll day looong….seen!
em>i have had my moment of clarity…and i see where i messed up…i adjusted and moved forward.
Good for you Rell.
Dan - simply...Superior
November 23rd, 2010
11:54 am
@Melo
I get that marriage is about give and take, but if all I’m giving is me and taking her stuff at a 60/40 rate, somethings wrong.
The older I get, the more set I become in my ways. And at this point, anyone signing on has to deal with that – as you said “for better or worse”
@For Real
did I read that right? you were married?
huh?
blue®
November 23rd, 2010
11:56 am
@Rell – Some women will just up and decide that “they aren’t happy anymore”
^^Most women take along time to get there…there will be signs, pleas for change…etc..What we men suffer from is anti-seductive behavoir. We become self-absorbed – we impose..talk to much..meaning we talk at the women and not to her. Focus attention slips off for other things we see has more important. – thank you, nice to see a man who is enlightned enough to get it, so succinct and yet so simple, seems a lot of men miss the principles you’ve laid out here. will you be my new best friend
Norvee Michele
November 23rd, 2010
11:58 am
@For Real my mom told me the same thing too. Put some money away, stay employed and keep your skills up because you never know when you need to walk away. I believe you don’t let someone else determine who you are or your happiness. If you can’t accept me for who I am … then get with someone else. At least you know now what you need to be happy.
dagnabit
November 23rd, 2010
11:59 am
What numskull is going to tell a supple seductress that he loves being single?
Ms. Vee
November 23rd, 2010
11:59 am
I agree, most don’t tell you ahead of time what the real deal is, why? I never shared with anyone I was seeing what my side action was, wasn’t their business. But I must say, that from my experience, guys don’t take it well when they realize that you got your own side line action as well. As women, in some ways we have come to expect that most guys have others in the mix.
NY2GA
November 23rd, 2010
12:02 pm
2C, point well taken. What I am saying is man up, state what it is. If she wants to be involved cool, if not, move on. If you got a woman in your life and you see something else you are interested in, don’t sit there being a liar. If asked, I have someone I am seeing, but I like you as well. What’s up… Simple as that …
Fall victim, true playa, wha, huh. That term “playa” is so played out ..
Sassy Me..I Feel like bustin' loose :-)
November 23rd, 2010
12:03 pm
Most women take along time to get there…there will be signs, pleas for change…etc..
Soo on point! We just don’t have an “instant” epiphany and decided we’re not happy anymore….signals/signs been there all along but some can’t see the forest for the trees….tsk..tsk..tsk..
Reminds me of a song R.Kelly has called When a woman’s fed up…and it ain’t nothing you can do about it.
For Real
November 23rd, 2010
12:03 pm
Melo: “that line works perfect when u single. If u married u have to fight to retain ur marriage. For better for worse, remember?” – I agree 1000% but how long will your marriage last if she is running the show? How many times on this very blog have you heard women say they get tired of leading?
“And because females are human beings too u have to allow them the freedom to challenge u as well.” – Again, I agree 1000% but the true measure of a leader is to delegate not abdicate.
I think you are miss understanding my Paw-Paw’s wisdom here; demonstrating the willingness to walk away or start over for your belief show how strongly committed you are to your beliefs and whatever threat you may want to impose onto me will not work.
abc
November 23rd, 2010
12:04 pm
It’s not as if you’d “allow circumvention” of leadership. It’s that the relationship becomes a battleground at that point. That’s along the lines of what I’d decided I could easily do without, after more than a decade of that kind of strife — it just plain wasn’t worth it. Frankly, it was likewise with dating: it just wasn’t worth it.
Except then my girl came along. Like I said, there are exceptions to everything.
2CPTG© - "that dude from da innanet"
November 23rd, 2010
12:06 pm
NY….I understand exactly where you’re coming from…only thing I’m saying is, IF a guy is playing games with your emotions, he’s not going to tell you….he’s going to see if his “game” is up to par…and trust me, there are some “victims” out there who’ve fallen prey to smooth talking dudes, only to regret it later…it happens….
Sassy Me..I Feel like bustin' loose :-)
November 23rd, 2010
12:08 pm
…still waiting on that violin concerto….
Melo!!
November 23rd, 2010
12:10 pm
For Real!
u are elevating continous disagreements to her ‘running the show’
my point is,as Abc correctly points out,a battleground of a relationship is the last thing a man wants.
So u try to work out the differences as best as u can because ur vows demand it.
If it fails that’s when u either succumb or u walk.